Follow Up, I changed my mind I'm @ing him
The person who groomed me was @topwizzynum who some of you may know as the Tom Holland/Peter Parker soundalike. I think he was also involved in the Star Wars Fandom. His name was Nathan and I think his Girlfriend's name was Annie.
I honestly don't care if people still listen to his audios, I understand the appeal and it genuinely has no effect on me, especially since his account is gone. But yeah, it's all out there now
thank you everyone for the kind and supportive messages, even though I don't plan on answering them I've read every single one and I appreciate them so much, especially from old mutuals ā¤ļø thank you
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CW: grooming
Hey everyoneĀ I just logged into my old laptop that was still signed into this account, but Itās been a long time so I honestly doubt anyone remembers me.Ā
Ā Anyway, just learned that the person in the fandom who was grooming me while I was running ithia blog deleted. good news I suppose but it feels wrong, I feel like I shouldāve said something years ago but a lot of people liked his content and I was just generally scared and confused. It took me a while come to terms with what had even happened honestly, and by that point even thinking about this blog made me feel shit, so I just stayed away.Ā
Now that heās gone... I donāt even know if itās worth saying who he was because I donāt feel like talking about it after this post, I donāt feel like explaining what happened, I donāt feel like providing evidence, I donāt feel like having to defend myself, I donāt feel likeĀ āruiningā his content for anyone, I donāt want to log into this account ever again. But then whatās the point of this post if I donāt call him out? fucking nothing. Closure maybe? Idk, I guess thereās also the possibility that heās still out there and just changed his blog name or whatever, so thatās probably good enough reason for me to not name him. He has my old address too so... better safe than sorry I suppose.
Ā Itās kind of ironic though, isnāt it? I was in a fandom that romanticized grooming, while I myself was being groomed. He knew how old I was, he knew I was 16 when we started talking, he was 21. Fuck him honestly, I wish the absolute worst on him and his and his annoying ass girlfriend. I hope his mom kicked them out during the pandemic and it ruined their relationship, I hope they both spend the rest of their lives miserable, better yet I hope theyāre fucking rotting. In my head he died alone and his cat started eating his body before anyone found him. Idk if thatās too morbid but honestly I don't care he deserves it.
And wait, back to his girlfriend, ācause Iām still struggling to wrap my head around the shit she did. Like, how do find out that your man is in a sexual relationship with a fucking 16 year old, and instead of cussing him out, stomping his ass and throwing his phone in a river... you decide to join in? You decide to send her explicit pictures of yourself. Make it make sense. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!! How sick and fucked do you BOTH have to be.
He had me send him pictures, you know. Audios too. I pray to god he doesnāt still have them. Or that if he does he gets caught for cp, at least some good would come out of it.
and dude, if you ever see this, I want you to know:
I hate you with every fibre in my being, if I ever saw you Iād probably push you into traffic.Ā
I know I said it before, but holy shit your girlfriend was so fucking annoying. Like ooooooh my fucking god I never liked her, and if youāre still together, you can feel free to tell her that ā¤ļø. And like... she never knew how to have a normal ass conversation with me. The first time we ever talked one on one I think she brought up some bestiality fantasy involving me (the details are blurry and Iāve honestly repressed a lot of what happened but Iām pretty fucking sure this happened) BUT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK BITCH??????
Oh yeah, itās also weird as fuck that you, a white man, call your girlfriend, a white woman, āwaifu,ā IRONICALLY ENOUGH WHILE GROOMING AN ASIAN GIRL FCYGFCF OMG I HATE WHITE PEOPLE YāALL ARE CORNY AS FUCKĀ
And look, I know I was already a little #fuckywucky in the head when you met me (I mean, judging by my old content, I think everyone knew that), and was constantly saying and doing shit way beyond what I should have been at that age, but it shouldnāt have been a sign to involve yourself with me, what the fuck were you even thinking?????? Just because a kid is imitating adults donāt fucking mean theyāre ready to do adult shit, it means something is WRONG. Then again I guess this statement is kind of fucking pointless because you seemed to have liked that I was in high school so.... oh yeah fun fact everyone, he tried to get me to touch myself in school. I didnāt do it, donāt worry, I think I faked it and told him I did but I canāt remember.
choke choke choke choke choke choke choke choke DIE DIE DIE DIE
Anyway, I guess thatās all folks. I donāt know what the point of this was but I just felt like I had to do it. Maybe now that Iāve done it, the next time I get high enough to be reckless Iāll drop his old username. doubt it though, he rarely crosses my mind these days. And honestly Iām a little embarrassed too. Like, I know I was groomed and I know it wasnāt my fault, but omfg Iām too hot to be associated with him in any way, even at 16/17 how was I so blinded by insecurity and self hatred that I was talking to him- genuinely one of the most pathetic, corny, earing-backing Smelling ass fucking people Iāve ever met, while the guy I was crushing on (one of the cutest people in my grade imo) was secretly crushing on me too for months. The juxtaposition of that makes me grieve those years, man. I shouldāve enjoyed being a teenager, I shouldāve talked to that kid before the pandemic took my senior year, I shouldāve had a normal fucking high school relationship I WAS ROBBED OF THAT FUCK YOU.
Ok now Iām done.
And to anyone who read all the way to the end, thank you I really appreciate it.
[addition]: I just wanted to clarify that I don't have any lll feelings for the fandoms I tagged, I used those tags because those were the ones I was most active on. Admittedly, Starker does make me a little bit uncomfortable looking back, but I accept that I seeked out that content because that's what I wanted as a 16 year old, I was putting myself in Peter's shoes. And honestly, if I still cared about marvel I'd probably be all over HTP to this day, I'm happy to see it hasn't died out.
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Here is a Google drive link of all works and writings by and about Black revolutionaries and activists throughout history.
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If you are not in a position to contribute to #blacklivesmatter by means of money or protest. Please consider watching this video by Zoe Amira in which the earnings will be split amongst the following based on necessity.
Also please turn off your adblocker while viewing. Much love
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donations masterpost
i've composed a list of all of the donation fund i could find. i will stand with black lives forever and always and everybody should do the same.
donate to the minneapolis bail fund here
donate to the black lives matter movement here
donate to the george floyd memorial fund here
donate to george floyd's family here
donate to the justice for regis fund here
donate to reclaim the block here
donate to the i run with maud fund here
donate to justice for jamee here
donate to the eric rosalia fund here
donate to campaign zero here
donate to the north star collective here
donate to black visions here
donate to the national police accountability project here
donate to the unicorn riot fund here
if i've missed any then please add them onto this post! if you're a black person with your own donation fund then feel free to add that too!
share if you can't donate, share if you can
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Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlettās portraitsš
You can actually see the making of in my YouTube channel!
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Am- am i being called tf out rn
no one:
literally no one:
not a single fucking soul:
me: youāre gonna make me b e g to be objectified? ššš¤ really? youāre going to force me to ask for degradation? šš¤¬ seriously? you really want to Hold A Gun To My Head šš« and absolutely INSIST that i b e g for my own humiliation? š¤š” wow! okay fine iāll cave!!! šš p please objectify and humiliate and degrade me bc um um it makes me really wet and i like it a lot thank youš„ŗšš¼šš¼
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