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Speaking of MLP AU

#nice art #love the style #Penguin #Rarity #Oswald Cobblepot

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come on dude concentrate

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i am begging on my hands and knees that you draw davekat long distance relationship... THE PAIN IS MY PLEASURE

what if Sburb returns the players back to where they started when they win the game, keeping their memories intact so they dont forget the "amazing adventure" they lived?

#damn that really made me tear up a bit i just imagined all that despair that they are in .... #dude this is cruel #love the art tho!!! gorgeous!! #davekat #karkat vantas #dave strider #homestuck

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that was a reallyyyyy long hiatus of mine. all i have is kyman styff sooo. :d

some panderverse some memes some other weird things sorry guys

#kyman #south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #sp #sp kyman

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i like how every time kyman are in a deadly serious situation cartman is always the one to be helpful, he’s willing to stop their fighting and he even lets himself say something nice and genuine.

and that makes me think that when they grow up and kyle eventually gets in a reaaaally shitty situation when he needs help, cartman will be the one to immediately get serious and help him with anything that’s possible. (if kyle accidentally fucked up and committed a crime, cartman would totally be the one to help him cover everything up)

he can be serious when he realises kyle actually needs his help (but of course he’ll laugh and mock him after taking care of everything, and maybe he’ll even ask for a payment just because he’s still an asshole lmao)

examples under the cut: imaginationland, bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, SMUG ALERT!!!!!

in addition: cartman, surprisingly, is very sentimental, and he was pretty open about his feelings in first seasons (bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, tourette syndrome, conjoined fetus lady, etc.) but none of the boys really appreciated it, always making fun of cartman’s genuine expression of his positive emotions, and it makes him bottle up those nice things he want to say.

the best proof of this theory is definitely “tourette syndrome” where he says all those sincere things to kyle (“i love you kyle, you must really care about me”) at the exact moment when he was physically unable of lying or hiding his true thoughts.

summing up, cartman thinks of his friends (and kyle especially) much more than he tries to show it and you all gotta admit it.

#is it okay not to be okay with them #BC IM NOT OKAY. #btw i love kyman pda <3 #yeeee my worst nemesis it would be perfectly fine if i just hug him anytime i want #i love the analysis behind it all. like. why fandom thinks that cartman is pure evil? LOOK AT THIS BOY. #be nice to HIM /ref #also kyman for the win nobody do this like they do #kyman #sp #south park #eric cartman #kyle brovlofski

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marvel fan stan confirmed? imagine the crossover -

also can we take a moment to appreciate stan marsh canonically being a fan of spiderverse

#dc cartman at that point #not really sure about kyle he is definitely more found of x-men #im not okay about this all

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girl im literally crying and screaming WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?¿?¿?¿? WHY IS IT SO KYMAN. WHY. IM UNDER THE TABLE

ive heard the new sp special finally came out i am SO excited to watch it HOPE IT’LL GIVE ME SOME KYMAN FOOD PLEASE

#also watched new special. stunned #kyman for the win

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i have no idea if anyone remembers that kyman university au of mine but im still hyperfixating on it so just a smaaaall piece of a funny dialogue aka “everyone thinks kyle and cartman were dating”

***

"Dude, I'll beat you in every debate," Cartman chuckled smugly.

Kyle shook his head proudly, giving him a haughty look.

“You? Beating me? You must have forgotten that I was the head of the debate club at school”.

Cartman's eyes flashed with a predatory gleam, and he readily extended his hand to Broflovski, as if he had been waiting for that. The air between them seemed to sparkle with tension, and Kyle grabbed his palm defiantly.

"A bet, then?" Kyle nodded, and the audience – their classmates standing behind him — enthusiastically supported them.

“In case of loss, you suck my balls, Kaaahl”, Cartman smiled nastily, watching as Kyle nodded eagerly by inertia, and then, having realised the last remark, went furious, indignantly opening his mouth.

“What the fuck?! Do you think I'll fall for it again?”

The crowd behind him gasped in shock, and Kyle instantly blushed, turning to them in a mute attempt to defend himself. Rebecca squeaked "again?" in surprise, and Cartman, as if he knew that this would happen, sighed sympathetically:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kyle... Sorry, guys, he doesn't really like to remember this episode of our life, you know?”

