If You Only Knew | Aaron Hotchner
My One and Only prequel
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x bau female reader
Summary: Broken hearts find each other and in the process, they mend each other.
Word count: 10.7k
Tags/warnings: season 10 Hotch <3; cheating (on reader); food and alcohol consumption; Hotch has a soft spot for reader<3; lazy case talk whoops; canon typical violence; one bed trope; smut: unprotected and dirty office sex (p in v); secret relationship; stolen glances and kisses in forbidden places!!1!
Authorâs note: I donât usually do second parts mostly because I wrap up the story in a single one shot, but while writing the first fic I had this prequel in mind because oh boy, they have HISTORY (which is why it ended up being longer than My One and Only). Both can be read as a stand alone. First fic was based on Dress by miss T. Swift, and this one is like a mash up of every Taylorâs ovulation songs (I listened to this playlist a lot while writing this) đââď¸ Call It What You Want x I Can See You being the main inspo. Or were the songs inspired by them???đ§ itâs just so sexy sexy. Anyway, hope you enjoy!!!!
MASTERLIST
There used to be an engagement ring on your right hand.Â
A bright but simple ring that from the moment it was given to you, had you hopeful about your future. That future had always been uncertain. You rarely pictured yourself more than two years ahead, to begin withâfor many reasons, neither worth mentioningâbut no matter how long your future was, you were sure it was going to be just as bright as your ring.Â
And how wrong you wereâŚ
It hadnât been more than two months since your fiancĂŠ promised you the world when you caught him in a lie. Youâd let it slip away, fidgeting your ring as a reminder that he was the one.Â
If you hadnât ignored the signs, you wouldâve saved yourself from getting your heart ripped out.Â
He cheated, and even worse, you caught him in the act, with another woman in your own bed. You stormed out leaving every door open. Zac came running behind you, yelling your name, but you didnât stop. You ripped the engagement ring off your finger and threw it at him without looking back. That clink of the band bouncing on the pavement was so faint compared to the sound of your castle crumbling, and your prince kept yelling at you to come back.
You didnât. You got in your car and drove off aimlessly.Â
Youâd been driving around the city blasting music since then, and yelling the lyrics hoping youâd go numb. You didnât, but at least you had some clarity.Â
You had nowhere to be. There was no home anymore, no bed to sleep on, and no arms to run to. The place you used to call home now was stained with lies and haunted by another woman.Â
The only place that could shelter you for the night was the BAU. At the end of the day, that was your home. You spent most of your days there with the people you worked with. People who would take a bullet for you. They were your familyâDerek being the one you loved the mostâbut you couldnât run to him or any of them right now. The wound was too fresh and letting them see you like this would be disappointing and just⌠sad. Theyâve always known you as a tough and reasonable woman. How were you supposed to tell them you werenât that smart now that your entire relationship crumbled?
You parked at your usual spot and searched for your emergency go bag in the backseat. It was always stocked with everything you needed for at least a week. You werenât planning on staying at the BAU for an entire week, of course, but also, you never knew. Your ex was capable of lighting your house on fire just to get rid of any evidence of his betrayal so for now, that bag was all you had.Â
You took a deep breath and made your way inside the building. You walked through security as you always did and smiled at the night guard. It was Rick, the oldest of them all but you felt the safest when he was at the door.
âWhat brings you here at this hour, young lady?â Rick adjusted his ivy cap.Â
It was past three in the morning.Â
âPiled up paperwork,â you merely said.Â
And he didnât question you. âOh, sure,â he answered politely with his old, raspy voice. Â
You smiled at him and made your way to the elevator, pushing the number six as you always did. You kicked the bag with your knee until the doors dinged open.Â
Not a single soul received you.
You walked past the glass doors and reached your desk, looking up at Hotchâs office that was right across. He had a couch there that you could use as your bed for a few hours. Everyone has slept there at least onceâ for whatever reasonâand now it was your turn. You marched up the short stairs and paused. You knew his office remained unlocked (he once said that heâd lost the key, but deep down you knew he left it open in case anyone needed somewhere to crash for the night).Â
You knocked, just in case, and once there was no answer, you twisted the knob. His perfume was faint in the airâsoft and woodyâso it was easy to assume heâd left not long ago. You closed the door behind you and walked to the couch, leaving your bag there and turning the lamp on.Â
The dim light triggered the memories of the moment that tore you apart hours earlier: Another woman riding your fiancĂŠ. They even dared to light up romantic candles.Â
Your fucking candles.
âSon of a bitch,â you muttered.
You couldnât help but laugh a little. You wasted three years of your life and now with a cool head, you realized it was in your hands how you handled it. It could either be the best thing that's happened to you or you could let it drag you down.Â
Right then, you decided the first option was the only one. You stood there, both hands on your hips, your chin up and took a deep breath, filling your lungs with air until your chest swelled.Â
This was going to be the only night youâd let yourself mourn your relationship. No tears. Just you and a glass of scotch. It wasnât your drink of choice but it was all Hotch kept in his office and you knew exactly where he kept the bottle (right under his espresso machine GarcĂa had gotten him for his birthday a couple of years ago). You crouched down and opened the little cabinet. The bottle was almost full and you wondered if it was brand new or if he rarely drank. You shrugged it off. You poured yourself some and began pacing around his office.
Youâve been here a million times and youâd never paid much attention to all the things he had. There were quite a few awards granted by the bureau displayed on the wall behind his desk; a bunch of books, too. You ran your fingers through them as you walked from end to end. He had a picture of Jack and Haley over his desk and you looked around, searching for a picture of Beth. Your eye landed on her contagious smile, over the little table by his couch. You walked there to get a better look at the picture. She was looking at the camera and he was looking at her. Youâd met her a few times and it was nice seeing Hotch in love again. After Haley, everyone thought heâd refuse to let someone in again, but when love knocks on your door thereâs not much you can do.Â
You sighed deeply and placed your empty glass in front of the picture. The alcohol was making you sleepy so you made yourself comfortable. You went to brush your teeth, put on your pajamas and fuzzy socks, made a blanket out of your blazer, and used your folded pants as a pillow.
You rubbed your feet together. It wasnât a cold night, but you wished you didnât have to spend it alone.Â
The constant sound of a pen scraping on paper gradually woke you up.
Shit.Â
You meant to sleep only a few hours and have Hotchâs office as it was before he got here; pretend youâd gotten there earlier than everyone. You mustâve slept through your alarm.Â
You slowly squinted your eyes open and caught Hotch sitting at his desk, brows low in deep thought.
How long has he been there?
âHotch.â You rubbed your eyes and sat upright. âHi. Sorry, Iâ What time is it?â
âEight-thirty,â he answered, never taking his eyes off the file.
So you didnât sleep through your alarm.Â
âWhen did you get here? I didnât hear you.â
âA few minutes ago.â He put the pen down and lifted his head to look at you. His face softened.Â
He didnât seem upset about you invading his office but you still felt the need to explain yourself. âI, uh, stayed until late last night and I was too sleepy to drive andââ You realized mid-sentence how bad you were lying.
But he let you.Â
âItâs not a problem, you can always sleep here. As long as itâs not already taken.â He stared at you for a moment, rubbing his thumb with the rest of his fingers. You wondered how bad you looked. How bad everything seemed. âIt has a foldable seat,â was all he said, gesturing at the couch. âThereâs a blanket under it.â
âOh, thanks. It wasnât that cold.â You braced yourself.Â
It was cold now.
âYou can sleep for another hour,â he added.Â
âWe donât have a case?âÂ
âNo.â He glanced at the open door and then back at you. âNot yet anyway.â
Then why was he here so early?
You smiled at him and began to gather your things anyway. âThank you, but I still should go. Iâm⌠invading your space.â
âOh, please. Donât worry about it,â he said before going back to work on his paper.Â
Even if he didnât mind you sleeping there while he worked, you did. You stood up, stretched your neck a bit, and began to fold all of your clothes, putting them back in your bag.Â
You felt his eyes on you every once in a while and just when you grabbed the evidence of your late nightâthe empty glass of scotchâhe asked, âIs everything alright?â
You looked at him. There was that soft look again.
âYeah, I justâŚâ you trailed off, fidgeting with your now invisible ring. âYeah, Iâm okay.â
He didnât have to say anything. He knew. You knew he knew just by that look he gave you. Wise. Emphatic. The âIâve been there beforeâ look.Â
He opened his mouth to add something, but his phone buzzed on the table, making him tear his eyes off you. He sighed as his brows lowered.
âNow we have a case?â You asked and he nodded. âIâll put on some work-appropriate clothes, then.â You looked down at your pajamas.
âTake your time. Weâll meet in thirty.â
The jet took off and the clouds were never-ending.Â
Two women had been abducted (and murdered) already in Fort Myers before you were invited to investigate. Victimology and M.O. were discussed and you barely said a thing. Your mind kept wandering off to the night before and how miserable you felt. The phantom of betrayal was still heavy on your shoulders.Â
Hotch sat next to you during the three-hour flight, and the only thing he said to you that wasnât work-related was: âWould you like some coffeeâ, to which you gladly accepted. His eyes, though, kept asking if you were okay.Â
Minutes before the jet touched the ground, your phone caught some signal and began to buzz uncontrollably against the table. You already knew who it was so you didnât bother to glance at the screen, you just sighed in annoyance and put your phone in your pocket. You felt Hotchâs eyes on you again and you tried your best to ignore him.
Right now, he was your boss, not your friend.Â
The moment the jet doors opened, the dense, humid air stuck to your skin. Everyone groaned in annoyance.
âUgh, I hate Florida,â Emily commented.Â
You didnât mind it. You needed a bit of heat and sun, hoping theyâd woosh away the gray cloud over your head.
Hotch assigned everyoneâs tasks for the day and partnered you up with Morgan to interview the victimsâ families. Smart move. It was known that Morgan was your person inside the team, and even if he didnât know about your heartbreak right now, heâd surely find out soon after spending the day with you. Thatâs what Hotch wanted. For you to have someone to talk to if you wanted.
You wouldâve preferred to be out in the field instead of inside an office, that way youâd have more distractions. Right now, as you talked to one of the victimâs husbands, your only distraction was your phone. Your ex started to call you again and spam-texting you. He was getting on your nerves and you couldnât quite focus on your job. The one that you considered was your forteâwhen it came to good people.Â
These men werenât good people. They were exactly like your ex.Â
And they got on your nerves.Â
Morgan shot you a frown as he walked the last person out of the office, âWhatâs going on with you? You almost punched the guy.â He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.
âI wouldâve if you hadnât caught me.â You rolled your eyes.Â
âIâm being dead serious, whatâs going on with you?â
âHe called his dead wife a whore, Morgan.â
âIâm not just talking about this. All morning youâve been acting weird.â
There was his big brother attitude.
You sighed, shaking your head. You couldnât not tell him. So you told him. Some of it. âZac and I are fighting. He keeps calling but Iâm not gonna answer yet. Heâs gonna have to wait until Iâm back.â
âWhat did he do?â He asked, brows shooting up with concern.Â
You walked to the small coffee station the sheriff had set up for the team. âWeâre just fighting.â You poured yourself some coffee. You couldnât tell him everything. He was friends with Zacâand a really good one.Â
âI donât buy that,â Morgan insisted. âI know what your fights look like. This isnât a fight over how he didnât do the dishes.â
You hated how well he knew you. You and Zac. It was sad to think there wouldnât be any more double dates with him and Savannah.Â
âI donât want to talk about it yet,â you merely said.
Morgan let out a huff and glared at you in silence. âAlright.âÂ
He respected you and didnât bug you any more about it. And neither did Zac, thankfully. The messages and phone calls stopped but even then, you couldnât get your mind off whatever he wanted to say.Â
The day went by painfully slowly. Not many leads were found and the unsub seemed to have gone dormant, which meant the investigation was done for the day.Â
Hotch, JJ, and Rossi were still finishing up a few things with the sheriff, and you decided to wait for them outside, sitting on the sidewalk. There was a dinner reservation at the hotel at nine. It was thirteen past nine and youâd been running on five cups of coffee.Â
Your stomach rumbled.Â
Steps came from behind. Morgan silently sat next to you and handed you a protein bar. He sat close, his arm touching yours. âZac called me.âÂ
âGood for him.â You didnât bother to look at him. Instead, you began to pick your nails. You werenât hungry anymore.Â
âAnd he told me.â Derek placed one hand over yours, stopping you from destroying your nails.Â
You shot him a look. âWhat did he tell you?â You asked because you didnât think Zac would rat himself out to Morgan.Â
âIâm on your side,â he said. âHeâs my friend, but youâre my sister. Heâs dead to me now.â He quirked his brows.Â
âWhat did he tell you, Morgan?â
âThat you caught him cheating.âÂ
The disappointment on his face was as clear as the night sky. Â
You tore your eyes off him and sighed.
âI was so stupid.â You rubbed your forehead. âI caught him in lies multiple times and I brushed them all off. Like a part of me wanted that to happen,â you confessed.Â
âWhat do you mean? That you didnât want to marry him?â
âI⌠I donât know.â You looked back at Derek. Now that the truth was out you needed to talk about it. Maybe that way you could realize it was all your fault. âI loved him, and he was a great guy but at some point, after the engagement and before the lies, I stopped seeing a future with him. So I guess itâs my fauââ
âNuh-uh.â Derek interrupted you, placing a finger over your lips. âHe did this,â then booped your nose.Â
You couldn't help but smile. âYeah but I stopped being⌠a girlfriend to him,â you explained, moving your hands around to make your point. âI came home late, heâd wait for me with dinner but I just⌠stopped seeing him.â You sighed. It really was your fault to some extent now that you talked about it. âHe sought the attention I stopped giving him on someone else. I donât want to be like that. I donât want⌠to be the person who just works and canât balance it with personal life.â
âItâs tough.âÂ
âYeah, but you seem to make it work with Savannah.â You nudged his arm.
They had the kind of love you aspired to have one day.
âIt took us a while, but we made it work. Still do. Itâs a good thing she also has a time-consuming job. She just gets it. But it takes a lot of effort from both parties.â
You nodded in agreement. âZac and I are over. This isnât something we can talk about and get through and forget or forgive. He betrayed me.âÂ
Derek hung one arm over your shoulder and kissed your temple. âI know.â
âAt least I donât have to plan a wedding anymore. It seems exhausting.â
âOh, believe me, it is.â
You gasped and pulled away to look at him. He had a grin on his face now. Thatâs what you needed. A smile from him even if it made you forget for just a moment. âWhat? What does that mean? Did you propose?!âÂ
âWhoa, whoa.â Emily came from behind and joined the conversation right away, standing in front of you. âWhoâs proposing?â
âMorgan,â you were quick to respond. Anything to avoid anyone else knowing youâd been cheated on.
âShhh!â He stood up, signaling you both to shut up with a finger over his lips and looking around to make sure no one else heard. âIâm planning to, alright. Don'tâŚ. Freak out. She can say no.â
âSheâd be silly to say no,â Emily laughed a little. âAre you kidding?â
âYouâre already planning the wedding,â you laughed too while standing up. âDonât pretend you expect her to say no.â
âOf course, sheâs gonna say yes.â Derek grinned. âIâm just playinâ.â
On the way to the hotel, the team split into two SUVs and Hotch kept glancing at you through the rearview mirror at every red light and stop sign, with that know-it-all look, a pinch of concern. He was worried about you (and soon to be pissed for the stunt you pulled earlier).Â
You got a triple room with Emily and JJ and you didnât give them a chance to make any conversation with them since dinner was canceled. You threw your bag over your bed and headed to the rooftop. You figured itâd be the only place none of the team would be. You needed fresh air, and you felt ready to talk to Zac. You reached the rooftop and pulled out your phone. Just the thought of hearing his voice tightened your throat. But you had to. You needed to know what he had to say.
You dialed his number and some agonizing butterflies still managed to flap their wings at the pit of your stomach with that first âheyâ on the other line. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your only witness was the moon hanging above and she wouldnât judge you, so you finally allowed yourself to feel it.
His voice was a stab to your heart and a soft sob got caged in your throat. He said he was sorry, that he missed you, that he loved you. That you will always be the love of his life and that he knew heâd lost you. You muffled your sobs against your hand and once he was done talking, all you could reply was âokayâ.Â
Then you hung up.
âDamn it.â You let your phone slip through your fingers to cover your eyes with one hand while you braced yourself with the other arm.Â
You stood thereâfor who knows how longâuntil a pair of unfamiliar arms enveloped you from the front. Their scent, though, was like homeâfaint and woody bathing you whole. You nestled against their chest and it only made you cry even more.Â
âShh. Itâs okay.âÂ
Hotchâs voice snapped the knife out of your chest and he wasnât about to let you bleed out. With one hand he caressed the back of your head, giving you soft scratches. The other rubbed your upper back with short and tender strokes. You werenât planning on crumbling and you surely didnât expect Hotch to be the one comforting you, but it felt right. You needed a hug and a gentle voice telling you it was okay to feel like this.Â
Your entire relationship flashed before your eyes. You were mourning its death, after all., and there was no going back from it. You wouldnât do that to yourself and had to accept that his laugh would eventually fade away from your memory and his eyes would no longer shine because of youâthey havenât for a while.
You peeled yourself from Hotchâs chest and noticed how his shirt was damp with your tears.
âSorry, Iââ you sniffed; looked up at him.
His soft eyes scanned your face for a moment. âDo you want to talk about it?â they asked, a sweet frown taking over his face.Â
âYou look like you need a drink,â he said instead.
You chuckled, nodding, even when the after-crying headache was creeping up on you. You wouldâve taken the elevator to the first floor, but Hotch guided you through the staircase.Â
âWere you up there when I got there?â you asked him.Â
âNo, I went there to clear my head and⌠found you standing there.â
After all these years working with him, he was still the hardest to read. âIs something bugging you?â you asked him.Â
âNo.â
Okay, then. You understood it wasnât something he wanted to talk about (with you).Â
You reached the first floor and headed to the bar. It wasnât crowded, and Rossi was already there. You two joined him, each at either side of him.
âAh, FBI agents,â Rossi told the bartender, taking a sip of his drink. âYouâre not gonna interrogate me, are you?â he then asked you two.
âI donât know. Should we?â Hotch asked with a tint of humor.
âYou should interrogate her.â He gestured at you by twitching his mouth in your direction. âI heard she almost punched one of the victimâs husbands.â
âThanks, Rossi.â You glared at him, and he couldnât have cared less.Â
âIs that true?â Hotch asked you, leaning a bit forward to glance at you over Rossi, even when the wall in front of you was a whole mirror.Â
âGoodnight, kid.â Rossi slid off his stool. âNight Hotch. Keep an eye on her.â
âGreat.â You glared at him again. âJust throw the grenade and run away.â He just laughed and waved a dismissive hand. He had clearly had quite a few drinks so you couldnât blame him much.
âIs that true?â Hotch asked again.
âHe was a jerk,â you responded, sipping on your drink.Â
âThat has nothing to do with it. Jerk or not, you canât be acting like that.â His frown grew strong but his voice remained as soft as when he was comforting you moments earlier.Â
âHe cheated on her, Hotch.â You shot him a look through the mirror. âThatâs why she went out and got abducted. Murdered.â
âI understand that, but we push our feelings aside, you know that.â
âI know.â You pinched the bridge of your nose. âJust⌠let it go, please. You know I wonât do it again.â
âOf course you wonât.â He took a short sip of his drink and looked forward, making eye contact with you through the mirror. âYouâd be off the case if you pull something like that again.âÂ
A light bulb lit up over your head right then.Â
âDo you think thatâs why the unsub is targeting the victims?â You grabbed his forearm with excitement. âBecause they got cheated on?â
You were right and your tragedy helped save the last woman the unsub had abducted. You wrapped up the case with a bittersweet taste.Â
On the flight home, Morgan sat next to you, and for some reason, you wished Hotch had sat there.
