heartbrakebiker

[heartbrakebiker]

Happy Valentine's Day!

[heartbrakebiker]

Took down my holiday decorations today but thought I'd share a pic of my tiny bicycle tree so the spirit can live on!

#bicycle christmas tree #bike #bicycle #bike ornaments

[heartbrakebiker]

I rode my bike today! I looked at two apartments (one of them twice) and two wedding venues. Somehow without noticing, I rode over 10 miles. So happy and excited to be back in the saddle!

#bike #bicycle #bikenyc #astoria #apartment hunting #wedding planning

[heartbrakebiker]

The best is yet to come. Wishing you love, health and blessings in this new year!

#2013 #happy new year

[heartbrakebiker]

Resource Revival Makes Great Gifts for Bicycle Enthusiasts!

I got my first holiday gift over the weekend: this bicycle magnet from Resource Revival.  Even though I sort of picked this out, my dear fiancé had it wrapped so I would have the excitement of opening it!

If you don't know Resource Revival, they make great gifts out of recycled bicycle parts.  Excuse me while I swoon over these candle holders.  Must. Have. Them.

#bike #bicycle #bike gifts #resource revival #wedding

[heartbrakebiker]

Repeat as necessary. The holidays have officially began.

#serenity prayer #illustrated quote #happy holidays #breathe #repeat

[heartbrakebiker]

Tiny Bicycle Adventures: Shopping for the Dress

When: My Lunch Hour

Total Distance: 3 miles

Mission: Find a new dress (to impress) for Thanksgiving day at my soon to be in-laws.

One of the things I've always loved about riding a bike is that you can traverse small distances quickly, maximizing the time you have. If I had walked, this mission would have been impossible.

But luckily I was able to ride to Ann Taylor Loft, try on all of these dresses, pick out a birthday gift for my sister and get back to the office within my lunch hour. And this kind of tiny adventure lets me ride my bike without depleting my energy.

By the way, I picked the red one. If it doesn't win them over at Thanksgiving, at least it matches my bike helmet.

Mission accomplished.

#bike #bicycle #nyc #ann taylor loft #tiny bicycle adventures

[heartbrakebiker]

One of the most difficult things everyone has to learn is that for your entire life you must keep fighting and adjusting if you hope to survive. No matter who you are or what your position is you must keep fighting for whatever it is you desire to achieve.

George Allen, American Football Coach

#quote #inspiration #TGIF

[heartbrakebiker]

I Stopped Riding My Bike. Part 4. (Conclusion)

Hello amazing people.  A big thank you to all who read my story and who responded.  It has been really helpful for me to tell my story and I appreciate all of the kind words. 

Below is the conclusion of my story.  If you are just stopping by, you can see the other parts here:

PART ONE: SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT

PART TWO: ISN'T THIS PECULIAR?

PART THREE: THE CRAZY BIKE DISEASE

PART FOUR: HERE COMES THE SUN

October/November 2012:

I wallow in the fact that I have lupus for about a week.  I have a lot of "why me?" thoughts.  I don't do much more than go to work and sleep.  I eat comfort foods.  I don't try to ride my bike or get much other physical activity.  I start a vigorous treatment of meds, which makes me feel worse initially as my body adjusts.  I am pretty miserable.  Not surprisingly, I don't get any better.

Then I have a realization.   Bad things happen to all of us and for the most part, we don't get to choose how and when they happen.  What we do get to choose is how to react when bad things happen.  I know I can lay down and feel sorry for myself.  I certainly have earned that.  Or I can fight back and do everything in my power to make it better. And with that thought, I turn a corner.

My entire life becomes a petri dish as I examine everything and how it makes me feel.  

I start practicing yoga twice a week because it makes me feel better.  

I stop drinking alcohol because it makes me feel worse.

You could probably guess getting adequate sleep, staying properly hydrated, eating whole foods like fruits and vegetables make me feel better.  Junk food and stress make me feel worse.  

The healthy lifestyle suits me and I start to see small positive changes in my health.

