ewanmitchellcrumbs

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

I know you are tired of being reminded of the whole mess that’s been going on. I had no idea what was going on until foxyanon told me cause I asked. The shock that went through me when I was reading ems post. I was decent friends with bel and interacted a lot with her. Had no idea how vile those bloggers are, just damn right disgusting and rude. But I told em as well that I have nothing to do with what’s her face. I’m always here for you! This fandom needs some serious work done and rethinking. I’m screaming the biggest f you to her! I love your content even though I don’t say anything much. You’re wonderful and deserve better! 💗💗

Thank you for reaching out, and treating me like a human being. It is more than I currently deserve. I will place the rest of my response beneath a cut, as it will be quite long and I'd like to give people the option to scroll past, as they are doubtless tired of all of this, and rightly so.

Yes, the behaviour of that group is despicable, but I cannot downplay the gravity of my own in that.

I had a longstanding block with two users (I am not going to use their online nicknames, I do not deserve to), arcielee and sylasthegrim, I said disgusting things about both of them - the screenshots of my messages regarding them both on the post you have doubtless all seen are real (so is the final screenshot where I mention an anon I had received telling me to die in my sleep, the rest of the screenshots in that post have been falsified, doctored or snipped heavily out of context to make them appear hateful - the doctoring has been confirmed by two individuals well versed in Photoshop)

I hold my hands up and apologise to both those people, and the people that have seen those messages and been harmed by them. They are inexcusable, indefensible and were guided by a false belief that those two people were being hateful in turn about me, and actively going out of their way to harm and spite me. I am unsure what Bel thought she had to gain by exacerbating the animosity between me and Em and those two women, regardless, we should have done the mature thing and reached out directly to them. I will say, that I have never once sent anonymous hatred to either person. The extent of my vitriol was confined to that group chat.

Bel also used slurs in the group chat (I would like to point out that myself, Em and Fae did not). I won't repeat what these were. I do not want those ugly words on my page. They made me uncomfortable and I called her out any time she used one in particular, but she always laughed off my discomfort and carried on anyway. She is mixed race, I am white, in my mind it is not my place as a white person to tell an ethnic minority what is racism and what isn't. There are enough white voices shouting down others in online spaces. I know better now. I should not let my own discomfort silence me. I will call out hatred, bigotry and discrimination in every instance that I see it. My past inaction is embarrassing, it's offensive and I am devastated by the hurt I have caused to others. I am so deeply sorry.

I didn't speak up for a long time, because I have seen what these people are like when they have a grudge against someone. It's frightening, I was a coward. Yet despite staying silent on all of it, I have been doxxed just the same. I suppose perhaps that's karmic retribution?

I appreciate that people have felt my response has been lacking, however, I was out of the country, away from home, from the 14th until the 22nd, with only my phone at my disposal and with the expectation from my husband that I would enjoy the vacation we were on, and not be online dealing with all of this.

I would like the opportunity to atone for my behaviour, to make amends. Currently, I feel I am not going to be given the opportunity to do that, and understandably so. Emotions are high, people are raw from what they have learned and they do not feel comfortable being around me.

Seeing the screenshots of the people in their group passing around my personal photos and saying incredibly vile things about my appearance triggered a lapse with the eating disorder that I am in active recovery for. I then had another a few days later. I need to take some time away to get myself well, as the fear and anxiety of all of this is taking its toll. I also need the space to deal with the legal action I will be exploring with regards to Chris having doxxed me. I am not running away. I simply need to get myself into a space where I am stable enough to handle all of this, be accountable, and take responsibility without my own emotions diminishing other people's.

I know people hate me right now, but it pales in comparison to how much I hate myself. I am so very sorry for allowing this to happen.

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Earlier, I made a post stating that I would deactivate this account. I just wanted to let you know that I have done some further reflection and I've decided that that would be a deeply unfair reaction to the events of the past several days: to the people who have been hurt, to the people who interact with me, and to myself.

I have been nasty to others behind their backs, and while I appreciate the support I've been given I won't deflect responsibility for these actions. I've also not done nearly what I should have in terms of calling out the racial discrimination that has not only occurred behind the scenes but actively harmed people in the community.

