kaiofc-blog

[kaiofc-blog]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YUMI ! ( PT. 1 ) + a baekai aesthetic.

‘ what about the first time you met him, did you know you loved him then ? ’

        ‘ god, ’ kai began with a shake of his head, attempting to ignore the instantaneous smile that came along with the mere mention of baekhyun. ‘ it just seems so long ago, you know ? we were freshman in university and everything, and i had no clue what i was doing --- i guess i’ve always been pretty consistent in that. ’ the dark haired male paused for a b e a t, as if allowing the memory to surface vividly in his mind. ‘ when we met ... god, we met in a bar off campus at like, TWO in the morning. it had been my usual hangout around that time, you could say, ’ kai shrugged. ‘ when he walked in i had no idea ... i had no idea what i was getting myself into. usually i’d meet someone in the bar, they’d come back to my dorm or i’d go to theirs ... but that didn’t happen with jung baekhyun. ’ nothing with him was ever normal. ‘ we played darts until the sun came up. can you believe that ? darts ? and ---- i’ve never been someone who’s believed in love at first sight or anything like that, and before baekhyun, i hadn’t really felt much of anything at all. but the moment he walked in ... i think something in me knew he was going to change my whole world.  ’ // @baaekhyvns

#( ❝ ✗┊ when broken boys fall together — 「 baekhyun. 」 #HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!! #LISTEN ILYSM /: #I KNO THIS ISN'T GREAT BUT I WANTED 2 SHOW MY LOV OK DJFSKDFJKDJ #i tried 2 show like ... // contrasts // between them n the things ??? they did during the break up if that makes sense??? #while baek dresses nice kai doesn't rly give a shit #nd whilst baek has maybe traveled a bit w his dad kai ? bar travels jdsjdfs #nd during the break up !! baek threw himself into work ( ??? i think i rmbr u sayin tht but call me out if not ) and kai threw himself into #other peoples beds #??? IDK HOPEFULLY IT MAKES SENSE #I LOV U AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[kaiofc-blog]

BAEKHYUN.

there’s no ignoring the way the other’s words TREMBLE, baekhyun’s mind almost HYPERSENSITIVE to the other’s ( every ) move, every utterance ( he likes to think he knows kai better than anyone MOST people do, after all ). “y– yeah? and yet he finds himself BELIEVING the other in his drunken stupor anyway … whether it’s for kai’s sake or his own, he isn’t all too sure, nor too KEEN on finding out. “it’s … no problem –– dude.” nickname is spoken dumbly, and it rolls around in baek’s mouth the w r o n g way, even– no, especially with kai. “stay .. as long as you want, you know?” you’d ALWAYS have a home with me. “just .. seat. SIT, i mean, have a–– seat, yeah.” their feet bring him to his kitchen counter, and as he fills up a glass he has to stop his own hands from SHAKING like crazy, his mind from exploding with possibilities probably way off-base–– maybe kai missed him too? ha –– he wouldn’t be fooling anyone.

so he finds himself shaking off his own thoughts, f a l l i n g back on the couch with kai and offering him the glass of water he’d managed ( without spilling anything, thank god ) for the other. “… drink up.” he urges of the other’s frame, placing the glass in the other’s hand – and lingering a TAD when their fingers brush against each other, pulling away almost reluctantly. get it together, baekhyun, for fuck’s sake–– “didn’t–– take you long to find my place?” he asks, in the hopes of c o n v e r s a t i o n to avoid, well .. CONVERSATION. “i’m –– was –– working, but, well. you know.” of course; it was the very reason they’d broken up in the first place, and now the load of papers sprawled out on the desk look even MORE like the enemy. “just decided on taking a break when you, uh–– stopped by. you’re– you’re right on time, kai, you know that? ha.” ( and even if you weren’t –– i’d choose YOU over work …. this time. i promise. i’m sorry. )

          if he had been in the right mind, kai would be thanking whatever higher power that had baekhyun seemingly believing lies spilled in his drunken state --- because really, he hadn’t sold them well at all, transparency written in every crevice of his face. the ring in his pocket, though light as can be, provided a heavy reminder for his stumbling to the other so late at night ; he’d missed the other desperately. ‘ th .. yeah, thanks. ’ he pushed out, GOD, he’d been just as awkward drunk as he was sober. perhaps that was the baekhyun effect. having a seat on the familiar couch shouldn’t have hit him as hard as it did, but kai found emotions bubbling as he took in his surroundings. thankfully after baekhyun had vanished into another room.

