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glitteredcum · 3 years

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glitteredcum · 3 years

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way back when I actually wore dresses... lol rare photo dumb (?)

#bella #bellatrix kiddo #bellatrix #bella kiddo #sadlsdimp #sadimp #maryjanelsd #stonednbratt #stonednbratty

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glitteredcum · 3 years

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Coming back...

I’ve been wanting to monologue since I don’t really write in a journal anymore.. and tbh it’s so much more fun typing out my feelings these days, even if no-one reads it too...

So much has been going on in my life lately and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it...

Funny thinking about it now, I never really fully notice how I will process my own emotions until I start doing this... or journaling...

It’s been too long, and there has been so much on my mind lately...

Let’s start with the basics:

1) I had an interview today and I think I was hired (?) lol... so that’s cool, however I won’t be starting until two weeks from now... but that’s still a good thing bc it gives me a chance to live it up before starting work again.. lol I’m excited but idk how long I’ll keep this job... tbh my mental health is so bad (even at my best) it’s kinda really hard for me to keep a “normal” job (also a part of the reason why I have an OF because it’s so much easier motivating myself for something I have to schedule myself for...)

2) I broke up with (one of) my boyfriends, (Zack, now ex) today... bc he kept pushing me away and I couldn’t take it anymore.... Worrying about him was really starting to wear down on me, and I’m not going to let myself put up with someone who’s making me feel like shit bc they do... (I’m sorry, but I care about myself more than that...) I need someone who’s going to treat me the way my other boyfriend (CJ) does... he ALWAYS hits me up and checks up on me and even updates me on his own mental health! (He even tells me when he’s down and I think it’s the cutest fucking thing ever how comfortable he feels with me... I love you CJ!♥)

3) I now live in my (”own*) apartment with my brother!? ... it’s cool living with him but obvi his name is on the lease so I don’t pay FULL rent, however I STILL PAY RENT! (I don’t need newfags telling me I don’t pay rent) But, there still is a lot of things unfinished in the house and the landlord seems to not even fucking care??? Like it’s fucked up how much we pay for rent and there’s fucking MOLD in the house! Like???? YIKES... Anyways,

4) I am now with my wife Lele for 3 YEARS! ♥ and Katii 2 YEARS! ♥ (These are the longest LDR I’ve ever had! And I’m so proud of us and how far we’ve come!♥ I LOVE my babies!♥) I have also added Brandon this summer ♥ CJ a few months back in April or May ♥ and Xavier last year in November ♥ to the partner list! (I also have another LD bf in New Jersey but he doesn’t want his name out there yet, so I will leave him Anon for now ♥) And that’s 6 partners in total! ♥

5) My NJ boo has kind of been giving me major heart ache, and y’all ima be full on honest af with out trying to expose him soooo LOL.... for now let’s just say that he has a very time consuming career-path and I used to have a crush on his friend... LOL long story short when we first met IRL, I was going through a very crazy manic episode during the time and I was trying to find a way to live out there (clearly did not work since im back at my home-town lol) but, I ended up telling his BESTFRIEND that I had a crush on him after getting my heart SHATTERED by a fucking - .... rude person I was living with at the time /.\ (trying not to shit talk all my ex’s bc the past is the past but still that person fucking shattered me, but anyways) I was just heartbroken and letting all that out to the wrong person, and we’re cool now (me and my crush), and we had a convo about it and he said it’s “not a big deal” and shit, but idk... something feels off... maybe it’s just me over thinking but we always go through these periods where we will talk for literally two days straight and then he ghosts me for weeks after that...? Like it always has me feeling like he’s just fucking with me this entire time... but everytime he “slides back in my dms” that feeling goes away... I’m so confused honestly, and I don’t even want to think about him or his anymore so I just muted him on instagram and his friends bc I can’t stand being reminded of him (my crush).... I’ve NEVER felt this way about any guy before and idk how to deal with it other than just ignoring it and putting my mind else where.... UGH I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I guess y’all can tell what’s really been on my mind here now huh... lol fuck man... ☻ life is crazy... and I feel dead inside 100% of the time tbh, but I’m just too high to notice... lol

Literally if it wasn’t for w**d IDK what I’d be doing w my life, I CBA... LOL

Nah but really though, when you start to value yourself more and how you are treated, you really start to put up with WAAAAAAAAAY less from people. I’ve learned how valuable my time and love is, and I’m not going to allow ANYONE to take that for granted... anyone who doesn’t make me feel absolutely loved for accepted, will be DISMISSED IMMEDIATELY! I don’t have time for people to waste... I need people around me who give me pure love and friendship, I’m not one for the fake shit babe, you can more around with that! ♥

Anyways, y’all ty for reading if you did! I hope this reaches someone who could use this or someone who really needs someone to relate to bc girl, same! ♥