I need to remain here to accept the justified criticisms of my behaviour and remain accountable for the part I have played in the toxic evolution of this community. Many people are likely disappointed in me, and I can assure you that no one is more disappointed in me than I myself. I have let so many people down, and you all deserve to see me reflect, grow, and change for the better.

I have said what needs to be said on this matter, and I think it would be deeply unfair of me to continue making a parade out of the misfortune that has befallen so many, including myself. I have shared my truth and can only accept the consequences that have come with that. If there is any legal or administrative action I can now take to deal with the ongoing harassment, I will be doing so in private to protect everyone's peace and resolve the matter once and for all. I will continue to listen to the voices of others and reflect on all the ways I can begin to atone and move forward.

I am going to do my best to remain where I am and become a person that deserves the kindness and support I have been given by so, so many. Whether or not you are able to follow me on this journey is something only you are entitled to decide, and I gladly accept the boundaries you feel you need to place for your own wellbeing.

I hope that one day, I can be someone worth believing in again. Thank you.

Ange

#I won’t be speaking any further on this #I fully accept the consequences of my actions #but I will be logging off for a bit #because I am in a really dark place #sending love to all

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Thank you for this, Alex. I am glad that you are able to hold me accountable, while still remaining my friend and keeping an open mind to my side of the situation.

There is nothing I can really add to this, by means of explanation, that Alex has not already said. I fucked up by allowing my own discomfort and uncertainty to guide my silence, when I should have spoken out. I am deeply sorry for that.

I know better now. When I return, I will do better. I hope I will be given the opportunity to redeem myself.

Okay, this is the last thing that I’m going to say about this entire shit storm that's been happening the last few weeks.

A lot of racism concerns have been brought up in light of the very evidently doctored screenshots that are going around (a post proving that they’ve been edited can be found here - just a request to do some research before we start dogpiling). 

People are accusing Ange of just letting the racism slide, of only severing the friendship with certain individuals when “girl code” was broken and former friends were contacted again, or whatever. But that genuinely wasn’t the case. Now look, she doesn’t need me to white knight for her, she’s perfectly capable of defending herself and owning her part in shit, but I will say for Ange, when certain individuals were sending a slew of hateful anons (many of which were deleted because I don’t need to see that shit on my own blog), some of which referred to me as a “bad jew” or racist against my own people for having a white oc in my current fanfic (for reference, I’m also mixed race), Ange was there for me. And the racist hate I endured was part of what spurred Em on in dropping the screenshots pertaining to these people and how they operate. They decided that they were not just going to let it slide, knowing that the crossfire would be brutal. I’m not going to say that my experience trumps anyone else's, or carries more weight, but I would hope it could be considered alongside everything else. I've endured some foul shit in my time in fandom, but this was the first time that shit was racist and antisemitic.

Could she have been more firm? Yes. Should she have been? Yeah, I'll say so. But she was actively made to feel by this person that it wasn't her place to do so as a white woman.

Honestly, I was ready to just wash my hands of this entire thing. I am only tangentially involved and the entire thing has been super triggering for me for a multitude of reasons. We have all said stupid shit in our time on the internet, we've all been unkind, we've all been *insert whatever here*, but the doxxing and the editing of screenshots is just so beyond insane, and the way it's being minimized is so out of pocket, and frankly, it's dangerous - it's how things like this are allowed to continue.

#I have a lot of reflecting to do #thank you for this

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

I am a graphic designer by education and profession. Looking for modifications and manipulations in graphics is my hobby. You can see the most in graphics when they are properly exposed. For example, using the exposure tool in Photoshop. I set the sliders to: first one: + 13.65, second one: +0.0096, third one: +1.65 and this is what my eyes saw.

Each application has its own way of encoding images and text. Here, apparently, when writing text, the application created transparent rectangular frames under each text, which you can clearly see below.

But I noticed something strange in some screenshots. Text without such borders. Text I think was added in a graphics program. There are only pixels around it.

Here, in turn, I noticed a different relationship. When the text comes from the original screenshot, the pixels around the text surround the text so that it floats on long letters like "d,t,l,b,k". However, somehow magically in others, the pixels around them are perfectly even and take the shape of a rectangle.

These screenshots come from the wonderful houseoftheassholes.

Now let's look at the couple of screenshots Em published. You can clearly see after I overexposed the area that she blurred in the program to obscure the data. Apart from that? Clean screenshot in very good quality. Eveything looks the same.

