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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Hidan actually has… depth???

I’ve been reading the Akatsuki Hiden novel lately, and one of the stories caught my attention. The book is intended to show a gentler, more human side to the Akatsuki, and the story itself - titled “The Valley of Lies” - follows Hidan and Kakuzu, as they come across a “happy” (in a Stepford way) cultist village, and proceed to mercilessly slaughter everybody living there; including a child, who spent a large part of the story bonding with Hidan over his teachings about the way of Jashin.

The first time I read this story, I was confused. How could this heartless display of violence serve as a way to humanize them? If anything, it made them look even worse, Hidan in particular. After repeatedly stating that killing people for money is against his religious beliefs, he doesn’t hesitate for a moment to kill a potential Jashin convert, only because Kakuzu wants to cash in on his bounty.

“Hohozuki was staring straight at Hidan, and suddenly, he appeared to be no different from the other villagers who were scrambling around, trying to escape the sudden invasion.”

What a cruel, nasty little hypocrite, eh?

But then I read the story again, and one scene in particular immediately stood out to me. It opens with Hidan teaching the boy the most important commandment in Jashinism - “Thou Shalt Kill Thy Neighbor” - which is explained as being less about physical distance, and more about murdering any person that you grow emotionally close to; people you most respect and bond with. The boy then asks Hidan how come he hasn’t killed Kakuzu, to which Hidan immediately responds that the rule doesn’t apply to him, because Kakuzu and Hidan are simply too different from each other to ever become emotionally attached. The boy then responds with this:

“That’s right… Hidan-san and… Kakuzu-san… are different… Just like me… and Ameyuki…”

Now, the reason why this scene reads differently the second time around, is because at the end of the story we find out that the boy’s “friend” is, in fact, his own mud clone. The two boys aren’t different at all - they are the same person.

Mind = Blown!

When the boy compares his relationship with his clone to that of Hidan and Kakuzu, he isn’t agreeing with Hidan’s explanation. He’s recognizing it as an excuse, a lie that Hidan tells himself, because the truth makes him uncomfortable. Much like the boy, Hidan is living in his own “valley of lies”, which is lampshaded early in the story, where he comments on the fact that the cultist village’s philosophy reminds him of his own faith in Jashin.

This is what the Databook has to say about Hidan’s relationship with Kakuzu:

Kakuzu is the first person Hidan has met in his life, that he could in some way relate to. Hidan is used to being one of a kind - the only killer in a village of pacifists, the only Jashinist who’s achieved immortality - and Kakuzu is the only person in the world, that Hidan could build a genuine connection with. But he doesn’t acknowledge that connection, either to the boy, or even to himself, because he knows that if he were to ever allow himself to bond with Kakuzu, his religion would compel him to kill the man, which is something that he very obviously doesn’t want.

“Hey, what the fuck, man!? Is Kakuzu gon’ be okay!?” - actual quote from the story. For a person, who supposedly doesn’t feel any attachment to Kakuzu, Hidan sure panics a lot whenever Kakuzu appears to be in genuine danger.

So many people take their bickering at a face value, and assume that they feel nothing but hate towards everyone and everything, themselves included. And I can hardly blame them, seeing as much of the nuance to Hidan and Kakuzu’s characters and their relationship is scattered between databooks and novels, that nobody reads. But it’s really fascinating to see that there may be more to them than meets the eye. It’s a shame that the anime didn’t choose to adapt any of this.

#kakuhida #hidan

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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youtube

[ENG SUB] Convenience Store Robbery (Osomatsu-san)

#mr osomatsu #Osomatsu san #Ichimatsu #Karamatsu #Choromatsu #I don't even know how I came across this tbh #But I'm glad I did

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Gif taken before tragedy

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

#Yahiko so pure here #uugh!#insert to be continued meme here

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Admittedly it was a grand performance, but I doubt Nagito and Konan saw it’s brillance

(／(ｴ)＼) for: @gabzilla-z

#I feel horrible for finding this as funny as I did #reposting to see if anyone felt the same #Deidara had one job!#That being to not have a job and fucked it up #I begrudingly love this explosive-happy dumbass

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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when middle school hits you

#kakuhida

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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nsfw Kakuhida

Oh boy this was in my drafts for a long time as I don’t want this blog to turn NSFW, but after this I should be done with it all so I figured I may as well post this on here after being inactive for so long :/

Heated makeout sessions are a must in their ‘foreplay’ They don’t really buy into all that flower petals scattered on the bed ordeal seeing it as more of a mess to clean up later, but when Hidan’s in a playful mood he’ll set up the candles only for it to be used in wax play later; turning a innocently romantic gesture sinful real fast

Chocking is quite common, from Kakuzu using his own hands, rope/his threads, the occasional collar to even Hidan’s rosary beads. Anything to obscure breathing is valid and welcomed to these two

hickey’s and scratch marks liter their bodies, it’s obviously more noticeable on Hidan as he always keeps his cloak unzipped no matter how visible they may be and isn’t concerned with other people seeing them; even boasting about them should anyone bring it up.

