fvnervl

[fvnervl]

VENTURA PARK BROKE MY HEART

[fvnervl]

[fvnervl]

My feelings told me love is real , but feelings known to get you killed

I feel as if I'm misconstrued

I spend my moments missing you

I'm searching for atonement

Do I blame my darker tone?

I know somethings are better left unsaid and people left alone

Pick up the phone

Don't leave me alone in this cruel, cruel world

[fvnervl]

Once again I am thinking about suicide but I would hate to do that to my friends, brother and my sister, maybe I’ll learn to be happy one day, but then again maybe not

#I probably have like three lives left anyways #maybe 5 I’ve lost count at this point

[fvnervl]

“oh i was into vampire yakuza gore 80’s futuristic neo classical romanticism” - Daul Kim

[fvnervl]

Death death death death, death and distress it’s all I ever think about, it’s Daul’s birthday on Tuesday and I’m sad, in a perfect world it’s just me her and Zoë smoking and drinking coffee outside of a cafe in Paris, but honestly I didn’t even like Paris that much when I was there so maybe there is no perfect world and I’m just recalling a weird dream I had after smoking weed and drinking listerine, I’ve done worse

[fvnervl]

I don’t think I’ve ever really liked being alive and I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I’ve had a home outside of Tokyo, I was an anchor baby so it’s no real surprise, I’m aware that I’m a bad person and despite my efforts I don’t think that will ever change, January 3rd 2023 23:14, Tokyo, Japan, I’m counting down the days,

[fvnervl]

Just as Prince would say,

I'm not a woman, I'm not a man

I am something that you'll never understand

You got that right baby doll

[fvnervl]

An open circle can represent both the sun and the moon at the same time.

Without life there is no death, without light there is no colour, we’re all truly spinning in a continuous operatic ballet.


Femininity is a fever dream and not one we ask for, but a dream I live in anyways.

#my brain hurts

[fvnervl]

I miss Tokyo I want to go home

[fvnervl]

I hope Jessica Espinoza is okay, she might’ve been my very first love, her entire family was deported for no reason, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it I’m only remembering cause I’m watching Kill Bill and I would call her kiddo, she was born the same year as me but I would still lord it over her that I was older just by a few months, I was a sweet boy back then I miss that part of me sometimes it was just before everything got bad but maybe not cause it was probably bad for a long time, breaking into houses, running drugs, carrying weapons that was the day to day

[fvnervl]

あいしたいものばっかりなのに

あいせないものしかみつけられないの

あやまらなきゃいけないことがふえちゃった

また

つたえたいことはたくさんないし

すくえないきもちはこぼれていって

わすれてしまうことになれてきている

つまんなくなっていく

たずねなくっちゃ わたしって

なにがたのしくて なにがうつくしい

なみだをこぼすのはちゃんとかんどうできているから？

"青が過ぎる空"

"雲は自由か"

"優しい惑星"

だんだんつまんなくなっていく

ゆるせているのか

あきらめてるのか

こうていしたいから

かんがえちゃうのも

いいわけじみてて

あいせやしないよ

わたしがはきだした

霧のなかから

てさぐりでさがしだす

ふたしかでたしかな

チャームポイント

[fvnervl]

Every once in awhile I remember you and us, whether it be in Shibuya, Saitama, Harajuku or New York I think about love, only sometimes, but you always held me down

#you’re the only one meaner than me #but you’ve always stuck by #for whatever reason #stupid #I’m glad we’re friends

[fvnervl]

I miss Tokyo so fucking much, why have I not just gone home?

#covid #oh and it made me miserable #but I’m always miserable anyways

[fvnervl]

Being manic is no fun, the highs are so high but the lows are so excruciatingly low, I want to die but I don’t, I hate it here (my brain)

[fvnervl]

Vampires have it easy. 
They feed on others. 
We have to feed on ourselves. 
We have to eat our legs, 
To have the energy to walk. 
We have to come, in order to go. 
We have to suck ourselves off. 
We have to eat away at ourselves 
'Til there's nothing left 
But appetite.

We have to give, and give, and give crazy!

'Cause a gift that makes sense

Ain't worth it.

Jesus said, "Seventy Times Seven".

They'll never understand why you did it.

They'll just forget about you tomorrow.

But you gotta do it.

- Zoë Lund

[fvnervl]

Rest in peace Zoë, XO