harrysthoughts

[harrysthoughts]

YOU - Season 2 - Episode 2

Hi Youlinas! OMG...who knew Love Quinn was such a relatable tester! season 2. EP. 2 spoilers ahead - tread lightly! 

In the second episode, we see Joe actually arrive in LA, moodily descending the escalator at LAX. While waiting for his luggage, we meet a new character: Hendy. Played randomly yet fittingly by Chris D’Elia, he’s apparently some big deal in Hollywood. Joe pities him and the random LAXXers who clobber him for selfies.

Joe’s first order of business in LA, of course, is to get a new identity quickly, to put Candace off his trail. So he meets a random guy, Will, off Craigslist at a taco stand. The guy specializes in fake identities and has spent years crafting his own false persona, untraceable online. When he’s unable to help Joe, Joe takes a brick to his head and takes him back to his glass box (“3 inch plexi’s a beast”), which he allegedly set up himself in the Lock of Fame storage unit. Likely story.

However, Joe doesn’t realize how much of a pain in the ass this guy is going to end up being. Like, worse than Blair Waldorf having to babysit the Dean of Yale’s quasi-slut daughter, Emma. A guy named Jasper is trying to find Will - because Will owes him $3,000. Ok stress. That’s, like, two Louis Vuitton Alma BBs (without tax). Still, Joe takes on the name of his first LA prisoner, Will Bettelhiem, and continues on trying to get it on and in with Love.

The pair go to one of Love’s favorite haunts: the fish market! Love sees a huge fish being cut open and asks if its Ecuadorian or local and then doesn’t listen to the answer. Instead, she’s focused on Joe (now Will, keep up) because duh! Who cares where the fish is from when you have a hot guy trailing you. Then, Love plants one on Joe, taking him off guard. Aww! Their first kish in the fish market! Er, I mean kiss. Right then, the ghost of Beck appears, standing in the shadowy light of the swordfish kiosk. While Joe’s focused on dead Beck, Love is trying to make lunch plans with him. It’s like, chill! He’s literally seeing dead people at the fish market - let him have a moment, babe.

Back at The Store, Forty says a lot of stupid stuff (take a shot of wheat grass everytime he says “old sport”) and then walks away. Then, Jasper finds Will (Joe) at work. At first, he seems like a big annoying middle-school music teacher. You know, the kind that would make you practice recorder until your family was ready to disown you. But then! He turns around and chops Joe’s finger off for collateral! Will actually owed $50,000, not $3,000. Minor details, Will!

Of course, Joe runs back to the storage unit, sans finger, and screams at Will about the $47k discrepancy that cost him half a pinky. Will tries to console Joe by saying that a guy, Rufus, owes him exactly $50,000. Wait, aren’t the Humphrey’s poor? Oh, sorry. Wrong show. Once again, Joe-as-Will sets out to get the money so he can get his pinky back. This time, he has to not only ditch his lunch plans with Love and her friends, but also attend a darty in San Fernando Valley.

But Joe is still Joe, so he takes a detour to spy on Love at lunch with her friends. At first, he’s immediately put off by her friends, like any sane person would be. Because her friends are: Lucy, a literary agent, Sunrise Darshan Cummings (I KNOW), a stay-at-home mom (played by Titanic-era Kathy Bates, wig) to her and Lucy’s daughter, CANDLE, and Gabe Miranda, a pansexual acupuncturist. That was the ugliest sentence I’ve ever written and I’m sorry, but is Love trying to eat lunch or get lectured about at-home birthing methods? While Joe eavesdrops behind some glassware (a vibe), he learns that Love is falling for him quickly. And her friends think that it’s ok! Now, Joe can leave, knowing Love is falling in just that, love.

But then there’s dead Beck, again, standing across the street wearing a scarf. It’s like...Beck I know you’re a ghost but this is LA! Can’t you find a haunted bikini to don?

When Joe pulls up to the house party in the Valley, he’s predictably annoyed. Once inside, he gets mistaken for John Mayer thrice before running into Delilah, who’s there gaslighting as a gardener, looking for dirt. Hendy is also there, and all the guests want selfies. Except for Delilah who hates him for some reason. He delivers some jokes that take a second too long to get, recommends a doctor to Joe, and then walks away.

When Joe finally finds Rufus, he’s downstairs preparing for a dick appointment. He tells Joe to lose the clothes and for a second I thought we were going to get a show. But alas, Joe clearly isn’t “Todd” from “the app” so all we get is an awkward drug deal. Rufus doesn’t owe Will $50K. He owes him weird Canadian pills. UGH!

