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corspewiggler · 3 months
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2020 - Gravity Falls OP Parody - Hazbin Hotel fan animatic 
Just thought it would be fun to go back through all my fanimatics and post some of my favourite frames from each one. :)
Link to animatic below
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corspewiggler · 6 months
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Naga x Rader Fluff
Gender neutral reader
Synopsis: Meeting at a library
Word count: 452 words
Warnings: Sorry it's probably bad cause I didn't know what to write and I didn't proofread over it <33
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To satiate your boredom you had decided you walk to a library and maybe pick out a book that would cure you of this insufferable boredom that had overtaken you for a couple of days. Picking an outfit for your choosing, you were finally ready to go to the library.
When you arrived at the place you noticed that it was barren, most of the time that you went to a library it was filled with people making noise in a place that was meant to be quiet so that high school students and college students could study for exams and tests. Entering the building, your eyes lay upon a boy of similar age wearing a simple olive green sweater with an accompanying messenger bag. You looked him up and down to see that he had the lower half of a snake which made him a naga; his lower half was coloured in dark oak and curlicued with beige. Thank god that he was facing the other direction and inspecting a book because if he saw you staring at him as if he were your dream outfit you would've died on the spot. The embarrassment would have sent you into the afterlife and his image would be there to haunt you.
You decided to walk up to the same books aisle that he was at and smoothly inspect the books that were there while hoping that he would strike up a conversation. For some miraculous, divine intervention he actually asked you what you thought of the book that he was holding.
"Hey, sorry to bother you but do you think this book is actually good?'
Without having any expectations of an actual conversation happening you were left flustered.
"Ummm..I'm more of a fantasy gal than a philosohpy person but I mean I wanna get into it if you could help me"
The naga looked surprised but was ecstatic as he found an opportunity that someone was interested in him and his interests. So he agreed to help get her into philosophy.
"Yes totally, do you maybe want to go sit over there and talk?"
Without a moment's hesitation, you agreed to what he said and followed him to the seating area. The seats that he chose were pretty quiet compared to the rest of the library where the children were most active.
"My name's Atlin, uh, what's yours?" the naga asked.
"My name's y/n" you responded in return.
Whatever deity was looking out for you, did a solid as Atlin had asked for your number so that the both of you could meet up for a little coffee date. Finally, you caught a break as a cute guy had asked you out.
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corspewiggler · 7 months
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Reblog the 500,000 dollar written check from Seto Kaiba and money will come your way.
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corspewiggler · 9 months
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refseek.com
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www.worldcat.org/
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link.springer.com
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http://bioline.org.br/
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repec.org
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science.gov
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pdfdrive.com
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corspewiggler · 11 months
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Hi dear Lumen,
Do you have any tips on how to study more effectively and/ or memorize better because it would help a lot. Thank you🤍 Have a great day/evening!
Hi darling,
As you may know, I am a maestra at organizing, creating systems, and simplifying things in order to maximize efficiency - and that applies for studying as well. 📚
1. Learn how you learn, in order to learn better!
I often emphasize the importance of self-knowledge and working with instead of against yourself. In this case, that translates as working with your abilities instead of forcing yourself to learn in a dry, outdated, uniform manner that doesn't align with you, just because school, college, or your family says so.
Are you a visual learner (through the eyes)? Then write down your lessons in a concise, aesthetic manner, this will help you memorize easier. Add diagrams, illustrations, or even just sketches related to the lesson, as it further helps with memorizing.
Are you an auditive learner (by listening and speaking)? Then read your lessons out loud. Record yourself if it helps, play it back until you can recite it back. Ask friends to help with rehearsing for extra support.
Are you a haptic learner (by touch and feeling)? - This one's more tricky, but you can employ some activity while studying, such as braiding, tapping your fingers or feet, gesturing, etc.
There are theories of other types of learning, as mentioned here and here. If the above 3 don't apply to you, do a quick research to see what resonates with you more, in order to find a more efficient technique. It can make all the difference in your study routine.
2. Figure out a routine that works for you.
Do you study better in the evening/at night? When it’s quiet and nobody is disturbing you and your schedule is clear? You may be a night owl and it’s your natural circadian rhythm to have higher brain activity and energy towards the evening/night - if so, take advantage of it.
Do you study better in the morning? Because you feel fresh and focused? You’re likely an early bird, so arrange your study schedule to follow this rhythm accordingly, you'll be much more productive.
If you have a chaotic schedule that doesn't allow much flexibility for the above, simply work with your available schedule to the best of your ability. Move household chores and other errands around so that your peak efficiency timeframe can be used for the bulk of your studying.
3. Additional tips:
Do rewards help in completing a task? If yes, try something useful like taking a sip of water after reading 3 paragraphs, or that you can watch your favorite show after finishing studying, or going to the museum, or whatever it is that makes you excited at the moment!
Do you have a short attention span? Don’t worry about it, just divide your studying in brief intervals of 30-60 min, with a small break inbetween to keep your concentration sharp. If you start to get distracted, remember why you’re doing this (your academic goals, whatever they are), and if that doesn’t work, maybe you just need some fresh air or a cup of tea to start fresh.
If you have issues staying on track, you can ask a friend or family member to hold you accountable by checking up on you.
Don’t forget to make studying enjoyable as possible: use colorful stationary, set up a nice desk that fills you with pleasure or excitement when you see it (ie. plants, lighting, pretty decor, books organized in a satisfying way, etc), a fluffy pillow against your back, the list goes on. Get creative! This is your space.
Another way to make studying enjoyable is thinking out of the box. If you prefer a more streamlined, digital system, use an app that makes the process of studying more enjoyable - whether it’s something as basic as the native Notes app on macOS, Word docs, or a professional tool like Ulysses where you can organize everything to your heart’s content.