And what about the bike?  I've given up on long rides and daily commutes for now. However, I try to take tiny bicycle adventures once or twice a week around my neighborhood or on a lunch break.  It's amazing how three miles and some fresh air on two wheels can make me feel whole again.  I will keep working at it as I recover and get back to where I was before.  And I will have bicycle adventures to write about again.

One of the things that this journey has taught me is that I am loved and it is okay to ask for help.  There are actually people in this world who are willing to hold up this fiercely independent girl when she can't do it for herself.  

Especially one guy in particular.

In October, my boyfriend stood outside of my window with a boombox.  When I got to the window, he held up a sign asking me to marry him.  I, of course, said yes!  My life has changed radically since our first date and he has stood by me, for better and for worse.  I look forward to starting a life with this kind, amazing, beautiful man.

As we enter November, I have had more good days in this one month than in the past few months combined.  I can only hope that that it an upward trend.  

Things may never be the same, but isn't that life?  And with a little luck, it might just turn out better than I had ever expected. 

#i stopped riding my bike #nyc #bike #bicycle #lupus #love #marriage

[heartbrakebiker]

I Stopped Riding My Bike. Part Three.

Hi all!  This week, I've been chronicling the events that occurred this past year that led up to me no longer riding my bike.  If you're just tuning in, check out the beginning of the story:

PART ONE: SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT

PART TWO: ISN'T THIS PECULIAR?

PART THREE: THE CRAZY BIKE DISEASE

Summer 2012

What I thought was a freak occurrence, a painful pins and needles feeling in my feet when I rode my bike, has now become more commonplace.  It has started to happen on my 7 mile commute and the feeling is happening in my hands as well.  It has evolved into more of a pain than a numbness.  Eventually it starts happening off the bike as well.  Some days, I get so tired.  

I hide it well.  I go to work.  I keep my social commitments.  I even coordinate long bike rides for Transportation Alternatives.  They recognize my work and write an article about me in their magazine.  I have the notion that if I keep pushing through and don't acknowledge this thing, it will go away.  All the while, I feel lousy and no one knows.

Except my boyfriend who endures my exhaustion and mood swings with love.  "We'll figure it out, together," he says.  I don't deserve such kindness.  

I am finally determined to fix this thing once and for all. 

The thing is, I really don't know where to start.  Try telling a doctor your primary concern is, "I just can't ride my bike like I used to."   

I go through multiple appointments and tests with a general practitioner, a physical therapist, a neurologist, and finally a rheumatologist.  Since I wait 4-5 weeks to get in with each specialist, the summer ends with no diagnosis.  Only worsening symptoms.  I hate my life.

I really try to keep at the bike riding but its getting more and more difficult.  Early in September, I go on a group ride and I fall far behind.  I am barely able to complete the rest of the ride and I am sick for the next couple of days.  I feel like I have the flu but all I did was go out for a little bike ride.

The NYC Century comes and goes without me participating.  Last year, I successfully did the 55 mile course with energy to spare.  All over town I see people on bikes.  I find myself bursting into tears when I see them and thinking what has happened to me?  

I am heartbroken and emotional most all of the time.  I pretty much stop riding my bike.  And because I am not riding my bike, I don't have bicycle adventures to write about.  I log off of tumblr for about a month because I don't have anything to say and I don't want to hear about other people's adventures.

Finally a diagnosis comes in at the end of September.  

LUPUS.  

The crazy bike disease is an autoimmune disease where the body attacks itself, primarily the joints, organs, and skin.  There is no cure and my doctor sets up a plan to manage the symptoms.  It usually takes two months for the medicine to kick in.  And I will have to manage it FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I ask the doctor about riding my bike.  She tells me that what I am feeling is partially due to the disease and partially because I have not been riding (A body at rest tends to stay at rest).  But she encourages me to get physical exercise whenever possible.  I know that in theory that sounds good.  But the reality is far from it.

I feel defeated.  People keep trying to cheer me up with talk of other people they knew that experienced lupus and did better.  My own grandmother has the disease and is still living a relatively healthy life at 91.  My boyfriend offers to get us a tandem bicycle.  But nothing helps.  I am miserable and just want to take a nap all of the time.  I miss the life I had and it all seems so far away.