the reappearance of the other, sat next to him on the couch --- had him dumbfounded for a long moment, t e n s i o n filling the air as he attempted to grip the glass of water held out to him, cold fingertips b r u s h i n g  against warm ones in a moment that felt as if it was in slow motion. a joke about something STRONGER lingered in his mind, but he left the words unspoken --- unsure of what kind of humor would fly. instead, he lifted the glass to his lips, allowing a sufficient amount of liquid down his throat before lowering it again, ears tuned to the sound of baekhyun’s voice. god --- he missed that voice. soft, but not too much so, gravely at times --- in the best way imaginable. god, god --- why was he there ? ‘ not --- really. the place is a bit hard to miss, ’ hard to forget. ‘ i thought i’d have more difficulty, though. ’ there was a shrug, and a lame attempt at trying to ignore the rapid beating in his chest. this was such a mistake. he nodded at the information given, hardly surprised by it. baekhyun was always working. ‘ you should get some rest, you know ? while you’re on break ? ’ old habits, he supposed, died hard. he cleared his throat after words left him, shaking his head at his own foolishness. what on EARTH made kai think that the other would listen to him now ? ‘ or, you know ... whatever. i’m not ... really in any place to tell you to do that. ’ kai lowered his head to the glass in his hand, moving slightly within his grip. ‘ don’t mind me i’ll be ... here, you know. i won’t make a peep. ’

#( ❝ ✗┊ no one ever hears when i speak — 「 interactions. 」 #baaekhyvns #sHUT UP EVERY REPLY U PUT OUT IS THE BEST #JUST LIKE U N JUST LIKE BAEK #THANK U

[kaiofc-blog]

BAEKHYUN.

because it’s something past UNGODLY in the early morning, crunched up energy drink cans lying around the floor and a half-emptied mug of BLACK coffee seated coaster-less on the table, and jung baekhyun hasn’t let sleep T O U C H him for a second. in front of him, paperwork and schoolwork MERGE in an unattractive, towering heap, and while baekhyun’s sure to have seen worse ( and unfortunately, he really HAS ), exhaustion is kicking in … no matter how many shots of espresso run through his V E I N S. but then there’s a knock at the door, then a voice –– that voice. kai’s voice – and baek’s almost CERTAIN he’s hallucinating, hands rubbing at weary eyes … but god– there’s no mistaking the thudthudthud of his heart, so W E A K against the promise of his ex boyfriend knocking at his door ( even if he is just dreaming it up ).

but then kai says something ELSE, and now baekhyun is sure this is for real, now; taking his time towards the door, he’s MET with the other’s ( bloodshot ) features, and is almost instant in his stepping back, ushering the other in. “k– kai.” voice is weak, eyes unable to leave the other’s frame. “s– sit down, yeah? are .. are you–– okay?” god, god ––– i’ve MISSED you.

      THE HAZE OF HIS MIND seemed to clear for a mere moment as he was faced with what lay on the opposite side of the door. his ex boyfriend, baekhyun --- awake, alive, in the flesh, and right in front of him. god --- GOD, what was he doing ? he was still drunk, and still drunk enough to have convinced himself that winding up at the other’s door looking like a lost puppy would go over anywhere near well. but he stood, staring at the shorter male with his jaw left slightly agape. though he’d seen the other every now and again ( it had proved rather difficult, it seemed, to avoid one completely when you wound up on campus at the same time more often than not, and not to mention the amount of times baekhyun’s father had wound up in the restaurant where kai worked --- that was something that had the other boy on the forefront of his mind for hours on end ), he was sure that right then was the first time in months he had looked at him straight on, unable to find words or tear his gaze away.

the sound of his name falling from the other’s lips caused him to fidget, fingertips finding themselves near his mouth before he lifted all fingers in a subtle wave. it was clear that he was still drunk, and if the sober kai was seeing himself, he likely would’ve wondered if baekhyun’s ushering him inside the apartment they used to share was something purely out of niceness. ( it wouldn’t have surprised him, really --- baekhyun had always been a much better person than himself ). ‘ hi, ’ he uttered, weakly, allowing himself inside the familiar apartment though it was the last thing he should’ve done. ‘ me ? yeah, no i’m --- i got locked out of my dorm, ’ a lie, slightly slurred as he flopped down on the couch with a thud. ‘ ‘n everyone else seems to be asleep right now, so --- at least you answered your door. i just need a place to crash, an hour -- maybe two. but, i mean ---- i’ll get out of your hair the moment you want me gone, dude. ’