Visual inspiration and moodboards: you can also browse through Pinterest boards for inspiration or even follow Tumblr studyblr-ers to make studying as a process more aesthetic and appealing. There is a truth that the imagery we expose ourselves to inspires our actions; when you have your dashboard filled with pretty desks and notebooks and tidy handwriting from bookblr and studyblr content, it can boost your motivation. (Just be mindful not to fall into the trap of unhealthy perfectionism, or associating your self-worth with productivity - neither of those things will help you in any way, and will only cause anxiety, low productivity and self-worth issues.)
If you fall off track, don't be hard on yourself. It happens to the best of us. If you really want to finish what you started, just do what you can, take it one step at a time, and remember that you only fail if you stop trying. Give yourself space to do your best (even if that is 5% on some days, it's still good enough), and improve along the way. You can do this! 👏🏻👏🏽👏🏿
Hope this helps. Good luck and have a productive day/evening ahead to all ambitious ladies! 💞 ☕️
-Lumen
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corspewiggler · 1 year
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corspewiggler · 1 year
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snga’itseng — just the beginning | neteyam x avatar!reader
summary: you are given an avatar for your birthday and end up lost and alone in the woods. the sully children bring you to the village where neytiri agrees to let you stay under one condition, you learn the omatikaya ways from her oldest son.
pairings: neteyam x avatar!reader
word count: 15.0k
warnings/notes: cursing, enemies to lovers, lo'ak x avatar!reader (slightly), mention of sky people, mention of death, perfect soldier!neteyam, protective mother neytiri
series masterlist | one of us: part one |requests are currently open for now
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“When we sent the sky people back to Earth, a few of them stayed. Science guys loyal to the Na’vi. They kept to themselves away from the village to keep from causing panic to those that were left by the destruction the sky people left behind.  Somehow though they reproduced any way and then there was Y/N, only a few months old when we had our own son, Neteyam. From day one there was something about her, a connection to Pandora, unlike anyone I had ever seen. She studied what Grace had left behind and grew up asking any question she could about our world and the Omatikaya people. But she refrained from ever having direct contact with them, as she was and always would be one of the sky people. Isolated from the only world she ever knew, she stayed away to keep the rest of the Omatikaya clan at peace. 
Then there was Spider. He was just as stuck here as Y/N was. Both were too young to be born in a place this dangerous and completely ethereal. He, unlike the slightly older girl, took to the forest, to the Omatikaya village, experiencing anything and everything he could. No one liked having him around at first, but as years passed, people became understanding and let him come and go freely. His presence, however, near what was once Home Tree and the village, didn’t stop the Omatikaya children from running off towards the old link base to find the human girl who had fallen irrevocably in love with the world she was born into. And when I mean the Omatikaya children I mean my own.”
The Na’vi say that every person is born twice. The second time is when they earn their place among the people. That was something you had learned based on the data Dr. Grace Augustine had left behind. Through the numerous journals and video logs, she kept, as well as the raw footage taken from the school that once was open to the Na’vi children for learning English. One attempt at bridging a communication divide. The scientist was completely wonderful that way, in love with the Omatikaya people and the planet of Pandora. It was more of her home than her birth planet ever had been. You never got to meet her of course. A casualty in the war against the sky people seventeen years ago. A war you never witnessed but were born into. A part of a species that was concerned with mining for Unobtainium, the answer to the economic struggles of its homeland, and destroying the village’s home to do that. 
Omatikaya are pure at heart, you’re convinced, pure spirits looking to feel and have a complete connection with their world. It’s something you wished for more than anything you could feel. Something as simple as the ability to smell the fresh air or feel it on your face without an oxygen mask keeping you alive. The avatar was no longer alive and not even Ubobtainum could get that up and running again. Grace Augustine was the primary scientist behind the program that made the impossible possible — for humans to be able to walk around freely without the possibility of suffocation from the particles in the air. How?
Well, large blue bodies resembling those of the Na’vi that ultimately served as vessels. Vessels to experience life somewhat like one of the Omatikaya did. Without the money, there aren’t enough resources or scientists to keep the program running let alone create any more avatars or dream walkers, as the Omatikaya call them. The last became the great Toruk Makto and the Olo’eyktan or chief of the Omatikaya. The story is almost a legend. A legend you knew would never repeat itself. So, thus oxygen masks were the only way of survival outside of the compaction-sealed rooms left behind after the war. Living a normal life was not an option at least not for mouth breathers from a dying planet. 
Except you never felt like you could be considered one of those, a human of Earth as you weren’t from there, not really. Sure by association but you didn’t have any connection to that world and you never would. You were born on Pandora almost seventeen years ago and somehow after the abandonment of your parents, you’re paying the price. A beautiful death trap is what you called the planet as it was the most breathtaking place you had ever been in. Something you had been studying and realizing for years as that was all you were allowed to do. Take samples and study the planet and the species that occupied it. 
In addition to learning from the scientists of the past that had the ability to speak to the natives and learn their ways of life. So, you studied the language, the culture, the ways of life of the land. Not fully understanding the people, you were enchanted with the Na’vi, specifically the Omatikaya clan that only sat miles away hidden within the forest. Sometimes you closed your eyes and almost just almost could picture what it would be like to be one of them. The purest of souls. That's how you remained sane all those years; your childhood was spent within a lab, with scientists as your proxy parents. Scientists who didn’t have any initial history with raising a child, let alone two. 
