lololova

[lololova]

say don't go

A/N: Post 4x06, Demons, AU. Picks up from exactly where the episode ends.

-

"The waiting is a sadness Fading into madness It won't stop... I'm holding out hope for you to say 'don't go' I would stay forever if you say 'don't go'"

'Say Don't Go' - Taylor Swift

-

Castle remains on the sofa long after Alexis shuffles sleepily off to bed. He thinks he did a sufficient job of taking her mind off of her complicated relationship with Ashley, but now that he sits alone, in the dark, with Ghostbusters playing on the television for the third time this week, his mind wanders to his own. Is his relationship with Beckett just as doomed as he feels his daughter's may be? He and Kate may not be long distance the way Alexis and Ashley are, but there are times when it certainly feels that way.

Sometimes his overthinking leads to the bad habit of drinking. He only means to blunt his thoughts of her with a shot glass of bourbon, some scotch, but then he's sleepy yet wide awake at the same time and drifting out the door on impulse and lost inhibition alone.

Anything is possible, he told Alexis, even the seemingly impossible. But he doesn't want Kate Beckett to be an impossible feat. He just wants her to be his partner, his best friend, and someday, more. And tonight, through the hazy thoughts fogging up his mind, he just wants to see her.

-

Kate is sitting at her dining room table, a glass of wine in her hand and a puzzle in front of her. She frowns down at the array of black cats scattered about a pumpkin patch, the thousand piece monstrosity spread before her. Burke said she should find something to distract herself with when she's feeling overwhelmed - something tangible and engaging, like a puzzle. Maybe she should have been less ambitious with her choice.

The knock on the door is almost a relief.

She pushes away from table, sets down her wine, and glides toward the entryway with something like anticipation brimming in her chest. She knows it's him. Who else would it be?

"Still afraid of the demon, Castle?" she chuckles, swinging the door open.

He's standing on the other side, swaying slightly on his feet.

He blinks, brightens. "Kate. Hi."

She tilts her head at him quizzically. "Castle. Have you been drinking?"

"What?" he sputters, lifting an affronted hand to his chest. She purses her lips as he lists further to one side. "No. No, it's just - it's the witching hour, Beckett."

"Excuse me?" she deadpans, but he's pushing his way inside. Kate sighs and shuts the door behind him.

"The witching hour! It's the time of night when witches, demons, and ghosts are thought to be at their most powerful," he rambles on, making excited gestures with his hands. "Times vary, but it usually happens after midnight."

"So," she surmises, strolling towards him as he paces in her kitchen. "You're here to... protect me?"

He nods, solemn.

"We've been dealing excessively in the supernatural this week, Beckett," he murmurs, narrowing his gaze on her. "What if we upset the balance?"

"The only balance upset tonight is yours," she chuckles, stopping in front of him and placing a steadying hand to his waist. "Did you catch a cab here, or car service?"

"Cab," he sighs, leaning towards her. She quirks an eyebrow as he touches his hand to her shoulder, his fingers curling around the hair still twined in a loose braid. "You never wore your hair like this before."

Kate ignores the low, thoughtful timber of his voice, the intensity of his gaze on her.

"I don't always have the energy to style it," she shrugs, letting him play with the rope of her hair. "Keeping my arms up too long aggravates my scars. So sometimes just letting it dry on its own and tying it back is easier."

"Right," he says, sobering slightly, dropping her hair. His gaze drifts to the covered spot on her chest where he knows a bullet pierced instead. "Right."

"It was helpful for this case to have it out of my face, though," she scrambles, not even sure why she does. Only that she wants to see him smile again, to keep the darkness from his eyes. "Made it easier to ghost hunt."

His lips quirk at that.

"Speaking of... since you're here, do you maybe want to watch a movie? Something on theme?" she hedges, chewing on her lip nervously. But Castle only brightens, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Oh yeah! There's a horror movie marathon on right now!"

He scrambles around her to reach the couch, hitting her coffee table on the way. Kate rolls her eyes, but follows him with warmth spreading through the usual ache of her chest.

-

A bloodcurdling scream startles him awake, his arm reflexively tightening around the warmth of Kate's shoulder- oh.

Castle blinks past the grit of sleep in his eyes, enough to look down and find the curl of Kate's body beside his. She's sleeping hard, her limbs heavy and loose against his, puffs of her breath escaping from the slight part of her lips and pooling along his clavicle. He checks the laptop in front of them, the small screen with a black and white film playing on the coffee table - some slasher film he doesn't remember them starting.

He sighs and relaxes back against the plush of her couch and the nest of blankets around them. They both must have dozed off during the first film, shifted closer through lack of consciousness - because this is definitely not the position he remembers watching the movie in. It's the only conceivable notion for Kate Beckett cuddling up against him like this.

"S'wrong?" she mumbles, her shoulders shifting against his chest, her head lifting from the alcove between his neck and collarbone. Her hand rises from beneath the throw across her shoulders and rests on his chest. "Heart's racing."

"Movie," he assures her quickly. "I heard screaming, woke me up."

She hums, still not totally awake and drops her cheek back to his shoulder, nuzzles him. Oh god. It's a Halloween miracle. A torturous, wonderful miracle of a moment.

"Must be late," she yawns, her eyelashes tickling his throat.

He swallows hard. "Yeah, I - I better go. I think I slept off most of the alcohol, I'm sorry. I-"

"Why'd you come here tonight, Castle?" she questions softly, the drowsiness leaking from her voice as awareness swam to the surface.

"I... missed you," he tries, going for lighthearted, but he can feel the dismissal emanating from her.

"You saw me a few hours earlier," she reminds him.

"Yeah, but then... well, me and Alexis were talking, about relationships, and I started thinking about you. Then she went to bed and I starting drinking a little too much too soon-"

"Thinking of me makes you want to drink?"

"What? No, no," he sputters quickly, his heart picking up a panicked speed again. "I just - I had a couple of glasses and I'm - I'm always thinking about you, Kate. Sometimes a little too much. I didn't mean to just show up, but I... when I'm not with you, I wish I was. I think the alcohol just made it easier to rationalize doing something about it."

She's quiet for a long time and he wants to jump out of the window behind them. He's an absolute idiot. Maybe he still has more liquor in his system than he thought.

He's thinking up a way to get out of this gracefully, to preserve whatever dignity he may have left, when she turns her body further into him.

"Oh Castle," she sighs, the melancholy so heavy in the exhale of his name. "I'm sorry."

His brow furrows and he cups her shoulder. "Sorry? Beckett, you didn't do-"

"I feel like I'm just... keeping you in some stupid limbo," she mutters, fisting a hand in the chest of his t-shirt.

"Kate, no," he protests, but her head is already shaking. "Hey, we're waiting. I agreed to wait and I'm okay with it."

"Castle-"

"I'd wait forever, okay?"

A broken noise escapes her lips and then she's shifting against him, rotating in the curve of his arm to face him, desperate eyes meeting his.

"Not forever," she whispers, more vulnerable than he's ever seen her. "And it shouldn't - it doesn't have to be miserable."

He tilts his head at her, confused. "It's not miserable. This-" He waves a hand between them. Her knees are bent into his lap, his arm is loose and low at her back, and he can feel the heat of her breath on his chin. "Is not miserable."

Kate quirks her lips, but shakes her head at him. She leans forward, her forehead grazing his, their noses bumping. He sucks in a quiet breath.

"No," she murmurs, her lashes low and hiding her eyes from him. "But the day to day? The wanting? I'm kind of miserable, Castle."

He clings to the thoughtless courage that brought him here tonight and reaches forward, his palm curving over the heat of her nape as he drags her in close. He catches her sigh of relief on his mouth when he seals his lips to hers.

Castle buries his fingers in her hair, dismantling the beautiful twine of her braid, but she doesn't seem to mind. Kate cups his face in her hands, rising on her knees to tower over him as she does. He can't contain his moan, his gasp of her name when she opens her mouth over his, caresses her tongue to the seam of his lips.

He leans back further into the sofa, her chest falling flush against his as she follows, keeping close. His hands are ceaseless in their exploration along her spine, trailing the bones of her vertebrae, tracing the hem of the loose sweater, the band of her leggings. She hums at the first touch of his fingers to naked skin, the spark palpable, and he splays his hand wide across her lower back to trap it there.

He barely realizes she's in his lap, her thighs astride his hips until he's clutching his hand in her hair again, tearing away from the perfect dance of her lips for air.

She damn near whines - a sound he was not ready for - and nips at his jaw. His hips jerk and they both still.

"Kate," he murmurs, gentling her with the massage of his fingertips to her scalp. Her head falls to his shoulder and he drops his back against the head of the sofa. "I think this might be the best Halloween ever."

She chokes out a laugh. "Halloween is tomorrow, Castle."

"No, it's past midnight. It's today," he argues wistfully. She sighs and it feels so normal already, bickering between makeouts on her couch. Oh, please let this be his new normal. "Speaking of, do you want to come over tomorrow night, help handout candy to trick-or-treaters?"

He feels her throat work with a swallow, but he doesn't move, doesn't say anything. He lets her think it through, lets her imagine a sense of normalcy that goes beyond this massive leap they took tonight.

"Yeah," Kate decides, sitting back on his knees. She offers him a shy smile, her lips kiss-swollen and lovely. She bridges her fingers at his nape, brushes her thumbs to the fine hairs at the base of his scalp. "I'd like that, Castle. I'd also like it if you were here in the morning," she adds, lowering her eyes to the collar of his shirt that her fingers absentmindedly straighten. "We could talk more about... this, over coffee."

He reaches up, strokes one of the stray curls from her cheek.

"Then tell me not to go," he tests. "Tell me to stay."

Kate unfurls from his lap to stand and snags his hands on her way up, dragging him along after her. He rises from the sofa with stiff knees, stumbling into her, and she grins, wrapping arms around his neck. And he can't help marveling at her even then, with her hair a wreck from his hands and her clothes askew, the city at their backs painting streaks of lights across her face, her sparkling eyes and the smile she saves for him and him alone.

"Don't go." She takes a step backwards, leading him towards a half-opened door, to what he assumes is her bedroom. She pauses in the doorway and arches on the toes of her bare feet. "Stay with me tonight." She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, dropping another to his cheek, the crease of his eye. "Wake up with me in the morning." His heart is pounding and he tangles his arms around her waist, pulls her in close. Her lips form a smile against his skin. "Then take me to the loft to prep for trick-or-treaters."

He smiles into the kiss he presses to her lips. He kisses her until they're both breathless and stumbling into her bedroom. They trip and land in a heap on her bed, his body half atop hers as he rises to an elbow, strokes his thumb to the harsh bone of her smiling cheek.

"Happy Halloween, Beckett."

She chuckles against his mouth when he kisses her again, her arms banding firm around his neck and tugging him closer.

"Might just be my new favorite holiday."

[lololova]

would you be open to writing more? whatever you want, if so!

A/N: I'm actually doing a rewatch of Castle with a friend right now. We're on season two and just watched 2x11 (The Fifth Bullet) last night, so...

Set during 2x13 (Sucker Punch).

-

“I’m scared. I mean, what if it doesn't work out? What if it does?”

“That's the cost of living.”

“I just don't want to ruin this.”

“This is dead. You are not. Time to start making some new memories."

- Martha Rodgers & Richard Castle, 2x11.

-

She hears the crack of his skull the second before the fire of her gun, the crackle of her bullet, echoes through the air.

Castle staggers to the precinct floor, cradling the back of his head. Beckett is rooted to the spot, her shoulders tight, hands steady, heart pounding. But then he is falling, her sidekick - no, partner - collapsing beside Coonan's bloodied body, and she forces the grief back down her throat.

For a split second, she hesitates. Maybe... maybe she could keep focus her attention on keeping Coonan alive. But deep down, she knows. She knows her shot was dead center, she knows he's gone. And Castle is down.

"Castle!" she calls, holstering her gun and racing to his side, stepping over Coonan's dead body.

He's slumped against the wall, eyes closed, out cold. Her hands brace at his shoulders, steadying him as his body drifts sideways against the wall.

"Hey, Castle," she murmurs softer, an ice cold trickle of fear slivering down her back. Did he really hit Coonan that hard? Hard enough to knock himself out? "I need a bus!"

"Already on the way, Beckett."

Esposito and Ryan are at her side, Montgomery with two fingers to Coonan's neck. She doesn't let herself look long enough to see what she already knows, to watch the shake of her captain's head.

-

She sits at his bedside in the hospital. The doctor is betting on a concussion, but isn't able to make any firm conclusions until Castle is conscious again.

His mother and daughter met her at the hospital, fluttering in and out of the room like anxious birds. She abused her badge to gain access for the three of them to his room, to stay long past visiting hours. Alexis sleeps on the couch on the other side of the room now, his mother already having returned to the loft to retrieve a fresh pair of clothes for Castle.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" Martha had asked her, her voice quiet so not to wake Alexis.

"Yeah, Martha. I'm fine," she assured the other woman, forcing a smile to cross her lips.

Martha only frowned at her in return. "He's going to be okay, Katherine. I know my boy," she promised Kate with so much conviction, she wanted to believe her. "And when he sees you sitting there, he'll be even better than."

Martha had left the room with a wink, but Beckett couldn't adopt such hope. Her guilt was too busy dragging her heart down into the pit of her stomach.

It's late when his eyes flutter open, a flash of blue in the still darkness. She sits forward immediately, resisting the strange urge to grab his hand, cradle his palm in hers.

"Hey there, Chuck Norris, "she murmurs, earning the shift of his attention, the slight dip of his brow. "How's your head feeling?"

"Hurts," he rasps, wincing.

"I'm sorry," she sighs, reaching for the water beside his hospital bed. She positions the straw at his lips, watching him sip gratefully.

"Thank you," he hums, relaxing back into the pillow, but his eyes remain intense on her. "Where are we?"

"Hospital. The doctor's going to examine you again now that you're awake, but he thinks it's likely just a concussion that should heal without much issue."

"Concussion?" he echoes, confusion tugging at the corners of his mouth. "How?"

"I... you don't remember?" she asks gently. "Coonan, the precinct, the-"

"I don't remember," he interrupts with a deep frown. "I don't remember anything."

-

"Retrograde amnesia," the doctor announces. "The bump to his head, paired with the trauma of the situation... it's rare, but it happens."

Kate sits solemnly beside his mother and daughter, her hands knotted tightly together in her lap. Castle is dressed and perched on the edge of his hospital bed, his foot tapping nervously. He keeps looking at her, as if he's seeking her out.

She keeps her gaze on her knees.

"But it's not permanent, right?" Alexis inquires. "He can get his memory back?"

"It's a complex condition," the older man delivers gently. "He may have all of his memories back by tomorrow, he may never remember anything of his past ever again, or he may fall anywhere in between. It's impossible to tell. I'm so sorry."

Martha utters a soft cry of concern, Alexis grips her father's hand, murmuring reassurances at his side.

Kate stands from the plastic chair. "What can we do to make this as smooth on him as possible?"

"Not too much too soon, but it's okay to nudge reminders his way. Having his family here is a good first step," the doctor nods.

"My family," Castle speaks up, earning the attention of the room. "I know you're my mother and daughter." He nods to Martha and then Alexis, and then his eyes are settling on her once more. "And you... are my wife?"

Kate blinks before abruptly shaking her head. "No, no, we - we work together."

"What do we do?" he inquires, tilting his head in curiosity.

"Well, I'm a homicide detective-"

"I'm a cop?"

"No, you're a writer," she corrects with a twitch of her lips, but this only confuses him further.

"Then what am I doing with a cop?"

"Dad, it's kind of a long story," Alexis chimes in, shooting Beckett a nervous smile.

"But - but you and me?" He rises from the hospital bed, approaching Beckett slowly. "We're together?"

"Work together," she says carefully, but his face scrunches.

"No way," he murmurs, almost to himself, as if he's trying to work out the equation on his own. "If we're not together, we want to be?"

Her throat spasms with panic. C'mon Castle, no. Not in front of his mom and his kid.

"No, we're - we're just friends, Castle."

"Castle?" he repeats, testing the surname in his mouth. "Richard Castle? Weird name."

"No, not weird," she sighs, risking a step towards him. "It's the name of a best-selling author, who is a great asset to a homicide department of the NYPD."

The first true glimpse of him - the smile, the ripple of bright blue in his eyes - flickers before her.

"Why don't you go back to the loft with your mother, with Alexis, and see if anything sparks," she suggests, catching his daughter's eye over his shoulder.

