dudeitsdjay - Tumblr blog

dudeitsdjay

i'll be here between high and low tide.

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dudeitsdjay · 2 years

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dudeitsdjay · 3 years

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i knew our time would be cut short, so i savored every moment.

i listened to your heart and committed the rhythm to memory when i laid on your chest. i know the exact shade of your skin- how it smells, how it feels. the flecks of gray in your symmetrically trimmed beard. the feeling of you on my lips, and the taste of your tongue. the definition in your upper arms, to your shoulders, up into your neck.

i never expected to fall in love with you, but it reminded me how to feel alive after being trapped in a box for so long. you showed me that i am capable of vulnerability… and unfortunately dishonesty.

i may have just been entertainment for you, but you were everything to me.

three months is all it took. and no matter the heart break, i wouldn’t trade those three months for the world. you say it’s because i’m young, because you’re broken, because i could never understand. the desperation in me says, “well i’ll grow up, i’ll fix you, teach me”, but the logic in me says “maybe you’re right”.

you say i need to find someone younger, in their prime. call it daddy issues, call it whatever you want- but i want a seasoned man, with age, and experience, and knowledge, and wisdom. is it because i want someone who can see my mistakes before i make them and save me? is it because i feel the need to be taken care of, and be held, and made to feel like a small bird with fragile wings by a man who says he loves me? because i’ve never had that before? how much of this is psychology, and how much of it is you? how much of this is astrology, and how much of it is me?

we had an expiration date from the beginning, and we both knew. we joked about it. you told me to not fall in love with you. a part of me thinks i should’ve listened, but the other part knows there’s a valuable lesson in loving someone, letting your guard down, and no matter all the adversity- choosing to see the good. choosing love.

you said “we were never forever. that was never us” and i know you’re right, but how i wish you were wrong. we would’ve been destructive. i would’ve been isolated. you have so many demons, but i have rose colored glasses.

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dudeitsdjay · 4 years

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