jediknightgoofball

[jediknightgoofball]

Daredevil characters as text posts...

okayyyy that's all I could put in one post anyways... stay gaslighting hoes 🤍🤍... maybe I'll do a part 2... idk...

[jediknightgoofball]

Matt Murdock and friends + text posts (and other stuff) pt7 (masterlist)

[jediknightgoofball]

You Won’t BELIEVE How Many Em-Dashes Local Writer Can Squeeze Into One 5K Word Fic

[jediknightgoofball]

Chocolates and Champagne

Chocolates and Champagne

Poe Dameron X F!Reader

Wordcount: 10,800 (ish)

Rating: 18+ / E

Warnings: Fluff, NSFW, Explicit, smut, yearning,  jealousy (just a little), language, grinding, making out, lovebites, oral f-receiving, PIV, cockwarming, praise kink if you squint, alcohol, food, gambling, idiots in love.

Summary: One night, one last mission, and then you can go back to avoiding Poe Dameron. But when has he ever made things easy for you?

-----

"You do remember we are here on a mission, right?" You remind him, as Poe leans back, one arm on the back of the chair, the other on the table in front of you, his fingers tracing slow semi-circles around the base of his champagne glass. You try not to stare at him, looking so perfectly at home in his navy blue dress shirt, unbuttoned just far enough to be distracting.

"Technically, our mission ended as soon as the dinner did," he shrugs, giving you a bright grin. "You remember how to have fun, right? How about….I'll bet that jacket you like? Come on. One tiny bet! We used to do this all the time!"

Nine months since the last time you’d been on the first mission with the pilot. Four months since you’d returned home, barely making it out alive. Four long months of pretending like this could be completely fine — That you could just be friends. Four months of burying your feelings so deep down it felt like you'd dug a hole straight through your heart, and out the other side. A hole that ached with a resonating emptiness at the loss of what could have been. 

You reasoned with yourself that everything had been magnified. You hadn't known Poe well before, just well enough to hold a polite conversation. But stuck undercover with only the two of you, far from home for months with no communications, you'd become close. Friends first, then for a fleeting moment it seemed there was the possibility of something more, before it was gone. 

Every look, every touch, had held so much more promise than it would normally — until the day it didn't, until the day you had to let him go because you weren't the one. It shouldn't have been a surprise — stress, fear, death, loneliness, anyone would cling onto whatever shred of happiness they found in that place. You didn't blame him for that. Still, it hadn't stopped hurting and at least you knew on your side, the feelings had been real. Perhaps that was worse.

You had avoided spending any extended amount of time with the pilot where you could help it. Spending four months practically avoiding him at all costs, and now you're stuck here, alone, with him, all night. For the millionth time you cursed yourself for not listening to the briefing and blindly saying yes to this mission. All because the stupid kriffing idiot opposite you, with his unbuttoned shirt and never stopping fingers, had accidentally brushed his leg against yours, entirely distracting you from anything that had been said, causing you to blindly agree when asked about a mission. It felt like the universe was punishing you for avoiding him.

All you had to do was get through the dinner. Just one dinner to gather information, request support, and then in the morning you could leave and go back to avoiding him. Except somewhere along the line, and probably one too many glasses of champagne, Poe had decided rather than quietly going back to your separate rooms you should enjoy the down time in the casino. And you agreed. 

Really, you only have yourself to blame.

"Bet your X-Wing and I might be interested," you shrug throwing back the rest of your champagne, listening to the lively music and the cheers as the games go on around you, trying to put him off this stupid idea of any sort of bet between you, least of all one that involved you having to win anything. Normally you wouldn't have minded a bit of fun, but you were terrible at games and Poe knew that, which meant he wanted something from you, and he knew exactly how to get it. The question was what?

Poe scoffs and gives you an incredulous look at your suggestion. 

"I'm not drunk enough to go betting my ship. At least not yet." He looks thoughtful for a moment, sipping his champagne and scrunching up his nose in the most adorable way at the taste. You remember all too well how little he likes it. Tearing your eyes from him, you stare down at your empty glass, the hole in your chest aching painfully.

"Hmm, how about I sweeten the deal and add four chocolate bars?" He grins proudly at his pun as you draw your eyes back to him, frowning.

"And where are you getting those from?" You fix him with a suspicious look. Chocolate was a rare commodity in general, let alone from resistance fighters who mainly lived on rations.  

"In my ship," he shrugs, as though it's the simplest answer in the world. Taking in the look of confusion on your face he grins. "I get hungry when I'm flying." 

"Do you know how kriffin hard it is to get chocolate these days and you're flying around with four bars of it?" Rolling your eyes you shake your head. "I forgot that you're a huge liability."

"Come on, four chocolate bars and my jacket if you can win more chips than me!"

Another refusal is on the tip of your tongue, but his hopeful grin does make you pause for a moment considering his offer. It's not like you had anything else to do, and despite the fact your hollow heart aches, you can't deny that spending time with him brings a light to your life that had long since been dimmed. It was too easy with Poe, to fall into the way things had been before. Everything has always been too easy with him. And that's always been the problem.

"Fine, four bars of chocolate, your jacket and your X-Wing or no deal." 

He doesn't answer but gives you a look that lets you know you're getting nowhere. 

You pause for a moment, a plan forming. Leaning back in your chair you give him a mocking smile and a tilt of your head. The problem with being stuck with him for so long was that you knew him well enough now, well enough to know how to get at him. 

"Wow, I never would have guessed that feared resistance fighter, Poe Dameron, is actually scared he might lose against me of all people? I can't wait to tell everyone back home!” You laugh. Poe’s jaw clenches and you know you have him then. He's too competitive for his own good sometimes. 

"You know what. Fine. Four chocolate bars, my jacket and my X-Wing." He sits back, folding his arms, as stubborn as you expect him to be. It takes a fight, but you manage to keep the grin of victory off your lips. 

"So, what do you want from me if you win?"

"I'll tell you when I win." There’s a flicker of something behind his eyes, the quirk of a smug smile on his lips, a mischievousness that makes you distrust him. It's a look that sends heat snaking through your veins, and not for the first time tonight you wish you could kiss him. You push the thought down deep into the hole in your chest. He wasn’t yours and you couldn't allow yourself to start thinking that way again. 

"You want me to just agree to anything?" The look you give him mirrors his earlier expression when you asked him to bet the X-wing. Does he take you for a fool?

"Scared?" 

That irks you and you grit your teeth. You weren't going to let him sit there smuggly all night making comments about you not wanting to go against him. What's the worst he could do anyway? Nothing that hadn't happened already. 

"Fine. Deal. We meet back here in two hours and whoever gets the most chips wins. Better go say goodbye to your ship." You get up and walk around the table, pausing behind him to turn and whisper in his ear. "Don't worry though... I'll only trade her in for scrap." The look on his face is the most satisfying thing you've seen so far all night and you can't wait to see what he looks like when he loses. 

~ 

"51," Poe puts the chips down on the table. Your heart leaps as you finger your own chips, knowing the outcome now. You can't help noticing he seems quieter than earlier, but you shrug it off, assuming it's because he's somewhat concerned about the bet. Which, it turns out, he's right to be. 

"Oh no! I guess you'll be flying my ship home since I'll be taking your X wing. 58." You tip your own chips down onto the table and watch the range of emotions flicker over his face. 

"W-what. No way. Recount them," He demands, making your grin widen even more. 

"I counted right, Dameron. It's not like it's a big number. If you want to count them yourself, be my guest. It's not my fault you were a cocky bastard."

He clenches his jaw as you smile sweetly at him, enjoying the moment. 

"Well, I think only half of yours count. You had help. I saw you — flirting and playing games with the guy at the bar. He helped you win so I'm not counting them."

You raise your eyebrows at him. You'd noticed him watching you the odd few times. You assumed he was just checking how you were doing, but Poe seemed to have more of an issue with your strategy.

The man in question had offered to buy you a drink at the bar, one which you'd politely declined, but you'd gotten talking anyway, although the conversation had been mainly about your terrible luck at games and the fact he seemed to think Poe looked at you with an adoration you couldn't see. 

"He's always looked at me like that? I think that's just the way he looks. Honestly, we are just friends," you'd laughed with a shake of your head. 

"Trust me." He'd grinned, leaning in to nudge his shoulder against yours, "No man looks at a friend like that " 

You'd scoffed at that and shaken your head, glancing over at Poe, who had looked away from you quickly with a frown. 

"Yeah, I wish," you'd sighed. 

"His name is Brelan, and yes he taught me some of the games so I knew how to play, but I found out I'm actually not terrible at them. Well… he might have helped me out a little bit sometimes. Besides it's not like you established rules for this, so you only have yourself to blame," you grin at him but Poe frowns back at you with his arms folded. "I won the bet and I made a friend so I guess I won twice!"  

You're purposely teasing now, pressing his buttons just for fun. Because he looks so annoyed about it that you can't help it. You know he'll break into a grin eventually, shake his head at you and tell you he's not honouring the bet. You've been here before with him.

"Oh, well I'm glad for you." There's something in his voice that makes you pause. His normally easy tone is laced with a harder edge as he throws back the rest of his drink. 

"What's it matter how I won them anyway?" 

"It matters." He's so blunt it takes you off guard, giving you a jolt of hurt. Folding your arms you stare at him, waiting for an explanation but he looks away from you. 

"Poe, is this because you bet your X-Wing because you know I'm not going to take that right? Not that I had any notion you'd give it up anyway."

He doesn't respond, instead looking out over the floor and evidently pretending he hasn't heard you. Your chest aches with the sudden change of the situation. 

"When did we stop having fun? Why are you suddenly so annoyed?" You sigh, finishing your own drink as you watch him, debating how best to fix this.

"I'm not annoyed." Except, he sounds annoyed. Whatever is wrong with him you can see him biting it down as it tries to claw to the surface, the tension in his jaw all too clear. 

"Poe, are you sulking?" You tease, convinced this must be because he's lost. You nudge his leg with your foot under the table when he doesn't answer. He continues to ignore you staring out across the casino. 

Playfully you nudge your foot slowly up his leg trying to get his attention. 

"Commander Dameron," You tease in a sing-song voice. You get just above his knee before his hands grab your ankle holding you in place as he turns back to you. Maker, the look in his eyes sends a jolt straight through you. His expression is hard and unreadable, filled with an emotion you aren't sure of.

The hollow ache in your chest pulses painfully and you wish you could take your actions back, silently cursing yourself for having one last drink, causing your playfulness to tip into the exact things you had been trying to avoid. It was stupid of you to think you could go back to how things used to be.

"Tell me what upset you so much. Is it just because you lost?" Tilting your head you watch him, sad that it seems the evening will end this way. As much as it had hurt, you had been having fun with him.

"No, it's not. I just… nothing is wrong," he sighs softly, fingers wrapped around your ankle, his thumb gently stroking the skin of your calf. There's a long quiet moment between you and the feelings long since buried deep, come sharply to the surface, making your chest constrict. Suddenly he lets you go and drops your foot to the floor, allowing you to breathe again.  