#icb thEY ARE BACK OML #also ... wym flop ... i only kno yumi #the most successful person ever n not a flop #IDK WHAT THIS IS THO YIKES #( ❝ ✗┊ no one ever hears when i speak — 「 interactions. 」 #baaekhyvns #also this got .. rl long i just .. hav a lot to say ok

[kaiofc-blog]

           PERHAPS DRUNK WASN’T THE BEST WAY to navigate ones self in the middle of the night; but that was exactly how kai navigated throughout the streets of seoul long after the clock had struck midnight, however. though he had sobered up considerably since his intoxication took over the forefront of his mind, he was still thinking illogically, still staggering with each step he took toward his desired destination. baekhyun, baekhyun, baekhyun, the boy’s name echoed in his head, and memories slowly took over as he clutched at the ring held in his coat pocket; at least he remembered that when he left his dorm so abruptly. kai staggered up to the familiar door with little thought of consequence. maybe he’d be lucky, and maybe baekhyun would still be awake ( who was he kidding, that much he was sure of ). cold knuckles rapped on the door, and his puffy bloodshot eyes ( from tears formerly shed ) drooped to match his exhaustion. ‘ baekhyun, ’ he called out, taking a pause in his endeavor of knocking. ‘ fuck. i need to talk to you. please be awake. ’ // @baaekhyvns

#( ❝ ✗┊ no one ever hears when i speak — 「 interactions. 」 #baaekhyvns #.................................................. b y e ...

[kaiofc-blog]

You tend to distance yourself from others because you feel that they’re going to leave anyway.

(via prettysuicidal)

#( ❝ ✗┊ tell me where my skin begins — 「 muse. 」

[kaiofc-blog]

there was something in baekhyun’s words that made kai glad ---- not for the melancholy lacing his tone, but the admittance of something so simple. he hadn’t been back either. while it could’ve easily been because the other didn’t care to, there was a bit of pride that kai allowed himself to feel. ‘ yeah. ’ was his awkwardly stretched out response; he was knowingly at the end of his wits on the subject of idle chat ---- and their situation only made it feel that much more weird. so he was relieved when the other boy exuded as much excitement as he’d initially felt, sparking a full on grin as he stood up himself. ‘ next round ? now it’s interesting, ’ kai didn’t even try to conceal his readiness. ‘ and now i really won’t let you win. ’ it was mostly teasing, lighthearted, but kai rarely had sufficient funds to buy his own drinks; he wasn’t too sure he could cover if he did happen to lose. following after baekhyun was easy enough, and he had to stop himself before he laid a hand on the other’s shoulder. his arm had reached out like a hand searching for a phantom limb, leaving kai with embarrassment to bubble in his chest; hopefully, he thought, baekhyun didn’t notice.

( kai. )

“you’re tellin’ me.” there’s another dry chuckle that laces his words, and this time around the smile lingers against baekhyun’s features, warmth permeating through the thick, cold air. kai had always been emotionally-driven –– it was something he’d come to love in the other boy, after all. sadness droops in his gaze for just a moment, and the business student ducks his head towards the wooden table, the regret in his glance reserved for that of the furniture whose gaze he now held. “me neither.” admits baekhyun almost morosely; he’d blame it on the holiday spirit once more, but in all honesty he was in no mood to fight with someone who was constantly on his mind. “it’s been– a busy season, it has.” another hum, another sigh, another swig. but the smirk on kai’s face is one baek hears before he even sees; he barely manages to conceal the excitement beating rapidly against his chest before standing up, the glint of a challenge holding in his gaze as he returns kai’s smirk with one of his own. “winner buys the next round.” and with another swing of his drink he strides towards the dartboard, every feeling in his chest new and familiar all at the same time.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #when has kai ever smiled this much im ... . what a concept #nd !!!! excited baek i lov