You searched for him on the jet and heâd chosen to sit farther back. You wanted to thank him for comforting you when he didnât have to, and as if heâd read your mindâ
Good job todayâHe textedâI know this was a particularly difficult case for you.
You lifted your head and caught him looking at you. You smiled at him as a response.
It was difficult, but it also helped you heal a little.Â
Morgan nudged your arm gently, gesturing for you to take your headphones off.Â
âHm?â you raised your brows.
âAre you planning on going home now?âÂ
You sighed. âI have to.â
âYou can stay with me for a few days. Savannah would be thrilled to have you over.â
âThank you but I think thatâd make me feel⌠small? I have to see him eventually. And Iâd rather get it over with soon.â You smiled at him. âAfter that conversation, though, Iâm not sure if Iâll have a place to stay so Iâll let you know if I need a place to crash for the night.â
âIâll be there, then.â
When you made it to your place, Zac was waiting for you with dinner. You wouldâve laughed, but you were too exhausted to even smile at him.Â
âIâm just here to get my things,â you said, walking past him to your room.
You smelled fresh paint on your way there, and you really laughed then. Heâd repainted the whole thing. Did he think changing the wall color would make you forget what happened there?Â
âItâs your favorite color.â Zac stood at the door.
âYouâre unbelievable.â You scoffed.
You threw all your belongings in two suitcases and left.Â
To never come back.
âYouâre getting discharged.â Hotch drew open the curtain of your cubicle.
âWhat? What about Morgan?â You sat upright, keeping the ice close to the bump on your head. Youâd been in a car crash in the middle of a prosecution. âIs he okay?â
âHeâs fine. He just dislocated his shoulder.â
âWell, the doctor said I canât fly, let alone drive.â You rolled your eyes. âSo whoâs driving me back to Quantico?â
âI am.â You couldnât help but let out a huff. âYeah, Iâm not excited about it either.â
âItâs seventeen hours, Hotch. You donât have to. Iâm sure I can take an overnight bus or something.â
âYouâre not taking any bus. You got a brain bleed. Someoneâs gotta be there if something happens.â He glared at you. âGather your things. Iâll bring the car. A nurse will walk you out.â
Your things were only your badge and gun. Everything else was still at the hotel, so you assumed you were going to make a stop there before hitting the road back to Quantico. Â
You were officially discharged by your doctor minutes later and youâd underestimated Hotchâs efficiency. Heâd already gone to the hotel to get your things. He even bought snacksâyour favorite snacks.Â
You reclined your seat and threw a blanket over you. Your head was much better but it still hurt despite you being high on painkillers.
âAre you cold? Do you want me to turn the heater on?â
âNot cold.â You assured him. You just wanted to make yourself cozy. âHotch, I donât know if Iâm gonna handle a seventeen-hour drive.â
âI know.â He gave you a quick glance. âI donât think I will either. Weâll make a stop if you need to. Just let me know.â
You dozed off and on during the first two hoursâyour eyes darting to Hotchâs firm hands on the steering wheelâuntil it started raining. Normally, you wouldâve been on high alert since you werenât a fan of driving when it rained, but it was Hotch who was driving. And he was a great driver.Â
The sound of the thick drops hitting the windshield turned out to be a perfect lullaby and helped you fall into a deep and cozy slumber. A dream began to take over your mind at some point but it didnât become one entirely.Â
Loud noises dragged you out of it.
You blinked your eyes open. You were parked on the side road, and the rain wasnât normal rain anymore. It was loud, hitting the rooftop like daggers. You feared it might fall through.Â
âAre those hailstones?â You adjusted the seat back straight.
âNot yet,â Hotch responded. âBut we canât keep driving like this. I can barely see past the hood. Itâs too dangerous.â
âIâm no weather expert but Iâm sure thereâs a storm coming.â
Hotch nodded in agreement. âWeâll have to make an emergency stop.â He pulled out his phone and typed something. âThereâs a motel 3 miles away. We can spend a few hours there until the storm passes.â
âYou just said itâs dangerous to keep driving.â
âItâs more dangerous to stay here or on the side of the road. Plus you need to rest. Itâs been a long drive already.âÂ
Long? You glanced at the clock on the radio.Â
âItâs been six hours already?!â Your eyes widened.
It didnât feel like it, though.
âYou snored half of it.â He teased, his soft dimples making their first appearance of the night.
âI did not,â you laughed a little.Â
You knew he was just kidding, but you clearly needed those hours of deep sleep. Your headache was much better now.
Hotch kept the blinkers on as he started driving again, slowly until the map on his phone signaled him to turn right.Â
There was a blue-light vacancy sign glitching.Â
âThis is it?â you asked. The place looked straight out of a horror film and the dark sky didnât help.
âYou stay here,â Hotch ordered. âIâll check if they have any rooms.â
You didnât disagree and locked the doors once he stepped out. Just in case.Â
Minutes later, your phone buzzed.
Thereâs only one room available, Hotch texted you.Â
Two beds? you texted back right away.
King, he replied.
Great. It was either sharing a bed with Hotch or staying in the car.
I donât mind if you donât, you texted. It shouldnât be that big of a deal. Then you added, weâll only be here a few hours until the rain stops, right?
Yes. Donât move. Iâll come get you, he replied.
You gathered your things within reach, as gently as possible so your brain wouldnât get all scrambled by sudden movements and unlocked the doors for Hotch.
He opened the door and ducked his head inside. âItâs the farthest room,â he raised his voice over the loud rain.
âThatâs fine,â you matched his tone. âLetâs make one trip. I can carry my things.â
âYou sure?â he frowned in an attempt to keep the rain out of his eyes.
âIâm fine. Donât worry.â You nodded and stepped out of the car.Â
Once you had your things and Hotch had his, he took the lead with you walking fast behind him with your head low. You both were already drenched so there was no point in running.Â
The room was better than what you expected. It welcomed you with warm air, one bed, a small desk facing the window, an old TV, and a bathroom. They even had a small station with a kettle and tea/coffee, and the heater was on
You stripped out some of your clothes right next to the heater and changed your muddy shoes for your slippers.Â
âDo you mind if I take the bathroom first?â You asked him.
âNot at all,â Hotch replied, ridding himself of some damp clothes.
You walked past him with your bag and locked yourself in the bathroom. You unlocked it right away. What if you passed out? It was going to be a quick shower to regulate your body temperature, but with a brain injury, you never knew.Â
You were in and out of it in less than ten minutes and Hotch had already changed his clothes to sweatpants and a white t-shirt. It was always so strange seeing him out of his suits.
âAre you hungry?â He asked, hanging his clothes on the improvised drying rack he made out of the single chair and desk and placing it close to the heater.Â
âA little.â You sat on the left side of the bed.
Hotch grabbed the snack bag and displayed what heâd bought over the bed. Along with your favorite snacks were some fruits and two instant noodle soups. The first time you pulled out one of those, Reid told you all about them and how they were some of the most cancerous foods there could be, but they were a guilty pleasure and you didnât eat them often.Â
âTake your pick,â he said. âIâll take a shower now.â
He was being a good caretaker to you and you trusted him so all you had to do today and tomorrow was obey him. You could shut your brain down when Hotch was around. Â
You turned the TV on to have some background noise and put on the news. The weather had been catastrophic already in some parts and they said it was going to last at least eight more hours. It was 8 pm so you didnât mind waiting all night for it to pass. It was a cozy room, after all.
You prepared yourself the instant soup and sat cross-legged on the bed. Your phone buzzed against the mattress.
Howâs your head? Morgan texted.
Better. Your shoulder?
I have a good doctor at home so Iâll be alright. Howâs the trip going?Â
The sky is falling here. We had to make a stop for the night.Â
Sharing a room with the boss? ;)Â
You didnât know why he would say that or why you would lie about your answer, but you lied.Â
Of course not! Weâre gonna wait for the rain to pass before hitting the road again.
You hit send right when Hotch came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.Â
You put the phone down. âThereâs still hot water in the kettle.â
You rarely saw him eat, and since all he bought were things you liked, you assumed he liked them too. He prepared his soup as well and sat on the other side of the bed.
âIt looks pretty bad.â He glanced at the TV.
âThey said itâs gonna last all night.â
Something was odd about him now. Maybe it was the fatigue of the trip that hit him after the shower. But he kept looking at his phone and putting it down. You saw him clench his jaw more than once.Â
âEverything okay?â You had to ask.
He gave you a look.Â
Everything was not okay.
He hesitated a moment, twisting the noodles with his fork but never taking a bite.Â
âBeth got a job offer in Hong Kong.â Oh. âAnd sheâs boarding the flight now.â Oh, no. âShe asked my opinion before taking the job offer.â He smiled, though it didnât reach his eyes. âOf course, I encouraged her to take it. Itâs a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.â
You didnât want him to regret his choice about encouraging herâshe put him between a rock and a hard placeâbut you had a string of questions about it. What if she asked for his opinion because she wanted to stay and settle, but needed him to say it? Â
âSo you let her go,â you said instead and he nodded. âHowâs Jack handling it?â
âShe talked to him, we took him to Orlando for the weekend and he understood it butââhe sighedââI know itâs been hard on him, too.â You couldnât imagine how his son was feeling. He was a kid and heâd lost someone, too. âBut we ended it on good terms.â He raised his brows.Â
âWhy did you offer to drive me home?â You asked. âYou could be there with her by now. At the airport.â
âWe said our goodbyes.â He shook his head and looked down. âIt wouldâve made it more painful.âÂ
You hummed in agreement. âThey say if you love someone, you let them go. If they come back, it means theyâre truly yours.â He looked at you. âShe could come back.â
His eyes were glassy. For some reason, you felt he was thinking about Haley, too. He was once again losing someone he lovedâby choice this time but losing her nonetheless.
âSorry,â he sort of laughed. âIâm talking about my heartbreak whenâŚâ
When you were recently heartbroken too.Â
âDonât worry about me. Iâmââ
âFine,â he finished your sentence. âOf course you are.âÂ
âIâm over it and I laugh about it now. I wasted three years of my life. My good years.â You chucked. âIt's funny now.â
âItâs not. And you still have a few more good years ahead of you?â He commented, confused.
You talked as if your youth was already over but you had a good reason. âYeah, but Iâm not gonna be as hot as I was when I met him.â He smirked. âHe went for a younger woman.â You then added.Â
âYounger?â He raised his brows.Â
âI know. I think thatâs why I feel old. But she was a 25-year-old trainee.â
âThatâs not much younger than you.âÂ
âYou flatter me.â You let out a small laugh. âI just⌠Why do men always go for the younger woman?â
He took a subtle deep breath. âIââ
âGenerally speaking,â you added. âMen who cheat go for a younger woman.â
âI donât know but Iâm sure Reid can give you all the statistics about it.â
âYeah,â you scoffed. âI donât wanna hear them.âÂ
You let out a yawn, and soon Hotch did too. You two agreed in silence it was time for bed already.
âItâs not cold in here so Iâll sleep over the bed covers,â he commented.
âHotch, you donât have to. I donât mind, honestly. Iâve shared beds with most of our team.â
âAlright,â he let out a small laugh, raising his brows.Â
The rain stopped around 5 am and within thirty minutes you both were up and ready to hit the road again. There were ten hours ahead of you and this time you didnât feel the need to sleep through it. You slept like a baby last night and also, talking to Hotch was really nice, and he seemed well-rested too.Â
You stopped for a quick breakfast two hours in and had it in the car to optimize time. Throughout the drive, there were talks about the landscapes and weather and heâd throw in some random stories about his brother, or Haley and Jack when something reminded him of them. Â
Your favorite was how he and Jack had a tradition whenever it rained: chocolate chip cookies. And how Jack had already decided that he was going to do the same with his kids one day.Â
And the more the clock ticked, the more you wished heâd slow down his speed (even when he was going just below the limit). You didnât want the trip to end, but it had to eventually.
Around 3 pm. Hotch was dropping you off at your place.
âItâs a nice neighborhood,â he commented. Only Derek had had the chance to visit your new place.
âIt is. Itâs mostly old people that live here so itâs very quiet all the time.â You smiled. Silence filled the air for a moment. You missed him already. âHey, I know weâre both exhausted but⌠would you like to come in? We can make some decent lunch.â
Hotch took a subtle deep breath. âI would. Iâd love to but⌠Jackâs waiting for me. I was supposed to arrive yesterday and he was excited to see me. I⌠Iâm picking him up at school after this.â
âOh, yeah, of course.â You gulped. Stupid.
Why did you feel nervous around him all of a sudden?
âMaybe some other time?â He asked.
Your stomach fluttered.Â
âDefinitely.â
Spencer was turning 33, and Penelope thought throwing him a surprise birthday party was a good idea. She asked everyone to show up earlier than usual to decorate a conference room. You were the first one to show, then one by one everyone arrived.Â
The only one you wanted to see walking through the door, though, wasnât the birthday boy. It was Hotch.Â
After the gloomy night at the motel, Hotch became a permanent thought. You didnât know if it was because he took such good care of you, or because he trusted you to tell you a personal thingâor bothâbut since that night, something changed.
Youâd always admired him, but this was more than that. Your cheeks grew warm whenever he looked at you. You started to feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. And you felt ridiculous. He was your boss, heâd been your boss for five years so why had your feelings changed?Â
The truth was, youâd always had certain feelings for him. Nothing ever happened before because you met him as a divorced man, who only had time for his kid and his job, so at the time, besides your boss, he was a nice face to look at (a very nice face). Then Haley's death came and he shut himself down, drowning himself in work. You started dating Zac soon after, then you didnât have eyes for Hotch anymore. He became who he was: your boss.Â
Now, that both were single, your true feelings for him were coming afloat. Of course, you didnât let them show; how your stomach fluttered at his sudden presence and constant glances. You insisted those were in your head, that heâd always looked at you the same amount or the same way, but when the attraction is reciprocated, thereâs a spark.Â
That spark almost lit up a fire in your chest when he finally showed up. The lights were off, but youâd recognize his silhouette anywhere, and he was walking up to you.
âHey,â he whispered, standing next to you.
âYouâre late,â you whispered back.
âIs Reid here?â
âNo, but we did all the work.â
âIâm⌠the boss for a reason.â
You held back a laugh. Thank god it was dark.
âShhh, there he comes!â Penelope whispered loudly.Â
Everyone moved to their assigned spot and your hand accidentally brushed his in the process. âSorry.â
Itâs okay, he whispered.Â
That accidental touch was the first of many not-so-accidental.
You tried to convince yourself it was all in your head, but he looked at you, paid attention, listened to every word you had to say. He saw right through you.Â
There werenât many moments outside work, though, and that confused you even more. You couldn't ask him to see each other casually. It wasnât something you or he did, and it made you wonder. You wondered. Always. Every day. Every hour. Every time you looked at him you wondered what was going through his mind.Â
Weeks went by where unspoken words were said. Your feet itched to go to his office every time you knew he was going to stay until late. To offer him some coffee, or ask him if he needed help with something but all you always ever did was turn in your reports and linger there for a second or two, hoping heâd ask you to stay.Â
And tonight was no exception. You had your excuse to stay late this time, though. A doctor's appointment forced you to clock in late, and for that, you had to stay to meet your weekly worked hours.Â
Everyone had left, even the janitors.Â
Everyone except for Hotch, of course.Â
You glanced at your watch when you finally finished your last report. It wasnât even an appropriate time to have dinner. You were dreaming of your bathtub and a glass of wine with some cheese.
You stacked your folders and adjusted your skirt before going to Hotch's office to hand them in. You knocked three times and waited for his Come in! to enter the room.Â
You walked in and he wasnât at his desk as he usually was. He was on his couch, with only the lamp lights on; heâd removed his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up right below his elbows.Â
âHey, I⌠I finished my reports.â
He looked at youâstared. You swore a faint smile was curling the corner of his lips. âToss them on my desk.â
You slowly walked in and did as he said. âAre you⌠leaving soon?â you clasped your hands behind you.
âI donât think so.â
âIs there⌠something I can help you with?â You gestured at the folder he was holding.
He paused for a second before replying, âYes, actually.â He scooted to give you space on the couch. âClose the door.â
You did as he said and sat next to him, but not quite close. He put the folder on the coffee table and spread all the documents, filling in every gap.
âChoose,â he said.Â
You laughed. âWhat?âÂ
âOur next case.â
âOh, Iâm not⌠I donât think Iâm qualified to do that, am I?â
âThereâs a reason Iâm asking you to choose.â He raised his brows to make his point.Â
Your eyes flickered between pictures and reports. Neither was worse than the other. âWell, itâs not like I can choose, right? You have to⌠study each one of these murders to decide which one has more priority. Which is⌠a bit twisted. As if one is less important than the other.â
âItâs hard.âÂ
âAnd you do it every time.â
Hotch nodded. âJJ used to do it when she was the liaison. Now she still does when I canât or ask her to since she has the right criteria, but itâs on me now.â He raised his brows as he spoke.Â
Your eyes were stuck on his lips, a sudden urge to kiss him brewing in your chest.Â
âI donât know how you do your job without breaking down sometimes,â you said. He smiled, scanning your face up and down. God, you really wanted to kiss him. âI mean your unit chief job.â You tore your eyes off him and adjusted yourself a bit farther on the couch. You had the perfect view of the side of his head. Â
Hotch leaned forward resting his elbows over his knees and lowered his head. âItâs⌠the one thing Iâm good at.â
âNot the only thing,â you let out a breathy laugh. He turned to you, raising his brows as if he were waiting for you to mention another thing he was good at. âYouâre a great dad, Hotch,â you said without hesitation.Â
âI,â he licked his lips. âI could be better.â
âWe all could be better at everything, doesnât mean weâre bad at it.â
Hotch sighed. âYouâre right.â
âYouâre also⌠good at sports?â
âStop.â He chuckled, lowering his head once again.Â
You rubbed his back by impulse, and you withdrew it right away as you felt him tense up. Your hand tingled at that brief contact and it burnt when he reached for it and enveloped it with his large hand. Your heart rate skyrocketed and all you could hear was your pulse in your ears (not that any of you was saying anything anymore).
He turned his head to you, adjusting farther back so his back would rest on the couch. Your shoulders touched now, and his hand was still on yours and this time, his thumb caressed your knuckles, and his eyes were stuck on your face.Â
The urge to kiss him was flush against your skin.Â
âYou should go home,â he said, swallowing thickly. âItâs late.â
âYeah,â you licked your lips. âI really should.â
He let go of your hand and with the same one, you caressed the side of his head where a few satly strands of hair were gloriously shining. You put the short pieces behind his ear and cradled his face. You held your breath. What the hell were you doing?Â
A pained frown took over his face and he shut his eyes for a second. You wanted to kiss the frown away so you leaned, kissing his cheek. He tilted his face until the tip of your nose was touching his.Â
His shaky breath ghosted your lips.Â
Would a kiss on the lips be so bad?