Scrambling for words to fill the awkward silence you shake your head at him, "Stars Poe, what is with you tonight? I’m just having some fun."

"Well I'm glad you're having fun. At least one of us is!" The moment the words are out of his mouth a guilty look overtakes his features. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired and snappy." He gets up suddenly, making you frown, unable to answer him quickly enough before he carries on speaking. "I'll see you in the morning."

He's gone before you have a chance to stop him, striding out the door of the casino. Jumping to your own feet you go after him, a combination of annoyance and worry fueling your steps. 

"Poe! Poe, slow down, I can't walk as fast as you in these shoes!" It takes you a minute between your shoes and the alcohol which suddenly decides to unbalance you, but you finally catch up with him in the corridor, grabbing his wrist to stop him. He pauses, but doesnt turn to face you, and so you step around him, letting go of his wrist to fold your arms over your chest. 

"Tell me right now what's going on with you. Something's happened. What is it? What's wrong?" 

He lets out a long sigh, running his hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling while you wait. When he finally looks back at you his eyes are pleading. 

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's been a long day and I've probably had too much to drink. I’m just tired. I’m fine really, just go enjoy the rest of your night. Let me go get some sleep.” 

"I don't want to go back there without you though." Unfolding your arms, you study him, the feeling that something is wrong still heavy in your stomach. Poe gives you an almost sad look, which does nothing to help your growing anxiety at his sudden change in mood. Maker, all you want is to throw your arms around him and fix whatever is wrong.

"I'm sure you won't miss me. You have other friends now." There's the tone in his voice you can't quite pinpoint again. It has an edge of something sharp that you don't like. 

"Poe… if I didn't know better I'd say you might be a little bit...jealous?" You're half teasing, because of course he wouldn't be jealous. He didn't have the same feelings for you. You’d established that months ago. You know better, right? 

Poe's face remains serious, not even a glimmer of a smile on his lips.

"Come on, cheer up. Why do you want to end the night so suddenly? It was your idea to come here." 

"Because," he pauses, letting out a heavy sigh and throwing his hands over his face with a groan  "I don't want to sit and watch you flirt with someone else. Haven't you noticed? Haven't you figured it out yet?"

He drops his hands and when his eyes meet yours once more they are begging you to leave this line of questioning alone, but you can't. Not when he's like this. Not when he's clearly hurting. 

Frowning you shake your head and take a step forward to him, your gut churning with the spark of a realisation, with possibility, with hope. No, you couldn't let yourself think like that again. To have your heart broken once was more than enough. You hadn't come this far to let it happen all over again. You wouldn't let yourself hope for that. You wouldn't let yourself be drawn in again.

"I don't — please tell me what's going on, Poe."

He steps forward to meet you, his hands coming up to frame your face, his thumbs brushing your cheeks gently as his eyes flicker between yours. He breathes your name and the hollow in your chest aches painfully with the soft way his tongue rolls over it. But the feeling it gives you is nothing compared to what he does next. 

"You know, you have to know," He sighs, leaning his forehead against yours. 

"Poe?" You question again softly, teriffied of the meaning behind his words. He lifts his head but he doesn't answer you, at least not with words. Instead, he leans forward and presses his lips to yours. 

The ache in your chest flares painfully, so much so that you take a step back, raising a hand to cover your heart, fearing it may rip out your chest. You go to speak but the words dry up as Poe's eyes go wide, suddenly panicked, the colour draining from his face. He pulls away from you, stepping back as he drops his hands to his sides.

"Poe…" you start gently, reaching out for him but he shakes his head, stepping back further, out of your reach.  

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. Too much champagne. This was a mistake. Just forget it. Please. Just forget about this whole thing." He barely looks at you before he turns on his heel and strides off down the corridor. In your shock you let him go, your lips tingling from the brush of his, the taste of lingering champagne the last thing he leaves you with. 

By the time you can react, hot tears stinging your eyes, he's already too far gone to hear the words you confess, for the first time since you buried them so long ago. They echo in the hollow of your chest. 

"Poe, I'm in love with you."

But he’s too far gone to hear you. 

~

You lay awake in the darkness, the press of his lips on yours playing over and over in your mind as the minutes tick by. Heat prickles against your skin, your heart fluttering against your ribcage. It's impossible to push the thought of him away now.

Sighing in defeat, knowing there is no way to sleep, you swing your legs off the bed and get up, listening to the bed creak as you move. You pace across the room, desperate to feel the floor beneath your feet to ground you, nervous energy coursing through your veins pushing you to move. 

After you’d given it some time, for both of you to process everything, you had repeatedly knocked on his door, shouting for him to let you in, but there hadn't been any answer, and in the end, you'd given up, asking him to come to you when he was ready to talk.

You had hoped he would come to his senses and come find you, but there was no knock on your door, no beep of comms, just complete, sudden silence. A silence that hurt. 

Too many emotions claw at your throat, and your heart beats wildly against your chest. The room is too small, too warm, suffocating you until you're almost choking for breath. 

Throwing on your clothes and jacket, you wrench open the door and step out into the quiet hotel corridor, following the soft lull of jingles and cheers towards the casino, past them and then down onto the streets, heading towards the beach. 

Even with the calming soft noise of the waves lapping against the sand, and the deep lungfuls of fresh air, your mind reels. Everything feels too much. The hollow ache you've carried for so many months, suddenly full of something else — hope, fear, anger, love. It constricts your chest, making it hard to take a full breath.  You throw yourself down on the sand, running your fingers through the coarse grains, trying to ground yourself. 

Part of you is angry with him. Angry for telling you the way he did, angry for daring to be jealous when he had no right, angry that he's suddenly shut you out. The other part reasons that you're just as much to blame. You'd never dared to voice your feelings to him either. Curling your knees up to your chest you watch the waves, glittering in the neon lights from the town, trying to settle your thoughts as they roll and crash.  

You have no idea how long you’ve been sitting before a movement, and the cast of a shadow against the dimly lit beach catches the corner of your eye. Turning your head you watch Poe making his way towards you, his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets, still in his clothes from dinner. He comes to a stop a few paces away from you, a deep frown etched on his features. A sharp splinter of pain cuts through your chest and you have to rip your gaze away from him as tears sting your eyes, emotions still running too high. 

"I saw you from my balcony. Why are you down here? Are you alright because if that guy hurt you I swear I'll rip his-" he growls.

"I'm fine!" You cut him off, shaking your head, keeping your gaze on your own shoes, trying to keep your voice as level as you can. "Nobody did anything to me. I just… can't sleep." 

"Oh, me either." 

A moment of silence stretches out between you, filled only by the sound of breathing, the lap of the ocean against the shore, and the distant laughter of casino guests. You can see his boots out of the corner of your vision and when he makes no move to leave, you sigh. 

"Sit down, Poe, you're making me nervous standing over me." 

"Sorry," he mumbles, throwing himself down onto the sand beside you, close enough to feel his warmth but far enough that he's not touching you. 

Another long quiet moment passes before he finally speaks again, quietly mumbling as though more to himself than to you. 

"I'm sorry for what I did earlier. I fucked up. I shouldn't have kissed you and I'm sorry." Poe sighs and from the corner of your eye you can see him run a hand through his hair, staring out across the ocean. 

“Poe-” You sigh gently, taking a breath in preparation to tell him everything. 

He continues as though he hasn’t heard you, rambling quickly in an attempt to stop you before you speak. 

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I just…I wish… I wanted…" He lets out a frustrated growl at himself before he takes a deep breath. "Can we just pretend it didn't happen? I really don't want to make things awkward for you. And you know if you like that guy don't…don't worry about me, okay? You should go for it he was-"

“POE!” You yell in frustration to shut him up. His eyes go wide and he stutters to a stop. “Kriff! Shut up for one second. I’m not interested in anyone!" You yell before you groan, leaning your head back to look at the stars, your voice softening. "We were just talking and playing games, nothing else. He was talking to me about you actually, about how much he was surprised we weren't a couple. We talked, and I explained the bet, and he helped me win so I felt better because I couldn't have you, and I was miserable about it."

"Oh. Oh." Poe's eyes go wide as the words sink in, becoming suddenly deeply interested in digging the toe of his boots into the sand, evidently embarrassed by his recent behaviour. 

You want to be angry, but you're not, you want to call him an idiot, but you know you both are. You want to tell him that all you think about is him, and nobody else could compare, so why would you settle for anything less, but no matter what you want to say you can't seem to find words to fill the gaping silence that suddenly stretches out between you.

“Sorry." His apology is so soft it's almost lost among the sound of the waves crashing against the sand. It sends pain shooting through you, hurting because he’s hurting. 

Giving a soft sigh you shake your head again. "I wanted to explain to you earlier, to talk to you, but you wouldn't answer your door."

"I'm sorry I just -"

Raising your hand you cover his mouth desperately, needing him to shut up for just a moment. 

"Please just stop saying sorry. Just, let me explain." 

Poe blinks in acknowledgement, and you slowly lower your hand. 

"I'm in love with you." In a flash your hand is back over his mouth the second he opens it, a warning in your eyes. "No. Let me get this out," you warn, his breath warm against your hand. He nods for you to continue but you keep your hand over his mouth, not trusting him a second time. 

"When we were away, I felt like...like I found a missing piece of me, in you. Spending time with you was the most fun I've ever had, but not just that. I felt like my life was whole, like I was whole. I'd never been happier, right until the whole mission went…went wrong…and then things just...changed." You struggle to get the words out, the echoes of screams still too fresh in your mind. Finally dropping your hand from his mouth, deciding he will be quiet now, you fold them over your chest, looking out across the ocean. 

"I fell so hard for you, and there was a time I thought you might have felt something too but, I don't know. It never seemed to be the right time to think about it. Then I overheard you on the way back, telling someone about this amazing girl that you had to make it home for because you were going to tell her you were in love with her. Said you'd make it back just for her."

Poe lets out a long breath, "you never told me you heard that."

"Why would I? Finding out you had someone back home broke my heart. I couldn't understand it so I assumed maybe I saw things that weren't there. Maybe you were just being friendly and I misinterpreted things. I felt like a fool."

Your chest constricts painfully at the memory, the hollow ache clawing a bigger hole inside you as tears sting your eyes. 

"You need to tell me now if there's still someone else. You can't just go around kissing people and then asking them to pretend it didn't happen," you snap, the words catching in your throat.

"There was never anyone else," Poe replies firmly. "Maker, I wish I'd talked to you about this sooner. I had no idea this was why you suddenly pulled away from me. Look at me," he implores gently. You shake your head, unwilling to move and see the pity in his eyes. He probably thought you were pathetic, still being upset for a crush that was months ago.

He hooks a finger under your chin, lifting your head and turning you to face him. You're surprised to find him regarding you sadly, but not with pity you expected. 

Releasing your chin he lifts his hand to cup your cheek, running his thumb softly over your skin. He watches you for a long quiet moment before he drops his hand, wrapping it around one of yours as he holds your gaze steadily. 

