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erenskye91 · 2 years

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“You’re fucking my mate,” Cassian spits and the look of betrayal is enough to make Azriel’s siphons gleam a bright blue.

Azriel thinks of duels. Thinks of escape, but why should he run? Why should they hide? Nesta and him only love each other. Nesta has never loved him.

“Since last Solstice,” he says and Azriel can’t muster up the sorrow. He touches the dagger at his side, in his palm. Ready and easy to strike. Guilt has ridden him all these days, tainted his every night. It has stuck to him like one of his shadows, so what is more guilt after all? Is it a worse kind of betrayal to choose her over a brother?

But Azriel won’t betray himself.

“I love her.”

“She isn’t some toy that you can steal to get back at me,” Cassian sneers. In his face, Azriel sees red–eyes that are burning and cold and hurt. In them, he almost sees Nesta, too. That same look he’s seen when they first start their trysts and it turns into something more. Something sweeter. That look is on her face and it may have been on his own, if he’d bothered to stop hiding in shadows and faced the sun. All of it’s rotten and ugly truths.

“This isn’t about Mor,” he explains plainly, “and this isn’t about you… I don’t know what Elain told you, but it wasn’t like that. I love Nesta and she loves me.”

“She’s my mate.”

“She doesn’t belong to you!” The words roar of out of his mouth before he can help himself to rationality. Azriel is always suppose to be the rational one. All of their lives, he’s the one who makes plans. The one who sees it to the end… and in that end, there is a finality. A cruel, singular note that echoes in the dark crevice of his soul. He finishes what the others cannot. Tortures and rarely tames.

Somehow, Cassian shouldn’t be so surprised, he thinks.

Even so, it might make him vile to love his brother’s mate, but how bad can he be? How tainted can love be made, when it makes him feel this whole? His hands are scarred but they’ve worshipped something holy. They’ve held the hands of someone covered in thorns. Together, they have made something out of pain. Out of prisons. Out of rot.

“I’m not sorry that she chose me.”

#nezriel #nesta archeron #azriel

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erenskye91 · 2 years

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a court of rage and fire

sup nestas and nerises, i’m writing a fanfic that is basically just how i wanted acosf to go (feat nesta rage betrothal to eris). some of y’all might appreciate so i wanted to share here. the first two chapters are up on wattpad, and i’m working on chapter 3 today.

(edit: chapter 3 is up! i just had to write a little valkyrie fluff, hope y’all don’t mind. also i’ve been browsing the eris hashtags and damn y’all are giving me some hot and smutty ideas. the rating is definitely gonna change to mature at some point and i’ll probably have to migrate to ao3 once i get my invite 🔥)

this is an AU that diverges from canon acosf at chapter 58, beginning with the day after winter solstice. there is no deus ex machina or gaping plot hole coming to rescue characters at the last moment. character decisions have final and far-reaching consequences. some of your faves may die, and they cannot be saved. the stakes are high; proceed accordingly.✨

here’s an excerpt:

✦✦✦

Prythian, the day after Winter Solstice.

Her arms filled with a motley assortment of rectangular packages, Nesta rested a moment on the porch of the River House. Despite her overall glowing feeling of love for the Night Court this morning, she still felt a tiny inkling of anxiety. She had never called on the court unannounced. Even though the last few days had passed rather pleasantly, did they really want to see more of her? Even if she came bearing tokens of good will?

