ka-chowder

[ka-chowder]

Cereal boxes. turned 12 today!

Wow 12 years. Havent updated this since med school.

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone

[ka-chowder]

Lang Leav 🖤

[ka-chowder]

I find it comforting to listen to emo/senti songs again. Havent really added any emo songs on my spotify since i started but i guess it just needed the right "push" to download a whole album of it. We're probably not good at goodbyes then coz here we are with these again. On loop. #29 post

[ka-chowder]

Its been a while

Clearly havent been posting in tumblr for more than a year now since i was too busy with medical school. I just want to update this that i am now a licensed physician (insert booze and confetti). I have a lot of free time now so when i get the chance, ill write my supposedly motivating speech and whatever about boards here rather than in facebook since its been weeks from the release of the results so it'll most likely be irrelevant now to most people. Ill be writing it on a different blog post my some number blog post. I guess i'm back. To those who still remained active in tumblr, i would love to hear from you, shoutout, dm, or any reach out would be appreciated.

#medicine #medicalschool #physician #ple2017

[ka-chowder]

Graduating and moving on but why do i feel lost? Seems like nothing is going right. It feels like i shouldn’t be in this kind of situation. Shouldn’t i be enjoying the rest of the days? But why do i feel stuck in this madness of uncertainty. Losing every bit of it. 

[ka-chowder]

If you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart.

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin (via exoticwild)

[ka-chowder]

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it's got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.

Andrew Boyd

[ka-chowder]

Keeping these feelings checked. We cant tell how it'll be. One way or another something or someone will disappoint. May it be the past, present, or the future. No assurances. No guarantees. I dont want to end up feeling humbly stupid after this. Tame it. Keep it checked. #28 post

[ka-chowder]

Having bouts of vulnerability.That longing feeling. Why didn't you warn me of danger? 

#27 post

[ka-chowder]

No more directions from now on. I feel so lost. Abandoned in the vast ocean with nothing to cling. Like the very direction in my life taken from me. #$@%!

26# post

[ka-chowder]

I guess i figured it out. I know at least half of it now. The mere thought of it. The topic it dwelled upon. Only one way to put it. Medicine is suffocating me. There’s just too much of it. It revolves around my life, actually, it is my life whether i like it or not. Hell, I cant talk about anything else. Think about anything else. Maybe a different conversation? Something that will spark the inner core where medicine hasn’t metastasized infiltrated yet. Something else. Anything.

#25 post

[ka-chowder]

The experts in defense conceal themselves as under the ninefold earth; those skilled in attack move as from above the ninefold heavens.  Thus they are capable both of protecting themselves and of gaining a complete victory.

Art of War

[ka-chowder]

Clerkship 2015

And so it begins....

[ka-chowder]

Always know your enemy’s disposition

[ka-chowder]

GRATEFUL. THANKFUL. BLESSED

#24 post

[ka-chowder]

Thank you God! I know its a bit late but I will forever be grateful. A year of exams for clerkship and 5 days of pain for seminar 2. Blessed. 

[ka-chowder]

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

Cheryl Strayed // Tiny Beautiful Things  (via curvygirl-prep)