imoosebedreaming
C.J. Adams: I Moose Be Dreaming
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Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. You could be reading a book, playing with your kids, or working your ass off to become a rockstar. The few minutes you spend reading this mean the world to me.
Last night, I wrote that I quit my job and have decided to move to Chattanooga.
The response I received was so incredibly overwhelming, and truly made it one of the most incredible nights of my life. The power of social media really revealed itself to me last night.
Keep reading. Seriously. Do it.
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I quit my job.
Today I did something wild and crazy….I quit my job.
I surprised many of friends, family, and co-workers with the news that I am leaving Birmingham and moving to the metropolis of Chattanooga, Tennessee.....
Read the rest here.
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Would it be too forward to me to lay in your arms?
**Discaimer: I am not Asian, and she did not look like this.**
Once upon a time, I was at a bar. If this comes as a surprise to you, we obviously have not met. Anyway, I was watching a basketball game with some friends, when a woman that was at least 6 inches taller than me walked up and started conversation.
Tall Woman: There's a weird Mormon guy that keeps talking to me. Act like you know me.
C.J.: Ummmm okay?
After a few minutes of her jabbering, she left and went back to the Mormon, only to bring the Mormon back to meet us. He didn't stick around long after that. Tall Woman then proceeded to take a seat next to me and talk my ear off. I paid her no attention, which was obviously the wrong play on my part, as it just encouraged her to try harder. Eventually this occurred:
Tall Woman: Will you go outside with me?
C.J.: No.
Tall Woman: Please just go outside with me.
C.J.: No. I'm watching the game.
Tall Woman: Let's go outside.
C.J.: Damn it. Fine.
So, we went outside. While we were out there, she told me about how her apartment was really close and other super interesting facts about herself. The final straw was when the following happened:
Tall Woman: Would it be too forward of me to lay in your arms?
C.J.: That sounds like an absolutely terrible idea.
Tall Woman: WHY???
C.J.: Because we are in the middle of a bar, and I don't want you to lay in my arms.
I then walked away and went back inside. Tall Woman was not deterred, though. She kept hinting for me to pay her tab and leave with her. I eventually paid my tab and left her there with my friend.
In closing, yes, it would definitely be too forward of you to lay in my arms, Tall Woman.
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Life of a Slum Lord
In case you haven't heard, I am a slum lord. When you google "slum lord," this is the first image that pops up:
This is not me....at all.
As a slum lord, I get to have the distinct pleasure of dealing with some of the most entertaining, idiotic individuals in the world. The stories I have are numerous, and if you would like to hear them all, you will have to take me to dinner. (I prefer a high class establishment, so that I can tout my slumlord-ness).
For those of you who have no intention of taking me to dinner, I guess I'll share one of my favorites stories on this here interweb.
A couple of months ago, on a Monday morning, a woman came into my office, and we had the following conversation
Woman: I had a cat jump out of my oven yesterday.
C.J.: You have my attention.
Woman: Well, I was sitting on my couch watching TV, and I heard my oven rattling. So, I got up and opened my oven. OUT POPPED A BLACK CAT!
C.J.: A cat? A live cat?
Woman: Yep. So, I called the police.
C.J.: Is there something you would like me to do about this?
Woman: No. I just wanted to let you know.
C.J.: Super! Have a wonderful day.
This is my life. I am a slum lord.
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Awkward Date Number 576
In case you haven't had the distinct pleasure of meeting me, I fancy myself to be a strapping gentleman, who would be quite a catch for any number of lucky ladies. What separates me from all of the other 20-somethings in the great state of Alabama, however, is that I have no desire to settle down any time soon. This typically does not sit well with females, who have it in their mind that if they are not married by the ripe old age of 23, they are destined to be an old maid.
But alas, I digress.....
A few months back, I met a lovely lady (let's call her Sally) at a bar that I happen to be a frequent patron of. At that point in my life, I was going through one of my "non-drinking phases" and happened to mention that fact to Sally.
A few days later, I called and asked Sally if she would like to grab a drink with me. Thankfully, she obliged. Upon telling my friends that I was going to have drinks with Sally, every single one of them brought up an interesting point: I don't drink, yet I asked a girl out for drinks.
With that, I had a predicament. Option A was that I could make Sally drink alone, while I sipped on a refreshing ice water, which would have been incredibly awkward. Option B was that I could have a drink and hope that she didn't remember my whole "non-drinking phase."
I went with Option B.
The ensuing conversation was quite predictable:
Sally: "I thought you said you didn't drink."
C.J.: "Ummmmmm.....I uhhhhhh......so how about that weather?"
