drunktextstomybestfriend

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

Fleabag | 2x06

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

So much is happening that I want to tell you about.

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

I love you and I do not know how to simmer it down. This is all or nothing. But all is not what you think it is.

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

You complained to our mutual friend that I would text you “I miss you” in the middle of the night, what kind of friend would act that way. You were confused.

S., I miss you. And I’ve just realized that you never understood what I meant by that.

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

Remember when we were sitting in my car in the middle of the night, somewhere on a busy road in my second home country on a Friday night. You had followed me all the way here. You were crying your eyes out and said “How can you be so strong? Why don’t you cry, why doesn’t this do anything to you?” You were angry at me. I’m crying now, S., I’m crying now and you’re not here to see it.

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

This hurts like heartache. Early on this year, I already lost a friend and that hurt like hell. I wonder why people don’t usually associate friendship with heartache but here it is. It is painful. Do you think we’ll ever sit next to each other giggling again? My shoulder touching yours? Upside down on the bed? Cooking in the kitchen? Sitting on our porch? Wandering around the park? Making you drink beer that you don’t like? Staying up until 5am?

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

Can you feel my claw marks on you yet?

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

That last one might have been bad. But forgive me, I haven’t written anything in years. What I wanted to say is that I love you and I do not know how to simmer it down. You think our friendship is a downgrade while I think it is the complete opposite. I am afraid we will lose everything. I don’t know how to keep fighting. What is the next move?

#friendship #love #romantic friendship #platonic friendship

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

I had hoped for a fairy tale ending. I know, I can hear how hopeless that sounds but listen, it is not as cliche as you might think it is.

What’s your favorite memory of this summer? I am asking because I wanted to be around you as much as possible. It is okay to admit that it hurts. I loved you and you didn’t even notice. Sure, it wasn’t the kind of love that you had wanted me to feel but was it not love nonetheless? You never had any idea of its dimensions. I had hoped for a fairy tale ending. The imagination of a friendship that ran deeper than anything. Ten years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I sprayed the words “You’re in my veins” in red spray paint on a wall somewhere in the suburbs in my home country. I felt our love vibrate in my bones. I was young and naive and inexperienced and oh so in love. When you and I met, I didn’t want us to be anything less than that. I wanted us to be indestructible. I wanted us to be so real, so in love that nothing could’ve brought us down. I wanted to feel you in my bones but without all the hurt of conventional love. I wanted us to be fearless. I wanted us to be stronger than anything ever before. I childishly believed in us. I believed that all the times that I had found love were preparing me for this moment. Were preparing me to grasp the grandness of it all. I thought we would fearlessly hold our heads up high and fight the world together. How’d we end up turning against each other?

Remember when I told you that romantic love was selfish and friendship wasn’t? Why'd you let our love be selfish? We could've been phenomenal. We could’ve been a fairy tale.

#friendship #love #romantic friendship #platonic friendship

[drunktextstomybestfriend]

Okay. I haven't been on here in years. I am also years older now, but I want to give this another try. This has always been my corner of the internet, so why not reclaim it. My head is still as foggy as it was when I was fifteen. Why did I ever give up on blurting my thoughts out into the void of the internet anyways? Well, we might never get an answer to that question - or will we - but here I am. Back at it. With some heartache. Very different from the one I had been writing about initially as a teenager, a what they call young adult. But here it is. Have it all.

Hello.

#hello again #heartache #mycorneroftheinternet #backto2010 #can you hear me