You were closing the gap before you thought about the answer. Your lips touchedâa soft peckâand there was barely a sound when you pulled away.
âIâm sorry Iââ You placed your fingers over your lips right away.
Hotch wasnât giving you any signs of anything at all and panic began to take over you.Â
God, what have you done?
Your name came out of his mouth in a whisper filled with longing. He was leaning closer. He studied your face from up close as he paused. His nostrils flared and he licked his bottom lip before going for a kiss. Just as tender as yours.Â
At first.
One of his hands found a spot on the side of your thigh while the other went to the back of your neck, bringing you closer and allowing the kiss to intensify. His chin scraped yours with his barely noticeable beard and his lips were gentle despite his sudden urge.Â
Nothing couldâve prepared you for thisâhim kissing you back or reciprocating any sign of affection. But he was, and he was getting so into it his tongue was already teasing yours.Â
A small moan escaped you when he opened his mouth a bit more. Your breathing quickened with each kiss and when your tongues finally tangled together, you lost it.Â
âCâmere.â He murmured against your lips.
You hopped on his lap and gave yourself in. You wrapped your arms around his neck tight and pressed your hips down. It became sloppy with each kiss already and only heavy breathing filled the room. His heavy breathing.Â
He was so needy for you.
This wasnât how you expected your night to go, but you were ecstatic. No matter how far this went, it already was much better than your bathtub.Â
You let go of his lips for a second. You needed to catch some air.Â
âAaron.âÂ
Youâd never called him by his first name. Never, and right then you wished youâd done it sooner. It seemed to have awakened something in him. He groaned into another kiss and grabbed your hips tightly, encouraging you to move them.Â
He liked it. He loved it.Â
You obeyed, grinding him and going back for another kiss. His hands were still shy, hesitantly resting at the curves of your hips. You pressed your hips down. His hard bulge was right there. You couldnât help but bite his bottom lip, cupping his face harshly with both hands as if he could go anywhere. He was a prisoner of your body; you had him caged with your legs and arms and he didnât seem to mind at all.Â
His hands raked down your curves, lower on either side of your hips and slowly traveled down, cupping your ass and guiding you back and forth.Â
Hotchâs lap was heaven on earth.Â
You moaned into a wetter kiss, tongues gliding together. You were embarrassingly loud now. He smiled against your lips.Â
âSorry.â You let out a small, embarrassed laugh, pressing your foreheads together.
His chest was heaving in and out as he tried to regulate his breathing. His hands went up to your lower back and he pulled you close into a tight and tender hug.Â
A sudden clarity hit you. This shouldnât have happened. He was your boss for fucks sake. You were sure, that once you came out of his office, you would lose your job. The one you fought so hard for.Â
âI⌠I have to go.â You slid off his lap and stood in front of him, adjusting your skirt.Â
He was staring up at you through his dark lashes and you couldnât look at him without feeling embarrassed. You wiped your lips clean and took a few steps back.Â
âI am so sorry thisââ You took a few more steps backward on your way to the door and turned all the way, giving him your back.
Hotch stood up, his broad silhouette taking a few steps towards you. He said your name with his deep, deep, oh-so-deep voice as your hand touched the knob. He was right behind you now, his torso glued to your back and his arms wrapped around your waist.Â
You shut your eyes as he inhaled your hair.
You locked the door. Â
âAre you sure?â he murmured next to your ear.Â
All you could do was nod.Â
He flipped you around by your hips, capturing your mouth, body, and soul. This time he groaned like an animal, hungry for you. God, he was desperate and your entire body fluttered. Your knees when weak right when he scooped you by your thighs and walked with you towards his desk, plopping you there while knocking everything down with one hand.Â
No words were necessary. His hands talked for him and the kiss was never-ending. You were a fucking mess already. You were at his will, so open to let him do anything he wanted with you.Â
To you.Â
The air was getting hotter and the layers of clothes began to bother you. His body heat and breath were to blame. He was everywhere.Â
He sneaked one hand in between your legs and gripped your inner thigh, his thick fingers sinking into your flesh. You squirmed over the wood, encouraging him to go a little higher. He did, the tip of his fingers ghosting your panties. They were damp with your arousal already (youâd felt it leak through you when you were kissing on the couch), and by the way he smiled, he could feel it. He lifted your skirt up to your waist and pressed himself onto you, his erection finding your cunt like a magnet. He cursed under his breath, looking down at where your bodies touched the most. But not quite.Â
You wanted to touch him, feel how hard he was. You palmed his thick bulge and gulped. Your mouth went dry as you began to massage the outline of his erection while making eye contact, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.Â
âYouâre driving me crazy,â he whispered.Â
There were so many clothes in the way, making it hard to focus but then he grabbed your jaw and looked into your eyes and whatever was about to come, was the best thing that would ever happen to you.
He sneaked his fingers from the side of your panties, the wet sound of your arousal against his fingers was embarrassing. But it made him drop his head to your shoulder. He cursed again and began to massage you, spreading your arousal all over with his thick fingers. Your cunt clenched, desperate to have him inside you. You cursed under your breath with pleasure as his fingers found your wet entrance. He made circular motions without entering, teasing you.Â
He was driving you insane, too. Â
âHotch,â you murmured, I need you, you wanted to say, but he shushed you. Gently. Tenderly. Shushed you with an open-mouth kiss.Â
You whimpered against his mouth and with clumsy hands, undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, sneaking your hand inside to touch his length. Finally. You whined again at that first touch. His skin was burning.
âWould you fuck me?â you whispered, wrapping your fingers around his length. They barely covered him.Â
âOf course, sweetheart. Just give me a minute. Let me feel you.â
He moved his fingers up and down between your wet folds, feeling you as heâd said. He knew exactly what he was doing, he was skilled, gentle and put the perfect amount of pressure.
But you were growing desperate.Â
âPlease, Hotch.â
He didnât give you any warning and in one fell swoop, he had his length out. Fuck. His cock stood on its ownâthick and longâso close to your cunt. The tip glistened with his arousal.Â
âScoot to the edge,â he ordered.Â
You did as he said and he lined himself at your entrance and barely pushed the head inside. You both let out a quiet moan at the same time.
God, it felt good. He felt good. You both looked down and watched as he slowly entered, inch by inch until he was all the way inside. He looked at you then and you lost it.Â
Aaron Hotchner was fucking you. Aaron Hotchner, whom you admired and respected. Aaron Hotchner, the man who has been messing with your head these past few months.Â
This was an eye-opening experience. Paradise on earth. How have you gone so many years without him? New feelings were brewing in your chest with each thrust, each stare, and each kiss.Â
You gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer as he began to move, rocking his hips back and forth. Youâd milked his dark and thick curls with your arousal already, making each slam sticky to your skin.Â
His cock was exquisite, spreading you open and reaching every right spot.Â
âYou feel so good, fuck, fuck, fuck.â You couldnât resist.Â
He kept fucking you until your butt went numb, you needed to finish but you didnât want this to end. Ever
You showed your discomfort by adjusting over the desk.
Bend over, he whispered on your lips.Â
He kissed you one last time before you hopped off the desk and obeyed, bending over his desk and glancing at him over your shoulder, ready to take him. He squeezed your ass with both hands and lined himself again. He teased you, pulling it out and moving it up and down. You let out a needy hum, wiggling your ass, begging for his cock.
He entered again and this time, he was ruthless. He slammed into you, hard. Then again. And again. Over and over until the only sound in the room was the clash of skin against skin. You had to muffle your moansâand smileâby biting your forearm.Â
Fuck, fuck, fuck. God, Aaron Hotchener fucked good. So good you were seeing stars already and so close to grazing the sky.Â
He bent down too for a moment just to bring you up close into a hug. âCome here.â You already knew he liked having you close.
He sneaked one hand from the front and massaged your clit as his thrust became sloppy. You threw your head back to his shoulder, and he captured the underside of your chin between his teeth.Â
This was it. The beginning of an addiction you never wanted to rid yourself of.
There were a few more slams before he came. Hard. He was a vocal man. Grunting and groaning and cursing quietly as his cock twitched inside you.Â
Your legs were shaking, and if it wasnât because he was holding you, you were sure you wouldâve fallen to your knees. And he didnât let go of you for a moment, his cock still inside you.Â
You needed to know what he was thinking, see his face.Â
You took a sharp breath to speak, but he slipped his cock out and you gasped. His cum dripped down.
âSorry,â he murmured and was quick to clean you with a tissue.Â
You finally turned around and caught a look on his face you hadnât seen before. It wasnât guilt. It wasnât disappointment. But it wasnât a positive thing.Â
âThisââhe began, buttoning his pantsââchanges everything.â He glared at you.Â
You adjusted your skirt and pressed your lips together. âI know.âÂ
âAnd it canât happen ever again.â Your heart dropped to your stomach for a second as he added, âNot here.â A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lip
You pressed your lips together, hiding a smile. Â
âYes, sir. Wonât happen again.â You walked up to him, placing your palm flat over his chest. His heart was still racing. âNot here.â
You kissed him, and he kissed you back.
âShould we, uh, leave together?â you asked, licking your lips.
âI donât think itâs a good idea.â He caressed your cheek with his thumb. âYou can leave first.â
âOkay, Iâll see you tomorrow, then.âÂ
âSee you tomorrow.â He nodded and stole another kiss before you left.
You walked out of the building so put together as if nothing had happened, and kept a straight face until you were inside your car.
âHoly fuck,â you laughed; squealed, almost.
That really happened. You covered your face with both hands trying to come back to earth.Â
You decided to drive off before Hotch appeared in the parking lot, or else you wouldnât resist taking him right there all over again. You replayed what had happened in your head the entire drive and as soon as you made it home, he texted you.Â
I hope you know this isnât something casual or unimportant to me.Â
You smiled. You loved that he couldnât hide his professionalism when texting.Â
I know, you texted back, for me either. Believe me
Good, he replied.
Goodnight, Hotch. Iâll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow came and from the moment you laid eyes on each other, you agreed: no one could know about it.Â
He explained to you, when no one was around, how relationships within the bureau had a reputation. It wouldâve been different if he was at the same level as you, but since he was your superior, it wouldnât be well seen.Â
So this being a secret was more for him than for you, but you didnât mind. It was such a rush. The whole forbidden thing did something to you, which caused you to be horny at work more than once.Â
But he made up for it when you saw each other at his place or yours.Â
There, it was different. You allowed yourself to be softer and he didnât hold back any kiss or touch. His affection confused you, though, since the talk hadnât come up yet. The âwhat are we?â talk, and you didnât want to be the girl who asked that after the second date.
There was sexâlots of itâ, there were dinners, movie nights, and everything couples did, so it made sense if you asked, but you didnât. You didnât want to spoil the magic.Â
Because it was magical, your lives took an awful turn when you got your hearts broken and you both were right at the curve to meet each other. Heâd been there, in front of you this whole time and a fragment of you glued back together every time he stared into your eyes while nothing was said. While he caressed your face and kissed you just because he wanted to. He managed to heal you between the lines, with subtle words thatâd get stuck at the back of your mind.Â
And the more you two met outside workâwhether it was at his place or yours, his bed, or a fancy hotel roomâyour feelings for him intensified.Â
They were worse on nights like these, when you found yourself tangled between sheets with him after sex, talking about anything and everything.Â
He often had an expression of everlasting love.Â
At least, you liked to think that way.Â
âWhat are you thinking?â He asked you with that glimmer in his eyes.
You sucked in a breath and brushed the front pieces of his hair with your fingers. âDid you get Morganâs wedding invitation?â
You donât know why, but he laughed. âI did, yes.â
âI think we should bring a date.â
âWhy?â
âWe have a plus one and⌠I donât know. Iâm gonna be wearing a dress so for your sake, I should have a date. That isnât you.â
âOh, really?â He teased, placing a kiss on your ear.Â
âThis is inappropriate, Agent Hotchner, Iâm your subordinate.â You laughed. You were ticklish there.
âNot when youâre in my bed.â He adjusted himself on top of you, lowering to kiss you. âAnd donât pretend you donât love it.â
You laughed again.Â
You loved it.
Loved him.Â
I hope you liked it!!! Iâd love to hear your thoughts about it too!đ¤â¤ď¸âđĽ
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Okay let me set up one rn đââď¸đ¨đ¨
Oh no
Iâm at that place again where I struggle reading other peopleâs fics because it makes me feel self conscious about my writing đ
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Me, writing something at 1 am: Omg I'm literally a genius this words sound amazing I ate totally whith this one omfg
The writing:
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put those big brown eyes away dude now is NOT the time
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Okay but can we PLEASE name the group âthe tortured writers departmentâ đââď¸
Oh no
Iâm at that place again where I struggle reading other peopleâs fics because it makes me feel self conscious about my writing đ
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Pls youâre so incredibly nice to me đĽšđŠś thank you so much for your kind words <3 I truly appreciate you đ
If You Only Knew | Aaron Hotchner
My One and Only prequel
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x bau female reader
Summary: Broken hearts find each other and in the process, they mend each other.
Word count: 10.7k
Tags/warnings: season 10 Hotch <3; cheating (on reader); food and alcohol consumption; Hotch has a soft spot for reader<3; lazy case talk whoops; canon typical violence; one bed trope; smut: unprotected and dirty office sex (p in v); secret relationship; stolen glances and kisses in forbidden places!!1!
Authorâs note: I donât usually do second parts mostly because I wrap up the story in a single one shot, but while writing the first fic I had this prequel in mind because oh boy, they have HISTORY (which is why it ended up being longer than My One and Only). Both can be read as a stand alone. First fic was based on Dress by miss T. Swift, and this one is like a mash up of every Taylorâs ovulation songs (I listened to this playlist a lot while writing this) đââď¸ Call It What You Want x I Can See You being the main inspo. Or were the songs inspired by them???đ§ itâs just so sexy sexy. Anyway, hope you enjoy!!!!
MASTERLIST
There used to be an engagement ring on your right hand.Â
A bright but simple ring that from the moment it was given to you, had you hopeful about your future. That future had always been uncertain. You rarely pictured yourself more than two years ahead, to begin withâfor many reasons, neither worth mentioningâbut no matter how long your future was, you were sure it was going to be just as bright as your ring.Â
And how wrong you wereâŚ
It hadnât been more than two months since your fiancĂŠ promised you the world when you caught him in a lie. Youâd let it slip away, fidgeting your ring as a reminder that he was the one.Â
If you hadnât ignored the signs, you wouldâve saved yourself from getting your heart ripped out.Â
He cheated, and even worse, you caught him in the act, with another woman in your own bed. You stormed out leaving every door open. Zac came running behind you, yelling your name, but you didnât stop. You ripped the engagement ring off your finger and threw it at him without looking back. That clink of the band bouncing on the pavement was so faint compared to the sound of your castle crumbling, and your prince kept yelling at you to come back.
You didnât. You got in your car and drove off aimlessly.Â
Youâd been driving around the city blasting music since then, and yelling the lyrics hoping youâd go numb. You didnât, but at least you had some clarity.Â
You had nowhere to be. There was no home anymore, no bed to sleep on, and no arms to run to. The place you used to call home now was stained with lies and haunted by another woman.Â
The only place that could shelter you for the night was the BAU. At the end of the day, that was your home. You spent most of your days there with the people you worked with. People who would take a bullet for you. They were your familyâDerek being the one you loved the mostâbut you couldnât run to him or any of them right now. The wound was too fresh and letting them see you like this would be disappointing and just⌠sad. Theyâve always known you as a tough and reasonable woman. How were you supposed to tell them you werenât that smart now that your entire relationship crumbled?
You parked at your usual spot and searched for your emergency go bag in the backseat. It was always stocked with everything you needed for at least a week. You werenât planning on staying at the BAU for an entire week, of course, but also, you never knew. Your ex was capable of lighting your house on fire just to get rid of any evidence of his betrayal so for now, that bag was all you had.Â
You took a deep breath and made your way inside the building. You walked through security as you always did and smiled at the night guard. It was Rick, the oldest of them all but you felt the safest when he was at the door.
âWhat brings you here at this hour, young lady?â Rick adjusted his ivy cap.Â
It was past three in the morning.Â
âPiled up paperwork,â you merely said.Â
And he didnât question you. âOh, sure,â he answered politely with his old, raspy voice. Â
You smiled at him and made your way to the elevator, pushing the number six as you always did. You kicked the bag with your knee until the doors dinged open.Â
Not a single soul received you.
You walked past the glass doors and reached your desk, looking up at Hotchâs office that was right across. He had a couch there that you could use as your bed for a few hours. Everyone has slept there at least onceâ for whatever reasonâand now it was your turn. You marched up the short stairs and paused. You knew his office remained unlocked (he once said that heâd lost the key, but deep down you knew he left it open in case anyone needed somewhere to crash for the night).Â
You knocked, just in case, and once there was no answer, you twisted the knob. His perfume was faint in the airâsoft and woodyâso it was easy to assume heâd left not long ago. You closed the door behind you and walked to the couch, leaving your bag there and turning the lamp on.Â
The dim light triggered the memories of the moment that tore you apart hours earlier: Another woman riding your fiancĂŠ. They even dared to light up romantic candles.Â
Your fucking candles.
âSon of a bitch,â you muttered.
You couldnât help but laugh a little. You wasted three years of your life and now with a cool head, you realized it was in your hands how you handled it. It could either be the best thing that's happened to you or you could let it drag you down.Â
Right then, you decided the first option was the only one. You stood there, both hands on your hips, your chin up and took a deep breath, filling your lungs with air until your chest swelled.Â
This was going to be the only night youâd let yourself mourn your relationship. No tears. Just you and a glass of scotch. It wasnât your drink of choice but it was all Hotch kept in his office and you knew exactly where he kept the bottle (right under his espresso machine GarcĂa had gotten him for his birthday a couple of years ago). You crouched down and opened the little cabinet. The bottle was almost full and you wondered if it was brand new or if he rarely drank. You shrugged it off. You poured yourself some and began pacing around his office.
Youâve been here a million times and youâd never paid much attention to all the things he had. There were quite a few awards granted by the bureau displayed on the wall behind his desk; a bunch of books, too. You ran your fingers through them as you walked from end to end. He had a picture of Jack and Haley over his desk and you looked around, searching for a picture of Beth. Your eye landed on her contagious smile, over the little table by his couch. You walked there to get a better look at the picture. She was looking at the camera and he was looking at her. Youâd met her a few times and it was nice seeing Hotch in love again. After Haley, everyone thought heâd refuse to let someone in again, but when love knocks on your door thereâs not much you can do.Â
You sighed deeply and placed your empty glass in front of the picture. The alcohol was making you sleepy so you made yourself comfortable. You went to brush your teeth, put on your pajamas and fuzzy socks, made a blanket out of your blazer, and used your folded pants as a pillow.
You rubbed your feet together. It wasnât a cold night, but you wished you didnât have to spend it alone.Â
The constant sound of a pen scraping on paper gradually woke you up.
Shit.Â
You meant to sleep only a few hours and have Hotchâs office as it was before he got here; pretend youâd gotten there earlier than everyone. You mustâve slept through your alarm.Â
You slowly squinted your eyes open and caught Hotch sitting at his desk, brows low in deep thought.
How long has he been there?
âHotch.â You rubbed your eyes and sat upright. âHi. Sorry, Iâ What time is it?â
âEight-thirty,â he answered, never taking his eyes off the file.