In graphics, nothing happens without a reason. The applications are created automatically and operate on the basis of numbers and calculations. They don't make mistakes, it's impossible for one text to be displayed one way and another another.

I haven't checked all the screenshots because I don't have the strength to do it anymore. I just felt that as a graphic designer I owed it to everyone to check it out.

No one told me to do this or asked me to do it. This is my personal opinion on my personal blog. I leave it to you to decide what you think about it.

#signal boost

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Sorry to complain but I could cry! I went to three blogs in a row to read and 2 are on writing hiatus and one on tumblr hiatus 😭.

I can't understand the damage some people have done to this fandom that has some very talented writers. 😔

I hope all 3 come back and any others that may be on hiatus that I haven't seen yet.

Sorry to bother you with this but I felt like I was going to cry of I didn't get it out. 😭

I thank you for being a support for all of us who just want fandom to be fun.

- Silly Admirer Anon 🧡🩵💛💙💚

I hate that this is the state that fandom has come to. I am genuinely devastated by all of it. I have logged back on this evening to see that two people I considered close friends have soft blocked me without a word. I am gutted.

I don’t want to add to your upset, but I am going to be taking a step back for a little while too. I’ve been on holiday with my husband for the last week, and have had two ED lapses in a span of four days due to the stress this situation has caused me. For my own safety, I need to take a break before I relapse fully. The state I’ve been in caused Max to break down into tears this evening, because of my refusal to eat. I can’t continue to do that to him. I cannot let social media ruin my life offline.

I will come back, but I need to do so when I feel mentally stable enough to do so. I owe it to the people who have stuck by me through all of this to not fill their dashes with posts and asks alluding to drama and upset.

I hope you understand. Sending you so much love, and a promise that when I return it will be with something much more positive 💕 Stay safe!

#asked and answered #silly admirer anon

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Hi, Ange. I know you probably don't want to talk about this subject anymore, but is the screenshot you talk about about Brazilian fans true? I wanted to know because I didn't see any clarification in any other post and as a Brazilian who likes your stories I was hurt. If you don't want to answer that's fine, I just wanted to clarify this once in for all but you obviously don't own me anything

Hi, love.

No, it is not. There’s a very helpful post created by Hagi here regarding the reliability of most of those “screenshots”.

I have never spoken badly about Brazilians. The screenshot that is real in that post is the one where I mentioned that Mari (a mutual at the time) had unfollowed me around the time that I received an anonymous ask telling me to die in my sleep. When I checked my IP tracker, I had had a Brazilian IP address visit my asks, so I expressed my disappointment at this. Never once did I make derogatory remarks with regards to nationality. I never would.

I was confused as to why this would happen, until months later during “bimbogate” I saw people making mention that they had considered my actions around the time of the announcement of Ewan’s appearance at CCXP to be racist. I was still puzzled by this, as I don’t think I had posted anything that could be considered racist. I refused to believe Ewan would be attending until I’d seen official confirmation, and I noncommittally answered an ask from an anon expressing their concerns over fan behaviour. But the ask and unfollow suddenly made sense. That’s all of it.

I am genuinely sorry that you have been made to feel like I have prejudice against you. Regardless of the untruth, that can’t be nice to see and I hate that for you. I hope that my response goes some way in easing your mind.

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Please see the original post. Thank you to @queen--kenobi for sharing it with me.

You are correct and so very justified in this.

I have been hateful to others. I have been woefully complicit in the racial harassment of a POC user @themotherofblood—a girl who is so very young to have received the horror she did—and the harassment of several other members of the community during my acquaintanceship with Bel and Fae, in a manner that is at best cowardly and at worst morally and fundamentally reprehensible. I have behaved in a manner that is disgusting, deplorable, wrong on every level of measurement.