Later, while Joe is sitting at his counter nursing his pinky-less hand, Love knock, knock, knocks at his door. They have a tense conversation in which we learn that Forty and Love are TWINS, meaning Love owns Anavrin. Or, her PARENTS do, rather. Joe can’t get through the conversation without seeing dead Beck, still in the scarf. This makes him yell at Love, who, shocked, leaves Joe to deal with his ex-ghostfriend on his own.

When we see Joe lead Jasper into the storage unit, we know what’s gonna happen. And it does. He kills Jasper, unable to pay Will’s debts for him. The ghost of Beck, bundled and drunk as ever, appears inside the glass box, just like old times! And then Joe runs to Hendy’s doctor to get his pinky back. Priorities!

The next scene is a cool mashup of Joe cutting Jasper into pieces and Love making what seems to be a blueberry and lamb pot pie. Two types of people, am I right? Joe uses The Store’s meat grinder to grind Jasper’s body into garbage bags, disposes of them, and then joins Love at her West Elm of a house. He tells her all about Beck, except for the part where he, umm, bludgeons her to death. Minor details, I guess.

Later, while Joe is waiting for his laundry to be done, Delilah comes in with a basket full of dirty clothes and a hidden agenda. Apparently she was in the mood for a tea party because she starts spilling. While loading the washer, she tells Joe that she left home to be a stripper so that she could be like Carrie Fisher, who she thinks is (was?) really dope. And then the tea gets hotter: she tells him that Hendy raped her when she was younger and that she’s never told anyone. When Joe’s apologetic she doesn’t buy it, instead saying that she KNOWS he’s a bad guy. She just doesn’t know what kind...yet. Honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.

The episode ends with the real Will begging for a shower and Joe putting a contraband pair of Love’s undies in a Timberland shoebox (bootbox?) and then hiding it in a hole in the wall. Well, at least he’s not hiding it in the ceiling...baby steps, right?

[harrysthoughts]

YOU - Season 2 - Episode 1

Hi Youlinas! OMG...sitting here BALD after watching the 1st episode of our beloved YOU, season 2. EP. 1 spoilers ahead - tread lightly! 

After a lovely recap of the first season (RIP Beck, RIP Peach, RIP Peach’s Goyard tote), we are dropped off in sunny LA with Joe looking the same in his Ted Bundy-ass, bookish-ass outfit and forever-furrowed brow. He explains that he detests influencers as he walks through hordes of them posing against one of those Insta-walls on his way to his new hacienda. Classic. Delilah is the first new character we meet and she reminds me of a Sephora makeup artist even though she’s a reporter and landlord. Ok career Barbie! Joe introduces himself as “Will Bettelheim” which definitely has potential to be confusing. She lets Joe (Will?) into his new minimal LA digs and tells him not to cook meth in the kitchen. 

The next character we meet is a little balcony thot, who approaches Joe with a fistful of licorice and a whole lot of attitude. Her name is Ellie and she’s already getting on my nerves, but I’m pretty sure that’s her goal - so, kudos, babe. We learn that Ellie and Delilah are sisters. Delilah warns Will (Joe?) that she will “vivisect” his “individual scrotums” if he lays a hand on Ellie. Weird thing to say considering I think there’s only one scrotum, right? Can you have two scrotums? Wouldn’t that require four testicles? Doctor? Doctor? 

Next, Joe wanders into ANAVRIN (Nirvana spelled backwards LOL stop), which is a fictional Whole Foods-leaning supermarket, to find a job. Of course, he lands a gig on the spot - working in the book nook. Yeah, ok, so there’s a corner of books...in some part of this Valencia-filtered grocery store? I’d love to see a floorplan of the place to better understand the geography. 

And then we meet the new Beck: Love Quinn. The first words she utters to Joe are “Does this peach look like a butt?” Which is kind of slutty for an opening line but kind of endearing and quirky, too. She’s pretty, duh, and looks exactly like the person Joe would stalk: like she gets her jeans at Madewell and her gourdes at ANAVRIN. The two engage in a really well-written flirting session amidst the heirloom tomatoes and we learn that Love works at ANAVRIN, too! How convenient! Every time I type ANAVRIN I lose brain cells so I might have to come up with an alternative.

While at...The Store, we meet another new character, Forty (huh? lol) and he immediately surpasses Ellie as the most punchable. He says a lot of stupid stuff and then walks away, so Joe goes over to Love and she gives him a scone. He takes it, walks behind a pile of crates, and begins to whack off to the thought of Love. He comes to his senses and knows that he SHOULDN’T be fantasizing about her (or, um, masturbating on a pile of crates next to a half eaten scone while AT WORK?). Nice will power, Joe. We love to see it. 

