journal-of-an-apparition-blog

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“A person wearing headphones and/or avoiding eye-contact when you are talking isnt necessarily ‘rude’. That person may be autistic and most probably finds it easier to listen like that! Please respect their sensory needs!”

Just a quick PSA. 

I’m feeling a lot less pissed off at neurotypicals today so that calls for less angry art. 

Avoiding eye contact and wearing headphones all the time is often perceived by neurotypical people as a rather rude gesture. This is unfortunate and is something that really has to be unlearnt for the benefit of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people who do these things. 

Autistic people (as well as some other neurodivergent people) avoid eye contact because the experience ranges from uncomfortable and mildly distressing to very painful and upsetting. Avoiding eye contact is much more comfortable and natural for a lot of us and makes us feel a bit more at ease interacting with people and the world in general. (I will add though that not all autistic people avoid eye contact but enough of us do that it needs to be respected. If you meet a person who says they are autistic but are able to make eye contact yes they are still autistic.)

Forcing an autistic person to make eye contact with you is not only incredibly rude and insensitive, but it is also an act of ableism. You are in no way entitled to force anyone to make eye contact with you. Please respect autistic and otherwise neurodivergent peoples need to avoid eye contact. 

Wearing headphones all the time is something a lot of autistic people and people with sensory processing disorder do to avoid sensory overload and meltdowns that can be caused by loud noises or too many noises at once. It is important to remember that our hearing can be more sensitive than yours so what we perceive as loud might not seem that loud to you but that doesnt change the fact that it may still be painful to us. 

If an autistic person wears headphones while interacting with you they are not being rude, they are avoiding pain, sensory overload and potential meltdowns. Please respect this. If you try to force an autistic person to remove their headphones you are being rude and insensitive and being very ableist. 

That is all for now, unless I have forgotten something. Thank you. 

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You will be very, very sorry…. Forever.

Gotham Adventures #26

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someone: Why are you so obsessed with monsters anyway?

me, internally: I have always an intense identification with non-human creatures. They help me with self-identification. They're allowed to stray from typical beauty standards, which appeals to me, and they are allowed to be gender nonconforming, not to mention not have any gender at all. Typically "ugly" parts are turned into wonderful and handsome or beautiful form. Monsters are a really interesting way for me to accept both myself and my own standards of beauty.

me, out loud: they sometimes have multiple arms and muscles and are hot

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It’s funny how neurotypicals keep talking about how autistic people lack empathy while they’re simultaneously so unable to empathize with us that they’re having trouble comprehending that we are human beings with our own thoughts, feelings and experiences and when they therefore can’t see why abusing us into doing what they want or even killing us would be wrong. 

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When you silence an autistic person’s stimming and punish them for having meltdowns/shutdowns...

…it’s the same thing as forcing someone to drink syrup of Ipecac, denying them a toilet or bucket to puke in and then punishing them when they throw up on the floor.

You put them in a situation that triggers something unpleasant to happen. You deny them a way to cope with it quietly. Then you hurt or scare them because they have an uncontrollable response to the situation they are put in.

You know what that is?

ABUSE.

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So I don’t know whether to be amused or disturbed by the fact that Agnes’s relationship with Vlad in Carpe Jugulum reads like an incredibly detailed, incredibly scathing deconstruction of Twilight in spite of the fact that it was written nearly a decade earlier.

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Out for repairs.

My glasses broke. More specifically, I broke my glasses. I rolled over onto them in my groggy state. I managed to get the lens back into place, but had to send them in to have the temple reattached. I can’t see and it is very frustrating. Additionally I have grown accustomed to having them on me at all times when not sleeping, to not wear them while awake is somehow a sensory hell that is hard to properly describe. It is like growing accustomed to a low hum over a long period of time and then hearing silence. Its a deafening lack of something that should be there and it’s putting me on edge.

They’ll be home soon hopefully.

There is no specific purpose to this post, it is merely being made because no one is awake for me to tell this to.

Consider me a ghost. blind.

#Glasses problems #vision impairment

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New ‘myVoice’ project for autistic young people

The UK autism charity ‘Ambitious about Autism’ has recently launched a new project called ‘myVoice’ which is targeted at autistic people aged 16-25. The project is designed to help young autistic people to transition from school to the next stage of their life and hopes to make higher education and workplaces more accessible by asking young autistic people what changes they would like to see. It is partly funded by the Department of Health of the UK government. 

The new myVoice YouTube channel contains videos with tips and advice from young autistic people for young autistic people on various topics such as university, work, friendships and self esteem. 

If you’re autistic and aged 16-15 (and probably unfortunately only if you live in the UK) then you can volunteer with myVoice to help produce online content and, in some parts of the UK, help make local facilities more accessible by working with the local authority in your area. You can sign up for more information here, find out about different roles here and watch the short video about it below:

The myVoice website contains lots of information, articles and advice written by autistic people and I’d really recommend it to anyone aged 16-15 who is autistic. 

