happychappy

[happychappy]

Holy fucking shit. I cannot stop thinking about last night. We were talking about who we used to like or had things with and I felt…I felt fine but at the same time, I wanted to make a statement. We started kissing and I felt the need to know she was mine. We started making out and once I started touching her clit and her breathing was getting heavier, I told her I wanted to hear her say my name when she came. She was my slut. The sloppy fucking kisses, her body, the way she sounded, the words she was saying. Everything was perfect, if only I talked more. But when she finally came, it sounded like she was struggling to keep it quiet. The way her body spasmed and she moaned my fucking name. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever fucking heard. I get butterflies just thinking about it. She sounded so fucking slutty. Fuck me, and she was so wet. My girl’s always so wet for me. I’m so fucking horny 😭 help I might rub one out in the toilet HAHAHA I wanted to fuck her so bad. I can’t wait to get a strap on and fuck her properly.

Also I can’t stop just thinking about her. She’s so fucking beautiful. I can’t understand why she’s with me. I miss her 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it’s only been 2 hours since I saw her but fuck I miss my girl.

[happychappy]

This woman is either gonna be my one and only love, or my worst fucking heartbreak. If something happens to us and we break up…no one would compare to her. She’s my first true love and the thought of not being by her side makes me literally want to kill myself. I really mean it this time. I would kill myself. Not by dying, but by doing things that hurt me, which will in due time, cause me to die from the inside. I’d probably get depressed and yearn for any kind of touch. I’d become desperate and fuck around, never trusting anyone with my heart again. I’d seclude myself from everyone and everything. Probably lose connections with friends and family. Get high all the time. 80 on the roads. Stop eating or sleeping. My smile would be gone and my life would be pointless. She literally consumes my entire being and I’m so fucking scared. If it isn’t us til death do us part, I’m going to kill myself.

[happychappy]

She just told me that her course friend kept being fucking touchy today. Slapping her ass, cuddling her, kissing her fucking head. I can’t help but feel…RED. I feel so fucking possessive I’m so scared I might hurt her. It’s even worse because I used to be insecure about them together but she reassured me. Hearing that…I want to rip her friend’s head off fr. And then she told me that her friend wanted to hookup with her other friend? Like CLEARLY she’d want to get with MY fucking gf too. All those fucking signs and she still has the nerve to say “No ShE woUlD NeVeR hOoKuP wIth Me” ah FUCKARPPP don’t act dumb bro 🧍and then she says “also, her bf will be at the party” but like what the fuck is the difference if she said it about Kiyanou? Make it make fucking sense. All I can think about is claiming her in front of that whole fucking party now. Just fucking her right in front of her friend’s fucking face. Making eye contact with her friend while my fingers are inside her, her juices dripping from her pussy. Like fuck off bro. Don’t touch what’s not fucking yours you hoe motherfucker. I feel such a fucking rage right now I literally just wanted to rip my room apart. What the fuck. I HATE this feeling. Why can’t I be normal? I just want to put a leash on my gf. Give her hickies everywhere. Put handprints on her ass. I want to just mark her. She’s too fucking SEXY. WHY?! Why the fuck does she have to look so fucking good all the fucking time? Why does she have to draw everyone’s attention to her? Why can’t she be like me? My jealousy issues are a lot worse than I thought. It’s like literally any time she gets a smidge of attention from someone else, I shut down and fucking go cry baby. Like fuck up. Just accept that she was born like that and go on your merry way. She can’t control what other people fucking do bro. Oh that’s also why I’m mad. When she was explaining what she was doing when her friend was being a fucking whore, it didn’t seem genuine. Like she didn’t mind it. Where’s the “fuck off bro”? Where’s the getting angry and pushing her away and screaming? No. Just a “stop 😐” NOT ENOUGH FOR FUCKS SAKE. If you liked it then just fucking say that. She said she was into “nonconsensual consent” too 🧍 she’s right next to me and I miss her so much. But I still feel possessive and I don’t want to hurt her. I feel so empty rn bro. I want to cry HAHAHA after such a good night, it had to end like this. Sophia, if you’re fucking reading this…you’ve betrayed me 🧍 even knowing how my trust issues are. Don’t fucking do it again. I promise I’ll literally break up with you over this reason alone. This is a test of trust

