happyfuckingbirthdei

[happyfuckingbirthdei]

I don't get why it's so hard to be friends with you, or why it's such a big deal with us just being friends. Because honestly, even if you get the privelege to leave whatever life you have right now and choose to be in another one, I still wouldn't dare to be your girl simply because I am not an option. No matter how much I think I like you, I wouldn't want you to choose me over someone else because I do not deserve to be plan b. Sure, you're the ideal man I have been dreaming about but maybe that's just how it really is- just a dream. You're not real, not in my reality at least. I'm probably just daydreaming and creating this perfect image of you in my head that absolutely has nothing to do with my waking life. I know that and I accept that, and I am not hurt by that fact. I am at a happy place in my life so even if you're a friend or not, I am fine. At the end of the day I know I have myself and my friends with me so I'm perfectly fine, really. Let me obsess over it for a little while just until I get to know the real you and this reality sinks in.

[happyfuckingbirthdei]

A change in my character a year after being single-

I used to be full of emotions. Full of passion and of love. I easily get attached to everything- people, material things w sentimental values, relationships, even pets that aren't even mine.

Now I am more careful of people and things that I let into my life because I am one cold hearted bitch.

Con- I am sooo emotionally detached it takes A LOT to break down my walls.

Pro- I am living with a more peaceful life, with a healthier mental state that I haven't had in years.

I can still give a lot of love, I know. Because I now love myself fully. I know what I can give and I'm not letting all my love, time and effort go to waste one more time.

Goodbye to all the temporary people in my life. Thank you for the life lessons.

[happyfuckingbirthdei]

An Open Letter to my Fbud

Hey,

I wanna be honest with you. I feel like I have to distance myself from you for a while. It has been 3 months since we started being intimate in the bedroom and spending time together, and I have a 3-month rule -- to stop seeing someone I constantly spend time with after 3 months simply because I tend to get attached when I get too close to someone. I have high walls, sure you know that, after my failed relationships I am now more careful, but I’m also just human. I’m not a fucking robot, or a sex machine. I’m also not a guy who can have sex and feel nothing after. Can’t control my feelings sometimes.

I enjoy your company, I really do. Which is why I feel the need to stop seeing you for a while. I know that from the very beginning we are both clear with what we are and what we want- just sex. But getting to know you after spending time, sharing meals, going out, laughing at random things like shitty politicians during car rides going home, doing late night walks talking about literally anything under the sun, I realized that you are a very likeable person. What is not there to like? You’re decent, you’re not demanding and/or controlling like other guys, you go w the flow, you make sense (and you have no idea how many guys I’ve had meaningless conversations with!), you have a great lifestyle. You go out and still manage to be healthy, there is a balance! You look good, you’re independent, you’re the type of guy who I can leave with people you just met and you’ll be fine. I won’t have to worry about you. You have your shit together. You can cook!! i mean that is a basic life skill but not all guys can cook! My ex definitely can’t even fry an egg, he just fucking eats everything in sight! Haha! You like helping people and I learn a lot from you. Our sex is great!! And you’re bald, lol you are checking all the boxes here my friend.

So with that being said, it’s pretty safe to say that I like you as a friend and fuck buddy and I don’t wanna start getting attached to you. I am not saying that I am in love with you now because I’m not, but IF one day that happens, I know I am fucked. I don’t want to fall for someone who doesn’t like me enough to actually consider being in a relationship w me. And we both know what we want. We’re both aware that we are not ready for something more. You are the country’s all-time bachelor and I know you like to keep it that way.

I have been there- i fell in love with someone who didn’t want anything to do w me but just have sex. And I don’t wanna put myself in the same situation for the second time around because it didn’t do me any good. I resulted to doing things I thought I wanted to do but actually didn’t because you tend to do crazy things when you don’t get what you want. The constant rejection fucked up my mind and emotions. I now know myself enough to know when to draw the line.

You are a very kind person and I don’t wanna play games with you or anything. I wanna keep you as a friend and that’s kinda hard to do when you start liking your friend. I’m sure this is not the first time a girl confessed something like this to you so you can just go back to doing your thing but I just needed to let it out and let you know about how I feel at the moment. This won’t really matter a few days from now. 

We can still be friends, sure, but no more fucking for now. And I’d like to thank you for sharing your time and life lessons with me for a short while.You really helped me a lot without you even being aware of it. It was really nice knowing you :)

[happyfuckingbirthdei]

Life After A Breakup

It’s never easy. You drown your sorrows away, you do everything that you can until the pain hit the bricks, though only temporary. Everyday you crave for that dose of dopamine, and you’ll find it in all the wrong places, doing all the wrong things, with all the wrong people. You make mistakes and you try to justify it all. It’s fine, really- making mistakes, because it’s how we grow and learn. Justified, again. But somehow you have to know when to stop and where to draw the line.

You spend time with people who you thought would make up for the time and bliss you lost over the years, only to learn that people really do just come and go. No one in our lives is truly permanent. End of the day you have no one but yourself. It takes time to rebuild a new life, in a new environment, with new people. You try to leave everything that will remind you of your past. You start from scratch. There will be days when you’ll feel you are making progress only to go back to square one, once your triggers knock on your doors again.

But this is also the time you discover who you want in your support system. You find out that not everyone is genuine. More often than not, folks around you would only want to take something from you. Maybe not all, but you will surely meet a lot of them, and it’s fine. Again, not all. You will still have few, beautiful friends who you will love the hell out of, and when you have them in your life, you will learn to love life more. You keep them. They will make you realize that love does not just come from having a partner. You will come to realize that in this fast-paced world that we live in, you can still exist. You don’t have to get stuck in one place. This family you get to choose can shower you with so much love and care, and you’ll love the shit out of it. All part of the process. So, while you give yourself permission to be a little careless, you also have to be aware of who you give your precious energy to. And once you do, life will be a little bit more peaceful.

The energy that you need to go through the healing process takes a lot of time and work, and it can drain you. One day you’re having the best time, and then you’re breaking down the next, out of nowhere. It could be a cycle for God knows how long, but you have got to be strong. You have to rise up each time, no matter how hard it can get. No one is there to help you, and you can’t walk away from you. In times when you just want to disappear, you remember your family. You might want to be a little selfish but you really can’t. Because when you burn, they burn too. So now you have that pressure.

Pressure- another thing that you will feel every single day. Though you are entitled to your own healing, pressure and timing are bitches, because when it rains, it fucking pours, it’s true. While you’re in the process of making yourself better, you can’t really control the other external factors that happen in your daily life. There goes your family, career, and financial problems that if you don’t face, will come bite you in the ass. So, you make a game plan for your future. You factor in not just yourself but your family too. Because while you are growing old, your folks are aging as well. And in this time of day, every single thing is just a fucking challenge. But let’s not go there. You focus more on yourself, above anything else. You realize that the earlier you put yourself in a better place, the more you can extend help to others who need you.

Have gratitude. Problems are always going to arise. Having the strength to still move forward after life knocks you out is something to be grateful for. You come out stronger each time, and when life throws punches at you again, you stand up and fight because you can.

There’s so much you can discover about yourself. And in the process of doing so, keep in mind that your overall well-being comes first. You keep your mental health in check because when you are mentally healthy, everything else follows. You can have better decisions that will affect your entire being with a healthy mind. Go through the process because there are no shortcuts in life. Understand what your takeaways are from all these experiences. Learn. There is life after a breakup.

#single #singlelife #breakup