"It was never a good time to bring up how I felt. The mission was our priority and then just getting out alive. I thought we could discuss it when we got home, but as soon as we landed you started to shut me out. I knew things were hard for you, I knew you were processing everything that happened, so I just backed off a little bit. I thought being around me must have reminded you of bad memories from there, and I thought you just wanted to be friends and I was ok with that, for a while," he pauses, looking out across the ocean. "Seeing you with someone else just reminded me how much I still love you. I'm just sorry it came out the way it did."

He turns back to you and squeezes your hand as you bite your lip, using the sharp pain to hold back the tears building behind your eyes. 

"You were the girl we had to make it home for. You were the one I was in love with, am in love with." He confesses softly.

Your heart breaks and suddenly everything seems so starkly clear and you can see just how foolish you've been. You had thought you were saving yourself from a world of pain, letting him move on with his life, but all that had been done was hurting you both even more.

"I'm so sorry," you whisper, your voice breaking with long buried emotions and a deep set guilt, that turns your stomach.

"Hey, no, don't get upset. We've both been stupid about this," he reassures you, pulling you into his arms and cuddling you tightly. He presses a soft kiss against your temple and that's all it takes for the tears to finally break free. He shushes you gently as he squeezes you hard against him, mumbling soft words of reassurance against your hair. 

"This is all my fault," you sniff against his shoulder. Poe pulls back from you, letting you go just far enough that he can sit back to look at you, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks. 

"No, it isn't. I could have talked to you but I didn't. We both could have done something but we got caught up in our own heads. Maybe it just means we deserve each other?" He asks, giving you a soft smile. 

"Yeah, I guess so," you mumble, unable to meet his gaze. He pulls you back into his arms, quietly cuddling you against his warm chest as he allows you to work through your emotions. The guilt, the sadness, the hope and love mix and churn in your stomach. Poe holds you tightly through it, his arms anchoring you to the ground and reassuring you. 

You know the feelings won't be fixed in one night, that it will take time to untangle everything in your head, for the feeling of loss to fully dissipate, but here in his arms for a moment you could almost forget about it all. He had loved you, then and now. There was hope still after all. 

"You know we could just forget about all of this?" He asks after a while, breaking the silence that has been so far only disturbed by the crashing waves, and the odd bout of laughter from further up the beach. You hum in question, waiting for him to explain. "We could pretend we just got back?"

"Wouldn't be the owner of a custom X-Wing then would I though?" You tease quietly. 

He laughs as you pull back to give him a shaky smile, catching the way he rolls his eyes skyward before they come back to you. 

"Maybe I could swap it? Give you something else?"

"What could you possibly offer me that’s the same value as a starfighter?” Instead of answering your question, he shows you, leaning forward and tentatively brushing his lips against yours. A fleeting touch that sets your heart racing all over again. He pulls back, checking your reaction. 

“Something like that?” He offers, with an almost shy smile. 

“Yeah, yep, something like that will do.” It's barely a whisper but he catches it. You can tell he does by the grin that lights up his features.

Bringing his lips back to yours he kisses you properly this time, his hand coming up to rest against the side of your neck, holding you to him as his lips get familiar with yours. 

His kiss is firm but slow, his tongue carefully probing at your bottom lip, requesting access you're only too happy to grant. He tilts his head as he deepens the kiss, holding you to him as his tongue slips delicately against yours. Bringing your hands up you tangle them in his soft curls, drawing a soft moan from the pilot. 

"I can't believe you thought I was going home to someone else," he complains against your mouth as he gives you a moment to catch your breath.

"It was a long day!" You defend yourself, feeling the wrench in your gut, dropping your hands and turning away from him in embarrassment. 

"I'm only teasing," he reassures you softly, pressing a kiss under your ear. "I just mean I don't understand how you ever thought anyone would compare to you."

"Because," you sigh, looking anywhere but at the pilot. "You're Poe Dameron." 

His reaction is instantaneous. He sits back, suddenly bursting into laughter that seems far too loud given the peacefulness of the beach. 

"Well last I checked I am, but I don't see what that has to do with anything?" He giggles, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he sighs affectionately. "Don't ever think you are less than anyone else. To me, you are always, and will always, be more."

The sincerity in his words makes your heart throb with tenderness and a stark reminder of just why you fell in love with him in the first place. 

"So, are we going back to kissing now?" He grins cheekily with a raise of his eyebrow. Some of the guilt and sadness disappears as you pull his lips to yours, easily melting back into his kisses. 

As his tongue slips back between your teeth fireworks explode over your head from the town, the cheers of guests floating down to you. You want to make a joke about how it's far too much like the terrible holo romances he forced you to watch months ago, but you barely register it once Poe presses you back to lie in the sand, slotting himself between your legs as his kisses take on a more passionate edge. 

One of your hands slides back through his hair as the other creeps down to explore the planes of his back, allowing your fingers to follow a path you've only dared to dream of before. Poe's hands seem to be on a similar journey, one propping his full weight off of you in the sand, the other slipping under the edge of your shirt to explore your bare skin. 

He smirks at the soft moan you let escape as he tugs your bottom lip lightly between his teeth. Somewhat in revenge, and to wipe that look off his face, you roll your hips up against him, pressing your core against the hardening arousal in his pants. Poe's eyes go momentarily wide, a stuttered moan escaping from his lips before he drops his head to your neck, grinding down on you as you shudder with need. 

His fingers slip higher under your shirt, tracing over the fabric of your bra as he places feather light kisses down your neck. You let out another moan, gripping his shirt as he rolls his restricted length against your clothed clit. Maker, you need to stop before you both get carried away but the sensible side of your brain seems to have packed up and left on vacation. Lust has taken up residence and she has no issues with the pilot bearing down on you in semi-public.

You tilt your head to give him better access to your neck, each sweep of his lips and tongue sending fire through your veins. Your hands slip under his shirt, tracing across the hard muscle of his abdomen, fingers hooking into the edge of his trousers. 

"Stay with me tonight?" He whispers breathlessly in your ear, pressing his body against yours, "Let me hold you, let me touch you, let me show you how much I love you."

"Yes," you breathe, "I want that. I want you." 

He groans as he captures your lips in a bruising kiss, his hips jolting against yours and sending frizzions of pleasure across your nerves. 

"Fuck, baby, we gotta go inside before I get carried away here," he pants, leaning his forehead on yours. You grin at him and he lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. "No, I know that look! Don't tempt me."

You suppress a pout as he kneels up, looking down at you with kiss swollen lips and hooded eyes. Stars, it takes every bit of willpower you have not to drag him right back into the sand with you. 

"Come on beautiful," he smiles, "let's get you to bed."

~

Stepping into Poe’s room you take in the mess he's managed to make of it in such a short space of time. The sheets are already half thrown off the bed, his clothes strewn around, and looking over the table you see the empty wrappers and half eaten chocolate bars. Letting go of the hand he's had clasped in yours since you left the beach, you turn to face him, folding your arms.

"You've been eating my winnings? I expected you to be a man of honour!" You huff, trying to give him an unimpressed glare. Poe gives you a small smile and a sheepish shrug. 

Rolling your eyes you kick off your shoes and lean against the edge of the table, snapping a piece of chocolate from one of the open bars and holding it up to him. 

"I want something to replace this," you warn, popping it in your mouth, enjoying the sweetness on your tongue. Poe follows your lead, nudging off his sand filled boots and coming to stand in front of you.

"You can have anything you want," he grins in suggestion, slipping his arms around your waist and dipping his head to kiss you. His hands skim up your back as his tongue slips into your mouth, lapping against yours. Wrapping your arms around his neck you tangle your fingers in his soft curls, holding him to you as he kisses you breathless.

He lets out a soft groan as he pulls away, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. "You taste like chocolate."

"I wonder why?" You laugh, rolling your eyes. Breaking off another piece of chocolate you make a show of putting it in your mouth and slowly licking your fingers clean as he watches you. 

"Really?" He groans, "You really think I need more encouragement to throw you down on that bed?"

"Evidently, since you haven't done it yet," you grin. 

"No, because I was taking a moment to enjoy this, you, being happy," he clarifies when you frown in confusion. "You have no idea how much I missed seeing you smile."

Your heart aches again for both of you and the time you have lost. 

"I think I do," you whisper, cupping his cheek and bringing his lips to yours, determined not to waste another moment. "Now, what were you saying about throwing me down on a bed?"

It doesn't take long after that for him to have rid you both of your clothes and pressed into the mattress, his lips working against yours.

His kisses start sweet, gentle and slow, almost teasing as he pulls back each time you try to deepen it. He takes the time to kiss your top and bottom lip, the corner of your mouth, over and over, for a maddening amount of time, before he gently teases your lips open to slide his tongue between your teeth.

You let out a sigh through your nose as his tongue finally slips into your mouth, languidly lapping against yours. The kiss is passionate but slow, neither of you in any rush, taking all the time to explore each other's mouths. Pulling him close against you with one hand mapping the planes of his back, the other tangles in his hair in a now familiar way.

As he kisses you his hands explore your body, fingers sweeping down over the side of your neck, your shoulder, along the curve of your breast earning a soft sigh from you. His lips swallow your pleasured moan as he rolls your peaked nipple in his fingers, making you arch your back to his touch. He repeats the action on the other breast, except this time alongside your soft moan you nip his lower lip with your teeth, earning a groan from him as well. 

Your own hands move to map the toned muscles of his chest, gently dragging your nails across his flesh making his hips jump against yours in a way that has you giving him a pleased smile. When you move your fingers to lightly trace across his side he flinches and squirms, causing you to pull your hands back. 

"Poe, are you ticklish?" Grinning you wiggle the fingers of one hand lightly across the side of his ribs making him jolt again with a gasp. His reaction only makes you grin more, delighting in his newfound weakness. 

"Of course not. I just wasn't expecting that," he huffs capturing your wrist in a gentle grip to stop your fingers as you attempt to tickle him for a third time. 

"Aww, this is so cute!"

"Don't you dare tell anyone," he warns, giving you a serious look. You wouldn't tell anyone, but you might heavily imply it to a few choice comrades of his. Giggling you pull the hand holding yours to your lips and press a soft kiss to his knuckles. 

"Your little secret is safe with me,” He lets out a noise which shows how little he believes you but he lets go of your wrist, allowing you to wrap your hand around his neck, pulling his lips back down to yours. You'd tease him about it later, for now, there were other things that needed to be taken care of.

It doesn't take long for you both to get lost in the kiss once more, temporarily forgetting about teasing him when his fingers go back to exploring the contours of your body. 

His hands caress your breasts once more, drawing soft moans against his lips before his fingers slide lower, trailing down across your abdomen and further to the outside of your thigh, before ever so slowly trailing back up your inner leg. Your breath hitches in anticipation as his fingers inch teasingly slow to where you desperately want them, fire spreading across your skin at his touch. 

Poe’s lips leave yours to place a row of gentle kisses across your jaw, down your neck to your collarbone, finding each spot that earns a soft moan or a pleasured gasp from you before he works his way back up, his mouth completing his journey back to your lips as his fingers lightly brush against your hot core. Your hips jump in response, desperate for more than the brief whisper of contact.