So you didnât sleep through your alarm.Â
âWhen did you get here? I didnât hear you.â
âA few minutes ago.â He put the pen down and lifted his head to look at you. His face softened.Â
He didnât seem upset about you invading his office but you still felt the need to explain yourself. âI, uh, stayed until late last night and I was too sleepy to drive andââ You realized mid-sentence how bad you were lying.
But he let you.Â
âItâs not a problem, you can always sleep here. As long as itâs not already taken.â He stared at you for a moment, rubbing his thumb with the rest of his fingers. You wondered how bad you looked. How bad everything seemed. âIt has a foldable seat,â was all he said, gesturing at the couch. âThereâs a blanket under it.â
âOh, thanks. It wasnât that cold.â You braced yourself.Â
It was cold now.
âYou can sleep for another hour,â he added.Â
âWe donât have a case?âÂ
âNo.â He glanced at the open door and then back at you. âNot yet anyway.â
Then why was he here so early?
You smiled at him and began to gather your things anyway. âThank you, but I still should go. Iâm⌠invading your space.â
âOh, please. Donât worry about it,â he said before going back to work on his paper.Â
Even if he didnât mind you sleeping there while he worked, you did. You stood up, stretched your neck a bit, and began to fold all of your clothes, putting them back in your bag.Â
You felt his eyes on you every once in a while and just when you grabbed the evidence of your late nightâthe empty glass of scotchâhe asked, âIs everything alright?â
You looked at him. There was that soft look again.
âYeah, I justâŚâ you trailed off, fidgeting with your now invisible ring. âYeah, Iâm okay.â
He didnât have to say anything. He knew. You knew he knew just by that look he gave you. Wise. Emphatic. The âIâve been there beforeâ look.Â
He opened his mouth to add something, but his phone buzzed on the table, making him tear his eyes off you. He sighed as his brows lowered.
âNow we have a case?â You asked and he nodded. âIâll put on some work-appropriate clothes, then.â You looked down at your pajamas.
âTake your time. Weâll meet in thirty.â
The jet took off and the clouds were never-ending.Â
Two women had been abducted (and murdered) already in Fort Myers before you were invited to investigate. Victimology and M.O. were discussed and you barely said a thing. Your mind kept wandering off to the night before and how miserable you felt. The phantom of betrayal was still heavy on your shoulders.Â
Hotch sat next to you during the three-hour flight, and the only thing he said to you that wasnât work-related was: âWould you like some coffeeâ, to which you gladly accepted. His eyes, though, kept asking if you were okay.Â
Minutes before the jet touched the ground, your phone caught some signal and began to buzz uncontrollably against the table. You already knew who it was so you didnât bother to glance at the screen, you just sighed in annoyance and put your phone in your pocket. You felt Hotchâs eyes on you again and you tried your best to ignore him.
Right now, he was your boss, not your friend.Â
The moment the jet doors opened, the dense, humid air stuck to your skin. Everyone groaned in annoyance.
âUgh, I hate Florida,â Emily commented.Â
You didnât mind it. You needed a bit of heat and sun, hoping theyâd woosh away the gray cloud over your head.
Hotch assigned everyoneâs tasks for the day and partnered you up with Morgan to interview the victimsâ families. Smart move. It was known that Morgan was your person inside the team, and even if he didnât know about your heartbreak right now, heâd surely find out soon after spending the day with you. Thatâs what Hotch wanted. For you to have someone to talk to if you wanted.
You wouldâve preferred to be out in the field instead of inside an office, that way youâd have more distractions. Right now, as you talked to one of the victimâs husbands, your only distraction was your phone. Your ex started to call you again and spam-texting you. He was getting on your nerves and you couldnât quite focus on your job. The one that you considered was your forteâwhen it came to good people.Â
These men werenât good people. They were exactly like your ex.Â
And they got on your nerves.Â
Morgan shot you a frown as he walked the last person out of the office, âWhatâs going on with you? You almost punched the guy.â He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.
âI wouldâve if you hadnât caught me.â You rolled your eyes.Â
âIâm being dead serious, whatâs going on with you?â
âHe called his dead wife a whore, Morgan.â
âIâm not just talking about this. All morning youâve been acting weird.â
There was his big brother attitude.
You sighed, shaking your head. You couldnât not tell him. So you told him. Some of it. âZac and I are fighting. He keeps calling but Iâm not gonna answer yet. Heâs gonna have to wait until Iâm back.â
âWhat did he do?â He asked, brows shooting up with concern.Â
You walked to the small coffee station the sheriff had set up for the team. âWeâre just fighting.â You poured yourself some coffee. You couldnât tell him everything. He was friends with Zacâand a really good one.Â
âI donât buy that,â Morgan insisted. âI know what your fights look like. This isnât a fight over how he didnât do the dishes.â
You hated how well he knew you. You and Zac. It was sad to think there wouldnât be any more double dates with him and Savannah.Â
âI donât want to talk about it yet,â you merely said.
Morgan let out a huff and glared at you in silence. âAlright.âÂ
He respected you and didnât bug you any more about it. And neither did Zac, thankfully. The messages and phone calls stopped but even then, you couldnât get your mind off whatever he wanted to say.Â
The day went by painfully slowly. Not many leads were found and the unsub seemed to have gone dormant, which meant the investigation was done for the day.Â
Hotch, JJ, and Rossi were still finishing up a few things with the sheriff, and you decided to wait for them outside, sitting on the sidewalk. There was a dinner reservation at the hotel at nine. It was thirteen past nine and youâd been running on five cups of coffee.Â
Your stomach rumbled.Â
Steps came from behind. Morgan silently sat next to you and handed you a protein bar. He sat close, his arm touching yours. âZac called me.âÂ
âGood for him.â You didnât bother to look at him. Instead, you began to pick your nails. You werenât hungry anymore.Â
âAnd he told me.â Derek placed one hand over yours, stopping you from destroying your nails.Â
You shot him a look. âWhat did he tell you?â You asked because you didnât think Zac would rat himself out to Morgan.Â
âIâm on your side,â he said. âHeâs my friend, but youâre my sister. Heâs dead to me now.â He quirked his brows.Â
âWhat did he tell you, Morgan?â
âThat you caught him cheating.âÂ
The disappointment on his face was as clear as the night sky. Â
You tore your eyes off him and sighed.
âI was so stupid.â You rubbed your forehead. âI caught him in lies multiple times and I brushed them all off. Like a part of me wanted that to happen,â you confessed.Â
âWhat do you mean? That you didnât want to marry him?â
âI⌠I donât know.â You looked back at Derek. Now that the truth was out you needed to talk about it. Maybe that way you could realize it was all your fault. âI loved him, and he was a great guy but at some point, after the engagement and before the lies, I stopped seeing a future with him. So I guess itâs my fauââ
âNuh-uh.â Derek interrupted you, placing a finger over your lips. âHe did this,â then booped your nose.Â
You couldn't help but smile. âYeah but I stopped being⌠a girlfriend to him,â you explained, moving your hands around to make your point. âI came home late, heâd wait for me with dinner but I just⌠stopped seeing him.â You sighed. It really was your fault to some extent now that you talked about it. âHe sought the attention I stopped giving him on someone else. I donât want to be like that. I donât want⌠to be the person who just works and canât balance it with personal life.â
âItâs tough.âÂ
âYeah, but you seem to make it work with Savannah.â You nudged his arm.
They had the kind of love you aspired to have one day.
âIt took us a while, but we made it work. Still do. Itâs a good thing she also has a time-consuming job. She just gets it. But it takes a lot of effort from both parties.â
You nodded in agreement. âZac and I are over. This isnât something we can talk about and get through and forget or forgive. He betrayed me.âÂ
Derek hung one arm over your shoulder and kissed your temple. âI know.â
âAt least I donât have to plan a wedding anymore. It seems exhausting.â
âOh, believe me, it is.â
You gasped and pulled away to look at him. He had a grin on his face now. Thatâs what you needed. A smile from him even if it made you forget for just a moment. âWhat? What does that mean? Did you propose?!âÂ
âWhoa, whoa.â Emily came from behind and joined the conversation right away, standing in front of you. âWhoâs proposing?â
âMorgan,â you were quick to respond. Anything to avoid anyone else knowing youâd been cheated on.
âShhh!â He stood up, signaling you both to shut up with a finger over his lips and looking around to make sure no one else heard. âIâm planning to, alright. Don'tâŚ. Freak out. She can say no.â
âSheâd be silly to say no,â Emily laughed a little. âAre you kidding?â
âYouâre already planning the wedding,â you laughed too while standing up. âDonât pretend you expect her to say no.â
âOf course, sheâs gonna say yes.â Derek grinned. âIâm just playinâ.â
On the way to the hotel, the team split into two SUVs and Hotch kept glancing at you through the rearview mirror at every red light and stop sign, with that know-it-all look, a pinch of concern. He was worried about you (and soon to be pissed for the stunt you pulled earlier).Â
You got a triple room with Emily and JJ and you didnât give them a chance to make any conversation with them since dinner was canceled. You threw your bag over your bed and headed to the rooftop. You figured itâd be the only place none of the team would be. You needed fresh air, and you felt ready to talk to Zac. You reached the rooftop and pulled out your phone. Just the thought of hearing his voice tightened your throat. But you had to. You needed to know what he had to say.
You dialed his number and some agonizing butterflies still managed to flap their wings at the pit of your stomach with that first âheyâ on the other line. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your only witness was the moon hanging above and she wouldnât judge you, so you finally allowed yourself to feel it.
His voice was a stab to your heart and a soft sob got caged in your throat. He said he was sorry, that he missed you, that he loved you. That you will always be the love of his life and that he knew heâd lost you. You muffled your sobs against your hand and once he was done talking, all you could reply was âokayâ.Â
Then you hung up.
âDamn it.â You let your phone slip through your fingers to cover your eyes with one hand while you braced yourself with the other arm.Â
You stood thereâfor who knows how longâuntil a pair of unfamiliar arms enveloped you from the front. Their scent, though, was like homeâfaint and woody bathing you whole. You nestled against their chest and it only made you cry even more.Â
âShh. Itâs okay.âÂ
Hotchâs voice snapped the knife out of your chest and he wasnât about to let you bleed out. With one hand he caressed the back of your head, giving you soft scratches. The other rubbed your upper back with short and tender strokes. You werenât planning on crumbling and you surely didnât expect Hotch to be the one comforting you, but it felt right. You needed a hug and a gentle voice telling you it was okay to feel like this.Â
Your entire relationship flashed before your eyes. You were mourning its death, after all., and there was no going back from it. You wouldnât do that to yourself and had to accept that his laugh would eventually fade away from your memory and his eyes would no longer shine because of youâthey havenât for a while.
You peeled yourself from Hotchâs chest and noticed how his shirt was damp with your tears.
âSorry, Iââ you sniffed; looked up at him.
His soft eyes scanned your face for a moment. âDo you want to talk about it?â they asked, a sweet frown taking over his face.Â
âYou look like you need a drink,â he said instead.
You chuckled, nodding, even when the after-crying headache was creeping up on you. You wouldâve taken the elevator to the first floor, but Hotch guided you through the staircase.Â
âWere you up there when I got there?â you asked him.Â
âNo, I went there to clear my head and⌠found you standing there.â
After all these years working with him, he was still the hardest to read. âIs something bugging you?â you asked him.Â
âNo.â
Okay, then. You understood it wasnât something he wanted to talk about (with you).Â
You reached the first floor and headed to the bar. It wasnât crowded, and Rossi was already there. You two joined him, each at either side of him.
âAh, FBI agents,â Rossi told the bartender, taking a sip of his drink. âYouâre not gonna interrogate me, are you?â he then asked you two.
âI donât know. Should we?â Hotch asked with a tint of humor.
âYou should interrogate her.â He gestured at you by twitching his mouth in your direction. âI heard she almost punched one of the victimâs husbands.â
âThanks, Rossi.â You glared at him, and he couldnât have cared less.Â
âIs that true?â Hotch asked you, leaning a bit forward to glance at you over Rossi, even when the wall in front of you was a whole mirror.Â
âGoodnight, kid.â Rossi slid off his stool. âNight Hotch. Keep an eye on her.â
âGreat.â You glared at him again. âJust throw the grenade and run away.â He just laughed and waved a dismissive hand. He had clearly had quite a few drinks so you couldnât blame him much.
âIs that true?â Hotch asked again.
âHe was a jerk,â you responded, sipping on your drink.Â
âThat has nothing to do with it. Jerk or not, you canât be acting like that.â His frown grew strong but his voice remained as soft as when he was comforting you moments earlier.Â
âHe cheated on her, Hotch.â You shot him a look through the mirror. âThatâs why she went out and got abducted. Murdered.â
âI understand that, but we push our feelings aside, you know that.â
âI know.â You pinched the bridge of your nose. âJust⌠let it go, please. You know I wonât do it again.â
âOf course you wonât.â He took a short sip of his drink and looked forward, making eye contact with you through the mirror. âYouâd be off the case if you pull something like that again.âÂ
A light bulb lit up over your head right then.Â
âDo you think thatâs why the unsub is targeting the victims?â You grabbed his forearm with excitement. âBecause they got cheated on?â
You were right and your tragedy helped save the last woman the unsub had abducted. You wrapped up the case with a bittersweet taste.Â
On the flight home, Morgan sat next to you, and for some reason, you wished Hotch had sat there.
You searched for him on the jet and heâd chosen to sit farther back. You wanted to thank him for comforting you when he didnât have to, and as if heâd read your mindâ
Good job todayâHe textedâI know this was a particularly difficult case for you.
You lifted your head and caught him looking at you. You smiled at him as a response.
It was difficult, but it also helped you heal a little.Â
Morgan nudged your arm gently, gesturing for you to take your headphones off.Â
âHm?â you raised your brows.
âAre you planning on going home now?âÂ
You sighed. âI have to.â
âYou can stay with me for a few days. Savannah would be thrilled to have you over.â
âThank you but I think thatâd make me feel⌠small? I have to see him eventually. And Iâd rather get it over with soon.â You smiled at him. âAfter that conversation, though, Iâm not sure if Iâll have a place to stay so Iâll let you know if I need a place to crash for the night.â
âIâll be there, then.â
When you made it to your place, Zac was waiting for you with dinner. You wouldâve laughed, but you were too exhausted to even smile at him.Â
âIâm just here to get my things,â you said, walking past him to your room.
You smelled fresh paint on your way there, and you really laughed then. Heâd repainted the whole thing. Did he think changing the wall color would make you forget what happened there?Â
âItâs your favorite color.â Zac stood at the door.
âYouâre unbelievable.â You scoffed.
You threw all your belongings in two suitcases and left.Â
To never come back.
âYouâre getting discharged.â Hotch drew open the curtain of your cubicle.
âWhat? What about Morgan?â You sat upright, keeping the ice close to the bump on your head. Youâd been in a car crash in the middle of a prosecution. âIs he okay?â
âHeâs fine. He just dislocated his shoulder.â
âWell, the doctor said I canât fly, let alone drive.â You rolled your eyes. âSo whoâs driving me back to Quantico?â
âI am.â You couldnât help but let out a huff. âYeah, Iâm not excited about it either.â
âItâs seventeen hours, Hotch. You donât have to. Iâm sure I can take an overnight bus or something.â
âYouâre not taking any bus. You got a brain bleed. Someoneâs gotta be there if something happens.â He glared at you. âGather your things. Iâll bring the car. A nurse will walk you out.â
Your things were only your badge and gun. Everything else was still at the hotel, so you assumed you were going to make a stop there before hitting the road back to Quantico. Â
You were officially discharged by your doctor minutes later and youâd underestimated Hotchâs efficiency. Heâd already gone to the hotel to get your things. He even bought snacksâyour favorite snacks.Â
You reclined your seat and threw a blanket over you. Your head was much better but it still hurt despite you being high on painkillers.
âAre you cold? Do you want me to turn the heater on?â
âNot cold.â You assured him. You just wanted to make yourself cozy. âHotch, I donât know if Iâm gonna handle a seventeen-hour drive.â
âI know.â He gave you a quick glance. âI donât think I will either. Weâll make a stop if you need to. Just let me know.â
You dozed off and on during the first two hoursâyour eyes darting to Hotchâs firm hands on the steering wheelâuntil it started raining. Normally, you wouldâve been on high alert since you werenât a fan of driving when it rained, but it was Hotch who was driving. And he was a great driver.Â
The sound of the thick drops hitting the windshield turned out to be a perfect lullaby and helped you fall into a deep and cozy slumber. A dream began to take over your mind at some point but it didnât become one entirely.Â
Loud noises dragged you out of it.
You blinked your eyes open. You were parked on the side road, and the rain wasnât normal rain anymore. It was loud, hitting the rooftop like daggers. You feared it might fall through.Â
âAre those hailstones?â You adjusted the seat back straight.
âNot yet,â Hotch responded. âBut we canât keep driving like this. I can barely see past the hood. Itâs too dangerous.â
âIâm no weather expert but Iâm sure thereâs a storm coming.â
Hotch nodded in agreement. âWeâll have to make an emergency stop.â He pulled out his phone and typed something. âThereâs a motel 3 miles away. We can spend a few hours there until the storm passes.â
âYou just said itâs dangerous to keep driving.â
âItâs more dangerous to stay here or on the side of the road. Plus you need to rest. Itâs been a long drive already.âÂ
Long? You glanced at the clock on the radio.Â
âItâs been six hours already?!â Your eyes widened.
It didnât feel like it, though.
âYou snored half of it.â He teased, his soft dimples making their first appearance of the night.
âI did not,â you laughed a little.Â
You knew he was just kidding, but you clearly needed those hours of deep sleep. Your headache was much better now.
Hotch kept the blinkers on as he started driving again, slowly until the map on his phone signaled him to turn right.Â
There was a blue-light vacancy sign glitching.Â
âThis is it?â you asked. The place looked straight out of a horror film and the dark sky didnât help.
âYou stay here,â Hotch ordered. âIâll check if they have any rooms.â
You didnât disagree and locked the doors once he stepped out. Just in case.Â
Minutes later, your phone buzzed.
Thereâs only one room available, Hotch texted you.Â
Two beds? you texted back right away.
King, he replied.
Great. It was either sharing a bed with Hotch or staying in the car.
I donât mind if you donât, you texted. It shouldnât be that big of a deal. Then you added, weâll only be here a few hours until the rain stops, right?
Yes. Donât move. Iâll come get you, he replied.
You gathered your things within reach, as gently as possible so your brain wouldnât get all scrambled by sudden movements and unlocked the doors for Hotch.
He opened the door and ducked his head inside. âItâs the farthest room,â he raised his voice over the loud rain.
âThatâs fine,â you matched his tone. âLetâs make one trip. I can carry my things.â
âYou sure?â he frowned in an attempt to keep the rain out of his eyes.
âIâm fine. Donât worry.â You nodded and stepped out of the car.Â
Once you had your things and Hotch had his, he took the lead with you walking fast behind him with your head low. You both were already drenched so there was no point in running.Â
The room was better than what you expected. It welcomed you with warm air, one bed, a small desk facing the window, an old TV, and a bathroom. They even had a small station with a kettle and tea/coffee, and the heater was on
You stripped out some of your clothes right next to the heater and changed your muddy shoes for your slippers.Â
âDo you mind if I take the bathroom first?â You asked him.
âNot at all,â Hotch replied, ridding himself of some damp clothes.