So…I’ve been thinking for a pretty long time now. I was making myself more mad just thinking about it. Finding things to get more upset about, to the point where when I closed my eyes, I tried to think about what makes me truly happy and content. First it was my gf, but then I saw her and Amahre and got fucked off. Then I thought about killing Amahre…it felt good. So I started thinking about killing everyone else that ever even simply looked at my gf and I felt satisfied for a while. Then I started thinking…is this worth it? Is this really what our relationship should be like? My baby does so much for me, and I love her so much. Am I really gonna be upset at her about something she couldn’t control? She’s been working so fucking hard today to pull off her amazing performance, and then I end the day being a shitty gf. That’s not how I want it to be. My mood swings are getting too much for me, it’s fucking pissing me off. She doesn’t deserve that at all. I started thinking about all the things she’s said to me, when she’d reassure me or when she’d be there for me. No. She deserves the world and my fucking trust issues are getting in the way of that. I’m going to start trusting her now. If she hurts me, then she hurts me. And we’ll break up. But for now, I’ll trust her for real this time. She fucking belongs to me and no one else, I just have to understand that. I’m the one that gets to hold her, kiss her, love her, fuck her, grow with her, learn with her, experience life with her. I could not be any more lucky than this.

Also…I kept imagining fucking her and I’d say things like “When you cum, I want to hear my name come out of your slutty mouth. You’re gonna cum for me, and only me. Open your fucking mouth and say who you belong to.” And I’d imagine exactly how she’d sound…that made me happy for a while too. I’d also slap her ass and tell her that if anyone else fucking does that to her, you tell them to fuck off and think of me. “If anyone touches you, you think of this moment where I’m fucking you til you only know my name. My hands. My voice. Me.” I don’t know how my brain is so fucking good at talking, but I’m a quiet little bitch when it comes to real life 🧍 I swear in my head, I’m such a good talker. I’m just too insecure to say it out loud. BOOOORIIIINGGGG

[happychappy]

Confession:

I love my girl. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so grateful to have her in my life. But sometimes…sometimes I think “is that all?” I look at her and I see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I look at her and think, “How is this Goddess all mine?” And I feel so comfortable and content with her. She feels like home and if I could spend every second of my life with her, I would. I think all this and yet, still, “Is that all?” I think I have problems with seeing depth…or feeling it. I think I really am emotionally unstable. I’ve only ever liked people for how they looked, or how they made me feel. But what about them as a person? She’s kind, caring and so funny. But so are a lot of people. Why do I love her? Why is she different? Is it my attraction to her? I know I’m in love with this girl and I care about her with all my heart, I just don’t really understand why. I’ve never understood my thoughts or emotions. I would mainly base them on other peoples’, so this question really fucked with me. I might just ask her why she loves me and try to go from there. But I don’t want to base it off her at the same time…I want to feel how I feel. Especially when it comes to love and relationships. I need to be true to myself for this to really work…I fucking hope I get this sorted because right now, I’m feeling lost.

[happychappy]

I hate that this is the first post but I’m really upset about it so I want to vent and leave it here :( I love my girl so fucking much. She’s everything to me. But right now, I’m so fucking mad and sad and overthinking everything. So she texted me saying that her and her friend saw her ex, WHO I THOUGHT WAS IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY. But no. She was fucking HERE. Anyways, a whole 6 minutes after that, she wanted to say that her ex is ugly and I’m an upgrade. But did she really think that? Like truly, with all her heart? Why’d it take so long? What if she saw her and thought oh I miss her. Or damn she looks good. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! And idk, we talked about it and she said she was just busy with course but the way she said it sounded so sus 🧍 like she kind of mumbled it? And that’s all she said. She didn’t say I promise you right now that I have no feelings whatsoever for her and she can fucking die. No. She just said she was busy. That’s what you hear from all the cheater or people who’s done something they shouldn’t have. I know she’s said it before but I think I need to hear it right now. And I don’t want to tell her that’s what I need because she’ll just say it bc I want her to. I want her to MEAN it. I want her to reassure me so bad rn. I cried myself to sleep last night because I was thinking about her leaving me or cheating on me. The only reason they broke up was because her ex moved away and she became distant. But she’s back 🧍 she’s here. What if she’s here for good and they talked yesterday or there was tension or something? What if they still love eachother? What is she still loves her? Should I end it and let them be happy together? 🙃 should I end it while I have the courage to? She makes me so happy and I really, really love her. I literally can’t imagine my life without her, but if she’d be happier with someone else then okay haha…I’m fucking kidding. Who the FUCK? If she’s not happy with me, then I’ll become a fucking comedian because huh? Her? With someone else? Fuck. No. I’ve claimed her and she’s fucking mine. Only I can make her happy :)