Joe gets Ellie a new phone because he threw her old one off the roof because she was filming him walking down the street for a school project. No, I know. But this gives the two a chance to bond in the hacienda courtyard. Ellie teaches Joe how to brand himself on the ‘gram, which is sweet even if her advice kinda sucks. So, he follows said advice and spends time taking pictures of carousels and books, naturally. While in the park, he sees a girl taking photos for her quinceanera and then falls asleep against a tree. He wakes up burnt to a beautiful Cloud-Paint-in-Storm-esque crisp because he never had to deal with the sun in New York. 

Later, somehow, Love finds his address and barges in while he’s making himself ramen noodles. She rubs Apple Cider Vinegar on his burnt face and then admonishes him for not eating quality food and reading Joan Didion everyday. We can’t all be perfect like YOU, Love! But then, generous as can be, she vows to make him fall in love with LA. Because time doesn’t exist in TV shows, the pair run around Los Angeles eating tacos and dumplings and finally end up at The Store, all in the span of what feels like what Blair Waldorf’s commute to Brooklyn would’ve been.  

Once inside, they shop for gorgeous fresh ingredients by the light of the lettuce showers (a vibe) and then retire to the kitchen where we learn that Love went to cooking school and is also a widow. Ok colorful past! She makes Joe some roasted chicken and then basically force feeds it to him.

Throughout the episode, we see flashbacks of Joe’s last encounter with Candace, in which she orders fries (with a side or ranch, ew) and then vows to ruin his fucking life. So now Candace is hunting Joe, which is why he relocated to the place he hates most: LA. Ok, it’s coming together!

The episode ends with Ellie painting her toes on the hacienda stairs in the middle of the night because she drank too many (14) Frappucinos to sleep. She tells Joe that a creepy guy named Jasper stopped by to collect something from him. 

This, of course, is where everything gets all fucked up like we knew it would. Apparently, Joe didn’t just happen on Love. He’s been following her. He might even be the reason she’s a widow. No, I know! Wig! Joe, sunburnt and on a mission, goes to his storage unit at Lock of Fame (ha) and it’s revealed that he has the same set up he did in the basement of the book store. Hell yeah, the glass box is back! And it’s occupied by some rando! Is that Love’s dead husband? Who’s actually alive? I have no idea. But I can’t wait to find out...

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 9/10

Youlinas! This is my last in-depth post about You, season 1. Feels like just yesterday I was just sitting down to watch a buzzy Netflix show with my girlies...little did I know what I was getting myself into. Spoilers from the last 2 episodes are nigh.

 “How did I get here?” That’s the question Beck asks herself as she sits on the floor of the glass cage we all knew she’d end up in since we saw it in the first episode. 

First, let’s talk about Candace, annoying as she is. Of course they just had to cast someone that looks like Lucy Hale sucked on too many helium balloons at a party, which isn’t a bad thing, it just is. In the second to last episode, we learn all about the doomed relationship that preceded Joe and Beck, and it’s not really as interesting as it could’ve been.

 Basically, Joe meets Candace while she’s complaining about being hungry. We learn she’s in a band called “Heathcliff’s Misery” (stop) and likes wearing Doc Martens (same.) Short story short, she cheats on Joe with a record label guy and he finds out. This is where Joe kills someone for the first time: he pushes said record label guy off a roof (after the guy offers him some blow. Have some manners, Joe!)

 Flash forward to today and Beck is following in Candace’s featherbrained footsteps because she’s also cheating with a man who’s supposed to propel her: Dr. Nicki, the therapist. Joe finds out (“THERE IS NO EMMA FOX FROM BROWN!” - there never is, is there?) and promptly beats John Stamos right up, but doesn’t kill him. 

When things might just be a-ok, Paco comes to ruin everything (his fave pastime.) He stops by to return a book to Beck, saying that he forgot he’d put it in the ceiling. Beck is like, “ThE cEiLiNg?!” And Paco is like, “Yeah it’s where Joe hides all the evidence from all the people he’s killed!” Not really, but basically. Curiosity, as it does, kills the cat. Beck retrieves a box from the ceiling while Joe is getting breakfast and discovers Benji’s phone, Peach’s phone, her phone, her panties, and Candace’s (Urban Outfitters) pendant. And the jar of teeth, which makes her freak out and drop it. While cleaning up the teeth jar glass, she cuts herself. Joe notices when he comes back that she’s shaking and bleeding and he’s like “let me take care of you!” This is a pivotal scream-at-your-tv moment. Beck is just about to leave, spewing something about how Annika wants to get brunch, when Joe slams the door and hits her. She wakes up in the glass cube. Of course.