***

i LOVE that it’s pretty canon that because of kyle people usually think there’s something between him and cartman (“this two brave lovers…”, “oh, so you two are like this, huh?🤨” in the “Tonsil Trouble”) AND CARTMAN NEVER DENIES IT

#AHH I MISSED YOUR IDEAS SM <3 #its nice to see that youre updaring content about this au its so cool!! keep it up #love your ideas sm and also youre hyperfunny #waiting for the enitere work to be published some day :D #sp #south park #kyman

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hey i love the concept!!! its like match them so good with all this justice stuff. i think kyle would be the guy with the loudest screams about how just his choices are but honestly i dont think he even listened of what cartman couldve said in his voice drama. kyle already knew that he is going to vote cartman guilty without giving it a second thought. or even thinking once.

kyle would think like "well yes cartman totally guilty he killed scott's parents without hesitation only for revenge it wasnt even an act of self defense he killed them with cold blood" but the thing is everyone who was put in milgram was a murderer. technically they're all guilty and kyle could've vote them all guilty but he hadn't. he feels too much sympathy with them and shares an agreement with himself that theyre not as guilty as cartman. for every murder he could find a purpose, an explanation, something that could give kyle a clarification to case. but not for cartman :) how convenient, right?) for an instance im totally random with this one but kenny - killed people to feed his siblings and save them from starving to death. kenny slaughtered way more people and there was no really practical purpose for it, he couldve just mugged them and leave without money. but naah he killed them just after took the money. did it like over twenty times, batman if he was more brutal and uhh not really a batman. kenny ofc only robbed & killed rich ppl calling it some sort of vengeance but of course it wasnt really like that. they were just excuseses and also i must say that vigilantes are cool and stuff until they develop their own ruthless ways of punishing people with no order.

but for some reason knowing this kyle still listened to kenny and gave him a chance bc his reason was "more significant" than cartman's. it did not occur to kyle that this was pure hypocrisy on his part, from the begining he had no prejudice against kenny, but there were to cartman, and still even with twenty murders Kenny was somehow innocent and cartman with count of two has been fould guilty.

cartman knew that it will be like that eventually, that kyle does not give a fuck about what he calls justice he only wants punishment for those who deserve it but only on his opinion, only from his point of view, he literally distinguishes between good killers and bad killers and calls it justice? he calls THIS justice? when he says that some murderers had their REASONS TO KILL?? kill innocent people? kyle really doesn't know a shit about justice (it would be so cool to show how fucked up and distorted his understanding of concept of justice in your university au so he is like haha laws i dont know a shit about them)

and like that, imagine only cartman was guilty from like ten people. imagine that. i dont think cartman will throw a tantrum about it, he was sure that this is what will happen if they give a power to judge people to someone like kyle. yeees he is all that "protecter of innocent souls" but where his majesty was when he concider those who killed - totally innocent? and cartman knew where to push. he just say it in his face to see that spark of doubt in kyles eyes. he will take him apart brick by brick until kyle realizes how wrong he was. but it will be too late.

YEEEES SORRY I JUST LOVE THE CONCEPT OF THIS SO MUCH IM NOT OKAY ABOUT ERIC KYLE AND THEME OF JUSTICE AMONG THEM. IM UTTERLY INSANE

it has become my tradition to mix my new fandom obsession with kyman so now. just imagine them in the concept of milgram. with cartman (and other nine people) as a prisoner who committed murders and kyle as a guard who has to decide if the prisoners’ sins deserve forgiveness or punishment.

and imagine the slowburn when kyle first sees cartman who’s being way too arrogant and rude so he gets voted as guilty without hesitation. and then there’s the second trial, and kyle gets to know more about cartman, and now he’s torn apart by his sense of justice that wants to vote cartman guilty and his hidden feelings that scream about innocence.

and, well, i don’t know why, but this concept seems sooo fitting for kyman. the idea of justice, of forgiveness and punishment, of sins and misdeeds namnxjzkxnsk them

sorry for chaotic posting if someone’s interested (are there any milgram enjoyers….) i can create a whole au cuz im really into milgram rn,,,

#kyle brovlofski #eric cartman #sp kyman #kyman #sp #south park

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Ring a ring o' Roses

Here's my favorite girl Rose Lalonde ♡

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I did something <3

#i adore these sm #love the colors!!! #best women ever <333 #jade harley #porrim maryam #homestuck

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both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.