Kakuzu you can never tell as he only really shows his eyes, Hidan takes full advantage of this and is always sure to leave deep bruising kisses where ever his mouth can latch onto- it’s almost like a game between the two on who can give the most bruises

Boundaries? What boundaries? Anywhere is fine with them- public washroom, alleyway, they don’t need a fancy 5-star hotel room (Kakuzu's to cheap to buy that anyhow) and although they do prefer privacy; hating to be interrupted before the good part, they don’t mind causing a bit of a disturbance

----

Hidan although he goes out of his way to flirt, loving to tease and piss the miser off whenever he can; he’s straightforward with his flirting border lining risqué in his mannerisms and word choice (he’s basically unfiltered in everything he does let’s be honest)

They don’t really use rubber, everything about them is pretty raw, from the actual fucking itself to their choice of lube (if any), they hate the feeling of having anything separating them and can be quite distracting to both of them when they actually use something

-----

Top/Bottom

Hidan! Top: Unintentionally more sadistic than Kakuzu. Hidan doesn’t empathize well; associating pain with pleasure and all that, all he’s concerned about is boundaries and not going over them, but testing it’s limits

And because his post orgasmic state is to be lazy, may choose to snuggle with kuzu but not provide much aftercare, only asking a courteous “You okay?” and maybe a little massage if he notices discomfort

He goes hard, never one to take things slow

Hidan! Bottom: More on the receiving end of pain now, although he hates non self-inflicted pain that’s not to be given to his god, he can still deal/handle pain, he just has a better pain tolerance than most thanks to his rituals. Into asphyxiation since it doesn’t hurt as much as other alternatives and it gives him a bit of a adrenaline rush; always wondering when Kakuzu will let go and loving when he chooses just before he passes out

Loves his partner to be vocal, it doesn’t even have to be dirty talk, just the noises and sounds of pleasure turns him on more than it should, and a deep voice like Kakuzu's is music to his ears

Kakuzu! Bottom: Likes giving up control since it symbolizes trust and likes that Hidan doesn’t abuse it as much as he could. Although he finds minor annoyance with Hidan’s reductants to take things slow- can’t really be too put off by it, as it’s so Hidan.

Loves discovering his body alongside Hidan. Unknown Erogenous zones he never bothered to find before/try, what makes him shudder and shiver etc.,

And the appeal of how unexpectedly hot dirty talk could be..

Kakuzu! Top: Also loves being in control as it’s his place of comfort, he loves reducing Hidan to a incoherent mess and when it happens effortlessly is when it’s immensely satisfying

Loves to dominate, to gag and prevent him from release until he’s sobbing. Never fearing repercussions as he knows Hidan’s to impatient to pull the same crap on him

----

Not going to lie, I mainly see this pairing as Kakuhida, not so much Hidakaku, the top v bottom is mostly me doing a self-challenge and try to see them in a different light. Hopefully it’s not too god-awful but honestly; I’m just down for anything involving these two at this point

#+18 #nsfw kakuhida #I can't even with myself rn #back to hibernation I go!#not tagging normal Kakuhida since I don't want this to get a lot of attention lol #How can a ship comsume my life like this?#There's not much content on the pair and yet I take every breadcrumb I can get and savor it like it's my last meal lmao

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Back again with my bullshit!

Like I don’t even know what to say for this crack-iest of crackfics. It started out with me wondering how Kakuzu would be as a kid and wondering if he’d still be as obsessed with money as he is in canon, me thinking up that whole scene of Kid kuzu explaining how tax works to Hidan and then evolved into:

‘Kid kuzu would totally still be the adult with the man child Hidan’ and then BAM, this happened

That’s why you’ll notice the first part I refer to Kakuzu as his name and not Kid kuzu as I do sometime in the middle, it started out as a draft, me just putting my thoughts to paper and then crafting a story behind it. I mean I could quickly change it but shut up

That’s ALSO why it’s never stated that Hidan wants to get closer to Kakuzu until like the kid kuzu section, but what can you do? (see shrugging gif above)

Summary: through reasons not explored, Kakuzu somehow turns into a kid. Pain gives them time off until they fix things Hidan’s left to look after him

----

Hidan was scrutinizing the map pain given him with intense focus. Apparently, there was a empty house of one of Akatsuki’s suppliers that was willing to let the two use his estate that he only used on business trips outside his nation, located in Iwagakure they had quite the walk to get there from amegakure

The two would be station there until Kakuzu’s underlings got information on how to reverse this jutsu and turn the miser back to normal

The miser in question, was… well not himself. Even looking at the kid was weird, the taki missing nin was no longer his opposing and menacing self. He barely reached Hidan’s stomach and had short hair with plain old clothes, and don’t get Hidan started on those eyes-

