hazookii

[hazookii]

Chapter 1: Personal Life

MY STRUGGLES

2021 was a year that I was faced with a lot of challenges i'd say. I remember that I was a very bad student in school in my class during Sec 3. Failing my subjects, sleeping during classes and not doing homework (sorry mdm tan and mr low HAHAH). Back then i'd say that i was very uninterested in studying and life. I was a hardcore gamer that had a strong aspiration and dream to be a professional eSports player for Valorant in SG (what a big shot i thought i was). I remember my whole group of friends hated me because i was an asshole and started excluding me and that was a moment of realisation that I should stop feeding on my EGO. So i changed, and became a better person and student. I stopped being so egoistic, started focusing on my studies and helped others when i can (i sound like a mc fml). But ngl, if it weren't for the encouragement of my peers and especially my teachers, I highly doubt i'd be able to achieve excellent scores for my preliminary exam in 2022. Mr Low's words of motivation to me was "you're in the right track. Slowly, small steps" and also Mr Soh's caring and kind side were one of the few reasons for me to strive for the better. Man i really look up to these two amazing teachers. What a blessing it was to have them guide me.

RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE

Lover 1

My love life during my sec school time has been a whole rollercoaster of emotion especially in 2022.

Around the start of January, i met this girl that we shall call N. We started talking and talking for months. We had so many key moments during our “talking stage” and believe me, i was falling hard like the 9/11 plane. I fell so hard for her because technically, i used her as a *rebound* - rebound here generally refers to rebound back from a failed relationship/friendzone. After several months go by, i fell harder with each day passing. Her messages to me were like a lifeline connected to my heart ngfl. N and i talked alot and we give each other very flirty texts and i find it very cute and it every time just make my heart goes crazy (ikr). As months goes by, i got to know the reality that she was just leading me on and that, she had a boyfriend (DUN DUN DUN) <P.S that’s how i felt as well>

I was so upset and destroyed and lost all faith and confidence in myself. I was so distressed that every negative feeling was the only thing keeping me alive. I was crying for days, sad over it and it also affected my MT O LEVELS in May 31. I was so broken that all i could think about is suicide or shutting myself from others. I remember punching myself, the wall and kicking the wall so hard that there were bruises (that was how sad and destroyed i was). The effects were severe and detrimental that it took me 4 months to get over N and i swear those days were damn painful and i’ve developed severe trauma from it.

Ever since that day, I had really been worried about love relationships. I tend to overthink 200% more than how i used to ngl. Which will go on and affect me with my second love interest.

Lover 2

As of the time i’m writing, I still like this person who we shall call J. I have yet to confess but i was very direct and obvious to her because i wanted her to take the hint of it (funny enough, she did notice it). I plan to confess soon in a few days although I’m pretty sure i’ll get friend-zoned again but, i’ll be willing to wait for her because i like her a lot.

Summary

All in all, there are many things i’m willing to share here because, i feel like there are some things that many can relate to. If you are, you’re not alone :> we are in this mess together and together, we will emerge victorious. Thanks for reading this random ass blog.

To the reader reading this, if you’d like to give advices, feel free to do so because, i’m still learning and growing in life:> take care