Alexis nods eagerly. "Yeah, Dad. I think it's a great place to start. We can take a literal walk down memory lane."

Her heart eases ever so slightly when he glances to his daughter with the warmest of smiles. Somehow she knows that the large part of his brain dedicated to Alexis will return, unfurling like muscle memory through his mind.

Alexis loops her arm through his, guiding him out of the hospital room while the doctor hands Martha a stack of papers summarizing Castle's visit. They all exit the building together, prepared to go separate ways on the sidewalk, when Castle makes a sound of protest.

"Hey - I didn't get your name," he calls to her.

Something in her chest stings.

"Beckett. Kate," she adds, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Kate," he murmurs, affection, familiarity, and heat infused into the single syllable of her name. "I'll see you soon?"

"It would probably be good for him to see the Twelfth sometime," Martha quips, the smirk on his mother's lips subtle but there. "He practically spends half his time there."

"Twelfth?"

"The precinct. That's where you work with Detective Beckett, Dad," Alexis fills in, her arm still twined protectively through his.

"Oh." Castle's eyes flick back to Kate. "Until tomorrow?"

Her heart stumbles stupidly, just like it did the first time he said those words to her, the useless muscle tripping on hope.

"Yeah, Castle." She offers him the smallest hint of a smile. "See you tomorrow."

-

When Castle arrives at the precinct the next morning, it's with Alexis in tow. Everyone greets him like a hero, but he looks around clueless, a helpless attempt at a smile on his lips while his daughter guides him through the crowd of uniforms.

When he sees her across the bullpen, his eyes light up.

Her stomach turns. She doesn't know how to do this, to... to have him looking at her like that, all unguarded and vulnerable.

"Alexis walked me through my usual morning," he explains once he reaches her desk. His daughter is a few steps behind, talking with Ryan and Esposito, her red hair in a tight braid that sways as she nods along to whatever the boys are saying.

"That's good, Castle. Is it helping?"

"Not yet, but I'm hopeful," he shrugs, shoving hands into his pockets. "Do you ever call me by my first name?"

Beckett glances up from the paperwork scattered on her desk, the files she's failed to focus on since she arrived at five this morning.

"Sometimes," she muses. "It's nothing personal, just cop talk to use surnames."

"Beckett," he says. Testing it out, she realizes. "So do I only call you Kate at home?"

She forces her expression to remain neutral.

Home?

"Castle, we don't really see each other outside the precinct very often," she delivers carefully, watching his face fall.

"Ever?"

"I can't imagine how confusing this must be," she murmurs, shifting from her chair to move around her desk, move a little closer to him. Solely for the sake of keeping their conversation private. "But you and I... we're friends, partners, but not - not more."

His hand scrapes through his finely combed hair, the corners of his eyes settling into troubled lines.

"I just - I swore when I woke up this morning, you were supposed to be next to me."

Her lips part, surprise blooming on her tongue along with something else, something sweet.

"Dad?" Alexis saves her from having to answer. "I've got to get to class, but I'll be back for lunch."

"Don't worry, Pumpkin. I'll be-"

Alexis grabs his arm, her blue eyes wide. "What'd you just call me?"

Castle looks absolutely panicked. "P-pumpkin? I'm sorry, it just... came out."

"That's fantastic!" Alexis squeals, throwing her arms around his neck. "That means your memory must still be in there."

Castle hugs his daughter back, firm and relieved, his gaze flickering back to Kate with delight. So proud of himself.

"Must be," he grins.

-

His first day consists of nothing more than sitting in the chair beside Kate Beckett's desk, stealing longing glances at the woman he's convinced must have been his wife in another life. He obviously isn't sure of much right now, but for some reason, he feels certain of this.

He asks her questions about their time together, about their first meeting, the cases they've worked on together.

His brow furrows when she says they took a break over the last summer, but she bristles when he asks her why.

"I want to help, Castle, but I don't want to give you a biased history lesson," she explains. "The doctor said it's best if the memories are able to come back on their own."

He huffs at the response, but doesn't argue.

The days that follow are a lot of the same - he wakes up, has breakfast with his mother and daughter, walks with Alexis to school and then he makes his way to the Twelfth precinct to be with Kate.

It isn't until the third day that he has his first burst of memory. A burst that leads to an explosion.

Alexis.

She comes back so fast and strong, from the moment she came into his life until the day of the accident. She nearly cries when he tells her that morning, arms latched around his neck as he spins her around in the kitchen.

Bits and pieces of his mother come back next, patchy memories of his childhood, his teen years, his dream come true of becoming a bestselling author. It's all trickling back in like a stream to the river of his mind.

Everything, except for her.

It's been nearly a week and he still can't remember Kate.

"What's your memory of the day, Castle?" she asks him when he finds her in the break room that morning, fiddling with an expensive looking espresso machine.

"A book tour in Europe," he muses, approaching her with an eyebrow raised. Beckett scowls at the frother that hisses at her in return. "You're cute when you're angry."

She pierces him with a glare.

"But not with me," he mutters, coming up beside her and shooing her out of the way. "Here."

Without thinking, he prepares a latte for her, adding the two pumps of vanilla, just how she...

Glimpses of mornings spent with her - on sidewalks, parks, apartments all over the city - squeeze into his brain, pushing through the blank spaces like dripping water through cracks.

"Kate," he exhales, turning to find matching wonder in her gaze. "I bring you coffee."

She pins her bottom lip between her teeth, hazel eyes sparkling near green for him.

"Usually when we meet at crime scenes, but... but I bought this." He glances back to the espresso steaming into the waiting mug. "So you could always have good coffee here."

"Yeah," she exhales, but she's smiling at him. "You did make it a habit over the past year."

"Because it makes you smile," he adds, softer now, because part of him knows that the old him never shared this with her. But he doesn't try to stop the words. "And I love your smile."

That smile he loves so much doesn't exactly leave her face, but it falters, waning across her lips.

"I'm going to remember you," he promises - her or himself, he isn't sure.

"I'm sure you will," she answers quietly, something like sorrow bleeding into her gaze. "And when you remember everything, Rick - when you remember how you ended up in this mess, maybe you'll wish you could forget."

-

Kate avoids him for the rest of the day and he lets her, lets her have her space. He's learned enough to know that pushing her doesn't usually work in his favor.

He follows around Ryan and Esposito instead, squeezing out information, gaining small glimpses of the boys he once knew. He remembers Ryan's favorite tie, the video game Esposito's been trying to find time to play for the last two weeks - random tidbits he's grateful for. They're like little seeds and he knows if he just keeps tending to them, they'll grow.

He's not as patient with his memories of Beckett.

Esposito spills first.

"I'm only telling you this because if you get some random burst of memory in front of Beckett, you're gonna bust us both," he mutters, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "Beckett's mom was murdered, it's why she became a cop. Long story short, I let you see the file, you put your nose where it didn't belong and got involved, tried to bring your money into it to solve the case. It's how you ended up with amnesia and she ended up with another dead end."

It was my mother, not my father.

This is for the life that I saved, and this is for the life that I lost.

The crumpled woman in the alley, the stab wounds in her abdomen, the expert showing him the patterns of wounds on a dead woman's body.

You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary.

What if I let her down?

I didn't think you were arrogant, Castle. I thought what you did was sweet.

"Hey, hey, Castle? Are you okay, bro?"

His head is pounding. His body is sinking.

"Rick."

His eyes snap open to find Kate Beckett kneeling before him. He's on the floor, knees pulled to his chest, head cradled between the hard press of his palms.

The touch of her fingers to his arm is so careful, so comforting. He wants to tug her into his arms, bury his face in her neck, let the fantasy that's been running wild in his head since he woke up and saw her be real.

"Let me take you home."

-

He remembers her mother's case. Not everything, but the bones of it.

"I need you to let this go for tonight," she tells him. They're sitting in her cruiser outside of his loft. Hearing the flashes of his memories, the ones that spread through his brain like a decimating wildfire at the precinct, has a terrible mixture of resentment and guilt swirling through her insides.

She wants to hate him all over again for unearthing this to begin with, but she can't. She can't, because she's always known this was inevitable. A year of therapy could only keep her away from her mom's case for so long.

"You're angry with me."

"No, I'm not," she sighs, but she can't look at him. "I'm angry with myself, with the guy who killed with my mom, with the whole situation."

"But Kate-"

"But your memory - it's delicate. No more ambushing people for information."

She tears her eyes away from the window, the darkening skyline. Storm clouds roam the horizon, merging with the cloak of night.

He looks so sad in the passenger seat, his eyes down, head low. So many of his memories have come back to him, and yet his heart still looks so broken.

"And, I'm only going to say this once, but I need you to know something."

That earns the reluctant lift of his gaze, his attention.

"I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun," she admits, some of the ache of earlier draining away at the twitch of his lips. "So I need you to focus on getting better, on remembering me because - I want my partner back."

The smile he gives her has her leaning her head back against the seat, smiling back at him like an idiot.

"Your secret's safe with me, Kate."

His hand is reaching across the space between them, stealing hers, and she lets him have it.

-

The banging on her door has her jerking awake and reaching for her gun, but then she hears the familiar yet urgent calling of her name.

"Beckett! Beckett! Please be awake!"

She growls and hurries out of her bed, to her front door, before he can wake all of her neighbors.

She yanks the door open to see his fist raised and ready for another series of knocks. He's dripping wet, hair drenched and clothes soaked.

She notices then that it's raining outside, storming if the sound of the downpour and the rumble of thunder is any indication. And he's in nothing more than a t-shirt, flannel pajama pants, and a coat that's flapping open.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" she hisses, dragging him inside by his raised arm.

"Kate, Kate, I'm so sorry," he breathes, his chest falling heavy and fast, his teeth chattering. "I've been going through my files, trying to jog more memories and I - I found the file, my notes, all of it. The one on your mother, the one with the guy who I knocked out, who you had to-"

"Castle," she quiets him, reaching for the panicked, rain stricken face before her. God, he's freezing. "Hey, look at me - breathe."

"No, Kate, it's all my fault," he rasps, holding to her wrists, thumbs pressing at the points of her pulse. "I started all of this. And now your lead is dead and it's because of me-"

"If it wasn't for you, I would have never found my mom's killer," she cuts him off, wiping some of the moisture from his cheeks with the swipe of her thumbs.

The heaving of his chest slows, the anguish in his eyes dimming, calming.

She's never been this close to him before, able to feel the exhale of his cool breath on her lips. She should take a step back, slip her hands from his grasp, create some much needed distance between them.

But the way this version of Castle looks at her, so open and needful, so unabashed in his desire to be near her... it has her body canting towards him, her carefully crafted resistance waning.

"Was I angry at you when you opened this? Yes. But I know why you did it, okay? I know you care, and I appreciate you for it."

"I'm still sorry," he whispers, staring down at her. Raindrops from his hair drip down the slope of his nose, fall to the inches of hardwood between their feet. "I'm sorry it hurt you. I'm so sorry-"

"Shh, no more," she says, gentle but firm. "No more being sorry."

Castle sighs, resting the weight of his cheek into one of her palms, the edge of his lips grazing her skin.

"Thank you."

She nods, touching one of her thumbs to the dip in his chin.

"Did you run all the way here to tell me this, Castle?"

"I couldn't sleep anyway," he shrugs, still holding to the slim bones of her wrists. "I'm up every night, trying to remember more. Remember you."

Her gaze flicks back to his, the blue in his eyes shifting, storming like the clouds outside.

"You remember enough," she tries to placate him. "You've remembered cases, my coffee, the first time we met-"

"The details," he murmurs. "I want every detail back. I read the first Nikki Heat book."

She swallows hard, lowers her eyes to the fabric of his t-shirt plastered to his chest.

"I want to remember what I was thinking when I wrote the dedication, those interrogation scenes, page 105-"

"Stop," she whispers, but her heart is stuttering unevenly in her chest, bumping against ribs and making her feel unsteady.

"I want to remember the moment I knew I wanted more with you," he breathes.

"More?" she echoes, letting his hands glide along her arms, cupping her elbows, trailing her triceps, cradling her shoulders.

"Kate." He leans in, forehead bumping against hers. "When I woke up, I saw you."

Her body sways into his without her permission.

"And I knew it would be okay."

She shakes her head, but he's nudging his nose against hers, lips glancing over hers with such tentativeness.

"Rick."

"When you're not around, everything feels wrong."

She barely has to arch onto her toes to kiss him, barely has to lean forward to finally seal her lips to his. Castle moans softly, as if in relief, as he kisses her back, his arms wrapping around her.

She shivers when the cold, wet front of his body presses against hers, but the chill fails to stop her from rising into him, from hooking her arms around his neck, fingers in his hair.

His mouth is a caress over hers, his tongue reverent as it slips past the seam of her lips.

She's always known he would be good at this, that they would combust from chemistry the moment she finally allowed it, but she didn't prepare for the trembling need in her bones, the rabbitting of her heart, the slam of the door at his back.

"Has it - always been like this?" he gasps, the heat of his breath fanning across her lips.

"Like what?" she murmurs, feathering her fingers at the still healing bump at the base of his skull, tracing her other hand down his side, feeling the quick rise and fall of his ribcage.

"The wanting," he mumbles, sucking her bottom lip between his teeth. Kate hums, kissing him back and slipping a hand beneath the sopping fabric of his shirt. "I don't need to remember to know," he gets out, staining his lips to her jaw, searing along her bone. "I never wanted anyone like this."

He doesn't stop her from shoving the coat from his shoulders, the t-shirt over his head, letting it all hit the ground with a wet slap. He fists his hands in her oversized t-shirt, knuckles brushing the naked skin of her thighs, snagging in the lace at her hips.

Kate mewls against the nip of his teeth, dragging him from the door with her hands at his nape, walking backwards in the direction of her room.

"Me neither," she confesses into his mouth, finding that she believes it too. "It's always felt like this with us."

They stumble into her bedroom, but he's gentle as he lowers her onto the mattress, moves his body over hers, and kisses her like he wants to press every memory into her.

-

She gasps awake, her room still heavy with darkness, the storm still raging outside.

Her back is slick with sweat from that damn dream she's had every night since she shot Dick Coonan, since Castle lost his memories, since everything changed so brutally.

"Bad dream?"

Kate shifts in the sheets, finds him propped up on an elbow, watching her. Rain still spatters against the window across her room, painting splotches of moonlight and streaks of lightning across his skin. Rolling onto her back, she studies the bare expanse of his chest, the ruffled state of his hair, the clear sea of his eyes on her.

"Yeah," she murmurs, but her hand rises for his jaw, caressing the line of his throat with her fingers. "You?"

"No, just don't want to sleep."

Her fingers twine absentmindedly with the baby fine hairs at the base of his skull. "Why not? Afraid you might forget something?"

"Oh no," he grins, eyes sparking mischievously. "You were right, Kate. I had no idea."

Her lips part to make a remark when realization dawns on her.

"You remember that?"

"And a few other things," he teases, but he's smiling wide at her now, causing her heart to skip a few beats. "Not everything is there yet, still some blank spaces and pieces I can't unscramble yet, but... I'm pretty sure I remember the important parts."

She grins and snakes her arms around his neck, pulling herself up to meet him. His chest shakes with laughter against hers and then he's burying his face in her neck, kissing her shoulder.

"Even if I didn't-"

"We'd just make new ones, Castle," she promises him, drawing back and dragging him down with her when she lowers herself back to the mattress, his body draping warm and firm over hers. "I like our..."

"Story," he supplies for her, brushing stray strands of hair from her face.

"Our story," she chuckles. "But I could let go of a few pages if I can have this chapter."

"Ooh, Beckett," he grins, craning his neck to kiss her. "I didn't think you could get any hotter, but please keep using literary metaphors in bed."

She's laughing into his mouth, tangling her legs with his under the sheets.

"Wait," he gasps, tearing away from her. "I gotta ask-"

She arches an eyebrow impatiently.

"Remy's, tomorrow? I don't have a memory of us going on a first date."

Heat is radiating from his skin, his fingers twirling in her hair, and it scares the shit out of her, how much she likes him. How possible it could be to love him. She doesn't know if they would have ended up this way without the events of the last few days, but to resist it would be like fighting the tide. And she's rather enjoyed being swept up in him.

Maybe the fear is worth it, for the chance of loving him, letting him love her.

Her hands cradle his cheeks and she arches her neck to kiss him, slow and long and with desperation in the stroke of her tongue.

Castle moans and presses down, slotting into place against her.

"Yes," she breathes, stroking the bones of his cheek, letting her words caress his lips. "I'll make new memories with you, Rick."