“Woah!” Hidan yelped in surprised as he nearly tripped over exposed root sticking out of the ground. He only managed to save face thanks to small hands grabbing his cloak

“Every good ninja is aware of their surroundings” Kakuzu stated as a matter of fact, sounding quite unimpressed by Hidan’s slip up “What? Can’t multitask?” Kakuzu asked in a slightly mocking tone

“This fucking map!” Hidan snapped, stopping his urge to rip the damn thing in half “It’s fucking confusing as all hell, I can’t tell where the fuck we are or where we’re suppose to go!” He ruffled his silver hair in frustration when Kakuzu wordless snatched the thing away from him

“And that blasted leader wasn’t any help at all” Hidan grumbled in a foul mood “Go where the trees form a natural path” He mocked the instructions given to him “Fucking atheist should’ve at least pointed me in the right direction, I swear to Jashin I’ll curse him one day”

Hidan haltered in his step when Kakuzu suddenly changed directions

“The hell are you going?”

“The right way” He answered simply as he jumped up into the trees

“Oi! Wait up!” Hidan called out as he jumped in after him, and was forced to follow after the boy as he didn’t relent or stray from their new path

----

Hidan panted as he looked down at the house they’d be staying in, It was rather large and spacious, tradition down to the secluded pond with a Rock Waterfall, with bonsai tree on either end of the yard

Kakuzu was the first to hop into the yard, landing near the stone path leading into the house. Hidan followed suit and continued looking around, catching a enclosed enclave situated between the house’s structure. It was a damn nice place

Entering, it was traditional as tradition got with Tatami mats covering the expansion of the floor save for the wooden entrance where one was meant to take off one’s shoes. Kakuzu proceeded in, respectfully taking his shoes off and getting acquainted with their new living space for the time being; only briefly considering ransacking the place of it’s goods and pawning them off to get more money, before he reminded himself that he frequented business with this man and that it’s be unwise to tarnish that relation

Hidan stormed past him in excitement, Kakuzu noticing with distaste that the zealot didn’t bother showing the proper pleasantries of taking his shoes off. Sighing before opening a room up to find a single lone table accompanied by cushions adorning the floor, eating place he noted before closing the sliding doors

Walking down the hallway further, Kakuzu wanted to find the washroom to shower before heading to bed, it was a long journey to Iwagakure and the duo travelled nonstop for two days just to get here

At least this house was relatively secluded from any town or village, less people aware of their stay the better

“Kakuzu!” Hidan called out for him, making his way over to where the voice came from, he found Hidan in the bedroom “Look at that bed! It’s like fucking royalty!” He exclaimed as he jumped onto the big cushion-y bed. Nearly being devoured by it when he sank in before he sprung back up to land just before Kakuzu

“And their bathroom isn’t to shabby either” Hidan smirked that smirk that always managed to piss Kakuzu off “Want to take a bath together?”

Kakuzu blanked at that

“Hidan?”

“Yeah?”

“Say something that disgusting again, and I’ll drown you in the pond to feed the koi fish” Kakuzu threatened seriously to which Hidan only snickered “Fucking relax heathen, didn’t you bath with your parent growing up? I mean you’re a kid now. I won’t exactly be looking forward to seeing anything down there”

Although Hidan had a valid point, it still irked Kakuzu making his blood boil “I can manage on my own. Just go to bed, you can shower tomorrow morning”

“Oi!” Hidan yelled catching his attention “You’re the brat now got it, whatever I say goes!”

“That logic is as deluded as you” Kakuzu mused as he entered the bathroom and locked the door, ignoring the shouts of protest outside, opting to take his clothes off and start his shower

----

“I thought everyone knew people with higher taxable incomes are subject to higher tax rates, and people with lower taxable incomes are subject to lower tax rates?” Kid kuzu seemed legitimately confused that this wasn’t common knowledge “Your tax bracket is based on “taxable income”, which is your gross income from all sources, minus any tax deductions you may qualify for” He explained while going through the finance sheets with minimum difficulties, only occasionally pulling out a calculator to punch some numbers in before scribbling down some more numbers

Kid kuzu sighed “A tax deduction is a dollar amount you can subtract from your taxable income. The lower your taxable income, the lower your tax bill” the boy explained further when Hidan looked although he were speaking a foreign language “Being an adult I figured you’d have at least the bare minimum knowledge for this sort of thing, but I guess I was expecting too much”

“Listen here you little shit, I denounced material crap the moment I devoted myself to Jashin-sama! Whatever I need, I kill for it” Hidan went to jab his chest only for a small hand to catch the appendage with ease, bending it enough to strain muscles in a wordless threat of breaking the damn thing should Hidan do anything else