She had passed the morning in the bookshop, spending the first dozen or so of the credits Feyre and Elain had given her on everyone but herself. A thick book of what her human family would have called fairy tales—did Fae still call them fairy tales?—with whimsically painted illustrations, for Feyre and Rhys. Not technically for the baby, as it was ill luck to gift before birth, but she hoped they would read the stories to the child. A guide book of herbs and their magical and mundane uses, so old it was browned by time, for Elain. Fashion history for Mor, though Nesta supposed five-hundred-year-old Mor had already lived through much of it. A gilded stationery set for Amren to write letters to Varian. As for Azriel and Cassian, she was not entirely sure if they read much, other than dull strategy books, of which there were few in the bookshop. They did try to encourage pleasure reading there, after all. But the bookshop had allowed her to use credits toward the confectioneries they sold in the little reading lounge in the front of the store. She had noticed from their meals together in the House of Wind that Azriel had a hearty love for dessert, and if Cassian had less of a sweet tooth, well, maybe he’d be eager to eat a few off her bare skin when she returned. She had asked the bookseller to wrap each item for her, and Nesta had painstakingly written everyone’s name on their gift with the beautiful calligraphy her mother had drilled into her so long ago.

Nesta debated leaving the gifts on the porch as if to say, I’m a coward and also didn’t have any money to buy Solstice gifts until you gave me shop credit. But then she remembered how lovely it had been to spend time with the court yesterday, and how it had made her a bit nostalgic for the holidays she and her sisters had shared in their human childhood. She expected that Mor and Amren might have slept in after the late night, and that the bat boys would likely still be at the mountain cabin, depending on how quickly the snowball fight had been won. But she at least hoped to see Feyre and Elain.

So Nesta knocked, and waited. No answer. The servants would have the day off since the Inner Circle liked to recover quietly from all the Solstice partying, so she tested the knob. Although Nesta expected it to be locked and enchanted, it turned easily, perhaps having been spelled to allow family members in as they wished. She found an empty living room. Thinking to perhaps find Elain in the garden, where she still liked to sit even in winter with little tending to do, Nesta began to head toward the back door.

But the sound of voices behind an imposing, closed door stopped her. It sounded like everyone was in there, all arguing and talking at once.

Nesta knew the door. It was Rhysand’s office, which often was used as a formal, private meeting room. Not so private that she couldn’t hear from right outside the door, however. Rhysand apparently hadn’t thought to seal the room, with no servants in the house, and the House being enchanted against unwelcome guests.

She might have been added to the list of welcome guests, but Nesta was sure they hadn’t expected her.

Imagining her presence would be an unwelcome interruption, she almost decided to take the cowardly route of leaving the presents at the door, so she could scurry back to the bookshop to pick up a book for herself and enjoy the reading lounge before making the climb back up the stairs. But a word caught her attention. Her name.

“Nesta’s debts—” came from Amren’s voice.

“—her choice—!” Definitely Mor.

“—not having this conversation!” Cassian’s impassioned voice roared above the others.

Then, silence, and a rush of air from the small space between the parquet floor and the door. Feyre must have taken the air out of the room to quiet everyone for a moment, so her mate could regain control.

Nesta moved closer to the door as a gaping black hole formed in her chest.

Rhysand’s voice came on a thin strand of air through the keyhole where Nesta now pressed her ear. Even with her Fae hearing, the door and walls were thick and well-built, and she did not want to miss another word. Rhysand’s was no longer the voice of a male arguing with his family, but the pompous voice of a High Lord speaking with absolute power.

“We will put it to vote.”

Calm silence was the only response from all in the room.

“I would hear first from my High Lady,” Rhysand continued.

“I-I can’t. It’s not right. We can’t keep voting on the lives of those who aren’t present. Rhysand, I forgave you, I forgave all of you for voting on me, but Nesta…she’ll never forgive us. It should be her choice.” The distress in Feyre’s voice was evident, even muffled through the door.

“Is it your choice to abstain from the vote, then?” Rhysand asked gently, but with a distant coolness to his voice that indicated the vote would continue, with or without Feyre.

“No.” Feyre’s voice was ragged with emotion. “I vote that it should be Nesta’s choice.”

Mor was quick to say, “I vote absolutely not. We can’t even tell her. I won’t let you do to her what was done to me.”