I say that, but I end up getting insecure again and thinking oh she’d be better off with someone else. My mind is so contradicting. I would rip whoever she gets with apart. Literally hospitalise them. I honestly don’t care. Anyways…I don’t want to get hurt. I know I love her more than she loves me. I can feel it, and I fucking hate it. I want to leave so I don’t have to deal with these emotions. I’ve never fucking been like this before. This is my first relationship and idk how to fucking handle it. Too much happening all the time. I like catering to her needs, but I do it to the point where it gets in the way of what I need or want. But that’s just how I love. I’ve always done that for people I love, but thinking about it in the long run…it’s gonna drain me. I don’t know what to do.

Alsoooo I want to be FUCKED. Like I actually do. I was thinking about it before and I kind of miss the feeling I’d get with men. The fantasies and the need to be dominated. But I feel so uncomfortable when she does any of that with me. It makes me feel disgusted and I think that’s because of my “alpha male” mentality. I’m the man in the relationship, so I fuck her and make her cum. The thought of her fucking me gives me the ick. Every time I’ve cum since I’ve been with her, it’s because I’d imagine me with a strap and she’d be riding me. Her fat ass is bouncing and she’s staring at me with that desperate slutty look on her face. “That feels so good, daddy.” Anyways 💀 every single time, it’s me fucking her. And OH MY GOD. When we’re fucking, I talk to her in my head 😭 when she says stuff, I’ll reply but in my fucking head and it’s so hot but I feel like my voice doesn’t suit it so I just shut the fuck up.

I’m getting off topic 🧍 no surprise there. It’s just my trust issues. I have no fucking idea how to make them disappear. Okay, so I always think she doesn’t actually like me. I just don’t see how such a beautiful and amazing woman could be with such an ugly and boring person like me 💀 It’s crazy because I’ve seen the way her eyes dilate and I know she loves me but at the same time…WHY?! WHY ME? And she liked ME first. It just doesn’t make sense 😭 I’m not fucking complaining, I just don’t understand. She’s so fucking beautiful and sexy and perfect. I’m a literal loser 💀 I think if she was a bit uglier, it’d be easy to trust her and believe in how she feels about me. But no. She has to be the most beautiful woman in the world 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍 like bro even when she just wakes up and she’s in track pants and a jersey! HOW DO YOU PULL THAT OFF?! When she eats, she makes it look fucking sexy! It literally turns me on 😭 HOW?! WHY?! Her body is so fucking perfect and her face is symmetrical like COME ONNN. She literally has an hourglass body, she’s shorter than me, her hair is so nice and soft, her eyes are beautiful, her nose is fucking adorable, her lips and big and kissable like fuck me bro. And oh my god her ass. Her fucking ass. It’s HUGE 👺 I love gripping it and jiggling it, it’s so fucking hot. She has the perfect ass I swear to God. Fuck this, I’m getting horny and side tracked 🧍 AGAIN.

But she’s also there for me when I need her. I know I talk led about her body a lot but who she is so much fucking more than that. She’s always so prepared to listen and she’s so caring and giving like idk how someone can be so perfect. She’s funny and weird and comfortable and everything. She feels like home and I wish I could spend every second of my life with her. I just like that we can sit in silence as well. We don’t need to talk to be okay, we can just enjoy eachother’s presence. There aren’t many people I can do that with 😔 OH MY GOD and she’s SO SO SO talented! She moves so gracefully, it’s like she was born to dance. Ykw? I just thought about what else I love about her and I can only see her smile 😭 is that weird? I think that’s weird. But her smile is my most favourite thing about her, I swear to God. It just makes me so fucking happy and I’d embarrass myself over and over again if it means she’d smile. I carried her on my back and pretended to struggle so she’d laugh *sigh* I miss her so much. I wish she was here with me rn. Okay I think I’m fine now HAHAHA I really fucking needed that 😭😭😭 this helps a LOTTTT. Anyways, that’s my story 💅