#YOU FINALLY BACK MISSED YOUR HC SO MUCH #theyre hella good like girl i adore the way you writhe them and spend time literally explaining their relationships #it totally worth it i love kyman so much and the fact that they are kinda #the different sides of one coin #unhinged little freaks AHHHH #also in awe with fact that they didn't just drop the debates they just keep going but only with each other #like i said relationship goals THIS IS SO PERFECT #they dont need a stupid debate club anyway indeed they only need each other for good time spending #i love itttt so much girl you have such a talent cant stop admiring you CAN I KISS YOUR BRAINS PLSSSSS??? #anyway haha love gay ppl thank you for your work!!!! #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #south park

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do you ship Stary (Stan x Gary)?

oh my god ABSOLUTELY. for some reason i got reaaally into it and came up with an au of how they got closer. i’m not usually a fan of ships with one-episode characters, but stary is SO great. HOLD ON LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT AU

okay, so, we all know how “all about mormons” ended and that we have never heard of gary after that, right? now just let’s imagine he stayed in the school, in the same class as stan and others, but visibly started to avoid the main four. he hung out with the “background kids” and mostly girls, because they all adored how nice he is.

it didn’t actually make any difference for main four – they still thought gary was lame and were not interested in talking to him since he’s not a new kid in the class anymore. they all didn’t really like him. except for stan.

stan couldn’t get the thought of gary out of his head for all the following years. he didn’t make any attempts to befriending gary again, because he knew guys wouldn’t understand and he was terrified of hearing rejection again, so he mostly just… kinda secretly looked through gary’s social media once a week (or more often) and sometimes watched him out of the corner of his eye in the classroom.

he saw that gary was doing pretty fine without him, so he didn’t wanna be an inconvenience, but the thought. the thought that he had missed his chance to be friends with one of the most sincere and comforting people in the whole school only because of the peer pressure.

but he didn’t thought he could have a chance to reconnect until he has heard that gary’s parents are getting a divorce and that the “perfect mormon house” secretly had its troubles. and then, as it was absolutely destined, after the lessons ended, he sees gary sitting in the classroom all alone with a blank expression on his face and tired look in his eyes. and without giving it a second thought he walks up to gary and asks if everything’s fine.

and they start talking. for an hour, if not more. stan know some shit about divorcing parents, troubles at home and an urge to drink to feel happy (which turned out to be gary’s problem too), so he know how to support him, and gary is such a great listener. they start with discussing gary’s family problems, then eventually they start remembering their first time seeing each other, and stan (unexpectedly for even himself) openly admits he regrets fucking up things with their friendship, and he has dreamed of finally talking to him again for, like, ages. and gary just genuinely smiles and takes his hand saying that they still have time for that.

eventually they hang out together more. with gary there isn’t a lot of crazy adventures, and stan, who’s got pretty sick of those, feels so relaxed while being with him. the only thing is that they mostly meet privately and secretly from the rest of the main four, because stan feels this irrational shame for being friends with someone they don’t like. it kinda upsets gary, but he doesn’t want to end their friendship because of the same reason it ended the first time.

so yeah, that takes them two or three months until stan finally realises the unpleasant truth – he doesn’t wanna be just friends with gary and his nearly-obsession with him for the last five years was more likely a behaviour of a person who’s desperately in love. fuck. he doesn’t confess his feelings to gary because he’s too scared of fucking thing up the second time.

and it seems to be working, but the more stan spends time with gary, the more love he feels, until one day he finally snaps and while one of their walks in the park he very awkwardly kisses gary, who (honestly) doesn’t really seem to mind it.

and stan, an example of bravery, apologises and runs away before gary has a chance to answer him properly. ‘cause stan’s a jerk and he’s panicking.

he’s not used to handling stressful situations by himself, so he calls kyle because he has no one else to talk to:

stan: Dude, I have a problem. A big one.

kyle: Woah what happened??? Do you want me to come to your place?

stan: I just kissed a dude.

kyle: Okay I knew I’d hear these words from you one day.

stan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW.

kyle: Oh please–

stan: We’ll talk about it later.

kyle: Pff, sure, dude. So you’re gay? Is this a coming out? I’m really proud of you finally admitting it out loud and sharing this with me, you know I’ll always support you whenever you ne–

stan: It’s Gary Harrison.