He ignores your aching need to be touched, his fingers instead moving down the inside of your thigh once more, mapping out every inch of your skin as you desperately moan against his mouth. In revenge for his teasing, you graze your fingers across his ribs, making him jolt and hiss in surprise as it tickles. 

"Tease," You complain with a soft moan as the back of his hand barely brushes against where you want it, as he switches to the other leg. 

"Payback," he counters, pressing hot kisses against your neck as his fingers tiptoe back up your thigh before he finally allows them to slide through your slick folds. You let out a relieved moan at his touch, arching your hips to him.

He groans at the feel of your wetness coating his fingers, bringing them up to circle your clit as you all but tremble beneath him. His eyes on your every reaction is more than you can take and you lean your head back, eyelids fluttering shut as he easily slides two fingers into you. 

"You look so pretty like this," he murmurs, peppering soft kisses across your jaw. "Better than I imagined… and I did imagine. Every single night."

You whimper at the thought of him picturing you like this, splayed out naked for him, his fingers deep inside you. When his thumb sweeps across your aching clit as he thrusts his fingers slowly, your entire body shudders with pleasure and you bite your lip in an attempt to hold back the purely feral moan that threatens to break free. 

"Don't do that. Let me hear you, baby." Poe whispers, moving his mouth to place kisses down your neck before he licks a hot stripe up to your ear, biting down gently on your earlobe. 

Even if you wanted to hold back the mewl of pleasure you give, you couldn't. It breaks free of your throat before you've even had a chance to register it, your body arching into him and the pleasure.

"Good girl," he praises softly and you clench around his fingers, your breath coming out in short pants as his fingers drag you closer to oblivion. "I want to hear you do that again."

You give him another shuddering moan as he dips his head, kissing across your collarbone and down to your breasts. He hums in appreciation, the noise vibrating against your sensitive skin. 

"Poe," you whimper, taking a shuddering breath as he grazes his teeth over your peaked nipple. "Please."

"What do you need, baby?" He asks, curling his fingers inside you. 

"I fuuu-" you hiss, arching into his hand, trying desperately to keep your thoughts coherent enough to choke the words out. "Want to feel you… inside me."

The words are barely out of your mouth, your tongue still curling around the last syllable when his mouth crashes against yours muffling the rest. You moan into his mouth, tangling your fingers in his hair and trying to pull him further into you but Poe is already moving back, his fingers leaving you. Tucking his arms around you he pulls you up with him as he sits back.

"On my lap," he breathes unsteadily against your lips. "I want to be able to see all of you."

You straddle his legs as his eyes drink you in, his hands ghosting down your sides to grip your hips. He captures your lips as you raise yourself up on your knees, before sinking down on his cock, purposefully slowly, allowing you to feel every drag against your walls. He pulls away from you to listen to your low whine of pleasure at the exquisite stretch, gripping your hips tightly as he bottoms out inside you, holding you still against him.

"Can I mark you?" He whispers, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear before dipping back down to your neck, his tongue tracing shapes across your skin. The flutter of your walls around his cock, your moan of need, is more than answer enough but you give him a faint nod. 

His mouth and teeth go back to work against a sensitive spot just above your collarbone, sucking and biting slowly. Moaning, you can't help but cant your hips against his, desperately seeking any kind of friction as he keeps you suspended in need.  

Poe groans against your neck at the movement, his teeth biting your neck in a sharp pinch that makes you gasp as his cock twitches inside you. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer against him and trapping you still as you tremble at the feel of him slipping deeper. 

"I don't want to rush anything. Not now I have you," he groans against your neck, his hot breath fanning out against your skin. Making an effort to hold your hips still you run your fingers through his messy curls, giving him a small smile, understanding his meaning.

"Okay."

He brings his lips back to your neck, swiping his tongue over the mark he's left once more before he moves to the other side, drawing a quiet moan from you as he starts a second, one you know will be visible above your flight suit. The knowledge everyone will see makes your pussy clench around him, drawing a groan from the pilot as he tries to hold himself still. When he's done he brings his lips back to yours, kissing you deeply. You let out a whimper against his lips as he holds you, every tiny twitch and movement making frissons of electricity shoot through your core. 

Pulling back he nudges his nose against yours, his eyes holding your own, pupils blown wide, watching you as though you were the only thing in the world, “You are so perfect.”

It's the first time you see it — the way he looks at you, the way other people have noticed he looks at you — like you're the most beautiful sight in the galaxy. 

A wave of love washes over you and you cup his face in your hands, bringing your lips to his and kissing him with all the passion you have, pouring every ounce of love into it.

Poe groans into your mouth, his hips bucking against yours, unable to wait any longer. Giving him a lingering sweet kiss, you slowly raise yourself onto your knees before sinking back down, allowing a relieved moan of pleasure to escape at the friction. 

His hands on your hips help set a slow gentle pace, allowing you to feel every inch of him as you rock against each other, chests pressed together, his lips ghosting over every part of your skin he can reach. 

Raising his head he leans his forehead against yours, pulling you down just a little harder each time you roll your hips, causing his cock to brush against the rough spot inside you that has you clawing at his back with a cry of pleasure. 

“Poe,” you whimper, desperately needing more. Your body feels like it's been suspended in need for hours, your climax always just out of reach, teasingly close. You tremble as his hands explore your damp skin, sliding across your ribs, cupping your breasts before following the curves of your body down to grip your thighs. Burying his face in your neck he presses open mouthed kisses to your sweat salted skin as you rock against him. 

His thumb sweeps tight circles around your clit and you let out a whine of pleasure at the electricity that sparks through your body, making every muscle tremble. If you could think perhaps you could have held off, pushed down the pleasure to make this moment last a little longer. But Poe lifts his head and fixes you with an impassioned gaze, his eyes clouded and dark with lust, his soft curls pressed to his forehead with sweat, his kiss swollen lips parted as he groans at the sight of you. That look alone throws you over the edge into bliss, your nails digging into his shoulders as your climax hits. Every muscle spasms and stiffens, your eyes rolling back as you arch your spine, allowing yourself to be held up only by his arm around your back as you get lost in the peak of white hot pleasure. 

Poe's own groan of need brings you back down planet side, just in time to register him carefully tipping you over onto the bed. You whine at the loss of contact as he slips out of you but before you have a chance to complain he presses his body against yours, pinning you to the mattress. 

His lips capture yours in a bruising kiss and for a moment, as he grinds his hard length against your still pulsing core, you think he might continue to fuck you, but suddenly he pulls away, dropping his head to start peppering kisses down your neck, and further between your breasts. He licks a hot stripe down your abdomen as you frown, chest still heaving with panted breaths, trying to pull your mind out of your blissed state to understand what he's doing. 

"Poe?" You question, blinking hazily down at him as he settles between your legs.

"Wanna taste you," he growls, lowering his head to nip lightly at your thigh. The action sends a sharp jolt of pleasure through you and he quirks a grin at your glazed expression before he dives into you like a starving man. 

His tongue explores your folds, curling around your sensitive clit before pressing deep inside you with confident expertise, lapping up the evidence of your climax. Your whole body shudders in response, arching your back to follow his mouth, bolts of pleasure skittering across your already over sensitive nerves. 

"Oh fuck!" Your hands fly to tangle in his hair, gasping for breath as his tongue laps at you, his quiet moans vibrating through your core. His hands grip at your thighs, keeping your quivering legs spread for him as you arch and squirm, the pleasure almost overwhelming, barely over your first climax before you feel a second rushing up to greet you. 

You're sure you're babbling nonsense at this point as the coil in your belly tightens almost painfully while Poe's mouth works skillfully against you. A second more and he would have tipped you over the edge but suddenly he stops, causing you to mewl in protest, your climax stolen from you at the last moment. Poe lets out a breathless chuckle, lifting his eyes to yours and licking his lips, still shining with your slick. 

He grins at you, "you taste better than chocolate."

Despite your hazy state you can't help but laugh. 

"Come here you dork," you pant, pulling at his arms in encouragement for him to crawl back over you. 

He kisses his way up your body, licking at your sweet salted skin and leaving little love bites in his wake until he captures your lips. He presses his tongue into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself, and tangling your hands in his curls you tug gently, swallowing down the pilot's eager moan.

As he kisses you he slides his hand down to hitch one of your legs up over his hip, before he pushes into you once more, shuddering with need as your wet heat engulfs him. 

He doesn't make you wait, or take things slowly this time, but allows his hips to snap against yours at a quick pace, chasing his own end as he thrusts deeply into you. 

"You're so fucking perfect," he chokes out. Grabbing one of your hands he laces your fingers together, before pressing it down against the mattress, a quiet groan of your name falling from his lips. 

"Don't stay away from me now," he begs, "I won't lose you again."

"Never," you promise breathlessly, taking his face in your hands and pulling his lips to yours in a quick kiss. "I'm yours. I've always been yours, Poe."

He groans and trembles as you say his name, shuffling up on his knees in order to apply more force at the apex at each of his thrusts. The angle steals the breath from your lungs as he hits something devastating inside you, making stars explode across your vision. You cling to him as he babbles words of love and admiration in your ear but you're too far gone to understand any of it, already lost to the cresting wave that drags you under again. Your climax almost drowns you as it rolls in, struggling for breath as your body trembles and stiffens, your walls clamping down on him. 

His hand tightens around yours as his thrusts fall out of time, a noise close to a whine tearing itself from his throat. You pull him down close against you, his hot slick skin against yours as he stutters out your name, thrusting deep as he spills into you in hot bursts. 

Poe collapses onto you, chest heaving with panting breaths as he buries his face in your neck. You turn your head to kiss his temple, your fingers trailing lightly up and down his back as you both come down from the high. 

When he's recovered he places soft kisses across your neck and jaw, working his way up to capture your lips in a slow soft kiss. 

Bringing your hands up to rest against his neck you softly brush your thumbs against his jaw, grazing over the day old stubble that's starting to form. 

He opens his mouth to talk but you shake your head, covering his lips with a finger. There would be more than enough time for talking later. You want to bask in the quiet moment, drink it in, bottle it and keep it forever. You want to commit every second to memory, even though you know it won't be the last night together.

Smiling, he kisses the tip of your finger gently before you drop your hand, allowing him to kiss your lips sweetly. 

"I just need to tell you I love you," he rushes out, pulling back before he mimics sewing his mouth shut. You roll your eyes giggling. 

"A minute! You couldn't be quiet for more than that? Really?" You giggle, pushing his damp hair back from where it's fallen into his eyes.

He shrugs and pretends to talk, only making you laugh more. Moving your hands down you tickle his ribs making him jump. 

"Argh! Don't do that!" He laughs, capturing your hand. Not to be deterred from drawing out another adorable squeak that he gives you at the action, you tickle him with your other hand. He squirms and after a struggle manages to capture both of your hands, pinning them down to the mattress.

"You're ruining a beautifully romantic moment here," he complains, struggling to suppress a smile as he gives you his best serious look.