Beck in the cage is stressful to watch, like a live-action millennial Beauty and the Beast without the singing cutlery. She goes back and forth between being distressed and being calm, as I’m sure anyone would in that situation. She wears a Nirvana shirt, which feels symbolic but ultimately just makes an already fake situation harder to take seriously.  

He brings her a typewriter like she’s Kit fucking Kitteridge and tells her to write. They share dinners through the little food box. Joe offers her the rest of his wontons, probably in an attempt to normalize the fact that they’re separated by impenetrable glass. Her first attempt to get out is when she begs to use a real bathroom, and not a pot in the corner. Joe is about to free her but then she looks at the staircase like she’s about to run up it. Beck, darling, we must never make our desires so obvious! 

While she’s locked up, Joe takes cautionary steps to insure he can’t be blamed if people start to wonder where Beck went. The Salinger private investigator asks Joe some questions before revealing that they’re testing DNA for evidence they found at the Connecticut house. He immediately flashes back to the time he peed in a jar and put it back on the shelf. I’m sure he’d be pissed if he got caught because of the jar. Sorry, had to. 

Paco attempts to kill his mom’s drunk boyfriend but fails so Joe does it for him. Meanwhile, Beck is back in the glass cage, writing the best, most Beckish prose she’s ever written. As I watched I was like...this is good! The New Yorker is shaking! 

Joe comes back and announces that the PI could potentially put him in jail. Beck tells him to read what she just wrote. She makes a strong case that they could blame everything on the therapist because he too has a random jar of teeth laying around. It would check out. They have a heartfelt moment, hands touching on opposite sides of the glass, like 3rd graders on a trip to the aquarium. Joe comes in to embrace her and just as he notices the missing keys from the typewriter, Beck STABS him. My roommates and I woke up the whole block with our screams of victory, as if we were straight boys watching soccer. 

She escapes and starts screaming at him, naturally. Throughout the entire scene, the keys remain in the door, which is SUPER stressful for everyone involved. Finally, she runs up the stairs, only to be faced with a metal door. So now she’s locked at the top of the staircase, banging on the metal door, screaming. It was a very Kate-Winslet-in-Titanic moment. Of all people, Paco wanders up, takes a look at her, and walks away, leaving her to go back into the murder den to retrieve the keys. After hitting Joe with a hammer, she gets the keys and goes up the stairs AGAIN. I haven’t been so stressed watching a screen since Skyscraper (a very underrated movie, Neve Campbell’s elevator performance alone is worth the watch.) She is frantically trying out the different keys when Joe grabs her. Blackout. 

The next scene is of Beck’s face plastered on a best-selling book at Mooney’s, where Ethan says something about not being able to get away from someone after they’ve died. So Beck’s dead. Joe, smartie pants psycho that he is, took Beck’s writing and turned it into a memoir, framing the therapist as the villian, just like Beck suggested. John Stamos gets arrested and Joe continues his life. Paco and his mom move away, thank ZOD. 

The final scene is similar to the very first scene of the very first episode. The bookstore is washed in hazy afternoon light and Joe is narrating. The familiar bells chime as we see a girl walk in. Joe creepily starts psychoanalyzing her based on her physical traits and clothing, just like he did Beck. And then...it’s Candace. She says “Hi bunny.” Joe is dumbfounded, as are we.

CANDACE???!?!?!?!?!? If Candace is going to be the focus of season 2, I might have to dip, because I did NOT sign up to watch someone who’s only facial expression is that of someone sucking on a penny for the first time.

I’ll digest this whole thing and report back with final thoughts later on, probably. Thank you guys for reading these little summaries. I’ve had so much fun writing them and seeing what you guys have to say. 

#you #netflix

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 8

Joe is now fake-happily dating Karen Minty from the stairwell. I’ll never get over the fact that we were never formally introduced to her? Anyway, Joe tries to convince himself of Karen even though she reads on a kindle and calls him “babe.” 

He’s still stalking Beck, who got herself a book deal, somehow, and is just living her Beckish life. But she has writers block, so Blythe comes over and says a bunch of foreign words and turns off her wifi. 

Meanwhile, in the weirdest tv coupling ever, Blythe and Ethan from the bookstore are, like, in love and decide to move in together. Hasty vibes. 