You walked past him with your bag and locked yourself in the bathroom. You unlocked it right away. What if you passed out? It was going to be a quick shower to regulate your body temperature, but with a brain injury, you never knew.Â
You were in and out of it in less than ten minutes and Hotch had already changed his clothes to sweatpants and a white t-shirt. It was always so strange seeing him out of his suits.
âAre you hungry?â He asked, hanging his clothes on the improvised drying rack he made out of the single chair and desk and placing it close to the heater.Â
âA little.â You sat on the left side of the bed.
Hotch grabbed the snack bag and displayed what heâd bought over the bed. Along with your favorite snacks were some fruits and two instant noodle soups. The first time you pulled out one of those, Reid told you all about them and how they were some of the most cancerous foods there could be, but they were a guilty pleasure and you didnât eat them often.Â
âTake your pick,â he said. âIâll take a shower now.â
He was being a good caretaker to you and you trusted him so all you had to do today and tomorrow was obey him. You could shut your brain down when Hotch was around. Â
You turned the TV on to have some background noise and put on the news. The weather had been catastrophic already in some parts and they said it was going to last at least eight more hours. It was 8 pm so you didnât mind waiting all night for it to pass. It was a cozy room, after all.
You prepared yourself the instant soup and sat cross-legged on the bed. Your phone buzzed against the mattress.
Howâs your head? Morgan texted.
Better. Your shoulder?
I have a good doctor at home so Iâll be alright. Howâs the trip going?Â
The sky is falling here. We had to make a stop for the night.Â
Sharing a room with the boss? ;)Â
You didnât know why he would say that or why you would lie about your answer, but you lied.Â
Of course not! Weâre gonna wait for the rain to pass before hitting the road again.
You hit send right when Hotch came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.Â
You put the phone down. âThereâs still hot water in the kettle.â
You rarely saw him eat, and since all he bought were things you liked, you assumed he liked them too. He prepared his soup as well and sat on the other side of the bed.
âIt looks pretty bad.â He glanced at the TV.
âThey said itâs gonna last all night.â
Something was odd about him now. Maybe it was the fatigue of the trip that hit him after the shower. But he kept looking at his phone and putting it down. You saw him clench his jaw more than once.Â
âEverything okay?â You had to ask.
He gave you a look.Â
Everything was not okay.
He hesitated a moment, twisting the noodles with his fork but never taking a bite.Â
âBeth got a job offer in Hong Kong.â Oh. âAnd sheâs boarding the flight now.â Oh, no. âShe asked my opinion before taking the job offer.â He smiled, though it didnât reach his eyes. âOf course, I encouraged her to take it. Itâs a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.â
You didnât want him to regret his choice about encouraging herâshe put him between a rock and a hard placeâbut you had a string of questions about it. What if she asked for his opinion because she wanted to stay and settle, but needed him to say it? Â
âSo you let her go,â you said instead and he nodded. âHowâs Jack handling it?â
âShe talked to him, we took him to Orlando for the weekend and he understood it butââhe sighedââI know itâs been hard on him, too.â You couldnât imagine how his son was feeling. He was a kid and heâd lost someone, too. âBut we ended it on good terms.â He raised his brows.Â
âWhy did you offer to drive me home?â You asked. âYou could be there with her by now. At the airport.â
âWe said our goodbyes.â He shook his head and looked down. âIt wouldâve made it more painful.âÂ
You hummed in agreement. âThey say if you love someone, you let them go. If they come back, it means theyâre truly yours.â He looked at you. âShe could come back.â
His eyes were glassy. For some reason, you felt he was thinking about Haley, too. He was once again losing someone he lovedâby choice this time but losing her nonetheless.
âSorry,â he sort of laughed. âIâm talking about my heartbreak whenâŚâ
When you were recently heartbroken too.Â
âDonât worry about me. Iâmââ
âFine,â he finished your sentence. âOf course you are.âÂ
âIâm over it and I laugh about it now. I wasted three years of my life. My good years.â You chucked. âIt's funny now.â
âItâs not. And you still have a few more good years ahead of you?â He commented, confused.
You talked as if your youth was already over but you had a good reason. âYeah, but Iâm not gonna be as hot as I was when I met him.â He smirked. âHe went for a younger woman.â You then added.Â
âYounger?â He raised his brows.Â
âI know. I think thatâs why I feel old. But she was a 25-year-old trainee.â
âThatâs not much younger than you.âÂ
âYou flatter me.â You let out a small laugh. âI just⌠Why do men always go for the younger woman?â
He took a subtle deep breath. âIââ
âGenerally speaking,â you added. âMen who cheat go for a younger woman.â
âI donât know but Iâm sure Reid can give you all the statistics about it.â
âYeah,â you scoffed. âI donât wanna hear them.âÂ
You let out a yawn, and soon Hotch did too. You two agreed in silence it was time for bed already.
âItâs not cold in here so Iâll sleep over the bed covers,â he commented.
âHotch, you donât have to. I donât mind, honestly. Iâve shared beds with most of our team.â
âAlright,â he let out a small laugh, raising his brows.Â
The rain stopped around 5 am and within thirty minutes you both were up and ready to hit the road again. There were ten hours ahead of you and this time you didnât feel the need to sleep through it. You slept like a baby last night and also, talking to Hotch was really nice, and he seemed well-rested too.Â
You stopped for a quick breakfast two hours in and had it in the car to optimize time. Throughout the drive, there were talks about the landscapes and weather and heâd throw in some random stories about his brother, or Haley and Jack when something reminded him of them. Â
Your favorite was how he and Jack had a tradition whenever it rained: chocolate chip cookies. And how Jack had already decided that he was going to do the same with his kids one day.Â
And the more the clock ticked, the more you wished heâd slow down his speed (even when he was going just below the limit). You didnât want the trip to end, but it had to eventually.
Around 3 pm. Hotch was dropping you off at your place.
âItâs a nice neighborhood,â he commented. Only Derek had had the chance to visit your new place.
âIt is. Itâs mostly old people that live here so itâs very quiet all the time.â You smiled. Silence filled the air for a moment. You missed him already. âHey, I know weâre both exhausted but⌠would you like to come in? We can make some decent lunch.â
Hotch took a subtle deep breath. âI would. Iâd love to but⌠Jackâs waiting for me. I was supposed to arrive yesterday and he was excited to see me. I⌠Iâm picking him up at school after this.â
âOh, yeah, of course.â You gulped. Stupid.
Why did you feel nervous around him all of a sudden?
âMaybe some other time?â He asked.
Your stomach fluttered.Â
âDefinitely.â
Spencer was turning 33, and Penelope thought throwing him a surprise birthday party was a good idea. She asked everyone to show up earlier than usual to decorate a conference room. You were the first one to show, then one by one everyone arrived.Â
The only one you wanted to see walking through the door, though, wasnât the birthday boy. It was Hotch.Â
After the gloomy night at the motel, Hotch became a permanent thought. You didnât know if it was because he took such good care of you, or because he trusted you to tell you a personal thingâor bothâbut since that night, something changed.
Youâd always admired him, but this was more than that. Your cheeks grew warm whenever he looked at you. You started to feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. And you felt ridiculous. He was your boss, heâd been your boss for five years so why had your feelings changed?Â
The truth was, youâd always had certain feelings for him. Nothing ever happened before because you met him as a divorced man, who only had time for his kid and his job, so at the time, besides your boss, he was a nice face to look at (a very nice face). Then Haley's death came and he shut himself down, drowning himself in work. You started dating Zac soon after, then you didnât have eyes for Hotch anymore. He became who he was: your boss.Â
Now, that both were single, your true feelings for him were coming afloat. Of course, you didnât let them show; how your stomach fluttered at his sudden presence and constant glances. You insisted those were in your head, that heâd always looked at you the same amount or the same way, but when the attraction is reciprocated, thereâs a spark.Â
That spark almost lit up a fire in your chest when he finally showed up. The lights were off, but youâd recognize his silhouette anywhere, and he was walking up to you.
âHey,â he whispered, standing next to you.
âYouâre late,â you whispered back.
âIs Reid here?â
âNo, but we did all the work.â
âIâm⌠the boss for a reason.â
You held back a laugh. Thank god it was dark.
âShhh, there he comes!â Penelope whispered loudly.Â
Everyone moved to their assigned spot and your hand accidentally brushed his in the process. âSorry.â
Itâs okay, he whispered.Â
That accidental touch was the first of many not-so-accidental.
You tried to convince yourself it was all in your head, but he looked at you, paid attention, listened to every word you had to say. He saw right through you.Â
There werenât many moments outside work, though, and that confused you even more. You couldn't ask him to see each other casually. It wasnât something you or he did, and it made you wonder. You wondered. Always. Every day. Every hour. Every time you looked at him you wondered what was going through his mind.Â
Weeks went by where unspoken words were said. Your feet itched to go to his office every time you knew he was going to stay until late. To offer him some coffee, or ask him if he needed help with something but all you always ever did was turn in your reports and linger there for a second or two, hoping heâd ask you to stay.Â
And tonight was no exception. You had your excuse to stay late this time, though. A doctor's appointment forced you to clock in late, and for that, you had to stay to meet your weekly worked hours.Â
Everyone had left, even the janitors.Â
Everyone except for Hotch, of course.Â
You glanced at your watch when you finally finished your last report. It wasnât even an appropriate time to have dinner. You were dreaming of your bathtub and a glass of wine with some cheese.
You stacked your folders and adjusted your skirt before going to Hotch's office to hand them in. You knocked three times and waited for his Come in! to enter the room.Â
You walked in and he wasnât at his desk as he usually was. He was on his couch, with only the lamp lights on; heâd removed his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up right below his elbows.Â
âHey, I⌠I finished my reports.â
He looked at youâstared. You swore a faint smile was curling the corner of his lips. âToss them on my desk.â
You slowly walked in and did as he said. âAre you⌠leaving soon?â you clasped your hands behind you.
âI donât think so.â
âIs there⌠something I can help you with?â You gestured at the folder he was holding.
He paused for a second before replying, âYes, actually.â He scooted to give you space on the couch. âClose the door.â
You did as he said and sat next to him, but not quite close. He put the folder on the coffee table and spread all the documents, filling in every gap.
âChoose,â he said.Â
You laughed. âWhat?âÂ
âOur next case.â
âOh, Iâm not⌠I donât think Iâm qualified to do that, am I?â
âThereâs a reason Iâm asking you to choose.â He raised his brows to make his point.Â
Your eyes flickered between pictures and reports. Neither was worse than the other. âWell, itâs not like I can choose, right? You have to⌠study each one of these murders to decide which one has more priority. Which is⌠a bit twisted. As if one is less important than the other.â
âItâs hard.âÂ
âAnd you do it every time.â
Hotch nodded. âJJ used to do it when she was the liaison. Now she still does when I canât or ask her to since she has the right criteria, but itâs on me now.â He raised his brows as he spoke.Â
Your eyes were stuck on his lips, a sudden urge to kiss him brewing in your chest.Â
âI donât know how you do your job without breaking down sometimes,â you said. He smiled, scanning your face up and down. God, you really wanted to kiss him. âI mean your unit chief job.â You tore your eyes off him and adjusted yourself a bit farther on the couch. You had the perfect view of the side of his head. Â
Hotch leaned forward resting his elbows over his knees and lowered his head. âItâs⌠the one thing Iâm good at.â
âNot the only thing,â you let out a breathy laugh. He turned to you, raising his brows as if he were waiting for you to mention another thing he was good at. âYouâre a great dad, Hotch,â you said without hesitation.Â
âI,â he licked his lips. âI could be better.â
âWe all could be better at everything, doesnât mean weâre bad at it.â
Hotch sighed. âYouâre right.â
âYouâre also⌠good at sports?â
âStop.â He chuckled, lowering his head once again.Â
You rubbed his back by impulse, and you withdrew it right away as you felt him tense up. Your hand tingled at that brief contact and it burnt when he reached for it and enveloped it with his large hand. Your heart rate skyrocketed and all you could hear was your pulse in your ears (not that any of you was saying anything anymore).
He turned his head to you, adjusting farther back so his back would rest on the couch. Your shoulders touched now, and his hand was still on yours and this time, his thumb caressed your knuckles, and his eyes were stuck on your face.Â
The urge to kiss him was flush against your skin.Â
âYou should go home,â he said, swallowing thickly. âItâs late.â
âYeah,â you licked your lips. âI really should.â
He let go of your hand and with the same one, you caressed the side of his head where a few satly strands of hair were gloriously shining. You put the short pieces behind his ear and cradled his face. You held your breath. What the hell were you doing?Â
A pained frown took over his face and he shut his eyes for a second. You wanted to kiss the frown away so you leaned, kissing his cheek. He tilted his face until the tip of your nose was touching his.Â
His shaky breath ghosted your lips.Â
Would a kiss on the lips be so bad?
You were closing the gap before you thought about the answer. Your lips touchedâa soft peckâand there was barely a sound when you pulled away.
âIâm sorry Iââ You placed your fingers over your lips right away.
Hotch wasnât giving you any signs of anything at all and panic began to take over you.Â
God, what have you done?
Your name came out of his mouth in a whisper filled with longing. He was leaning closer. He studied your face from up close as he paused. His nostrils flared and he licked his bottom lip before going for a kiss. Just as tender as yours.Â
At first.
One of his hands found a spot on the side of your thigh while the other went to the back of your neck, bringing you closer and allowing the kiss to intensify. His chin scraped yours with his barely noticeable beard and his lips were gentle despite his sudden urge.Â
Nothing couldâve prepared you for thisâhim kissing you back or reciprocating any sign of affection. But he was, and he was getting so into it his tongue was already teasing yours.Â
A small moan escaped you when he opened his mouth a bit more. Your breathing quickened with each kiss and when your tongues finally tangled together, you lost it.Â
âCâmere.â He murmured against your lips.
You hopped on his lap and gave yourself in. You wrapped your arms around his neck tight and pressed your hips down. It became sloppy with each kiss already and only heavy breathing filled the room. His heavy breathing.Â
He was so needy for you.
This wasnât how you expected your night to go, but you were ecstatic. No matter how far this went, it already was much better than your bathtub.Â
You let go of his lips for a second. You needed to catch some air.Â
âAaron.âÂ
Youâd never called him by his first name. Never, and right then you wished youâd done it sooner. It seemed to have awakened something in him. He groaned into another kiss and grabbed your hips tightly, encouraging you to move them.Â
He liked it. He loved it.Â
You obeyed, grinding him and going back for another kiss. His hands were still shy, hesitantly resting at the curves of your hips. You pressed your hips down. His hard bulge was right there. You couldnât help but bite his bottom lip, cupping his face harshly with both hands as if he could go anywhere. He was a prisoner of your body; you had him caged with your legs and arms and he didnât seem to mind at all.Â
His hands raked down your curves, lower on either side of your hips and slowly traveled down, cupping your ass and guiding you back and forth.Â
Hotchâs lap was heaven on earth.Â
You moaned into a wetter kiss, tongues gliding together. You were embarrassingly loud now. He smiled against your lips.Â
âSorry.â You let out a small, embarrassed laugh, pressing your foreheads together.
His chest was heaving in and out as he tried to regulate his breathing. His hands went up to your lower back and he pulled you close into a tight and tender hug.Â
A sudden clarity hit you. This shouldnât have happened. He was your boss for fucks sake. You were sure, that once you came out of his office, you would lose your job. The one you fought so hard for.Â
âI⌠I have to go.â You slid off his lap and stood in front of him, adjusting your skirt.Â
He was staring up at you through his dark lashes and you couldnât look at him without feeling embarrassed. You wiped your lips clean and took a few steps back.Â
âI am so sorry thisââ You took a few more steps backward on your way to the door and turned all the way, giving him your back.
Hotch stood up, his broad silhouette taking a few steps towards you. He said your name with his deep, deep, oh-so-deep voice as your hand touched the knob. He was right behind you now, his torso glued to your back and his arms wrapped around your waist.Â
You shut your eyes as he inhaled your hair.
You locked the door. Â
âAre you sure?â he murmured next to your ear.Â
All you could do was nod.Â
He flipped you around by your hips, capturing your mouth, body, and soul. This time he groaned like an animal, hungry for you. God, he was desperate and your entire body fluttered. Your knees when weak right when he scooped you by your thighs and walked with you towards his desk, plopping you there while knocking everything down with one hand.Â
No words were necessary. His hands talked for him and the kiss was never-ending. You were a fucking mess already. You were at his will, so open to let him do anything he wanted with you.Â
To you.Â
The air was getting hotter and the layers of clothes began to bother you. His body heat and breath were to blame. He was everywhere.Â
He sneaked one hand in between your legs and gripped your inner thigh, his thick fingers sinking into your flesh. You squirmed over the wood, encouraging him to go a little higher. He did, the tip of his fingers ghosting your panties. They were damp with your arousal already (youâd felt it leak through you when you were kissing on the couch), and by the way he smiled, he could feel it. He lifted your skirt up to your waist and pressed himself onto you, his erection finding your cunt like a magnet. He cursed under his breath, looking down at where your bodies touched the most. But not quite.Â
You wanted to touch him, feel how hard he was. You palmed his thick bulge and gulped. Your mouth went dry as you began to massage the outline of his erection while making eye contact, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.Â
âYouâre driving me crazy,â he whispered.Â
There were so many clothes in the way, making it hard to focus but then he grabbed your jaw and looked into your eyes and whatever was about to come, was the best thing that would ever happen to you.
He sneaked his fingers from the side of your panties, the wet sound of your arousal against his fingers was embarrassing. But it made him drop his head to your shoulder. He cursed again and began to massage you, spreading your arousal all over with his thick fingers. Your cunt clenched, desperate to have him inside you. You cursed under your breath with pleasure as his fingers found your wet entrance. He made circular motions without entering, teasing you.Â
He was driving you insane, too. Â
âHotch,â you murmured, I need you, you wanted to say, but he shushed you. Gently. Tenderly. Shushed you with an open-mouth kiss.Â
You whimpered against his mouth and with clumsy hands, undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, sneaking your hand inside to touch his length. Finally. You whined again at that first touch. His skin was burning.
âWould you fuck me?â you whispered, wrapping your fingers around his length. They barely covered him.Â
âOf course, sweetheart. Just give me a minute. Let me feel you.â
He moved his fingers up and down between your wet folds, feeling you as heâd said. He knew exactly what he was doing, he was skilled, gentle and put the perfect amount of pressure.
But you were growing desperate.Â
âPlease, Hotch.â
He didnât give you any warning and in one fell swoop, he had his length out. Fuck. His cock stood on its ownâthick and longâso close to your cunt. The tip glistened with his arousal.Â
âScoot to the edge,â he ordered.Â
You did as he said and he lined himself at your entrance and barely pushed the head inside. You both let out a quiet moan at the same time.
God, it felt good. He felt good. You both looked down and watched as he slowly entered, inch by inch until he was all the way inside. He looked at you then and you lost it.Â
Aaron Hotchner was fucking you. Aaron Hotchner, whom you admired and respected. Aaron Hotchner, the man who has been messing with your head these past few months.Â
This was an eye-opening experience. Paradise on earth. How have you gone so many years without him? New feelings were brewing in your chest with each thrust, each stare, and each kiss.Â
You gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer as he began to move, rocking his hips back and forth. Youâd milked his dark and thick curls with your arousal already, making each slam sticky to your skin.Â
His cock was exquisite, spreading you open and reaching every right spot.Â
âYou feel so good, fuck, fuck, fuck.â You couldnât resist.Â
He kept fucking you until your butt went numb, you needed to finish but you didnât want this to end. Ever
You showed your discomfort by adjusting over the desk.