“Jashin sounds like the god of poverty” He stated bluntly as he threw Hidans hand back at him and closed his little book before setting it aside and standing up “I find religion to be a waste of time, it certainly doesn’t pay bills. Now if you’d excuse me, I’m going outside” Kakuzu explained as he opened the sliding door leading outside, taking a book with him as he hopped into the gated backyard

“Where are you going?” Hidan asked, peaking his head out to see the little fucker as he made his way to the shade of a tree to sit down and start reading in silence

Hidan growled as he hopped into the backyard too, hands on his hips as silence stretched between the two. Kid kuzu seemingly content to read in silence “What are you doing?” Hidan asked annoyed

“Don’t ask questions with obvious answers” Kakuzu snarked back at him without skipping a beat “But I guess someone as stupid as you never heard of it; it’s called ‘reading’.” All without looking up from his book

“I get that you smartass, but why the hell did you bother coming out here for?” At that Kakuzu looked up at him, his green eyes (alarmingly normal with the absence of red sclerae) before cocking a brow in silent question

“You could’ve easily read inside” Hidan pointed out

“Habit” He answered curtly

“Growing up in Takigakure a epidemic of sorts spread, and my mother was bed ridden. She was the superstitious type and wouldn’t want me near her in fear that she’d infect me with this unknown illness plaguing our village. Sounded like rubbage to me, but she kept pestering me about it” Kakuzu shrugged and let his shoulders sag some as he relaxed against the bark “So whenever I wasn’t keeping up with our financial situation for us, I’d go outside to read” wordlessly gestured to the book

Hidan couldn’t believe he was doing this, but if it meant getting closer to Kakuzu it was worth a shot. Perching in a crouched position to get on the smaller boys level, Hidan sighed as he ran a hand through his silver locks before asking “And how did that… make you feel?” Even to him it sounded awkward as all hell, he almost regrets even asking until Kakuzu simply shrugged

“My mother always kind of annoyed me, she was weak willed and had serious insecurity from father leaving. So she tended to smother me” Kakuzu recalled “Although I worried for her health as many kids would, I found interest in the adult world. Money was fascinating to me, even as a kid. It was the most powerful force the world had”

“What do you mean?”

“With money you could do anything. Money had the power to save or ruin lives. Take my mother for example, because our money was going into paying off our property, we hardly had any left for her. So when she became ill, she couldn’t get the proper medical treatment she required and died because of it. Money and our lack thereof killed her” he answered in a bored tone as he flipped the page

Hidan wasn’t one to care for death, that shit happened. So, he didn’t really know how to approach this. Should he laugh it off and say that’s Jashin’s divine punishment for placing money above god like he always did? Or try sympathizing? Hidan really didn’t know since he easily sees the brat getting annoyed with either one he chose. The silence stretched between the two and Hidan let it since Kakuzu himself seemed content to leave it as that

“The fuck” Hidan mumbled as he finally took note of the book in Kakuzu’s hand and blanked when he read the title ‘how to make a profit’ Hidan scoffed, leave it to kid kuzu to read boring ass shit like that for fun

Snatching the book, Hidan stood at his full height when Kakuzu snarled and tried grabbing it back

“Hidan” Kakuzu’s voice was like that of a patient mother a second away from scolding a child, Hidan found that ironically hilarious seeing how Kid kuzu barely came up to his stomach “Give that back” He demanded with a glare

“Haven’t you ever been a kid? I mean I now back in your day it was expected to be a ninja from a young age, but damn. I think I’m starting to see why you’re such a grouch all the god damn time” Hidan noted with a sympathetic shake of his head “Come on little guy” Hidan said as he tossed the book behind him uncaring as he hefted the kid up by the arms

“Hidan. Put me down” Kakuzu said not really struggling. But he sounded immensely annoyed to Hidan’s amusement

“Can’t believe this small body of yours becomes your imposing self later in life. I bet puberty hit you like a truck” Hidan chuckled, and when Kakuzu began struggling in his hold. The zealot could only find his efforts cute

“Where are we going?” Kakuzu question unamused. He promptly gave up knowing struggling would be pointless. Hidan wished he kept at it, it really was adorable watching his tiny arms and legs thrash about

“To the park”

“Hidan, I’m not going to play” Kakuzu spat the word ‘play’ out in a disgusted manner

“And why the hell not?” Hidan spat back

“Because I’m a grown ass man nearing 100” He answered dryly

“To anybody and everybody you look like a kid, I bet even other Akatsuki members wouldn’t recognize you” the platinum haired man tried to reason “Just fucking let loose and take this chance to have fun”

“My definition of ‘fun’ isn’t that of a normal persons Hidan. My fun is silence, my fun is curled up under the shade of a tree with a good book. Not doing pointless play and socializing more than I must” Kakuzu began resisting again, giving a loud growl of frustration when he gave up yet again as he didn’t even budge in Hidan’s grip

“And it’s definitely not being carried off by my idiot partner to be forced to do just that” Hidan stopped, setting Kakuzu down, Kakuzu was surprised at this and looked up at him as they silently held each others gaze