[lololova]

Castle Ficlet: On the Water 1/1

On the Water

The dock is wet beneath them, but Kate knows they’ll live. The boys love getting messy, after all, and she’s in something that will come clean easily – and the world won’t end if it doesn’t.

No, she’s just glad the rain has finally let up long enough for the sun to try to peek through the clouds and for her energetic children to make it outside. They love the cabin and spending time with their grandfather, but if they’d had to stay inside for too much longer, there might have been a mutiny. Or someone might have lost their mind – probably her.

“This is nice, huh?” she asks, leaning to the right and nudging Jake with her shoulder. She waits for his nod before moving to her left and bumping Reece as well. “Better than being inside for a while?”

Both her sons nod enthusiastically. “Uh huh!”

Jake looks over his shoulder before ducking his head. “I didn’t’ wanna play dress up with Lily again today.”

“Meeee either,” Reece agrees, nodding resolutely.

Kate chuckles, reaching over to tweak their cheeks. “She was just trying to include you. But it’s okay that it’s not your favorite thing. I’m proud of you for giving it a try, though.”

They nod.

“Thanks, Momma,” Reece says, looking back at the water. “I like it out here.”

Kate smiles, turning back to study the lake. The reflection of the clouds on the water, the ripples of the wind. It’s a little less pretty in color thanks to the rain churning up the bottom, but it’s still peaceful. “I do, too.”

[lololova]

hey bv, you are so missed. if there's any chance you'd ever write again, please write something based on your favorite song.

A/N: set post season 4, after the events of Headhunters (4x21). Favorite song (of the moment): 'The Alcott' by The National (feat. Taylor Swift).

-

“I get myself twisted in threads to meet you at the alcott I'd go to the corner in the back where you'd always be And there you are, sitting as usual with your golden notebook Writing something about someone Who used to be me”

-

Her heart leaps to her throat at the sight of him, gunshot wound throbbing in time with her pulse. She’s circled back to their swings more times than she can count in the last year, but never did she expect to find them occupied. Not by him. 

“Castle?”

His gaze jerks up to meet hers, his eyes clouded like the skies overhead. The notebook open on his knee snaps shut and his spine straightens. 

“Beckett.” Her name scrapes past his lips, over heart abraded heart, and then he’s shooting to his feet. “Kate,” he amends, a tad warmer but still guarded. 

She swallows and takes a step towards him. “What’re you doing here?” she asks, her lips threatening to quirk at the mere sight of him, the simple fact that she’s interacting with him after over a year of… nothing. 

She lied, he left, and that was it. He stopped coming to the precinct, ignored the single call she made to him weeks after, and she took it as her sign to stop. To, for once, just leave it alone. 

He stopped wanting her. Somewhere between the blondes, the replacement cops, and the blatant chill of his silence, she got the hint. But her heart never really did. 

He arches his brow and she recovers quickly. 

“I mean, I thought you had a new book coming out today,” she explains, noting the flannel draped across his chest, the faded jeans clinging to his waist. Not at all dressed for a day of photos and glamor. 

“Ah, yeah,” he sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck, a sheepish expression claiming his face. “I may have played hooky. Phone’s on silent, so I’m not sure how much trouble I’m in.”

Kate gnaws on her bottom lip. “Mind if I sit?”

She watches his throat ripple, his eyes flicker to the empty swing beside him. 

“Of course not,” he replies, gingerly returning to his own swing, notebook pressed close to his sternum. 

He waits until she’s seated, swaying gently beside him. “How’d you know about the new book?”

She scoffs, digs the heels of her sneakers into the dying grass at their feet. Winter still has the park colored lifeless, naked branches and dead leaves scattered all around them.

“Just because we aren’t… I didn’t just start hating your books, Castle,” she chuckles ruefully. 

The corner of his mouth twitches, just barely. “Well, I’d recommend skipping this one anyway. Not worth your time.”

“What? New muse giving you trouble?” she teases, but he blows out a breath. 

“No new muses, Beckett,” he mutters, some of that familiar ice lining his words. “You should know that.”

“I should?” she echoes, tilting her head in askance. “Because we’ve really been keeping up with one another well enough for that?”

His gaze turns stony at that, any hints of blue gone and fading to grey. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, Kate.”

“Me?” she snaps, incredulous, feeling that familiar pulse of a fire building in her chest. “You’re the one who disappeared. You’re the one who went radio silent on me before you even left.”

“Just taking a page out of your book,” he murmurs, the words cruel but his voice lacking the venom necessary to land the blow. 

Castle stands from the swings, his attention on the street ahead, and her legs follow, her hand reaching for him without thinking.

“I deserve that,” she states, fingers snagging the soft edge of his shirt. He stills, squaring his jaw against her. “But I also feel like I deserve an explanation.”

“For what?" he demands, but still fails to look back at her. "For trying to move on, for preserving my dignity?”

Her fingers tighten, refusing to let go. “This is what I’m talking about. Ever since the bombing case, you were so angry with me and then you left, you - you didn’t even say goodbye.”

“I couldn’t,” he growls, wiping a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I was in love with you, Kate. Is that what you want to hear? That I loved you so damn much, that I was stupid enough to think you might love me back, until I heard you knew all along - what I said when you were shot.” Her heart plummets to her stomach, sinking into the acid of her gut, shriveling to nothing. Castle finally meets her eyes, the anger she so fiercely remembers gone. Nothing but resignation left. “You lied to me. I don’t know if it was to spare my feelings, or because you were embarrassed - it doesn’t matter. Especially now.”

He gently unhooks the slackened fingers from his side. 

“So there’s your explanation,” he mumbles. “And here’s your goodbye, Kate.”

“No,” she rasps, clearing her throat. “Castle, no.”

But he’s already walking away from her.

“Do you want to know the first time I felt it?” she stutters out, clutching the v-neck of her shirt, clutching the thin material shielding her scar.

Castle’s back is to her, but he stops, waits, and sighs. Giving in to her.

“Felt what, Beckett?”

“That I might - that I was at risk of falling in love with you?”

His shoulders shift at that, not quite relaxed but lowering from their hunched defense. 

“The day Dick Coonan tried to shoot you,” she recalls aloud, willing her voice to hold steady. “There was so much at stake that day, but the idea of you getting hurt, especially over me? It scared me in a way I’d never felt before. And then, when you came to the precinct that night, when we sat at my desk and had dinner together, I just - I felt it,” she confesses, her fingers instinctively twining around the chain at her neck. “I just wanted you with me.”

Castle hesitates, but allows the sway of his body towards her, the subtle shift of his step to see her. 

“Since then?” he murmurs, the question barely loud enough for her to hear. 

“Since then,” she confirms, the tight coil of nerves in her chest loosening ever so slightly. “It was the beginning of me recognizing it for what it could be, but every morning you showed up, with a coffee for me, with a smile, I just - god, it scared the shit out of me how I started to feel about you even then, Castle.”

A strangled, breathless sound, something akin to a laugh, skitters past his lips. 

“I know the feeling,” he breathes, chancing a tentative step towards her. “Kate, I-”

“Richard Castle, I am going to strangle you!” The hiss of a woman’s voice breaks the careful words between them. Kate glances to her left to see his agent - Paula, she thinks - storming towards him in a bright fuchsia dress and platform purple heels that sink into the ground. “Do you know how many people have been waiting on you? Do you know how long? Hours, Rick. Hours!”

“Oh no,” Castle expels under his breath, eyes darting between Kate and his agent. “Kate-”

“Remember that brunch place on Greenwich you took me to once? That day we had a murder in the village?” 

He blinks, blue eyes sparkling with memory. “Elephants and Castle?”

“Yes. Meet me tomorrow?” she asks, letting the hope bleed onto her lips, into her eyes. “We can get coffee, maybe talk?”

“Yes, yes,” he agrees, stumbling over the single word. 

“Richard. Castle. I swear to god-”

“Paula, I am coming,” he growls, an impatience to him she almost forgot about, shooting the other woman a fierce look. 

“One. Minute,” she growls back, pivoting sharply on her heel and storming towards the sidewalk. 

“You okay with noon?” he asks hurriedly. 

“Yeah, noon’s perfect,” she murmurs, feeling her lips curling beneath the pin of her teeth. 

His face mirrors hers, the two of them smiling like little kids with crushes on the playground. And for a lovely moment, it's as if the past, the pain, never existed.

“Hey,” she breathes, reaching for his hand, squeezing his fingers. “Thank you. For giving me a chance.”

Those blue eyes trip down to their hands, staring in something close to wonder as his large palm engulfs her slim fingers.

He squeezes back, strokes his thumb along the heel of her palm as they part. 

“Until tomorrow, Beckett.”

-

I sit there silently waiting for you to look up I see you smile when you see it's me I had to do something to break into your golden thinking How many times will I do this and you'll still believe?

-

His heart is rabbiting in his chest, his knee bouncing beneath the cover of the table, shaking his chair. A few of the other patrons shoot him a look of annoyance, but he can’t help it. He hasn’t stopped thinking about her, writing about her in that stupid notebook dedicated to her, since their run in at the swings yesterday. 

He breezed through the remainder of his book release event, signing autographs and taking photos on autopilot. His thoughts spattered with images of her - both new and old. She implied she loved him, loved him back, and now the last five years are tinted in a new shade of optimism.

What if it isn't too late for them after all?

Castle glances hopefully to the entry when he hears the whoosh of the door opening. The weather is uncertain today - grey clouds imposing on the sky yet again, bloated and threatening rain to accompany the winds tunneling through the city. Kate shoves the glass door open with her shoulder, her hair windblown and long, whipping against her too sharp cheeks, the collarbones protruding through her sweater. 

He waits, watching her gaze eagerly take in the room, searching for him, setting alight once she finds him. It makes his breath catch. 

She strides through the quaint restaurant, sliding in across from him in the wooden booth 

“Hey, Castle,” she smiles, tentative, nervous. Not something he’s used to seeing on her, especially not for him. “How are you? And how have you been? I feel terrible for not managing to ask you yesterday.”

He almost teases her for the attempt at small talk, but her expression is so open to him, so beseeching. 

“I think yesterday took us both off guard. Who needs manners in the face of a reunion?” 

She chuckles. “Well, the question stands nonetheless.”

He hesitates, but proceeds to tell her bits and pieces of the last year - Alexis’s graduation, her move to California to attend Stanford, his mother’s persistent presence in his life and the new love interest that has her out of the loft more often than not. He leaves out much talk of his career, ashamed of the swan dive into despair his writing skills have taken. He goes to ask about her, about the Twelfth, but as if sensing it, she steers him away from conversation about her own life. 

“How’d the rest of the book event go?”

He winces. “Well, let’s just say I’m on my third strike with Black Pawn.”

“Third, huh?” She arches a single brow at him. “Been getting into trouble without me, Rick?”

The flare of teasing in her eyes, in the curve of her mouth, is so dazzling in its familiarity. It’s like a punch to the gut, realizing how many pieces of her he’s been missing. 

“Well, not legally. Just some missed deadlines and events here and there,” he muses, nodding to the waiter who catches his attention over Beckett’s shoulder. “I ordered us lattes.”

The steaming mugs are placed in front of them, menus left on the edge of the table. She glances down, pleased. 

“And if you’re hungry-”

“I think I’m okay,” she murmurs, chewing on her bottom lip in that maddening habit she apparently hasn’t dropped. “I just have a lot I need to say.”

He bridges his fingers beneath his chin to stop them from shaking. “Gonna tell me about another time in our partnership that I won you over?”

He’s teasing, but she purses her lips, as if bracing herself. Oh, she is-

“When my apartment blew up. A little before, actually,” she confesses on a chuckle that wobbles its way out of her throat. “But that day… while I appreciated the heroics, it was more so the way you were there for me afterwards.”

He watches intently as she lowers her eyes to the billowing steam of her coffee, lashes kissing her cheeks and hiding her eyes. 

“You had this way of knowing what I needed, how much to push, when to take a step back.” Her mouth softens into a mournful curve. “It bothered me back then. I hated how in sync we were.”

“Hated how much you liked me.”

“Yes,” she sighs, but there’s a smirk tugging at her lips. “I did.”

The rawness of her honesty takes him off guard. As far as he knows, Beckett has only actually lied to him about one major event, but regardless, she has always been guarded. Never one to share or let people in. He’s certain he was an exception in learning as much as he did about her. But to have her sit before him, answering his subtle teases and nudges of inquiries with directness… it's nearly enough to startle him. 

But it isn’t merely openness on her face, vulnerability in her eyes, it’s determination, too. 

“Is that why… Demming, Josh?” 

Her palms cradle her mug then, her head nodding softly. “Yeah. It was… easier. How’d you put it - one foot out the door relationships?”

“I’m guilty of them too,” he says, needing to ease the frown claiming her lips, the obvious discomfort his question evoked. “I mean, my entire relationship with Gina… just that summer alone, all I could think about was you. It was all only ever because I couldn’t have you.”

“Oh, Castle,” she sighs, his name such a sorrowful sound on her lips. “What’s done is done, but we both wasted so much time.”

He echoes her exhale and reaches across the table, presses his knuckles against hers. Her skin is hot, radiating warmth stolen from the mug, and he lets it seep into his own skin. 

“That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To stop that?”

“I thought I was here to win you over,” she murmurs, tongue in cheek, and he can’t help the smile it elicits. The genuine smile that cracks his cheeks for the first time in nearly twelve months.

“You definitely set that in motion yesterday,” he chuckles, fitting his knuckles in closer against hers, letting the bones slot into place against hers. “The woman I loved for the last five years telling me there’s a chance? I couldn’t walk away from that.”

“It’s not a chance, Castle,” she says adamantly, her demeanor shifting, eyes glittering with resolve. “It’s a sure thing. You found out I heard you at Montgomery’s funeral.” And wow, she’s really just diving right into it, huh? “That’s what I’m assuming you mean when you accuse me of lying?”

His lips purse. “Yeah.”

Her hand abandons the coffee cup, disrupting his touch only to reclaim it, clutching his fingers with a gentle ferocity that she’s always owned. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, thumb stroking back and forth over his knuckles now. “I never wanted to hurt you, Rick. I hope you can believe that much.”

“I - my first thought wasn’t that you were doing it out of malice,” he manages, his mouth dry. “I just assumed you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Maybe ask next time?” she huffs before shooting him an apologetic cast of her gaze. “I didn’t feel like I was ready to love you the way I wanted to.”

He catches her thumb with his own, twining them. “In what way, Kate?”

He needs her to say it, to be as clear as possible. The last thing they can afford is another misunderstanding. 

Beckett shifts, her shoulders threatening to jump to her ears. Self-conscious, uncertain, scared. They were both so afraid of each other. 

“In a way that would last,” she breathes out, meeting his eyes with need in hers - the need for him to understand, to reassure, to reciprocate. “I didn’t want one foot out the door with you, Castle. I wanted to be all in. And I couldn’t do that with a hole in my chest and the PTSD flare ups, with Montgomery dead and my mom’s case feeling closer than ever, yet so far away at the same time.”

“You needed time,” he surmises softly, watching her nod grateful and slow. 

“I know we talked on the swings, but maybe we - I should have been more clear. But it all felt so raw, I didn’t want to touch it,” she confesses, squeezing his hand. “If I could go back… if I knew a year ago that this is why you were leaving me? God, Castle,” she rasps, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. “This past year without you has sucked.”

A laugh startles out of him, drawing a tiny smile from her own mouth to the surface. 

“Consider the sentiment shared,” he chuckles, tugging at her hand, but she winces - nearly gasps - at the movement. “Beckett?”

���Just sore,” she assures him, the smile on her lips waning. “Busy week at work.”

But her eyes have left him, falling back to the safety net of coffee growing cold. There’s something she’s not telling him, something she’s avoiding saying. 

“Beckett,” he murmurs, narrowing his gaze on her. “Kate, tell me.”

“Just… the guy who shot me.” She gently disentangles her hand from his. “We caught a lead last week and me and Espo went after him.”

He sucks in a harsh breath. 

“I ended up chasing him onto a rooftop. He - he threw me over the edge of the building, got away. Ryan found us, pulled me up before I could fall,” she explains, fingers knotting in front of her. He sees it now, the mottled bruising on her wrist, the stray cut along her throat, the purpling green hiding behind the layers of hair whispering along her forehead. 

“You… you’re never going to stop,” he realizes aloud, scrubbing a hand at his jaw, the stubble growing there. “That’s why they keep coming after you, Kate. Montgomery tried to ensure your survival with that package and you just-”

“Excuse me?” 