Giggling you lean up as best you can without the use of your arms and kiss him softly. 

"I love you too, Poe."

"That's better," he smiles, kissing you again. 

~

Waking to an empty bed was not exactly the morning you had envisioned but when you reach out your hand that's what you get — cold sheets thrown back, and an empty space where Poe should be. 

Blinking the sleep from your eyes you sit up, hearing the muffled sounds of the ocean from the open balcony doors. Slipping out of the bed you throw on your clothes, ignoring their crumpled state, and pad across the room. 

Stepping out you see Poe leaning on the balcony, dressed only in his loose sleep pants, his bare back to you as he stares across the ocean, the crescent moon nail marks you had given him still slightly visible on his shoulders. 

"I spend months fantasising about waking up next to you after a night of passionate sex, and now -" 

He spins on his heel desperately waving a hand at you, eyes wide and mouth open in shock, making you stop mid sentence. 

"Well, thank you for the update commander. It sounds like things have gone well." Leia's voice crackles through the comms in his hand, and if you didn't know better you might think there is a slight hint of amusement in her tone.

"We should be back in a few hours." Poe coughs out as you throw your hands over your face.

There is no mistaking the laughter in the General’s voice the next time she speaks.

"Take your time Commander, it seems you might have your hands full at the moment."

You were going to die right here of embarrassment. The heat searing across your skin and pricking at your nerves was going to burn you to ashes. You could never go home. You could never face the General again. And Poe, your sweet Poe who values her opinion more than anything, you can't imagine the thoughts going through his head. He'd never forgive you for this. Maker, you want the floor to swallow you. 

You don't hear his goodbyes, too busy trying to press your hands through your skull and listening to the blood roaring in your ears. 

The next thing you hear is Poe, much closer than he had been before, which means he's right in front of you. You press your hands harder, not wanting to look at the disappointment in his eyes. 

"I might have explained that a little more delicately to the General but, I suppose that did the job."

His tone makes you pause. He doesn't sound angry, or disappointed, he sounds…like he's trying not to laugh. You risk peeking at him with one eye through your fingers and he raises an eyebrow at you. 

Cautiously you lower your hands.

"I'm so sorry!" You blurt out, "I didn't know you were talking to someone. It was so quiet and I assumed you were just out here looking at the ocean and I shouldn't have said that and -" his hand over your mouth cuts off your rambled apologies and explanation, his eyes crinkling with laughter. 

"Stop. It's okay. I know you didn't mean to do that. It's okay," he reassures you, dropping his hand. 

"But the General…"

"Knows I've been in love with you since the moment we got home. I'd be willing to place a sizable bet that that's why she picked you to accompany me last night. She would have found out one way or another," he smiles, kissing your forehead which you're sure is still burning with embarrassment. "Though maybe with less details of how our night went."

He grins in amusement as you groan, running your hands down your face. 

"Sorry," you mumble again, sure that he's just as embarrassed as you are, although he does a better job than you of schooling his expression.  

Poe gives you an easy shrug, shaking his head, "What's done is done. The only thing you need to be sorry for now… is the fact that you got dressed."

He gives you an unimpressed frown as he looks you up and down before he continues. 

"I was hoping I could sneak back into bed before you woke up."

You're about to offer to go back inside but he carries on talking before you have a chance, tilting his head as he surveys you thoughtfully. 

"But since you're up, it means we can at least have a little bit of fun before we go back to war."

"What do you have in mind?" You hum allowing him to distract you from thoughts of going home, as he wraps his arms around you, pressing you close against him and nudging his nose against your neck.

"Hmm well, how about we find a quiet spot on the beach, where nobody is going to see us," he pauses, kissing below your ear as his fingers creep under the hem of your shirt, brushing against your skin before he continues in the same sultry tone that has heat pooling between your thighs, "somewhere comfortable for you to lay back because we might be there a while." 

He pauses again, this time kissing a path down your neck to nip at the mark he left last night. You press yourself closer to him, winding your arms around his neck and as he lifts his eyes back to yours. 

"Do you want to know what happens next in my plan?" He asks, giving you a quick kiss. 

"Yes," you breathe, licking your lips.

Poe leans close to you, his fingers tightening against your hips as he whispers.

"I'm going to build you the biggest sandcastle you've ever seen."

Bursting out laughing you pull back to take in his boyish grin. 

"What? What did you think I was going to say?" He laughs, giving you a wide eyed mock innocent look. You can't bear to think how you've lived without him all this time. Your chest aches painfully with just how much you've missed this interaction, the easy playfulness and flirting.  

"Bet you the leftover chocolate I can build one bigger." 

Poe raises an eyebrow at your statement, considering you and your offer.

"Okay, but what do you want if you win?"

Grinning, you kiss him softly, "I'll tell you when I win."

-------

Please take the time to comment and reblog if you enjoyed. Letting us know what you liked keeps writers writing!

Taglist reblog to follow

[jediknightgoofball]

A Collision Of Hearts

Part 4 of Philophobia

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Word Count: 5.1K

Warnings: 18+. Soft sex. Unprotected PIV. Fingering. Handjob. A splash of angst cos I can’t fucking help myself.

A/N: So this is the final chapter! (If we don't count the small epilogue I have planned 👀) Thank you to everyone who's read, liked, reblogged and left lovely comments throughout the fic, I love you all and I hope this hits the spot for those holding out hope for a happy ending.

PART 3

He braces himself but no amount of preparing can ready him for the blow to his chest when you suck in a deep breath - eyes growing bold- and your lips part around a bombshell confession.

"I love you."

**

He's pretty sure he's choking on his own breath.

Fuck, why can't he breathe?

You're staring at him. A nervous expectation written all over your face but all he can offer you is a wild look of confusion and panic as his lungs constrict further.

You've just told him you love him.

Poe's dreamed of this moment for years, he should be thrilled. But no - this isn't right. The words feel wrong or maybe more accurately, they make him feel wrong. He feels nauseous.

It feels as if a gaping black pit has opened up within his stomach whilst he studies you intently. You look terrified - hands trembling against his face - there's an edge something to your features that only makes that pit stetch wider as recognition flares in his mind.

It's guilt. Regret.

Of course.

Of course you're only saying those words out of some misplaced guilt for what happened to him. You don't mean them. It's just your attempt to make things even between you - your personal sacrifice. You think he suffered for you so now you'll suffer for him.

Except, this is much worse than anything the First Order had done to him.

This tears through him in a way they could never.

He's wanted nothing else except being in your arms for over a week but now he wrenches himself away - pushes your hands away like they've burned him. His eyes closing in pain as he sits up to lean against the headboard of his bed.

"Please." His voice cracks, causing him to swallow harshly against the lump in his throat. "Please don't say that to me, not when you don't mean it."

He feels you scramble up until you sit facing him, your own voice strained.

"I do mean it Poe." You argue, frowning, but he's already shaking his head.

"Not the way I do."

"Poe…"

He doesn't want to hear it. Can't bare hearing you offer up hollow affections out of some sick sense of duty. Before the hand that reaches for him can make contact, he's already thrown himself from the bed. Storming across the room where he suddenly stops to whirl around and glare at you.

"Dont!" He snarls. "Just stop, I don't want your pity! I get that you don't really feel the same way, I get that I've made our friendship awkward now and I'm sorry for fucking everything up but please... please don't pretend you love me the way I love you."

He falls silent for a moment before shoving a rough hand through his hair. Tugging at the curls as a frustrated sigh blows past his lips.

"I know things won't ever go back to the way they were." He says bitterly. "But you don't need to lie. I'll never hold you not loving me against you. I'd rather have you in my life as only my friend than not have you in my life at all."

**

You watch, stunned, when he sags back against his door in defeat - eyes squeezed shut as his head thumps on the durasteel. The tension bleeds from his system, leaving behind a worn out husk in place of his usual golden radiance whilst you flounder for the correct words.

Any words at this point.

You'd almost be offended that he believes you would lie about this if it wasn't technically your fault he was convinced his feelings were one sided in the first place.

Who wouldn't take a person running away when you tell them you love them as the ultimate rejection?

You fumble off the bed and slowly creep towards Poe - hands held placatingly infront of you like you're approaching a skittish animal. Like if you move too quick he'll dash and you'll lose him. His eyes flutter open to watch you warily as you draw near instead and the raw vulnerability you find slams into the delicate bones of your chest and leaves you winded.

Hesitantly, you raise your trembling hands to cup his cheeks once you're infront of him - a hushed noise of content bubbling in your throat when he instinctively leans into your palm. You take a deep breath and edge closer. Make sure his eyes are locked on yours when you speak.

"Poe Dameron, you listen to me. I have never and will never lie to you. Unless you count me not telling you about my feelings until now, which is more withholding the truth if you think about it." You say matter of factly. "Oh and there was that one time I took your x-wing out for a test run without asking and - wait - shit - I'm getting off topic aren't I?"

His lips twitch slightly as you babble. He knew you'd lied about that particular event all along - could smell your perfume in the cockpit when he'd been tinkering around the next morning. He just never brought it up because he hadn't been able to find it in himself to be angry when your scent mixing with his spent the day making his head dizzy and his chest warm.

"Anyway my point is I will never lie to you about this." You barrell on. "I have loved you from the moment you charmed your way into my life, I will love you until the last breath leaves my body and when our souls become stars in the sky together I will continue to love you for the rest of eternity."

There's the telltale burn of tears gathering in your eyes - that infuriating tingle that builds in the place behind your nose. But you can't stop. Even as your voice grows thick and cracks - even as you feel wetness streak down your face whilst Poe absorbs your confession with rapt attention, wide eyed and breathless.

"You are everything and I'm so fucking sorry I made you believe otherwise." You choke.

With bated breath you wait as he tries to work through what you've said - the fact you've just completely laid yourself bare and thrown everything he had thought he knew into chaos. He'a visibly floored - eyes blinking rapidly - and you think you spy a tell tale shine before he lowers his head.

"You ran."

You wince - sighing. "I was afraid." The admittance is slow. Painful yet relieving. To finally open up about something you've struggled alone with for so long. "I thought if I allowed any feelings between us it would end in pain. Everyone who has got close to me has died and I couldn't take it anymore, I thought if I kept to myself here I'd be okay. But then you demanded otherwise."

You laugh softly and Poe lifts his head slightly - gaze flicking to yours beneath his lashes and lips curving into a light smile.

"Loving you was inevitable after that." You shrug. "There was no hiding, it straight up sucker punched me in the chest, but I figured if you didn't know it wouldn't cause any harm. And then you told me you loved me and I - I panicked."

It sounds like a lame excuse to your own ears and you half expect Poe to outright tell you so but then his hands come to clasp yours. Holding them firmly in place whilst his dark eyes trail over inch of your face.

"You really love me?" He murmurs.

"I really do."

You're barely able to finish your sentence before he surges forward - crushing his lips to yours. He's almost frantic at first. Years of built up tension - desire - exploding through his veins so violently that he struggles to reign it back for a moment.