Miles Socorro, your adoptive brother if you could even call him that was only about a year younger than you, born on this forsaken island with parents who didn’t quite understand their role in the destruction your species caused. Unlike your parents, they were more focused on destroying the clan of the forest as well as its resources rather than preserving it, and eventually, it caught up to both of them. You didn’t claim him as your brother, though many of the scientists considered him to be, but rather a problematic monkey boy who wished to disregard the feelings of the Omatikaya people in favor of his own wants or needs.
Spider became what you knew him as, as you got older and suddenly his presence around the lab faltered, barely lingering. He ran off when he was young and somehow his charming wit and quick reflexes were enough to earn a spot within the clan. Metaphorically though because as long as he was human he would never be one of them. None of you would be. As the Na’vi has said, “Every person is born twice…” but when you are one of the sky people you will never earn a place among the people. 
“Y/N?”
The voice of Norm Spellman, one of the two scientists you considered yourself to have worked under for most of your life appeared in the doorway of the lab, a small smile adorned on his face. It widened at the sight of you once again sitting at Dr. Augustine’s old desk, reviewing the same psionic link logs you had watched at least a dozen times. 
Pausing it with ease, you stared at the woman’s face for a moment before meeting his gaze again, “Sorry, yes?” 
“Do you think you could go grab the container for the Dandetiger plant downstairs? I would like to take a couple of slides of it.” 
You nodded and watched as he disappeared out of the room again. Sighing, you gazed down at the computer screen, meeting the smile of Dr. Augustine as she recapped her day spent at the school with the Na’vi children. Shaking your head sadly, you glanced up past the screen across the lab into the open doorway of the incubator room. There she sat, still surrounded in that blue illuminant liquid kept away from the rest of the world. Her avatar looked so much like her, even now. Even after all these years. With Grace gone there was no one else that shared the DNA to use her avatar, so day after day that’s where it sat; in clear view of your desk, motionless. It was such a waste. You shook your head and logged off the computer. 
As you came back up from the storage room, you held one sample of the Dandetiger and one from the Tree of Voices or what was left of it after it was bulldozed down by the sky people. It didn’t glow as it once did but somehow as you stared down at it through the microscope, you could almost picture it in all of its beauty. You handed off the specimen to Norm and crossed the room peering in towards Max, who sat at his desk looking over an image of a brain. Max was the other scientist you primarily worked under and the one who had raised you all these years. He was older now, gray littered in his beard and hair peppered slightly, but somehow as people have told you he remained ever the same. Kind, slightly bossy, and completely enamored by this place he called home. 
Leaning into the doorway, you cleared your throat, and instantly upon your presence, he closed the tab out from his computer, the hologram disappearing into thin air. Your brows furrowed for a mere second but thought to ignore it. “Hi, Max. Whatcha doing?” 
“Nothing,” he brushed off, examining you as well as the specimen in your hands, “What are you doing?” 
You shrugged, smiling, “Nothing.” 
He chuckled under his breath knowing that this was something you often did, took samples from the Tree of Voices or Home Tree just trying to piece together the past and way of life of the Omatikaya before the sky people invaded. He liked to think it was the scientist in you, but really your heart and soul for the world around you. You sent him a wink just as you planned to slip away when he called out to you again. 
The next time you looked over at him, there was something in his hand, a pastry decorated with frosting and sprinkles, and a single candle stuck out of the top of it. A cupcake. He lit the candle and handed it over to you. Your heart felt heavy at that moment as you glanced back and forth from it in your hands to the older man before you, a warm expression across his face. “What is this?” 
“Happy birthday.” 
Your eyes widened, almost having entirely forgotten as a soft smile suddenly appeared. Seventeen, that was right. You were turning seventeen and somehow you had let it almost slip by with how the days had once again begun to blur together. Boredom had set in and somehow you blinked and it was your birthday. Nodding, you blew out the candle and thanked him. 
You turned away and took one step back in the direction of the lab when something caught your attention out of the corner of your eye. Outside of the window, where the green grass was bright under the sunlight, you watched as three Na’vis approached the camp accompanied by none other than Spider leading the frontier. Just when you thought you could have a peaceful birthday, his smug face would have to appear and ruin it. 
You rolled your eyes and called out back towards Max, “We got company.” 
“No, you mean you have company,” he called back, correcting you.
Sighing, you hurried away from the door back towards the lab, where you quickly set up your microscope to pretend you were busy working. Just as you took a seat, you swiped your finger across the top of the cupcake and stuck it into your mouth. You hummed in satisfaction just as the compact sealed door opened and closed near the entryway, then in a matter of seconds, all you could hear was the patter of a pair of feet. 
Even if you never would be accepted by the people, that somehow didn’t stop you from ever interacting with members of the Omatikaya clan. Jake Sully the last dream walker happened to have children, four in fact. One was a direct spawn from Grace’s avatar, something that still remained a mystery. Consequently, his three youngest became quite close with Spider, and with that friendship came a complete entrancement with the lab and the sky people that inhabited it. Somehow the Sully children seemed the most fascinated with you, the only human girl they ever came face to face with, especially one that was close to their age. Kiri, the daughter of Grace, supposedly from Eywa was the same age as Lo’ak, Toruk Makto’s second oldest child. They were sixteen now, and even to this day still argued like those young kids when you had first met them. Then there was Tuk, the youngest of the family that always blackmailed her older siblings into letting her tag along on everything she could. The threat always consisted of tattling on them to their mother and that always proved to be enough for Lo’ak to let her tag along. 
The eldest Sully child, a son around your age, had been mentioned quite often and not always kindly by his siblings, mostly Lo’ak but after all these years, he still had never shown his face here. Never among the sky people. You never asked why, but you didn’t have to as the younger brother always spoke about how the golden child was off training to one day become the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya people. Somehow he had managed to stay out of his younger siblings' bullshit but you heard about him quite often, more often than you needed to. 