He blinks, realizing his error too late. They never had the chance to talk about this.

“Castle,” she says calmly, but he can hear the quaking of her voice. “What package?”

“Kate-”

“No,” she snaps, quiet but firm, a hint of interrogation in her voice. “You want open and honest, Castle? Well, so do I. Now what’re you talking about?”

It’s the worst possible thing he could do, letting this information slip, but it’s already too late. She won’t let it go. 

So he tells her. Tells her everything about Montgomery’s friend, Smith, and how the other man struck a deal with the people behind her mother’s murder, her own shooting. How there was only one condition to her maintained safety, her survival, how she was supposed to back off. 

For a long moment, there is silence, stillness, the sounds of the restaurant muted around them. 

She won’t look at him. 

“Are you a part of this?” she questions, her voice ragged and scraping along his sternum. 

“I just - I wanted to keep you safe.”

He feels the wall resurrect.

“You… cut a deal for my life, like I’m some kind of child,” she whispers, her jaw squaring sharp enough to slice. “Have the audacity to lecture me, to call me a liar, to walk out of my life for it, and all along…” The irises of her gaze have gone dark. “You were a liar too.”

-

I'll ruin it all over (Read my sentence out loud) And over like I always do ('Cause I love this curse on our house)

-

“Kate!”

She can barely breathe past the lump in her throat.

“Kate, stop!”

She keeps walking - practically jogging - down the sidewalk. She isn’t sure where she’s going, only that she needs to be away, away from him, from this damning new knowledge, from the hypocrisy of it all. It hurts too much.

She clocks the street. If she just crosses over to 7th Avenue, she can lose him at the next subway platform. 

But he isn’t keeping a bad pace. 

“This isn’t fair,” he calls after her, a lot closer than she hoped. It doesn’t matter now, though, because that has her spinning on her heel, slamming her fists into his chest when he smacks into her. 

“Fair?” she snarls, but he’s catching her wrists before she can shove him away. “That entire year, I needed a lead, and you kept it from me.”

“Kate, you need to listen to me,” he argues, walking backwards and jerking her along with him, off the public sidewalk and into a park. Perfect, she can abandon her heart in yet another playground.

“Listen to you?” she growls, ripping her hands from his grasp. “How am I even supposed to trust anything you’re saying to me right now?”

“How-” His chest heaves with a deep breath. “Because of everything we’ve been through together! You think you were the only one who was terrified of loving someone so much? You are the most… remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met and I have loved you damn near since the moment I saw you.”

His words batter her chest like a hammer to her ribs, splintering down her sternum, eviscerating the remnants of her heart. 

“When I was drowning in the death of Derrick Storm, with no inspiration, you came walking into my life like something I never knew I needed. Everything that followed, the four years of nearly dying on a regular basis, and - save for my child - there was nothing I wanted more than you.”

Kate scrapes a hand through her hair, paces towards a small garden in the park's center, a tiny pond of koi fish. Her bruises are throbbing with awareness, her fractured wrist aching, her brittle bones yearning for rest. The night before last, before she ended up finding her way back to a place she thought of as theirs and finding him by some chance that felt like a miracle, she should have died. It was enough to inspire her to reevaluate her life, to consider what she might want more than unattainable justice for her mother, for herself. To finally face just how much she wanted him. 

“I can’t pinpoint the moment I knew I was falling for you, Kate. But I knew when I was done for.”

“Castle, stop,” she rasps, swiping fingers to the paper thin skin beneath her eye, catching any moisture before it can fall. 

“The night Ryan and I were kidnapped by Tyson, when you burst through the door, sat with me out by the pool, I just remember thinking… this is all I need.” Kate glares up at the sky, willing away the stupid sting in her eyes, focusing on the darkening of the clouds instead. “And a few weeks later, when I kissed you… god, there was no going back. All I could think about was how I was going to do it again.”

“Stop,” she hisses, turning on her heel. But he’s watching her with such a striking ache in his eyes, mercurial and shimmering.

“The freezer, Montgomery’s funeral, the bank - all of it was some sick reminder from the universe of how much time I was wasting not being with you.” Castle advances on her slowly. She stands her ground, arms banded tightly at her chest. “Every time we nearly died, all I could think about was you.”

He stands a breath away from her now, towering over her by a few inches without her heels. 

“Tell me you didn’t feel the same.”

Her teeth clench as she forces a swallow down her dry throat. 

“I’m not going to lie again,” she admits on a rasp, holding the defiance in his eyes with her own. “But you left, Castle. And maybe it was for the best after all.”

His palms cup her shoulders before she can brush past him, anticipating her move before she can make it. 

“Did you fall out of love with me this past year? Because I’m damn sure still in love with you, Kate.”

-

I tell you the truth (Could it be easy this once?) It's the last thing you wanted (Everything that's mine is a landmine) It's the first thing I do (Did my love aid and abet you?) I tell you that I think I'm falling Back in love with you

-

“That - that doesn’t matter,” she whispers, the fight dripping out of her. Her fingers curl around his arm, ready to dismantle his hold on her at last, but his hands are already leaving her shoulders. Moving to cup her face. “Rick-”

He’s kissing her before she can think to back away, palms cradling her cheeks and mouth slanting over hers. Her body practically sinks into him, into his kiss, into the unique taste of home and reprieve only he has ever given her. The moan escapes unbidden and low, just like it did the first time, and her fingers fist in the sleeves of his shirt, pulling him closer. 

Her back connects with the nearest tree, spine arching, chest connecting with his. Castle hums and splays his palms at her shoulder blades, soothes her bottom lip between his. She rises on her toes, arms lacing around his neck as she kisses him back, deep and slow. Everything she’s wanted since he walked away from her.

“It matters,” he breathes against her lips, bumping his nose against hers. “I love you, Kate. Tell me that still means something.”

For a horrifying moment, she fears she’s started to cry, but the water on her cheek has Castle looking to the sky. 

“It’s starting to rain,” he sighs, his fingers scaling her sides, curling at her hip bones. 

“Then take me home,” she husks, unable to help the quirk of her lips when his gaze flashes back to her like lightning. She lifts her hand to his cheek, trails tentative fingers down his skin, tracing the angle of his jaw. She wants to learn every inch of him. “Because I want you to know just how much it means to me."

His hips bump against hers as he allows his hands to converge at the base of her vertebrae, arms coiling tightly around her and sealing her in close. 

She grins as she tilts her chin to kiss him once more, savoring the familiar heat of his mouth on hers, the perfect fit of his lips. The stray droplets are turning into a drizzle, but she doesn’t hurry the work of her mouth against his. 

“So take me home,” she picks up, glancing up to meet the gorgeous blue of those eyes she's missed. “Fall back in love with me completely.”

[lololova]

Castle Ficlet: Going Public 1/1

Going Public

His hand catches hers as it fidgets on the tabletop, stilling her nervous movements and hoping to lend her some comfort as she works through… whatever it is that’s bothering her.

“Beckett,” he says when her fingers flutter against his.

“I’m sorry.”

Castle frowns. Something is wrong; she’s far more nervous than she should be for a regular breakfast date. Hell, the fact that they’re having a breakfast date, when so far in their relationship they’ve kept to the shadows, is enough to give him pause.

“What’s going on?” he asks, lifting an eyebrow.

Her face blanks but they both know she’s not fooling anyone because she sighs a moment later.

“I want to tell Gates,” Kate says. Her tongue swipes over her lip quickly. “About us, I mean. And, well, I’m going to have to tell her…”

He leans closer, questions poised on the tip of his tongue – what changed her mind, why that seems to be scaring the hell out of her instead of feeling like a breath of fresh air – but she stops him with a quick shake of her head. She needs him to shut up long enough to let her get this out.

“I’m going to have to tell her anyway,” she exhales, lowering her chin for a second before she smiles. It’s a tentative, terrified smile, but it’s there. “Because I’m pregnant, Castle.”

[lololova]

Less is more - Naked

Kate’s getting frustrated with him, and even more frustrated because they’re in the middle of a crime scene with all their friends around them and she can’t tell him off without letting them know what’s different. When they’re, finally, walking out of the crime scene though she’s pulling him harsh at his arm and takes him into an open hotel room. It looks empty and so she pushes the door shut and when he’s about to say something she hits his arm and starts scolding him.

“Don't’ look at me like that!” she half screams, half whispers.

“Like what?” he asks as he rubs the arm she’d just hit.

She looks around again, makes sure the door is shut. “Like you’ve seen me naked!” she whisper-yells and the fear on his face disappears, and a smirk appears.

“But I have,” he says and she groans.

“Act normal!” she reminds him and he chuckles.

“Well, you’re the one who dragged me into an empty hotel room while still at work.”

He gives her a look and it’s not supposed to send those tingles straight down her body the way it does.

“Stop it!” she snaps and he chuckles.

“You’re only mad because it makes you think about last night,” he says the a low voice and she has to concentrate to not think about the way he’d made her scream in pleasure the night before.

“Castle, I’m warning you,” she tries to sound threatening, but it frustrates her how weak and small it sounds.

“Ooh, for once I have an upper hand,” he says with a smirk on his lips as he quickly puts his hands on her hips and pulls her so close to his body she’s gasping.

“Castle, work.” Is all she gets out before his lips are claiming hers in a hot kiss.

It doesn’t last for long, because he’s pulling away way too soon.

“Work, Beckett,” he states when she’s chasing his lips again and the two chuckle.

“I hate you,” she says and he squeezes her hips, making her bite her lip.

“Oh, I know, now come on, the sooner we close the case the sooner we can get back to your place,” he says and she hums when he leans down to kiss her lips again.

“Okay,” she agrees but before he opens the door she stops him with a hand to his chest and a stern look. “But no more looks. One more and I’m sending you home.”

“‘Kay,” he says and with one last nod they leave the room and go back to work.

Both with motivation to solve this quickly.

The end

-----------------------

A/N: This shot is highly inspired by the tweet from wrongcaskett who wrote:

”Beckett: don't look at me like that.

Castle: like what?

Beckett: like you've seen me naked!”

Hope you enjoyed it! Until next time, xxxx

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett

[lololova]

Beyond the words - Bad kisser

Inspired by a tweet written by @/wrongcaskett sent from @/castle_absentia . Thanks to both of you and tweet at the end just to not spoil anything.

----------------------

Kate’s kind of sick of the way Lanie keeps bringing up Castle into their conversation. And right now they’re arguing about how good he is at everything. At least that’s what she’s so frustrated about, Lanie is just having a good time with all this.

“I can’t believe he managed to wrestle that suspect and then he goes and gloates about it,” Kate rants, because he’s so nauseating. He’s always giving her that smirk that says he knows she’s impressed. But she’s not!

“Oh, come on Kate,” Lanie says, laughing at her friend’s frustrated groan. “He can’t be good at everything,” she argues and then smirks. “Who knows? Maybe he’s a bad kisser or something.” Lanie’s laughing and Kate starts to growl.

“No, he’s good at that too,” slinks out of her mouth in a growl without her even thinking about it and her best friend stops laughing within seconds in order to give her a glare.

“What?!” she yells out and Kate widens her eyes in horror.

“What?” Kate tries to mask the horror, tries to act normal and pretend like she hadn’t said what she’d just said.

“Don’t you ‘what’ me, what did you just say?” Lanie says and Kate shrugs her shoulders as innocently as possible.

“I didn’t say anything, you must be hearing things.”

“No, nope,” Lanie argues. “I heard you, what do you mean he’s a good kisser?”

Kate wrinkles her forehead. “I didn’t say that.”

Lanie slaps her arm and she immediately yelps because that was no light tap. “Lanie!”

“Oh, don’t you ‘Lanie’ me, you’ve kissed and now you gotta tell!” Lanie says demandingly and Kate rubs her arm.

“I haven’t…” she starts but Lanie lands one of her stares on her that makes her realize there’s no use in lying. With a sigh of defeat she runs her hand through her hair. “You remember that case when Ryan and Espo were taken hostages and me and Castle found the warehouse they were held in?” She fumbles with her fingers as she’s right back in that alley, remembering his taste filling her mouth as she’s kissing him back right before she understood what was going on. “Well, in order to distract the guard outside that door Castle had a plan we could pretend to be two drunk friends out on a walk, and so we did and… the guard was about to make us and so I reached for my gun. Castle-stopped-me-and-kissed-me-instead,” she says in one breath, getting it out as quickly as possible and continues to turn around, away from her best friend in order to hide as she’s taking her wine with her towards her friend’s couch.

“And why haven’t you told me this before?” the latina asks as she’s following along.

“Because I know you’re going to turn it into something it’s not,” Kate simply says as she takes a sip of her wine.

“Woell it is!” Lanie’s laughing and Kate’s groaning. “Come on Kate! You like him, and he likes you so why are you denying it?”

“I don’t like him,” Kate immediately responds with irritation in her voice.

“And yet you keep bringing him up every time we talk,” Lanie says with an u-huh voice.

“I’m not, you are!”

Her friend’s laughing and Kate’s giving her a harsh look.

“Oh Kate, why can’t you just ask him to dinner? What’s the worst that could happen?”

She’s about to say something sarcastic, something that would make her friend stop harassing her about her partner, but something in Lanie’s eyes tells her she’s sincere and really wants to know what’s so frightening about it all. With that in mind Kate takes a deep breath and tries to find the words for the feelings inside her. It’s not easy. In fact, she’s not even sure what she feels. He is a nine year old on a sugar rush still but… at the same time it’s different now.

Lanie sighs, probably because Kate has said nothing in the matter of ten whole minutes. “I know you’re scared Kate. But how are you ever going to fall in love if you don’t risk your heart?”

Kate bites her lower lip, her eyes stuck in her wine glass. But if she doesn’t risk her heart she won’t be hurt.

“Isn’t it better to risk being hurt than to never be able to find someone you can spend your life with?” Lanie asks and she realizes she must’ve mumbled her thoughts out loud.

“Maybe,” she whispers.

“You should go tell him how you feel,” Lanie says and when she sees the terrified look on her friend’s face she smiles tenderly. “Okay, maybe not now. But soon, before he’s done waiting for you.”

“Why do you think he’s waiting on me?” Kate questions and the latina laughs.

“Do you really think he’d risk being shot?”

She had a point. “Can we get back to drinking wine now?”

Lanie continues to laugh but does indeed change subject, to Kate’s relief. All the while they’re talking about a bunch of other things she can’t help but focus her thoughts on her partner and how to… move forward? and let him know she thinks they should try to be more than just partners in the working sense. Nothing she could think of seemed like something she could go through with though and she walks to bed without knowing what to do about her situation. Her mind keeps on thinking about it in her sleep though, turning it all into a dream where the two of them kissed the same way they did in that alley that night.

--------------------------------

It’s pretty hard to stay focused the next time she sees him. She can’t help but think back to her conversation with her best friend. And when they catch the case with the bomb she’s constantly thinking about telling him but not feeling brave enough. That is until the clock on the bomb is ticking away in front of them.

“Fallon!” Kate calls out into the phone, her heart racing.

“I can't see anything!” comes out of the phone and Kate locks eyes with her partner. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

She’s glancing back to the bomb, seeing the timer go to ten seconds left and feels her heart shatter. “Castle,” she breathes out and he carefully grabs her hand. It almost feels as if time is slowing down and she takes a leap, standing onto her toes and claiming his lips with hers in a quick kiss before she pulls back to see something change in his eyes. His blues suddenly got a very determined look in them as he turns to the bomb and yanks all of the wires at once.

For a second everything is still. It feels as though they’re in a dream where everything else goes on as though nothing has happened even though everything just changed. They had been doomed a second ago and now they’re standing here, holding hands and with all the wires in his hand, the timer stuck at one. It takes another two seconds before she realizes; they’re still alive.

“Oh,” she gasps before she turns to her partner to see him letting go of all the wires with shock written all over his face.

“Yes!” he suddenly exclaims and before she knows it he’s hugging her and she’s immediately hugging him back, grateful to be alive. And when they pull apart she can see his eyes glance down at her lips with a longing that makes her heart skip a beat. She’s about to stand onto her toes but before she does she hears a voice still coming through her phone.

“Hey?! Detective! You still there? Hello?”

The two partners immediately let go of each other and Kate lifts up her phone again.

“Yeah, Fallon, we’re still here. You won’t believe it,” she says with shock and relief all over her voice.

“They messed up the bomb?” She can hear Fallon still being as torn as he was when he told them he couldn’t help them.

