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[empress-j-blog]

If you're black reblog this

I want to follow more black people who are beautiful, woke, and funny. You reblog this and I follow you.

[empress-j-blog]

Experiencing depression is not anything new to me. I’m very much familiar with the symptoms of it. It’s on and off for me. Some days, I may feel happy and other days, I just don’t feel like dealing with this world. Factors that could play a role in it are hormones, stress from school, personal life, etc. I hate school. It drains my energy a lot. A lot of times I just feel like it’s total bs and what’s the point of even being there? I mean a lot of the things that they teach is crap anyway. It’s weird because sometimes I might feel depressed and can’t really identify the exact cause of why I am feeling that way. A lot of times, I might feel depressed and still be able to function normally. There were many times where I have had suicidal thoughts. There was always just some voice in the back of my mind that would keep me from actually following through with it. I have a habit of keeping a lot of things to myself. What’s the point of expressing myself to anyone? “I don’t see what could possibly be bothering you. You go to a great school, have good grades,and you live in a good home.” “O, you are probably over exaggerating. Stop talking that depression nonsense.” So many people will act like they know your own life more than you do. When really, they don’t. Some people may just act like they care but are really just nosy and want to know everything. I always had insecurity issues. Never thought I was pretty enough, my hair was long enough, that I had a good body, that I was smart enough,etc. I remember the one thing that I use to hope and pray for was to have lighter skin. “Maybe if I have lighter skin, I would be considered prettier to people”, is what I use to think. I always wanted approval from other people. Peers play a big part in a kid’s life so I guess I wanted to feel acceptance from people that probably didn’t even care about me anyway. I probably would mistake them using me as them showing me love. I guess I just wanted to hear my dad tell me that I was beautiful and not have to hear it from some boy, questioning if he even really meant it or not. I tend to compare myself to people a lot. Sometimes I fail to realize that everyone has their struggles and that what may appear great on the outside may not always be the same on the inside. I’m an introvert, so I value being alone. I don’t need a surplus of friends. Having a few people that genuinely care about me and that I can have a decent converstation with is all I can really ask for. The depression that my people go though is something that is usually ignored. I know many black people that will easily push something as serious as depression to the side. Why wouldn’t we be depressed? When we endured centuries of forced division, beatings, castrations, rape, killings, stealing of or our land,culture, language, identity, religion,etc. Not only that, but after slavery was “abolished”, we still had to deal with our leaders being assasinated, lynching our people, injecting our people with syphilis, giving black children false teachings in school, giving us poisonous vaccines, killing our black men and women, harvesting our organs, police brutality, still mentally enslaving us, etc. And they wonder why we’re sick.Yes, the depression and trauma that we face as black people are apart of what we had to endure during slavery and what we CONTINUE to endure . A lot of us just don’t realize that it was really just embedded into our genes. I mean, how do you expect a people to endure all of this and just be able to fuction normally? We don’t just act the way that we act for no apparent reason. We have been fooled to believe that what’s unnatural is completely normal for us. I think about this all the time but I keep how i feel to myself because I know a lot of my people wouldn’t care to think deeper when it comes to topics like this. I try my best not to blame them though. I know that we are all just under mind control. How can the same people who oppressed us and are apart of the reason why black people demonstrate social ills towards each other everyday, be the same people that will help us? We need to come to the realization that we have problems, work towards fixing them, and even if we are looking for help, that we help each other in situations like this. I just felt like sharing my own experience.