[kaiofc-blog]

kai was already settled on their resting place, though it rang loudly with nostalgia of the past year --- the dark haired male was all too happy to have himself out of the cold to question the destination. maybe the christmas spirit had reached him after all ---- that, or something about being there with baekhyun again just felt ... right. he quickly weaved his way through the small crowd of people to the familiar booth, claiming success when as he only looked over his shoulder to watch the other twice. he sat himself down in his usual spot, taking a moment to calculate how long it had been since the two of them had been in the very space he now occupied --- and kai shook his head, thinking himself foolish as he unzipped and shrugged off his coat, leaving him in nothing but an ill-fitting shirt ---- really, it wasn’t any wonder kai had gotten cold so quickly when he never, ever dressed himself warmly beneath the large coat that hung on him during the winter months --- but he was likely to never learn. something near a warm smile spread across his features when baekhyun came into view once more, and he could’ve swore that he had momentarily lost himself to a time warp. ‘ cheers, ’ he mumbled, though he was sure to be loud enough that the other would hear. kai allowed a sufficient amount of the liquid to flow down his throat before he spoke again, pushing out small talk in hopes of keeping the conversation steady. ‘ they got new dartboards, ’ kai observed, eyebrow quirking as he glanced across the table to baekhyun. ‘ i wonder when that happened. ’

( kai. )

blame it on perpetual exhaustion, but baekhyun doesn’t realize what he’s gotten himself into before it hits him like a ton of bricks, falling in his direction. oh–– a part of him wonders if this was a mistake, and maybe they ought to go back into the snow, but baekhyun decides against it, knowing how much kai detests the cold ( another option would’ve been to give the other the drinks and leave –– though he supposes that would be even worse ). so instead he offers the other a chaste nod, near tripping over himself in an attempt to get to the counter, and it takes all of baekhyun’s willpower not to look back over his shoulder in the other’s direction. the orders are brisk –– he does know the usuals, after all –– and baek can’t help but smile over at the deja vu that blooms painfully in his chest, his necklace threatening to prove itself visible against the fabric of his shirt. with a shallow breath he tips the waiter generously before heading back to the booth ( their booth, he can’t help but notice with trembling shoulders ), and baekhyun is quick to sit across kai, sliding his drink over to him. “– cheers.” he decides against himself, allowing the clink of their glasses before he takes a large, large chug.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #listen .. . .. .. . is there such thing as an emo nut bc ... . . that happened

[kaiofc-blog]

though kai’s outward appearance showed little to no enthusiasm, his demeanor had lightened up considerably since noticing baekhyun’s presence. it was like the softening of features when his eyes lingered too long; instinctual and unable to be helped, even when bitter feelings lingered in the depths of his stomach. kai followed behind the shorter male at his own pace, careful to make sure his legs don’t carry him too quickly. he’d decided minutes before that walking into baekhyun could’ve lead to all sorts of embarrassment. ( embarrassment that he’d rather not feel, if he had a choice in the matter ). kai’s hues scanned the bar as an excuse to distract himself, but the surroundings only provided him means to be caught off guard. ‘ yeah, it’s fine. ’ he nodded, trying to ignore the tension that was slowly growing in shoulders. they’d walked into the bar where they had first met and kai hadn’t even noticed until he looked around ---- and it’s only then that he realized that maybe baekhyun thought nothing of it. ‘ i’ll uh, ’ he began awkwardly, eyes still scanning every inch of his surroundings where the other wasn’t standing. ‘ yeah. i’ll be in the --- the booth over there. ’ smooth.

( kai. )

“cool. great, great.” baek nods, almost vigorously, before shoving his own hands in his pockets and making his way across the snowy landscape. winter proves to do wonders to his mood, it appears, and the business major even allows himself the hint of a smile as he strides towards the nearest bar he can find. “this alright with you?” when he turns to face the other baekhyun can’t help the way his features soften, either, but he’s quick to turn his head back and away from kai’s sight, in an attempt to hide the flush that crawls across his cheeks. “you can get a chair, or something, i– i can get, uh. drinks, yeah.” i still know your regular, anyway.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #i hope u odnt hate me for ..... making it the bar where they met :~)))))))) #gd i hope this makes SOME sense smh

[kaiofc-blog]

as if on pure instinct, kai nodded at the others offer, pushing against the urge to bury his chin deep behind the zipper that gave a cold nip at his skin whenever he made contact with it. ‘ lead the way, ’ kai mumbled, but before his words could be perceived as anything akin to soft, there was a bit of coldness to his tone when he said ‘ anywhere is better than here. ’