“No,” she starts laughing. “Castle just yanked all the wires at once.”

Kate’s releasing a deep sigh when she hears sirens in the distance coming closer, finally.

“You can tell me more in a minute, I can see you,” Fallon says and Kate looks up to see the car Fallon had driven away in earlier pull up behind the van the bomb is still in.

During the debriefing and the bomb squad taking care of the bomb Kate couldn’t stop stealing glances to her partner and if she saw right he was doing the same. Once that was done they got sucked into a drink at the precinct with their coworkers and Kate kept thinking to herself she wanted to get out of there, but at the same time she didn’t want to make it obvious why she wanted to get out of there. She has a feeling that if she and Castle had declined the drink the rest would have a clue about what was going on, what happened. So, they stayed there, sharing the drinks and talking about how close they’d gotten for as long as they felt was necessary. Kate is the first to bid a goodnight and leave, when she does she hears her partner say he should get going too. She thinks she hears something about him wanting to talk with his daughter and mother before he’s saying night.

She can feel his presence behind her before she feels his fingers brush hers while they wait for the elevator.

“So, you’re going home? I’m sure Alexis and Martha are waiting for you,” Kate asks and when the elevator arrives they step into it as he answers.

“Oh, no, they’re not, I’ve been texting with them this whole time and told them I might come in very late,” he says and when the doors have closed he’s moving closer to her. “I really think we should talk, my place or yours?”

She bites her lower lip, thinks about the perks of either place. At her place there’s no risk of being interrupted but at his place there’s no risk of them going further before they talk thanks to the risk of being interrupted. A part of her doesn’t care about that risk.

“How about my place? We’ll grab some Remy’s on our way there and make sure to eat as well,” she suggests and he nods with a smile growing on his lips.

“Sounds great, now that you mentioned it I’m hungrier than I thought,” admits and she chuckles.

It takes them thirty minutes to get to her apartment, and it’s getting harder and harder to resist touching him. The ride in the elevator had been the worst, especially since she couldn’t stop thinking about the quick kiss she gave him before he pulled all the wires. She’s even fumbling a bit with her keys because of it as she’s unlocking the door.

“Why don’t you put the food on the dinner table and I’ll go get some napkins,” Kate suggests and Castle nods.

When she’s getting the napkins she has her back towards him and before she’s turning around she feels his hands land on her hips and pushes a bit to turn her to him, his lips claiming hers before she can tell what’s going on.

“Mmm,” Kate moans as she feels his fingers dig into her hips and his tongue is sneaking past her lips to roll with hers.

After a minute, or two she’s not sure because the way his taste is filling her mouth is going straight up her mind, he’s pulling away slightly and they’re both panting.

“Sorry, I just… I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming before,” Castle pants into her mouth and she’s letting go of a small laugh.

“We should eat before the food gets cold,” she says as she’s tipping onto her toes to kiss his lips again. “Come on.”

She grabs one of the hands on her hips and pulls him with her as she goes towards the dinner table where he left the food.

“So, uhm,” Kate starts when they’ve eaten a few bites. “I was talking to Lanie before this case hit us and I-uh, I like you, Castle. I have for a while,” she keeps on looking at her food, not daring to look up at him. “I just-I’m… not good at this.” It sounds frustrated and she feels herself lose her breath.

She can feel his eyes on her, most likely looking at her with questions in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

She puts down her burger and starts picking at her fries. She’s not sure how to describe it, not her feelings nor the way she’s felt ever since that cold night in January. How she’s so scared about getting her heart broken again, how she’s not sure she could survive that break.

“I don’t… I don’t do… real, but I know this… is,” she eventually gets out, her fingers still picking at her fries.

“So, you’re afraid this will fall before it even begins?” he carefully asks and she feels her cheeks blush as she glances up at him only to see him observing her carefully.

“I guess you could say that,” she agrees.

“Well,” he starts and she looks up at him more closely. “I can assure you I won’t let that happen. I’m in this if you are, and I promise not to let it fall apart that easily.”

He stretches one of his hands to tenderly touch her hand with his fingers, making her skin tingle along with her insides calming down from the touch and the words of promise.

“I’m in,” she whispers, turning her hand to be able to intertwine their fingers together.

“Good,” he says and when she focuses back at him again, and not at their fingers, she can see the big smile on his lips and her own pulls up. “Let’s finish dinner, and then we can talk even more.”

She bites her lip again as she nods and they let go of each other’s hands in order to continue eating. It feels better now, even though she hasn’t told him everything. But then again, she has a feeling he accepts her no matter if she tells him everything right away. When the burgers are swallowed, the fries are finished and the milkshakes have been sipped, they move from the kitchen table to the couch. Before she knows it she’s crawling close into him, and it doesn’t take very long before their lips are fused together again.

“I really like you too Kate,” he says against her lips and she smiles.

Their next kiss turns deeper and hotter and she pushes her body closer to his, can’t help but want to feel him against her. And feeling his hands travel to her lower back in order to pull her even closer is kind of arousing. Her fingers are in his hair, his tongue in her mouth, and they’re both moaning as she’s slowly grinding into him. This couldn’t be a more perfect ending to the day they survived a bomb. They don’t end up having sex that night, but they do end up sleeping next to each other and waking up intertwined in the morning. That’s when they can’t resist each other anymore and make love for the first but definitely not the last time. They have a lot more to talk about but it is still too early to have been able to talk about everything anyway so she’s not worried, and from what she can tell he’s not worried either. In fact, nothing has ever felt so right. And they can’t wait to discover every little quirk about each other, in their own time.

The end

@/wrongcaskett

“Lanie: c’mon, Castle can’t be good at everything. who knows, maybe he’s a bad kisser or something.

Beckett: no, he’s good at that too.

Lanie: what?

Beckett: what?”

Please write this //@/castle_absentia

Thanks for reading! Until next time, xxx

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett

[lololova]

Beyond the words - Overkill with a truth twist

Set in s2 episode 23 when Demming and Castle disputes about who’s right and Kate states they’ve got two good suspects and that they should stop competing.

Kate’s so sick of this behavior of these two and so she walks out of the room with the comment of how it’s not a competition. She goes straight to the break room as she’s trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with the two men. Why can’t they just… get along?! She starts to make coffee and, of course, she burns herself in the process. She feels a presence come into the room and she holds back a big groan. Whoever it is, she's going to kill him if he brings up the other one. To her surprise he doesn’t.

“Here,” he offers to take over the coffee making and since it actually does kind of hurt on her finger she lets him.

She goes to pour water on her finger instead as she looks over to the man at the espresso machine. She doesn’t understand why he acts the way he does. He’s not normally this-this… childish. At least not anymore. What the hell happened? Once her finger doesn’t hurt that much anymore she goes to close the door, figuring this might be her only chance to confront the man. Looking through the window in the door she noticed the other man still standing by their murderboard, his fingers under his chin in a deep-thinking position. Taking a deep breath in she gathers strength.

“Here’s your coffee.”

She turns around and smiles carefully as she accepts the cup. “Thanks.” She bites her lip before she nods towards the tall table in the middle of the room and he follows without hesitation, probably thinking she’s going to say something about the case. “Hey, Castle.”

“Hm?” he hums and even though he’s looking at her she can’t get herself to meet his blue eyes.

“Why are you so against Tom?” she asks and feels his whole body demeanor change.

“I’m not-,” he starts but she cuts him off.

“Don’t. I can see it, Castle, don’t deny it.” She can hear the small desperation in her own voice and so she clears her throat.

She looks up at him and clenches her jaw as she stares into his blues, just like he’s staring into her hazels. It’s almost like they’re having a staring competition. First on to talk loses. She’s not going to lose this one. At least that’s what she keeps repeating in her mind until she finally sees his mouth open.

“I don’t like him,” he says and she raises a brow.

“Why not?”

“Because…” he stops talking and she silently demands him to continue. She can see the inner fight and wonders what the hell is going on inside that beautiful head of his. “Because he’s with you. Because he gets to go inside your wall. Because he can call you his. Because I’m not him.”

Kate feels her insides freeze. What does that even mean?

“It means I don’t want to be your partner. It means I want more. I don’t want to be just friends,” he answers the question she wasn’t even aware she said out loud and she feels her insides churn with the new information.

When she’s not answering, simply standing there with her jaw slightly dropped, he’s sighing and turns to leave. One part of her wants to stop him, the other part is too frozen to do anything but stare after him. She follows him with her gaze until he’s long gone, probably going home.

“Hey, Kate?”

She looks back to the door where the writer left through a couple minutes ago. “Yeah?”

Tom looks at her with a tilt in his head and a concerned facial expression. “You wanna call it a night? Or do you want to order in?”

“I-” Kate looks down at her coffee still in between her hands. “I need to think.”

“Okay, so,” he starts and she looks up at him again. “Can I walk you out?”

She bites the insides of her cheeks. “I think… Tom, I don’t…” she sighs.

He comes closer and she can tell he’s reading into the whole situation. He places himself in front of her, right where the writer had been standing when he…

“Was it something I said? Or something I did?” he asks and Kate looks up at the man with a heavy heart.

“No, you’re great, you’re really great. It’s just… I don’t think that you and I are what I need right now,” she eventually says as that’s exactly where her thoughts are taking her. He’s not what she wants, not really.

His eyes are focused on the table as his fingers start scratching his head. “I should’ve known,” he sighs and she wrinkles her forehead. Just as she’s about to ask what the hell he meant by that he’s asking a completely separate question. “Do you still need me around for the case or is it okay if I step away?”

She thinks about it for a second. “I-uh, I don’t think so but…”

“Then just let me know how it goes. See you around Kate,” he cuts her off before he turns around and leaves.

Kate’s left with her own thoughts, her very confused and wandering thoughts. The robbery detective just let her go. And only a few moments before that the writer had told her more about his feelings than she had been prepared for. Right now she feels her whole world imploding. What is she even supposed to do?

She doesn’t realize how long she’s been standing there until she eventually takes a sip of her coffee only to find it being cold. Scrunching her nose she swallows it despite the bittersweet taste it’s gotten from the cold.

“Urgh,” she grunts as she goes to pour out the coffee in the sink before she, too, goes to leave the precinct.

Before knowing what’s going on she’s at the morgue, scaring Lanie once again with her presence. She tells her best friend everything, against her better judgement, and during the whole conversation the medical examiner is giving her this look that she does, as if everything is obvious to her.

“What are you doing here?” Lanie questions and Kate looks at her confused.

“What do yo-”

“You should be at writerboy’s loft already!” she exclaims and when Kate isn’t moving or reacting in any other way than staying confused the M.E. sighs with frustration. “You just broke up with Demming, don’t you understand why? You want to be with Castle! Even if you don’t want to see it, that’s exactly what you want! You might be a great detective, Kate, but you suck at detecting and admitting your own feelings.” Ouch.

“I’m not-” Kate starts but the look Lanie’s giving her makes her cut off her own sentence.

“You’re into him, better yet, you’re crazy about him, and girl I’ve known you for years and I’ve never seen you have as much fun as you do around him. You never really lived until he started following you around.”

Kate bites her lower lip as she thinks about how it all was before the writer came barging into her life. It’s true she never really had any fun, always more committed to work than to anything else. Even her dad has mentioned it, once or twice.

“Kate,” Lanie says as she comes closer to her only to grab her arms. “What are you waiting for, just go.” She turns her around and carefully pushes her towards the door and the elevator. “And don’t forget to tell me everything, tomorrow.”

Kate’s inside the elevator within no time and Lanie leans in to push the button before waving her goodbye as the doors close. She tries to calm herself down from the racing heart she’s getting. Should she really go to him? She could just go home, tell Lanie she went there but he wasn’t home. Then again, her best friend would totally see through the lie.

Kate’s been standing outside his door for the past twenty minutes without knocking. To be honest with herself she’s scared. She’s scared that even if he told her the things he did she will be rejected once she starts to admit her own feelings aloud. Once again she’s trying to build up courage because she’s just so sure that pretty soon someone is going to call the cops on her standing in front of his loft for so long. With one last deep breath she’s knocking three times on the door and then she’s holding her breath.

“Detective Beckett?” his teenage daughter is the one to open the door and Kate feels her heart race even more. “Are you looking for my dad?”

“Uh-yeah,” she stumbles a bit across her words. “Is-uh, is he here?”

The girl opens up the door further and moves out of the way. “Come on in, he’s in his office,” she says and Kate nods with as good of a smile as she can muster through her nerves.

Alexis gestures towards the office and closes the door behind her as soon as she’s moved out of the way. Kate feels the hesitation in her whole body as she takes one step after the other towards the writer’s office. One part of her just wants to turn around and flee, but she knows she’s far too deep inside now to turn around. Besides, the girl would most likely tell her father about her being here so it isn’t like she can just disappear and expect him to never find out.

As she approaches the office door she takes another deep breath before she’s knocking once again. She awaits the muffled ‘come in’ before she opens the door and slowly takes the few steps inside. Her partner’s sitting behind his desk with his back turned towards her, facing the digital murderboard he has there. Silently she’s closing the door and he gives off a heavy sigh.

“Mother, I’m not in the mood to…” he starts but himself off the second he turns around and locks eyes with her. “Beckett? What are you doing here?”

“I-” she starts but has to clear her throat in order to continue. “I-uh thought about what you said and I…”

“You don’t need me for the case, you didn’t have to come all the way here to tell me that,” he grunts and looks away from her, back to the murderboard. “I still don’t think it has to do with the stealing but you do whatever you feel is right.”

She feels her heart clench and she bites her lip, her eyes glancing towards the closed door behind her. She could… no. “No, Castle. I meant to say he’s not in the picture anymore. I broke up with Demming.” She only breathes out that last part, not daring to say it any louder.

It’s quiet and she looks up to see him look at her with a stunned face, which immediately has her looking away, crossing her arms and squirming under his gaze. For a second she feels like she’s naked, not physically but mentally, and she wants to hide but she also feels frozen.

“You… you broke up… why?” he eventually asks and she wrinkles her forehead before looking up at him.

“What do you mean why?” she questions back and he looks at her with big, confused eyes. “I…” she takes a deep breath. “I realized he isn’t the one I want, he’s a really nice guy but he isn’t the one I miss the days I’m alone at my desk.” It’s kind of a confession, kind of, and she hopes he’ll read between the lines. That he’ll know it’s him she misses those days he hasn’t come in yet because there’s no case, that he’s the one she wants.

Castle looks at her with observing eyes and she wonders if he’s understanding or she’s not clear enough. One part of her doesn’t want to reveal more and that’s all because of her walls, she doesn’t want to hurt the way she did when her mom died. He doesn’t look angry anymore, but still confused, as if he can’t quite figure her out and it kind of hurts because he’s the only one who gets her. He’s the only one who has been able to read her perfectly. It’s the first thing that was so damn annoying about him, it was the one thing she constantly wanted to shoot him for. And now it feels like he’s not able to read her at all. And it’s her own fault. She messed it up by being with another guy, even though she knew her feelings for him were there. In one way that was why she got together with Demming, because she knew that if she was to give in to her feelings about Castle he’d be it. And she wasn’t ready for something real. Still not sure she is but she’s not ready to lose him either.

Kate starts fiddling with her fingers as she slowly closes the distance between her and his desk, feeling a strong dislike to being so far away from him now that she’s actually trying to be brave and let him know of her feelings. Once she’s standing at his desk she lets her fingers slightly touch the rough surface of the desk and a part of her wonders if he’s been having a sword fight or something like that in that exact spot because there’s no way the desk came with those small chirps of wood being chopped off.

“Kate, what are you saying? Really?” he suddenly says and she meets his eyes with her own.

She takes another deep breath. “He never got inside my walls, but you did, long before I even met him. Which is probably why I accepted him asking me out, because I needed…”

When she becomes quiet, he fills in. “Because you needed one foot out the door.”

She nods, “Yeah.”

He narrows his eyes as he keeps eye contact with her while standing up and carefully rounding the desk to stand in front of her, only a foot in between them. “And what about now?”

She bites her lower lip and sees his eyes flicking to her lip before looking into her eyes again. “I don’t want one foot out the door anymore,” she whispers and sees the uplift in his eyes before she takes a small step forward and lifts onto her toes to kiss the corner of his mouth, just barely touching his lips in case it would all fall apart.

When she falls back to her heels his mouth is chasing hers and kisses her properly, which speeds up her heart and makes her lose her breath. As he pulls away she’s panting and to her relief so is he.

“Wow,” she hears herself breathing out and he chuckles as he nods.

