ladydeadpxxl

[ladydeadpxxl]

Got a 98% on my exam and feeling so pumped about it!! I’ll be doing replies tonight or first thing tomorrow. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

[ladydeadpxxl]

I know I owe things to some people (( @goddamndeadpool @stxbilis @revvupurharley @arkhamgenesis @spiderbiteblues )) but I have a major exam coming up on Tuesday, I know y'all have been waiting for a while, but to be totally honest it prolly won’t happen until after Tuesday. Sorry. ))

[ladydeadpxxl]

Wanda sighs with a petulant pout, soft core was boring and she happened to pride herself on being the exact opposite. “Well at least try making this interesting for me, otherwise what’s the point?” She frowns thoughtfully for a moment before brightening up considerably, “Hey,” Wanda grins wide and sunny “you could get dressed up like a lumberjack!”

#arkhamgenesis #call me beep me | mobile

[ladydeadpxxl]

@arkhamgenesis continued from here

“GOLLY GEE WILIKERS, Todd!” Wanda sing-songs in a decidedly unpleasant southern drawl. “Is this your way of propositioning me for a little….” She inhales sharply with a lascivious smirk “… hardcore anal?”

#arkhamgenesis #i'm not sorry #call me beep me | mobile

[ladydeadpxxl]

the person I reblogged this from is a cute peach

#it's truuueeew #promo

[ladydeadpxxl]

“But there are some

        c r i m e s

          –s i n s–

Even G o t h a m can’t

               W a s h  A w a y”

ArkhamGenesis

Ind. Jason Todd

Written by S h e r y l

#promo

[ladydeadpxxl]

thebadwebster:

Peter only rolled his eyes at her weird saying. Why she even remotely cared was beyond him. He really couldn’t care less what she thought, but since she was more experienced, he might as well take some advice from her, whether or not it was actual advice or not.

“Why do you even care how I live my life?” Peter asked. “You’re no better off than I am.. probably. But still. You’d think, after all the expensive jobs you do, you would be able to ditch this life and go off to Hawaii or some shit.” He points out. Since she had said he shouldn’t take jobs that are less than 10k, then shouldn’t she be rich?

“I don’t get why you’re even remotely interested in what I’m doing to get money.” He shook his head and turned around, heading towards the roof ledge. “Internet or not, a job is still a job.”

Retirement was for boring old people, or those annoying techie dweebs that managed to sell their startup dotcom for millions back in the early ‘noughties when people were still mesmerized by the interwebs. Definitely not for someone like Wanda who enjoyed the killing just as much as she liked the money.

“Hell, with all the cash I got I could probably buy a damn island. But I don’t have a face for relaxing by the beach sipping appletinis. Bodacious bod notwithstanding, my ugly mug would probably scare the locals so much they’d think I was some kinda hell-beast sent to torment them by an angry God. And maybe the tokens of their repentance would be amusing at first but then the blood sacrifices start making things kinda weird...” Wanda trails off and blinks clearing her throat. “Just a random example.”

“Any-whore,” She sighs sending Parker a glare he couldn’t see beneath her mask for good measure, “Par-k-er,” Wanda sing-songs just to be a shit because she could “I may not know shit about income-taxes, but I do know that I’m right about this shit.”

#thebadwebster #omg sorry this took so long

[ladydeadpxxl]

encvgh:

{{ Please reblog this if you’re a mun who’s open for angst plotting. Death, pain, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, illness, misery, fighting, screaming, tears, hate, disgust, trauma, graphic gore, etc; I’m in need of threads. Thank you. }}

#mun things

[ladydeadpxxl]

LIKE THIS IF I OWE YOU A REPLY

#reasonably sure I don't owe anyone any replies #but I just wanna make sure before I start anymore threads #thank~

[ladydeadpxxl]

dont joke about murder i was murdered once and it offends me

#muse

[ladydeadpxxl]

Send a sexual scenario and my muse will tell you whether or not they’d be into it. Anon or not.