“No one is going to slice her up and nail a note to her belly,” Amren said. The words would have been cruel from almost anyone else, but it was Amren’s usual blunt tone. “Eris is our ally. Besides, it’s my vote next. Wait your turn, Morrigan.”

“We will proceed with order, lest we all end up yelling again. Amren,” Rhysand said encouragingly.

“Yes. Nesta should go. The bride price, gold or favors, will pay off her debts, and we will cement Eris’s alliance. No one is forcing her to actually marry him—she’ll have plenty of chances before the final ceremony to back out for any number of reasons, and in the meantime, she can provide the Night Court with insight into Beron and Eris’s dealings, and Keir as their close ally as well. It’s not like Eris has exactly given us much on either of them, and if Beron or Keir contacts Koschei…”

“You are suggesting that we send Nesta to spy.” Azriel’s low voice was careful and steady.

“Frame it as a test of whether we can trust her as part of the Inner Circle,” Amren replied. “But yes. You would train her until she leaves, a few weeks perhaps, and check in on her regularly. It will cause less distress for Azriel to be our liaison than Cassian, of course. Less territorial male preening, at least.”

A pause while everyone mulled this over, though a growl escaped from Cassian. Nesta’s heart was pounding as the realization that they were voting to sell her off in marriage sunk in. Rage flowed from a widening pit in her chest to heat every part of her body.

“This is an intriguing play,” Rhysand finally said. “Morrigan, your vote?”

Nesta had never heard so much emotion in Mor’s voice. Mor was nearly shrill as she said, “No, no, again no. If not no, then give her a choice for Cauldron’s sake, but don’t let her make the wrong one where she could land in Beron or Keir’s claws. You say no one is going to hurt her, but what is stopping Beron or Keir from getting to her if she is found out?”

“Nesta herself,” Elain said quietly, with a small, rueful laugh. “She has more power than any of us, truly. And didn’t Eris ensure your freedom, in his own way? He is a powerful ally, and the risk seems worth strengthening that alliance, or at least gathering information on Beron and Keir’s dealings. I say yes.”

Nesta was sure that Elain was out of order, but no one corrected her. The silver flames began to press at Nesta’s internal walls at Elain’s betrayal, but Nesta tried to count her breaths in the practice of Mind-Stilling to calm herself, lest she burn the entire house away to nothing.

Rhysand said, “That’s two votes for yes, one vote for no, and one vote for leaving it to Nesta. Azriel?”

“It should be Nesta’s choice,” Azriel said slowly. “Having eyes and ears on the greatest dangers from Autumn and Nightmares would be a great boon, I cannot lie. But for it to work, Nesta has to want it. And I will not condone further forcing her into anything. Moving her to the House of Wind has been good for her, yes, but I am not sure we were right for leaving her no choice between that and certain death.”

“And I vote no,” Cassian finally gasped with fury. “We are not discussing this. She is mine. I will not again be in comp—”

Cassian cut himself off before he could say more, but Nesta could feel the unfinished thought caught in Cassian’s throat. I will not again be in competition with Eris. As if she were the consolation prize for neither of them winning Mor over five hundred years ago.

And that phrase. She is mine. It had been one thing to say it in private, when it was the passionate words of foreplay, but to say it behind her back as if he owned her…that was unforgivable.

She would suffer no male to control her.

Nesta stood on the precipice of that black hole in her chest, filling with silver flames that threatened to swallow her and everything in a mile radius whole. She wanted to shatter, but she did not yet allow herself to surrender to the gaping pit.

“Rhys,” Feyre pleaded, her husband’s vote now the arbiter of a three-way tie between a choice, a forced betrothal, and yet another secret kept from Nesta, who had asked nothing of most of them except for the freedom to live her own life after twenty-five years of having no choices. Anything but her own choice threatened to break Nesta forever.

Nesta did not wait to hear the vote of the High Lord.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/316578975-a-court-of-rage-and-fire

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erenskye91 · 2 years

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realizing what he lost.

psa: this scene does mention narcissistic behavior. please, read with caution.