“Yeah.”

She feels her lips pull up in a wide smile and sees his do the same. Before he can react or say anything else she’s wrapping her arms around him, her fingers clenching into his shirt at his back and she’s leaning her head onto his shoulder. She’s closing her eyes when his arms wrap around her, pulling her closer into his embrace and she can feel his nose in her hair, drawing in her scent into his systems.

His voice is the one to break the silence after a long moment of them just holding onto each other. “So, does this mean you wanna stay for dinner?”

She opens her eyes and pulls away slightly, just enough to look at him. “I don’t want to impose.”

His smile doesn’t falter and it makes her heart skip a beat. “You’re not. Plus, I’d really like it if you stayed.”

His smile is contagious and she feels her cheek burn as she’s smiling back. “Okay,” she whispers and sees his smile widen.

“Okay?” he repeats and she nods.

She carefully lifts herself up to kiss his lips again before she’s willing to pull back and let him go. “So, what’s for dinner then?” she asks as she starts to walk away from him only to feel his hand grabbing onto hers and spin her right back into him, claiming her lips with his.

His tongue is asking permission and she’s not even hesitating about parting her lips for him. The second she can taste him she can hear herself let go of a small moan, and his fingers sneak into her hair, sending tingles down her body. When his other hand finds its way to her hip, where her shirt has been riding up a bit, she’s gasping at the feeling of his touch against her skin. Her own hands find their way around his neck only to sneak into his hair too.

It feels weird, different than all the other kisses she’s had. One part of her wonders if it’s because she’s considering him one of her best friends, and another part wonders if it’s because she’s… because she has feelings for him. She feels the fingers at her hip teasing her skin, burning it, and she’s forgetting his daughter might be in the next room, forgetting she doesn’t know where his mother is. She’s pushing her body closer to his when she feels his fingers sneaking under her shirt at her back. His smile gets wider and pulls their lips apart, which has her smiling too.

“I can’t believe I’m kissing the Kate Beckett,” he says low and she’s biting her lower lip. “Did I say that out loud?” he asks and she chuckles.

“Yeah, you did,” she says and drags one hand out of his hair in order to rub his ear between her thumb and forefinger, feeling the shiver it sends down his body and makes a mental note of it. “But I’m guessing I can let it slide because I’m kissing the Richard Castle.”

He chuckles and bends down to kiss her lips again before he’s pulling away slightly. “I’m guessing we should start with dinner.”

His fingers start moving circles on her back, sending shivers down her spine. “We won’t go far if you keep your hand on my skin,” she whispers and she smirks.

“Oh, really?” his fingers tease at the hem of her pants and she gasps at the tingles sent into her skin.

“Yes, really,” she says and grabs his hand to pull it away from her lower back.

Once their hands are in between them she’s intertwining their fingers and giving one quick peck to his lips. “Come on Castle,” she tugs his hand as she’s backing towards the door she came from.

“Wait,” he stops her and she raises an eyebrow. “Is this really happening? I mean, are you really here? Or did I fall asleep while writing again and having another dream?”

“Yes, this is really… another?” she asks and his eyes widen.

“We-yeah.”

She tries not to smile but the adorable ‘caught in the act’-expression on his face is too hard to resist.

“Is it really that hard to believe?” he adds and she chuckles.

“No, I guess not,” she says and tugs his hand again, this time to get him closer to her again. “You ready to make dinner now?”

“Not yet,” he says and before she can question why he’s kissing her lips again and she’s laughing into his mouth. “Almost there,” he whispers as he’s still moving his mouth against hers and it makes her laugh even more. “Now I’m good, for now.”

She shakes her head, he’s so silly. And she feels silly too. How did she go from badass Beckett to soft Kate in less than an hour? They’re walking out to the kitchen and to Kate’s surprise neither redhead is to be found in the living area. As soon as the dinner is finished they both show up though. To Kate’s relief there’s no judging looks or anything like that, it actually feels pretty comfortable and family-like. The kind of dinner she hasn’t had for a long time. It’s nice.

“Thank you for dinner, I especially liked the sauce, Kate. How did you make it?” Alexis asks and Kate feels her cheeks turning a bit warm.

“Oh, it’s a recipe my mom used every time my dad made steak.”

“It truly is lovely darling,” Martha pitches in. “You should come over and make it more often.”

The look in the woman’s eyes when she says it is making perfectly clear what she means.

“Mother,” Castle says with a warning tone and the woman just waves it off.

“Can’t blame a woman for trying,” she says and takes a sip of her wine.

Kate’s glad she didn’t sip her wine, because if she had she would’ve spit it out again at the confidence in her partner’s mother’s voice. It was both refreshing and hilarious to have a mother figure that sure of herself in her presence again.

“Well, if it’s okay with you guys I’ve got some homework to do and then I gotta go to bed, have an early class tomorrow. Kate,” Alexis turns her attention to the detective, who suddenly feels a bit nervous. “It really is nice having you here.”

Kate feels her cheeks blossom again. “Well, thank you for having me.”

The girl smiles as she rises from the table and goes to put the dish in the dishwasher machine before she says goodnight and disappears up the stairs. It doesn’t take long before the second redhead bids her goodnight as well and leaves the two of them to be alone in the living area.

“So detective, you care to play a game, perhaps scrabble?” Castle asks as innocently as he can, his hand reaching hers only to rub his fingers over the back of it, and Kate laughs while she shakes her head.

“You know, we still have an open case,” she reminds him and he looks as if he tries to hide the fact that he actually did forget that.

“I know that, I just figured we could use a break,” he states and she shakes her head with a smile on her lips.

The two of them stand from the table and start to take away everything that’s left of the dinner as they continue to talk.

“Thanks Castle, but I need to get back at it. I’ve already had my break,” she adds the last sentence a bit quieter and gives him a look that says she spent it on making everything right between them.

He looks a bit slumped and she feels disappointment herself, if only they didn’t have an active case. Then there’s something shining in his eyes and the look he gives her is so pure and filled with hope it makes her heart ache.

“But you still need to sleep, you can sleep here,” he says and when she narrows her eyes he’s holding his hands up in the air. “Sleep, I really mean sleep, nothing more.”

She can’t help but actually consider it. It would be nice to give in, to finally feel the arms around her that she has, secretly and unwillingly, dreamt about. But on the other hand, she did just break up with Demming, plus she doesn’t have any clothes here or anything.

“I need to get home, but,” she adds quickly when she sees his disappointment. “How about, when the case is over, you get to come over to my place and we can have a sleepover of our own, just you and me.”

His face lights up before he pretends to consider the offer. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

She smiles and walks up to him, her right hand automatically reaches out to touch the shirt over his chest. “Then it’s a deal,” she says and smooths out the fabric, not really sure why she does it though. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Always, you’re more than welcome to eat dinner with us again,” Castle says. “You heard Alexis and mother, they want you here just as much as I do.” The smirk on his lips is contagious and her lips end up in a pout as she tries not to mirror it.

“I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow?” It’s more of a question than anything, still an uncertainty inside her from what happened earlier today.

He leans down and claims her lips with his in a very familiar yet electric kiss. Once he pulls away again he nods.

“See you tomorrow.”

After another searing kiss Castle follows her to the door and lets her go after yet another kiss with the promise of a tomorrow. And deep inside they both know it’s a promise of a tomorrow after that, and a tomorrow after that, and so on. Because even though they might stumble across more bumps down the road, they know they’re both too stubborn to give up.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Overkill

[lololova]

Less is more - No sleep

A/N: This is highly inspired by a tweet by @/wrongcaskett and I thank you for that! Hope you guys enjoy this and so sorry for not being more active lately, I haven’t really been writing much at all but hopefully inspiration will strike soon enough like it did with this small shot. Until next time, xxx

-------------------------------

As he reaches across the bed he wakes up at the empty space beside him. He could’ve sworn his partner had been by his side when he fell asleep last night.

“Kate?” he says with a raspy voice as he sleepily starts to fumble around for the woman he was happy to call his girlfriend.

When he really can’t find her he sits up and starts looking around the bedroom only to find it being empty. With a quick stretch he’s getting out of the bed and starting his search. It’s when he comes into the kitchen area that he finds her, sitting at the table with a bunch of files in front of her.

Castle yawns before he’s able to say anything. “You're up early, Kate.”

She looks up at him surprised and he stops in his tracks. He narrows his eyes at her, observing as she looks between him and the window before her beautiful hazel eyes land on the files in front of her.

“You never went to sleep, did you?” he asks and she looks up at him, an untrained eye would say she was innocent but he, who knows her better than anyone, can see the guilt in her hazels. “Kate,” he sighs and she shakes her head.

“I’m stuck, you know I hate to be stuck,” she argues as she starts looking through some papers again.

He walks up to her and leans down to kiss her forehead. While he does he feels the way she’s leaning on to him and figures she’s a lot more tired than she’s letting on.

“You want a coffee?”

“Mm, yes please,” she hums and leans her head back and he immediately reads into the look in her eyes and pecks her lips.

He goes to make the coffee and once he comes back with two cups he joins her on the couch. “I’ll give us the time of drinking the coffee then I’m taking you back to bed whether you like it or not,” he warns her and she yawns. “See, you need sleep.”

“No, I don’t,” she argues but when she meets his eyes he can see her give in. “Fine.”

Castle smiles proudly and takes a sip of his coffee. “So, what do we have?”

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett

[lololova]

Less is more - One writer girl

This little shot was inspired by the rt of the “one writer girl” moment on twitter which both @/brucexnat and @/stanamazing was part of. Without knowing it they inspired me to write this, so, thank you guys!! And hope you all enjoy it!

---------------------------------------------

They look at each other, staring into each other’s eyes and Castle swears he feels his whole body tingling with something deeper than just the relief of her not letting other writers follow her anymore. The way he drowns in her hazel eyes just makes him realize even more how much of a goner he really is.

“Thank you,” he almost whispers and the smile entering her lips is contagious.

“Always,” she promises and he feels a deep desire to kiss her.

She wouldn’t say it like that if she didn’t feel… something, right? She wouldn’t be looking at him like this, right?

“Can I-” he starts but cuts himself off.

He doesn’t want to ruin this perfect moment, but he fears he just did. She’s looking at him with a raised eyebrow and curiosity in her eyes.

“Can you what?” she asks and he looks away from her hypnotic eyes. If he keeps looking into them he’s not sure what he’ll do. When he doesn’t answer quickly enough he feels her hand nudging his, probably to get his attention. “Can you what, Castle?” he looks up at her, the voice of hers so encouraging that he somewhat wonders if she can read his mind and is just waiting for him to voice his thoughts.

He takes a deep, shattering, breath before opening his mouth again, his eyes once again stuck in hers.

“Can I kiss you?”

For some reason Beckett doesn’t feel shock at all when she hears his words. And to her surprise she’s not moving away from him either. In fact, she’s leaning her body closer. She’s drowning in his blue eyes and she’s forgotten they’re in the middle of the bullpen. None of that matters because her favorite author, her shadow-turned partner and her close friend just asked to kiss her. And god she wants him to.

The nod is subtle, but the way his eyes shine brighter she knows he’s seen it. It doesn’t take long before he’s leaning his head to put his lips carefully on hers, it’s really just a small peck, and he creates a little space between their lips again. It’s almost as if he expects her to push him away. But she’s not ready to do that just yet. She nudges his lips with hers, it’s just a small bump, an encouragement, and it’s like it triggers something in him because now he’s kissing her with more confidence. She feels his hands going to her hips, stroking her sides towards her back where they land to pull her closer to him. And she’s more than willing to follow.

She can feel his lips part before she feels his tongue tentatively asking for permission and when she opens up and his tongue meets hers she can finally taste him. His taste is dizzying and, oh, so good. She’s never felt this tingling and exciting shiver from any other taste, and as it is kind of frightening it’s also so thrilling that she doesn’t want anything else.

Castle can’t believe he’s kissing his partner, can’t believe she gave him permission, can’t believe she practically called his claim of her “sweet”. And her taste! He could drink her smile for ages! He doesn’t want to stop, and he prays this isn’t a one time thing but that he can keep on kissing her from now on. His hands pull her slightly closer and he more feels than heads the moan coming from her lips when she’s flush against him. It’s at that moment a whistle goes through the air.

Beckett pulls away the second she hears the whistle, her mind immediately pulled back to where they are and what they are doing. Castle immediately lets go of her and a big part of her already misses his big hands burning on her back.

“Shit,” she breathes as she starts to look around to locate who whistled.

When she can’t see anyone she slightly wonders if her mind had been playing tricks on her.

“I-sorry.”

Beckett looks at her partner and sees his cheeks blossom as one of his hands buries itself in his hair. He looks flustered and scared and kinda adorable. She bites her lower lip, looks at her desk and makes a decision she would’ve never believed had someone told her about it the first day they met.

She shuts off her computer and grabs her belongings before turning back to her shadow, who’s looking down as if he thinks she’ll blow him off, and she tentatively goes to grab his hand, which earns her a look of surprise.

She bites her lip again while taking a deep breath before looking up at him, drowning in his blues. “Can I offer you a drink at my place?”

His eyes go wide before his lips break up in a big grin. “Lead the way.”

---------------------------------------

Later that night, after a few amazing rounds of rolling around in bed and pleasing each other in a way none of them thought possible, Beckett receives a text. She’s just barely awake enough to look at it but once she does, she just manages to stop herself from bursting out in laughter. She doesn’t care to answer it right now, instead she snuggles closer to him, putting her head back on his chest. Feeling his arm around her, pulling her closer in his sleep. The deep breaths of his lulling her to sleep too.

“I expect every detail tomorrow with drinks.”

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Castle fic #Caskett fic

[lololova]

Less is more - Shoes

Kate’s nervous. She looks into her purse to make sure she has what she needs for what she’s planning. His eyes are glancing between her and the road and so she’s raising her head to look at him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks and she lifts her shoulders.

“Nothing much,” she answers as her belly fills with butterflies, secretly hoping he doesn’t know what she knows.

They’re only minutes away from the cabin where they’ll be spending their weekend and that means she’s only minutes away from revealing what she’s known with certainty for two days. It hadn’t really been a surprise considering how she’d felt… different the last couple weeks. She is a bit worried he’s been noticing, but at the same time she isn’t showing yet so how would he? Well, she had been craving a lot more ice cream than normal but… that wouldn’t make him know, right?

“Are you sure? Are you okay?” he asks and pulls her out of her thoughts.

“Yes, I’m good,” she says. More than good. “It’s nice to have a weekend off.”

He smiles and she does too. They haven’t had a weekend off in what felt like ages and it’s so perfect that it comes right now. Absolute perfect timing considering the surprise she has for him. His hand lands on her thigh and she twines her fingers with his, squeezing it in a hug. He picks her hand up and kisses it tenderly with his eyes focused on the road and she sucks in her lower lip into her mouth, gnawing on it. She so badly wants to say something now, but it’s only a few more minutes because they’re finally pulling into the parking area to the cabin. She’s anxious to get out of the car as soon as it parks and when he’s about to grab their bags from the trunk she stops him by standing in the way of the trunk.

“What are you…?” he asks but she just smirks and grabs his hand to pull him with her towards the backside of the cabin.

“Come on,” she says and he just follows.

When they’re in the middle of the backyard she’s biting her lip as she’s coming to a stop.

“Kate?” he asks and she looks at him, her fingers starting to shake with nerves.

She takes in a deep breath before she lets go of his hands to turn her back towards him as she reaches into her handbag and carefully picks up the items she brought.

“Rick,” she starts as she’s still hiding the tiny shoes from his eyes. “I’ve got something to tell you.” She turns around but still holds the shoes behind her, out of sight, and she sees him gulp.

“Did I do something?” he questions and she shakes her head, her eyes tearing up a bit.

“No, but we did,” she says and when he’s about to ask what she means she’s pulling out the tiny shoes for his eyes to see.

It takes him a few seconds. And she has to bite her tongue in order not to spell it out for him. It’s visible in his eyes the second he realizes what the shoes symbolize.

“You’re pregnant!” he yells out in a gasp and she nods, screaming out in a laughing yelp when his arms are suddenly around her waist and lifting her up to spin her around in the grass.

“Castle!” she gasps and he lets go slowly in order to let her glide down his body, her feet soon touching the ground.

“You’re pregnant,” he whispers again and she bites her lip, nodding.

“I am,” she whispers and the big smile on his face makes her bounce on and off her heels in excitement.

“You’re going to be a mom,” he says and she feels her body stiffen a bit at the statement. “You’re going to be a great mom.”

