herefornewthings

[herefornewthings]

Maybe I was cruel to someone in my last life.

[herefornewthings]

Hi. Please don't forget about me. Performative love is the worst. I don't wish for your self satisfying version of loving others. Fuck off.

[herefornewthings]

They're calling being emotionally needy as cringe. There is no space for me in this world.

[herefornewthings]

Maybe I try too hard to be a good person. Maybe I'm just not that kind hearted and loving. Maybe I am a bad person and I'm scared to realise that. Maybe that's why I want to never do any harm.

[herefornewthings]

I've started to feel like I can't talk to someone first. That if I do that I'll just be forcing them through it.

Even if I am feeling absolutely lost and depressed, I can't gather the courage to text someone and tell them that I have been having a hard time trying to live. I can't.

Maybe because the people I had hope from have straight out told me that they don't have the empathy that is needed to talk to me. It sort of feels like....I am a burden to everyone around me for being like this. And that I would only make things worse if I tell them that I'm going through something.

I need someone who'll listen and be empathetic and comforting. Just one person who'd put it in the effort to understand the things I'm talking about. I want to stop feeling so unwanted.

Fuck.

#fuck everything

[herefornewthings]

I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone. I can't do this. It is too heavy.

[herefornewthings]

I'm not fond of loving. I'm fond of thinking about it. I'm not fond of a deep spiritual connection that is so intense it breaks my bubble of an earthly limited being and transforms me into something boundless. I'm fond of the idea of it.

[herefornewthings]

I get it, I mean. Why would anyone ever like me? Yeah. Nothing about liking me makes sense.

[herefornewthings]

I can't turn this into motivation. I can't turn any of this into a moving story of will and resilience. None of this is beautiful. Surviving any of this will not make me proud in the future. This is unfair and this is ugly.

#beauty #mental note #being #bearing

[herefornewthings]

PLEASE STOP BEING LIKE THIS PLEASE

[herefornewthings]

I hate myself

[herefornewthings]

CATS ARE SO CUTE AAAAHHHHH

[herefornewthings]

I do not need to shame myself for difficult days.

[herefornewthings]

Im so fucking sad and lost. I'm so fucking clueless. I don't know what to do with my life. It's fucking disappointing. I'm disappointing. I don't know. I don't have anything figured. I don't know who I am and i have no answers about what I like. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Why am I like this? Why can't I just get diagnosed with something?? Anything that would help me make sense of feeling SO FUCKING BLUE. I'm so scared and so overwhelmed all the time.

How long do I have to keep trying for?

#clueless #future #career #mental health

[herefornewthings]

All people ever do is disappoint me.

[herefornewthings]

Aaahhh I am loved. I am cared for. Just because the people I expect love from are not giving it to me doesn't mean nobody else does.

I'm not loved by all of my friends or family. But there are two people who do love me. And they look after me.

Yes their love doesn't count as romantic but does it give me the power to sustain myself when I find the world bleak and dark and cruel? It should.

I must not categorise myself as unloved because I'm not. I do have the potential and I am appreciated by these two people for who i am. I don't ever want to forget that.

#mental note #personal

[herefornewthings]

Just make sure you're not doing that thing where you isolate yourself, and then convince yourself that you're so different from everyone else. Discomfort and fear can be a signal that you're on the right track.