Cassian could feel his heart beating faster as he walked closer to the double doors.

He had craved to see her. After almost two years since she fled to the Autumn Court, he had still wanted her, never spending a day without her in his thoughts. He wondered what Eris did to her, only imagining what he would see after those doors opened.

Was she alright?

Did he hurt her?

Was she suffering?

Would she come back home?

Did she still love him?

Beside him, his family was there, waiting for those doors to open as well.

He could hear the mumbling from the inside, trying to hear his mate’s voice. He tried to single her out, but he couldn’t hear her over all the mumbles and laughter.

Will you be alright, Cassian? Rhys asks him.

It was a question he was asking himself since he found out she'd be here. His mind hounded him, calling out to her, receiving no answer. After everything that happened between them, he deserved her silence, but the pain was unbearable.

"Why do you always take their side? Every time I oppose them, you always defend them! You know I am right about this, Cassian! We have already fought a war where we lost thousands of lives! We are not prepared for another one! We won't last!" Nesta yelled at him.

Cassian pinches the bridge of his nose, "That isn't your call to make, Nesta! Rhysand and Feyre are the ones who make the call. Every war I have faced and won is because of Rhys. He knows what he is doing. We need to trust him." He tells her.

Nesta scoffs, "It's like you don't care how many soldiers you lose. Those men are prepared for war, but they are leaving behind families. You are part of the reason why. If you keep agreeing to everything that Rhysand does, eventually, you will lose." She says, facing away from him.

"And since when did you start caring about the lives of others? What did you do when your sister was out on her own, scavenging for food? You left her alone. She was out there by herself while you and Elain stood around doing nothing." He snaps at her.

Nesta snaps her head to him, "You have no idea what you are talking about! I explained my reason for doing so and I have apologized!" She tells him.

Cassian huffs a laugh, "And what was your precious reason? Was it because you were too lazy and figured that your youngest sister could do it on her own? Or was it because you thought yourself too valuable to ever do lowlife things such as that?" He says.

"Fuck you! Even when I told you everything that my mother had done to me, you still believe that I wanted Feyre to do everything? My mother trusted her to take care of our family! Yes, I know I could have done more, but I didn't know how to do everything as she did! Feyre had trained herself, taught herself the ways of the wild, while Elain and I could only watch!" She exclaimed.

Cassian rolls his eyes, "But you knew she was suffering. She needed your help, but you clearly couldn't see that. Instead, you stood to the side, caring about nothing but Elain and yourself. Fuck everyone, right? Including your father?" He tells her.

Nesta was stunned into silence.

Cassian's thoughts were interrupted as the doors opened.

As they walked into the room, he could see they were the sixth court to arrive. The Autumn Court wasn't there yet.

The General let out a breath of relief, not knowing what he would have done if he laid eyes on his mate. He might have embraced her or stole her away from the awful court, wanting to be with her for a single moment.

"Ah, look who has arrived. Isn't it fun to be in the same room as we were three years ago?" Helion asked with a gleaming grin.

Rhysand scoffed, "It would be fun if it weren't under severe circumstances. We shouldn't be talking about war so soon after going through one." He says, taking a seat beside Kallias.

Cassian's mind flashes back to that time, remembering how close he was to death, not knowing that he was looking at her right in those blue-gray eyes.

I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta.

That was the first moment he saw the pureness of his mate. He saw her vulnerability, feeling her very being tugging at him to stay alive. There, he fought with everything to be by her side, even if it were their last minutes alive.

Thesan scoffed, "If anything, you should be the most excited about this upcoming war, seeing as you weren't hesitant on starting one when Eris married your mate's sister." He says.

Feyre looks at him, "Whatever goes on with my family is none of your concern. Eris knew what he was getting himself into." She snaps at him.