“Can we do something?” It sounded like a plea, and Kakuzu hardened a glare at the sound of it

“Like what?” He ground out, crossing his arms angrily as he really couldn’t be bothered to do anything. He just wanted to read damnit

“What do you want to do” Hidan paused and looked to consider something before he added “That’s not reading” Kakuzu tsk’d audibly

Time passed as Kakuzu mulled over what the two could do together

More time passed, a gentle breeze whipping past the duo

“…”

“You really can’t think of anything can you?” Hidan asked with a small amount of pity in his voice, it pissed the miser off

“Well what did you do back in your day? Did you find anything enjoyable? Anything at all?” Hidan prompted, trying desperately to get something. But Kakuzu was giving him nothing to work with

“Training”

“Huh?” Hidan asked stupidly, dumbfounded

“Training” Kakuzu reiterated “It was the few things me and my father used to do together before he left. I remember learning how to throw kunai was fun” He explained

Hidan beamed startling Kakuzu

“Then let’s fucking“ Hidan drawled to look around trying to find a place to practice, not seeing anything “er- Let’s fucking do it” Hidan nodded before grabbing the smaller hand in his to drag him back to the backyard of their little impromptu house

‘Progress’ was all the albino could think. After spending an entire week with the man, finally he was making some real progress. He couldn’t screw it up

----

“You need to flick your wrist and add more power” Kakuzu explained with mild irritation

“It’s not my fault I never fucking use these things, I mean who would with a scythe like this” Whipping it off of his back he made a show of showcasing his prized weapon by flinging it around like a madman Kakuzu sighed

“You graduated without perfecting this simple trick?” Kakuzu questioned in disbelief “my, how far have shinobi fallen?”

“Hmph, this whole thing is stupid anyways” Hidan concluded snobbily as he turned his nose up and crossed his arms over his chest

“Nobody forced you to do this you know, let’s just call it quits”

“No!” Hidan said hurriedly only to scratch the back of his head awkwardly “I mean, I think I almost got the hang of it”

“…” Kakuzu stared at his partner before narrowing his eyes “Not even close” He stated bluntly “Your trajectory was awful; your wrist flick needs work and your power was pathetic”

“Hah?! You got a problem you little shit?! I’ll fricken sacrifice you to Jashin-sama don’t test me!”

“Calm down” Kakuzu glared over at him “I’m sure that even someone as hopeless as you could learn to do this if you tried harder” Kakuzu explained as he walked over to the man, stopping just in front of him and stared up at the man before gesturing for the man to lower himself

Hidan did after a second, and Kakuzu held his hand. Hidan jolted at the contact not expecting it in the slightest before Kakuzu adjusted his grip on the kunai and turning to position his hand properly before taking a step back

They stared at each other, Hidan in stunned silence before it became apparent that Kakuzu wanted him to try throwing it now “…” keeping his hold the way Kakuzu adjusted it for him, he lined up his shot before whipping it like a dart

-Twunk- the sound of the kunai’s sharp edge embedding into the wooden tree of bark. It missed the target’s middle by quite a bit. But it was an improvement seeing how Hidan couldn’t get the damned thing to stick before now

“See?” Kakuzu asked condescendingly, pissing the jashinist off

Kakuzu walked over once more to handed him his own kunai, Hidan took it and again Kakuzu stared at him. Knowing what that meant he did his best to hold the weapon like how Kakuzu showed him before throwing it again

“Oh!” Hidan gleefully cheered once it nearly hit the center “Did you fucking see that shit?” He questioned snapping his head from the target to kid kuzu and back

Kakuzu let out a chuckle at his overzealousness of his minor (and admittingly unimpressive) accomplishment “I did indeed” He needlessly informed the other

By the time the sun was setting, Kakuzu realized that they spent practically the whole day kunai throwing

“Hidan, make diner” Kakuzu demanded as he stalked towards the house, his hands were killing him. He can’t remember the last time he did the basics of kunai throwing for so long

“Take out?” Hidan asked, not really feeling up to cook, his arms were quite sore as well, turns out making a competition of who can hit the center of a target the most in an hour was draining (Kakuzu won)

“Don’t be lazy, we can’t let just anybody find out we’re here. I mean, if anyone saw your face, they’d recognize you as part of the Akatsuki immediately”

“Fiiine~” Hidan whined as he stomped his feet childishly to the kitchen, surprised when soft sounding footsteps followed after him. Peering over his shoulder he saw his ‘little’ companion

Kakuzu picked up on his silent question “I could cut the vegetables” was all he said

#kakuhida #Kid kuzu #man child hidan #one shot probably #crackfic #crackiest of crackfics

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Wasn’t going to add more to my two parter regarding Naruto online, but I absolutely made an exception for Kakuzu

