entropyblog

[entropyblog]

What Your Capital of a United World Says About You

In science fiction it's tempting to unite the world. Sure this scenario is a nightmare to the nationalists of the world, but to the rest of us humanity united in exploring the cosmos and building global solidarity is the good ending to the human story. This united world would be a government that can exert actual control and monopolized state violence, unlike the UN, thus it'd have a hierarchy, and the functionaries of this superstate need a place to put their offices and homes, as well as alien worlds needing a place for their embassies, hence a global capital city. As a writer, here's what your capital city says about you, plus some pros and cons to help all others decide where they want their capital.

New York City

You set the world capital where the UN and the largest financial companies in the world are based, in your world humanity united under the broad liberal ideas of freeish markets and democracy. Either the UN took over the world in aide of a global catastrophe, or some other global congress decided to set up shop where the financial and political infrastructure already exists. You're a bit basic for choosing New York City, but I can't fault that.

Pros - Big city feel, surprisingly clean water for a city its size, and half of your American audience will love how you choose their biggest and most important city for the honor.

Cons - It's smelly, NIMBY's will destroy any chance at badass cyberpunk skyscrapers, and the other half of your American audience made being "rural" over 33% of their entire personality and see New Yorkers as a weird fucked up fungus people.

Washington DC

You're an American imperialist pig-dog and you're proud of it, there's no shame in being a pig-dog if you're coming out on top. America's immense military budget was a good investment after all, despite what most economists and philosophers (read, fucking nerds) would say. The flag of your united world has thirteen stripes and just the most stars you can imagine. They say the sky's the limit, but really the limit is the damn moon for you good ol' boy. The world unified after realizing that a life mostly spent in gridlock or turnpike traffic and subsisting on corn products shaped like other foods is the best way to live.

Pros: DC actually has nice monuments and architecture.

Cons: The congress building will have to be megalithic to fit the thousands of senators you'll have to house. Given how herayclean it is to change the constitution at least the House of Representatives keep their size.

Any California (or in the 2020's, Texas, city)

This is the refrain of Cyberpunk rules, where you live in a desert, or as nerds would correct me, something close to the desert (that's still way too dry to support the population to be frank). With the ideal being gleaming skyscrapers, glass towers, and an underground underclass of shanty-dwellers just trying to survive this cruel and unforgiving world. However, in reality, in California and Texas NIMBY's are more organized and militant than some militaries so it's more like endless cookie-cutter HOA dominated suburbs and the underground underclass of shanty-dwellers. I know Texas only became associated with its tech industry in the 1990's, but let's face it in 2023 the only real difference between Texas and Cali is the accent and how annoying the locals are about being from Texas. In your world megacorporations and technocrats rule with a steel fist (literally, because they have scary robot hands) and humanity is united not by government intervention, but by ruthless capitalist expansionism.

Pros - It's sunny, the beaches are perfect in the summer, plenty of desert and farmland for shootin' and ridin', great music scenes, and you can make very fun parodies of Elon.

Cons - You have to live in California or Texas, there are at least two layers of Hell I'd prefer.

Panama City

Hear me out, I know it's rare (I'm sure I just made this up), but can you genuinely name a more "central" place in humanity? It's along the intersections of north and South America, and sailing the canal is the fastest pre-airline way to travel from Asia to Europe or west Africa. Panama, like most of Latin America, is a very diverse country, and Panama gets very few natural disasters. Sure the heat and mosquitos are a lot to deal with, but this country was literally built to connect the world. If you ignore the actually complex history of Panama, that basic meaningless phrase can be treated as a beautiful sentiment.

Pros - Global shipping and a very central location for everyone to meet and cooperate.

Cons - Panama City is small and doesn't have much physical space to expand.

Rio De Janeiro/and Brazilian city

I know Sao Paulo is the biggest city in Brazil, and Brasilia is the capital, but Rio de Janeiro is the most fun to say so I'm just using it as the base template. If you use Rio as your world capital, it means you're Brazilian. I can't think of that many benefits per say of using Rio aside from just wanting a South American or Brazilian world capital, but honestly do we need a reason? Rio is simultaneously a colorful and playful place, but it also holds incredible inequality and a severe violence epidemic. If you want to criticize Brazilian society, as well as show off how fun and lovely it can be, it's a very great setting. Also, realistically any world government would incorporate multiple capitals from all over the world and Rio makes sense as the South American/Latin American capital.

Pros - The fun things I said

Cons - The not-fun things I said.

London

God save the king. Like the DC guy you're an imperialist pig-dog and you wear that label with pride, in OTL Britain's empire fell and the "glory" of the empire is often seen as a propaganda tool to distract from the horrific abuses committed in the name of her majesty's empire. However, if Britain could just unite the world, spay and neuter the French, and convince EVERYONE of her majesty's glory, London would hold the distinction as the home of the world's greatest minds, generals, and politicians. Wouldn't make haggis taste good, but at least Britain will rule the waves.

Pros - Britain will, by default, always bring the World Cup home.

Cons - There's a reason most countries CELEBRATE leaving the British Empire.