#meme

[ladydeadpxxl]

PSA: IF WE’RE IN A MUTUAL AND YOU WANT TO THROW A STARTER AT ME BECAUSE YOUR MUSE WANTS MINE OR YOU JUST WANT TO ROLEPLAY IN GENERAL —- JUST DO IT. I PROMISE, I’LL SCREAM WITH HAPPINESS IF YOU DO. YOU’RE NOT BOTHERING ME ; I WANT TO ROLEPLAY WITH ALL OF THE PEOPLE I FOLLOW. OKAY, YOU’RE ALL WONDERFUL. PCE. 

#mun #alwaYS

[ladydeadpxxl]

The truth was the only reason Wanda had actually taken the job was for the chance to go head to head with Parker, she just really hadn’t expected to lose so, well spectacularly. Not that Parker needed to know that. “Don’t you work your tight little butt-hole about my business you should start thinking about your own weak ass set up.”

Had the kid never even heard of the dark web? He looked like one of those quiet nerd types, he was probably smart enough to interface with that shit himself. Wanda outsourced for that kinda thing, creating jobs for the economy and all that, she was very entrepreneurial when she wanted to be.

It sounded like the kid was just taking whatever job happened to come his way, which was again kinda sad. “Look, if you’re gonna do this shit then do it right man. It’s twenty-seventeen, everything is done online these days. Gawwwd!” Wanda sighs with exasperation. Being a good person was tiring, and boring.

Peter just merely blinks when Wilson asked what he did, he just kind of shrugged. The money was all the guy had, and honestly he wasn’t picky when it came to the amounts.

“Hey, I get whatever money I can get. I’m just doing this so I can support me and my Aunt. I’m not some big-shot hitman- er.. hitwoman like you are.” He stuffs his wallet back into his jeans and crosses his arms. “What’s it matter to you, anyways? You still wanted to do the job, didn’t you? Isn’t that why you decided to come shriek at me?” He questioned.

“Played or not, I still got money in the end.” He rolled his eyes some. “I’ve only just started doing this whole killing for money business. Before I was just killing bad guys and stealing their shit.” He pressed his lips into a thin line. Though.. he supposed that having 10k would really help with bills and the like… He knew he and Aunt May could use the money..

#thebadwebster

[ladydeadpxxl]

“ we  don’t  die. “    —    ind.   priv.    sel.    comic based,  carl grimes.

#fukin 10/10 koala tea okay #go follow

[ladydeadpxxl]

“Okay see now we have another issue entirely...” Wanda grips the bridge of her nose and breathes deeply, in an attempt to center her chi or whatever queer shit yoga was about. “Parker, please tell me you did not just kill a man for only five hundred bucks?” See, now Wanda just feels bad. She takes the money he’s offering, because money is money, but still she feels bad.

"This is like, cheap hooker and bad blow money. God, Spider-Dork, okay look at me.” Wanda sighs. “You don’t get out of bed for less than 10k. Dude, murder is illegal, highly illegal, you do not waist serious jail time for a cheap hooker and bad blow.” This was almost painful, how long had Parker even been in the merc game for anyway?

“You got played, dude. I mean now I just feel bad for you. Last time some fucker tried to stiff me, I wore his face. It wasn’t as cool as Anthony Hopkins made it look, but it was a pretty damn effective learning exercise anyway.”

“Wow, true. I guess I should’ve expected that.” Peter pauses to look at her. She was just so ridiculous in the way she spoke and acted. She was nothing like he originally expected in a merc like her, and he was still amazed how someone hasn’t gotten annoyed enough to send her to the outer edges of space.

“Bad Dragon? Seriously? Holy shit you’re one kinky sadist. Honestly. And all I got was five hundred bucks. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to get very much from that weird ass website.” He shuddered from the thought. He’d spent too much time blogging and searching the web. He knew all about that god damn site, and what they sold was just.. weird.