Bend over, he whispered on your lips.Â
He kissed you one last time before you hopped off the desk and obeyed, bending over his desk and glancing at him over your shoulder, ready to take him. He squeezed your ass with both hands and lined himself again. He teased you, pulling it out and moving it up and down. You let out a needy hum, wiggling your ass, begging for his cock.
He entered again and this time, he was ruthless. He slammed into you, hard. Then again. And again. Over and over until the only sound in the room was the clash of skin against skin. You had to muffle your moansâand smileâby biting your forearm.Â
Fuck, fuck, fuck. God, Aaron Hotchener fucked good. So good you were seeing stars already and so close to grazing the sky.Â
He bent down too for a moment just to bring you up close into a hug. âCome here.â You already knew he liked having you close.
He sneaked one hand from the front and massaged your clit as his thrust became sloppy. You threw your head back to his shoulder, and he captured the underside of your chin between his teeth.Â
This was it. The beginning of an addiction you never wanted to rid yourself of.
There were a few more slams before he came. Hard. He was a vocal man. Grunting and groaning and cursing quietly as his cock twitched inside you.Â
Your legs were shaking, and if it wasnât because he was holding you, you were sure you wouldâve fallen to your knees. And he didnât let go of you for a moment, his cock still inside you.Â
You needed to know what he was thinking, see his face.Â
You took a sharp breath to speak, but he slipped his cock out and you gasped. His cum dripped down.
âSorry,â he murmured and was quick to clean you with a tissue.Â
You finally turned around and caught a look on his face you hadnât seen before. It wasnât guilt. It wasnât disappointment. But it wasnât a positive thing.Â
âThisââhe began, buttoning his pantsââchanges everything.â He glared at you.Â
You adjusted your skirt and pressed your lips together. âI know.âÂ
âAnd it canât happen ever again.â Your heart dropped to your stomach for a second as he added, âNot here.â A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lip
You pressed your lips together, hiding a smile. Â
âYes, sir. Wonât happen again.â You walked up to him, placing your palm flat over his chest. His heart was still racing. âNot here.â
You kissed him, and he kissed you back.
âShould we, uh, leave together?â you asked, licking your lips.
âI donât think itâs a good idea.â He caressed your cheek with his thumb. âYou can leave first.â
âOkay, Iâll see you tomorrow, then.âÂ
âSee you tomorrow.â He nodded and stole another kiss before you left.
You walked out of the building so put together as if nothing had happened, and kept a straight face until you were inside your car.
âHoly fuck,â you laughed; squealed, almost.
That really happened. You covered your face with both hands trying to come back to earth.Â
You decided to drive off before Hotch appeared in the parking lot, or else you wouldnât resist taking him right there all over again. You replayed what had happened in your head the entire drive and as soon as you made it home, he texted you.Â
I hope you know this isnât something casual or unimportant to me.Â
You smiled. You loved that he couldnât hide his professionalism when texting.Â
I know, you texted back, for me either. Believe me
Good, he replied.
Goodnight, Hotch. Iâll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow came and from the moment you laid eyes on each other, you agreed: no one could know about it.Â
He explained to you, when no one was around, how relationships within the bureau had a reputation. It wouldâve been different if he was at the same level as you, but since he was your superior, it wouldnât be well seen.Â
So this being a secret was more for him than for you, but you didnât mind. It was such a rush. The whole forbidden thing did something to you, which caused you to be horny at work more than once.Â
But he made up for it when you saw each other at his place or yours.Â
There, it was different. You allowed yourself to be softer and he didnât hold back any kiss or touch. His affection confused you, though, since the talk hadnât come up yet. The âwhat are we?â talk, and you didnât want to be the girl who asked that after the second date.
There was sexâlots of itâ, there were dinners, movie nights, and everything couples did, so it made sense if you asked, but you didnât. You didnât want to spoil the magic.Â
Because it was magical, your lives took an awful turn when you got your hearts broken and you both were right at the curve to meet each other. Heâd been there, in front of you this whole time and a fragment of you glued back together every time he stared into your eyes while nothing was said. While he caressed your face and kissed you just because he wanted to. He managed to heal you between the lines, with subtle words thatâd get stuck at the back of your mind.Â
And the more you two met outside workâwhether it was at his place or yours, his bed, or a fancy hotel roomâyour feelings for him intensified.Â
They were worse on nights like these, when you found yourself tangled between sheets with him after sex, talking about anything and everything.Â
He often had an expression of everlasting love.Â
At least, you liked to think that way.Â
âWhat are you thinking?â He asked you with that glimmer in his eyes.
You sucked in a breath and brushed the front pieces of his hair with your fingers. âDid you get Morganâs wedding invitation?â
You donât know why, but he laughed. âI did, yes.â
âI think we should bring a date.â
âWhy?â
âWe have a plus one and⌠I donât know. Iâm gonna be wearing a dress so for your sake, I should have a date. That isnât you.â
âOh, really?â He teased, placing a kiss on your ear.Â
âThis is inappropriate, Agent Hotchner, Iâm your subordinate.â You laughed. You were ticklish there.
âNot when youâre in my bed.â He adjusted himself on top of you, lowering to kiss you. âAnd donât pretend you donât love it.â
You laughed again.Â
You loved it.
Loved him.Â
I hope you liked it!!! Iâd love to hear your thoughts about it too!đ¤â¤ď¸âđĽ
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Now Iâm gonna đđťââď¸đ¨đ¨đ¨đ¨đ¨
I get so anxious whenever I post a fic đŤ
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If You Only Knew | Aaron Hotchner
My One and Only prequel
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x bau female reader
Summary: Broken hearts find each other and in the process, they mend each other.
Word count: 10.7k
Tags/warnings: season 10 Hotch <3; cheating (on reader); food and alcohol consumption; Hotch has a soft spot for reader<3; lazy case talk whoops; canon typical violence; one bed trope; smut: unprotected and dirty office sex (p in v); secret relationship; stolen glances and kisses in forbidden places!!1!
Authorâs note: I donât usually do second parts mostly because I wrap up the story in a single one shot, but while writing the first fic I had this prequel in mind because oh boy, they have HISTORY (which is why it ended up being longer than My One and Only). Both can be read as a stand alone. First fic was based on Dress by miss T. Swift, and this one is like a mash up of every Taylorâs ovulation songs (I listened to this playlist a lot while writing this) đââď¸ Call It What You Want x I Can See You being the main inspo. Or were the songs inspired by them???đ§ itâs just so sexy sexy. Anyway, hope you enjoy!!!!
MASTERLIST
There used to be an engagement ring on your right hand.Â
A bright but simple ring that from the moment it was given to you, had you hopeful about your future. That future had always been uncertain. You rarely pictured yourself more than two years ahead, to begin withâfor many reasons, neither worth mentioningâbut no matter how long your future was, you were sure it was going to be just as bright as your ring.Â
And how wrong you wereâŚ
It hadnât been more than two months since your fiancĂŠ promised you the world when you caught him in a lie. Youâd let it slip away, fidgeting your ring as a reminder that he was the one.Â
If you hadnât ignored the signs, you wouldâve saved yourself from getting your heart ripped out.Â
He cheated, and even worse, you caught him in the act, with another woman in your own bed. You stormed out leaving every door open. Zac came running behind you, yelling your name, but you didnât stop. You ripped the engagement ring off your finger and threw it at him without looking back. That clink of the band bouncing on the pavement was so faint compared to the sound of your castle crumbling, and your prince kept yelling at you to come back.
You didnât. You got in your car and drove off aimlessly.Â
Youâd been driving around the city blasting music since then, and yelling the lyrics hoping youâd go numb. You didnât, but at least you had some clarity.Â
You had nowhere to be. There was no home anymore, no bed to sleep on, and no arms to run to. The place you used to call home now was stained with lies and haunted by another woman.Â
The only place that could shelter you for the night was the BAU. At the end of the day, that was your home. You spent most of your days there with the people you worked with. People who would take a bullet for you. They were your familyâDerek being the one you loved the mostâbut you couldnât run to him or any of them right now. The wound was too fresh and letting them see you like this would be disappointing and just⌠sad. Theyâve always known you as a tough and reasonable woman. How were you supposed to tell them you werenât that smart now that your entire relationship crumbled?
You parked at your usual spot and searched for your emergency go bag in the backseat. It was always stocked with everything you needed for at least a week. You werenât planning on staying at the BAU for an entire week, of course, but also, you never knew. Your ex was capable of lighting your house on fire just to get rid of any evidence of his betrayal so for now, that bag was all you had.Â
You took a deep breath and made your way inside the building. You walked through security as you always did and smiled at the night guard. It was Rick, the oldest of them all but you felt the safest when he was at the door.
âWhat brings you here at this hour, young lady?â Rick adjusted his ivy cap.Â
It was past three in the morning.Â
âPiled up paperwork,â you merely said.Â
And he didnât question you. âOh, sure,â he answered politely with his old, raspy voice. Â
You smiled at him and made your way to the elevator, pushing the number six as you always did. You kicked the bag with your knee until the doors dinged open.Â
Not a single soul received you.
You walked past the glass doors and reached your desk, looking up at Hotchâs office that was right across. He had a couch there that you could use as your bed for a few hours. Everyone has slept there at least onceâ for whatever reasonâand now it was your turn. You marched up the short stairs and paused. You knew his office remained unlocked (he once said that heâd lost the key, but deep down you knew he left it open in case anyone needed somewhere to crash for the night).Â
You knocked, just in case, and once there was no answer, you twisted the knob. His perfume was faint in the airâsoft and woodyâso it was easy to assume heâd left not long ago. You closed the door behind you and walked to the couch, leaving your bag there and turning the lamp on.Â
The dim light triggered the memories of the moment that tore you apart hours earlier: Another woman riding your fiancĂŠ. They even dared to light up romantic candles.Â
Your fucking candles.
âSon of a bitch,â you muttered.
You couldnât help but laugh a little. You wasted three years of your life and now with a cool head, you realized it was in your hands how you handled it. It could either be the best thing that's happened to you or you could let it drag you down.Â
Right then, you decided the first option was the only one. You stood there, both hands on your hips, your chin up and took a deep breath, filling your lungs with air until your chest swelled.Â
This was going to be the only night youâd let yourself mourn your relationship. No tears. Just you and a glass of scotch. It wasnât your drink of choice but it was all Hotch kept in his office and you knew exactly where he kept the bottle (right under his espresso machine GarcĂa had gotten him for his birthday a couple of years ago). You crouched down and opened the little cabinet. The bottle was almost full and you wondered if it was brand new or if he rarely drank. You shrugged it off. You poured yourself some and began pacing around his office.
Youâve been here a million times and youâd never paid much attention to all the things he had. There were quite a few awards granted by the bureau displayed on the wall behind his desk; a bunch of books, too. You ran your fingers through them as you walked from end to end. He had a picture of Jack and Haley over his desk and you looked around, searching for a picture of Beth. Your eye landed on her contagious smile, over the little table by his couch. You walked there to get a better look at the picture. She was looking at the camera and he was looking at her. Youâd met her a few times and it was nice seeing Hotch in love again. After Haley, everyone thought heâd refuse to let someone in again, but when love knocks on your door thereâs not much you can do.Â
You sighed deeply and placed your empty glass in front of the picture. The alcohol was making you sleepy so you made yourself comfortable. You went to brush your teeth, put on your pajamas and fuzzy socks, made a blanket out of your blazer, and used your folded pants as a pillow.
You rubbed your feet together. It wasnât a cold night, but you wished you didnât have to spend it alone.Â
The constant sound of a pen scraping on paper gradually woke you up.
Shit.Â
You meant to sleep only a few hours and have Hotchâs office as it was before he got here; pretend youâd gotten there earlier than everyone. You mustâve slept through your alarm.Â
You slowly squinted your eyes open and caught Hotch sitting at his desk, brows low in deep thought.
How long has he been there?
âHotch.â You rubbed your eyes and sat upright. âHi. Sorry, Iâ What time is it?â
âEight-thirty,â he answered, never taking his eyes off the file.
So you didnât sleep through your alarm.Â
âWhen did you get here? I didnât hear you.â
âA few minutes ago.â He put the pen down and lifted his head to look at you. His face softened.Â
He didnât seem upset about you invading his office but you still felt the need to explain yourself. âI, uh, stayed until late last night and I was too sleepy to drive andââ You realized mid-sentence how bad you were lying.
But he let you.Â
âItâs not a problem, you can always sleep here. As long as itâs not already taken.â He stared at you for a moment, rubbing his thumb with the rest of his fingers. You wondered how bad you looked. How bad everything seemed. âIt has a foldable seat,â was all he said, gesturing at the couch. âThereâs a blanket under it.â
âOh, thanks. It wasnât that cold.â You braced yourself.Â
It was cold now.
âYou can sleep for another hour,â he added.Â
âWe donât have a case?âÂ
âNo.â He glanced at the open door and then back at you. âNot yet anyway.â
Then why was he here so early?
You smiled at him and began to gather your things anyway. âThank you, but I still should go. Iâm⌠invading your space.â
âOh, please. Donât worry about it,â he said before going back to work on his paper.Â
Even if he didnât mind you sleeping there while he worked, you did. You stood up, stretched your neck a bit, and began to fold all of your clothes, putting them back in your bag.Â
You felt his eyes on you every once in a while and just when you grabbed the evidence of your late nightâthe empty glass of scotchâhe asked, âIs everything alright?â
You looked at him. There was that soft look again.
âYeah, I justâŚâ you trailed off, fidgeting with your now invisible ring. âYeah, Iâm okay.â
He didnât have to say anything. He knew. You knew he knew just by that look he gave you. Wise. Emphatic. The âIâve been there beforeâ look.Â
He opened his mouth to add something, but his phone buzzed on the table, making him tear his eyes off you. He sighed as his brows lowered.
âNow we have a case?â You asked and he nodded. âIâll put on some work-appropriate clothes, then.â You looked down at your pajamas.
âTake your time. Weâll meet in thirty.â
The jet took off and the clouds were never-ending.Â
Two women had been abducted (and murdered) already in Fort Myers before you were invited to investigate. Victimology and M.O. were discussed and you barely said a thing. Your mind kept wandering off to the night before and how miserable you felt. The phantom of betrayal was still heavy on your shoulders.Â
Hotch sat next to you during the three-hour flight, and the only thing he said to you that wasnât work-related was: âWould you like some coffeeâ, to which you gladly accepted. His eyes, though, kept asking if you were okay.Â
Minutes before the jet touched the ground, your phone caught some signal and began to buzz uncontrollably against the table. You already knew who it was so you didnât bother to glance at the screen, you just sighed in annoyance and put your phone in your pocket. You felt Hotchâs eyes on you again and you tried your best to ignore him.
Right now, he was your boss, not your friend.Â
The moment the jet doors opened, the dense, humid air stuck to your skin. Everyone groaned in annoyance.
âUgh, I hate Florida,â Emily commented.Â
You didnât mind it. You needed a bit of heat and sun, hoping theyâd woosh away the gray cloud over your head.
Hotch assigned everyoneâs tasks for the day and partnered you up with Morgan to interview the victimsâ families. Smart move. It was known that Morgan was your person inside the team, and even if he didnât know about your heartbreak right now, heâd surely find out soon after spending the day with you. Thatâs what Hotch wanted. For you to have someone to talk to if you wanted.
You wouldâve preferred to be out in the field instead of inside an office, that way youâd have more distractions. Right now, as you talked to one of the victimâs husbands, your only distraction was your phone. Your ex started to call you again and spam-texting you. He was getting on your nerves and you couldnât quite focus on your job. The one that you considered was your forteâwhen it came to good people.Â
These men werenât good people. They were exactly like your ex.Â
And they got on your nerves.Â
Morgan shot you a frown as he walked the last person out of the office, âWhatâs going on with you? You almost punched the guy.â He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.
âI wouldâve if you hadnât caught me.â You rolled your eyes.Â
âIâm being dead serious, whatâs going on with you?â
âHe called his dead wife a whore, Morgan.â
âIâm not just talking about this. All morning youâve been acting weird.â
There was his big brother attitude.
You sighed, shaking your head. You couldnât not tell him. So you told him. Some of it. âZac and I are fighting. He keeps calling but Iâm not gonna answer yet. Heâs gonna have to wait until Iâm back.â
âWhat did he do?â He asked, brows shooting up with concern.Â
You walked to the small coffee station the sheriff had set up for the team. âWeâre just fighting.â You poured yourself some coffee. You couldnât tell him everything. He was friends with Zacâand a really good one.Â
âI donât buy that,â Morgan insisted. âI know what your fights look like. This isnât a fight over how he didnât do the dishes.â
You hated how well he knew you. You and Zac. It was sad to think there wouldnât be any more double dates with him and Savannah.Â
âI donât want to talk about it yet,â you merely said.
Morgan let out a huff and glared at you in silence. âAlright.âÂ
He respected you and didnât bug you any more about it. And neither did Zac, thankfully. The messages and phone calls stopped but even then, you couldnât get your mind off whatever he wanted to say.Â
The day went by painfully slowly. Not many leads were found and the unsub seemed to have gone dormant, which meant the investigation was done for the day.Â
Hotch, JJ, and Rossi were still finishing up a few things with the sheriff, and you decided to wait for them outside, sitting on the sidewalk. There was a dinner reservation at the hotel at nine. It was thirteen past nine and youâd been running on five cups of coffee.Â
Your stomach rumbled.Â
Steps came from behind. Morgan silently sat next to you and handed you a protein bar. He sat close, his arm touching yours. âZac called me.âÂ
âGood for him.â You didnât bother to look at him. Instead, you began to pick your nails. You werenât hungry anymore.Â
âAnd he told me.â Derek placed one hand over yours, stopping you from destroying your nails.Â
You shot him a look. âWhat did he tell you?â You asked because you didnât think Zac would rat himself out to Morgan.Â
âIâm on your side,â he said. âHeâs my friend, but youâre my sister. Heâs dead to me now.â He quirked his brows.Â
âWhat did he tell you, Morgan?â
âThat you caught him cheating.âÂ
The disappointment on his face was as clear as the night sky. Â
You tore your eyes off him and sighed.
âI was so stupid.â You rubbed your forehead. âI caught him in lies multiple times and I brushed them all off. Like a part of me wanted that to happen,â you confessed.Â
âWhat do you mean? That you didnât want to marry him?â
âI⌠I donât know.â You looked back at Derek. Now that the truth was out you needed to talk about it. Maybe that way you could realize it was all your fault. âI loved him, and he was a great guy but at some point, after the engagement and before the lies, I stopped seeing a future with him. So I guess itâs my fauââ
âNuh-uh.â Derek interrupted you, placing a finger over your lips. âHe did this,â then booped your nose.Â
You couldn't help but smile. âYeah but I stopped being⌠a girlfriend to him,â you explained, moving your hands around to make your point. âI came home late, heâd wait for me with dinner but I just⌠stopped seeing him.â You sighed. It really was your fault to some extent now that you talked about it. âHe sought the attention I stopped giving him on someone else. I donât want to be like that. I donât want⌠to be the person who just works and canât balance it with personal life.â
âItâs tough.âÂ
âYeah, but you seem to make it work with Savannah.â You nudged his arm.
