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Ch. 17 - Test

The night passed with silence between you and Gojo, both of you choosing not to acknowledge the tangled web of emotions that had enveloped your encounter in the shower. It was as though an unspoken agreement hung in the air, the elephant in the room that revolved around your commitment to Seiko. You retreated to the guest room for the night, your designated sleeping space. Gojo, too, went to his bedroom, the room where you once spent the night side-by-side. The mission to find Sukuna's severed finger loomed over your head, and it was your duty to resolve it, even if that meant ignoring the emotional turmoil that had been plaguing you ever since you left Tokyo the first time.

The golden rays of the sunlight came through the curtains, illuminating the room with a gentle warmth. You stretched out on your back and yawned, your body fully relaxed for once. Something about the aura in the room was positively radiant. It felt as though all of your troubles were soaked up with the arrival of the sunrise.

You soaked up the happiness for just a few seconds too long. As those few seconds passed, your body fully waking up and gaining lucidity, you began to feel the fear set in once again. You shifted in bed, lying on your side once more and hugging a pillow while your mind tormented you. The memory of that steamy shower with Satoru was still vivid, but now overshadowed by the nagging worry that had been clawing at the edges of your consciousness. Your fear turned physical, as it had many mornings so far. It was a sensation that plagued you for some time, and now, in the quiet of the morning, it was impossible to ignore. Your stomach suddenly lurched, mouth filling with saliva, as the nausea returned. You were about fed up waking this way, but considering the circumstances, going to the doctor was the last thing on your mind. You were far too busy, but apparently not busy enough for contemplation.

You pressed a trembling hand to your abdomen, the tender skin beneath your palm radiating warmth. You had a hunch of what it was but admitting it to yourself was a whole other monster, however, you knew you couldn't keep procrastinating the inevitable -- it wouldn't make the problem go away. A mixture of emotions cascaded through your heart, a fear of the unknown and the uncertain future it carried. But at the same time, something about it felt...warm, hopeful even. With each wave of nausea, you couldn't help but wonder what it would mean for you, for Seiko. The idea of carrying Satoru's child, even amid the chaos and danger, held a quiet allure. You shook your head at the very thought. You were with Seiko now, this was something that should devastate you.

In any case, you had to confront the truth. You needed to know for sure before adding this conflict to the slurry you already had to attend to. You quickly got ready for the day, slipping out of Gojo's apartment in a hushed silence before he had a chance to wake up himself.

The weather was gorgeous and quite the contrast to what was going on in your head. The world around you seemed to blur in your peripheral vision as you walked to the nearest convenience store. Your steps felt heavier than usual, each one echoing the growing heaviness in your heart. You couldn't escape the gnawing doubts that kept resurfacing.

Arriving at the store, still quiet with few patrons so early, you entered with a mission. You were determined to quell your rising fears and confirm or deny the looming truth. The fluorescent lights overhead were harsh, casting a sterile glow over the shelves filled with various items for family planning. You found yourself staring at the display of pregnancy tests, your heart hammering your chest. Each box seemed to hold a world of possibilities, the smiling women on the front almost taunting you. The sight of them sent a fresh wave of uncertainty coursing through you. You reached for one of the boxes and clutched it tightly in your hand, not caring about whether it was the type that'd give a vague answer like those two pink lines or one that would outright display 'Pregnant' on its front.

The walk to the cashier felt endless, and you couldn't help but wonder if the cashier could somehow see the turmoil in your eyes. As you paid for the test, the cashier handed you a small, discreet bag, their expression unreadable even as you mentally berated yourself. The act of purchasing the test had made the situation all the more real, and you couldn't escape the swirl of emotions that it brought with it.

Leaving, you carried it with you like some sort of heavy secret. The journey back to Satoru's flat was marked by a storm of thoughts and worries. What would you even do? How would it impact your relationship with Seiko? You'd found out about Seiko's unfortunate situation regarding fertility early on in your relationship and considering your then thoughts about being a parent, it didn't matter to you. But at that point, it would be all too telling of what happened that night after dinner with Gojo.

