drowninginthepond

[drowninginthepond]

i see we have reached that time every 2 to 3 years when this entire tag completely forgets/warps the meanings of words and instead of just doing absolutely any research, just says incorrect information with their whole chest with the false confidence of a child emporer so here's a little reminder

empathy is broken up into 2 components. cognitive empathy and affective/emotional empathy

cognitive empathy is the ability to correctly identify and intellectually understand the emotions of others. an example would be, ur friend has lost a relative and has been upset and down recently. u recognize their lack of engagement and low energy and need for time alone as them processing that grief, u understand why they are upset after the death of someone they cared for. none of this requires u to personally feel any emotions, it is an intellectual understanding and is therefore something people learn through experience with others. it is connected to emotional literacy and understanding human behavior

affective/emotional empathy is an involuntary and uncontrolled mirror response. it exists in social species to help strengthen bonds and encourage emotional understanding, and is when u very literally experience the emotions of others. an example would be, ur friend has lost a relative and is upset, and u mirror their emotional state and share in their grief. u feel pain and sadness and loss alongside them, u cry, u need time alone to process, u not only understand why they are upset, but u urself are also upset as if this was happening to u as well. this is an involuntary response, it cannot be taught or learned, and it cannot be conciously or actively turned on or off by the person experiencing it. u feel these emotions reguardless of if u want to or not. it is instinctual the same way yawning is. yawning is theorized to be a type of affective empathy and the instinctual response to yawn after seeing someone else yawn is an example of mirroring

all human beings are capable of cognitive empathy. it is a skill that can be taught and learned. most people learn this skill in childhood, others when they are older, but there is no limit to when u can learn to understand this

emotional empathy on the other hand, is much more complex. people experience this on a spectrum, like most things. trauma hugely impacts our ability to feel emotional empathy, and it is a common and standard symptom for victims of abuse to develop empathy dysfunctions. this can include anything from empathy "turning off" or "shutting down" which describes a fluctuating state of empathy within a person. they can have empathy for some people or situations but not others and is highly connected to their specific trauma. its a defense mechanism, these people often had their empathy weaponized against them and used to abuse them, so their brains learn to stop feeling it in order to protect themselves, like building up a pain tolerance some people lose the ability to emotionally empathize entirely after abuse, and cannot expereince empathy reguardless of the person or situation. sometimes this is temporary and with enough healing and time away from abuse they can regain that ability, others do not and never experience it again. and some people are born without the ability to emotionally empathize at all and have never expereinced it (like some autistic people, this is again a spectrum)

cluster b disorders cover a range of empathy dysfunction, but they do all expereince it. hpd is usually catagorized with short, temporary interruptions/dysfunctions and can almost always regain the ability to emotionally empathize, bpd and npd usually have fluctuating empathy that turns on and off, in bpd it is much more likely for that to become lifelong, whereas with npd it is more likely to be able to regain full empathy, and lastly aspd is catagorized by a complete break and lack of emotional empathy that is not able to be regained

and absolutely none of that is connected to ur treatment of others. empathy is not an action, it is solely about ur own internal emotional expereince or lack thereof. it has nothing to do with how u respond to others, how u handle situations, or ur ability to act compassionately or with care and consideration for those around u. it is solely about ur own personal internal emotional expereince in response to other peoples emotions

hope that helps

#i still dont know if my complete lack of affective empathy is due to autism or trauma

[drowninginthepond]

I hope my casual arrogance is off-putting and I hope my continued successes upset you, and I hope my intelligence baffles you into a jealous rage, and I hope my effortless charisma and stunning good looks drive you to a state of envy-induced apoplexy.

[drowninginthepond]

Symptom poll time. You know the drill. Self-diagnosed people are welcome to this poll, reblog for a bigger sample size.

Please share your experiences in replies and reblogs. I made this because usually HPD is left out of the empathy conversations about our cluster so I am hoping to see why, and maybe help boost HPD experiences with empathy a bit.

I forgot a fluctuating empathy button despite experiencing it myself. Please go with what you experience most often.

#npd with no/low empathy #cant even mask this

[drowninginthepond]

It's hard for me to relate to the insecurity talk in NPD because for me, as a grandiose narc with anger issues, it was never about "feeling worse than others and desperately wanting to people please". It was always about anger and dismissal if someone doesn't appreciate me because what do they know; you could call me a stereotypical narc.