After Paco’s mom comes home, high as kite, Joe and Minty decide to get froyo. Of course, they run into Beck, who’s listening to her ginormous headphones while buying tacos. Karen is totally standoffish and doesn’t even shake her hand. They have an awk encounter and then Beck says, “Bye, Karen” and its funny for no reason. 

Joe and Beck are still seeing John Stamos so we get another spliced up therapy session which sounds more confusing than it is. Later, while Karen makes dinner for Joe, Beck is texting him pictures of her towel-clad thighs. And then she grabs her infamous GVMP (Green Velvet Masturbation Pillow) because her little chat with Joe made her a total hornball. 

At Blythe’s “moving party,” Beck flirts with Joe by leaning over a counter like she’s in a Cameron Diaz movie. It works and they share a beer in the back of a moving truck afterwords. God, I wish my life was a tv show. 

Paco’s mom needs to detox so they bring her into Joe’s murder den. I think Karen is the first person to be like, “it’s creepy down here.” 

After Beck sends Joe the dumbest text ever about needing some sea breeze, they meet on a totally empty ferry? The whole time I was hoping it was the IKEA ferry and that they’d go get Swedish meatballs. But no, they talk for 3 minutes and then fornicate right then and there. After that they bang, like, 9 more times and cancel their therapy appointments. 

Joe then abruptly breaks up with Karen while she’s painting her toes and its hard not to feel bad for her as she’s going around his apartment, collecting her things.

Paco’s mom gets back with the drunk boyfriend so her whole murder detox moment was a WASTE. How does Joe get Beck back officially? By throwing a rock through her window! In his defense, he just meant to “tap” the window. But then Karen shows up to first, thank Beck for being her “get out of Joe free card” and second, to warn her about Candace. And that’s that on that!

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 7

OKKK this is is becoming so unhinged. The episode opens up with Beck biting Joe’s ear while he’s making pancakes for them (he doesn’t use the Red Ladle, thank god). They’re in total la-la land ever since Peach kicked the bucket; reading in bed like millennial Carrie and Big, eating takeout in front of the tv, and playing scrabble on the floor (aspirational but unrealistic). They come up with a word to describe themselves: “Everythingship”. Every time Beck said it out loud I lost 3 years off my life. Please, come up with a clunkier word. Oh, and “hootsie,” which I think I’ll add to my rolodex of dumb words, thank you very much. 

We learn that Joe is seeing a therapist - which happens to be John Stamos with a full beard? Random/kinda hot. 

Beck loses her job as a yoga instructor for falling asleep while leading shavasana (I can’t) so Joe offers her a job at the book store. Imagine inviting Beck to come work with you. She’d just slur her words and get in the way. Which is what she ends up doing. 

Then we learn that Beck has been seeing a therapist…Dr. Nicki…ok this is where we realize that they’re BOTH going to John Stamos. Basically, Joe starts seeing him so that he can pretend he’s a gay guy dating a guy named Ronaldo (Beck) who’s cat (Peach) died so that he can talk about what’s really happening between him and Beck. It makes sense once it all clicks but this episode definitely gave me short term dyslexia.

 Beck lights a thousand candles (aspirational but unrealistic) in Joe’s murder den basement and gives him a meatball sandwich to eat as a nice gesture after being a shitty coworker. They discuss Beck’s upcoming birthday and Joe offers to take her to Momofuku, which is kind of sweet and insulting at the same time. She insists she wants something small. 

Next thing we know, Joe is consulting Lynn, who shows up in a zebra skirt and admits to having syphilis (twice). She convinces Joe to throw a surprise party for which everyone is supposed to dress up as their favorite literary character. Isn’t that the party Taylor Swift threw for New Years? For the record, I’d go as Alaska from that John Green book and show up with some cigarettes and a tube of toothpaste. 

Joe agrees and they throw a fun, nerdy party that any Strand worker would totally nut over. He even makes a cake that looks like a scrabble board with their new, clunky word across the middle. He gets stopped in his hallway as he’s leaving by this totally random neighbor woman who has an obvious boner for him. (Did we meet her? Why do I not know who she is? Why is she dressed like a nurse? Why is everyone in his building dressed like a nurse? )The best part is that when they think Beck has arrived, everyone hides and then jumps out and yells “SURPRISE!” only to find that it’s just Hari Nef dressed like a pilgrim! Amazing! The party is a total bust because Beck said she wanted something small, damn it! She totally chews Joe out during the party and leaves. Can someone make a compilation of Beck leaving? She LOVES leaving. Joe is left to brood in his Ernest Hemingway turtleneck. Oh, and Lynn in her slutty Hermione costume is also A1. She talks to a guy “from Bushwick” and it’s a relatable moment for everyone. 

