emotionallyabuseddaughter

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

Revolutionary parenting hack:

If your child is in the middle of some activity and clearly enjoying it (and wasn’t supposed to be doing something else instead), DO NOT interrupt them and have them do chores that will “only take 5 minutes or so!”

You haven’t asked them to do anything before they got out the Legos, started reading a chapter of their book or painting the complicated picture, or began playing their video game.

As a result of being repeatedly interrupted, they will learn that their presence in public space of the household=availability to do chores, so they will make themselves scarce so you can’t find them and order them around. They will also become suspicious of your efforts to engage with them as they play, as they’ve learned that these pleasantries are a prelude to “Take out the trash”, or “move your boots and vacuum the entryway, there’s dirt everywhere ”.

“But I need my children to help me around the house!”, I hear you cry. I understand. Children should not be treated like royalty and left to their own devices 24/7.

An alternative is to give the kids a clearly delineated chore chart and stick to it, resisting the urge to add anything to it. There are some chores that are easier and quicker with two people, though. A (in my opinion) even better option is to divide the child’s day into “on-duty” and “off-duty ” time. When they’re on-duty, you can interrupt them as before, but you have *consulted with your child beforehand * and they understand that during this time they can relax, but they must be ready to jump in and lend a hand.

That way they won’t start trying to level up in their video game or break out the clay and make stuff. When they are off-duty, you leave them alone and their only responsibilities are to clean up whatever mess they make at the end of this time.

Also, if they are tearing around the house or whining about being bored, don’t make them do chores so they will “have something to do”; this could make the child conflate extra chores with punishment for whining and make them reluctant to help out when you randomly tell them to at other times because they might think they’re being punished but they have NO IDEA WHAT THEY DID. And IMO children should see chores as things everyone has to do no matter what, not punishments.

I may seem unqualified to offer parenting advice as I have no kids, but I was talking with my dad today and he said: “I wish you didn’t hide from us in your room so much, but every time your mom walked by she’d give you a chore to do, so I can’t blame you for that.” A kid who hides in their room to play has an entirely different relationship to the family than the child who sprawls on the livingroom floor and excitedly describes the city they are building out of Legos.

And today, in times of Covid I play a complicated game of hide-and-seek with my mother as I try to do my online coding homework and apply for jobs. I am now attempting to turn my bedroom into my own tiny office because if I work in our home office, she’ll find me and go “I can’t attach this file to my email,” and so on.

Children *have* to obey their parents when they are young. But true respect and honoring collective responsibilities is stronger than forced obedience. If you demonstrate to your children that you respect them and their time, they will reciprocate.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

Yasmin

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

dam…….. that website “you feel like shit” (it’s like a questionnaire / troubleshooting guide for when you feel like shit) really works………………….. im not even all the way thru it and i even half-assed a lot of the suggestions and i already feel loads better

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

Insecure mothers need to stop projecting on their daughters.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

You can’t deserve a person’s love. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you, or they don’t. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for them to love you, because love isn’t something you earn by being good enough. It isn’t something that can be quantified or doled out. Don’t blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lives.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

If you are easily clouded or overwhelmed, try setting boundaries with yourself first. Be okay to sometimes say no to yourself: no I don’t need to watch this now, no I don’t need to stay up this late, no I don’t need to go to this place, no I don’t need to go out with these people. Say no for you. Saying no to something that doesn’t serve us is saying yes to what does. It allows for something even more amazing to come through for us.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

Affirmations for those who were silenced as children:

I am in an adult body now. I speak up for my inner child’s safety and well-being. I refuse to let anyone control or silence me. I deserve to speak my truth just as much as anyone else does. I refuse to speak to myself in ways that are cruel.

The way others have spoken to me in the past was a reflection of how they speak to themselves. I have the human right to protest unfair treatment. I have the human right to protest unfair criticism. I have a voice for a reason. I speak my truth freely and authentically. I refuse to own others’ projections. How others interpret/perceive what I say through their own filters is none of my business. My mouth is on my body and I use it in a way that honors the deepest parts of my being.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

ig: tobehonestnl

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

Bodies change and that’s okay

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

I just wanted to pop on here and remind people that just because the holidays are coming does NOT mean that you have to constantly be catering to other people's needs or wishes. Take this holiday season to care for yourself and your needs, because no one is more important than YOU ⛄️

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

this took me far too long to learn, so I’m going to tell you something that you need to internalise.

you don’t have to tell people anything you don’t want to tell them. it’s not rude or disrespectful to be private about things. you don’t owe anyone that information, so how could it be wrong to withhold it?

queer but don’t want to come out? don’t!

have a trauma disorder but don’t want to tell people what your trauma was? don’t!

disabled but don’t want to talk about it? that’s right, simply do not!

practice telling people to go away when they ask invasive questions.

the responses I’ve been using in particular are “that’s between me and my therapist/doctor”, and “why does it matter to you?”

you don’t need a “reason” to want to keep things to yourself. you don’t need to tell someone your entire history so that they can label you as “valid”.

don’t tell people information you don’t want to share.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

shit parents have no business telling to their kids:

I wish you were never born

Nobody will ever love you like we do

You’re lucky, other children have it worse

I should have beaten you more

You’re so incapable you will die out of stupidity

What can you do

You can’t do anything on your own

You’re so dumb you can’t get one thing done

You’ll never survive on your own

You will never amount to anything

You deserved this pain

You deserved even worse

You’re weak

Nobody cares what you want

Do you think I get what I want?

You’re useless

Why do we even keep you around

Why do we feed you

Who do you think paid for all this

You only take and take and give nothing back

When will you start paying off

also:

any kind of comparison to monsters, demons and pests

any kind of insults or slurs related to appearance, gender or sexual orientation

life-threats or violence-threats, even when they don’t sound serious

convincing children that their boundaries are a problem that needs to be gotten rid of

openly telling children everything that’s going on is their fault

if you feel the need to say these to your children, you obviously have no love or care for them. You think your children should suffer and you see nothing wrong with hurting your own child. You’re a disgrace and a burden on your own child. Children deserve better than this. They deserve parents who love them and protect them from pain. Why would you inflict pain on your own child. You are abusive monsters. If a child is suffering because of you, there’s nothing good about your existence.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]