She feels her cheeks blossom with warmth. “You really think so?” she asks with uncertainty.

He grins. “I know so.”

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Castle one shot #Castle fic #Caskett one shot #Caskett fic

[lololova]

Less is more - Her.

Kate can’t believe he did that. She’s still amazed by how easily he’d agreed to the bet from the boys and not twitched an inch when he lost. She’s grateful the boys didn’t get to choose what kind of tattoo he had to carve into his body. They’d only said it had to have something to do with her, and so he picked “her.”. It’s kind of cheesy, and it doesn’t say her name or anything like it, but she knows he’s thinking of her every time he looks down on it while writing, playing video games or anything else where he can see his arms.

She bites her lip as she lets her fingers follow the lines of the letters once again, the skin still a bit sore from the needle yesterday.

“You like it?” he asks and she smiles small as she lets her fingers intertwine with his again.

“Maybe it’s starting to grow on me,” she admits and he chuckles.

“So, you don’t hate it?” he teases and she rolls her eyes.

She’d been against him taking the bet. But just because she didn’t want her name in ink on his body. It had just felt like a bad omen to play with fate like that. Not that she had any doubt about their relationship but what if the tattooing of her name onto his skin would’ve been something that started the end of it. She didn’t want that. But instead, he’d chosen something as simple as “her.” and it was actually kind of amazing.

“No, I don’t hate it,” she says and his lips turn up in a big smile.

“Really?”

She mirrors his big smile. “Really.” She then bites her lower lip and thinks carefully of her next words. “Maybe I’ll even be interested in getting a matching one.”

His eyes widen and she giggles at his shock before she’s leaning down and kissing his lips, getting the immediate reaction of his lips kissing her back with the same fever she’s kissing him. It doesn’t take long before they’re fumbling around in bed again and she can’t help but look forward to the ink getting onto her skin. Him.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Castle fic #Caskett fic

[lololova]

Less is more - Canvas

Kate feels ridiculous, but her husband had looked so adorable when he asked her to please just go with it, and so she had. He’d complimented her nails the second she’d held their daughter’s feet in her hands, had said the contrast was perfect. She’d just rolled her eyes.

“Castle, how much longer?” she asks and he smiles at her with his camera in his hands.

“Only a few more shots, do you think you can relax your hand without her feet slipping out?” he asks and she does. “Perfect.”

He snaps another shot and when he announces he’s done their daughter starts whimpering.

“Food time, huh?” Kate asks their daughter as she picks her up and goes to sit in the chair they try not to put all their clothes on since she was born and Kate needed some place to sit during the feeding.

Kate lays her daughter against one arm as she frees her breast in order to let the small girl feed on it. She flinches a bit when it hurts but does her best not to let her baby girl feel any change at all.

“Still hurt?” Castle asks and she nods, looking up at him.

“But considering the gunshot wounds I have gotten through the years, I can stand it,” she says, a bit more to herself than to him. “Plus,” she adds with a smirk, “you can always kiss it better later.”

He chuckles. “That I can definitely do,” he smirks and she bites her lip.

“Can you make some hot cocoa for me?” she asks and he nods, walks up to her and leans down to kiss her lips.

“Absolutely, love.”

She smiles and puts her free hand on his cheek to pull him down for one more kiss. “Thanks, babe.”

He leaves her alone to let their daughter feed with no distractions around. He also knows how much she enjoys their time alone. As he’s waiting for the cocoa to get hot enough he’s looking through the pictures he’s taken, and is stuck on that last one. It looks so perfect. He immediately knows it’s the one he’s going to choose for the canvas he’s planning on ordering for their nursery room.

“So, did you get any pictures you like?” Kate says as she walks into the kitchen with Lily in her arms.

“Definitely,” he says as he brings up the camera to snap another picture, making his wife blush in the process. Which, of course, results in him taking more pictures until she holds out her hand in front of herself.

“Stop,” she says and before she can get angry with him he’s putting away the camera and taking out her hot cocoa to put some marshmallows in it along with some whipped cream on top of it.

He hands it to her and when she accepts it he’s holding out his arms to take their girl into his arms.

“Thanks,” Kate says as she sips the hot cocoa, getting some whipped cream on her nose.

He chuckles at how adorable it looks and leans closer to kiss it off. It makes her giggle and she steps onto her toes in order to kiss his lips which make him taste her cocoa through her lips.

Lily starts whimpering and Castle returns to bounces as Kate enjoys her cocoa.

Kate snuggles her daughter on the couch, tracing the baby’s small features, as she can’t stop thinking about how her husband had insisted on her staying out of the nursery while he took care of something he wouldn’t tell her about. She tries not to think about it, but it’s impossible. At first he told her to stay in their room while he went and got a surprise that he didn’t want her to see when he got home, and then once he was home again he’d said she was able to go everywhere except for the nursery. And then he just disappeared. That was twenty minutes ago.

“Should we go and see what your dad is up to?” Kate whispers to her daughter, who just makes some incoherent noises the way babies do. “Huh?” She's just about to stand up when she hears feet coming down the stairs.

“Okay, you can come up now,” Castle says and she looks at him before she stands up quickly and walks up to him.

“So, what did you do?” she asks and he just smirks, reaches out his hand for her to take. She gently puts all of Lily’s weight onto one arm in order to grab his waiting hand.

He leads her up the stairs and without stopping for that dramatical flare he usually brings he just leads her into the nursery. She sees it the second she starts looking around. The big canvas he’s put up on one of the walls, it’s the…

“Is that one of the pictures you took last week?” she asks with wonder as she stares at the big photo of a relaxed hand holding a pair of baby feet.

“Yes, perfect, isn’t it?” he says with excitement and as she walks closer to look at it better she feels him take Lily from her. She’s grateful he does because the way she feels her whole body wanting to swoon over how perfect it all looked. He’s set the canvas right above the crib and as she’s looking closer at the quality of the canvas there’s a sudden click before a beautiful yellow light surrounds the picture and she realizes this must have been what took him so long.

“Wow.”

She feels one of his hands land on her back and she turns her head to look at him. He’s smiling big as he looks between her and the canvas.

“Was this your idea the whole time?” she asks as she walks into his side, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Maybe,” he says and she bites her lip.

“It’s perfect,” she agrees. “And I agree the black nail polish did create quite the contrast.”

“Told you,” he says and she feels his lips in her hair. When Lily makes those small rumbling noises again the two parents chuckle. “She says she likes it too.”

His comment makes her laugh low. “Does she now?” She shakes her head as she hugs his side, stands on top of her toes to kiss his cheek. This nursery gets prettier for each day they spend time in here, the two of them finding more things to add to it every day, along with the stuff their friends and family bring every time they visit. Castle has even spoken about making a treehouse in there once Lily is bigger, something he’s seen on pinterest and Kate isn’t admitting it but she can’t wait to see what crazy ideas he’ll go through with once the time comes.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Castle fic #Caskett fic #Castle one shot #Caskett baby #Lily Beckett Castle #Lily Castle #Lily Beckett

[lololova]

Less is more - Straddling comfort

A/N: This shot is thanks to @/KateMB on twitter who reminded me of the scenes we didn't get but so badly want. Hope you all enjoy it! Until next time, xxxx

--------------------------------

Rick isn’t sure how they ended up like this, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. One second they had enjoyed the movie they were watching, the next she’s climbing onto his lap with her head buried into the crook of his neck with her arms around him. He’s wrapping his own arms around her, just holding her close as he lets her draw comfort from his embrace. When she’s been straddling him like that for twenty minutes he’s starting to get worried, she’s never this clingy.

“Hey,” he whispers as he’s kissing the side of her head. “Not that I don’t enjoy having you in my lap but, is something wrong?” He keeps his voice gentle, hoping she doesn’t find the question harsh or thinking she needs to get off him.

“Just missed you,” she mumbles into his neck and he feels his brow furrow.

“I’m right here,” he says, his fingers splaying on her back to be able to squeeze her closer.

“I know,” she mumbles back and sighs before pulling away slightly, just enough to be able to look at him.

He hums when her fingers travel into his hair, massaging his scalp and fiddling with his hair. It feels nice, and he knows that she knows just how much he loves her fingers in his hair.

“Then what do you mean?” he asks and she kisses his nose.

“It’s been so much at work lately I feel like we haven’t had time for ourselves,” she explains and he nods.

“Ah, yeah, it’s been a lot.” He stretches his neck in order to peck a kiss to her lips. “Lily’s sleeping schedule hasn't been the best either.”

She continues to touch his hair and he sees a small sadness in her eyes. “No,” she whispers with sorrow in her voice and he lets go of her with one of his hands in order to put a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Hey, she’s okay,” he says low to her. “She’s sleeping right now.”

“Yeah,” Kate looks down and he puts a finger under her jaw to lift her eyes to his.

“It’s not your fault, Kate,” he says as he can read the guilt in her eyes.

“If I hadn’t worked so late…”

“No, shhh, Kate, it’s not your fault,” he immediately hushes her. “It’s your first week back at work and it’s a lot to get used to that you won’t be there for every little wave of her pinky finger.”

“I know,” she mumbles and he searches her eyes again.

“It’s nothing bad, Kate,” he tells her and she nods.

“I know,” she repeats herself again before taking a breath. “Doesn’t ease the pain of being away from her though.”

Rick feels his heart clench when he sees the hurt inside her. He kisses her forehead and pulls her into another hug only to kiss her on her hair as well.

“You know,” he says. “If you feel it’s too soon to go back to work, we are wealthy enough to make it for another year or two.” He doesn’t want to suggest it, is pretty sure she doesn’t want to wait either, but he also feels like he needs to give her the option, just in case she actually needs it.

She shakes her head against him. “No, it’s time,” she mumbles. “Besides, she has you.”

He smiles and nods. “Yeah, and she has you too whenever she really needs you.”

She huffs. “Yeah. It’s not just her I missed at the precinct, you know.”

He decides to try and brighten her mood a bit. “Awe, you missed me.”

She chuckles and he smiles to himself, feeling warmth as he feels her relaxing again. “Don’t gloat, it’s not attractive,” she teases and he chuckles too. She pulls away again to look at him and strokes his hair back. “I love you, Rick.”

He smiles big at her. “I love you too, Kate,” he says and she bites her lower lip.

Before anything can interrupt them, or Lily can cry out for her mother again, they steal a moment to claim each other’s lips. They don’t have long, and both of them know it, but this closeness is just what they need. No matter how much, or little, time they got they need this. They need to just feel each other’s love, to finally be comforted in each other’s arms. And it’s just the perfect type of comfort.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Caskett fic #Castle fic

[lololova]

Beyond the words - 47 reasons

Prompt: “Fic prompt I’m throwing out there: 47 Seconds arc - Beckett receives the DC job offer during the time Castle starts shutting her out.” Tweeted by @/bunysliper

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it! Until next time, xxxx

----------------------------------------------------------

Kate Beckett looks down at her phone, still not sure if she should call or not. How is she supposed to make a decision like this? She thinks back to the conversation with the agent from F.B.I. who’d said she’d be a great addition to the bureau if she decided to make an appointment for a job interview. She thinks back to how badly she’d wanted to tell her partner but he’d been nowhere to be seen. She thinks back to the case and how he’d all of a sudden literally been nowhere to be found every time she wanted to discuss a new lead with him. She can’t stop thinking about the glances of - what? Hate? Disgust? - that he’s kept throwing at her the past week. And she can’t think of a reason why.

“It’s like he’s pulling away,” she’d told dr. Burke no more than a couple hours ago.

“What are you most afraid of Kate? That he won’t wait for you, or that he will?” he’d asked back and she’d held back a groan.

The therapist was of no use when it came to the talking about her partner. He never gave her a straight answer when she asked something. And today has been no different.

“Argh,” she groans as she once again puts away her phone. She wants to smash something, anything. But she also knows it won’t actually help.

One part of her just wants to make the call, do the interview, get the job, move and never look back ever again. But another part of her can’t even fathom the thought of leaving her partner to never see him again. Not when they were so close! Which brings her back to the constant thought screaming in her mind for the past week. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THEM?! Why has he pulled away? Why doesn’t he text her anymore? Why doesn’t he answer when she calls? Why is it killing her? You know why it kills you. She shrugs the voice away, tries to ignore it and pretends she didn’t hear it. But you did.

Kate feels the tears prickle her eyes as she picks up her phone once again. But instead of calling the DC-number she touches the screen until she has the photo of him covering the entire screen. It’s a photo she took not that long ago. She’d actually taken it without his knowledge, even though he’s staring at her she’d managed to take it without him figuring it was a photo she’d taken with her phone, and he just looked so relaxed and so in love with her that it made her sick to the stomach. He hasn’t been looking at her like that since their bomb case. What did she do?

Before she can do anything about it her cheeks are wet from the tears and she can’t stop the crying no matter how much she tries. Can’t stop feeling the pain of her heart aching inside her chest. It’s worse than she thought at first because suddenly it’s also hard to breathe. She tries taking deep, calming breaths, but she has a feeling it won’t help fully. What she needs is confirmation from her partner, any type of confirmation. She needs to know if he still loves her or if she’s screwed it up completely. Without thinking she’s calling his number, phone to ear as she hopes he’ll answer for once.

“Hi, you’ve reached Richard Castle. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now but please, leave a message after the beep.” Beep.

Kate doesn’t know what to say, and so she just hangs up. Instead she goes to messages, and starts to type one out. Before she knows it she’s clicked “sent” and can see the message turn delivered before freezing. She actually sent it.

-Please give me a reason to stay in NY.-

To her surprise he answers within seconds.

-What do you mean?-

She takes a deep breath before typing out a reply. -They want me to do a job interview in DC. And right now I can’t see a reason to stay.-

She waits patiently, hoping he will answer soon.

-What makes you think I have a reason? You’ll do whatever you want anyway.-

Ouch. She sighs, thinking about all the conversations she’s had with dr. Burke about her partner. -You’re the only reason I want to stay.- She writes it and sends it before she can regret anything.

When he still hasn’t answered after ten minutes she feels disappointment in the pit of her belly. She lets her phone fall out of her hands before she sets her steps towards her bathroom. Once in there she starts to strip her clothes off. If she showers it won’t be as obvious that she’s crying. He doesn’t want her anymore and he can’t even find the words to say it.

“What are you most afraid of Kate? That he won’t wait for you, or that he will?”

That he won’t, she decides. Everything had been going so great and she knows it’s her fault it’s all falling apart but she can’t for the life of her figure out what she did. It’s killing her not knowing, but she has a feeling that even if she’d get the courage to ask him she wouldn’t get an answer. She’d just get an “We’re fine”.

Kate’s so focused on her thoughts, on trying to calm down her crying and take deep breaths, that she doesn’t hear her phone ring. She doesn’t hear the knocking later on either. It’s not until she’s walking out of the bathroom in only a towel wrapped around her body that she’s realizing she’s not alone. When she sets her foot inside the living room she lets go of a yelp when she sees her partner stand by her front door.

“I-sorry! S-sparekey,” he says as he clenches his eyes shut. “You didn’t answer,” he adds and she holds the towel a little bit tighter around her.

“What are you doing here, Castle?” she questions with a hoarse voice. She hopes he doesn’t figure out it’s because of her crying.

She observes him as he puts his hands over his eyes as if he’s making sure he won’t accidentally look at her.

“You can’t leave New York,” he says and she feels her pulse quicken.

Is he going to say what she’s hoped for during the last week?

“Why not?”

“You’re needed here, your dad is here, Ryan and Espo are here. How are they going to keep their jobs if you’re not there to help them keep the closing rate up? You already have forty-seven reasons to stay so why did you send that text to me? I don’t mean anything to you so why send those texts to me?”

She takes a step back, what makes him think she doesn’t care for him? Again, what did she do?!

“What are you talking about?” she asks, her voice raspy and she can hear the desperation herself.

He sighs and she can tell he’s about as irritated with her as she is with him. Maybe even more. “Call your dad and ask him what to do, you listen more to him than me anyway.” He starts to turn around and she sees his hands go down to reach for her apartment door again.

Oh no. She’s not going to let him get away that easily. Not when he’s the one to come to her apartment. She takes quick steps to put herself in front of him, and therefore in front of the door, blocking his way out. And she’s suddenly well aware of their height difference.

“What are you doing?” he asks and she sees his widened eyes flinch down to her chest before they focus on her eyes.

“What did I do?” she asks, emotion raw in her voice without her intention.