Beck shows up to Joe’s place with a donut - “it’s glazed,” she slurs. They hug and make up for the 736328th time. Beck finally does something that she should’ve done in episode one: NOTICES Joe stalking her. She’s finally like, “Are you following me?!” He admits that he doesn’t trust her because she’s been constantly texting someone saved under the fox emoji. He’s like, “Who’s the fox, Beck?!” and she’s like “MY FRIEND EMMA FOX FROM BROWN?!” Like, DUH! And it’s like…well then why was she turning her phone over on the nightstand? Isn’t that move only for when you don’t want to be caught texting someone sus? This isn’t the first time Beck has had sketchy phone habits that end up being totally innocent scenarios. *cough cough* when she texted her DAD like she was a HOOKER. 

Anyway, Joe breaks into the therapists computer and listens to a recording of one of her sessions. During it, she says she just wants Joe to let her go. So he does. And then he sleeps with that random woman Karen. You know, the one who hangs out in the stairwell? We never met her but its fine. After they do it, Joe gets a vision of Candace, who is always wearing something from Taylor Swift’s Red era. She says something ominous about Beck ending up like her. Anddddd SCENE.

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 6

This is the “Connecticut episode” that everyone warned me about. Joe brings a Get Well balloon (fake tender) to Peach, who has no physical evidence of..ummm…GETTING A ROCK TO HER HEAD! She then gives Joe the (probably expensive) boot, declaring “male energy” in her “healing space” as not “optimal.” She even makes him take the balloon. Way harsh, Peach!

 We meet Paco’s mom for a split sec and she apologizes on behalf of her drunk boyfriend and gives Joe some brownies. As if some left over baked goods are going to, like, heal his mangled face. 

Beck goes to the bookstore to tell Joe that she’s going to Connecticut with Peach and he tries to talk her out of it. Like all of his more valid points, Beck takes it the wrong way and storms off in that Beckish way we’ve all come to love/hate. 

One quick Google search on the Salinger estate and Joe motors off the country in his Buick. A deer crossing the road (lol) forces him to crash into a tree. He has a quick vision of “Candace” - we haven’t met her yet and I’m not really sure we want to. She seems shrill. 

He gets back on the road only to be pulled over by a very coppy looking cop (mustache, mean). He manages to get away without too much hassle, but not before having some dirty cop thoughts first. 

Once we get to Peach’s estate (very Cheryl Blossom vibes but only from the outside) the episode turns into a total fever dream of Joe creeping around the house while he continues to see this annoying Candace girl. She’s SUCH a Candace. 

When Beck and Peach return from the mall (love that), Joe is literally laying on the bathroom floor with a needle in his head because he was trying to sew himself back together. Beck takes a bath in the claw foot tub even though the one in the master bath has “perfectly placed jets.” Weird flex, Peach, but ok. Joe and Peach both watch her soak and it’s super uncomfy. Joe has to pee so he grabs a mason jar from a tchotchkes shelf and PEES IN IT and then goes downstairs and slams a door to get Peach’s attention. She immediately grabs a gun from her Chanel bag, naturally.

 This random guy named Raj shows up right as Beck comes down in her new dress. They know each other but we don’t know why or how. They all sit around the fire place and drink while Peach hits on Beck. Meanwhile, Joe is rummaging around for the gun - he even looks in the Chanel. I think he has a thing for designer bags. 

The “party” moves upstairs and Joe ends up trapped under the bed. Peach kisses Beck who gets uncomfortable and goes downstairs to twirl around and touch all the plants. Joe has to text Beck from under the bed where Peach is literally PEGGING this random Raj guy. The next morning, Beck confronts Peach about how she KISSED HER and Peach is all like, “We were ROLLING!” Beck storms off (naturally) to get an Uber. Joe has another delusional vision of Candace which gets him caught by Peach, who finally gets him where she wants him: helpless and on the ground. Joe says that his “assistant Paco” (clever) has all of her stalker pics of Beck and he’ll use them as blackmail if he has to. He tells Peach to “go to Paris” and “find a nice French girl.” She finally snaps and shoots the gun, hitting a cabinet. Joe dashes out and makes a run for it but Peach is quick in her silk Pj set and totally nabs him in the leg. He goes down and plays dead and then grabs her and SHOOTS HER!