I think my NPD took a toxic turn very early because for me it was always "if I'm seen as the bad guy, I will be the fucking BEST at it" and "I don't care enough about your opinion to take your criticism, I am confident that I will always be the best at what I do". Maybe it comes from my perfectionism (as a personality trait) and the fact that I go lengths to ensure I am never a "failure", but it was just never about insecurity to me.

If anything, NPD fueled my arrogance - and it's not always a good thing, but it's been working well enough for me: in my sphere of work, you have to be confident and sell yourself. It also boosted my confidence and made me even more stubborn than I am; but never anxious or insecure. So, I find it hard to relate to the discussions of insecurities as a major part of NPD: for me, the disordered sense of self-value manifests as overestimation rather than the opposite.

#finally some grandiose narcs around here i cant relate to all that jazz either #its so awkward to talk to people about insecurites and you just sit there like #yeah i have none . #<- obviously disordered but like LOL

[drowninginthepond]

guys, actually, narcissists do kill.

a few months ago i met this narcissist and they rizzed me up (manipulation) so i went into their house and like they had the biggest cock ive ever seen and i choked so hard i had to be taken to the ER. im lucky to have survived

[drowninginthepond]

hey fellow pwNPD i have a question. do you guys lack sympathy, empathy, or both (or neither)? i find that even when i can put myself in other people’s shoes so to speak, sometimes i just don’t care lmfao. like i have absolutely no sympathy and i feel apathetic. wondering if any other fellow narcissists can relate.

#i dont have affective empathy for emotions but i have it for physical stuff lol #aside from that i have a huge ethical backbone and sense of justice #so feeling anything for the other person for me is irrelevant #because im too busy acting according to ethics

[drowninginthepond]

Being an artist with NPD has gotta count as some sort of torture

#LOL

[drowninginthepond]

I think a major part of destigmatizing narcissism is realizing that it's okay that we have stereotypically "bad" characteristics.

narcissists are arrogant, self-obsessed, egocentric, insecure, antagonistic, callous, irritable, so on and so forth. some of us (such as Myself) are all of these things, and every one of us fits at least some.

anti-narc sanism will never truly be addressed if those who defend us say "they're not selfish/attention-seeking/uncaring! they're just traumatized and struggling," because that's just not true.

most of us are those things because we're traumatized/struggling; these conditions aren't mutually exclusive, but directly influence and cause each other.

non-narcissists are allowed to have flaws, and we should, too. we don't deserve basic decency because we're selfless, compassionate souls hidden under a layer of traumatized self-service, but because we're still people regardless of how we think and feel.

#i think the theyre just sad little babies on the inside clichee is even worse than #the narc abuser clichee #the latter is funny but the first is just annoying

[drowninginthepond]

Another bit of personal experience with NPD: de-intensifying thoughts.

You're probably going to have more luck with this in professional psychiatric setting because this entire process works better in guided and controlled environment, but it isn't necessary. Personally, I have a good amount of self-control and that helps. It might not work for you, just keep in mind there are other methods out there.

The idea is in diminishing intensity of emotions, thoughts, and conclusions once you notice that you're hit by a strong feeling or conviction:

"Everyone loves me" -> "There are people who love me and there are people who don't love me. There's also a great chunk of people who don't know me and it's illogical to expect them to like me without meeting/knowing me."

"Everyone hates me" -> "There are people who dislike me, but there are also people who cherish and love me. I am not worthless just because someone dislikes me."

"I failed at XYZ, which means I can't ever do anything right" -> "Failure is part of the process. The greatest minds of our generation had mistakes, bad days, poorly accepted art, etc. I am not talentless just because of one mistake."

"I haven't gotten supply in a while, I have to leave" -> "They might not know that I need attention as I didn't make it explicit. I can initiate spending time together or directly tell them I need to hear XYZ. I am not being fair."

"X disagrees with me, meaning their opinion is worthless" -> "They might disagree with me, but it doesn't mean they have no worth. If anything, someone willing to healthily debate with me is a person worthy of respect".

"Only MY opinion matters" -> "Actually, it will be really embarrassing if I end up being wrong. Very few opinions are worth dying on that hill. Keeping middle ground and establishing reasons why I lean towards X and not Y might be the best option".