Needless to say, we didn't have a second date.
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He's back....
Friends, family, gentlemen, and gentlewomen!
It is with great excitement that I announce my return to the land of blogging. After a prolonged hiatus filled with all sorts of lackluster activities, I'm back in the saddle again. After all, I can only watch so many episodes of Saved By The Bell and Dawson's Creek.
In the coming days, weeks, months, years, and decades, you can expect stories that are sure to keep you anything but entertained. But, alas, I plead with you to read anyway. Do you really have anything better to do? Exactly.
With that, here's to me and my return to being a daily form of entertainment for you and yours!
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Funny Picture Thursday
The ONLY honest politician.
Why are cats so funny?
Perfect.
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Oldest One in the Room....
Over the weekend, I went to a sorority formal. Yep, you read that right. I, C.J. Adams attended a sorority formal. Feel free to laugh. I observed a myriad of things, though, in this experience:
1. College guys don't know what a tuxedo is. Seeing what these guys threw together to create a faux-tux was quite amusing. I saw quite a few basic dress shirts with tuxedos. I also saw quite a few gray suits with the addition of a cummerbund and bow tie. Step it up, fellas.
2. Bus rides with college students are cruel and unusual form of torture. I was required to ride a bus to the formal. As such, I got to hear a drunk sorority girl scream over the bus microphone for 45 minutes. She tried to get us to do cheers and to sing. I kid you not. Forget Guantanamo....make the terrorists ride on a bus with that girl.
3. Having a friend chaperone you is kind of awkward. When I arrived at the bus, it turned out that one of my friends was the chaperone. She laughed. I laughed. Then, she searched me for booze. Welcome to life.
4. Most people don't get my humor. I thought it would be funny to not smile in a single picture. So, there are a lot of pictures of my date and me in which I either look creepy or I am dancing around. Nobody else thought that this was nearly as funny as I did....
5. I can still have fun at sorority formals. I had a damn good time because I had an incredible date. We danced the night away. We made fun of people. We had fun. I need more nights like that.
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The Dentist....
I have to go to the dentist today for my regular check-up. As I prepare myself for this hellish experience, I wonder if there is anyone that actually enjoys going to the dentist. My guess is no; there is no way that someone could like such an unfortunate experience.
Then again, I enjoy things that many people dislike greatly....like mornings. So, maybe there is someone out there that enjoys dentist appointments like I enjoy mornings. If you are one of these people or you know a person that fits this description, please have them call me as soon as possible. I have many questions for such a person.
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Friday Five
1. Favorite Kardashian Divorce Tweet:
2. Favorite Blog Post: Occupy Opportunity by Matt Cheuvront....Matt is a fellow alumnus of the esteemed Belmont University. Other than Brad Paisley, Josh Turner, and that dude from the movie, The New Guy, he is the most famous alumnus. His thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street movement are spot on. Check it out, kids.
3. Favorite Contest: Wamjo Calendar Contest....This is shameless self promotion, but this is my blog so deal with it. Wamjo is having a calendar contest at Mississippi State. To vote for your favorite girl, check out our Facebook page. The response we have gotten has been absolutely incredible.
4. Favorite Picture: I love autumn.
5. Favorite Quote: Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world...would do this, it would change the earth. -William Faulkner
#kardashian divorce#funny#occupy better places than wall street#shameless self promotion#autumn#pictures#quotes
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Ole Miss Bound
Tomorrow I'll be in Oxford hanging out at Ole Miss all day pimping Wamjo. I'll be outside of the Student Center, trying to get people's attention. I'm thinking of learning a break dance routine....opinions?
Anyway, if you or anyone you know go to Ole Miss and want to laugh, stop on by....I'll be the guy asking folks if they want to wamjo with me.
By the way, really hoping I see a Rebel Black Bear.
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National Author's Day
Apparently today is National Author's Day. As such, I figured you should get a glimpse into my reading life with a list of my favorite authors.
Sam Davidson-Anything this guy write is gold. He'll make you think about what's important in your life. He'll make you question why you do the things you do. He'll help you find the real you. Read his stuff.
Ben Coes-I'm a military/CIA thriller junkie, and Ben is one of my favorite new authors. His first book, Power Down, was incredible. Read it now.
Brad Thor-Again, I am a military/CIA thriller junkie. I've read every single one of Brad's books. Do they have similar plot lines? Sure, but they are all fantastic. Get on it, kids.
Blake Mycoskie-You've probably heard of Blake before. He's the Founder and Chief Shoe Giver of Toms Shoes. He recently came out with his first book, Start Something That Matters. If you want to read a great story about a great company and be influenced along the way, take a gander.