Rome

There are two types of people that want Rome to be the global capital. Fundamentalist Catholics and even more fundamentalist Rome or Byzantine nerds. All roads lead to Rome, and it's your philosophy that the Empire shall rise again to unify humanity and harness our spirit to its full potential. Either an ascended Pope to lead the empire of Heaven or a new Augustus

Pros - The "all roads" thing is almost literal if you live in Afro-Euroasia. It's also just badass to imagine yourself as a Roman, but without he whole slavery thing.

Cons - You're limited in the city's cool sci-fi shit when archeologists and UNESCO hogs every dig site. I know Lazio's ground has more artifacts than dirt but it makes building things for the now a Kafkaesque ordeal.

Moscow

The heart of the revolution, Moscow is the natural home to a socialist world where a supreme Soviet ensures housing and work for the "liberated" peoples of the world. In this world the Soviet Union (or Reunion) spreads its tentacles far and wide, overwhelming the capitalist machine and waving the red flag of liberty above every factory and barrack. In your world communism is humanity's goal, space travel is its most ambitious mission, comrade is the go-to gender-neutral pronoun, and there are no rules against steroids at the olympics.

Pros - Pays homage to Lenin's dreams

Cons - It's cold as shit

Istanbul

I'm putting this one on here because it makes sense. Istanbul has many historic and modern marvels and is located exactly where the Muslim and Western worlds border. While many people love to say Istanbul is a "central" location it really isn't in the grand scheme of things. Sure if you mean central in relation to the Middle East and Europe, but as a global capital we need to think of a place that's either historically significant or located where a lot of people are. Istanbul is very historically significant, but I think Istanbul is just a good very big city rather than a place everything should be central to.

Pros - It's a very nice place

Cons - I just don't feel it's "capital of humanity" worthy.

Jerusalem

Home to the Jewish temples, the Temple Mound, and some of the most grade temples in the world, this city is basically THE religion city. Regardless of what Abrahamic religion you choose, if it unified the world as one it'd likely be based here. It's not known for much else, aside from being central in the Israel-Palestine conflict, but I'm sure your world government can solve this conflict with the power of God, patience, and probably extreme violence.

Pros - Very religiously significant

Cons - If you think Israel/Palestine is controversial now...

Shanghai

Picking Beijing is too on-the-nose. You choose a Chinese city because you're either a Chinese patriot or you really buy into the idea of BRICS multipolarity. You want a more blue-collar and humble capital. While Shanghai has plenty of glass towers and cool spots, it's the influencer city in China after all, Shanghai is also the biggest city in China so most Shanghaiers are very average. A lot of factory and dock workers, a lot of service jobs, and a lot of everything really. Even if it is "the big city" there's not much of a reputation for Shanghai, it does practically everything as a large and powerful Chinese megapolis.

Pros - It's a massive and beautiful city.

Cons - It's in China so people on Reddit will call you a fascist if the setting isn't just a giant LiveLeak video. Because Shanghai has so many reputations it can seem generic.

Tokyo

You're probably a weeaboo. Okay, Tokyo is a great city for a retroist cyberpunk setting. Okay, Tokyo is the largest city in the world with loads of economic and diplomatic institutions that makes it one of the most globally important cities on Earth. Okay Tokyo is a beautiful place with amazing cityscapes, historic districts, castles, shinto shrines, and even beautiful mountains outside the city. But we both know you picked Tokyo because you JUST want to be a Mangaka. Besides, if any population would hate being a global capital it'd be the Japanese one.

Pros - Yeah it's a nice place and all.

Cons - You just look like a Dorn, assuming you're not Japanese. If you are Japanese, this choice just says you're basic. Try Osaka as a capital instead, it's just a slightly smaller Tokyo to everyone outside Japan.

New City

As Dante said, the darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality. Granted, he meant that in the context of moral decisions, but the fact that you had to make up a city instead of using one of the great ones that exist for your project shows a lack of commitment and a need to be inoffensive. While someone will always be mad at you when you pick one of these cities, no one will be happy that you pulled one out of your anal cavity to be as perfect and neutral as you want.

Pros - You don't offend anyone

Cons - You don't impress anyone

Any other city

You're a special unicorn who I am too basic and uninformed to fully understand or appreciate.

Pros - All the pros

Cons - All the cons

#science fiction #worldbuilding #entropy #satire #WORLD CAPITAL #humanity #geography

[entropyblog]

Big Rock Candy Mountains, The Worst Heaven 

Overall I consider myself a pessimist, I believe that it's always preferable to expect the worst outcome so that you aren't disappointed constantly. Granted, I'm also an unemployed ugly troglodyte so life advice from me is very damn worthless. One of my favorite things about pessimism is that it allows me to look at things that seem good and call it bullshit, that's how I survived living in rural America without joining a MLM. Recently I've been listening to music from the Great Depression, I believe that in trying times like the 2020's it's good to consult the past to gauge what behaviors are common. One song that many people find endearing comes form our hobo friends, "Big Rock Candy Mountains" is the song people sung to envision heaven as they rode box cars to their next seasonal job. I decided to annotate the song for Tumblr.

