emails i can’t send
pairing: musician!leon kennedy x musician!f!reader
tag(s): friends to lovers, angst to fluff, based on sabrina carpenter’s album of the same name
warning(s): angst in the beginning, mentions of break up (not with leon tho i promise), very self-indulgent :]]], like, i’m deadass serious, the middle part’s solely dedicated to valorant (i’m sorry) to the point where i feel like most people reading this wouldn’t understand a single thing on that part. i’m addicted to that game at this point
songs used in this fic: lonesome, feather, bad for business
word count: 2322
*****
If I fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me too?
You leaned back onto the bed frame as you scribbled words on the page. The room was dimmed and bestrewed with crumpled and torn-up papers. On them was a collection of lyrics and doodles, all scrapped and erased with different variations of squiggles and lines across them. You looked out the window. The storm was still swirling outside, you could see how the rain was being pushed towards the direction the wind was taking them along with the trees holding strong against the puddled ground. Droplets of water were looking pretty gliding across glass like a bunch of tiny branched-out rivers heading down towards the pool on the windowsill. The mood was just right for you, perfect for an angsty and lonesome song to be written under the flashing lights of the occasional lightning.
Or maybe I believed in all your lies 'cause I believed in you
Downstairs you could hear Leon experimenting with different chords on his guitar, falling flat with the strings from time to time. You even found yourself giggling at the amount of times you heard him growling in frustration when he couldn’t get the tone and the transitioning of the sounds right, or when he forgot which chord to play next.
“Fucking dumbass fingers!”
Your smile slowly faded as your gaze fell back on your notebook. You thought about which words to write down, spinning the pen through your fingers while doing so.
Why were you somewhere else when you were next to me?
I know you know it keeps me up
Did you think about her face with your hands around my waist?
Did you even give a fuck?
You convinced yourself you were over it, over him, over that mess of a love affair that was basically just narcissism and manipulation born as one human. You’d recognized the red flags, even had you and your best friend, Leon, tag him with the nickname ‘code red’ whenever you passed by him. Still, you couldn’t keep the conflict within you that made you so gullible to your insecurities from fighting against your self-worth. You were still in the process of rebuilding that trust towards yourself, still in the process of pushing away any remnants of love that made you feel so violated. But, how were you going to forget him when you kept overthinking all that had happened? How were you going to forget loving him when you kept grasping onto the ‘what if’s?
As Leon had said, “You don’t miss him, you miss what he could’ve been.”
This was hopeless, this was ridiculous. You felt so close to finding yourself, but sometimes you’d fall back into old habits like an addict falling back into vices and argue with yourself over the dumbest things. You were falling back into painting vivid pictures of what he saw in you and washing away the good that he didn’t see in you.
As you were drowning in your thoughts, three knocks against the wooden door brought you back to reality. It was Leon with his guitar in hand, looking like a happy golden retriever that just found the ball he’d lost in the garden a few days ago.
“I think I got the perfect sound for your next song,” he said after plopping down on your mattress with his guitar positioned on his lap. “Really? Go on then. I can probably draft the next verse once I hear it.”
“Okay so, I got inspired after playing RDR2 yesterday, and I was thinking we could use some yeehaw feel for the track,” Leon shifted to a more comfortable position on the bed, scrunching the comforter below him even more. He strummed his guitar once to get a feel of the strings before pressing his fingers on them to play the chords.
The sound was beautiful, balancing between being ever so light like the pitter-pattering of the rain, and being heavy like the storm and the darkness smothering the sky.
You can't spell "lonesome" without "me"
And there's no hope in misery
I can't escapе your history, oh
You can't spell "lonesome" without "mе"
You just can't
*****
I slam the door, I hit ignore
The world felt balanced for a moment, cloudy skies filtering the sunlight and making it soft as the wind dashed every few minutes. It was like mother nature felt mushy and shy, yet loud and confident all the same. Perhaps like the fluttering of your heart, so full of joy, and the devilish assertiveness overheating your body as you continued to shit on these fucking kids trying to ego-peek you and your trusty sniper.
Breathe in, breathe out… You’re getting your ace, little angel.
Calm, cool, collected Y/N… So relaxed yet sturdy like a cloudburst circling around with the leaves.
Your hand was steady while clicking head after head, a bunch of pixels running and trying to gun you down for hours. “Too warmed up,” they said. “Heat up!” Leon screamed through the comms. You’re cracked… L Diablo… SEN ElevenZ… An amalgamation of hype and torn vocal cords ringing from your headphones and into your ears. “I’m shaving my head if you ace clutch this,” another rando commed as the in-game announcer’s voice was heard.
“Last player standing.”
You spammed your A and D keys while peeking every tight corner you turned to, jump peeked at every possible sniper angle the enemy Jett could be holding, slicing your pie as the pros would call your careful peeks. Nobody said a word, but if you had to guess, Leon must have been clenching his ass cheeks just waiting for you to either lose the final round or tie the game 12-12 and bring it to overtime. Your cheeks were beginning to heat up with nerves, also could feel your hands sweat even more. Why do ranked games have to feel like this?
I got you blocked
After this, an afterthought
I finally cut you off
You voiced your anxiousness to Leon, “I’m fucking nervous, dude. We might actually lose our RR,” you bit your lip while still jiggling behind screens. “You got this, little angel. I believe,” Leon whispered back into the mic as he sipped on his boba tea. You took a step one click at a time and took a shot with your rifle just to be certain with clearing your corners. You were sure the enemies knew where you were by now because of that shot, so you had to make a move, and fast. You smoked yourself with your Cloudburst behind screens to isolate the Sage peeking by default, promptly head- shotting her before Updrafting onto rafters to reposition yourself to a high ground, but not before losing 40 HP from a responding body shot.