I am holding on to my last sliver of hope that somehow, sometime soon, I will be able to turn a corner.

(Photo by Ahron R. Foster)

#I stopped riding my bike #nyc #bike #bicycle #lupus

[heartbrakebiker]

I Stopped Riding My Bike. Part Two.

Read PART ONE: SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT

PART TWO: ISN'T THIS PECULIAR?

May 2012:

I am pumped about the Five Boro Bike Tour, a 40 mile ride through New York City.  Things are going really well with my boyfriend of 6 months and he has agreed to do it with me.  I did this ride last year and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

The ride is more challenging than I remember but we are riding at the slow pace that happens when tens of thousands of cyclists clog the roads.

At around the 20 mile mark, riding through Brooklyn, my feet started to hurt.  As the ride progressed, they started to tingle and then they fell asleep completely.  I took off my socks and loosened my shoelaces but it didn't seem to help.  At around the 30 mile mark on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, I asked my boyfriend if we could pull over.  I explained that I had completely lost feeling in my feet.  He massaged my feet and legs for about 10 minutes.  It was painful.  And unfortunately, didn't really change things.

It was difficult, but I finished the tour.  I kept thinking that it was weird how much harder it was this year.  It was the next day before my feet felt right again.

Again, I explained it away.  I thought that this was just a freak occurrence and I would be better in no time.  And once again, my body was telling me something, a little louder this time, and I wasn't listening at all.

#I stopped riding my bike #bike #bicycle #nyc #5 boro bike tour

[heartbrakebiker]

I Stopped Riding My Bike. A Drama in Multiple Parts.

Hello lovely people.

This true story has better and worse, sickness and health, good times and bad, and hopefully, has a happily ever after.  It's a little long so I've broken it down.  I will be publishing the other parts throughout the week and I hope you'll come along for the ride.

PART ONE:  SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT.  

March/April 2012:

Today's bike ride is harder than usual.  I've been commuting to and from work almost every day on a bike for two years.  You would think that I'd be good at it by now.  But it's hard today.  I am dropping into first gear for tiny hills.  I arrive at work and I am beat.  I feel like I just rode a century but it's only been 7 miles.

The next day I am back to normal.  I do a group ride over the weekend and it is smooth sailing.  And then, a few weeks later, it happens again.  It is hard to ride my bike.

I explain it away.  It was windy today, right?  Should I take my bike into the shop? Maybe I am getting the flu.  Or I am not sleeping enough.  Or the extra couple of pounds I've put on while falling in love are weighing me down.  That's what it must be.  I am sure as soon as I wear a windbreaker/get a tune-up/drink more orange juice/sleep more/lose weight, the bike riding will be easier.

So I did those things.  And some days were good.  And some days were not so good.  It was bizarre but I kept riding.

Too bad my body was trying to tell me something and I wasn't listening.

(photo by Ahron R. Foster)

#I stopped riding my bike #bike #bicycle #nyc

[heartbrakebiker]

WNYC’s Resources:

Our After-Sandy FAQ | Transit Tracker | How You Can Help 

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Look closely...

What is wrong with this picture?

10 points if you figure it out.

#bike #nyc #bike locks

[heartbrakebiker]

Sending out loving kindness to everyone today.  Everyone.

#quote #inspiration #buddhist prayer

[heartbrakebiker]

Today I am looking for different ways and truer answers.

I found this quote in a great piece by Alejandra Vidal at Verily Magazine called "Propelled by Discomfort and Fear."  Read it here.

#inspiration #quote #Rosie Hardy #Verily #discomfort and fear

[heartbrakebiker]

I love this Bicycle Magazine!

New Momentum Magazine...read it online here.  

I love that they profile Janette Sadik-Khan, NYC Department of Transportation Commissioner (pg. 112).  Her favorite clothes to bike in?  Dresses with biker shorts underneath, just like yours truly.  Go girl.

#bike #bicycle #momentum magazine #Janette Sadik-Khan #nyc #bikenyc