Rose: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.
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Missy: What the fuck.
Missy: ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship.
Missy: Who the hell watches jump rope competiti- ooh bouncy.
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Jack: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.
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Dhawan!Master: We have fun, don’t we, Clara?
Clara: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.
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*Martha is speaking on the phone*
Martha: Yeah, I'm with Simm!Master.
Simm!Master: Im fucking dying-
Martha: Yep, they're okay.
Simm!Master: I have a knife in my chest!
Martha: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry.
Simm!Master: IM BLEEDING OUT-
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Martha: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.
Martha: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Martha: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Dhawan!Master: This is Monopoly.
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Donna: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
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Jack: Why is Clara crying?
River: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Clara: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Jack: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-
Clara: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Jack: NO, NOT THAT!
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Rose: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?
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Martha: Today, Rose took my phone, and in five minutes, they sent high resolution close-up photos of Jack to the following people: Simm!Master, River, Clara, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
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Clara: Compliment me.
River: You have eyes.
Clara: Yeah, that works.
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Missy: You look mentally ill.
Martha: I am. Let’s go.
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Martha: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.
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Donna: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!
Jack: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Donna's* hey besties !!1!
Donna: I literally hate you so much.
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Jack, texting: The Doctor, will you please go to sleep?
The Doctor, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?
Jack, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!
Jack, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?
The Doctor, texting: I’m trying
Jack, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH
Jack, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)
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Jack: This is a safety pin.
*cuts off end*
Jack: It is now a danger pin.
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Jack: Hey, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.
Martha: I’ll wash the walls red with your blood.
Jack: Okay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time.
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