Even after all these years, the sound of their voices and the hurried steps across the cement floor never ceased to surprise you. The only contact you had with the Na’vi people in your lab was constantly in your face. At first, they didn’t pay you much mind other than Lo’ak who somehow even at the age of ten was the smuggest bastard you had ever met. He found it quite easy to flirt with you, enjoying the way you glared over in his direction and threatened to hit him upside the head. Kiri was the first one you had initially talked to, often about her mother, offering to share whatever you could with her, including the video logs. No one could quite explain how she ended up here but you were more than willing to help try and piece it together. In exchange she talked about her village, the Omatikaya people, and often would bring you gifts, things that they valued within their lives. You kept them over the years. They all resided safely away in your room upon your desk overlooking a window that peered out to the forest. 
“Y/N!” 
The eight-year-old’s steps slapped across the floor as she appeared from the hallway practically sprinting. As you glanced over your shoulder, you were met with a blue figure colliding with you and your chair. You stumbled slightly backward as the arms wrapped around your waist, face leaned against your torso. Tuk hugged you tightly and you couldn’t help the smile that appeared at the affection. 
“Well, hello.” 
A few seconds later the rest of them emerged into the lab, Kiri grinning and Lo’ak and Spider messing around, barely even looking your way. Finally, their bickering ceased, and found you staring over at them. Spider rolled his eyes and Lo’ak could only send you a small salute with the widest grin on his face. You rolled your eyes before meeting those of your closest friend. Kiri’s arms were hidden behind her back and she swayed back and forth on her tiptoes. 
Your eyes narrowed for a second as Tuk finally pulled back from your embrace, returning to practically bouncing off the walls. She grinned as she stared at her older sister. You tilted your head to the side, “Well you all appear to be in a good mood today.” 
“I guess you could say that,” Kiri replied. 
“Why? What’s going on?”
She finally caved and laughed, “We have something for you actually.” 
“You’re going to love it,” Tuk reassured, her hand finding yours. 
Kiri nodded and following her movements, she extended her hand out to you, clasped shut over something. Ever so slowly she turned her hands and opened them and for a mere second, you felt your breath get caught in your throat. It was a necklace but not just any necklace. One adorned in beads and strings resembling most jewelry that was made and worn by the Omatikaya. This one particularly was made with beads of blue and green, crafted into the most beautiful shapes and patterns. 
“We made it for you!” Tuk announced. 
“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Kiri said. 
Your mouth dropped open for a mere second, heart swelling at the gesture and the excitement that covered both Na’vis’ faces. It took you a few moments to regain yourself but when you did, a large smile formed across your face. “Thank you. You guys are too sweet, but how did you—”
“We asked Norm about it the last time we were here. He gave us a countdown of how many days it was and from there we just kept track,” the older Sully girl explained, gesturing to put the necklace on you. 
You nodded, still slightly at a loss for words, “I really appreciate this. You are too kind to me truly.”
“Shush,” she mumbled, walking behind you to place the necklace on. As she wrapped it around your neck with ease, it was then you peered over at the two boys in the room who had remained quiet. Kiri and Tuk looked at them expectantly and Spider huffed in annoyance. 
“Happy birthday,” he mumbled, barely able to get it out. 
As you met Lo’ak’s gaze, his smile widened. Tuk gestured to you and he shrugged as if remembering that he should probably say something. Reaching forward, he took the cupcake from your desk and examined it for a moment before taking a large bite out of the side of it.  “Happy birthday, Y/N/N. Another year more beautiful than the last.” 
You rolled your eyes, concealing the need to gag as his large golden eyes stared down at you, “Which reminds me, is this finally the year you’re going to ditch this place and come with us?” 
“Lo’ak!” His sister scolded, finally letting the necklace fall loosely against your neck
“What?” He held his hands up, glaring in her direction, “This place is like a cage. And I think a day out with us wouldn’t kill her. She could afford to live a little.” 
Kiri huffed and stepped towards him shoving him slightly, a look that could kill sent his way. “Do you ever shut up? You do realize that you sound like a complete idiot!”
“Yeah whatever, you know it’s worth a shot at least,” he reasoned, looking past her towards you, laying on the extra charm with his next sentence, “I know you want to Y/N. We all do. You always have. I mean look at you. You have that damn piece of the Tree of Voices again. Aren’t you a little bit curious what it actually looks like out there?” 
You sighed as Tuk’s hand remained wrapped around your arm hanging onto every word her older brother said, just hoping deep down that you would say yes. It crossed your mind, and for a moment you considered it but then the face of their mother appeared and the rest of the Omatikaya people. Their reactions to a sky person trespassing against their land. It didn’t matter how much you wanted to or that you always had. What mattered was how those people would feel.
“I think I’ll pass.” 
He groaned, shoulders dropping in disappointment and you couldn’t bare to face Tuk knowing that her expression probably looked the exact same. Shaking his head, he stepped towards you and placed the cupcake down on your desk. A smile appeared again as he reached up and flicked your ear playfully. “You’re insufferable.” 
You matched his expression with ease, the only way you were able to handle him. “Wow, that might be the biggest word you have ever used. I guess I was wrong about the size of that brain of yours. It’s larger than I thought.” 
“One of these days I am going to get you to step out of this fucking lab and that’s a promise.” 
They stayed for a while after that, the normalcy of Lo’ak and Spider teaming up against everyone else ringing in your ears. Tuk was glued to your side for most of that time, touching your arm or flicking a piece of hair out of your face. The two older siblings could only make note of it as you sat switching from joining the conversation and looking through the microscope at the slides of the Tree of Voices. It was luminescent under the microscope and it was hard to look away, even though you had seen it multiple times. They left reluctantly because it was getting dark and if they could’ve stayed longer they would. 