He says he doesn’t feel safe without money when you state you didn’t think he’d be so thoughtful. And I just-

#Kakuzu #kakuzu akatsuki #Naruto online #even more Naruto online shenanigans #don't know how to feel about this #insecure Kakuzu? more plz #may add more onto this later

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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50 shades of kakuhida pt 1

A self imposed challenge in which I recommend 50 fanfics of my fav pairing. Can range from ooc as fuck to hardcore, it’ll probably be mostly mature in nature as I take to that more than fluff, but who knows? In no particular order so have fun choosing

1) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10688020/1/More-Bitter-Than-Sweet Summary: Kakuzu has been in prison for five years and now he’s out. He’s got a lot of time to make up for and Hidan better be ready for it! PWP. KakuHidan. Oneshot

Kicking off this list with nsfw! As you can get from the summary, it’s a modern/prison type au. I remember really enjoying it my first read through, and mostly just smut

2) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3201746/1/Say-Hello-To-Your-New-Partner Summary: Kakuzu was told he’d receive his seventh and final partner in a week. He wasn’t sure he liked the evil, conniving glint in the Leader’s eyes when he told him that his new partner would be special. Crackfic!

Not really smut as I don’t recall them doing the devil’s tango. But has violence and is a pretty good read. It was inspired by canon so they feel pretty in character

3) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5345195/1/Kakuzu-and-Hidan-Alphabet Summary: Two adjectives for every letter of the alphabet that describe and unfold a story about Kakuzu and Hidan’s love. Yaoi. KakuHi. For Lecture, as a birthday present. Enjoy! M for implied naughties and Hidan’s mouth.

A pretty neat way of writing fanfiction, and a neat concept in general. Props for their creativeness and I liked reading it from start to finish wondering how the two adjectives would connect etc., Definitely a fun read

4) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6495320/1/How-to-break-a-habit Summary: Hidan wants change. Kakuzu doesn’t. KakuHida. Warnings: yaoi pairings, explicit language, sexual themes, Kisame is very OOC, Tobi and Sasori are in the Akatsuki at the same time.

I absolutely love this as it’s pure smut. The writer even made the porn the plot! Brilliant

5) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3777073/1/A-Stronger-Kind-of-Addiction Summary: The pain he gave him, the touches he received he hated himself for it, but he loved him still. [KakuHidan] [Kakuzu x Hidan]

A short pwp. Nothing to say except good shit I love a needy Hidan

6) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6979182/1/Yuuwaku Summary: “About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you’re fighting temptation.” -Tom Wilson. Kakuzu is tempted. Kakuzu x Fem!Hidan, very M.

I’m not usually one for genderbending characters as I’m a fujoshi at heart, but I rather enjoyed kakuzu resisting temptation, made the smut that much better

7) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6918534/1/Blasphemy Summary: Convicted criminal Kakuzu is in Death Row. A certain Jashin priest is sent to give him spiritual advice in his last days on Earth. WARNING: pointless smut and a little bit of asphyxiation. KuzuHidan

Another kakuhida prison au. I remember liking this, but it’s been some time since I’ve read it, might have to reread this one

8) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4598939/1/Gives-you-Hell Summary: Hidan, a successful writer, has to face a fate worse than death: meet his ex boyfriend at a high school reunion. But don’t worry, he has a plan… KakuHidan, AU

9) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4135743/1/Routine Summary: Hidan loathed Kakuzu. Kakuzu thought Hidan was amusing. And whatever they tried to do, they just can’t keep from falling into their four-step routine of fighting. A particular incident in the gold vault. KakuHida

Might be oc since the author stated that they read the Chinese manga adaptation of the zombie combo

10) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5257229/1/Matchmaking Summary: Deidara is fed up with Hidan and Kakuzu fighting all the time, and has gotten an idea to end all the fights

Although I don’t care much for crossdressing as it reminds me of my early days of yaoi *shudders* I liked this. A fun read with a funny ending

11) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3827161/1/Persuade-Me Summary: [KakuHidan] Hopefully SOMETHING can make Kakuzu pay for it…

Sneaky lil shit Hidan is best lil shit

12) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4152820/1/Glaring Summary: Short fluffy oneshot with Kaku/Hida. They’ve gotten used to working with each other, but there’s still something about Kakuzu that bothers Hidan

The smut is implied as it skips over the details, but I like the concept of kakuzu’s masks having a presence in fics

13) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4955346/1/More-Than-Fifty-Cents Summary: Hidan is a editorial columnist. One day, Kakuzu, a reporter, implies that Hidan is not even worth fifty cents. Since then, Hidan spends more time with Kisame instead of Kakuzu and the latter gets jealous. Will Kakuzu humble himself and say sorry? AU

Jealous kuzu best kuzu. Also I ship pretty much every akatsuki member with Hidan so I appreciated the kisahida despite it being purely platonic, that’s how I like it anyways (kisahida and hidadei are brotps of mine)

14) https://archiveofourown.org/works/9369665 Summary: At an age where you’re too young to have control of your body (or your thoughts) but you’re old enough to act on them, Hidan finds his control slipping away from him. It’s Kakuzu’s fault, most things are. But, did the jerk really have to walk around like that?