He leaned forward in his seat, "Your sister crossed into my court, gaining temporary refuge from a family she stumbled upon. From what they told me, she was dirty, parched, and wet from the rain. Her fever reached high temperatures to the point where smoke rose from her body, even while she slept. She stayed in bed for five days before she was able to get up," Thesan says.

Cassian felt himself freeze at the words. He hadn't known. After she had left, he spent days screaming at himself when he should have gone out to find her, getting her back home where she was safe.

"You fucking bastard! How dare you say that? You make it seem that I didn't give a shit about what happened to her at all! I stared out the window almost every minute, hoping that she would return by sundown! There were times I stood out on the porch to see if I could see her silhouette to know she was alive! I may not have gone out there, but I was dependent on her!" Nesta yelled.

He chuckled, "Keep telling yourself that, Nesta, maybe you'll start believing yourself." He says, walking out of the room.

"She is my sister! I know what I did was wrong, but you have no right to hold it over my head! What if I said those same things about your mother?" Nesta told him.

At that, Cassian stopped, turning back to look at her, "You are on thin ice, Nes. I'd be careful with your next words." He tells her.

"So now you're threatening me? You are allowed to bring up my past, but I cannot bring up yours? You're a fucking hypocrite!" She yells at him.

"What happened with my mother is different. I barely knew her." He tells her.

Nesta scoffs, "And if you had known her, do you think that she'd be okay with you treating me like this? You act no better than the males in the mountains, treating women as if they're nothing but dirt!" She yells at him.

"Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you? You want me to be like them so that you can run off and go to someone else who your mother would deem more worthy of you?" He says, walking closer to her, "Let me tell you something, Nesta. There is no one in this world who will put up with you like I do. No one will understand you better than me. That is exactly why the Mother paired you with me. It's because I am the only male worthy enough to withstand your bullshit."

After the last word left his mouth, Cassian's head snapped to the side, feeling the sting of his mate's hand on his cheek, feeling the iron taste pool in his mouth.

"Whatever was between us, you have destroyed it. I don't ever want to see you again! You hear me! I reject this fucking bond!" She yells at him, walking past and out of the door of the House of Wind.

Next, it was Kallias who spoke, "High Lady, my guards had to rescue your sister from the mountains. With the equipment she was given, she barely made it out alive. If it weren't for the aid of my court, she would have been returned to you dead. Thankfully, for her flaming abilities, she was able to heal up quickly. We may not care about what goes on in your court, but when it comes to something like this, we deserve an explanation." He says.

Feyre sighs, looking away from them, probably talking to Rhysand through their bond. He held her hand, comforting her in this conflicting situation.

Cassian stared at them, knowing they were debating on whether they should say the truth. If they did, there was a high chance that he would be seen as the enemy in their eyes.

That's exactly what he thought he was anyway.

"There were some... complications between Nesta and me. I had said things I shouldn't and-" Feyre started but was interrupted.

"Lies. It was because of the General of the Night Court. From what my citizens told me, Eris and Nesta spoke about the situation whilst in my court. Cassian had fought with her, saying things about her past that he shouldn't have, making her leave that same night and trudge through Prythian on her own." Tamlin says, his arms crossed and eyes closed, unbothered.

Cassian stood from his seat, "You know nothing! I advise you to keep your mouth shut before-"

"Before what? You kill me? It would be mercy at this point. But do not try and scurry away from this, General. Your mate ran to another court to escape you," he leaned forward in his seat, "She married Eris because she would have died if she went anywhere else. You and your precious High Lord and Lady didn't give her a choice." Tamlin reveals, picking the dirt from under his nails.

This time, it was Cassian who was stunned into silence.

Then, the doors had opened once more, revealing the Autumn Court.

Everyone had their heads turned towards them, seeing Beron walk in with grace, the Lady of Autumn, and their youngest sons walking behind him. And the last to come in...

