euroclydonn

[euroclydonn]

Well my life is fucked i lost my only special toy

[euroclydonn]

One good thing is that I get easily obsessed with myself in a good way.

I'm hyping myself up so much about my freaking build lately

#i may be a bit vain #and a bit self centered #BUT ALSO ITS NOT BAD TO THINK YOURE THE SHIT #especially since im not comparing myself to others or anything #my only rival is my younger self

[euroclydonn]

I'm literally so young. I will love again

#like. I'm supposed to be a high school senior rn

[euroclydonn]

I have a date next Saturday with a guy who is my age and who I've known since 5th grade

#hes a lil curly headed gay boy who loves poetry #his mom was the school counselor

[euroclydonn]

#yea #i domt wanna talk about it

[euroclydonn]

#i put my thoughts in the comments

[euroclydonn]

One good thing to come of all this is that when I think of dating new people and the old trauma-driven centers in my brain try to tread the old path of "what if I am the wrong kind of weird?" And "what if I am not attractive enough?" The path diverts to "if someone thinks you're not enough then they're not the one for you." And " you're the right kind of weird for the right kind of person"

So I'd like to thank my ex for undoing the damage of my last ex. Teaching me that I am desirable. That I'm not annoying. That I deserve love.

I'd like to thank myself for being strong enough to remind me of that every day. For conceptualizing it correctly. It's not "I'm weird but at least one person loves me" it's: "I'm weird but I am loveable"

And at the very end of this very long day, I'm so glad that I don't need the love of another to remind me of my worth. I don't need someone's interest in me to prove that I'm interesting. Now I know that not only do I deserve love, but most importantly I do not need it.

#thank u next #I've left this relationship feeling more stable #if I felt this stable 8 months ago Alex wouldnt have had the chance #I would have left her after red flag number 2 #if I was this confident 8 months ago I wouldnt have needed this lesson in confidence #but I am so thankful that this happened. painful as it was.

[euroclydonn]

I will fall out of love

[euroclydonn]

Vonnegut talking about camus and Moby dick in the same breath 😆

[euroclydonn]

https://open.spotify.com/track/3PwSoHvuvEe7cDSuUTP8vj?si=GtB64ze2QtC_fI6OcwVPqQ

#kurt vonnegut told me to listen to this lol

[euroclydonn]

A fear I've had lately has been "who will get excited for my accomplishments now?" Who will go "hell yeah!!" About my quizzes and little accomplishments? Who will give a shit if I shave a minute off of my mile time?

I will. I will be excited for myself. Every book I read I will be proud of myself for reading. Every passing grade will be cause for excitement. I will take pictures of my own accomplishments. I will look back on them in 6 months and still be proud. I will say HELL YES I passed that test. HELL YES I got that promotion!! HELL YES I earned my degree!!!

I don't need a significant other to be proud when I have everything I need right here

#today im proud of myself for going to school #im proud of myself for eating breakfast #im proud of myself for turning in a big homework assignment and getting to school on time #I'm proud of myself for being so strong #for being my own solid foundation #for providing for myself #I'm proud of myself for continuing #for not looking back

[euroclydonn]

This shit is gonna downright make me a Christian like fuck man maybe we should be following more rules

[euroclydonn]

I'm literally listening to Taylor swift over this

[euroclydonn]

I would go beat the shit out of her but she doesn't deserve to feel my skin

[euroclydonn]

I ate like. Half of a meal yesterday. And a smoothie. But today I'm eating breakfast. I will recover. I will survive. I will get stronger. She will never touch me ever again.

#when she gives my key back i will make it clear she is not to even touch my hand

[euroclydonn]

The best way to recover from cheating is to listen to I will survive on repeat while vigorously cleaning your house

[euroclydonn]

I need to (remembers to not make casual suicide jokes in order to encourage a more outwardly positive mindset and healthy conversational environment in my day to day life) kill myself