"I have shown vulnerability, which means they see me as weak" -> "Most people do not consider vulnerabilty a weakness. In fact, me showing my true emotions most likely made them proud of me. I do not have to continue opening up if I'm uncomfortable, but it isn't a mistake that I did".

And so on. The hardest part is going to be to catch the emotion when it comes over. I don't have advice on how to become more mindful aside from actively paying attention to how you feel over the course of the day/week/month, etc. Maybe journal or create mind maps for your feelings. Whatever works for you, really.

This is loosely based around the general logic behind transference focused psychotherapy, which is something that can be used for treating NPD, as I recently learned. I am not a psychiatrist and my therapy is self-applied. With that being said, do your homework and don't trust me blindly.

P.S. Yet again, this is not universal advice so use your brain.

[drowninginthepond]

NPD tags are filled to the brim with people repeating the mantra of "narc abuse" not being real and while it's true, it isn't real, we've gotta focus on offering actual help to pwNPD. Destigmatizing NPD is great but let's talk about how to fucking handle it too.

With that being said, here's my contribution on how to prevent/lower the likelihood of a narc crash:

Journal or tell your closest ones about your emotions, even if they feel miniscule. Every negative emotion counts. This might seem obvious but pwNPD are very prone to ignoring our emotions in favor of getting supply. Look, I know you "can handle it" and "only weak people have emotions" but you're a person and you have fucking emotions. It's more embarrassing to handle the post-effects of your crash than to try to prevent it, trust me.

After a crash happens, reflect on what actually caused the feeling of insecurity/distress that led to it. Sometimes it's other people, unfair criticism, or both plus our inherent feeling of needing to match a social standard. Try to figure out what caused it and either distance from the trigger or find a way to limit its access to you. Maybe next time, you will be more prepared for the oncoming emotional flow.

Limit who can criticize you. I guess it's harder for those of us with public pages online but actually limit who the hell has a right to critique you. Not everyone is a good critic. Some people will tell you shit just to upset you. Sometimes people won't be obligated to give you any attention at all. It fucking sucks but limiting the number of people who have the RIGHT to affect you might help. For me, it was a rule: What I think and what my FP think matters, everyone else can disappear.

Find means of reminding yourself how great you are. Do you need to admire yourself in the mirror? Reread that sexy post you made? Look at your art again? Check the notes on your favorite aesthetic post? Do you need to reflect on how many people have admired you over lifetime or, maybe, how many compliments you heard last time you did XYZ? Be fucking vain.

Overall, narc crash isn't something that one can entirely predict or prevent, but it's how we react to it that matters. Warning your loved ones that you require attention/supply, taking care of your damn body so you don't overexert yourself for others, and being mindful of your own emotional reactions might help.

Not everyone is going to have the mental capacity to stop themselves from overreacting/communicating poorly, but as long as you learn from your past mistakes you should be fine. Good luck.

P. S. I hope you're all big boys and now I do not mean this to be some sort of universal advice. It helped me, and maybe it will help you too.

#its extremely difficult for me to recognize these feelings in the first place #like as a grandiose narc youre so dissociated from this side of you that you cant properly grasp it #so im working on reflecting before i get into automatized acting

[drowninginthepond]

[drowninginthepond]

NPD culture (possibly not npd culture though. if it's a sign of some other disorder or just a personal trait i would appreciate it if smart people who know psychiatry told me)

Is having a very weird relationship with loss and regret? Even the simplest kind. You miss a day in school when your friends were having fun? Crash. You missed some event that wasn't really important to you but you COULD theoretically be there and get some random profit you didn't get? Crash. You wasted time on something and someone said it "went down the drain" or in other ways took notice to that? Crash crash crash. I can't handle any type of "opportunity loss" types of situations or any situations when you lose anyone or anything because it fills me with some deep-rooted emotions I can't fully understand but they make me want me to vomit out my intestines

.

#i have this so bad too

[drowninginthepond]

X (2022) dir. Ti West Pearl (2022) dir. Ti West MaXXXine (2024) dir. Ti West

[drowninginthepond]

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

[drowninginthepond]

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.

#the npd journey lol

[drowninginthepond]

me, hoping no one ever listens to these "how to help your npd friend" posts because all the stuff on there would actively make me worse: 😀

#npd

[drowninginthepond]

Delusional??? You mean my confidence