The door to the condo loomed ahead, and you entered with trepidation. You quickly locked the door behind you and turned to skitter back to the guest room for the en-suite bathroom, but you were met with, what shouldn't have been, an unexpected sight.

Gojo, still in his disheveled state, was awake and happily cooking eggs on the stove.

He turned to you with a wide smile and a single nod. "Good morning! You're out early!"

"Morning..." you replied, your voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

You tried to discreetly hide the bag behind your back, but it was already too late. His gaze had already met with the bag and his eyebrows raised in intrigue. "What's that you've got there? Early morning konbini run?" His tone was a bit teasing, as it almost always was.

Your eyes darted to the left for a split second in thought, drafting up some kind of white lie to tell him. "Oh, it's just...uh, some new skincare products I wanted to try," you said, your cheeks flushing slightly as you hoped he'd buy your explanation. "They only sell them here, not back home."

Gojo paused his movements with the pan and chopsticks in his hand to squint his eyes at you, as if he couldn't see you any better with his special eyes. "Skincare products, huh?" He mused, his grin widening. "You know, your skin already looks pretty flawless to me."

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment as is gaze locked onto yours. For a moment, you felt exposed, as if he could see right through your flimsy excuse. Your heart raced, and beneath the calm smile you tried to maintain, a whirlwind of panic churned.

"Th-thanks, Satoru. I just thought it might be fun to experiment with some new stuff."

The silence that followed was deafening. You couldn't help but continue to stare at him to gauge his reaction. His raised eyebrows and the subtle quirk of his lips revealed that he wasn't entirely convinced by your explanation. You'd always prided yourself on your ability to usually stay composed under pressure, but this was different. This was a secret you couldn't afford to reveal. Your loyalty to Seiko and the consequences of your actions were at stake.

Relieved that he didn't press further, you made your way to the guest bathroom. You quickly grabbed the test out of the bag and tossed the plastic aside. Your hands trembled as you unboxed the little, plastic stick; you took a moment to read the tiny print of the instructions. As you prepared to take the test, your mind drifted back to the potential future you faced. The truth was, you weren't prepared for the potential consequences of a positive test, and the uncertainty of what could happen was a heavy burden to bear. But what the hell was this strange feeling of hope fluttering your chest?

You followed the instructions carefully, trying to steady your trembling hands. When finished, you put the cap back on the end of the test and delicately placed it on the edge of the bathroom sink. You set the lid to the toilet down and sat on top of it.

The seconds felt like hours as you waited for the results to appear, your mind racing with thoughts of what might come next. Impatiently, your leg began to shake as you tried to bide your time. You felt like you needed to focus on something but looking at your phone or reading the back of the air freshener can would be too distracting from the situation you were in. In short, you were stuck. As the minutes ticked by, you couldn't help but reflect on the complexity of your situation. The tangled web of emotions and commitments was suffocating, and now, the possibility of a pregnancy only added to the chaos. You were devoted to Seiko, you loved them with all of your heart. If you had to answer who your best friend was, you'd say it was Seiko...right?

But Satoru... there was that lingering attraction and connection you felt for him. The thought of having his child, even though it was based on a one-time, now two-time, encounter, stirred a mix of emotions within you.

The timer on your phone began to chime, snapping your body from its thought-filled trance. You quickly stopped the alarm from making any more noise. The moment of truth had arrived. Your heart pounded in your chest as you gently picked up the stick, your hands still trembling. Right in front of you, plain as day and dark as night, you saw the results. A wave of emotions rushed over you. Your eyes welled up with tears as you stared at the tiny indicator at the center of the test.

Positive.