kyle: What. The mormon kid????

stan: Yeah, we kinda… Hung out together in secret…

kyle: But you hated him???

stan: WELL IT TURNS OUT I DIDN’T.

kyle: So what do you call me for?

stan: Oh, right. I kinda… ran away after we kissed?…

kyle: WHY.

stan: I DON’T KNOW, MAN, I PANICKED.

so kyle as the most supportive friend ever first laughs at stan, then helps him to understand what to do next. (and totally tells about it to cartman)

and, well, it’s pretty long enough so i guess i’ll stop here, because the rest of it is pretty much the plot of any slowburn mlm 200k words fic lmao

so yeah. answering to your question: i love stary. a lot.

#I LAUGHED SO HARD WHILE READING IT GIRL THATS TOTALLY AWESOME O MY GOD #i love how its the first stans coming out to kyle. bc its going to be plenty of them soon. poor boy kyle broflovski and his [dead] gay [bro] #im like so unhinged about every stans “am i gay?? whats happening?? why do i constantly have an urge to kiss lots of dudes and not my gf” #bisexual behavior #bisexual #YOUUU AREEE GAY FISH CMON DUDE THIS IS JUST CIRCUS #(c) - kyle broflovski #south park #stan marsh #gary harrison #sp stary

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in s17e1 “let go, let gov” it was confirmed that cartman usually talks on his speakerphone and now i truly believe that’s how he and kyle revealed their relationship to other guys. because one day cartman (as usual) put the conversation on speakerphone when kyle called him without giving it a second thought and kyle casually said “Hello, honey” while stan and kenny were standing next to cartman. and then there was this moment of silence.

#i loveeee ur hcs <33 #kymans r so sweet and clingy i LOVE them!!!! #imagine how others like “dudes thats so gross cmon...” #AND KYLE IS LIKE EMBARRASSED AS SHIT AND NEVER TALKS TO CARTMAN AGAIN love that #sweet sweet boys #sp #south park #eric cartman #kyman #kyle broflovski

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i, personally, am not really into stan getting into kyman’s way and trying to stop them from dating, but it seems to be one of the most popular trope for stan in kyman fics. and although i can see the appeal, i prefer another option.

please think about stan who’s actually helping kyman to get together.

so cartman has a big and (as he thinks) unrequited crush on kyle, and he decides that the fastest and most effective way to win kyle’s heart is to get stan’s support since stan and kyle are the best friends. and if you have stan by your side, you can say that half of work here is done.

and as a professional manipulator cartman convinces stan into helping him – he plays the “i’m on my meds & went through therapy” card, he says that stan is the one who gotta understand how broken heart and unmutual feeling hurt, that it’s almost their prom and cartman doesn’t have enough time to hit on kyle properly – and who knows, maybe they won’t even be in touch after kyle enters the university, so cartman has only one chance. he swears on his life he’s never gonna hurt kyle, and he flatters stan by saying he always hated him the least out of all the boys.

and stan as a hopeless romantic and sucker for stories with unmutual crushes finally gives in agreeing to help cartman. bonus if wendy is totally into this idea because a) it’d be amusing to watch them having their drama; b) she supports gay rights and wrongs; c) she think that kyle would be like a good influence for cartman and could “fix him” (my girl has never been so wrong in her entire life)

so they all start a whole new project for making kyle consider cartman as a proper romantic partner.

cartman: Okay. You have to invite him to the cinema BUT you will dump him at the very last minute so he’ll have to go there with me. What movie should we choose?

stan: Uhhh… There’s a new DC movie?

cartman: DUDE! Even I know he’s more of a Marvel fan.

stan: Well, I’m- I’m not supposed to memorize his preferences by heart, you know!

cartman: You’re his best friend?????

btw stanman and candy bonding over there :333

so wendy and stan help him to plan the whole dates, but the minor problem is that they have veeery different understanding of the romance.

wendy: The best way to win his heart and make some obvious hints is to take him out for a romantic dinner in the restaurant!

stan: No way, Kyle’ll hate that! Take him for a basketball game, he loves basketball.

cartman: …Can’t I just invite him to watch “The passion”?

wendy&stan, indignantly: CARTMAN!

cartman: What? It’s symbolic!