( kai. )

with his coat on he looks about twice as big as he actually is –– a staggering feat for someone like kai, who towers over baekhyun without even a second thought, but as the business student looks over at the coat-coddled figure he can’t resist the smile that warms across his features, in such large contrast to the cool winter breeze. “i can’t argue with that.” uncharacteristically soft are his words –– as if they have a right to be, and maybe it’s the holiday spirit that bursts inside him, but the words “let’s go someplace warmer. if you want.” leave his lips before he can warn himself otherwise, smile bordering cautious and hopeful all at the same time.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #smth stronger than kai's pride !!!!!! his need to b warm i'm lmao #this is shIT I AM SORRI

[kaiofc-blog]

huddled deeply in his winter coat was kai, and his foul mood practically radiated from his very being. he didn’t want to be where he was; the holiday spirit was a feeling long since forgotten. kai was a scrooge, one might say, in need of a visit from the ghost of christmas’ past. and though he was only there for people he cared for ( and the small promise of booze ), the last person he had expected to see was baekhyun, the same boy he had been thinking about for hours on end. ‘ i guess, ’ he mumbled in response, his better nature dictating over his personal feelings for a small moment. ‘ it’s still fuckin’ cold as shit, though. ’

snowflakes litter the barely visible grass, surroundings nestled in pure white as he glances around at delighted families, lovers –– the holiday spirit practically permeates, and baekhyun can’t help the smile that adorns his features, warm and inviting. it’s not the most wonderful time of the year for no reason; even his father agrees, allowing his son a few days off to marvel at the sights ––– a well deserved break, he says, and for once baekhyun has almost no doubts. “beautiful, isn’t it?” it’s more of a statement than a question, but the business major turns to the person at his side anyway, eyes holding a muted light as his glance drifts towards the carnival once more.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #this is so ugly but !!! liek i promised !!! #kai is literally scrooge i'mSORRY #will he ever stop cursing tho whtf

[kaiofc-blog]

he didn’t respond to his name being called, the first time nor the second, but the second time he nearly flinched, and his hands balled themselves into fists, clenching hard enough for his nails to leave marks --- or worse, draw blood. everything was bubbling to the surface, his emotional wounds left exposed without much thought. ‘ don’t you ? ’ was kai’s scarce response, tone no lighter than it was previously. and then baekhyun was telling him he’s right, SHAKING his formerly proposed dominance; though kai bit, baekhyun was prepared to bite back --- but kai wasn’t even close to being done. ‘ you’re interested in what i want ? that’s golden, ’ the male pushed on further, taking a daring step toward the other without much consideration for proximity; surely it would catch up to him in a few moments. ‘ you don’t deserve to hear what i want, not after that shit you pulled you---- you signed away that right when you decided i wasn’t important. ’

( kai. )

so they were doing this here, then. he ought to have known what his words would’ve done, and yet –– everything with kai was as unpredictable as he was, baekhyun allowing himself to be swept away into the eye of the storm, so long as he could lace his fingers with the other’s to keep him grounded. acid pools in his stomach as kai’s words are spat in his direction, and suddenly baekhyun is wide awake, hypersensitive; everything hurts, from the way kai’s gaze makes him halt in his tracks, from the way the truth that he speaks makes his blood run over freezing. and baekhyun, well–– baekhyun feels it all, a broken boy without anyone to fall into – and it’s all his fault. “kai.” he manages to heave out, trying to thaw the bitterness though it’s exhaustion that runs through instead; “kai.” repeats baek, a little firmer –– a little colder. this is what we are, now. “i don’t need you to tell me what i already knew, do i?” dryer than he wants himself to be; snider than he intends for it to come off, but at this rate they’re both beyond apologies. “you’re right. is that it, then? you’re right. you are. is that what you wanted?” hand retracts itself from his pocket, flying to the back of his nape as he stares down at kai with a helplessness uncharacteristic, though his jaw remains set. “just–– just tell me what you want, okay? because i’m– i’m––” sorry, i’m sorry, i love you and never deserved to. 

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #lISTEN I HATEH THEM #SORRY THIS IS SHORT

[kaiofc-blog]

he knew it wasn’t a good idea, wasn’t even close to a good idea for kai to be acting like he was so suddenly; but that didn’t stop him. feelings of bitterness and lingering heartbreak have taken him over, turning him into a boy full of emotion, a boy he hated to be more than his usual stoic self. ‘ maybe you shouldn’t have made me so fuckin’ miserable, then, ’ his words were calculated and cold, dripping from his mouth like ichor,  full of all the venom baekhyun had left in him when he decided that they weren’t worth it. kai straightened himself up, to make himself look taller and feel bigger as he ignored every dull ache that made his head scream, ignored the very anxiety that crawled up his throat; all he wanted in that moment was to inflict as much pain as he felt. ‘ i wouldn’t have to go around fucking people that aren’t you, would i ? i wouldn’t have to feel hands that weren’t yours, ’ another laugh left him then, bitter as the december winds that blew outside. vindictive boy, would they ever learn that love wasn’t a game to play ? ‘ but yeah, my happy’s your happy too, right ? that’s complete bullshit. ’