I either ignored the mention of or laugh-reacted at conveyance of numerous anons Bel and Fae reported themselves as having sent. I sat in silence as they made lengthy, detailed insults about other users. I said nothing while people experienced their frustration over receiving hate. I let my anger and paranoia fuel me into creating an entirely new Discord account for the sole purpose of ensuring that others weren’t committing the very same behaviours I was allowing against me. I created a burner account to retrieve “evidence” from another blog to support my statements, violating their right to feel entitled to privacy. I never once voiced suspicions over other anons I privately attributed to Bel and Fae due to the similarities in their cadence and seeming motivation. I fell into the most toxic cesspit of groupthink and let others direct my appalling behaviour without acknowledging the fact that as an adult, the only one in control of my behaviour should be myself. My entitlement gave me the illusion that my suffering during my time in fandom excused me from doing my moral duty to this community and to society. And, perhaps the most damning of it all, it was not until I was personally motivated by my own selfish fear and anxiety that I finally abandoned the source of so much hate.

It didn’t end there. I continued to say nothing, days and weeks and months after the fallout. I did not act quickly in the wake of the fallout. I sat, silent, complicit, soundless while the hate rampaged on.

Thank you to @/witheredoffherwitch for a thoughtful and well-articulated call-out of things I was too arrogant to see within the scope of my own circle. I deserved the things said, and I should have been far less up my own arse to see this for myself. I will not make any kind of excuse here. This is not the place for it.

I definitely do suck ass. I am and have historically been a petty, mean loser. I am a hypocrite, an asshole, and a piece of shit for the way I have behaved. I have done a great deal of harm in publicising the things I have, and even more in having ever been involved in the first place. Your lives are not sport for our entertainment. You’re real people too, just the same as me.

I will very much try to do better and be far more strong-willed in future. I will be kinder and devote my energy to being someone that no longer resembles a piece of human crap. Whether that be a journey I take with or without the people I have met and adored along the way, that is what must be. I want to get back to writing, but actively ensure I do not simply “leave this experience in the past”. It is something I need to carry ahead with me as a reminder of the damage I have done and the very many people I have hurt and disappointed.

I am going to try. It doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t make it okay.

#signal boost

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

I have been off of Tumblr all day. But I am saddened and sickened to see what I’ve returned to.

I have a genuine love for the people I interact with here. While I have had my differences in the past with people, most have been resolved by talking it out like mature adults in private, so that we can move past it and resume our friendship. As it should be.

I will admit, I have been unkind about people I have had mutual enmity with, where a resolution was not possible and there was ill feeling on both sides. But who is not guilty of that? The post circulated today contains a blend of genuine screenshots, and a lot of ones that have been doctored. For those that converse with me on a regular basis, you’ll be aware of my use of syntax, turns of phrase and general mannerisms of speech. To quote a good friend “this Ange feels very ooc to me.”

To further address the racism, I will hold my hands up and apologise for not speaking out sooner. I have never excused it, simply been avoidant of it because I did not feel safe to speak out. When someone repeatedly uses the p-slur, laughs at your discomfort and continues to do it, claiming it’s fine because they are of mixed race, it’s difficult to know how to respond beyond simply pulling away quietly and hoping it stops.

I didn’t feel safe to speak on it sooner. To be honest, what forced my hand was finding out that I had been doxxed. That was frightening to me, and has very real life consequences. I have since learned that further illegal action has been taken against other users. That’s not something I want to be a part of. No, I can’t excuse racism, and I can’t excuse doxxing and cyberstalking either. If you felt there was a genuine concern for your safety, wouldn’t you want to act on it? Everything that has transpired since is utterly bewildering to me. The level of hatred is atonishing.

I don’t care what happens to me or this blog, if I’m being perfectly honest, but I do care about the feelings of others, and I appreciate that my inaction has hurt people. If your space feels safer without me in it, please feel free to do what you need to do to remedy that.

All I have ever wanted is to write, and to encourage others to contribute towards the community. I genuinely love this fandom and the friends I have made within it, but sometimes when you love stuff you have to let it go. And I am willing to do that if it means people can move on and continue to be creative.

#not an excuse #but an explanation

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

I’m gonna be offline for the next twelve hours, as I am travelling. I have been notified of more shit flying around, but I do not have time to deal with it.

The things we HAVE said and done we've already apologised for, in public and/or in private. The things we have not... are categorically untrue, and wildly dishonest. That is all that needs to be said at this point. The attempt to 'hit back' is truly embarrassing.