Later that evening, you sat outside of the lab staring out the large glass window fiddling with the necklace around your neck. It was dark and you couldn’t help yourself but stare forward at the forest on the other side of that wall. You knew almost everything that was out there, had studied every part of it but you still felt so disconnected from it all. Lo’ak was right, he would always be right when it came to you and what you wanted. This was no life for a person, locked away within a lab, no potential to ever leave. For the other scientists that stayed they chose this, they wanted this life rather than to return to their dying planet but you, you never chose this. 
“Y/N.” 
You blinked, wiping the tears that threatened to form in your eyes as your other hand gripped tightly to the beads of the necklace. Norm stood in front of you, his hands in his pockets, looking from you to the window. A small frown was etched across his face, knowing that expression on your face far too well as it only had become more persistent the older you got. “Did you need something else?” 
He shook his head and approached you, patting your shoulder with comfort. That alone almost made you want to burst out into tears but you held it together. Silence lingered for a moment, a moment where you could feel the pain that was buried so deep within your chest. His touch fell away and he nodded in the direction of the lab. “We have something we need to show you?” 
You lifted a brow over in his direction in curiosity, “We?” 
A satisfied look appeared on his face and he nodded. “Yes.” 
“So you and Max?” you asked in which he merely shrugged. Your expression hardened for a moment because though those two had been around you your whole life, sometimes their ideas weren’t always the best. You frowned, “What is it?”
“It’s a surprise.” 
Your stare hardened and you sighed, “I hate surprises.” 
“I have a feeling you’ll like this one, come on,” Norm chuckled, that smile of his widening. 
With hesitance, you let your hand fall away from the necklace and you stood, almost reluctant. Dragging your steps, you moved towards the doorway of the lab to follow Norm but a hand held up in your face stopped you. You sighed for a moment when you realized what he was going to make you do. He chuckled and gestured again. “Close your eyes.” 
“I swear to god,” you cursed underneath your breath and he stopped you before you could say anything else. 
“Just do it,” he demanded, a fatherly tone in someway occupying his usual soft kind voice. His frustration was there, which didn’t happen often, but something as small as that made the corners of your mouth quirk up in a small smile. It was no way to live but somehow even with that there were people here that cared about you, that wanted to see you happy. Somehow even in all of it, the loss of your parents, the dealing with Spider’s bullshit, you gained a family. A family of a few scientists that were just in love with this deadly planet as you were. 
Shrugging as a way of acceptance, you obliged, your eyes fluttering to a close. His hand took your arm gently and began to guide you into the lab out of the hallway and you felt inclined to peek which he stopped you from doing multiple times. The nerves were alive in your stomach almost threatening to make you puke. You had hated surprises ever since you were a kid. Many times Spider had tricked you by either throwing hands full of mud in your face or getting you lost at the edge of the forest. After that, you didn’t dare step a foot outside of the lab unless it was to collect samples or admire the forest from afar. Those anxieties somehow remained even when the bully that was the younger boy wasn’t around and you knew you were completely safe. 
You felt your feet stumble slightly on the shift of the room’s floor, revealing that you no longer were in the lab. You groaned, still able to feel his hand wrapped around you securely to prevent you from falling, “This is torture.” 
“You’re being dramatic,” you heard Max’s voice from somewhere behind you, amusement laced within it. Oh god, this wasn’t promising. 
“Well, I should be,” your shoulders dropped as the nerves didn’t cease, “Sometimes when the two of you are together your ideas are not so great.” 
“Hey!” Norm exasperated, feeling offended by your comment. 
You felt him stop though and so did you. You felt your heart jump into your throat as if you were going to be sick. You exhaled deeply as the room fell silent for a mere moment, your anticipation practically killing you though it felt more like dread. He tapped your head lovingly as he glanced around to Max then back towards the “surprise.” 
“Okay,” he took a deep breath and Max nodded in response. They both gazed down at you and then at the thing they had been keeping from you for years, concealing, and working with every piece of information they could. It all led to this moment. “You can open them now.” 
Even as he said that you were skeptical and only clenched your eyelids tighter as the anxiety seemed to fully wrap around your throat at this point. Norm chuckled, “Y/N, you can open your eyes now.” 
“I am scared,” you replied, arms wrapping around yourself as a way of comfort, nails practically digging into your forearms. The two scientists laughed and looked at one another knowingly. 
Max rolled his eyes, “Y/N, open your eyes.”
You exhaled deeply but listened anyway despite your gut telling you otherwise. Your eyes fluttered open, the shining light above your head making you squint for a mere moment to adjust to the brightness. You were in the incubator room, the cold temperature of it creating goosebumps across your arms. You stared forward at the avatar’s tank, Grace’s features the only thing you could focus on. She was still just as she had been since Dr. Augustine had died and the image of a few hours ago passed behind your eyes of Kiri sitting near the incubator memorizing every single line of her mother’s face. She talked to her often, trying to find some conclusion as to how she came to be and the reason she was even here. It brought a whole new meaning to the avatar program when Grace passed away and Kiri was born. More so when Jake Sully became Toruk Makto and fell in love with the Olo’eyktan’s daughter.  
Blinking slightly, you stared forward at the body, confusion forming across your expression. You felt your body relax as Max appeared behind you. His hands found your shoulders and squeezed them lightly. “Happy birthday, kid.” 
As you were about to turn to him, something caught the corner of your eye and suddenly you found a gasp ripping from the base of your throat. The amnio tank that sat just behind Grace’s that had sat empty for all these years were filled with the same blue amniotic fluid that filled hers. Eyes wide, your head whipped towards both Norm and then Max, heart beating a hundred miles a minute. You looked over searching for any slight hint of assurance that Max gives you with a nod. Slowly, you stepped away from him towards the amnio tank with wide eyes and shaky palms. They met the cold glass as an unsteady breath fell from your parted lips. 