His hands leave yours to fly to your face - fingers digging in your jaw as you moan into his mouth and then it suddenly goes slow. His lips move to a languid pace against yours that makes you flare up like a blaster bolt shot through the night sky.

Maker, this is what your fears have made you miss all these years?

Poe's lips are petal soft against yours, making your head swim. Your breath punched from your lungs when he nips your lower lip before sucking it into his mouth to soothe the light sting with his tongue. You open up for him and the groan he let's loose at the taste of you as your tongue tangles lazily with his is nearly enough to make your legs buckle.

He senses it. Pulls you flush against him - tilting your head with a light tug of your hair to deepen the kiss before he spins you around to shove you against the door.

You're pinned by his body, every inch of him sculpted and warm, presses you into the cold steel at your back until you blossom into life beneath his touch. You rock desperately against him - the ache between your thighs building to a fierce need - rolling your hips against the thick bulge of his clothed cock until a whine crawls up your throat when his own jerk in response and he groans hungrily into your mouth.

Poe wrenches his mouth away, eyes wild and unfocused whilsthe fights for control that slips through his fingers the longer you look at him like that.

Your chest is heaving - eyes glossy with need as you stare at him and reach to yank him back towards you but he manages to hold back. Cupping your cheeks gently with his hands.

"Sweetheart, wait." He rasps. "Is this moving to fast? I don't want to do anything you might regret after."

His concern melts your heart. He's practically trembling against you with want but he's still worried about you.

Stars, how could you not love this man.

You press a tender kiss to his lips, his expression melting to something achingly soft with your affection. "If you want to wait we can wait but I want you Poe. I'm tired of trying to ignore how much I want you and if you want me too then I'm yours." You tell him.

He inhales sharply - a low noise of satisfaction rumbling in his chest - and then he's falling back into you. Planting hot, open-mouthed kisses along your jaw and down your neck befor his teeth scrape over your collarbone.

"Fuck, baby. You have no idea how much I want you." He husks against your skin as his hands slide over your body, kneading your flesh and fanning the flames that are licking through your belly.

You whimper against him - hands clutching at his shoulders to steady yourself as you stare into black, lust blown eyes.

"Show me." You urge.

A growl tears free from his throat as he buries you against the door - hands pinning your wrists above your head whilst he claims your lips in a searing kiss. His hips grind into yours and his tongue licks into your mouth, drinking down every shaky gasp that bursts from your lungs.

You can't seem to take a full breath, desperation coursing through your veins, making you dizzy as you thrust your fingers blindly into his curls. Tugging them deliriously as you pant against his lips.

"Poe, please."

His hands trail a blazing path down your arms, slowing down to tease the soft flesh of your breasts before dipping down to worship your belly. You whine against his mouth - encourage him to move quicker but he simply draws back and winks as his hands reach around to grabs large handfuls of your ass to yank you tightly against him.

"Fuck, sweetheart." He hisses as your nails dig in to the muscles of his shoulders, eyes sparking with challenge when you smirk at him before he grabs the back of your thighs an hoists your legs around his waist.

Stars.

He's pressed directly against your swollen sex, the pressure leaving you both gasping as Poe bucks into you. It's pure need. The consequence of denying yourselves for so long manifesting as you rut against each other like animals in heat - his head falling into the crook of your neck - teeth latching on to your sweat-damp skin whilst you claw at him.

You don't think you'll ever get enough of how he feels against you. Fingers greedily dragging over every inch of his perfect skin whilst he licks a hot stripe up the column of your throat. The air is thick with tension, charged with a volatile mix of emotion from where raw desire has morphed into something so much more.

"Poe I need you." You breathe dragging his lips back to yours, brushing your nose along his as he shudders in your arms.

He delicately brings one of your hands to his mouth and lays a kiss on your wrist.

"I know baby, I know, I've got you." He murmurs pulling away from the door and carrying you to his bed.

Poe lays you down like your made of the most precious material in the entire galaxy, hovering over you cautiously before you roll your eyes at him playfully and drag him down on top of you.

You can't help the contented sigh that escapes your lips at the weight of him against you, like always you fit together perfectly, destined to hold one another you remember thinking once upon a time and oh how you were right.

"I love you." Poe whispers, bringing your focus back to him gently and making your heart flutter rapidly in your chest like the wings of a hummingbird.

"I love you too." You croak.

He fuses his mouth with yours, kissing you with a slow, syrupy passion that leaves your body tingling beneath him before he parts from you slowly.

Poe raises himself above you as his hands reach for the hem of your top, eyes darting to yours for confirmation and dragging it up and over your head when you nod hurriedly. His fingers make quick work of your bra next, flinging it across the room when he manages to yank it off your arms and you hear him whistle low as his eyes rake over your exposed chest.

"Absolutely perfect." He mumbles into your skin as he laves attention across your breasts, kissing and stroking the skin before sucking a pert nipple into his mouth and gently nipping it with his teeth until you arch beneath him.

"Quit teasing." You moan. Trying not to combust from that first simple contact with his mouth.

His smile is wicked as he nuzzles his face against your ribs before giving you a teasing pout.

"As you wish baby, but I'm taking full advantage of any time I have with them later" He winks at you and you snort, shaking your head as he chuckles into your hip.

His fingers stroke along the waistband of your shorts, dipping a little bit further inside each time and you're almost about to shove them off yourself when finally he hooks a finger in each side and slips them devastatingly slowly down your legs.

You're tempted to hide your face as a strange insecurity washes over you about being naked infront of your best friend but you're glad you don't when you his sharp inhale rattles in his throat.

Sneaking a look at him your mouth goes dry as he stares back at you.

He looks feral.

Dark eyes devouring every inch of skin laid out before him, swirls of hunger sparking in the depths as they sweep over you before dragging back up to meet your own.

"You're so beautiful." His voice drops to something low and ragged. Making you squirm as you feel wetness gathering on your thighs.

He leans back over you, pressing kisses all over your chest and neck before he catches your lips with his own once more - masking your cry when he slides a knuckle through your drenched folds.

"Fuck sweetheart you're so wet." He pants.

Your brain has short circuited. Breath stuttering when he slips two fingers into your heat and uses a calloused thumb to trace soft circles on your clit. He's whispering praises into your ear as you rock onto his hand - his name falling from your lips like a prayer as the coil in your stomach winds ever tighter.

"Poe please I need you so bad." You beg.

A sob bursts from your chest when his fingers speed up, stroking that patch of tissue inside you that makes your entire being vibrate. You hand snaps to his wrist, stilling him before he can catapult you off that ledge and he looks at you with an adorable confusion that would probably make you laugh if you didn't feel so damn needy.

"No, I need you inside me now." You demand.

Poe's eyes widen as he takes in your flushed face, eyes glazed over and body shaking from withholding your release.

He obeys with a nod. Gently slips his fingers from inside you and locks his eyes on yours before slowly bringing them to his mouth. His groan is jagged as he laps up your juices - the sound of it spearing low in your gut.

His eyes flutter open when he feels you shift, pushing him back as you lay him down gently against the pillows.

You look glorious straddling his thighs, his rigid length throbbing against the zipper of his trousers as he watches you exploring his body in awe. He can't resist reaching to brush away the hair that's fallen across your face and his heart spasms when you lean into his touch and sweetly kiss his palm.

Stars, could he be any more in love with you?

His breath comes quick and sharp as your hands trace the planes of his chest - fingers learning every scar and blemish and knocking him breathless with the intimacy of it. He hisses, hips jolting up into the cradle between your thighs when your nails tease over his nipples and down to his stomach - teeth sinking into the meat of his lip as the muscles clench with a consuming need for more. Poe's turning into a mess beneath you.

Do you have any idea what you're doing to him?

From the proud glint in your eye he has a feeling you know exactly what you're doing as he stares at you - mind fuzzy with arousal.

You move away to rid him of his pants and he has to restrain himself from hauling you back against him. He nods eagerly when you look to him before gripping the waistband in your fingers and drawing the pants down his legs, sighing softly as his cock springs free and bobs against his stomach.

A fire burns in his eyes as you crawl back up his body to sink into his chest and kiss him. His skin buzzes at the feel of you everywhere against him, electricity licking up his spine and making his blood sing. Choking on the air in his lungs when you slip a soft hand down past his stomach to grip him.

Poe feels like he's died and gone to heaven.

Hands twisting in the sheets whilst you bite your lip enticingly - wide eyed - as you watch hin panting and throbbing in your grasp. His head falls back against the pillows and it's a struggle to not cry and beg for more. To refrain from thrusting wildly into your hand and spilling all over your fingers.

He croaks your name in a broken plea as you slide your thumb over his sensitive head. A broken plea to stop so he can bury himself inside you and feel you cum around him before he falls over the edge. But rather than stopping you just look at him innnocently.

"Baby I thought you wanted me inside you." He grits, sweat breaking out across his chest as you tease him.

"I do - I just wanted to touch you first - you're so beautiful Poe."

His heart jumps and then his fingers are winding through your hair - cradling your head to pull you close and carefully roll you both over. He kisses you until you're a breathless mess beneath him - your expression dazed and dreamy as he pulls back to nudge his nose to yours.

"You sure about this?" He whispers.

You nod gently as your fingers rise to skim across his cheek. "With you? Always."

His eyes close briefly before they slide back open, rendering you speechless with the love brimming in them. His hand slips from your hair and inbetween you and you feel his blunt head sliding through your folds before he lines himself up against your entrance.

He pushes in slowly, eyes never leaving yours as he slides in inch by inch. A sob flies from your mouth when he bottoms out - overwhelmed by the pleasure that streaks through your blood when he stretches you on the thick length of his cock.

Poe wipes away the few stray tears that have scattered across your cheeks, chasing them away with gentle brushes of his lips against your face and sweet words muttered against your lips.

He stays completely still as he waits for you to adjust - arms shaking but only moving once you promise you're okay and plead for him to move. You both gasp as he pulls out and thrusts back into you achingly slow, each roll of his hips soul shattering as you feel every part of his cock drag deliciously against your walls.

His name leaves your lips in a gasped chant as your hips rise unhurried to meet his. Legs hooking around his waist to pull him further into you and you whine as the new angle allows him to thrust deeper, nudging against something explosive. Something that draws a strangled scream from your throat whilst your nails scrape down his back.

He kisses every inch of you he can reach and his hands never cease their worship - kneading and grasping your flesh as piece by piece he unravels against you. His fingers tangling with yours either side of your head whilst his mouth decends upon your lips.

Poe knows he won't last much longer - not with the way you're fluttering and clenching so tightly. The slick heat of you making his whole body tremble above you. One of his hands snakes inbetween your bodies to sweep deliberate circles over your clit and you clamp down hard around him, throwing your head back against the pillows with a hoarse cry of his name.

You're close you can feel it, his talented fingers and intense pace have you barrelling headfirst towards euphoria and your body begins to quiver as the coil in your stomach tightens to it's limit. Sobbed pleas are flowing past your lips and Poe leans down to crash his mouth to yours.

"Shh it's okay baby, you can let go. Cum for me sweetheart." He commands softly and you're entire body seizes, teetering painfully on the edge.