They had the kind of love you aspired to have one day.
âIt took us a while, but we made it work. Still do. Itâs a good thing she also has a time-consuming job. She just gets it. But it takes a lot of effort from both parties.â
You nodded in agreement. âZac and I are over. This isnât something we can talk about and get through and forget or forgive. He betrayed me.âÂ
Derek hung one arm over your shoulder and kissed your temple. âI know.â
âAt least I donât have to plan a wedding anymore. It seems exhausting.â
âOh, believe me, it is.â
You gasped and pulled away to look at him. He had a grin on his face now. Thatâs what you needed. A smile from him even if it made you forget for just a moment. âWhat? What does that mean? Did you propose?!âÂ
âWhoa, whoa.â Emily came from behind and joined the conversation right away, standing in front of you. âWhoâs proposing?â
âMorgan,â you were quick to respond. Anything to avoid anyone else knowing youâd been cheated on.
âShhh!â He stood up, signaling you both to shut up with a finger over his lips and looking around to make sure no one else heard. âIâm planning to, alright. Don'tâŚ. Freak out. She can say no.â
âSheâd be silly to say no,â Emily laughed a little. âAre you kidding?â
âYouâre already planning the wedding,â you laughed too while standing up. âDonât pretend you expect her to say no.â
âOf course, sheâs gonna say yes.â Derek grinned. âIâm just playinâ.â
On the way to the hotel, the team split into two SUVs and Hotch kept glancing at you through the rearview mirror at every red light and stop sign, with that know-it-all look, a pinch of concern. He was worried about you (and soon to be pissed for the stunt you pulled earlier).Â
You got a triple room with Emily and JJ and you didnât give them a chance to make any conversation with them since dinner was canceled. You threw your bag over your bed and headed to the rooftop. You figured itâd be the only place none of the team would be. You needed fresh air, and you felt ready to talk to Zac. You reached the rooftop and pulled out your phone. Just the thought of hearing his voice tightened your throat. But you had to. You needed to know what he had to say.
You dialed his number and some agonizing butterflies still managed to flap their wings at the pit of your stomach with that first âheyâ on the other line. Tears welled up in your eyes. Your only witness was the moon hanging above and she wouldnât judge you, so you finally allowed yourself to feel it.
His voice was a stab to your heart and a soft sob got caged in your throat. He said he was sorry, that he missed you, that he loved you. That you will always be the love of his life and that he knew heâd lost you. You muffled your sobs against your hand and once he was done talking, all you could reply was âokayâ.Â
Then you hung up.
âDamn it.â You let your phone slip through your fingers to cover your eyes with one hand while you braced yourself with the other arm.Â
You stood thereâfor who knows how longâuntil a pair of unfamiliar arms enveloped you from the front. Their scent, though, was like homeâfaint and woody bathing you whole. You nestled against their chest and it only made you cry even more.Â
âShh. Itâs okay.âÂ
Hotchâs voice snapped the knife out of your chest and he wasnât about to let you bleed out. With one hand he caressed the back of your head, giving you soft scratches. The other rubbed your upper back with short and tender strokes. You werenât planning on crumbling and you surely didnât expect Hotch to be the one comforting you, but it felt right. You needed a hug and a gentle voice telling you it was okay to feel like this.Â
Your entire relationship flashed before your eyes. You were mourning its death, after all., and there was no going back from it. You wouldnât do that to yourself and had to accept that his laugh would eventually fade away from your memory and his eyes would no longer shine because of youâthey havenât for a while.
You peeled yourself from Hotchâs chest and noticed how his shirt was damp with your tears.
âSorry, Iââ you sniffed; looked up at him.
His soft eyes scanned your face for a moment. âDo you want to talk about it?â they asked, a sweet frown taking over his face.Â
âYou look like you need a drink,â he said instead.
You chuckled, nodding, even when the after-crying headache was creeping up on you. You wouldâve taken the elevator to the first floor, but Hotch guided you through the staircase.Â
âWere you up there when I got there?â you asked him.Â
âNo, I went there to clear my head and⌠found you standing there.â
After all these years working with him, he was still the hardest to read. âIs something bugging you?â you asked him.Â
âNo.â
Okay, then. You understood it wasnât something he wanted to talk about (with you).Â
You reached the first floor and headed to the bar. It wasnât crowded, and Rossi was already there. You two joined him, each at either side of him.
âAh, FBI agents,â Rossi told the bartender, taking a sip of his drink. âYouâre not gonna interrogate me, are you?â he then asked you two.
âI donât know. Should we?â Hotch asked with a tint of humor.
âYou should interrogate her.â He gestured at you by twitching his mouth in your direction. âI heard she almost punched one of the victimâs husbands.â
âThanks, Rossi.â You glared at him, and he couldnât have cared less.Â
âIs that true?â Hotch asked you, leaning a bit forward to glance at you over Rossi, even when the wall in front of you was a whole mirror.Â
âGoodnight, kid.â Rossi slid off his stool. âNight Hotch. Keep an eye on her.â
âGreat.â You glared at him again. âJust throw the grenade and run away.â He just laughed and waved a dismissive hand. He had clearly had quite a few drinks so you couldnât blame him much.
âIs that true?â Hotch asked again.
âHe was a jerk,â you responded, sipping on your drink.Â
âThat has nothing to do with it. Jerk or not, you canât be acting like that.â His frown grew strong but his voice remained as soft as when he was comforting you moments earlier.Â
âHe cheated on her, Hotch.â You shot him a look through the mirror. âThatâs why she went out and got abducted. Murdered.â
âI understand that, but we push our feelings aside, you know that.â
âI know.â You pinched the bridge of your nose. âJust⌠let it go, please. You know I wonât do it again.â
âOf course you wonât.â He took a short sip of his drink and looked forward, making eye contact with you through the mirror. âYouâd be off the case if you pull something like that again.âÂ
A light bulb lit up over your head right then.Â
âDo you think thatâs why the unsub is targeting the victims?â You grabbed his forearm with excitement. âBecause they got cheated on?â
You were right and your tragedy helped save the last woman the unsub had abducted. You wrapped up the case with a bittersweet taste.Â
On the flight home, Morgan sat next to you, and for some reason, you wished Hotch had sat there.
You searched for him on the jet and heâd chosen to sit farther back. You wanted to thank him for comforting you when he didnât have to, and as if heâd read your mindâ
Good job todayâHe textedâI know this was a particularly difficult case for you.
You lifted your head and caught him looking at you. You smiled at him as a response.
It was difficult, but it also helped you heal a little.Â
Morgan nudged your arm gently, gesturing for you to take your headphones off.Â
âHm?â you raised your brows.
âAre you planning on going home now?âÂ
You sighed. âI have to.â
âYou can stay with me for a few days. Savannah would be thrilled to have you over.â
âThank you but I think thatâd make me feel⌠small? I have to see him eventually. And Iâd rather get it over with soon.â You smiled at him. âAfter that conversation, though, Iâm not sure if Iâll have a place to stay so Iâll let you know if I need a place to crash for the night.â
âIâll be there, then.â
When you made it to your place, Zac was waiting for you with dinner. You wouldâve laughed, but you were too exhausted to even smile at him.Â
âIâm just here to get my things,â you said, walking past him to your room.
You smelled fresh paint on your way there, and you really laughed then. Heâd repainted the whole thing. Did he think changing the wall color would make you forget what happened there?Â
âItâs your favorite color.â Zac stood at the door.
âYouâre unbelievable.â You scoffed.
You threw all your belongings in two suitcases and left.Â
To never come back.
âYouâre getting discharged.â Hotch drew open the curtain of your cubicle.
âWhat? What about Morgan?â You sat upright, keeping the ice close to the bump on your head. Youâd been in a car crash in the middle of a prosecution. âIs he okay?â
âHeâs fine. He just dislocated his shoulder.â
âWell, the doctor said I canât fly, let alone drive.â You rolled your eyes. âSo whoâs driving me back to Quantico?â
âI am.â You couldnât help but let out a huff. âYeah, Iâm not excited about it either.â
âItâs seventeen hours, Hotch. You donât have to. Iâm sure I can take an overnight bus or something.â
âYouâre not taking any bus. You got a brain bleed. Someoneâs gotta be there if something happens.â He glared at you. âGather your things. Iâll bring the car. A nurse will walk you out.â
Your things were only your badge and gun. Everything else was still at the hotel, so you assumed you were going to make a stop there before hitting the road back to Quantico. Â
You were officially discharged by your doctor minutes later and youâd underestimated Hotchâs efficiency. Heâd already gone to the hotel to get your things. He even bought snacksâyour favorite snacks.Â
You reclined your seat and threw a blanket over you. Your head was much better but it still hurt despite you being high on painkillers.
âAre you cold? Do you want me to turn the heater on?â
âNot cold.â You assured him. You just wanted to make yourself cozy. âHotch, I donât know if Iâm gonna handle a seventeen-hour drive.â
âI know.â He gave you a quick glance. âI donât think I will either. Weâll make a stop if you need to. Just let me know.â
You dozed off and on during the first two hoursâyour eyes darting to Hotchâs firm hands on the steering wheelâuntil it started raining. Normally, you wouldâve been on high alert since you werenât a fan of driving when it rained, but it was Hotch who was driving. And he was a great driver.Â
The sound of the thick drops hitting the windshield turned out to be a perfect lullaby and helped you fall into a deep and cozy slumber. A dream began to take over your mind at some point but it didnât become one entirely.Â
Loud noises dragged you out of it.
You blinked your eyes open. You were parked on the side road, and the rain wasnât normal rain anymore. It was loud, hitting the rooftop like daggers. You feared it might fall through.Â
âAre those hailstones?â You adjusted the seat back straight.
âNot yet,â Hotch responded. âBut we canât keep driving like this. I can barely see past the hood. Itâs too dangerous.â
âIâm no weather expert but Iâm sure thereâs a storm coming.â
Hotch nodded in agreement. âWeâll have to make an emergency stop.â He pulled out his phone and typed something. âThereâs a motel 3 miles away. We can spend a few hours there until the storm passes.â
âYou just said itâs dangerous to keep driving.â
âItâs more dangerous to stay here or on the side of the road. Plus you need to rest. Itâs been a long drive already.âÂ
Long? You glanced at the clock on the radio.Â
âItâs been six hours already?!â Your eyes widened.
It didnât feel like it, though.
âYou snored half of it.â He teased, his soft dimples making their first appearance of the night.
âI did not,â you laughed a little.Â
You knew he was just kidding, but you clearly needed those hours of deep sleep. Your headache was much better now.
Hotch kept the blinkers on as he started driving again, slowly until the map on his phone signaled him to turn right.Â
There was a blue-light vacancy sign glitching.Â
âThis is it?â you asked. The place looked straight out of a horror film and the dark sky didnât help.
âYou stay here,â Hotch ordered. âIâll check if they have any rooms.â
You didnât disagree and locked the doors once he stepped out. Just in case.Â
Minutes later, your phone buzzed.
Thereâs only one room available, Hotch texted you.Â
Two beds? you texted back right away.
King, he replied.
Great. It was either sharing a bed with Hotch or staying in the car.
I donât mind if you donât, you texted. It shouldnât be that big of a deal. Then you added, weâll only be here a few hours until the rain stops, right?
Yes. Donât move. Iâll come get you, he replied.
You gathered your things within reach, as gently as possible so your brain wouldnât get all scrambled by sudden movements and unlocked the doors for Hotch.
He opened the door and ducked his head inside. âItâs the farthest room,â he raised his voice over the loud rain.
âThatâs fine,â you matched his tone. âLetâs make one trip. I can carry my things.â
âYou sure?â he frowned in an attempt to keep the rain out of his eyes.
âIâm fine. Donât worry.â You nodded and stepped out of the car.Â
Once you had your things and Hotch had his, he took the lead with you walking fast behind him with your head low. You both were already drenched so there was no point in running.Â
The room was better than what you expected. It welcomed you with warm air, one bed, a small desk facing the window, an old TV, and a bathroom. They even had a small station with a kettle and tea/coffee, and the heater was on
You stripped out some of your clothes right next to the heater and changed your muddy shoes for your slippers.Â
âDo you mind if I take the bathroom first?â You asked him.
âNot at all,â Hotch replied, ridding himself of some damp clothes.
You walked past him with your bag and locked yourself in the bathroom. You unlocked it right away. What if you passed out? It was going to be a quick shower to regulate your body temperature, but with a brain injury, you never knew.Â
You were in and out of it in less than ten minutes and Hotch had already changed his clothes to sweatpants and a white t-shirt. It was always so strange seeing him out of his suits.
âAre you hungry?â He asked, hanging his clothes on the improvised drying rack he made out of the single chair and desk and placing it close to the heater.Â
âA little.â You sat on the left side of the bed.
Hotch grabbed the snack bag and displayed what heâd bought over the bed. Along with your favorite snacks were some fruits and two instant noodle soups. The first time you pulled out one of those, Reid told you all about them and how they were some of the most cancerous foods there could be, but they were a guilty pleasure and you didnât eat them often.Â
âTake your pick,â he said. âIâll take a shower now.â
He was being a good caretaker to you and you trusted him so all you had to do today and tomorrow was obey him. You could shut your brain down when Hotch was around. Â
You turned the TV on to have some background noise and put on the news. The weather had been catastrophic already in some parts and they said it was going to last at least eight more hours. It was 8 pm so you didnât mind waiting all night for it to pass. It was a cozy room, after all.
You prepared yourself the instant soup and sat cross-legged on the bed. Your phone buzzed against the mattress.
Howâs your head? Morgan texted.
Better. Your shoulder?
I have a good doctor at home so Iâll be alright. Howâs the trip going?Â
The sky is falling here. We had to make a stop for the night.Â
Sharing a room with the boss? ;)Â
You didnât know why he would say that or why you would lie about your answer, but you lied.Â
Of course not! Weâre gonna wait for the rain to pass before hitting the road again.
You hit send right when Hotch came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.Â
You put the phone down. âThereâs still hot water in the kettle.â
You rarely saw him eat, and since all he bought were things you liked, you assumed he liked them too. He prepared his soup as well and sat on the other side of the bed.
âIt looks pretty bad.â He glanced at the TV.
âThey said itâs gonna last all night.â
Something was odd about him now. Maybe it was the fatigue of the trip that hit him after the shower. But he kept looking at his phone and putting it down. You saw him clench his jaw more than once.Â
âEverything okay?â You had to ask.
He gave you a look.Â
Everything was not okay.
He hesitated a moment, twisting the noodles with his fork but never taking a bite.Â
âBeth got a job offer in Hong Kong.â Oh. âAnd sheâs boarding the flight now.â Oh, no. âShe asked my opinion before taking the job offer.â He smiled, though it didnât reach his eyes. âOf course, I encouraged her to take it. Itâs a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.â
You didnât want him to regret his choice about encouraging herâshe put him between a rock and a hard placeâbut you had a string of questions about it. What if she asked for his opinion because she wanted to stay and settle, but needed him to say it? Â
âSo you let her go,â you said instead and he nodded. âHowâs Jack handling it?â
âShe talked to him, we took him to Orlando for the weekend and he understood it butââhe sighedââI know itâs been hard on him, too.â You couldnât imagine how his son was feeling. He was a kid and heâd lost someone, too. âBut we ended it on good terms.â He raised his brows.Â
âWhy did you offer to drive me home?â You asked. âYou could be there with her by now. At the airport.â
âWe said our goodbyes.â He shook his head and looked down. âIt wouldâve made it more painful.âÂ
You hummed in agreement. âThey say if you love someone, you let them go. If they come back, it means theyâre truly yours.â He looked at you. âShe could come back.â
His eyes were glassy. For some reason, you felt he was thinking about Haley, too. He was once again losing someone he lovedâby choice this time but losing her nonetheless.
âSorry,â he sort of laughed. âIâm talking about my heartbreak whenâŚâ
When you were recently heartbroken too.Â
âDonât worry about me. Iâmââ
âFine,â he finished your sentence. âOf course you are.âÂ
âIâm over it and I laugh about it now. I wasted three years of my life. My good years.â You chucked. âIt's funny now.â
âItâs not. And you still have a few more good years ahead of you?â He commented, confused.
You talked as if your youth was already over but you had a good reason. âYeah, but Iâm not gonna be as hot as I was when I met him.â He smirked. âHe went for a younger woman.â You then added.Â
âYounger?â He raised his brows.Â
âI know. I think thatâs why I feel old. But she was a 25-year-old trainee.â
âThatâs not much younger than you.âÂ
âYou flatter me.â You let out a small laugh. âI just⌠Why do men always go for the younger woman?â
He took a subtle deep breath. âIââ
âGenerally speaking,â you added. âMen who cheat go for a younger woman.â
âI donât know but Iâm sure Reid can give you all the statistics about it.â
âYeah,â you scoffed. âI donât wanna hear them.âÂ
You let out a yawn, and soon Hotch did too. You two agreed in silence it was time for bed already.
âItâs not cold in here so Iâll sleep over the bed covers,â he commented.
âHotch, you donât have to. I donât mind, honestly. Iâve shared beds with most of our team.â
âAlright,â he let out a small laugh, raising his brows.Â
The rain stopped around 5 am and within thirty minutes you both were up and ready to hit the road again. There were ten hours ahead of you and this time you didnât feel the need to sleep through it. You slept like a baby last night and also, talking to Hotch was really nice, and he seemed well-rested too.Â
You stopped for a quick breakfast two hours in and had it in the car to optimize time. Throughout the drive, there were talks about the landscapes and weather and heâd throw in some random stories about his brother, or Haley and Jack when something reminded him of them. Â
Your favorite was how he and Jack had a tradition whenever it rained: chocolate chip cookies. And how Jack had already decided that he was going to do the same with his kids one day.Â
And the more the clock ticked, the more you wished heâd slow down his speed (even when he was going just below the limit). You didnât want the trip to end, but it had to eventually.
Around 3 pm. Hotch was dropping you off at your place.
âItâs a nice neighborhood,â he commented. Only Derek had had the chance to visit your new place.
âIt is. Itâs mostly old people that live here so itâs very quiet all the time.â You smiled. Silence filled the air for a moment. You missed him already. âHey, I know weâre both exhausted but⌠would you like to come in? We can make some decent lunch.â
Hotch took a subtle deep breath. âI would. Iâd love to but⌠Jackâs waiting for me. I was supposed to arrive yesterday and he was excited to see me. I⌠Iâm picking him up at school after this.â
âOh, yeah, of course.â You gulped. Stupid.
Why did you feel nervous around him all of a sudden?
âMaybe some other time?â He asked.
Your stomach fluttered.Â
âDefinitely.â
Spencer was turning 33, and Penelope thought throwing him a surprise birthday party was a good idea. She asked everyone to show up earlier than usual to decorate a conference room. You were the first one to show, then one by one everyone arrived.Â
The only one you wanted to see walking through the door, though, wasnât the birthday boy. It was Hotch.Â
After the gloomy night at the motel, Hotch became a permanent thought. You didnât know if it was because he took such good care of you, or because he trusted you to tell you a personal thingâor bothâbut since that night, something changed.