She’s standing here, right in front of him, literally open and naked. Completely vulnerable. With only a towel separating his eyes from seeing her body, her scar.

“Nothing, let…”

“No.” She stops him by putting one hand on his chest. “Don’t lie to me. Castle, I’m… sick and tired of this behavior! Rick, just tell me what I did to make you hate me so much!” she can’t stop the anger and frustration and pain from starting to spill from her eyes as she starts sobbing again. And here she thought she didn’t have any more tears.

She hides her face behind her hands, grateful she’d fastened the towel before she went out to the living room. Her knees start to give out and so she simply lets them, slowly moving down to a seated position on the floor. She’s not sure what she’s supposed to do, if she’s supposed to do anything else.

“Beckett?” she hears his hoarse voice ask before he clears his throat. “Kate, what… what’s going on?”

She shakes her head, she can’t form words anymore. She’s just focusing on her breathing and her attempts to stop the breakdown she’s feeling. Why is this happening right in front of him?

“Hey,” she feels his hands land on her shoulders, his thumbs electrifying against her naked skin. “Deep breaths, Kate, deep breaths,” he says in a slow soothing voice which she finally recognizes as his. The real him.

And so she does what he says, she starts taking deeper breaths to calm herself down. He keeps mumbling the mantra as she feels her body start to relax and find strength again. When she’s breathing normally again she feels his hands let go of her as he’s slumping down on the floor in front of her. She carefully looks through her lashes to glance at him.

“You okay?” he asks when his blue eyes meet hers.

She bites her lower lip before she shakes her head slightly. “No,” she tells him honestly. “One part of me wants to take that job interview to get away from you.”

He gulps. “And the other part?” he asks carefully.

She takes in a shaky breath. “One part of me… just wants… you.” She just whispers the last word, too scared to say it too loud. She’s still scared he’ll leave her and never talk to her again.

“I don’t think I can do this partnership anymore, if you only want me as a partner in crime I… I don’t think I can do it,” he tells her and she feels her insides clench.

“What do you mean? I don’t only want you at the precinct,” she whispers as she looks up at him.

He’s avoiding her eyes, concentrating on the fiddling of a piece of the rug that’s been crippled for months now.

“I heard you,” he confesses and she wrinkles her forehead. “In interrogation you told a suspect you remember everything from your shooting. You heard me telling you that I…” he sighs, “that I love you. And I assumed the reason you haven’t told me is because you don’t feel the same way. I can’t…”

Kate shakes her head violently. “No, that’s not… I was not ready to… hear it or deal with my feelings for you just yet.”

He looks up at her and she looks down as her hand runs through her hair, only to stay at her forehead, leaning against it.

“Your feelings?” he asks and she nods.

“I like you Castle,” she confesses. “I really like you. And the thought of losing you…” she has to stop to try and get the lump down her throat as she sniffs. “Just tell me now if it’s too late for us, because I can’t… I can’t…”

She feels her eyes tearing up again and isn’t able to stop them from going down her cheeks. She knows she won’t be able to talk without breaking down again.

“I still love you, I’ve tried not to but I do,” Castle confesses and Kate feels her heart skip a beat before her insides start to melt with relief.

Without missing another beat she crawls over to him and throws her arms around his neck in a hug. She’s surprised to find herself falling as he’s losing his balance, ending with Kate laying on top of him with his arms around the middle of her body.

“Sorry,” she mutters but doesn’t move away. In fact, she snuggles even closer with her head into his neck.

She hears him gulp as his hands don’t seem to know where to stay on her back. That’s when she realizes she’s still in her towel. Only her towel. She starts to roll off of him, carefully placing her hands to keep the towel from falling off. As soon as she’s off she’s sitting up, eyes on him as he, too, sits up.

“Sorry, I should probably go… get dressed,” she says with a blush exploding on her cheeks. “Will you stay?”

He nods without a word and she has a feeling it’s because he’s surprised about everything. She moves to stand and goes to her bedroom, quickly putting on some clothes, including some black yoga pants and a gray N.Y.P.D. shirt. She picks up the speed as her mind starts to wonder if he’ll actually stay or if he might’ve changed his mind and gone again without saying anything. What if he decides it was a bad idea coming here? The second her shirt is on she’s leaving her towel on the ground to go and find out if her partner is still here. When she returns to the living area she does find him in her kitchen, brewing coffee for the two of them. He looks up at her almost immediately, as if he can feel her coming into the room, or he just heard her.

“You stayed,” she breathes out in relief and he nods.

“I made coffee,” he says as he pours the black beverage into two cups. “Figured we could use some if we’re going to talk.”

“Yeah,” she says in a breath as she nods. “Good thinking.”

As she comes closer he holds out one of the cups for her to take and she accepts it with a smile and a thanks. Once he has his own cup in his hand she’s gesturing towards the couch and they both go there to sit down.

“So,” he says as she takes a sip of her coffee, “you’ve gotten a job offer in D.C.?”

She feels a blush come on. “It’s only an interview, but yeah,” she says.

“And you’re planning on…?” he asks and she looks at him with fear in her eyes.

“No,” she quickly says. “I want… I want to be with you, I want you. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want our partnership to fall apart.”

“I don’t want it to, either,” he says and she smiles. “But,” he says and her smile falters a bit, “does this mean you’re willing to give us a chance?”

She bites her lip as she looks down in her coffee for a second before he looks up again to meet his eyes. “Yes.”

“Good,” he mumbles as he takes another sip from his coffee but keeps his eyes set on hers.

She licks her lower lip and sees his eyes spark in that way they usually do when she flirts with him, or he observes her and she does those little extra teasing acts she does sometimes. Now that she knows he still loves her, she can’t help but feel the want to tease him even more. She pulls up her knees on the couch, setting her arms around them with her cup on top in order to take sips a bit now and then.

“So, do you want to stay for the night?” she asks, stretching her foot towards him to nudge his thigh with her toes.

His eyes widen a bit before they narrow with his lips turning into a smirk. His free hand, the one that doesn’t still hold his cup to his lips, sneaks down and lets his fingers run up and down her foot, making her shiver.

“If you allow me to, I will,” he promises in that deep voice he’s used so many times without even knowing the effect it has on her. He will soon.

She nods, taking the last sip of her coffee before setting the cup on her coffee table. His soon joins hers and she locks eyes with him as soon as his fingers climb from her foot to her knee along with his body growing closer to her. She sits up and meets his lips halfway, the kiss a lot more passionate than either of them had intended. Probably because of all the tension between them that went unanswered for so long. Too long. His hand on her leg doesn’t stop at her knee but keeps stroking its way up to the hem of her shirt where it continues to slide under to end up at her hip, his hand slightly touching her naked skin at the hem of her yoga pants. She gasps at the feel of his thumb stroking her skin and his mouth immediately takes advantage of her parting lips by letting his tongue find hers. As his taste fills her senses she finds herself moaning and one of her hands lands on his cheek, her fingertips moving into his hair as she holds him close. She deepens the kiss which makes him groan with her and she smiles at that, their lips pulling apart.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” she whispers against his lips, her fingers caressing his scalp.

He pulls slightly back in order to look at her and he smiles. She giggles when he kisses her nose carefully. “Always,” he says their promise to her and she feels such relief to hear it once again.

She runs her teeth on her lower lip again as she lets go of his cheek to reach for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “I’m staying,” she says and sees his eyes fill with relief of its own. “I can’t say it just yet but I really want you. Just you.”

“I understand,” he assures her and she nods.

“Good,” she mumbles before she stands up and pulls him with her. “What do you say we go to bed?”

He smirks, but it’s so much more than just a smirk. “Lead the way.”

And so she does. And she doesn’t regret sending that text, desperately needing a reason to stay. She didn’t need the 47 other reasons he suggested she had, she only needed one. Him. And looks like she got it.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Castle fic #Caskett fic

[lololova]

Visiting Hours

A/N: Please listen to Ed Sheeran’s new song “Visiting hours” during/after reading this ficlet, it was inspired by it and it’s so beautiful. Also, this is a Guitar Girl universe ficlet. Hope you enjoy it! Until next time, xxxx

----------------------------------------------

Richard Castle wakes with a startle and looks around to find her. Only he doesn’t. He sits up in bed only to find she’s not in her chair either, her guitar is gone too. He tries to listen, maybe she’s gone to her living room to play without him waking up, but he can’t hear her. His heart starts to accelerate and so he decides to go up and find her. He looks in the living room, the kitchen, he even goes to the bathroom, only to find she’s nowhere to be found.

“Kate?” he calls out in the apartment.

No answer. Now he’s really starting to worry. Where can she be? He looks for her phone and doesn’t find it, her keys are gone as well. He finds his own phone and calls her.

“You’ve reached detective Kate Beckett, I can’t answer your call right now. Leave a message after the beep.”

“Damnit,” he says as he starts to worry. What if something’s happened? He calls the precinct.

“Officer L.T. here.”

“Hey, it’s Castle, is Beckett there?” he immediately asks and he hears L.T. shuffle around a bit.

“No, I haven’t seen her come in, wait a minute, I’ll just go double check,” he says and he leaves the phone on the desk in order to go and check her desk.

Castle can’t stand still as he awaits the officer to come back and give him an answer. What if she’s hurt? He keeps pacing back and forth in her apartment, still kind of hoping she’ll just come out from some corner asking him what he’s doing up.

“No, she’s not here, Castle,” L.T. says and his heart pounds harder.

“Okay, thank you, L.T.” he says as he quickly hangs up again to try and call her cell phone again.

“Come on, come on,” he whispers for himself as he listens on the phone.

“You’ve reached detective Kate Beckett, I can’t answer your call right now. Leave a message after the beep.”

“Kate, where are you?” he asks as he hangs up again and races to put on some jeans along with his jacket and shoes.

On his way out he’s calling Ryan, who’s awakened by his call.

“Ryan,” he mumbles and Castle starts rambling on about Beckett being gone immediately. “Hold up, hold up, Castle, what?”

“I woke up and she’s not here! And she’s not answering her phone! She’s not at the precinct either, I called and L.T. checked!” he’s pretty much shouting with the panic flowing through his veins.

“Okay, I-ah,” Ryan sounds confused as he’s probably doing his best to understand what’s going on. “Have you tried calling Jim?”

Castle stops in his tracks, his hand on the door knob. “No,” he says. “Would she want me to worry him?”

He can practically hear the shrug from Ryan. “Well, if you really think she’s gone out then perhaps her dad knows where to.”

“Okay,” Castle says and Ryan tells him to call again if the elder man doesn’t know or if Castle doesn’t find her after looking where her dad might suggest.

Castle goes out before calling Jim Beckett, figures he wants to be on his feet in order to be able to steer his footsteps the second the man suggests a location. The older man answers almost immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Rick Castle, I’m…”

“I know who you are, you’re dating my daughter,” Jim cuts him off and Castle gulps.

“Yeah, I-uhm, I’m calling because I can’t reach Kate, do you know where she could be?” he asks and he hears a sigh on the other end of the call. “I’m so sorry for disturbing you this early I’m just…”

“No-no, don’t apologize, I was up anyway, just like Katie,” the old man sighs again and Castle feels his forehead wrinkle in confusion. “It’s January 9th.”

Castle is quiet for a few seconds. “What does that have to do with anything?” he eventually questions.

“She hasn’t told you yet, has she..?” the old man sounds sad and it’s kind of heartbreaking to listen to. “My wife passed away ten years ago today, Katie usually spends an early morning at her grave since she throws herself into work during the day.”

Oh! “I’m so sorry, I had no idea,” Castle starts but the man hushes him.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be back in a few hours.”

Castle waits a beat, gathering up courage. “Can I ask where her grave is, sir?”

He can feel the hesitation radiate through the phone, and he’s certain the man won’t give it to him. After all, they’d only been dating a couple months, but still. She shouldn’t be alone, should she? Was it wrong of him to go after her?

“Richard,” the man says slowly. “Promise me you will leave her alone if she asks you to.”

He nods, even though he knows the man can’t see him. “I promise, sir.”

“It’s Jim, son,” the man says with a friendly tone before he tells the cemetery his wife is buried at.

“Thank you, thank you so much, Jim,” Castle says.

“Take care of her,” Jim states before he hangs up and Castle immediately sets off to find his girlfriend.

----------------------------------------------------

He does find her at the cemetery, he spots her long before she spots him. In fact, she doesn’t spot him until he makes himself known, since he’s coming in from behind her. Before he does make himself known, though, he stops a few feet behind her to observe her.

She’s sitting in the grass, guitar in her lap, her fingers playing something softly. He moves slightly closer to be able to hear the music, and eventually he hears her voice too.

“I wish that Heaven had visiting hours. And I would ask them, if I could take you home. But I know what they’d say, that it’s for the best. So I will live life, the way you taught me. And make it on my own.”

He listens as her voice dies down and she sings a last chorus. Carefully he walks closer, gently clearing his throat to make himself heard. Her head immediately whips around with a frightened expression on her face, until she sees it’s him.

“Hey,” he says carefully and she wipes her cheeks quickly.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, turning her head away from him and he slows down his steps towards her. He promised he’ll leave her alone if she wants him to.

“I-I called your dad, you scared me. I thought you… I had no idea,” he says and he sees her shoulders slump a bit.

“I didn’t want you to know yet,” he hears her whisper.

“I understand that, do you want me to go?” he asks, his voice gentle. He won’t be hurt if she does. He won’t be hurt if she kicks him away. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself. This was her pain to share, not his to find.

It’s quiet for a while and he awaits her answer, doesn’t want to move closer until he knows what she wants, and when the sound of sobs fills the silence he wants to wrap his arms around her. But he doesn’t.

“No,” he eventually hears her whisper as she’s turning her head to him with tears in her eyes and that’s all he needs to close the last steps between them, sinking down to the ground and she immediately leans her head into his chest. His arms wrap around her in a comforting hug and he hears her take a deep breath as she’s clamping onto him. “I’m sorry I scared you,” she whispers after a few seconds and he shakes his head as he hugs her tighter.

“Don’t be, I’m sorry I snooped around,” he apologizes and feels her hug his side.

“I shouldn’t have invited you yesterday without telling you,” she mumbles.

They sit there for a while, she’s pulling away slightly to look towards the grave in front of them and for the first time he’s looking at it too.

Johanna Beckett, it says.Vincit Omnia Veritas. If he’s not wrong it means something like; Truth conquers all.

“Did you write a new song tonight?” he asks after they’ve been silent for a long time.

“What do you mean?” she asks and he nods towards the guitar lying in the grass in front of them.

“I heard you play,” he states and she blushes a little bit.

“Well, not really, I wrote it a long while ago, I just sing it to her,” she tells him and he bites the insides of his cheek.

“Can I hear it?” he asks with big puppy eyes.

At first she shakes her head, an immediate reaction he supposes, but then she looks down at the guitar and up at her mom’s grave.

“Only if you promise not to sing it further or tell anyone about it,” she says with serious eyes looking up at him and he smiles.

“I promise,” he says for the second time tonight. And just like the first time, he means it.

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett #Guitar Girl

[lololova]

Less is more - Miss you

Castle looks down at his phone and feels love fill his insides.

“Come home soon, we miss you.” The text says and, god, he misses her.

He still can’t believe Gina put him on this damn book trip in the middle of the pregnancy. It is such a trashy move and he will make sure the publisher will hear it from him during the whole trip.

“I miss you too, she’s getting big.” He quickly texted back before he clicks up her picture again. She’s beautiful. He still can’t believe this is happening, they’re going to be parents. Him, Richard Castle, and Katherine Beckett are going to be parents.

“She’s starting to kick, I think it’s because she misses your voice,” Kate writes back again and Castle chuckles.

He zooms in on her stomach, she really has gotten bigger since he left a week ago. It might not be visible to an untrained eye but he, who knew her body better than anyone, could see even the slightest of changes, especially now that he was so observant of her belly especially.

“Richard, what are you doing? You were supposed to be leaving for the book store ten minutes ago!” Gina comes barging into the hotel room and Castle gives her an irritated look.

“I’m coming, stop nagging,” he grunts as he stands up to follow her down to the cab.

Once in the cab he writes yet another message.

“I’m going to come home tomorrow, I don’t care what Gina says, I want to come home.”

It doesn’t take long before he gets a reply, another picture attached to it, and he smiles bright at the message.

“I love you Rick, see you soon.” The picture this time being of a small vest he suspects she’s bought today when she was out with Lanie.

On the vest it says “Baby” and he chuckles.

“I love you too Kate.”

The end

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #Rick Castle #Kate Beckett