so they end up convincing him that kyle is never gonna like cartman if he doesn’t hide his true self, so he has to pretend a lot. he hates this idea, but eventually agrees and starts faking his behaviour being all nice, polite and kind-hearted, but every time their dates become a mess. and kyle seems to react veeery negatively, because even though he thought he wanted cartman to change, and he’s supposed to be happy that cartman is finally acting like a decent normal person – deep down he can’t get rid of this vague feeling that something is wrong, that he’s faking. and it irritates him so much he gets more and more angry and yells at cartman almost every time, even though there are no visible reasons for that.

and one day cartman just freaks out because he’s tired of faking, and if kyle doesn’t like the real cartman, than fuck him. and he finally asks him out the way he truly wanted – with mean jokes, rude behaviour, they just go to kfc and then sit at home watching dumb horror movies in cartman’s bedroom. and that was the first time they kissed – the first time in a long time when kyle saw cartman’s real self. and oh boy did he missed it.

#a masterpiece of writing plot a d characters!! cheers #the idea of how standy just convinced cartman that kyle would never love him if he keeps acting like he usually does #gets me every time #and ooh girl this is wonderful its simple idea but done so skilfully that is really what could've happened #kyle would never love this all fake cartman i can literally smell it #its like that one time cartman wanted to lost weight and kyle was one of the few people who convinced him not to do that #(bc kyle thinks its attractive) #(here comes his first sexuality crisis) #and its always like that in their relationships!! they LIKE each other in the way they are and when one of them trying to change smth #about his appearance or personality the other one so goddamn pissed of its unbelievable #gay love for gay ppl anyway #i think after that accident when cartman just say stendy to fuck off with all this “try to be nice” they both question their understanding #of romance #kyman is just local gay cople that proved so much ppl wrong bc theyre together (on/off) no matter what #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman #south park

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OK IDK IF ANYONE’S INTERESTED BUT

my compilation of kyman nsfw headcanons

(obviously they’re both aged up, it’s about 18 for both of them!!) also cw nsfw also please tell me if it gets too cringe……..

• they both have a LOT OF complaints about each other. for example, first month or two kyle has this thing about keeping their relationship in secret from everyone. so every time they’re about to have sex or even just to have a sleepover, he goes over the whole house five times to make sure nobody’s home, locks the door to his room, covers the windows, turns on the music so loud that no one could possibly hear what’s going on between them. he really even considered the idea of turning off the light, but cartman finally freaked out one day and said that if kyle wasn’t gonna handle his fucking paranoia, cartman would just go home.

also he’d try to make cartman quiet all the time so as not to be found by anyone, and it would piss cartman off SO bad: “Be quiet!!! My mom’s gonna hea–“ — “Can we please fuck at least ONCE without mentioning your BITCH mom OH MY FUCKING GOD.”

• also cartman is a jerk so every time kyle does something wrong and pisses him off, cartman remembers it and then later he leaves kyle bites, marks and hickeys on his neck or some other parts of his body that kyle can’t hide under the clothes. and kyle gets SO mad because “My mom is TOTALLY gonna notice this shit why the FUCK would you do that?” – “You called me fatass at school again, I had to take my revenge!”

eventually kyle would start wearing a scarf to hide all the marks cartman left him. and one day cartman was really stupid enough to start laughing in front of the other guys like “This scarf is so fucking gay, Kahl, what are you trying to cover up by it, hickeys??”. and oh boy if glares could kill…

• they don’t really have stable top/bottom roles… usually they just take over control when they feel like it (however, cartman-bottom and kyle-top happens to be a tiny bit more often)

• cartman is really into “extreme” so he would enjoy pestering and teasing kyle in public places so much. you know, quick unexpected kisses in the bus while nobody’s watching, brief touches and quiet and absolutely inappropriate whispering in the crowd…

moreover, cartman would totally be the type to start touching kyle’s knees under the table during the family dinner at broflovski’s house while talking to sheila with the most innocent face a person could possibly have. (kyle is sitting next to him about to explode with embarrassment and anger).

• in addition to that “extreme” thing, they are both kinda addicted to risking, so after two or three months of dating they both would get really into doing it in public. the worst time was in marsh’s bathroom once. stan learned about it already after the fact, and he stopped talking to them for, like, almost a week, because it was fucking traumatizing.