An avatar. That was what was floating around within that amnio tank. A large blue frame slightly smaller than Grace’s floating — its own arms wrapped around itself, body twitching every so often as if it was merely sleeping. A form of life, that’s what it was, and it was the most amazing thing you had ever witnessed before. You traced it with your eyes from its slender waist, strong legs, and a long tail with a queue, up to its face. A face that almost brought tears to your eyes as it was entirely familiar; sharp cheekbones, flat nose, arched eyebrows, white spots speckled across its smooth skin. She looked so much like you, you could barely believe it. 
“What the fuck?” you cursed, voice breaking as you peered back at the two men who had always been in your life. “Really? You guys did this for me?”
“Best birthday gift, huh?” Norm smiled. 
You couldn’t help but sniffle and nod, “But how? These take years to…” 
Max nodded along with you and you grinned as your voice trailed off in complete disbelief that they had taken the time to do this, approximately three to five years to do this. But it could have taken much longer with the lack of resources left for them since the war. And somehow they did it all while keeping it a secret. “But how did you know?” 
“We just kind of figured ever since you were six,” Norm answered. “But it become more evident as years went on with the Sully kids always around.” 
“Six?” 
Max laughed, “You don’t remember do you?” 
Your brows furrowed and you shook your head, unable to pull any memories from that far back that would make them think that you needed your own avatar. Crossing his arms over his chest, Max shared a look with Norm before peering over at you in amusement.
“When you were six years old, Miles did something at the time to really piss you off. I don’t quite remember what it was but you grabbed one of the oxygen masks and ran out of here. You said you were leaving and that you were going to move over into the village to live with the Na’vi.” 
“It took us two hours to find you,” Norm added in, “You hadn’t made it far so it wasn’t a big deal, but we found you about a mile into the forest, hidden within a bush of Panopyra staring at the way it glowed. You had no fear back then and ever since then, this has been your life. Studying anything and everything about Pandora and we appreciate all your help all these years.” 
You laughed and smiled but it lessened slightly as you were unable to hold any meaning to the memory they so vividly can recall. It was so long ago and somehow it didn’t exist to you. Max peered over your shoulder at the avatar and cleared his throat suddenly, “We know that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life locked away and staring at a microscope. This might not be able to give you much but it at least gives you a little wiggle room. It’ll get you out of this building.” 
Glancing from the two of them back to the avatar, you found your fingers tracing the glass with ease as for the first time in years, you remembered what it was like to be excited about something. To look forward to something. Wiping at your eyes, you felt your throat closing up trying to keep the sudden emotion at bay. You sent a smile to both of them, unable to express everything you felt at that moment.
“Thank you. Both of you. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” 
“So,” Norm clapped his hands trying to ignite a little more excitement back into the room, “You want to test this thing out tomorrow. Do a little test drive.” 
“Yes,” you grinned, hurriedly, “I would really like that, actually.” 
That night you were unable to sleep, your mind buzzing full of all the possibilities. From touching all of the plants to experiencing the way the forest glowed at night, creating a path of bioluminescence, or being able to interact with some of the animals after years of staring at pictures or video logs left by Dr. Augustine. Even the possibility of interacting with the Omatikaya passed through your mind but instantly you tried to let go of that one. If there was one thing they hated it was sky people, an avatar was just one step up. An alien in a false Na’vi body was not welcome and was far too dangerous to them. You would maybe be able to play with the Sully children in the forest, close by to the camp, but actually go to the village, and see the sites where Home Tree and the Tree of Voices once were would never happen. To ever actually interact with the Omatikaya people, meet the remaining Sully eldest son, or learn about the Na’vi ways directly would never be allowed, so you tried your hardest to forget about it. It wasn’t easy though as that was all you wanted, the ability to interact. 
The next morning, you woke up early, fidgeting and bouncing on the heels of your feet. It was something Norm, Max, or the other scientists hadn’t seen in you in so long. You were usually quiet, kept to yourself, and barely talked to anyone unless asked to. That day you said good morning to everyone, a smile plastered across your face, asking hundreds of questions every moment you could. By breakfast, Norm and Max had already explained all of the protocols, the expectations, and how the link pods worked. Even with all that, it was going to be a long day of testing motor skills, brain function, and everything else with the avatar if the linking process was even successful. It had been years since they powered up the link pods and they only hoped one would at least run without a large amount of money getting put into their building and equipment. 
It was midday by the time you finally laid eyes on the open link pod and climbed inside. Sitting within it, you felt your hand dip into the gel encasing with fascination as Max powered up the pod and got everything ready with the monitor. Cautiously, you laid back suddenly nervous. Nervous that it wouldn’t work but even more nervous that it would. You felt the metal cage get brought down on your body and your head was on a swivel looking around at the room and the small space you would be encased in. 
“You okay?” Max asked, able to see the moment of panic displayed on your face. 
You sent him a smile back though realizing that it was everything you had ever wanted, “Yeah.” 
“Good, just lay back and close your eyes. Let your mind go blank,” he explained, closing the top of the link pod on you, sealing you inside. 
You could hear your breath and the twitch within your fingers as you stared up at the ceiling of the pod, trapped inside. After about a minute, you inhaled and closed your eyes, trying to calm down your racing heart. Before you knew it, it was all over with a flash of light. Your eyes fluttered open and blurred for a mere moment as you were faced with bright luminescent lights beating down on you. For a few seconds, you stared up at them, wondering if it had actually worked but then you were brought back to reality as you heard some bustling from beside you, causing your ears to twitch at how loud and clear it was. 
