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But sometimes it’s very painful

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

— Oscar Wilde

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I remember when I started this blog, I wanted to practice writing. I don’t know what happened that I began nagging about my life. The plan was to write fiction, but I started writing about reality.

#writing

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One of the hardest things at the time is staying positive.

#fucking life #reality #secret #positive #positive depression

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Jean Delville (1867-1953) - La justice d’autrefois, 1907-1914 Mine de plomb sur papier

Dessin préparatoire du panneau décorant la salle de la Cour d’Assises du Palais de Justice de Bruxelles

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an icon. a mood. a legend.

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I hope the English language becomes genderless one day. If you have an experience with one of the genderless languages, you will see how life is easier that way.

What pronouns should we use to refer to Gwendolyn Christie's Lucifer, given that the character is referred to with he/him in the comics, is played by an actress who uses she/her, and angels are generally genderless?

Dream and I use "Lord Lucifer" and Lord Lucifer uses "we/us/ours" when formal and "I/me/mine" when informal. Beyond that, I think he or she or they are all fine, if you must use pronouns, and you do not believe that Lucifer deserves only nouns.

#writing #language #genderless languages #grammar

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I'm tired

#fucking life #reality

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lucifer losing against morpheus because they can’t counter his “i am hope.” and the following “what power would hell have if those imprisoned were not able to dream of heaven?” it makes me wanna scream, because of course!

hell’s first prisoner was its ruler. and they too dream of going home one day. and they can’t give up that hope. this dream is what gives hell power.

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Biography books made me more depressed. Each book and each author’s interview reminds me that I wasted all my time, and now it’s late.

#writing sense #despair #fucking life #reality #envy

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I start thinking there must be something wrong with me. Sometimes I can't understand simple sentences. When I try to make a sentence, words start playing trampoline on my brain.

All I wish is to tell a story.

#writing #reality #daydreaming #literature #storytelling #wishes

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Reality is imperfect past dreams.

“Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.”

— 2Pac

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I don’t know why I have no problem with any of those things people have issues with the Sandman, like aging, sexual orientation, or why Lucifer didn’t say “Dispair” against Dream’s “hope.” But I have an issue with something that nobody cares like, If the raven can travel between realms, why didn’t Jessamy return to tell them what happened to Morpheus? Lucienne said some dreams residents left to find him. So if she had told them about his captivity, they might have been able to help him. Maybe Jessamy was a self-centered bird like her master.

Or why are there bones and skulls in hell? The ones in hell are supposed to be tortured till eternity, so there is no death and decomposition of the body.

Or why do any nightmares that Dream sends to darkness or uncreates have enough time to finish their sentence?

Maybe these are proof that I’m fucking annoying!

#writing nonsense #the sandman

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I made my sister watch the Sandman. She is not a fan of these kind of “something-man” movies or tv shows at all. Thank God the first episode was good enough to get her hooked.

She finished episode 7 yesterday, and her first comment was, “Their family (The Endless) are more fucked up than ours.”

#broken family #the sandman #the endless #fucking life

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What would have happened if Desire had not intervened?

#insomnia #the sandman #dream of the endless #desire #useless thoughts

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Noted: you can’t edit a blank page, remember.

First drafts are SUPPOSED to suck

IMPORTANT Reminder that it’s totally okay to hate that first draft with a passion. 

The first draft is for making it exist. That’s all. You can edit the shit out of it later, and you’ll need to if you ever want to do your story justice, but not on the first dang draft. 

STOP letting that voice inside win and make you feel bad about your writing! It’s the first draft. 

Fix it later. 

Try to just have fun. Make it exist and make it as ugly as it comes out. Just make sure there’s something to edit later. You can’t edit a blank page, remember. 

Think process, not product. 

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little story

One night I tried to list all the emotions inside me. But I was empty! There was nothing inside me! I couldn’t understand how this was possible. Because a few minutes ago I felt ...., I couldn't remember! 

I sat and thought for an hour, but I couldn't remember. “Fuck it. Who cares what I feel” I thought to myself. I filled the emptiness with a dream of my missing half, lay in bed, and closed my eyes. 

I dreamed that all of my emotions stood around me. I thought they wanted to attack me. None of them had a face, though. One by one, they put a very long stick around me, made a cage, and imprisoned me in my dream. 

Now it has been years that I live in my cage in my dream with my body full of my missing half, daydreaming every second of it.

#writing #short fiction #daydreaming #emptiness #dream #missing M #fucking life

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Episode 6 of the Sandman on Netflix, in my opinion, is a masterpiece. Even in the book and the audio adaptation, this chapter is different. But I have one more reason to love this episode, and that is a feeling of envy.

Each time I watched this episode, I wished that my relationship with my sibling were like the relationship between Death and Dream. I miss my brother. I wish I could walk with him, talk to him, and tease each other.

I wish I had a friend like Hob Gadling to sit and talk and wait for each other. Remember his dialog with the bartender; I wish my friends were as brave as him.

Anyway, close friends and siblings weren’t my shares of this life, I suppose. I guess I will live the rest of my life with a great deal of envy, but lucky people who have both.

#fucking life #writing #reality #wishes #the sandman #the sound of her wings #missing M