Please reach out to @em-writes-stuff-sometimes if you need any further clarity. I will be online again once I am back in the UK 💕

#PSA

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

You and she-who-shan't-be-named were my go to for htod stuff, but with all the drama, and it appears she deactivated her account very recently, I'm a little wary of blogs on here. Do you have any recommendations? Preferably, ones that are drama free or as free as possible as fandom allows.

First of all, I’d like to sincerely apologise for the part I have played in all this. You likely visit my blog for Ewan crumbs and/or fan fiction, not to see me boohooing about people being cruel to me on the internet. I promise I am going to leave all of that in the dust and get back to my usual programming!

Always happy to shout about my mutuals - can you give me an indication of the sort of stuff you’re looking for? I can then base my recommendations around that.

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Hi Ange, I'm not exactly a very active member with other users within the fandom, but seeing what I saw unfold recently was incredibly unsettling. I understand if you don't want to respond to this ask, in the name of leaving it in the past, that's totally understandable.

I wanted to send love your way, and hope that you are able to move past and heal. Seeing the things that were said was so jarring, especially because one of the perpetrators that was revealed, I had opened up to one of them about one or two things I was struggling with, and seeing how they spoke of so many persons left me dumbfounded. I hope it doesn't sound presumptuous of me to be afraid that I might have been secretly judged/made fun of for the things I opened up about, or if it seems that I'm overestimating my importance.

I'm a very introverted person, and opening up to others and interacting with others doesn't come easily to me, and I was starting to get comfortable with doing things like commenting, reblogging, turning off anon, but now I've be scared back into my cave, so to speak. Seeing how you've dealt with this very scary, hurtful, cruel situation has instilled in me a great admiration for you, I never thought I could so deeply admire someone I didn't even know, on a little website where we're supposed to bond over the things we like. But my god have you shown yourself to be someone to be admired, a true example, even thought it may not feel like it. I've been following your blog for a while, and I just wanted to say that you're a beautiful person, and so, so strong. Thank you for the fics you've chosen to share that many including myself enjoy repeatedly. I'm sending love your way and praying for your peace and that you will find closure.

Thank you for the kind words of support 💕 And I am so deeply sorry for how all of this has made you feel. Fandom is supposed to be fun. I come on here to thirst over ✨that old man✨ and post and read fan fiction. It shouldn’t feel like a war zone for anyone.

I hope we can get things back to normal soon and that your confidence to interact returns with it. Sending you lots of love!

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Me anytime I see poor Aemma giving birth: VISERYS WHEN I CATCH YOU VISERYS

That scene is such a difficult watch for me. To hold your wife’s hand and reassure her, knowing you’re about to have her killed is just…ugh.

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

hello!! just want to say i’m so sorry to you and to everyone else who has been dealing with this hate for a long time. i’ve been keeping up with the hotd fanfic circle since hotd premiered 2 years ago and you are one my favorite aemond/hotd fanfic authors on here! i’m glad the people involved are getting found out, thank you for speaking out!! sending love to you and all the authors who had to deal with all this hate 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Thank you so much for the kind words! 💕

I hate what this has turned my blog into. People don’t follow me to see this constant bullshit. I want to get back to a place of sharing fics and posting Ewan crumbs. I feel a weird sense of guilt that his sort of thing is being splashed all over everyone’s dashes!

I am coming home today, so hoping once I start writing again, I can go back to business as usual!

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

https://www.tumblr.com/whatitshouldvebeen/737255451460321280/yeah-yeah-you-wanna-fuck-that-old-man-but-are-you?source=share

Why did I immediately think of you

Shocked that there is an old man post I have not reblogged! Instantly remedied, thank you for bringing this to my attention 🫡

#asked and answered #lovely moots 💕

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Yeah yeah you wanna fuck that old man, but are you prepared for him to send you memes you've already seen? What about dad jokes? You ready to give backrubs every night because his old man back is hurting after fucking you senseless?

#yes I am #🫡

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Tell us about your newest project <3

I have three on the WIP list currently.

My Body is a Cage - this is an angsty Aemond one shot, where the woman he loves ends their betrothal when she learns that he killed Luke. Going to get to work on this, and hopefully have it published in a few days.

The third and final part of Cozened Indigo - this is coming at the weekend!

Fire on the Mountain - my Otto x OC fic. Very excited about this and can’t wait to share the first chapter with you all!

#asked and answered

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

💚

💕

#asked and answered