( kai. )

a crooked smile forms at the corners of his lips, the dry chuckle escaping kai’s like music to his ears; baekhyun’d always been convinced that it was his favorite song –– not being able to hear it, well, was his own fault, but he wasn’t going to admit that aloud. he chokes back the bitter laugh that engulfs his throat once kai nods, resists the urge to snark out of sleep-deprivity and hurt –– those two aren’t exactly the best mix either, he finds. hands curl and uncurl into tiny fists, his own coping mechanism without any coffee onsite, but all baekhyun can manage to get out is a “yeah, i guess.” in return, fingers fiddling now with the loose thread inside his pockets, eyes never breaking gaze from the floor ––– up until the other scoffs, and baek’s features freeze over, an uncharacteristic stoic falling over his expression as gaze grows cold. “–– i wasn’t joking.” the boy mumbles out, words choked out like something acidic as he glances over at the taller with something like a sadness he doesn’t dare let on. “your happy’s still mine too, y’know.” he’s treading dangerous, dangerous waters now, he knows that full well –– but baekhyun can’t help but think about how drowning by kai’s side wouldn’t be so bad, anyway. it always will be. quiet looms over them for just a moment; feelings so easily seep out of someone like baekhyun, who’s barely holding it together on his own, but with kai beside him the business student can’t help but feel like he’s utterly unraveling; love’s a bitch.

#' love's a bitch ' u know who else is a bitch?? #kaihao :-) super petty :-) i hate him :-) #✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn

[kaiofc-blog]

‘ you’ll find a way to thrive. ’ you always did was almost tacked on with his words, his suddenly cut off tone a clear confirmation as such. residual feelings got caught in his throat, which caused the dark haired male to lift a hand to his neck; the action an instinctual one, an attempt to make anxieties easier to swallow. it never helped in reality, but it formed a minuscule feeling of comfort in some moments. ‘ you never used to sleep, ’ kai observed, allowing a dry chuckle to escape lips chapped by cold weather. then a thought, however a small one, crossed his mind; maybe baekhyun was sleeping better now that they were apart. it made a small shred of sense, didn’t it ? kai often gave the people he cared about more worries about him than he should. that reasoning was enough to make kai doubt that baekhyun’s sleeping habits were nothing more than him being a workaholic. ‘ but i’ll believe it. ’ he coincided, a playful manner almost settling over him before he felt the shift --- the loss of warm contact only inches away --- and it took kai a long moment before he really understood why. communication skills, still a solid zero. ‘ i--- oh, ’ he nodded, dropping the hand that gripped at his throat as a ripple of guilt ran through him. he shouldn’t have felt it, shouldn’t have cared; but for once he wasn’t accomplishing the things he proved to be best at. ‘ bein’ busy does that, i guess, ’ he forced words out once more, and a scoff could be heard coming from his throat. ‘ i hope you know that sounded like complete bullshit, because it did. ’

( kai. )

“yeah, it’ll be alright? i guess? i mean, the work part of it, i guess; dad’ll bring me along to his socials, too, so, y’know. less fun. but i’ll work around it.” it’s scarily simple to fall back into his old habits, old feelings –– especially with the other involved, baekhyun’s finding it more and more difficult to remain calm under the weight of both head and heart. the reminder more than catches him off guard, and the boy breaks his gaze to stare down at his clothes, pull on the sleeves of his jacket in a feigned interest. “i’m sleepin’.” he replies in immediate defense, tone taking on a slight whine before his cheeks stain rose once more, defeated shrug causing his shoulders to roll over as baek lets out a sigh. “–– you’re right, though, i guess. hmm. thanks–– kai.” the name holds heavy on his tongue; but kai’s chaste response proves heavier, baekhyun’s gaze dragged downcast as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans instantly. “oh.” is the first response he can muster, as if the tiniest word can encapsulate how difficult it is for his mind to wrap around the thought of someone else dare holding the only person he’d ever actually loved. he wants to feel anger but it falls short, lips instead gnawed upon by teeth until he feels like he may actually bleed out. “i, uh, don’t know how it is, actually.” exhausted; sleep-deprived; hopeless in love –– it’s not always the best combination. “been too busy myself to really … do, uh, anything. but, y’know––” too busy being yours to fall for somebody new, “–– m’happy for you. yeah.”

