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When you parents say, “I don’t have a son.”

Ow. That hurts a little.

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The realization that you are not a good person before.

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Past

The world have funny ways of showing you how you had failures in the past

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Partnership

You become infatuated with another. You have ecstasy. It plummets only to realize that it comes back up. You begin to feel a roller coaster ride but with each time it comes down, it is less likely to come down as hard as the first attempt. It begins to plateau and each person becomes tolerant of one another. Not exactly ecstasy but happy nevertheless. They person passes away. Your life becomes like hell. Every night, you only dream of that person whom you miss, and everyday you miss the person whom you dream of. You wish this nightmare ends.

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2018

This will be the year that I will be successful AND feel successful. “What would you do if you were not afraid?” will be my mantra. I will show everyone and even myself that becoming someone is within my reach.

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When Tom Fowkes tells his friends in Pennsylvania that he commutes to work in Oakland, they all tend to react in the same way:

“You work in California? Are you nuts?!”

And he couldn’t disagree more. The Kaiser pediatric nurse began his bi-weekly trip to work 9 years ago, and, he is happy to report, it “has changed my life.”

When Fowkes was working as a nurse in Pennsylvania, he had to work three jobs, barely made ends meet and never saw his son because he was working all the time. Now that he works at Kaiser, he says, “I am making California money and I live very nice.”

Those in the Bay Area who find it a challenge often forget wages in this region are much higher than many parts of the country. At SFGATE, we’ve been telling stories of locals who have moved to distant states where they can afford to buy a home, or even rent a place that doesn’t cost over half their salary.

But Fowkes feels like he can have it all, the California money and Pennsylvania’s cheaper cost of living. The difference in wages is so big that even with the cost of flying across country four times a month, it’s a no-brainer.

“These are the highest paid nursing jobs on the planet,” he says, referring to his job at Kaiser. “I make more than some doctors do back home.”

He got his first taste of California several years ago when he came out on a travel assignment with an agency. After his agency job ended, a friend introduced him to Kaiser, where he had an interview and got hired the same day.

In his early days at Kaiser, he would work six -12-hour shifts in a row and then fly back to Pennsylvania for two weeks. But “that would be kind of brutal. By the sixth day, I was kind of burnt out.”

At the time, he was sharing a trailer in Concord with a nurse from Mississippi. The trailer was small but all he needed was a place to sleep and shower since he was spending all his time working.

Nowadays, his schedule has softened a bit. He works 12-hour shifts on Monday and Tuesday every week and then 12-hour shifts every other weekend. It works out to 36 hours a week and after he has worked his 72 hours, he heads back to his home near Pittsburgh.

Fowkes says other nurses are living the long-distance commuter’s life. On the floor he works on, Fowkes estimates that 10 percent of the workers travel from other places. Most are like him, Kaiser employees who work on a per diem basis, which gives them greater schedule flexibility but no benefits.

Fowkes took the Kaiser job for the money. But he wasn’t sure he could take all the flying. “Now it has become so routine I don’t even think about it,” he says.

“I can’t believe I’ve been doing it for 9 years. It seems like 4 or 5. It’s changed my life. I spend more time with my son. And when I’m home and I don’t work, we can do things because I have money now.”

And, he adds, he also has a new $160,000 swimming pool.

Ya boy living in the year 4000

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Ludens (https://twitter.com/Kojima_Hideo/status/874525591210401793)

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I won’t regret anymore

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Wonderwall

I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my Wonderwall

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Opening Up

I miss you Charmaine... I miss you Solly... and I miss you Angel. 

I cannot believe Angel drove to San Diego and bought a ticket on a whim just to hang out with us... What do you really want Angel? Is it me? Or is it John? Or maybe it was just to have fun. 

I miss how we used to play around your home. I missed how we hanged out in your house when we were barely kids. Do you miss me? Do you...? I am so sad... Did you really meant it when you said that you liked me? Or was it really a fluke when you had said it? I don’t dare to make you mad at me again. Maybe, I am a “little shit.”

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The Outsider in Tales from Dunwall

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video games challenge→ favorite locations [3/9]

the clockwork mansion  ▷ dishonored 2

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Dreaming Imposters

I dreamt that I had scanned the whole school in order to enter a class full of medical students. I entered confidently, and the professor looked at me and said,  “Ahem... and you might be...?” He was lecturing about the hormonal relationship between the GI and the cardiovascular system. As I scanned the whole room, I noticed that everyone seemed intelligent. I introduced myself and told him that I am a new student. He scanned me from bottom to top before returning with the lecture. 

I quickly grabbed a seat in front of the class and sat down. I would hear his lecture barely recognizing his words or worldly knowledge. What I realized deep down inside was that I didn’t understand his concepts and vocabulary. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was an imposter in comparison to all these students attending. There is two things that this dream tells me:

1) I am still very passionate about the medical field. I love to treat patients. Treating is what I would like to do and not the paperwork that physicians are forced to do. Physicians should spend more time with the patient than paperwork, and yet the system forces the doctor to spend the majority of their time with paperwork rather than treating.

2) Though I am out of school, I am still struggling with imposter syndrome. I may tell myself and others that I am a doctor, but I never truly believe it. I don’t believe it. I don’t.

A little side note, the lecturer is someone whom I am familiar with. Sometimes, I dream that I am this man lecturing others and sometimes he simply lectures me. I am not too sure what or who he is but prior to entering college, one of my GFs had reported to me that I sat up in the middle of the night to jabber about some biology concept I didn’t know at that time. As I try and recollect the bits and pieces of memory of that night’s dream, I remember that I dreamed that I was him and describing to my colleagues how to prevent aging. I spouted out concepts and vocabulary which even she didn’t know and I would undeniable not know. She was right because at the moment, I was a math wiz and knew nothing about biology or the human body. In fact, I didn’t even know what a “thigh” was or barely any biology. Yesterday... he again lectured me on knowledge I have yet to know... who is this person in my dream?

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Convo about Financials

I love the financial world. I love the stock market. I love investing; however, whenever I initiate that conversation people tend to tune out for some weird reason. Because of this, I tend to say, “oh, the boring things;” however, it is such an integral part of myself and who I am that it is almost impossible for me to not think about it for a day. Therefore, whenever I go on a date... should I talk passionately about it or just not mention it?

#dating

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=]

Mmm... girl... let me bring you to the fanciest McDonald in town

#dorking

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Got Stood Up

This is quite amusing. First agreeing, then not answering. You know you can be honest to me, just don’t ignore me. It only tells me that you don’t have the guts to see someone feel bad... I guess I deserve it with all the girls hearts I had previously broken.

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Do I Deserve It?

The older I get, the more accustomed I am with being single. Additionally, I have been thinking to myself recently with all the dating that, “Do I even deserve a GF at this moment?” We often don’t stop to think to ourselves, “If I am in a relationship right now, would I be contributing from it or sucking the energy out of my partner?”

#dating #deserve