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me me me

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HALP.

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working in retail

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Who Remembers This Episode?

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April and Andy are the cutest hahaha I love them on Parks and Rec.

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I want to be cute with someone, but I also want to never be attracted or attached to anyone ever again. 

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Something people probably don’t know

So A few months back (march/april ish) my life hit the lowest that it has ever been. I was on the verge of losing both jobs (I was being verbally abused at both., working 7 days a week / 14 hours a day with zero time off, and was making almost no money to live off of. I was barely making rent and any leftover money I had went towards gas and food. I lost a family member (death) and a friend (me working to follow my dream and not making time for them).

I knew I was depressed I decided to go get help (which was a big step for me). The result was “textbook depression” and pills were just thrown at me. This made me even more depressed to the point where I thought the only solution was to take my own life.

Driving back from the out of state funeral for my relative, I decided that I was just going to drive my car into either a wall or a guard rail and just “hope for the best.” In what I thought were going to be my final moments, I reflected upon what I had done with my life and the choices I had made. It reality what was only seconds, felt like an eternity, and I decided that I had not really done anything noteworthy with my life. I decided that living was the right choice. I didn’t want to die unaccomplished. I had too much unused potential.

This event also made me a more positive and optimistic person. It made me realize that everything happens for a reason. When one door closes, a window opens. Example: I lost my dream job and I was given a 30 day vacate notice at my current living space. At the same time, at my primary source of income, I was offered full time/benefits and I found a place to live that was affordable. It all balances out.

This is my first time speaking out about these events. I always felt that I was bothering people when I was feeling like this at 1/2/3 in the morning. But I learned that doesn’t matter. A true friend/family member won’t give a shit about the time of day. The fact that you are reaching out to them is what matters most. They want you around, they want you in their life, and they would do anything for you.

As of late, I feel more stable than I have ever felt in my life. I just take it one day at a time and roll with the punches. Out of every bad situation, something good happens. That’s what keeps me going. I know that no matter what, something good is gonna come.

Thanks for reading

Thanks for reading.

#suicide #depression

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abetterqueue.com - filter & browse Netflix instant movies with Rotten Tomatoe’s Tomatometer

oracleofbacon.org - connect actors by the movies they’ve acted in together

movie-censorship.com - find the differences between different releases of the same movie

imsdb.com - a database of tons of movie scripts!

whatthemovie.com - attempt to identify movies by the screenshot of one scene alone

canistream.it - check if something’s streaming on Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, Amazon, Crackle, Blockbuster, YouTuber, Redbox, or iTunes with one click!

doesthedogdie.com - ranks films based on whether the dog/pet in them dies, so you can watch without covering your eyes.

movie.tumblr.com - a tumblr blog full of movie quotes, scenes, facts, news, trailers and everything else movies!

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Is it bad that I feel the need to apologize to someone? Yet I had to lie to get away because said person was so toxic that I felt my own mental state was in danger?

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