 He makes it look like a suicide in a dumb letter that includes the phrase “cosmic highway” - all hope that she could MAYBE be alive is dashed when we see the ambulance load her body up. The jar of pee is shown one last time, which makes me think that his little tinkle is gonna get him jailed in the end.

 Joe gets some medical attention from Paco’s mom (is she a doctor?) and then the episode ends when Joe and Beck arrive home after Peach’s funeral. So she’s actually dead. Hopefully they’ll pull a Pretty Little Liars and have her come back somehow. Justice for Peach! She’s just a closeted gay trying to navigate this world! Ok and maybe a psychopath LOL.

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 5

Joe and Beck have a cute little morning - she "writes" while he makes her avocado toast and sniffs her underwear (weird). Fast forward to girl's night and Annika is spilling guacamole on her boobs and Peach is being soooo bitchy about it. 

The next day Annika shows up to the book store for literally no reason and Joe helps her come up with a (bad) caption for her throwback post featuring a pre-nose job Peach. We learn she's a curve model with 3 million followers. I think a solid 235K would've been a tad more believable, but it's fine. Then, a mysterious fake account (obvi Peach) posts an old college video of a blacked out Annika saying something racist which makes her lose her sponsorships and put a scarf around her head like a scorned babushka. 

Joe starts to follow Peach on her morning jogs in order to get into her head, which provides for some nice grey sweatpants moments. He must work 3 hours every week if he has enough time to stalk two people. Beck tells Peach she's getting an agent and Peach, Salinger that she is, says she can introduce her to THE literary agent. How? By throwing a totally fake party at the book store. During the soiree, Joe takes Peach's Goyard tote into his murder den and starts rifling through it until he finds an old pic of Beck in a Taylor-Swift-vintage swimsuit. He jacks off to the polaroid and promptly brings Peach's bag upstairs, probably getting his scholarly nut all over it. DESGUSTENG! Does nut stain canvas?! 

He overhears Peach talking shit to the big shot agent while they randomly smoke a cigarette (joint?), like, INSIDE the bookstore. The next day Annika and Joe meet up, AGAIN, for no reason. 

Peach shows up to Joe's to look for her missing marble Macbook. Beck reveals that Peach has been feeling unsafe in her own home, which is a win for Joe, who's actually stalking her and stealing her shit on the reg. Peach reveals that she and James Franco "didn't end well." Joe DOES end up breaking into Peach's computer using her password: Beckalicious. On it, he finds folders of weird pics of Beck and realizes that she's also stalking her.

 Meanwhile, Beck finds out that the literary agent Peach introduced her to just wanted to get high and shag her in the back of a limo! He didn't even read her stuff about her not-dead dead dad! Beck freaks out at Peach, who plays dumb, and accuses her of setting her up AND leaking the Annika racism video, tells her it's exhausting being her friend, and then leaves in a huffy. 

Peach goes home and commits quasi-suicide, forcing Beck to come over and save her. Joe see's through her antics - after all, they're both intelligent stalkers! There's a weird montage of Peach and Beck making out after they go to bed together. 

The next day, Joe throws a ROCK at Peach's head under a bridge in Central Park and then runs away. Very discreet. But he's experiencing runner's high, so we can't really blame him for being ~impulsive~. Paco, Joe's poor little neighbor fucks up and gets Joe beat UP by his drunk almost-step-dad. Beck calls right then and there to let Joe know that Peach has been attacked but she's ALIVE! Good, because I would've stopped watching if Peach kicked the buckette.

[harrysthoughts]

Hi Youlinas! OMG episode 4 was such a slog episode.

 Peach is only in it for, like, 3 minutes! Anywho, if you haven’t seen episode 4 of You, steer clear cuz I’m about to spoil it like raisins spoil cookies.

 So, we immediately pick up during Joe’s premature nut and it’s more awkward the second time around. Beck immediately goes to the bathroom to text “The Captain.” Nate’s dad?! I wish. After texting him about meeting at a motel and getting a $500 transfer from him, we assume it’s a sugar daddy. Her curtain-less brownstone starts to make more sense. She tells everyone she’s going on a writing retreat. Peach, Miss Detective that she is, immediately becomes skeptical (from the floor of her bed-bug ridden closet). 

Beck goes to the motel and for some reason gets really horny because of the #motelvibes but before she can do anything about it, The Captain shows up looking like a Tim Burton extra. Joe, of course, is at the motel, spying on her. He’s just as confused as we are. And then we learn that it’s her DAD! He’s alive! And they’re both dressed like steampunks because they’re going to a Dicken’s Festival! DOY! How could we have been so naive?! We really thought Beck had landed herself a motel-booking sugar papa! 

