dazy-chained

[dazy-chained]

just reread that short comic about not-elagabalus fucking a priest and one detail i hadn't noticed the first time was that the emperor's name is rendered as "heliogallus" which, if it's an intentional pun on the galli, is such a good bit

#though slightly undercut by having a dick & balls?

[dazy-chained]

swallowing a sword to please my ailing king and i get it down my throat and i start gagging and coughing but im blushin g and shaking alittle and i push it down further and cross my legs for reasons the court does not understand and then i pull the sword out and gasp for air and i like spit on it and my makeups all fucked up and the guards instantly riddle me with crossbow bolts

[dazy-chained]

hm. i need to actually talk about things in real life but maybe it'll help if first i make a framework for thinking about things that i will realize is unworkable and discard within the month. so like as far as fantasies and adjacent things go, let's break those down into a few categories.

things that i would like to do and could do irl to within reasonable tolerances. this is honestly where i have the most difficulty and ambiguity bc a. the definition engages with the limitations of actual reality which are less analytically knowable than the limitations of my desire and b. for anything that's not actually part of my current sexual practices i have to figure out and admit to myself why it isn't, which i have a hard time doing. the clear members of this category are mostly pretty basic sex acts tbh with some moderate power dynamics and masochism or whatever, the farther reaches shade into like "I'd try this once i guess but idk whether I'd like it"

things that are enjoyable fantasies but i can't feasibly do irl. this ranges from normal and concrete sex acts involving having a pussy to the sort of all-encompassing ecstasy that only really exists in fiction to the Odysseus and the Sirens thing.

things that i wouldn't enjoy even as a fantasy but find compelling in a way that's at least adjacent to sexuality. The last days of Christ, nail me to your cross and break me bleed me beat me kill me take me now before I change my mind; a factory designed by a lover to inflict unimaginably agonizing tortures upon me; my mind tearing to shreds as i gaze upon an incomprehensible god.

anyway i guess the number 1 low hanging fruit is just to do more direct experimentation in my actual sexual practices to figure out what i do and don't Actually Enjoy rather than what's hypothetically fun. unfortunately that involves talking to people whose opinions i care too much about to just say "fuck you if you react poorly to this". that's a very freeing thing about online, no matter how much i like an online poster they are p much always only an online poster to me

[dazy-chained]

the thing that always sticks with me from this song is Jesus giving himself up to the will of God. he has no power before God but through this submission he gains power unbreakable by the world. even when he's stripped and flogged and bleeding on the floor of Pilate's court they have no power over him

why then am i scared to finish what i started what You started I didn’t start it GOD, THY WILL IS HARD BUT YOU HOLD EVERY CARD I WILL DRINK YOUR CUP OF POISON NAIL ME TO YOUR CROSS AND BREAK ME BLEED ME, BEAT ME, KILL ME, TAKE ME, NOW

before I change my mind

[dazy-chained]

just want to get captured by an evil authority and accused of extremely cool crimes, and not deny or admit anything but instead just say cool mysterious shit, and they become convinced that i’m innocent but they can’t free me because i refuse to deny the accusations and my enemies are howling for my blood. and in desperation they flog me to try and satisfy the bloodlust and/or convince me to deny or admit something, and i take the flogging but i don’t give in, my body may be bleeding and nearly broken but i say some more cool mysterious shit about how they have no power and don’t even understand what’s going on. and because i refuse to defend myself they have to kill me despite my innocence, and they can wash their hands but never erase the knowledge of what they’ve done

[dazy-chained]

power struggles are very potentially fruitful terrain bc you can get the overwhelming experience in the struggle itself but it's very hard to do them right bc the nature of things is that the stronger party, generally speaking, wins. that's boring but it's also boring if they're pulling their punches bc then there's no real struggle.

[dazy-chained]

supreme eroticism

[dazy-chained]

i think in a broad conceptual sense the two pillars of what i'm into are 1. the confusion or subversion of power dynamics and 2. overwhelming experiences. the captain ordering his men to tie him to the mast so he can hear the sirens. the incarnation brutalized and crucified yet reigning from the tree. the human hunted by a goddess who gathers up the other broken victims to try to heal them and eventually even challenge the goddess's power.

[dazy-chained]

1. Odysseus tied to the mast (for calibration) 2. Atlas holding up the sky predicament bondage 3. Diana and Actaeon

Odysseus:

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know

the structure of “desiring an experience which cannot be (safely/effectively/whatever) experienced under your own volition, you put yourself under someone else’s control temporarily so they can make it happen to you” is extremely good. There’s sort of two things here. First off, I want to have interesting experiences, and not all of those can be had alone, so having someone else’s help is good. Nice and collaborative. And second, a fair amount of the experiences I’d like to have, that can’t be had alone involve, not being in control! I like the freedom of not having to control myself, whether in sexual contexts or, like, a mosh pit (where I’m getting shoved around, but I’m also free to move and bump into people without worrying). But this is exactly why I’m not really into pure submission - if I’m giving up control, even in a fantasy, I want it to be on my own terms. That’s freedom.

Atlas holding up the sky:

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know

the struggle of holding up the sky is p hot. struggles are fun when it’s not a foregone conclusion, and particularly when the virtuous underdog manages to pull it off. Atlas seems like he’s usually winning, in the sense that he’s not dropping the sky, but he’s definitionally the underdog here and i support what he’s trying to do. so i’m happy to root for him and enjoy his struggles towards that end. but the eternity kind of limits the value of that

there’s another way you could look at it, which i find very narratively compelling but not really hot per se, which is being trapped in a horrible situation with no way out. i can enjoy it in songs like Carnage, Feathery Wings, and Collect Calls, but it’s too scary to be hot

Diana and Actaeon:

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know

seeing the goddess bathing? maybe. transformation into a deer? as punishment? nope. getting devoured by hounds? hell no. overall doesn’t have anything especially hot, and on top of that is too scary

Zeus and Semele is a much more appealing take on dire consequences for seeing the gods, but instant vaporization is more narratively compelling than hot. maybe if she got turned into something fun, or idk

#in-servo-necessitas

[dazy-chained]

Send me a kink and I will rate it!!!

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

[dazy-chained]

hello test test

cool i can send this to myself. so that works at least

#Anonymous

[dazy-chained]

hmmm. this may be a thing now. we will see

if you wish to send asks but can’t send them to the other, i’ll accept them on this (and reblog over) for now; still deciding if i want to switch overall