1v4
You saw the Reyna jiggle peeking maze while shooting one bullet at a time. By the third peek, you got yourself a quick headshot to punish her. This, in turn, gave you your Tailwind back.
1v3
You activated your Tailwind as well as your Blade Storm ultimate so you wouldn’t have to deal with the inaccuracy of your Vandal while moving about. You checked your flank when you noted that nobody was on site to trade the Reyna, and sure enough, the enemy Jett was shift-walking with an Op like a fucking idiot. Like, why separate from your teammates and give your one enemy a 1v1? In a 1v5? Hello? This is a high elo lobby??? Anyway, despite your nerves, you shot a knife to the Opper’s head before she could do a quick scope and dashed back onto site to look for your fourth kill.
1v2
“You’re actually gonna fucking win this?”
“Oh my fucking god, I’m actually gonna shave my head.”
Then, Leon whispered into your party comms again, “I believe in you, heal yourself.” You lost your focus for a moment, pursing your lips as you tried your hardest not to laugh, “I fucking hate you so much.”.
You found your fourth just as you Updrafted onto top site, and now, it was down to…
1v1
“Holy fuck! I’m actually losing my fucking hair!”
You played a cat-and-mouse game with the final enemy once you dropped below top site, aware of the time running out. You activated your dash one last time and dodged bullets while you ring-around-a-rosied on site. Then finally, as the ticking of the bomb began to quicken, you took advantage of a momentary opening and landed a final headshot to the enemy, dashing hurriedly towards the spike to defuse it.
“Nah”
“Wait, you’re actually cracked???”
“I’m losing my hair!”
You let out a breath of relief once you saw the defused spike’s animation. “Bro, I’m never doing that again. I hated every single second of that.”.
I feel so much lighter, like a feather, with you off my mind
Floating through the memories like, whatever, you're a waste of time
Leon replied, “I told you, you could do it. Actually VCT-ready. Witewwy.”.
“Witewwy?”
“Witewwy.”
After that, the tension was turned up even more between your teams, trading round after round until…it was Leon’s time to clutch the round and win the game.
“If I win this, you have to go on a date with me,” Leon commed once again in your party voice chat, now feeling like your nerves were resettling in him. It was supposed to be a light-hearted joke, something not foreign to your dynamic, but then, “Sure, I’m down,” you shrugged with your arms crossed. You sounded too nonchalant for his liking, you just had to be unserious…right? He just had to make sure, “You serious?”. You responded, “Yeah, I’m dead-ass serious. If you clutch this, I’ll go out with you on a date, kiss you good night, then end up fu-”
“Alright, I’m clutching this.”
Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch
You fit every stereotype, send a pic
With newfound confidence and determination, he activated his Empress, gaining higher fire rate, quicker ability activation, and more healing from his Devour, all while having his powers strengthened. He blinded one of the enemies with his Leer to create a distraction, catch them off guard with his Vandal, and quickly finish them off. He then repositioned using his Dismiss to evade incoming fire and avoid detection by the remaining enemies, all while his ult automatically replenished his health before preparing for his next engagement.
With one enemy remaining and time running out, Leon faced the last enemy guarding the spike. He utilized his one Leer to disorient the player before dispatching him with a meticulous shot, and Dismissed off to defuse the spike before it exploded. And just in the nick of time, he won the round for his team and secured the game victory, as well as the additional RR.
“Welp, we’re off for the weekend.”
I feel so much lighter, like a feather, with you out my life
With you out my life
*****
The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow that washed over everything in its path. The stars twinkled like scattered diamonds, their brilliance illuminating the darkness with a celestial radiance.
The city was enveloped in a serene stillness, broken only by the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze. The shadows danced and swayed, as if performing a silent ballet, adding an air of mystery and intrigue to the scene. The darkness was deep and impenetrable, creating an otherworldly atmosphere that seemed to hold secrets waiting to be discovered.
We look good in photographs
I like the way you like to laugh at dirty jokes
I know they'll always land
Used to get work on time
But now you're taking up my nights
Never been so glad to be so tired
Leon went downstairs to grab a glass of water, when he heard a faint sound coming from the living room. Following the sound, he found you slumped over your writing table, your notebook open in front of you, fast asleep. He couldn't help but smile at your peaceful expression and the sight of your creative process in action.
As Leon approached you, he noticed that the song you had been writing was about him. His heart skipped a beat as he read the lyrics that spoke of his charisma, his means to take up your nights, and the way he had inspired you. He felt a surge of warmth and happiness knowing that he had made such an impact on you.
Ooh, I'm mad for you
It's sad but true and I know it
Ahh, you're on my mind
You stole my life and it's showin'
Carefully, Leon picked you up, cradling you in his arms, and carried you to your bed. He tucked you in, admiring your beauty even in your sleep. He couldn't help but feel a deep affection for you, not just as a collaborator and a friend, but as someone who had captured his heart.
He thought back to the open notebook, a smile tugging at his lips. He made a mental note to talk to you about the song in the morning, eager to hear more of what you had written. Leon realized that this unexpected moment had given him a glimpse into your heart, and he couldn't wait to see where your music and your connection would take you both.
With a contented sigh, Leon left the room, grateful for the serendipitous encounter that had brought him closer to you some years ago, the talented musician who had captured his heart. Little did he know that this would be the beginning of something truly special, a journey of music, love, and endless possibilities.
He's good for my heart but he's bad for business
Tears me apart when he grants my wishes
All of my friends think I've gone crazy
But they don't know me like my baby
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