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2AM thoughts

I am self-sabotaging and I need to control my mindset and the way I think about things that are long in the past. I need to stop thinking about things that drive the unhappiness inside me. I need to continuously practice forgiveness and positivity and remember that I am human and that while it is okay to hurt, I must move on for good. 

#will this actually work?

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Worthy(?)

I have a lot of things to be grateful for. I know I am being ungrateful when I say I am unhappy. But I can’t shake this feeling of persistent unhappiness. It honestly feels like a bottomless well - just when I think I’ve hit the bottom, there’s more. 

I want to tell myself that I am deserving of happiness. I am enough. I do work hard. I feel extremely deeply. I think about all the mistakes I’ve made and tell myself I won’t do it again, I’ll be cautious. Sometimes I think about whether or not I am really a good person. I know I’m not perfect, but I know my heart is real and the care I have for people is genuine. I feel relieved that this is the answer I reach every time. I am scared of not being good enough, and this has always been the case. 

I feel like in some ways the last few years have really stretched me. I am stretched and thin and worn. I am tired. I feel like I am not as resilient as I’d like to be. I need to remind myself to forgive myself and forgive others. Practice self love and all that. To not denote my self worth in regards to whether or not I get a clerkship at this or that firm. 

I am thankful for some of the people I have in my life who put up with the constant barrage of craziness that comes out of my mouth and brain. I am in awe of their patience. I am not very patient with myself - another thing I’d like to work on.

I don’t know. I guess this is the season of feeling inadequate. 

#honestly word vomit

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– Ernest Dowson

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I mean, if it looks like love, kinda feels like love, seems like it is love - is it love? 

Sometimes I feel like you are the best person I have ever met. Your care and kindness seeps through. Your love feels enveloping and whole. And other times, I can’t help but see you as inextricably flawed, in ways I cannot reconcile. I don’t know if you are the one for me. But I think I may love you anyway. Or I may be delaying the inevitable. I truly can’t tell. 

What does this mean though? For us? For me? Am I destined to live out this chapter of my life with you, and leave it at that? Am I destined to be with you forever? 

#confused #lol

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Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

Submitted by icexdiamond.

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u know that feeling deep in your tummy where u just dont feel comfy and u feel sad and sort of want to cry but not about anything specific its like your entire body is just upset and unnerved all the way to the core almost like ur just longing for something but dont know what

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“You who swallowed a falling star, o’ heartless man, your heart shall soon be mine.” — HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE (2004) dir. Hayao Miyazaki

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lee hi - breathe (2016)

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like. objectively. living in that time period would SUCK but victorian stuff is so, so, sexy. i want to be sent off to boarding school because i’m too rowdy in an attempt to make me stop embarrassing my family only to enter into a tempestuous love affair with my roommate before drowning in the grounds lake.

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You’re better off being alone than being with someone who makes you feel alone.

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“This poem is the poem about how I lost you before I even had you.”

— Karese Burrows, from “After We Kissed,” L'Éphémère Review (no. II, November/December 2017)

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“You could have had me forever if you had wanted me,”

— Iris Murdoch, from “Under The Net,” published c. September 1954

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So what if you’re alone right now. Embrace it. Go get coffee alone. Shop alone. Drive alone. Watch movies alone. Get to know yourself. Nothing bad can come from riding whatever wave to self improvement you’re blessed with in the moment.

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I’m sorry but homophobia and racism aren’t opinions