"I love you." He murmurs and the coil suddenly snaps.

"Fuck - Poe - I - oh fuck - I love you."

Your voice cracks when you shatter, convulsing as tidal waves of pleasure pull you under and leave you gasping. Your vision blurring and heat searing your veins as you allow it to consume you wholly.

You feel Poe's muffled groan of your name reverberate throughout your entire being, hips stuttering when you wind your free hand into his hair and lightly yank his silky curls before dragging him into a passionate kiss.

Drawing back slightly, eyes fixed on his, you gently suck his lower lip into your mouth before releasing it with a lewd pop and whispering slyly.

"Cum for me, Commander."

A growl rumbles up from his chest as his pace falters and his grip on your hand becomes iron, feeling him pulse and flood your walls with his warmth. His face drops to your neck as he pants and quakes against your skin, pressing gentle kisses there when his hips finally cease their jerked movements.

"Commander? Really?" He breathes and you smirk as you relish the effect your words had on him.

"I'm sorry, did you not order me to call you that the last time we spoke?" You taunt impishly.

He raises his head to look at you, eyes dazed and stunned as he shakes his head incredulously.

"Fuck you're gonna be the death of me." He rasps before attacking you with kisses, causing you to shriek as you attempt to wriggle out from underneath him but he just catches you and hauls you back into the bed.

He laughs joyfully as you throw him him a grumpy look. Dropping a kiss to your nose as he gets up to head into the fresher, re-emerging with a warm, damp cloth to clean you up. You smile softly at him as he tends to you. Poe is truly the most amazing man you have ever met and you can hardly believe you nearly let him slip through your fingers.

He takes your chin gently when he looks up and notices your frown, his beautiful eyes touched with concern as he leans in to you.

"What's wrong? Was I too much? Did I overstep?" Poe questions, dread swirling in his gut as he tries to think how he might have upset you but his attention is turned back you when you grab his hands, shaking your head.

"No! Stars, no. It was perfect. You were perfect Poe." You reassure quietly. "I'm just really sorry for how I handled everything."

Your voice is small as you look away and he could tell you that you had nothing to be sorry for but he knows you won't accept that so instead he shrugs, pulling you to sit on his lap as he wraps his bed covers around you both.

"I'm not. Everything happens for a reason right? And if we didn't have that fight and I didn't get captured by the First Order, we probably wouldn't be here like this now. So I'm pretty glad actually."

You stare at him in disbelief, only Poe could deliver that kind of outstanding optimism.

"So you're telling me that getting captured and tortured by the First Order is a good thing because you got laid?" You deadpan.

His eyes shine brighter than any star as he grins at you mischeviously.

"100%. I might let them take me again next time you're pissed at me if it gets me off the hook quicker"." He smirks at you and you give him a half hearted glare as you desperately try not to let the smile break out onto your face.

"You do that and I'll personally inform Kylo Ren that he can fucking keep you." You snort. Poe actually has the audacity to gasp and clutch his heart as if he's wounded, throwing his head back into a bellowing laugh when you punch his shoulder.

"You know you'd never get rid of me for long sweetheart." He winks at you as you roll your eyes and steal a lingering kiss from his lips to shut him up before snuggling into his chest.

You'd never admit it to him, maker knows the mans ego is large enough as it is, but he was right. You never wanted to be rid of Poe, would search every inch of the galaxy for him if he ever disappeared and drag his sorry ass back home to you. The two of you are the best team in the Resistance, best friends through everything and now the owners of each other's hearts.

Poe is your everything and you are his.

[jediknightgoofball]

the season of the sticks

ok so ive gotten like. at least six requests for a reversed moments stolen fic since I finished that au. and it took ages but its finally here, and its a goddamn doozy. but anyone who’s been here longer than a day knows Im a sucker for the ‘a forgets b’ trope and will take any excuse to wring it for all the angst I can <3 and to those who requested this, sorry for the wait!!!! I appreciate u all endlessly!!!

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: the reader survives vecna’s curse, but their memories of the last three years, and of Steve, don’t. (aka amnesiac reader, broken hearted Steve, and a happy ending cuz obviously)

word count: 7.8k 

-

April 9th, 1986

The call wakes him up five minutes before midnight. Steve doesn’t initially realize it’s the phone, and is internally scolding the passage of time, his alarm clock, and his early shift, but when he reaches to swat the clock, the ringing continues.

A coiling, sinking feeling stirs him enough to answer the phone.

Keep reading

[jediknightgoofball]

Vladimir Nabokov, from a letter to his wife Véra (Berlin, 8 November 1923)

[jediknightgoofball]

how are u love? I dont know if you saw the pictures and videos of joseph and jamie in brazil (I just saw them and I'm SCREAMING) but could you write something based on that? like joseph x costar!reader?

ps: you're amazing and I LOVE that you write for Joseph sm and you do it SO WELL

HI IM GOOD YES i saw their pics from brazil and i went absolutely feral!!! tysm for reading my works ily !! 🫶 hope you enjoy this

side note: a couple of you guys sent in requests and im sorry if im unable to post it sooner. i promise i will get to them and i absolutely love your ideas!!! i also sincerely apologize if the fonts are small im writing the blurbs on my phone and ive yet to figure out how to put “read more”.

brazil is really pretty, and so is the smile on his face.

his white dress shirt hangs perfectly around his frame, but his grey blazer is missing and is instead draped over your shoulders, an offer he’d done out of worry.

even so, joseph’s got an arm around your waist, holding a drink in his hand that he so carelessly waves around as he talks to people though not spilling it on anyone else. his laugh is bright and a bit drunk, but it’s still contagious nonetheless.

“hey,” he murmurs in your ear. “i bet you twenty dollars i get at least more than fifteen questions about what my vecna song is, deal?”

you snort, gyrating your wrist to swirl your drink. “why? did the question reach brazil?”

“i can’t tell you how many times i’ve said the words up and down by venga boys. it’s a lot more than the amount of wrong theories i saw about volume two.”

joseph beams at your smile, and as much as he wants to place a kiss on your temple, he’s too shy to do so in a public place. “alright. and if it’s not more than fifteen, i get the twenty dollars?”

“twenty dollars and a kiss,” he offers. “only because i haven’t kissed you since this morning and i’ve been taking it out on this glass.”

“eugh,” you turn away from him. “gross,”

“it’s true,” joseph removes his arm from around your waist, only to step in front of you so you’d look at him. “when you were at the toilet i’ve been mouthing my drink.”

“jesus, joseph.”

“and mary,” he smiles at you, comes back to his original position where he slots himself at your side with a hand around your back in a kind possessive manner. “no one has actually asked you what your vecna song is, though,”

“i’d rather not answer than when yours sounds like a kids bop music at a child’s birthday party,” you playfully clink your glass with his. joseph wrinkles his nose and opens his mouth in a silent gasp, feigning offense at your joke.

“my, how rude! i’ve never judged you for listening to doja cat for a whole week when she tweeted about me,” joseph squints his eyes at you.

“it’s my way of coping. a hot girl flirts with my boyfriend and then what?” you shake your head at him. joseph smiles, and he’s really fighting the urge not to kiss you. “plus her music’s good. you should try listening to it instead of dancing to venga boys every morning.”

“never disrespect up and down like that,” he scoffs. his hand reaches out to play with the sleeves of the blazer around your shoulder, and you find yourself tracing the curve of his chain.

“yeah yeah, whatever.”

“oh, here comes another one,” finally, he steals a quick peck on your temple, hand sinking deeper into your waist. “prepare to lose twenty dollars, darling.”

would very much appreciate feedback and reblogs!!

[jediknightgoofball]

Best Thing I Never Had

Summary: When you dive into the terrifying depths of Lovers Lake, you expect to feel the usual when it comes to your recently dangerous adventures: worry, regret, and a big dose of fear. But when you notice the man you’re falling for getting smitten with his ex, you realize even envy can be felt in the Upside Down.

In which female reader pines for Steve and gets very jealous when Nancy takes care of him! Some canon divergence! Gif credit: jackpearcsn

Keep reading

#this was so sweet #omg #literally melting through the floor #my heart is warm #steve harrington imagines #fic recs

[jediknightgoofball]

[jediknightgoofball]

To Hear a Heartbeat [m.m.]

Fandom: Daredevil (Marvel) Pairing: Matt x reader Word count: 2.7k Warnings: angst, but fluff :), religious imagery/references bc it's matt

A/N: takes place during/after the blip in which Matt needs to learn how to cope without you.

Five years had passed since Matt Murdock lost his heart. Ripped straight from his heart with an electric fist, leaving in its wake a barely there shock which erupted daily. Hourly. By the minute, by the second.

Every time he thought of you. The milliseconds of his mind infiltrated by you, seizing his being. He went through every day feeling as if a hand laid on his throat, skin sewn close to his. Each day, the fingers around his jugular would squeeze tighter, and tighter. He had forgotten how to breathe the second you left.

He had forgotten how to do a lot of things since the day you were taken away from him.

Like how to tilt his chin heavenward, when his head pressed into your lap so he could feel your warmth, a setting sun, tickle his face. Now, it only hung forward, as if an anvil chain suspended from his neck.

Or how to make the muscles in his cheeks cramp from smiling too hard. When he was around you, surrounded by your presence, he didn’t think it was possible not to smile.

That day, he didn’t just hear over a million heartbeats cease in their thumps at once.

He heard yours stop, too.

Skies became darker after that, an overbearing chill creeping into the air that, once it settled into his bones, it never truly left. If he didn’t know any better, he’d suspected that, when you left, the sun followed after you.

Or, better yet, that you were one and the same.

Tuesday after Tuesday. Friday after Friday. They were all molding into the same day, difficult to depict separate images of—like a subway taking its blurry flight through a tunnel. That specific observation had always felt ironic to him, as the days scrawled by much slower than that, as if by boat. Something slower than that, even. A dinghy. Canoe.

Sundays didn’t even happen anymore without you around. No sweet caress of your voice in his ears, delicate cursive manuscript on yellowed parchment. Your laugh, angelic and loud, kickstarting his heart over and over again with its repeated staccato. Your touch, sweet and kind, a delicious spread of fire to his veins, despite its inability to pass the threshold of platonic. 

Having known you and loved you for as long as he can remember, you had come close many times. Fingers tracing fingers over the pretense of passing papers in the office. Hands gracing shoulder blades or backs, a communicative maneuver around one another in the kitchen. Dancing around one another in graceful twirls and side steps to triplets in triple meter.

Even on his walk home from work, Karen and Foggy on either side of him, a protective forcefield from further heartache, his mind couldn’t detach itself from you. As if chemically connected. His axons only activated if they tilted in the axis of your heart.

“Matt, buddy, back me up!” Foggy’s voice shot through his muddled thoughts like a laser through metal. Matt tried to conceal how it had startled him, how he had been caught drifting away again. “Would you please tell Ms. Page over here that Liar Liar is one of the best films of all time?”