*kyle and cartman, kissing at the bus stop*

stan, laughing: You guys are gross, haha.

cartman, chuckling: Oh, come on, it’s nothing compared to that one time we did it in the bathroom in your house.

stan: …You did what?

kyle: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT

cartman: What, you said you liked it!

kyle: I am so sorry, Stan, it’s all his fau–

stan: I am NEVER letting you in my house again.

kyle: Wait, Stan, please–

kenny, coming up to them: Hey guys! ‘Sup?

stan, completely broken: They had sex in my bathroom once.

kenny, grinning: WOAH nice one guys!!! Have you already done it in my house too?

kyle: NO

cartman, in sync: Yes.

• kyle absolutely sucks in romance but he’s actually trying his best to be as romantic as possible, so for their first time he bought flowers, lit candles in his room and made a goddamn playlist with the most cringy romantic songs about love ever. at first cartman didn’t mind it, and he honestly thought it was absolutely sweet. however when he heard some french song playing from kyle’s laptop while they were in the middle of process, he got so irritated he (with an effort) stopped kissing kyle for a minute to walk up, half-naked, to the table to turn off the music and mutter something about kyle’s terrible tastes.

• they both are SO prissy i mean they can get sooo absolutely gross sometimes, but having sex without having a shower and proper preparation first? never. and it’s actually pretty funny, because people don’t usually expect cartman to care so much about cleanness :D

• also cartman reaaally likes getting on kyle’s nerves and embarrass him in front of others, so it’s a typical situation when he tries to kiss or do something more intimate to kyle while he’s having a phone call or smth. (gross and disrespectful but oh how kyle loves it)

and it just somehow happens that stan is the one who suffers the most from this. one day stan and kyle were discussing on the phone something school-related and cartman got bored enough to start casually teasing kyle, touching him, kissing and biting his neck and, well, more.

kyle, breathing heavily while talking on his phone: Y-yes, dude, I’ll… I’ll send you my homework as soon as I get a chance.

stan: Kyle, I swear to fucking god if Cartman is trying to blow you while we’re talking, we will NEVER be friends again.

kyle: Of course he– doesn’t! What kind of perverts do you… think we are.

stan: You know what? I’ll ask Kenny about homework.

kyle: Kenny never does his homework.

stan: Yes, and Kenny also never tries to fuck someone AND talk to me at the same time!

kenny, shouting from the other room: I’m sorry to disappoint you, but actually–

stan, horrified: I hate you all.

• also yes meanwhile they can get pretty, uhh, sadistic from time to time most of the time they stick to gentle and comforting treatment because they never want to hurt each other on purpose. moreover, kyle praises cartman in bed constantly, making him feel much more confident about his body, and sometimes, when they’re most intimate and close to each other, kyle calls him “eric” and actually – cartman thinks just this, just hearing his own name pronounced by kyle with such satisfaction is so much better than sex itself.

• not nsfw, but cartman really often sneaks up to kyle’s room to just lay down with him and hug at night till they both fall asleep, and even though it was really awkward at first, as time passed, kyle got pretty used to opening his window and letting cartman in to hug him really tightly and sleep together :(

#once in a while im really in live with nsfv hcs and its only the time when my gf writes THIS #OMGGGGG IM SO IN LOVE WITH THESE THEYRE LIKE . SO . SO #I CANT EVEN TELL HOW MUCH THESE ALL SUIT THEM AND THEIR DYNAMIC #the scarf one really gave me a thought that some ppl still recall kyman's AIDS arc #and when thy see one of them with this scarf they be like “guys.. are you like .. yk... positive?” #cartmans laugh his ass off when kyle start to make excuses #“no ... cartman just... caught a cold really!! we dont have aids!! we.. we havent even sleept together pst few weeks.. STOP LAUGHING FATASS” #the next day its kyle who comes in a scarf bc yk . sweet revenge #I REALLY LOVE TAKE ABOUT REVENGES THAT THEY GIVE EACH OTHER FOR CALLING NAMES AT THE DAYLIGHT #also love when gay ppl choose bathrooms for naughty things. #girl you know what i mean and what im saying is that you have a type in otp dynamics #poor stan #theyre sooo shamefaces whe it comes to the actual romance i bet #i bet one of them didnt know and bought flovers when the other one have an allergy to them #AND IT WAS A DISASTER. TOTALLY #I CANT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM BOTHHHH IN YOUR POST - THE MOST. SLAY VITA SLAY #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #south park