The last stanza is a controversial one, it's a stanza that's often left out both for copyright reasons and because it doesn't fit in with the song. It's also conditional and a later ad, as a folk song we don't know how original any of the lyrics are. As such I'll ignore it.

"One evening, as the sun went down And the jungle fire was burning Down the track came a hobo hiking And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning I'm headed for a land that's far away Beside's the crystal fountains So come with me, we'll go and see The Big Rock Candy Mountains"

In this verse we're introduced to a hiking hobo with a set path, the titular Big Rock Candy Mountains. The jungle fire probably refers to a big city fire, which were common in the late 19th century. If not that, jungle fires also refer to large uncontrolled fires in general, perhaps a fire the listeners are resting besides. I've read an interpretation that "rock candy" refers to meth, but this is almost certainly false as the song dates to 1895 and meth was mostly contained in Germany and Japan at this time.

"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains There's a land that's fair and bright Where the handouts grow on bushes And you sleep out every night Where the boxcars all are empty And the sun shines every day

On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees The lemonade springs, where the bluebird sings

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains"

In this verse we start getting descriptions of the Big Rock Candy Mountains. The weather is always sunny, which suggests to me that they are located in the southwestern United States, which mostly house desert climates. The climate is so dry and warm that their homelessness isn't even an impediment as they can just sleep outside every night. I write this from Arizona, so I can attest that the weather isn't that good, it does get cold here and the wind chill makes winters almost chilly enough to be hazardous. So this seems like places like California and Nevada as envisioned by midwesterners and southerners who deal with more hazardous weather on a more regular basis. The boxcars are empty because you're still a hobo in hobo heaven and you must still leave for seasonal work. The handouts grow on bushes, meaning that people's generosity isn't needed anymore, and this place is so friendly that the trees grow ready and rolled cigarettes and lemonade comes from the ground like water.

"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains All the cops have wooden legs And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs The farmers' trees are full of fruit And the barns are full of hay

Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow Where the rain don't fall, the wind don't blow

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains"

This is where this heaven really starts to get sad more than anything. Despite this being the perfect place for hobos to live, there are still cops and the cops still sick dogs on you for vagrancy. In fact, you're still so homeless that you have to sneak into barns to sleep (common at the time). It's just that hobo heaven just has cops that can't chase you, dogs that can't hurt you, you still have to steal food to survive, and the barns you sneak into are relatively comfy compared to the ground. The hens laying pre-made soft boiled eggs sounds actually heavenly to me though. As I said, the southwest has tough weather sometimes, the wind not blowing in particular makes this place seem entirely unreasonable to imagine as existing. As such it's only safe to say that the hobo at the start of the song is lying to get people to follow him for some reason, reasons that last verse I'm skipping suggest are very troublesome.

"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains You never change your socks And the little streams of alcohol Come a-trickling down the rocks The brakemen have to tip their hats And the railway bulls are blind

There's a lake of stew, and of whiskey too You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains"

The weather is so perfect that you don't even change your socks, it's a place where you never worry about trench foot or parasites. Maybe BO but they're hobos so a bad smell stopped phasing them. What's really sad to me is the fact that they've reached heaven, a place perfectly suited to meet their every demand, but they still need alcohol. To the point that it has to trickle out the rocks and form a small lake. Brakemen were crew on the train, they were in charge of hitting the brakes and slowing the train down to get the train into the station, as such they didn't like hobos because they often stole from the train and attacked the crew. One way train companies tried to hamper hobos was employing train bulls, or big guys with weapons to scare and/or escort hobos off the train. In the mountains the brakemen are less hostile, letting the hobos hop on board, and the bulls are blind and thus won't bother you if you're silent. Again, the fact that it's heaven and there are still guys whose job it is to beat you up is just depressing in a way. The lake of stew was just more free food, it's important to know that these guys ate one meal a day if that so any source of free food was highly anticipated.

"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains The jails are made of tin And you can walk right out again As soon as you are in There ain't no short-handled shovels No axes, saws nor picks

I'm a-goin' to stay where you sleep all day Where they hung the jerk that invented work

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this comin' fall In the Big Rock Candy Mountains"

Another depressing thing about this being people's heavens is that jails are still a thing. Even where hobos get their spiritual and physical needs met in abundance they're still at rick of getting arrested, getting dogs on them, and having to run from railway bulls just makes me feel that they've practically given up hope. Even their wildest dreams are where these things still exist and are still hostile to them, just in less painful ways. Granted I imagine if this song was about a more thought out hobo heaven where they aren't hobos but rather get all their needs met without any struggle the song would be less fun, but still. The other lines are also about the absence of pain without much else, there are no weapons for which to hurt or kill them. Finally, the hung that they hung the jerk that invented work also suggests that their violent tendencies aren't at all medicated by the other pleasant factors. It's only natural, after all, to internalize your suffering to the point that you can only imagine less painful versions of it.

-TJ

#hobo #big rock candy mountain #song #folk song #folk #folk music #homeless #great depression #united states #pessimism #entropy