deardiarygofucky0urself

[deardiarygofucky0urself]

Dear diary go fuck yourself

!PLEASE READ!

Ok so this is a start to one of the many diary entries I'll do. The reason why I'm doing these is my friend said I should write down my thoughts but I took it a step further and decided to make it into a blog because I want to see if anyone else is going through the same things as me at the moment. With that in mind and said let's get started!

Dear diary,

Today I had my first heart break. The executioner that beheaded my feelings being my best friend. She stole my heart with kindness and generosity then deconstructed it with understanding and pity. She was a short chubby girl with a smile tht can make the heaviest clouds disappear and a infectious laughter you have no choice but to laugh with her. Her hair reminds me of a phoenix fire. Lively burning red that twist and curls in patterns to make any artist look in fascination. her eyes where like tiny Earth's contained in clear lining of her corneas. So many colours eagerly glazed at you. In every way even in her "imperfection" I'm my eyes and heart she was perfect. Then you have me a tall overweight ftm male that has no direction in life. Unlike hers my eyes have lost hope with dark bags underneath to complement it , they're empty. My tan skin has begin to fade loosing all evidence of any kisses from the sun. My hair in brown cluttered knots from not brushing it in a while. I am the definition of a walking hot mess. As you can see I'm not the ideal boyfriend but back to story it all started in year 9 when I first met her at first my eyes never gave in to her let my brain give her any thought until the day in when she came up to me in the biggest smile asking me to join her group for the drama performance and that's when I fell H A R D. Now I'm in year 11 sitting on my bed in as the room is only illuminated by my phone's light and the midnight stars and moon. Crying as I write this. After almost two years of growing feeling for her that turned love have suddenly been rejected by a fatel short paragraph."I love you but as a friend ❤️" those words keep on playing in the back of my mind like a cursed record player. Am I not good enough, it's my fault for feeling like this I should have stayed away, No she should have not sent me mix messages it's her fault, she didn't know what she was doing to me it's my fault for thinking that. All these thoughts continue to fill my mind. With confusion,anger and sadness. I want to scream I want to yell in her face for rejecting me but I cant. She didn't do anything wrong it's my fault. I hate myself. I can't face her tomorrow I need time away to forget, to hide, to fill my pillow with tears. Anyway in conclusion. I hate emotions

Sign by the broken hearted, George

#diary entry #self help #writing help #help #heart #brokenhearted #broken #tumblr #artists on tumblr #i hate everybody #i hate my body #i hate people #i hate them