iwouldnotconsumeyou

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

we are hanging out again/seeing films semi-regularly. I am trying to be cool but I NEED HIM CARNALLY and romantically and not acting on it is impossibly hard all the time

#meetings in person #your pain doesn't matter #teacher attachment

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

he sent me a couple of pictures of him as a kid and it's toooooo cute

#messages and songs #teacher crush #teacher attachment

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

"my silence shouldn't be taken to mean I'm not thinking or feeling something" WHAT DOES THIS MEAN OLD MAN??

#messages and songs

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

not seeing him this week either. and he says probably not next week. I am d y i n g

#meetings in person #intermittent reinforcement

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

okay his dad died so this was even more unreasonable

B cancelled on our cinema trip less than an hour before. he got a call from the hospital and needed to leave immediately to visit his dad. I didn't know his dad was back in hospital again but it does happen every 9 months or so. every time it seems worse. I was pretty upset but I just saw the film by myself and sent him a message afterwards letting him know I'd do anything I could to help.

but here on my tumblr I will be unreasonable and bitchy and say: I hate that anything is more important than seeing me :'(

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

B cancelled on our cinema trip less than an hour before. he got a call from the hospital and needed to leave immediately to visit his dad. I didn't know his dad was back in hospital again but it does happen every 9 months or so. every time it seems worse. I was pretty upset but I just saw the film by myself and sent him a message afterwards letting him know I'd do anything I could to help.

but here on my tumblr I will be unreasonable and bitchy and say: I hate that anything is more important than seeing me :'(

#meetings in person #intermittent reinforcement #teacher crush

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

lol made the mistake of looking through my emails and found an old email where he called me darling 😭 when will this level of closeness return 😭

#teacher attachment #messages and songs #when somebody loved me

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

It's better to be an older man's darling than a younger boy's mom.

#pining

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

me and my undying urge to be someone’s favorite

#pining

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

9 hours until I see him HURRY UP TIME

#meetings in person #teacher attachment #teacher crush

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

wished him happy birthday. and he says he will email me about the book tomorrow!

#messages and songs

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

it was so good to see him. hard ending, so bad when he walks away.

we're going to read a fantasy series together. and I'm seeing him again next week for a film.

I wish it could feel like enough.

#meetings in person

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

he liked my christmas present for him <3 <3 I have a birthday present to give him when I see him tonight, since his birthday is next week. it's just a book but I hope he'll like that too.

#messages and songs #gifts

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

#meetings in person

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

oKAY

B has suggested we make regular (like, weekly) low-stakes plans to see each other, such as seeing a film. and (also?) that we go back to watching a tv show and messaging about it, or reading a book series and doing similarly.

I feel both reassured (he does want me in his life!) and disappointed (these are maybe not the most intimate things I want to do). but I also feel like it could build trust for more??

I hate being patient :/

#meetings in person #teacher attachment #teacher crush #messages and songs

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

bad girl, doing bad communication, continually not behaving right. he is still talking to me (just) but I have hurt him and upset him again. he doesn't feel how he did before and it's killing me to think i've screwed up what might have been possible with my behaviour

7 days until I see him

#messages and songs #pining #teacher crush

[iwouldnotconsumeyou]

we are emailing again which feels so good but I am greedy for more. every hour I don't hear from him = sad

10 days until I see him

#messages and songs