“You sure you’re not a bit biased, buddy?” He asks, referencing the occupation of the film’s main character, same as their own. Though the chuckle he emits is forced, the smile comes a little easier at the absurdity of the conversation.

“Thank you!” Karen exasperates in a shriek, heels producing a hollow click against the concrete. “Foggy, don’t deny that your favorite movie would be literally any other movie if your profession were different.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite movie then? Come on, hit me.”

She hesitates. “Sleepless in Seattle.”

The howl that leaves Foggy is borderline barbaric, Matt clutching his friend’s shoulder as an uncontrollable sputter of laughter skips past his typically pouty lips. “Foggy, you’ll wake up the whole neighborhood.”

“Meg Ryan is literally a journalist in that, Karen!” The blonde man babbles on, pointing an accusatory finger at Karen. “You are literally going home after working with us all day to work on another project for Ellison!”

“Well, I’m a bad example!” She giggles.

Shaking his head to himself, Foggy turns back to Matt to acknowledge his previous remark. “Buddy, it’s Saturday. It’s not like anyone has to work tomorrow.”

Matt huffs out a laugh, nodding in agreement, even though he does have to work tomorrow. He doesn’t expect Foggy to remember that, however, as you normally need to tell someone something in order for them to remember in the first place.

Karen knew, but only by mistake, that Matt had picked up a second job in order to pay your rent while you’ve been gone. Begrudgingly, he had accepted her help in exchange for sealed lips. 

Though he never wanted either of them to know. He didn’t want them to know that he was delusional enough to think that he’d ever hold you in his arms again. Finally whisper those sweet words of admission in your ear, standing before you in your apartment, lips parted, words on the tip of his tongue, before your heartbeat vanished.

Foggy and Karen, they were there for him, and he was trying his damndest not to push them away in his grief. He knew he hadn’t been doing a great job at keeping them close when they offered to start walking him home after work each night. Whether they worried about him stumbling around the dark streets of Hell’s Kitchen in a hazy, drunken stupor, or the simple image of him, alone, they were there. Laughing, and talking. And breathing.

Though it was proving difficult to hear laughter if it wasn’t coming from your tongue. To hear a heartbeat, healthy and alive, and right in front of him, if it wasn’t attached to you. 

He hadn’t noticed that he was drifting away again until he was face to face with his apartment door. Karen and Foggy, tucked away on either side of him, like always. They’re always here, he muses. I wish I could be, too.

“Good night, Matt.” Karen’s voice is sweet and comforting, hand squeezing his shoulder briefly, before backing away. “Try to get some sleep.”

“Text or call if you need anything, man.” Foggy throws the words into the air, like he does every time, hoping that one day Matt will be there to catch them. 

“Yeah, of course,” Matt answers, like he does every time. The offer tumbles between his fingers like sand. Today, like all the others, isn’t going to be that fateful one day where he catches them. “Thank you, guys. Really.”

Then he’s alone. Body filling the mold imprinted in his couch, still in his clothes from the day, as he stays awake and awaits your return. Like he does every night. Until his eyes begin to slip close from pure exhaustion, rather than content with the present day and an eagerness to do it all over again tomorrow. A fresh layer of tears help to seal his eyes for the minimal amount of sleep he will inevitably grant himself.

It’s the next morning that feels different from all the others. Conscious mind rescuing him from the nightmares of your absence, Matt jolts awake. His eyes almost hurt to open from the dried tears, a taught tension in his brow from the emotional night behind him. He readjusts his glasses, having jostled to a crooked stance on his nose.

His alarm clock goes off in his bedroom, a faint, melodic thump that brings a crease to his brow. 

He never set the alarm clock for today.

That’s when he hears it. Like an uproar of a million souls, scattered, but standing together. A rush of different sounds, different voices, painting the otherwise dull canvas of Hell’s Kitchen with its gradients of radiance. 

He can taste the tears of a mother and son just outside the apartment complex, reunited with their husband and father. Three bodies smashed together in a tight communion.

He can feel the relief of an elderly man from a block away, as his wife reappears beside him on a park bench. Her hand intertwined with his, as if she’d never left his side in the first place. 

He can smell the coffee, spilled by a startled secretary on the first floor as an interested renter from five years ago is suddenly seated before her again. 

He can hear the heartbeat, blood bringing oxygen to the pumping organ of a warm body two floors above him. Their shuffling feet, unsure of their trek. His name dangling from their lips, a concerned vibration of mystery.

Matt chokes on a sob, because, even though it’s been five years, spotting your heartbeat in a sea of millions came easier to him than brushing his teeth. Your name desperately dribbles down his tongue like a prayer, and it turns into an under-his-breath chant as he fights against hypoxicated lungs to make it to you before your heart has to take another beat without him. Newfound rejuvenation tugs on his already loose tie, tugs him up staircases, past reconnecting families, until he’s at your doorstep.

Clouds swim around his head as he struggles to find his breath. He wanted to say his heart stopped beating the second he heard yours again, but he knew that would be a lie.

Because his heart didn’t start beating again until yours fluttered into his eardrums today. 

The door opens before he can even raise his fist to knock, and he’s quickly overcome by all things you. As if capsized, overturned to drown in your elegant waves. Be washed away by your captive touch. Float amongst the chuckles of your laughter.

“Matt?” Your voice, thick with unshed tears and concern. 

Suddenly, breathing’s never felt easier.

He could hear your heartbeat, healthy and alive.

And right in front of him.

Ushering him inside, hand furtively locked around his wrist, your skin is etched upon his like a tattoo. This is when the dam shatters, broken sobs clawing up his esophagus until they’re free. He clutches onto your forearms as he sinks to his knees, taking you with him. You draw him in so tightly you worry that he’ll pop, hands carding through his hair as he cries into your collarbones. His fingers clutch your body as if you could disappear again, and he’ll be damned if he lets it happen again. They can take him, too, so long as he doesn’t have to spend another five years suffocating without his lungs.

“I’m here, darling.” Soft coos drip from your tongue, sweet honey, as you hold onto one another tighter. Resting your head on his, you sway his body gently. “I’m right here.”

“You’re here,” he repeats with a rasp, more of a reassurance to himself than an attempt at conversation. Pressing his forehead to your chest, where your heart now beats vividly against his ears, he mutters around a dry cry, “right here.”

Reaching down to intertwine your fingers with his, you raise your connected fists and press a series of kisses to his knuckles, watching a smile slowly tug at his lips. Your fingers depart from his to caress his cheek and jaw, and he leans into your touch, pressing his lips to your palm. He holds onto your wrist, skimming the skin gently.

“I know you’re confused,” he says, kissing your palm again. “And I promise I’ll fill you in, but I need to finish what I was gonna say five—before.”

“Of course,” you say, and he wants to bottle up the sound, so used to your voice, yet so deprived of it at the same time. He presses a kiss, slow and gentle, to your forehead, your eyes momentarily sliding to a close from the gesture.

Sliding off his glasses, he places them on the cold wooden floor beside your warm bodies. His fingers find your face, brushing your soft skin tenderly, slowly, as if memorizing your features all over again. A trail of heat travels across your face, beginning with your brow, and ending with your lips. For a second, you think he’s going to kiss you, pouted lips just barely grazing yours before he stops himself.

He takes a deep breath, since he can actually do that now. Voice soft, he goes, “you know, growing up, I was taught to keep my faith. No matter what. Because, if I don’t have my faith, then I won’t have salvation. ‘You always gotta stay faithful, Matty,’ they’d say. ‘It’ll hold you together, even as you feel the rest of the world crumble around you.’ And I believed them.

“Until I held onto that faith with a tighter grip than I’d ever known, with a grip tighter than I know even God himself doesn’t possess, only to turn up empty-handed. Because I still didn’t have you. You’re my entire world, Y/N. I’d compare you to the sun if it could even hold a candle to your warmth. Your humility. Your generosity.”

A deluge of tears glide down your cheeks, and Matt is quick to wipe them away. His face is closer to yours now, whispering this next set of words so softly he has as well be breathing them into your very being. Inflating your heart with every exhale, and shrinking it with every inhale, until your breaths become one. “I don’t deserve your love, and I don’t even know if I have it yet, but I'll be damned if I don’t fight for my chance at salvation.”

“That’s the thing, Matty,” you sniffle, laughing into a sob. For a moment, you just look at him. Taking him in. This man, who would go through Hell or high water for you. He who makes you feel safe, and grounded, and cherished. Who makes you feel so crazy with love and adoration that you’d trail the streets of Hell’s Kitchen until everyone in the damn city knew about just how loved this man made you feel. Despite ever having said the words out loud, until now. “You’ve always had it. With every beat of my heart, Matt Murdock. I’m yours.”

His laugh is breathless, as if sent to the heavens to float amongst the clouds. To soar high in the skies on a bird’s feather. It’s pressed into your cheek, just as the faint rumble of his chest transcends to yours, and you swear it kick starts your heart to beat in tandem with his. “And I’m yours, sweetheart.” Swiping the tip of his nose against yours, a gentle side-to-side motion that has you arching into him, lips craving his own. “My heart was only created to beat beside yours.”

When his lips collide with yours, you feel lightheaded, thoughts turned to vapor under his warm caress. His fingers, brushing into your hair from the base of your skull, tug you closer to deepen the connection. A soft moan settles in the back of your throat from his passionate touch, heat dusting your cheeks with pink stardust as his hands trace the path to their hue. They end their descent at the column of your throat, gently curved around the skin, to feel the impact of his closeness. 

The proverbial fingers around his own throat slither away, like the snake in the garden of Eden. As if they knew he was not to be tempted when his temptation, his salvation, was already right in front of him. An ethereal glow cascades the expanses of his face, from his hairline to his jaw. Like all the colors of you chose to shine, just for him, reflected through your stained glass and orange, yellow, and red.

Even when you part, you remain close, Matt’s nose pressing into your cheek to cough out a laugh of disbelief. You grin, captivated by the ethereal beauty of his happiness.

“What day is it?”

You’re thrown off by the stamina of the question, pushed in one breath with an eager lilt. Recalling the date you had seen on your phone, you answer, “um, Sunday. Why?”

Letting out a quick breath, an almost knowing grin grips his cheeks so hard they begin to hurt. “No reason.”

Once again, his ears were tickled by the quiet, steady thumps of a heart.

This time, it was his own.

#matt murdock imagines #matt murdock

[jediknightgoofball]

Listening to Oscar Isaac talk about how his Moon Knight process was “completely falling in love with Steven,” like funny you should mention that, that was my exact Moon Knight process too.

[jediknightgoofball]

whats your favorite bee :o) just outta curiosity

BLUE BEE BLUE BEE

Cerulean carpenter bee, Xylocopa caerulea, photos by gancw1

[jediknightgoofball]

[jediknightgoofball]

What do you do when you lose motovation for writing halfway through a sentence?

When it happens to me I just tend to

[jediknightgoofball]

I’m back on my bullshit

#treacherous power family #results are a little toooo accurate #suspiciously looking over my shoulder #after i read that #like the entire second half #i hate it here

[jediknightgoofball]

hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder on live television