As an autistic person in this age bracket I’m really excited for this project. By listening to and working with actually autistic people as well as most of the articles and content being produced by us, I think it has the potential to be really great and I’m hoping to get involved with the volunteer scheme. 

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The most honest do not enter sign of all time

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“My four-year-old Wyatt is an amazing problem solver. He can look at an obstacle or game and see how to succeed in minutes. Wyatt often shows me easier or more efficient ways of doing things. Many professionals have said he thinks like an engineer! Wyatt’s “symptoms” are some of our absolute favorite qualities about him. We’re especially proud of the progress he’s made during mealtimes. He hasn’t always been a food lover and has had two years of occupational therapy to help him try new foods. Now he’s gained weight and eats four meals a day—especially his favorite, pizza! His father and I are proud to be his parents and we see an amazingly bright future ahead of him.”

Let’s build understanding around autism by celebrating the greatness of all children. Join the #SeeAmazing campaign by sharing your story, and find more ways to get involved at sesamestreet.org/autism.

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if “history repeats itself”

then who’s gonna be the next idiot to try and invade russia during winter

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What people think of when you say ‘the autism spectrum’:

What the spectrum actually looks like:

The black and white dots represent a random autistic person’s particular combination of abilities on any given day. Everything is really convoluted and blurred because all of those major groups I put on there kind of bleed into one another at times. And none of these points are necessarily negative.

Point is, the spectrum is not a line on which a person is born onto and remains at a certain position. It is a complex group of abilities and issues which change for every autistic person, every day, multiple times per day, depending on the situation they’re in. There is no such thing as ‘mild autism’ or ‘high-functioning’ autism, and those labels are actually inherently ableist.

(Also please note that all instances of ‘normal/correct/incorrect’ are to be taken with a grain of salt as what neurotypicals consider to be ‘normal’ is often a very narrow amount of what they consider to be ‘acceptable’ interactions or behaviours)

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Anxiety And Depression Together

Anxiety: *banging pots and pans together* GET UP! HURRY! DO IT! WE’RE IN DANGER! GET IT DONE NOW!

Depression: *lethargic* I hear you. I agree, but… I’m so tired, I wouldn’t even be able run away from danger if danger showed up because I didn’t do the thing that I didn’t do because I have no energy to do it. Anxiety: *banging pots and pans together* GET UP! HURRY! PEOPLE WILL GET MAD AT US! DO IT NOW! Depression: I don’t care. Let it happen. We deserve to be punished. Anxiety: NOOOO! WORST IDEA EVER!

inside your head for hours at a time

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ok but why is ‘potato’ always used negatively in phrases? ‘couch potato’ and ‘he looks like a potato’……… what the hell have potatoes ever done to you? potatos are the mvps of the food world, the backbone of many dishes. they never let u down. potatoes are the real winners here and we should feel honoured to be described as one

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A Disconnect

There is a disconnect between the physical action and concept of that action in my mind in many areas. It is confusing, making me think I want something until I experience it.

I think I want a hug, I want the concept of a hug. Something warm, loving, affectionate, protective, caring. Actual hugs thus far have rarely even been comparable to this concept and are often used as manipulative tactics in my experience by family members wishing to express a level of control. “Won’t you give your poor aunt/uncle/step mother/etc. a hug?”

Cake, cake is another example, or rather the eating of it. In the mind it sounds ideal. Something sweet, delicious, celebratory. Physically all I can do is find everything wrong with it at the time. My knowledge of the proper manner in which a culinary preparation is to be made ruins my enjoyment of anything imperfect or lesser than something I have had before. I might note that the icing is too sweet in comparison to the cake, or that the cake itself is overcooked to the point of being tough and dry.

I believe this comes down to expectations in comparison to reality. 

I have often been told to temper my expectations.

I have done so greatly.

Still others tell me to bring them lower.

I am unwilling to do so.

I will shape the small parts of the world I have some measure of control over until they meet my expectations.

I will have no traffic with those who wish to manipulate me for gains.

Even outside of this determination I am physically sickened if I eat a meal of standards lower than those I could prepare. Its not just finickiness on my part, if a meal is below what I am capable of cooking in the same vein, it may as well be refuse on my plate. I cannot stand overcooked pasta, meats overcooked and under seasoned.

There seems to be a very true stereotype within my own race of the desire to cook food with no source of seasoning or flavor. Baked chicken served with nothing to season it, boiled vegetables, or worse simply reheated canned goods served with a smile and pride.

I am making myself hungry, so for now

Consider me a ghost.

#cooking #food mention #culinary arts #expectations and reality #family