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #whos kai ?? i don't know him he's canceled

[kaiofc-blog]

kai blinked repeatedly when the other held his gaze, as if to rid of the softness that accompanied his hues whenever he looked at baekhyun for more than a second. ( something that, even after their break up, he learned, hadn’t just gone away ). and he didn’t respond, features contorting to match the melancholy feeling that shadowed his heart and the mostly sober part of his brain. ‘ i’m sure you’ll have fun with it, ’ he forced out, fondly remembering just how much the other worked when he got to it. his work ethic was just another thing to adore about baekhyun; kai, too often, slipped out of work habits. ‘ just don’t overwork yourself, yeah ? it is break after all, make sure to get some sleep. ’ it was a slip from the uncaring disposition he was trying to show, but he knew how baekhyun was. a reminder to sleep was probably needed. the male almost shoved his hand into his pocket, to relieve some of the tension that lingered between their hands that nearly touched, but something told him not to. ‘ not seriously, ’ was his blunt response, straight and to the point. god knows the last time he was on a date, but kai remembered his most recent lonely night endeavors. ‘ i mean ... ’ kai swallowed hard, realizing then what his words insinuated. ‘ you know how it is, i’m sure. ’

( kai. )

in, out, in, out –– he’s made a habit of counting his breaths, considering how kai so easily robs him of them ( as cheesy as it may sound ). it’s practically inevitable, really, the way his eyebrows furrow at the other’s blunt response; there’s an almost knowing gaze that lingers from baekhyun’s peripheral, but the boy decides it’s best to shield it from view, a hand running through his hair before he can do ( or even say ) anything regrettable. when kai looks up at him once more he can’t help but keep his gaze, irises trained onto the other’s too familiar figure before he can even register what the other’d said –– and while baekhyun would’ve usually blamed that on his lack of rest, he wasn’t sleep-deprived enough to know how fake that excuse would’ve been. the nickname is what clings most, though; it wraps around his heart and wrings it dry, chest squeezing up at around the same pace as his throat, and baekhyun has to clear it once, twice before looking up at kai with a sheepish glance, apologetic smile. “you would. – find something to do, you know, you were always –– always pretty good at that.” dating him had taught baek a great deal, after all. “–– work. dad’s got–– stuff at the office, you know, it’s–– it’ll be fun? it’ll be fun.” his shoulders shrug once more, trying, trying, trying not to focus on the way their hands nearly brush against each other with each step, trying to forget how warm and nice and safe it felt for kai’s fingers to interlock with baekhyun’s own. “you, uh–– been seeing anyone, recently?” nice, nice.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #li s ten no more saying ur replies are trash bc they're perfect i could crY #i am going to slap kai wtf

[kaiofc-blog]

‘ accountancy ... of course, yeah, ’ kai nodded in understanding, keenly aware of the awkwardness that seem to loom between the two males; it was heavily due to kai’s complete lack of communication skills, and partly due to a fair amount of unsaid feelings. baekhyun’s offer caught him off guard though he tried his best to hide it behind a curt nod. ‘ are ---- are you sure ? you could be study----- ’ the boy cut himself off as the other began walking, leaving him with no reason to refuse. it wasn’t that he didn’t want to walk alongside baekhyun, because he did; oh god, he did. but his throat felt as if it was closing up at the mere thought. still, he caught up with the other a moment later, trying his damnedest to focus on breathing instead of the other at his side. ‘ am i ... ’ kai started then stopped, faced with the reminder that nothing awaited him during his break other than booze and maybe the occasional joint if we was lucky. he didn’t have any family to go home to, and it only made the time of the year worse for him. ‘ i don’t have anything planned, ’ he answered, surprisingly honest. ‘ but i’m sure i’ll find something to do. ’ or someone, he almost added as an afterthought, but even he knew that it wouldn’t bode well in his current situation. so instead he allowed his gaze to shift to the other walking beside him, thinking it only courteous to return the question. ‘ what about you, baek, got any plans ? ’

( kai. )

