dumdumkid

[dumdumkid]

I just realized it's me and my MO against the world even when I'm super drunk, and idk what to do with this information

[dumdumkid]

[dumdumkid]

Day 3 of not having Instagram is killing me why is this like withdrawal smh

[dumdumkid]

Being on my period not only makes my skin break out but also makes me cry over stupid things such as an underfitting model that my poor baby cannot capture pattern in training data hence doesn't test well :(

#machine learning #periods #just girly things #computer science #machinelearning

[dumdumkid]

My lover is sweet

I’m gonna write a sonnet about them

On god

[dumdumkid]

some daggers to add to your profile in honour of the season

o()xxx[{:::::::::::::::>

<:::::::::::::::}]xxx()o

[dumdumkid]

April Fools day here is always funny because my dash is full of “here’s a Rick roll but it’s actually a different song” “here’s ‘do you love the color of the sky’ just kidding! It’s not the full long post!” “Here’s a drawing I made of a kitty! Just kidding! It’s two kitties and they’re best friends” and we do this unironically and completely ignoring the blood lust we all experience every year just two weeks prior

[dumdumkid]

Its at 23 you realize what kind of manipulative narcissistic bitch you are

#23

[dumdumkid]

When Amitabh Bachchan said, "tumse milna purani dilli mein, teri meri kahani dilli me", Saif Ali Khan said, " tu na badli main na badla, dilli saari dekh badal gayi" and Benny Dayal said, "Yeh dilli hai mere yaar, bass ishq, mohabbat, pyar".

[dumdumkid]

This is literally me after moving to the US

This past friday fall officially started. Want to know how I know? My nose. And not in a 'I smell snow' lorelai gilmore kind of way. I mean b that I can barely breath because my stupid nose is stuffed. Every year. Never fails.

[dumdumkid]

Life currently giving "Someday, I'll be living in a big old city, And all you're ever gonna be is mean", "This is a big world, that was a small town", "Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours", "It's coming back around", "Nobody's heard from me from months, I'm doing better than I ever was", "Karma's a relaxing thought" kinda vibe

#taylor swift #aesthetic #intj #light acamedia #desi tag #desi academia

[dumdumkid]

personally if i was a thirty year old woman and every time my relationship status changed there were articles chronicling all my boyfriends dating back to high school i would have committed several felonies, so i think taylor has shown unparalleled levels of restraint

[dumdumkid]

It's hilarious when people are like "taylor swift's songs are engineered to be as generically relatable as possible" because then you actually listen to the songs in question and she's just like

"I am a SELF-DESTRUCTIVE MONSTER who ruins everything I touch, I MANIPULATED everyone into liking me, my potential has been WASTED due to circumstances of MY OWN CREATION, I go back to an EMPTY HOUSE because everyone in my life has moved on, I am a BLEEDING OPEN WOUND, all my kindness is really just NARCISSISM IN DISGUISE, I will BREAK MYSELF FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I STARVED MYSELF in order to be saved by an idealised romance, I can go ANYWHERE except for THE PLACE I CALLED HOME, I will SPIRAL UNCONTROLLABLY if left to my own devices, I AM THE INSTRUMENT OF MY OWN DESTRUCTION, THIS WAS INEVITABLE"

[dumdumkid]

I want to go swimming in Hozier's albums. I want to lay on them like a bed and cocoon myself inside them. I want to eat them like a huge slice of pie. I want to immerse myself in them like a bath, feeling the hot and cold all become one sensation. I want to walk barefoot in the grass and become a face in a roiling crowd. I want to talk with them like an old mentor.

I want to jump off a pier with Florence Welch's albums. I want to sketch in a cathedral with them. I want to wittle and draw and smith with them. I want to sneak onto the rooftop of an old church and scream out over the city. I want to run through rotting hallways that used to connect apartments and feel every family and bachelor and new couple that used to live there, and let a bird go from the window.

I want to fall in love with Taylor Swift's albums. I want to sit in a cafe with them, laugh with them, walk through a new city with them and make it feel like home. I will make a thousand new places mine with them. I want to remember that I used to be a child and she isn't gone, just forgotten, and look for her hand in hand with Taylor's albums.

I want to drive through the dark with Lorde's albums. I want to pass by clubs and gas stations with the same neon lights. They're not so different. I want to remember my old friends and feel them gripping my ribs to dig their way out of my chest. I want to make orange juice and feel it drip down my chin, sticky and sweet.

I want to learn to enjoy the winter with Mitski's albums. I want to pet a large docile creature and remember it could kill me with a misplaced kick. I want to drink strong tea with her albums and miss my parents even when I am in their arms and think about how all classrooms and museums and dormitories all smell the same. I want to break a pearl necklace and watch all the cheap plastic pearls roll all over the floor.

[dumdumkid]

I hate that its relatable and hate that the only place i can express it is an anonymous blog

it's hard to explain because inevitably you sound like an asshole, but some people are allowed to lose their temper, lose their mind - you're not, though.

when your friend never texts you first and misses your birthday and never makes an effort; you don't mind. you know she's struggling, and you want her to get the help that she deserves. you give her every excuse and every chance.

it shouldn't matter to you so much that people are always coming through for her. you want her to be happy, you love it for her. you love that her community rises up to the occasion. why does it bother you that when she snaps at someone, says horrible mean things - but two hours later, everyone is comforting her while she's crying. you know she's stressed. why do you kind of hate that she is welcomed back to her job, that her parents are endlessly wiring her money.

and you're - fuck, are you envious?

but when you don't text back, someone sits you down and says i know you're struggling, but you're being a bad friend. when you're too numb to show up for work, your boss just shakes his head. i'm sorry. i can't approve more time off. we have the company to protect. when you finally snap back at your family for making that shitty comment again, you're forced to apologize for being too sensitive.

god forbid you need something. people aren't used to you being the one asking. you're the giver like the book you hated; your pages all open and rumpled. you always have the answer, always have the solution. you are reliable, trustworthy. people like you don't struggle with things. you're supposed to be lifted by tragedy. you are given a maximum of 24 hours to grieve, and then you need to just behave at the party.

you can't read the giving tree without feeling like crying, and even that feels like it's too much emotion. like, nobody looks at you and assumes you're the tree; they'd name five other people before even considering you in the running. you're just there, never-asking.

your friend gets to say mean shit, that's just her personality. when you make a snide comment, you're just being petty. people laugh when your friend stands you up for another event; they say she's just like that. you were 5 minutes late to a meeting with friends and they were mad about it for the rest of the evening. your friend sets everything on fire; everyone applauds her through the ashes. you so much as light a candle: and suddenly now you're an arsonist.

you don't want your friend to suffer, though. the thing is that you just wish that the empathy and kindness your friend gets - you wish you had that option, that everyone offered you grace and money and a gentle reception.

the other day you were fighting down the bad urge; the void call, the end note. you tried-anyway. you went to the family event, tried laughing at the right moments. nodded and smiled and all of it. one of your siblings threw a fit, but she's allowed to, so everyone just rolled their eyes about it. you took 3 whole minutes to stand outside when you got overwhelmed. you literally set a timer about it.

in the morning you woke up to a text from your parents: you were a complete disgrace last night. idk what your attitude problem is, but you really need to fix it.

[dumdumkid]

This could be my last report from Gaza by Tareq S. Hajjaj. Please read.

[dumdumkid]