Nesta was put into a deep orange silk dress. It was slit at the side, showing her leg from her thigh all the way down to her white heels. Her neck was decored in the finest gold, shining in the sunlight. Her hair was put up into its natural style, wearing a crown of bronze leaves with gold flakes, showing where her allegiance lay.

Her arm was linked with Eris's, the ruby wedding ring shimmering as it caught the light. Her face held no emotion like her husband's. But they nodded once to everyone, showing common respect, unlike Beron and his other sons.

"Ah, the topic of conversation. You all made it just in time." Helion announced, the whole room becoming tense.

As the Autumn Court sat down, Cassian looked at the woman who sat across from him, not knowing who she was. She hadn't looked like the woman he fell in love with. She had changed.

"Topic of conversation? Please, do tell." Beron says to them.

Thesan shakes his head, "We will talk about it later. Right now, we must focus on what we will do about the upcoming war, and how we can prevent it from happening." He says.

He couldn't focus on their words. Nesta was fuller, vibrant even. She seemed more content. Even when her eyes briefly met with the Lady of Autumn, he saw the small smile she gave her, seeing a glow in her he hadn't noticed before.

Whatever was between us, you have destroyed it!

And it was true.

He had lost her.

#nesta archeron #eris vanserra #neris #acosf

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erenskye91 · 2 years

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“You’re wasted at the Night Court.”

#acosf #nesta archeron #eris vanserra #neris #nerista

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erenskye91 · 2 years

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read this kkir fic by @hexadecimal00 where iruka gets so fed up with bad mission reports, he starts grading them and giving out disappointed stickers, and kakashi goes out of his way to collect them, which makes iruka even angrier 😂

#kakairu #hatake kakashi #umino iruka

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erenskye91 · 2 years

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I really want to love Nessian, I really do. But the more I think about it, the more I realize Cassian is terrible for Nesta and she deserves better. Like I appreciate my fanon version of Nessian instead of actual canon because that just is heartbreaking.

Cassian literally talks down to Nesta, wants to change her drastically, gets jealous, has se/x with her knowing she is going through personal issues. On the hike he was literally waiting for her to break down….like who does that for their mate??

For Feyre, he was kind and patient with her trauma but not with Nesta….his mate. All because Nesta wears her trauma differently. With Nesta he was cruel and vindictive. Not to mention he doesn’t defend Nesta with his IC. When they all make cruel comments on Nesta and she deserves to be treated badly and put in a place of nightmares he doesn’t say anything, but “silently agrees”

Mor said Nesta belonged in the place of nightmares. Amren called Nesta a waste of space. Why didn’t Cassian defend her? Why didn’t Feyre or Elain defend her? No one did, and these comments are way worse than what Nesta ever said to Feyre (plus Feyre also said things to Nesta as well but no one bats an eye) (she said she couldn’t wait to sell of her sisters to marriage but yeah Feyre’s an angel)

Rhys called her illyrian. And this justifies the treatment to Nesta? Honestly this makes sense considering he doesn’t do anything for illyrian women.

Not to mention the IC respected Feyre and was kind to her cause they knew she meant something to Rhys. Why couldn’t they give the same respect to Nesta cause they knew she meant something to Cassian. (As well as Feyre, but noooo they were angry with the fact Nesta let Feyre hunt) (moreover, they do nothing while innocent illyrian women are getting abused by the males as well as innocent fae suffering in CoN)

When Rhys threatened to kill Nesta. What did he do? He did nothing. I thought you weren’t supposed to come between a fae male and their mate?? But i guess that is only with the glorious Feysand. How Cassian treated Nesta, how he didn’t defend her to the death (like how Rhys did for Feyre) doesn’t make sense that they are mates. Hell Cassian puts Feyre above his own mate! Even before Rhys and Feyre’s mate bond took place, he still put her above everything. Why can’t Cassian do it.

I hope SJM fixes their relationship, cause the more I think about ACOTAR, the more I realize the red flags.

#nesta deserves better

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