“Okay look.” He steps down from the ledge, tugging out his wallet. “Here. Just to get you out of my fucking face about this whole thing.” He holds out $250. “We can split the money. Because god forbid I need food and shelter.”

#thebadwebster

[ladydeadpxxl]

thebadwebster:

Peter watched in slight annoyance and amusement as the girl shoots herself in the foot, and doesn’t even realize it until moments later. He supposed it was a perk to never being able to die. He raised his eyebrows at her outburst.

“Technically speaking, I just stood here. You shot yourself on your own.” He looked at the blood being spread on the rooftop. “I don’t get why you’re angry at me. I was just doing a job. Why don’t you get all pissy at the guy who hired us at the same time?” Peter was honestly a little annoyed by this whole situation. He shakes his head some.

“Spanking me won’t do anything. Unless you get off to other people’s pain. Then that’s just sadistic.” He shakes his head and turns around. “If all you’re going to do is act like a child and whine about who stole whose kill, then I’m leaving. And I swear if you follow me I’m going to have to kill you again and ship your body parts off to different areas of the world.” He looked back with a frown. Wilson was just too melodramatic and it was really annoying.

Okay so  maybe Parker’s remark about Wanda’s misplaced anger isn’t complete bullshit. It’s not like Wanda hasn’t pulled the same shit like a dozen times over, it’s just usually she doesn’t loose. She hates loosing. It’s totally why no one ever plays monopoly with her, and not because she doesn’t have any friends. Obviously.

“Hey I’m completely sadistic, who told you I wasn’t?” It’s super true, Wanda is like the most sadistic person ever, duh. She doesn’t have a masochistic bone in her body, not even in her pinky fingers or toes. That was the most untrue falsest argument over. She was a lean mean sadist machine, ask any one of the friends she didn’t have.

“And you know what, that’s not the point! So stop trying to moisten my lady garden with all of your sexy talk because it ain’t gonna work. I needed that money for a bad-dragon shopping spree, you jerk.”

#thebadwebster #moisten my lady garden is the best/worst thing i've ever written #and i'm so proud/ashamed of it #omfg

[ladydeadpxxl]

thebadwebster:

Honestly, Peter had been told to get the job done quickly, just like every other hit man or criminal in the city. And quite frankly, he just needed the money. So, when he was told that if he didn’t get it done before the other guy, which wasn’t even a guy at all, but rather Lady Deadpool, he had decided to literally swing on by and get the guy quickly and swiftly.

Obviously that didn’t bode very well for his competitor. And nothing was worse than having Wilson on his ass whining like a little bitch because he stole her kill. And as soon as he heard her voice, he tilted his head back with a heavy sigh. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just what he needed.

Standing from his perch, he spins on his heel and looks towards her. “Look, I don’t care what the hell you’re thinking, but the dude told me to go after the same guy. And I got there first so… he paid me. Sorry. But next time you should be faster.” The male gives a slight shrug, reaching up to push the hood of his sweater down, looking towards the other. “Maybe that’s why I was asked. Because I’m a lot faster with jobs.” The male couldn’t help tue slight grin.

Is this a STROKE? Was this how having a stroke felt? Was it even possible to get so angry you gave yourself a stroke? Because if that was even a little bit possible, Wanda is fairly certain she’s having one right now. A rage induced stroke.

Rage induced strokes involved way more bleeding than regular strokes. Wait, did regular strokes make you bleed? No,so then...

“Oh,” Wanda sighs thoughtfully as her brain catches up with what’s happening and fills in the blanks. “You just made me shoot myself in the foot!” Wanda screams outraged. It’s not technically Peter’s fault, that she gets irrational and unstable when she’s angry, but he’s the fucker who pissed her off. 

“Just you wait,” Wanda is still shouting hopping around on one foot and gesturing wildly, “As soon as this shit heals you’re gonna get such a spanking!”

#thebadwebster