Head snapping into the direction of the sound, you found Norm standing there in a lab coat with an oxygen mask pulled over his face messing with a monitor. Looking around the small medicalized room before you, you found yourself in a hospital gown and just below that long legs and blue feet hanging off the edge of the medical bed. You gasped and raised your arms up to peer at your hands. They were blue with five fingers. Sitting up quickly, you stared at them in wonder as the sudden movement caught Norm’s attention. 
“Hey, take it easy, okay? We should take things slow,” Norm said, hands raised out towards you as he came to your side. He lifted his hand and did a couple of snaps by the side of your head, satisfied in the way your ears twitched in response. 
“It worked,” you grinned suddenly, looking behind you to find a long braid with the queue and an even longer tail moving around on the bed. 
He returned the look on your face, “Yeah it worked, but we still have a lot to do. Lots of tests to make sure everything is in order.” 
You barely heard what he said as your hands traced over your tail as it moved. Finally looking up, you met the gaze of Max through the large glass window still standing behind a desk and a monitor that looked at your brain function. He smiled and you could only return it. 
It took another fifteen minutes of testing motor skills that consisted of things like touching each finger to your thumb and wiggling your toes before you were allowed to stand and another ten after that before they let you walk around. You were restless by that time, barely able to control your new body that suddenly resembled a baby deer stumbling around, evident in the way you nearly fell every so often and your tail seemed to collide with every single thing around you. After half an hour, you began to get the hang of it, walking around the small space as Norm checked on a few more things with the avatar. It was late in the day by the time they found a spare set of clothes lying around in some old things and you were able to step outside of the lab. 
Dressed in some of Grace’s avatar’s old clothes, you stood in front of the door of the medical room, a new feeling appearing, one that resembled hope. You stepped out with Norm just behind you and instantly the sun that hung low in the sky hit you in the face but not as hard as the breeze that you had never felt on your face before. You took in a deep breath, able to smell the air and have it fill your lungs without a mask strapped onto you. It was a new sense of freedom you had never realized you would appreciate so much. When you opened your eyes, your gaze found the forest just on the other side of the fence and suddenly a new kind of determination appeared. 
“Max, please,” you begged as you entered back into the medical room to ask if they would let you go out into the forest for an hour at most. It was a few hours until it would be dark and you knew you wouldn’t go as far as a few miles. There were weapons you could even take with you but both Norm and Max were reluctant. 
“It’s just the first day, Y/N/N. That’s a lot of stress to put on you and the avatar. Plus, it’s getting late,” he reasoned. 
“It would be for an hour and you know I wouldn’t go too far. Please, I need this. I need to just experience a little bit more,” you said, glancing over to Norm who seemed to be considering your words. “I know about so many things. I would know what to avoid and what would be safe.” 
“She has a point there,” Norm interjected. 
“Yeah, and I know we still have some transmitters lying around. I’ll wear one so we can be in contact the whole time. And if need be I could even take a weapon, something to defend myself, just an hour, please Max.” 
He sighed and that’s when you knew you had him. Glancing down at the link pod that held your human body and then up at you through the glass window, he couldn’t destroy that look in your large golden eyes, that happiness that he hadn’t seen in years.
“Fine. But an hour do you hear me? If it starts to get darker sooner, you get your butt right back here, okay?” 
You jumped up and down, tail wagging from side to side, “Yes, yes of course. Thank you. Thank you.” 
You should have listened to them. You shouldn’t have gotten too ahead of yourself. Somehow there was something about this body, this feeling of control that made you a little crazy. As soon as you stepped into the brush further into the forest, you broke out into a sprint, legs unable to stop their movements as you pushed back tree limbs and wide brush. Within the first fifteen minutes, you happened to go further than the one-mile restriction you had promised them. Instead, you fed them lies over the transmitter and ignored their questions every once in a while, promising that you would be back any minute. You hadn’t run that long or that fast in so long though. Contained in a small building and a patch of land all your life. You didn’t know how long it would last; this freedom, this body, this ability to be quick with even quicker reflexes. Ones you were still trying to get used to at that. You should have listened though. 
It was starting to get dark, slowly, and just as you spoke through the transmitter saying you would be back soon, you felt your heart drop within your stomach. A sound resembled a hiss of some kind just a few feet away behind a set of trees. It was low, rough, and vibrated within your ears. Hidden behind a tree, you peeked around and felt your ears flatten out of fear at the sight of the large Thanator with even bigger teeth, sharp claws digging into the soil of the ground, and ears on high alert. It was the same creature that had once led Jake Sully into the forest where he made contact with the Omatikaya directly. He barely made it out alive and you weren’t looking to find out if you could outrun it just as he had. You held your breath and counted to five before you slowly began to walk deeper into the forest, constantly looking over your shoulder. When you felt like you were far enough, out of earshot, you broke out into a sprint. You were panting, completely out of breath, forehead dripping in sweat as you continued with the pace for almost ten minutes.
However suddenly as you glanced behind you to see if it was there somehow following you, you felt your foot latch onto something, a rock maybe or a log. It sent your body forward, hurling you until you felt yourself collide with the ground. Quickly you began to fall, rolling at a fast rate down a large hill hitting things you couldn’t even see, and before you knew it you had come to a stop. 
Hours later, you were waking up and the daylight was gone leaving you surrounded by the sounds of animals and insects lurking around unseen. You blinked a couple of times wondering if you were back in the link pod and your brain was just playing tricks on you but when you felt an intense amount of pain shoot through your shoulder you knew you were still in the forest and still within your avatar’s body. You couldn’t understand why but it didn’t matter. 