Youâd always admired him, but this was more than that. Your cheeks grew warm whenever he looked at you. You started to feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. And you felt ridiculous. He was your boss, heâd been your boss for five years so why had your feelings changed?Â
The truth was, youâd always had certain feelings for him. Nothing ever happened before because you met him as a divorced man, who only had time for his kid and his job, so at the time, besides your boss, he was a nice face to look at (a very nice face). Then Haley's death came and he shut himself down, drowning himself in work. You started dating Zac soon after, then you didnât have eyes for Hotch anymore. He became who he was: your boss.Â
Now, that both were single, your true feelings for him were coming afloat. Of course, you didnât let them show; how your stomach fluttered at his sudden presence and constant glances. You insisted those were in your head, that heâd always looked at you the same amount or the same way, but when the attraction is reciprocated, thereâs a spark.Â
That spark almost lit up a fire in your chest when he finally showed up. The lights were off, but youâd recognize his silhouette anywhere, and he was walking up to you.
âHey,â he whispered, standing next to you.
âYouâre late,â you whispered back.
âIs Reid here?â
âNo, but we did all the work.â
âIâm⌠the boss for a reason.â
You held back a laugh. Thank god it was dark.
âShhh, there he comes!â Penelope whispered loudly.Â
Everyone moved to their assigned spot and your hand accidentally brushed his in the process. âSorry.â
Itâs okay, he whispered.Â
That accidental touch was the first of many not-so-accidental.
You tried to convince yourself it was all in your head, but he looked at you, paid attention, listened to every word you had to say. He saw right through you.Â
There werenât many moments outside work, though, and that confused you even more. You couldn't ask him to see each other casually. It wasnât something you or he did, and it made you wonder. You wondered. Always. Every day. Every hour. Every time you looked at him you wondered what was going through his mind.Â
Weeks went by where unspoken words were said. Your feet itched to go to his office every time you knew he was going to stay until late. To offer him some coffee, or ask him if he needed help with something but all you always ever did was turn in your reports and linger there for a second or two, hoping heâd ask you to stay.Â
And tonight was no exception. You had your excuse to stay late this time, though. A doctor's appointment forced you to clock in late, and for that, you had to stay to meet your weekly worked hours.Â
Everyone had left, even the janitors.Â
Everyone except for Hotch, of course.Â
You glanced at your watch when you finally finished your last report. It wasnât even an appropriate time to have dinner. You were dreaming of your bathtub and a glass of wine with some cheese.
You stacked your folders and adjusted your skirt before going to Hotch's office to hand them in. You knocked three times and waited for his Come in! to enter the room.Â
You walked in and he wasnât at his desk as he usually was. He was on his couch, with only the lamp lights on; heâd removed his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up right below his elbows.Â
âHey, I⌠I finished my reports.â
He looked at youâstared. You swore a faint smile was curling the corner of his lips. âToss them on my desk.â
You slowly walked in and did as he said. âAre you⌠leaving soon?â you clasped your hands behind you.
âI donât think so.â
âIs there⌠something I can help you with?â You gestured at the folder he was holding.
He paused for a second before replying, âYes, actually.â He scooted to give you space on the couch. âClose the door.â
You did as he said and sat next to him, but not quite close. He put the folder on the coffee table and spread all the documents, filling in every gap.
âChoose,â he said.Â
You laughed. âWhat?âÂ
âOur next case.â
âOh, Iâm not⌠I donât think Iâm qualified to do that, am I?â
âThereâs a reason Iâm asking you to choose.â He raised his brows to make his point.Â
Your eyes flickered between pictures and reports. Neither was worse than the other. âWell, itâs not like I can choose, right? You have to⌠study each one of these murders to decide which one has more priority. Which is⌠a bit twisted. As if one is less important than the other.â
âItâs hard.âÂ
âAnd you do it every time.â
Hotch nodded. âJJ used to do it when she was the liaison. Now she still does when I canât or ask her to since she has the right criteria, but itâs on me now.â He raised his brows as he spoke.Â
Your eyes were stuck on his lips, a sudden urge to kiss him brewing in your chest.Â
âI donât know how you do your job without breaking down sometimes,â you said. He smiled, scanning your face up and down. God, you really wanted to kiss him. âI mean your unit chief job.â You tore your eyes off him and adjusted yourself a bit farther on the couch. You had the perfect view of the side of his head. Â
Hotch leaned forward resting his elbows over his knees and lowered his head. âItâs⌠the one thing Iâm good at.â
âNot the only thing,â you let out a breathy laugh. He turned to you, raising his brows as if he were waiting for you to mention another thing he was good at. âYouâre a great dad, Hotch,â you said without hesitation.Â
âI,â he licked his lips. âI could be better.â
âWe all could be better at everything, doesnât mean weâre bad at it.â
Hotch sighed. âYouâre right.â
âYouâre also⌠good at sports?â
âStop.â He chuckled, lowering his head once again.Â
You rubbed his back by impulse, and you withdrew it right away as you felt him tense up. Your hand tingled at that brief contact and it burnt when he reached for it and enveloped it with his large hand. Your heart rate skyrocketed and all you could hear was your pulse in your ears (not that any of you was saying anything anymore).
He turned his head to you, adjusting farther back so his back would rest on the couch. Your shoulders touched now, and his hand was still on yours and this time, his thumb caressed your knuckles, and his eyes were stuck on your face.Â
The urge to kiss him was flush against your skin.Â
âYou should go home,â he said, swallowing thickly. âItâs late.â
âYeah,â you licked your lips. âI really should.â
He let go of your hand and with the same one, you caressed the side of his head where a few satly strands of hair were gloriously shining. You put the short pieces behind his ear and cradled his face. You held your breath. What the hell were you doing?Â
A pained frown took over his face and he shut his eyes for a second. You wanted to kiss the frown away so you leaned, kissing his cheek. He tilted his face until the tip of your nose was touching his.Â
His shaky breath ghosted your lips.Â
Would a kiss on the lips be so bad?
You were closing the gap before you thought about the answer. Your lips touchedâa soft peckâand there was barely a sound when you pulled away.
âIâm sorry Iââ You placed your fingers over your lips right away.
Hotch wasnât giving you any signs of anything at all and panic began to take over you.Â
God, what have you done?
Your name came out of his mouth in a whisper filled with longing. He was leaning closer. He studied your face from up close as he paused. His nostrils flared and he licked his bottom lip before going for a kiss. Just as tender as yours.Â
At first.
One of his hands found a spot on the side of your thigh while the other went to the back of your neck, bringing you closer and allowing the kiss to intensify. His chin scraped yours with his barely noticeable beard and his lips were gentle despite his sudden urge.Â
Nothing couldâve prepared you for thisâhim kissing you back or reciprocating any sign of affection. But he was, and he was getting so into it his tongue was already teasing yours.Â
A small moan escaped you when he opened his mouth a bit more. Your breathing quickened with each kiss and when your tongues finally tangled together, you lost it.Â
âCâmere.â He murmured against your lips.
You hopped on his lap and gave yourself in. You wrapped your arms around his neck tight and pressed your hips down. It became sloppy with each kiss already and only heavy breathing filled the room. His heavy breathing.Â
He was so needy for you.
This wasnât how you expected your night to go, but you were ecstatic. No matter how far this went, it already was much better than your bathtub.Â
You let go of his lips for a second. You needed to catch some air.Â
âAaron.âÂ
Youâd never called him by his first name. Never, and right then you wished youâd done it sooner. It seemed to have awakened something in him. He groaned into another kiss and grabbed your hips tightly, encouraging you to move them.Â
He liked it. He loved it.Â
You obeyed, grinding him and going back for another kiss. His hands were still shy, hesitantly resting at the curves of your hips. You pressed your hips down. His hard bulge was right there. You couldnât help but bite his bottom lip, cupping his face harshly with both hands as if he could go anywhere. He was a prisoner of your body; you had him caged with your legs and arms and he didnât seem to mind at all.Â
His hands raked down your curves, lower on either side of your hips and slowly traveled down, cupping your ass and guiding you back and forth.Â
Hotchâs lap was heaven on earth.Â
You moaned into a wetter kiss, tongues gliding together. You were embarrassingly loud now. He smiled against your lips.Â
âSorry.â You let out a small, embarrassed laugh, pressing your foreheads together.
His chest was heaving in and out as he tried to regulate his breathing. His hands went up to your lower back and he pulled you close into a tight and tender hug.Â
A sudden clarity hit you. This shouldnât have happened. He was your boss for fucks sake. You were sure, that once you came out of his office, you would lose your job. The one you fought so hard for.Â
âI⌠I have to go.â You slid off his lap and stood in front of him, adjusting your skirt.Â
He was staring up at you through his dark lashes and you couldnât look at him without feeling embarrassed. You wiped your lips clean and took a few steps back.Â
âI am so sorry thisââ You took a few more steps backward on your way to the door and turned all the way, giving him your back.
Hotch stood up, his broad silhouette taking a few steps towards you. He said your name with his deep, deep, oh-so-deep voice as your hand touched the knob. He was right behind you now, his torso glued to your back and his arms wrapped around your waist.Â
You shut your eyes as he inhaled your hair.
You locked the door. Â
âAre you sure?â he murmured next to your ear.Â
All you could do was nod.Â
He flipped you around by your hips, capturing your mouth, body, and soul. This time he groaned like an animal, hungry for you. God, he was desperate and your entire body fluttered. Your knees when weak right when he scooped you by your thighs and walked with you towards his desk, plopping you there while knocking everything down with one hand.Â
No words were necessary. His hands talked for him and the kiss was never-ending. You were a fucking mess already. You were at his will, so open to let him do anything he wanted with you.Â
To you.Â
The air was getting hotter and the layers of clothes began to bother you. His body heat and breath were to blame. He was everywhere.Â
He sneaked one hand in between your legs and gripped your inner thigh, his thick fingers sinking into your flesh. You squirmed over the wood, encouraging him to go a little higher. He did, the tip of his fingers ghosting your panties. They were damp with your arousal already (youâd felt it leak through you when you were kissing on the couch), and by the way he smiled, he could feel it. He lifted your skirt up to your waist and pressed himself onto you, his erection finding your cunt like a magnet. He cursed under his breath, looking down at where your bodies touched the most. But not quite.Â
You wanted to touch him, feel how hard he was. You palmed his thick bulge and gulped. Your mouth went dry as you began to massage the outline of his erection while making eye contact, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.Â
âYouâre driving me crazy,â he whispered.Â
There were so many clothes in the way, making it hard to focus but then he grabbed your jaw and looked into your eyes and whatever was about to come, was the best thing that would ever happen to you.
He sneaked his fingers from the side of your panties, the wet sound of your arousal against his fingers was embarrassing. But it made him drop his head to your shoulder. He cursed again and began to massage you, spreading your arousal all over with his thick fingers. Your cunt clenched, desperate to have him inside you. You cursed under your breath with pleasure as his fingers found your wet entrance. He made circular motions without entering, teasing you.Â
He was driving you insane, too. Â
âHotch,â you murmured, I need you, you wanted to say, but he shushed you. Gently. Tenderly. Shushed you with an open-mouth kiss.Â
You whimpered against his mouth and with clumsy hands, undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, sneaking your hand inside to touch his length. Finally. You whined again at that first touch. His skin was burning.
âWould you fuck me?â you whispered, wrapping your fingers around his length. They barely covered him.Â
âOf course, sweetheart. Just give me a minute. Let me feel you.â
He moved his fingers up and down between your wet folds, feeling you as heâd said. He knew exactly what he was doing, he was skilled, gentle and put the perfect amount of pressure.
But you were growing desperate.Â
âPlease, Hotch.â
He didnât give you any warning and in one fell swoop, he had his length out. Fuck. His cock stood on its ownâthick and longâso close to your cunt. The tip glistened with his arousal.Â
âScoot to the edge,â he ordered.Â
You did as he said and he lined himself at your entrance and barely pushed the head inside. You both let out a quiet moan at the same time.
God, it felt good. He felt good. You both looked down and watched as he slowly entered, inch by inch until he was all the way inside. He looked at you then and you lost it.Â
Aaron Hotchner was fucking you. Aaron Hotchner, whom you admired and respected. Aaron Hotchner, the man who has been messing with your head these past few months.Â
This was an eye-opening experience. Paradise on earth. How have you gone so many years without him? New feelings were brewing in your chest with each thrust, each stare, and each kiss.Â
You gripped the back of his head and pulled him closer as he began to move, rocking his hips back and forth. Youâd milked his dark and thick curls with your arousal already, making each slam sticky to your skin.Â
His cock was exquisite, spreading you open and reaching every right spot.Â
âYou feel so good, fuck, fuck, fuck.â You couldnât resist.Â
He kept fucking you until your butt went numb, you needed to finish but you didnât want this to end. Ever
You showed your discomfort by adjusting over the desk.
Bend over, he whispered on your lips.Â
He kissed you one last time before you hopped off the desk and obeyed, bending over his desk and glancing at him over your shoulder, ready to take him. He squeezed your ass with both hands and lined himself again. He teased you, pulling it out and moving it up and down. You let out a needy hum, wiggling your ass, begging for his cock.
He entered again and this time, he was ruthless. He slammed into you, hard. Then again. And again. Over and over until the only sound in the room was the clash of skin against skin. You had to muffle your moansâand smileâby biting your forearm.Â
Fuck, fuck, fuck. God, Aaron Hotchener fucked good. So good you were seeing stars already and so close to grazing the sky.Â
He bent down too for a moment just to bring you up close into a hug. âCome here.â You already knew he liked having you close.
He sneaked one hand from the front and massaged your clit as his thrust became sloppy. You threw your head back to his shoulder, and he captured the underside of your chin between his teeth.Â
This was it. The beginning of an addiction you never wanted to rid yourself of.
There were a few more slams before he came. Hard. He was a vocal man. Grunting and groaning and cursing quietly as his cock twitched inside you.Â
Your legs were shaking, and if it wasnât because he was holding you, you were sure you wouldâve fallen to your knees. And he didnât let go of you for a moment, his cock still inside you.Â
You needed to know what he was thinking, see his face.Â
You took a sharp breath to speak, but he slipped his cock out and you gasped. His cum dripped down.
âSorry,â he murmured and was quick to clean you with a tissue.Â
You finally turned around and caught a look on his face you hadnât seen before. It wasnât guilt. It wasnât disappointment. But it wasnât a positive thing.Â
âThisââhe began, buttoning his pantsââchanges everything.â He glared at you.Â
You adjusted your skirt and pressed your lips together. âI know.âÂ
âAnd it canât happen ever again.â Your heart dropped to your stomach for a second as he added, âNot here.â A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lip
You pressed your lips together, hiding a smile. Â
âYes, sir. Wonât happen again.â You walked up to him, placing your palm flat over his chest. His heart was still racing. âNot here.â
You kissed him, and he kissed you back.
âShould we, uh, leave together?â you asked, licking your lips.
âI donât think itâs a good idea.â He caressed your cheek with his thumb. âYou can leave first.â
âOkay, Iâll see you tomorrow, then.âÂ
âSee you tomorrow.â He nodded and stole another kiss before you left.
You walked out of the building so put together as if nothing had happened, and kept a straight face until you were inside your car.
âHoly fuck,â you laughed; squealed, almost.
That really happened. You covered your face with both hands trying to come back to earth.Â
You decided to drive off before Hotch appeared in the parking lot, or else you wouldnât resist taking him right there all over again. You replayed what had happened in your head the entire drive and as soon as you made it home, he texted you.Â
I hope you know this isnât something casual or unimportant to me.Â
You smiled. You loved that he couldnât hide his professionalism when texting.Â
I know, you texted back, for me either. Believe me
Good, he replied.
Goodnight, Hotch. Iâll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow came and from the moment you laid eyes on each other, you agreed: no one could know about it.Â
He explained to you, when no one was around, how relationships within the bureau had a reputation. It wouldâve been different if he was at the same level as you, but since he was your superior, it wouldnât be well seen.Â
So this being a secret was more for him than for you, but you didnât mind. It was such a rush. The whole forbidden thing did something to you, which caused you to be horny at work more than once.Â
But he made up for it when you saw each other at his place or yours.Â
There, it was different. You allowed yourself to be softer and he didnât hold back any kiss or touch. His affection confused you, though, since the talk hadnât come up yet. The âwhat are we?â talk, and you didnât want to be the girl who asked that after the second date.
There was sexâlots of itâ, there were dinners, movie nights, and everything couples did, so it made sense if you asked, but you didnât. You didnât want to spoil the magic.Â
Because it was magical, your lives took an awful turn when you got your hearts broken and you both were right at the curve to meet each other. Heâd been there, in front of you this whole time and a fragment of you glued back together every time he stared into your eyes while nothing was said. While he caressed your face and kissed you just because he wanted to. He managed to heal you between the lines, with subtle words thatâd get stuck at the back of your mind.Â
And the more you two met outside workâwhether it was at his place or yours, his bed, or a fancy hotel roomâyour feelings for him intensified.Â
They were worse on nights like these, when you found yourself tangled between sheets with him after sex, talking about anything and everything.Â
He often had an expression of everlasting love.Â
At least, you liked to think that way.Â
âWhat are you thinking?â He asked you with that glimmer in his eyes.
You sucked in a breath and brushed the front pieces of his hair with your fingers. âDid you get Morganâs wedding invitation?â
You donât know why, but he laughed. âI did, yes.â
âI think we should bring a date.â
âWhy?â
âWe have a plus one and⌠I donât know. Iâm gonna be wearing a dress so for your sake, I should have a date. That isnât you.â
âOh, really?â He teased, placing a kiss on your ear.Â
âThis is inappropriate, Agent Hotchner, Iâm your subordinate.â You laughed. You were ticklish there.
âNot when youâre in my bed.â He adjusted himself on top of you, lowering to kiss you. âAnd donât pretend you donât love it.â
You laughed again.Â
You loved it.
Loved him.Â
I hope you liked it!!! Iâd love to hear your thoughts about it too!đ¤â¤ď¸âđĽ
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Give me a few more minutes đŤ formatting the way I like is harddddd
NEW FIC IN AN HOUR YALLLLLL đĽł
Itâs the only thing Iâve been talking about lately but just so you know, itâs the prequel of My one and only. you donât have to read that one before reading the new one but I highly suggest you do!
Stay tuned đ¤
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NEW FIC IN AN HOUR YALLLLLL đĽł
Itâs the only thing Iâve been talking about lately but just so you know, itâs the prequel of My one and only. you donât have to read that one before reading the new one but I highly suggest you do!
Stay tuned đ¤
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Hehehe đŽâđ¨đŚđŚđŚđŚ
Thought Iâd share this tik tok to cheer you up đ¤đŚ
(I suggest putting on headphones on before playing it or just make sure no one else can hear itđ)
UMMMMMMâŚ..OMGGGGGG????????????????
my legs are shaking??????????? i listened to this an embarrassing amount of times đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨ bestieâŚthank you for sharing đĽľ
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How tight does he need his shirts... đđđ
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The Prophecy being track 26 is so personal to me
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Anyway
Happy april 29th for my swiftie fellas đ
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Well⌠thereâs three of us. Thatâs enough to make a support group đđ
Oh no
Iâm at that place again where I struggle reading other peopleâs fics because it makes me feel self conscious about my writing đ
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Iâm gonna throw up this fic reads like an actual criminal minds episode. Hotchâs characterization is perfect and the oc is so !!!!!!!!!! đĽš
Just saw the most amazing tik tok of a fic writer promoting her Hotch x oc fic and đđđ I wish I could to that art with my OCs đđđđ
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