“––– right. right right right. philosophy.” as if he could’ve forgotten, the other on his mind so constantly it was as if kai were integral to who he was. softness lingers against his features, shoulders rising and falling in a shrug that mimics his ex-boyfriend’s to a tee as he lets out a quiet, tired sigh. “accountancy finals.” explains baekhyun shortly, “–– but it’s, uh, not for another … hour? two. two hours. let me bring you to class.” the last sentence has him practically halted, but his heart seemingly doesn’t get the memo, as evinced by the way it’s violent against his ribcage. but rather than appear rude and take back the offer baekhyun’s already begun to walk, hoping kai doesn’t catch up quick enough to spot the flush that creeps up on his cheeks. there’s an attempt at nonchalance written across his face as he turns back to face kai with the slowest of smiles quirking up a corner of his mouth. “you, um–– you doing anything? for the break, i mean?”

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #jun is so fukcng rude i ... .. am deleting #drug mention #alcohol mention #jusT in case yanno

[kaiofc-blog]

kai’s gaze averted as soon as the other opened his mouth to speak --- as if something in him knew that would’ve been captured by the way baekhyun’s mouth moved when he spoke, which would’ve left him hanging onto every little syllable, no matter how apparent it was that he was running with whatever words fell from his lips. a smile tugged at a corner of his mouth as his head dipped down, and the laces of his shoes became the most interesting thing to look at. ‘ yeah, usual. ’ kai returned with a nod, gaze finding the other’s face once more. ‘ ah, ’ his head darted to the side as if snapped back into reality, and he could only clear his throat before he gave an answer. ‘ philosophy ... last class before the final next week. ’ wide shoulders lifted themselves into a small shrug, trying to convey that kai hadn’t a care in the world when really ---- anxiety clawed at his throat and a small pain burned in his stomach, which barely contrasted the the dull ache in his temple. ‘ you, uh, have class ? ’ he questioned, brow risen slightly. he had known baekhyun’s schedule, became accustomed to it, but the last thing kai needed was for baekhyun to know he still remembered.

( kai. )

all it takes is one look at the other for him to come undone –– but baekhyun holds his own, watches the way the other’s expression falls back into stoicism without so much as a second thought ( pretending not to care, baek realizes, is actually much more painful than actually caring ). “yeah, usual? usual.” he can only parrot the other’s words back to him dumbly, hand flying to the back of his head as if to rub the nervousness away. “well–– work. school. dance, occasionally, when previously mentioned two aren’t out for my blood, ah– usual. you know.” probably better than anyone, he means to add, but the more awake, more rational side of his brain decides against it. “where, uh–– where you headed?” he can only hope the words come out casually; hope the underlying tones of hey, maybe i’m still in love with you don’t find themselves choking out of his mouth.

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #pleaSE IT WAS PERFECT HUSH #yike s this is lonG I';M SORRY

[kaiofc-blog]

ofbaekhycn

perhaps this is the universe’s way of conspiring against him; he’s a lifeless zombie, at this point, but maybe the worst thing about it is that he isn’t mindless –– in fact, his brain runs at a pace too fast for his own good, and he’s fairly – no, very certain that he’s been reading the same sentence in his textbook over and over again. the bump jolts him slightly awake, and for that baekhyun should be thankful, he supposes –– lack of caffeine would do that to a person, really –– but all sense of simply moving along vanishes, as soon as he catches sight of the person he’d come in contact with, readings nearly falling to the floor. “oh–– um– no? no, it’s a’ight. super fine. like sand. that fine.” he’s tongue tied as eyes meet the boy’s in front of him, and baekhyun tries his best to keep it casual, casual–– “hey, howdy–– what’s, uh, been up with you?” fuck.

his most primal senses caught up to him then, waking him out of his hazy reverie. first it was the familiar scent, then a gathering of the fact that the person he bumped into was just the right height ----- then dark hues settled on the boy, and he could’ve swore that his usual grim expression softened at the sight. he wasn’t off to a good start. ‘ like the ... yeah. ’ he agreed without a second thought, though his expression turned back into its natural state; neutral and perhaps a bit cold. kai couldn’t help the string of curses that ran through the back of his mind, mad at himself that he had forgotten the tactic of avoidance. if only he had turned left at the last corner. ‘ the uh, usual, i guess, ’ small talk. one trick he could never quite grasp; left like a gaping fish searching for words to force from his throat, but only one makes it passed his lips. ‘ you ? ’

#✕ ╎ convos. #ofbaekhycn #li sten there's nothign to forgive bc this was perfect !! #sorry abt this tho lmao