Vince Flynn-This is yet another military/CIA thriller author. Like Brad Thor, I have read all of Vince's books, as well. They are all intriguing and capture your attention from beginning to end.
Ben Mezrich-Ever heard of the movie 21? What about The Social Network? Both of those films are based off of books by Ben Mezrich. He interviews and gets to know young people who have done incredible things and then writes the interview in story form, changing the names of people but retaining most of the facts. This is awesome stuff.
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All Aboard the Cain Train
In case you haven't heard, the 2012 Presidential campaigns have already started. Personally, I'm already sick of it. Do these folks really need to start campaigning and wasting money so far in advance?
Anyway, the GOP candidates are coming out with television ads right now. Most of them talk about doing what is good for America or promoting an endorsement they got. Herman Cain's ad just confuses me.
I'm not really sure why someone thought it was a good idea to interview Cain's campaign manager of an ad. Even worse is the fact that it ends with him taking a drag of his cigarette. Ummm excuse me?
Oh well, all aboard the Cain Train....
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Friday Five
1. Favorite Blog Post: Hearing the Difference by Sam Davidson….Sam is a man that is smarter than the average bear, kind of like Yogi. Anyway, this is an incredible post about stretching yourself, urging you to listen to opinions that are completely different than your own. Hearing different viewpoints helps to evaluate why you believe the things you do. It may end up just confusing the hell out of you, and that’s okay too. Read this. Now.
2. Favorite Song: Red Solo Cup by Toby Keith….An ode to the drinkware we all know so well, this song is going to become the anthem of frat parties across the nation. Even if you don’t like drinking beverages out of red solo cups, take a listen to this song. If you don’t laugh, that’s too bad because it’s actually quite funny.
3. Favorite Wish List Item: Steve McQueen edition Triumph T100….As many of you may know, I am a big fan of Steve McQueen. He epitomized cool in my opinion. I’ve been wanting a motorcycle for quite some time, and I think this would probably be the greatest bike to fill that desire with.
4. Favorite Picture: Autumn.....
5. Favorite Quote:
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Funny Picture Thursday
Why are cats so funny?
Sexual harassment space, eh? At least they are honest.
I'm all about The Bible, but I don't think frying it is the best way to appeal to the masses.
Ummmmmm who had this genius idea?
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Why Don't Football Coaches Wear Pads?
Last night, as I was perusing the Twitter world, Andy Davis (probably the coolest fellow Belmont alumnus I have never met) brought up a good point: why is baseball the only sport in which players and coaches wear the same uniforms?
This got me thinking, trying to find another sport that has players and coaches wearing the same thing, and I could not come up with anything. The closest is golf, but let's be honest, that doesn't really count.
What would it be like if Nick Saban wore a uniform, pads, and a helmet? Or, if Doc Rivers wore a Celtics uniform while coaching?
Anybody have any guesses as to why baseball coaches are the only coaches that wear uniforms?
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A Little Bit of Awesome: Imogene and Willie
On Saturday, I drove 6 hours for a pair of jeans. Yes, you read that right....6 hours for a pair of jeans. You may be asking yourself if these jeans are magical or incredibly rare. The answer is a resounding sort of. That is, to me, they are magical and incredibly rare; to you, they may seem like just another pair of jeans.
I took a little road trip with my dear friend, Alex, to visit Imogene and Willie in Nashvegastown (aka Nashville) in order to buy a pair of jeans. I am an avid fan of denim. There is just something special about a pair of really worn in jeans. My new jeans from Imogene and Willie are currently stiff as a board, but I am going to have the pleasure of breaking them in myself. The wear patterns, the holes, rips, the tears....they will all be mine. These things will tell a story, the story of my life, as I wear the same pair of jeans every single day.
So, maybe you are starting to understand why I drove 6 hours for a pair of jeans, but you are still a little confused. That's perfectly fine. Another aspect of Imogene and Willie that I love is that the jeans are made in the USA. They are made in the back of the Nashville shop. How cool is that? Instead of sacrificing quality and having the jeans made in China, Matt and Carrie (the owners) chose the route of producing a premium, American made blue jean. I will always pay more for a product if it has a made in America tag.
Lastly, Imogene and Willie is simply one of the coolest stores I have ever been in. Unfortunately, they opened just as I moved away from Nashville, which is why this past weekend was my first time in the shop. They converted an old service station into their storefront/cutting room. There are blue jeans everywhere. I was in heaven.
If you haven't been to Imogene and Willie, go now. Support a small business that manufactures products in America. Experience something different.
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