Love how nonchalantly we roll into smut, and love how Hidan isn’t the typical uke type

15) https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13343494/1/Catkuzu

Summary: Hidan has been talked into adopting a cat, and it seems to hate him.

A little drabble about Kakuzu as a cat, turns out the last fic wasn’t the one I was thinking of, so I figured I’d change it to this one

16) https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391395 Summary: When you want someone to talk to your fellow Hufflepuff and his weird scary boyfriend about their – late night enthusiasm – who do you ask? A prefect, of course.

I just love this entire crossover series

17) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873444 Summary: Hidan is a textbook sadomasochist. He loves the bite and the sting of pain during sex and finding Kakuzu was honestly a miracle because no one else could handle him. So why does he suddenly feel so jealous of Itachi and Kisame? The world’s most disgustingly adorable couple?

18) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622795 Summary: They aren’t necessarily in love, but they’re the best they have

No smut at all, I don’t even think it’s implied. But I loved this

19) https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580348/chapters/44046472 Summary: Kakuzu, having killed yet another of his partners, is forced to tag along with Itachi and Kisame. While he’s less than thrilled by the frequent stops at tea shops, he has to admit slight intrigue when the owner of this one tries to sacrifice them all to his god.

(In which literally everything is the same except that Hidan runs a tea shop.)

Not really smutty either. But I love their form of flirting here and how Kakuzu always goes back

20) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685198 Summary: There are strange moments between them, strange moments where things are almost gentle. —- Only 20 today as I need sleep and this is already long enough as it is

#Kakuhida

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

Photo

some more zombie combo stuff in Naruto online

Hidan says Kakuzu’s a cold guy and you get prompted with 1) all he see’s is money and 2) he’s cold to everyone in which if you pick 2 Hidan will respond with how he’s his partner

A new Kakuzu entry where I have actual pictures! And it’s him saying he won’t partner with anyone

And when you say he doesn’t need to be controlled he’ll simply says how it’s for the money, and when I wanted his response to there being stronger members he says that Hidan’s immortality is a perfect match for him

Special interactions in fights:

certain characters will have pre-battle dialogue, from Naruto calling haku sister to haku saying “I’m a boy!” etc., the zombie combo are no exception

This involves Hidan (I don’t know if this applies with curse form Hidan) and Earth grudge Kakuzu

if both are on opposite teams Kakuzu asks Hidan if he has a death wish

Kakuzu with hashirama, it’s more of a statement in which Kakuzu will say that he never thought he’d met with him again

Roshi with Hidan, Hidan in a rather aggressive manner will tell the Pegan to die in which Roshi responds with “you’re hopeless”

And both have dialogue between their killers: Hidan with Shikamaru in which he says he’ll curse him, Naruto with Kakuzu in which Naruto states he’d never lose to him

#Naruto online #Kakuzu #Hidan #Zombie combo #more shenanigans in Naruto online #Unexpected continuation #(Daww zombie husband asks Hidan for his final wish before brutally murdering him)#If that isn't otp goals I don't know what is

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Hidan’s thoughts on the other members

Pain: A godless heathen that fancies himself a god, disgracing the name of Jashin with his play-pretend. Has a holier-than-thou attitude that rubs me the wrong way and secretive as fuck

I don’t respect him or his goal to bring peace to the shinobi world as it conflicts with everything in my religion, but since he promises all our goals to be granted, I guess I’ll hang

Konan: Kakuzu and her talk a lot of business together, but since I don’t care about the financial standing of the organization, don’t really attend these discussions of theirs. I wait outside in the decrepit hideout to brew in boredom waiting for these fuckers to finish; so I don’ t really associate with her all that much

She tries to be understanding of my ways, as she doesn’t completely insult Jashin-sama but still makes comments that piss me off

Zetsu: A fricking pain, comes out of nowhere just to insult my religion and does what pain’s sent him to do, be it give us a message, takes the tailed beasts off our hands etc., and than leaves.