Reality came crashing down upon you, like a storm threatening to drown you. You knew how much more complicated things were about to be. You had to tell the truth to Seiko at this point...and to Satoru. The conflict between your loyalty to Seiko and the undeniable connection you had with Gojo was now compounded by the news of a possible pregnancy. Just like that, the weight had come back down on your shoulders.

Suddenly, you heard a knock on the door. "Y/N!" Satoru chimed. You could almost hear his smile from the other side as you were snapped out of your trance. "I've got breakfast if you want some! I worked real hard on it!" His sudden knocking had caused you to drop the stick and panic as he spoke about breakfast. When you didn't immediately reply, he continued. "C'mon...you know you want some!"

In your panic, you thought of nothing more to do than to just toss the test into the trash can and quickly open the door. You quickly wiped your face of your brief tears before officially turning the knob. "Satoru," you smiled wide as if you weren't up to anything.

"You okay?" He asked, furrowing his brow and tilting his head. In his hands, he held a delicious looking plate -- simple eggs and toast making your mouth water, but not for long.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you nodded and went to take the plate when the scent of the breakfast reached the deep innards of your sinuses. It was a big nope.

You were suddenly repulsed by the smell of eggs, a new symptom of your wonderful condition. Almost instantly, you needed to purge. You flew right for the toilet, throwing up its lid and immediately dry-heaving. With nothing in your stomach, there was nothing to come up.

"Whoa, sorry," he muttered as he watched you struggle. "Forgot about you not feeling well."

"Don't worry about it," you dismissed him with your hand when you came back to a stand.

You happily took the plate from him with a furrowed brow, wanting to save face and keep him in the dark as long as you could. With plate in hand, you brushed past him to get to the dining table to eat while Satoru lingered behind in confusion. Suspicion nagged at the back of his mind with your strange demeanor. He couldn't resist the urge to investigate what you had been up to. With silent steps, he walked deeper into the bathroom, glancing around casually with his hands safely in his pockets in search for that 'new skincare' you were so eager to try. It didn't take long for his keen eyes to settle on the trash can of the guest bathroom, where the only thing in it was a box, some paper, and a single, very recognizable plastic stick.

His breath caught in his throat as soon as he laid eye on it. He almost couldn't, but he persisted and picked up the pregnancy test from the trash. His eyes settled on the positive result and it quickly sent a shock wave through him, his thoughts beginning to race. The nausea should've been a tell-tale sign, especially with the whole breakfast incident, but he hadn't connected the dots. He realized then that he had to let you go, you were having a child with Seiko. It was the official sign that he needed to give you your space -- something he should have done from the start. Something inside of him sank.

He swallowed hard and carefully placed the test right back where he found it. He took in a deep breath to fix his expression before heading back out into the dining room to join you. His idea was to not pry. It was something private between you and Seiko without his involvement, and he wanted to keep it that way for you.

Meanwhile, you were sat at the large table alone, trying your best to maintain a face of normalcy. The aroma of breakfast filled the air, still making you nauseous as you ingested anyways. All the while, you were suppressing quite the mixture of anxiety and excitement.

Gojo eventually joined you at the dining table, his face a mask of calm and neutrality itself. For all you could see, he had a completely placid expression which eased your nerves. He took his seat, his eyes meeting yours with a knowing look that sent a shiver down your spine, bringing the anxiety right back. His brief but intense, blue stare suddenly caused a moment of clarity. You left it out in the open, you dipshit!

You quickly looked back down at your breakfast as you felt your face heating up. You tried your best to take a deep breath with your next bite to keep a straight face. The unspoken understanding between the two of you hung in the air, a secret shared by a stolen glance. You eyes floated back to him carefully as he began to eat his own breakfast, his eyes locked on the plate rather than you and your hesitance to continue eating. Neither of you mentioned the pregnancy test, and an uneasy silence settled between you as you began to eat. The elephant in the room loomed large and despite the casual conversation that ended up happening, your thoughts kept circling back to the revelation that would change everything.