So now Beck is dressed like a 19th century trollop (but with a pair of H&M sunglasses) and she’s being forced to spend time with her father’s new, goody goody, Christian mommy blogging family. She even calls her step-mom “crazy pants” - in her head, of course. The casting director needs a pat on the back for finding the most step-mom looking actress ever. Kudos. Also the little step sister is super whackable. Like, you just want to flick her. Joe dresses up, too, and actually looks really newspaper-y and hot in a little cap and blazer. Definitely BDE (Big Dickens Energy). 

Naturally, Joe and Beck finally notice each other, and Beck is like ???? HoW’d YoU kNoW i WaS hErE?!? And Joe is like, “I stalked you here!” Not actually, but basically. And then her dad comes over and Joe finds out he’s actually alive and then they take a walk on a dock and Beck shares her whole father-daughter sob story with him. It looks like the set of the Last Song. Like REALLY looks like it. Like I couldn’t focus on the boring convo they were having. 

Beck gets mad at Joe for saying something dumb so he leaves and then her dad comes out and they hash it out, blah blah blah. Peach, meanwhile, has been actively trying to get to the bottom of why Joe is so sketchy. She’s totally gonna uncover everything soon. Unless Joe kills her first! And remember, she has bed bugs, so she’s dealing with that! And by dealing with that, I mean staying at the Mandarin Oriental and wearing all black. Seriously, what would we do without Peach? 

Beck comes over to Joe’s unannounced to apologize. He quickly realizes he has her stuff all over the apartment - don’t worry, he hides everything while she’s straddling him, somehow. She watches him sleep and lets him know that he drools. Ok, so they’re both freaks. Good to know. And that’s what you missed on Glee! 

#you #episode 4

[harrysthoughts]

You - Episode 3

Tonight we’ll unpack episode 3 - or as I like to call it, “The One With the Red Ladle” Joe (so tempted to just call him Dan - old habits die hard) finally needs to get rid of Benji’s rotting body. It’s starting to ooze (artisanal) fluids and smell up the murder den- I mean the uhhh...old book restoration chamber? Beck meets this betchy girl from her class named Blythe (Hari Nef!) who speaks multiple languages and actually writes, which is totally threatening to her, as someone who is lingual and DOESN’T write. She goes to drinks with her girlies, who are discussing their dick pic collections and uncircumcised penises - standard cock-tail fodder. She leaves with the HOT bartender and they break her bed while doing it (his Warby Parker glasses stay on throughout - is that a thing? Do glasses stay on during sex? I wear contacts). So now, Joe not only has to get rid of the BODY, but he has to win Beck before she sleeps with OTHER tradesmen. He magically appears in a cute old car belonging to the book shop owner - is he still alive?! Beck bounds down the stairs in her flip flops (her “toes sparkle”) and hops in, perpetually drunk on life. I keep waiting for her to pull out a flask. At the furniture store, Beck finds a red ladle and says it’s exactly like the one she has at home, the one her dad used to use when he made her pancakes. Wait, so was Benji lying when he said she liked to be spanked with it? Do we need to get Freud involved? And then, behind some sheer room dividers, Joe slides down on Beck like a firefighter down a pole until she throws him off of her, claiming she’d rather NOT do THAT in the middle of a furniture store. Yikes, Joe! Know when to say when! Peach crashes the IKEA commercial worthy scene that is Beck and Joe putting the new bed together because she’s in pain. Apparently she can’t pee correctly if she drinks Stoli and not Grey Goose, or something along those lines. I think she was just overheated from wearing a fur coat in August, but it’s fine. Joe starts to drive them in his car (which is now a hearse because the body is in the trunk! Love that) until Peach can’t take the “putrid” smell any longer and decides to walk. We love a woman who takes matters into her own hands. Joe almost gets caught disposing the body, like, 12 times but he finally burns it in the woods. It’s his fault for making poor little Poco buy all the supplies necessary to burn a body! How is the kid smart enough to read 5 books a day but not smart enough to know that a shopping list containing NITROGEN PEROXIDE and TWINE is red flaggish?! Afterwords, Joe goes to Beck’s with a BOX OF PANCAKE MIX! He wants to be her dad so badly! She answers the door in a red bra and shoos the pancake mix away, definitely noting the weirdness of the gesture but too horny to acknowledge it then and there. The episode ends with him prematurely nutting after .3 seconds of doing it with Beck. And that’s what you missed on Glee!