I don’t know him much but I know he’s an asshole

Tobi: The certified punching bag of the group. It feels like nobody respects him and it’s completely justified in my opinion as the dude’s a total fucking moron. But he’s a fun guy nonetheless and we can get into some shit

Deidara: He’s got an attitude like his art he keeps griping about; in that it’s very explosive. Not temperamental per say, but easily riled and a fun guy to tease. Not one to shy away from killing and even takes pride in it (which I begrudgingly respect, even if it’s only because his art plays a part in it) and the kind of person who lives in the moment

We’re dumbasses together but don’t regret it. So what if we accidentally blew up the hideout? We’ve been needing a new one for months anyways

Sasori: a grumpy pretentious jerk with a stick so far up his ass I’m pretty sure he was born with it. we have a shared view on immortality so I’ll always respect him for that at least. More of a stickler than Kakuzu when it comes to time and being punctual and has a obsession with human puppets

He makes me uneasy, being immortal myself, I fear he may want to turn me into a puppet someday. Wouldn’t put it pass the guy to want to out of boredom since he’s always working on puppets and looking for new material

Itachi: he infamous Uchiha that slaughtered his entire clan. I heard of him since before I joined and was looking forward to meeting him, he seemed like a perfect candidate to convert into jashinism, but I was immensely disappointed

You’d think someone strong enough to kill his entire clan would take pride in such strength, but nope. He’s anti-social, doesn’t take to violence and seems depressed *sigh* other than that letdown he has a good head on his shoulders, and a decent guy, would respect him 100% more if he was a fellow jashinist though

Kisame: a fellow weapon wielder and a genuinely nice guy. unlike the weasel he’s not against violence so I already view him in better light But I don’t have much of a opinion on him, he hasn’t dissed Jashin (to my knowledge at least) and although he’s as much of a heathen as the rest of this jashin-damned organization, he doesn’t seem to prioritize any other religion so there’s that

Kakuzu: the downright most aggravating heathen in this group and my partner. He doesn’t hide his contempt towards jashin, often downright insulting him to my face, the nerve of that guy

Anti-social and always snarking snide comments and pissing me off like the godless heathen he is; his strength is admirable. We’ve had countless of fights between us so I have a pretty good grasp on how strong the guy is, easily top 5 in the group

But he uses it to get money of all things! he’s the worst of the worst I swear

#Hidan #Hidan akatsuki

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extraordinarilyirrelevant · 4 years

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Kakuzu’s thought on the other members

Pain: A man of ambition and the leader of the Akatsuki. Despite being close business partners; I don’t feel any real investment in his cause for bringing peace to the shinobi world, I see his efforts as a waste of time and he knows this

The only reason I joined at all was because he promised that I could continue to collect bounties and making money on the side should I adhere to his demand for the biju hunt. Deep down I respect the guy, respect him enough to follow his tedious rules at the very least

Konan: Someone whom I work closely with, she’s who I go to talk with concerning the Akastuki’s purse strings and someone who doesn’t dance around the issue, keeping things short and to the point

Not much for pleasantries which I can respect since I share the sentiment. So I have no real opinion on here other than I admire her professionalism and that she’s the less aggravating member aside from maybe Kisame or Sasori

Zetsu: leader-sama’s personal lapdog who oversees the groups progress and someone who makes the biju progress less annoying by showing up and taking them off our hands for us, he’s hardly around so I have nothing against the guy- but I hate how he randomly appears out of nowhere

Tobi: I never thought it possible, but this masked guy is somehow more annoying than my dumbass partner Hidan. The only positive opinion I have on him is that at least he’s not my partner

Deidara: The youngest Akatsuki member, I don’t much care for his passion in art. But his ninjutsu is certainly impressive and quite the asset. My only gripe about him is that he’s too reckless in the name of his art, sometimes screwing up missions for being the explosive equivalent of trigger happy

His inexperience is another fault of his, but at least he’s not a liability and knows how to be tactful

Sasori: A good ally to have, his mastery of puppets is certainly handy. And although he’s a respectable colleague for following the rules being efficient on the field and never making one wait, I still have issues with him

His need to be punctual is a major annoyance as when we work together I have to abstain from bounty collecting, but other than that he’s one of the more less irritating members

Itachi: The Uchiha. His doujutsu is certainly a pain to deal with and nobody could argue his worth on the team as he’s more than capable of handling his own

His personality or lack thereof is where I take issue with, as no matter what he always seems unfazed or unbothered, I can never read the guy and he has a knack for getting on my nerves for doing nothing

Kisame: A member that doesn’t grate on my nerves, he’s a force to be reckoned with and knows when to shut up. I have no real gripe with him other than minor nitpicks as I find the way he feels the need for pleasantries infuriating and how he likes to idle and take his time to be nothing short of atrocious

Hidan: A religious zealot and my partner

I’ve never been one to regret any of my life's choices, seeing the past as something not worth dwelling on as you can never change anything that’s set in stone. But Hidan makes me regret a lot of things, like how I killed my first partner, and the one after that- and well, all the others before him

All of the others that have been partnered with me have been annoying, but none can quite compare to him. He pokes and prods at my already impatient nerves, finding any moment to get under my skin just to fight

But the most insufferable thing is that his immortality should it be utilized probably, could be a damned irreplaceable asset and if used correctly could put him up to par with people many times stronger than him, but all that potential is wasted on this dumbass who couldn’t be bothered to practice even the minimal amount of caution

#Kakuzu #kakuzu akatsuki

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