jaybear17

[jaybear17]

[jaybear17]

Everything's a Sherlock post. Now just waiting for the Supernatural gif.

Have a history teacher explain this if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

  Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost a child while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Now it gets really weird. Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.” Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln” made by “Ford.” Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here’s the “kicker”: A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

  AND……………….: Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse… Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater…

  I saw this had to share just in case anyone did not know.

[jaybear17]

so my grandmother just told me a joke…

“Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?”

“I dunno, ‘cause flowers are pretty cool?”

“In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there.”

i just like omg grandMA NO 

[jaybear17]

Aw, too bad...

MOM BROUGHT FIVE GUYS HOME IM SO EXCITED OH MY GOD

[jaybear17]

what the fuck is a roosterteeth

why do people like Mark’s pliers?

[jaybear17]

My home made poster. =^-^=

[jaybear17]

Random Cryaotic Sentence Starters

But mostly Corpse Party.

“You open this fuckin’ button.”

“Can you please- [Name], baby, can you please…? Thank you I appreciate it.”

“Don’t ever fuckin’ do that again.”

“Do you want the orb?!”

“You’re full of shit!”

“She did the… tongue thing. She did the tongue thing!”

“Cool.”

“I tried to say Texas Ranger and it fucked up horribly.”

“They were fucking butchered!”

“Oh———h.”

“I—- don’t like you right now.”

“No——! I was doing so well!”

“Fuck you! I win!”

“Grab it!”

“Hit him with the ball!”

“What are you, what are you doing?! Oh my GOD!”

“*CACKLING* You can take their fucking head off holy shit.”

“This is quite a pretty place I find myself.” 

“That man has a nice beard.”

“Can’t find me now! Too slick for you!”

“Goddammit I was just… Fucking drunk. Sorry people make mistakes when it comes to dicks and booze!”

“We can’t take their stuff? I wanted to wear their clothes. Become them.”

“If this was any other game, you’d be dead right now.”

“[Name] is one of the newest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! And he’s not even a turtle!”

“This is basic baby shit, man, I know this stuff!”

“12 dollar parking? Fuck that.”

“Don’t put your dick in things that don’t got a ring attached to it.”

“And they’ll probably slap us. With guns. And then we’ll get knocked out. With guns.”

“*with a bad British accent* I think you might have forgot something there.”

“Oh wait. That had blood on it.”

“Gross.”

“We could just jump!”

“I don’t think we should jump. I mean I thought about it, but now I don’t think we should jump. It seems dangerous I don’t wanna do it.”

“What about you guys, haven’t talked to you in a bit.”

“Well, fuck you too, [name].”

“That is some crock of shit you have there my good sir!”

“I got a brick.”

“I’m gonna brick it. It’s kinda like how Wreck it Ralph’s gonna wreck it, I’m gonna brick it.”

“I don’t wanna kill you cuz you’re geting married!”

“Fuck, get away from me!”

“Get- Go to bed!”

“Well, I guess it’s time to open doors.”

“That’s not how class relationships work out in adulthood land.”

“You’re not dead…”

“I can move! Holy shit! I can move!”

“Your face is creepin’ me out.”

“Oh, so she’s one of those girls.”

“AKA he totally is down with that.”

“You also kinda look like an asshole, no offense.”

“So… You’re gonna be a big problem in this whole predicament.”

“Do they all have family issues? Jeez!”

“Well that’s nice there’s a pee bucket in the middle of the fuckin’ hallway.”

“Do I go for the booty? Or not the booty?”

“What? The hell is that sound? What the fuck is that sound?”

“Let’s open more doors.”

“I feel nervous.”

“It won’t open. Open!”

“I was not expecting any of this!”

“I really don’t think she does.”

“My butt is buttered up and ready for action.”

“Well, you’re kind of being a debby downer there, miss/mr [name]”

“You’re gonna die. I don’t want you to die!”

“No! No! No!”

“And now more things.”

“Fuckin’ hell.”

Ohhhhh… fffffffffu-fuck.”

“And now to do other stuff.”

“Ugh! Oh, fuck me softly!”

“I will juke you! I will juke the fuck out of you.”

“Ee-oh, that did not juke very well.”

“Don’t care that you died anymore, you’re kind of a dick.”

“Oh! I’m a bad boy! I smoke cigarettes!”

“And now, people are going to die.”

“Whoah! Whoah! Whoa-ah.”

“… I like you.”

“I do believe he/she’s going super sayan.”

“For some reason I thought this was this and it’s not really that so it just.. eh… yep.”

“Wait, who died? Someone died.”

“Well this is [name] actually uh she’s real dead she’s uh… Pbtlht.”

“Wait. Somewhere along the lines someone’s gonna piss in this bucket.”

“I really gotta go piss in a bucket, don’t I?”

“[Name], fill this with piss.”

“Hey! Hey… why do you look loopy?”

“You takin’ more freaky pictures [name]? You fuckin’ weirdo!

“Can I pee in the bucket now?”

“PEE IN THIS FUCKIN’ BUCKET.”

“Hey! Who the fuck are you? Dayum!”

“This is great! [Name] You’re with a crazy murderer person that’s great.”

“Fuck my curiosity!”

“This is indecent.”

“But there’s soap bubbles so it’s okay.”

“Kick in the fuckin’ door!”

“I quoted them somehow.”

“I really don’t like him.”

“Well one of them doesn’t have a head so she probably doesn’t need a tongue.”

“You’re not my friend actually you’re kind of just a bad person.”

“No, that is not being a good girl that’s being a dead girl.”

“I’m sorry [Name] she’s currently dead right now.”

“I like his hair!”

“I like his beanie!”

[jaybear17]

Cry: Everyone's been fired except me and Snake, right?

Cry: So... Late Night with Cry and Snake.

Snake: You're fat.

[jaybear17]

Person in game: I'm friendly!

Cry: Well I'M NOT! COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Cry: *kills him*

Cry: That's what you get for having a good personality!

[jaybear17]

“Hello HornyCry”

[jaybear17]

What’s happening here..

[jaybear17]

[jaybear17]

SNK! Characters as Couples (Part II)

Levi and Eren:

Jean and Marco:

Annie and Armin:

Ymir and Christa:

Sasha and Connie:

Reiner and Bertholdt:

Erwin and Levi:

Eren and Armin:

Mikasa and Jean:

Hanji and Erwin:

Armin and Erwin:

Mikasa and Eren:

Jean and Armin:

[jaybear17]

Eren: Walk into the club like whaddup I got a big c--

Levi: *glares*

Eren: CRAVAT. Sir.

[jaybear17]

Aren’t you the guy who vowed to eliminate all the Titans? You’re just gonna give up now, after reminding me what freedom looks like? You’re just gonna listen to this stupid shit? The fuck you will! Be a monster, Eren.

Levi to Eren in chapter 66, probably (via morganaskywalker)

[jaybear17]

[Levi x Eren] Attack On Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin)

bands, bae

[jaybear17]

Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little… “Surprise”. However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I. LOVE. war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago with your wife’s awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what’s right and what’s wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about: “Who get’s the box?” “What’s in the box?” “How much is what’s in the box worth?” Storage Wars. *chuckle* What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars… And certainly, no Cold Wars! (Blueballed for 40 years.) What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you’ve all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!

The (Abridged) Major (via aku-zen)