You sat up slowly, noticing a pond lay nearby glowing, filled with lily pads and different flora. Numerous other plants and insects were just as bright; all consisting of either green, purple, pink, or blue. You felt your breath hitch as you scanned the area, wary as you thought about what had you running in the first place. You felt the sting again as you leaned back against the tree you must have collided with and reached up to press your fingers against your shoulder.
When you pulled it back it was stained red. Shaking your head, you reached up to touch the transmitter that had been attached to your ear but felt a wave of panic rush through you as it was no longer there. You looked around the ground but it wasn’t there either. Cursing underneath your breath, the realization dawned on you that you were lost and completely alone. 
It didn’t last long though because as you managed to pull yourself to your feet, a sound emerged from out of the brush a few feet in front of you. First what sounded like hushed voices, but then footsteps moving quietly across the ground. Instantly, your mind jumped to the idea of the Omatikaya and tried to move around the side of the tree to conceal yourself. If they wanted to shoot and kill you at first glance, they could because even if you looked like them you weren’t and that could easily be identified.
You held your breath just as the brush moved to the side and three figures emerged. Two were around the same size as one another and the third was significantly smaller. The first two were Omatikaya just like you originally thought with similar clothing, and belts littered with knives. They were arguing and as their voices sounded somewhat familiar, you glanced over at the third figure; tan skin, long dreads, barely tall enough to reach the Omatikaya’s shoulders. Then you saw the oxygen mask and you realized just then who it was. Spider was the first to notice you as you revealed yourself from around the tree. 
Clutching your shoulder in pain, he got the attention of both Lo’ak and Kiri. Within a matter of seconds, both of their knives were drawn and everyone seemed to be frozen in place, holding their breath. Lo’ak protectively stepped in front of Spider, and Kiri took one step closer to you, ears flat and teeth bared for you to see. A hiss was just on the tip of her tongue as her eyes took you in. It was the clothing that ignited fear in them all because it meant you weren’t Omatikaya and since you resembled them it was a whole new fear they didn’t know they would be encountering so soon. Somehow though as she looked from your clothes up to your features, her expression softened slightly, her eyes appearing less threatening but curious. Then as she noticed your hand clutched tightly around your shoulder, her orbs fell to the bright beaded bracelet around your wrist, and at that the recognition was instant. 
She stood up straight, arms going limp at her sides as her golden eyes widened in shock. She glanced one more time at the bracelet and the lack of fear that seemed to occupy your face. A gasp suddenly was ripped from her throat, dropping her knife to the ground. Quickly she rushed over to you ignoring her brother’s protests. 
“Oh great mother,” she said, voice barely above a whisper as her hands gently took a hold of your arms, eyes examining your face up close. Starting at your nose, then your glowing eyes, they fell down to your tail and long dark flowy hair that went past your shoulders all the way to the five fingers that accompanied your hands. 
Lo’ak kept repeating her name warily with Spider looking on with slight worry but she couldn’t even glance their way as her fingers moved up to trace over your nose in complete awe. A small smile ghosted over her lips, “Really?” 
“Hi,” you whispered, and at the recognition of your voice, she lurched forward and hugged you tightly. 
You hissed slightly under your breath but returned her embrace as best as you could and as the two boys looked at the two of you, the sound of your voice and the familiarity of your features seemed to get their attention. Lo’ak’s ears flickered and suddenly his eyes had gotten just as wide as his sister’s. “What the fuck?” 
The Sully boy cursed and slid his knife back into his belt before closing the gap between where he stood and the two of you. As Kiri released you, he walked around her to get a better look at you, and as soon as your eyes met, the largest smile formed across his lips. He was only a few inches taller than you and for once you got to see him in a whole new way. “No fucking way.” 
His gaze lingered on your eyes and your mouth for a brief second before he circled around you, flicking your tail amusingly. You groaned out of annoyance and pulled your tail back from his touch. His fingers then pressed along your ear to your hair as he continued to walk around you, unable to fully take in that it was really you standing in front of him and in a dream walker’s body. Touch tracing along your arm, he stood in front of you again and instantly took a hold of your wrist. With your hand stuck out, your palm turned upwards, his breath became lodged within his throat as he stared down at it. Stared down at your slightly smaller hands, ones that somehow resembled his more than the rest of the Na’vi. His fingertips then with the lightest touch traced your palm and then your fingers, before sliding them in between yours, holding tightly onto your hand. 
Looking up and over his shoulder at Spider, it seemed that look alone snapped him out of his confused state and he instantly took note of the familiarity of the dream walker in front of him as well as the clothes. “No. No!” 
A furrow formed in between his brows and he glared over at you as Kiri noticed the jealousy right away. It was evident across his face and you all knew it. “They didn’t. They wouldn’t.” 
You were silent, avoiding his eyes because you knew deep down that as much as you wanted this, so did he. He had run away to be with the Omatikaya as much as he could for fucks sake. You knew that automatically would make him feel like he deserved this way more than you ever had. “They gave you your own fucking avatar?” 
His tone was harsh, almost like nails on a chalkboard. It fueled some anger of your own and resentment towards the younger boy enough that your eyes snapped back in his direction, a glare of your own forming. You were smug as you respond with, “Yes. Yes, they did.” 
“They gave you your own avatar and let you run off on your own into the forest. Why can’t I possibly believe that?” 
You became silent again at the second part and broke eye contact away from him. You could still feel his hard stare as it left an unsettling feeling in your stomach. Because that hadn’t been what had happened. You felt Lo’ak squeeze your hand as it was still clutching his. All three of them could see the uneasiness that had spread across your blue face. 
“Wait a second,” Spider stated, breaking the silence, “Norm and Max wouldn’t have let you do that. Let you wander off on your own your very first day with it. There’s no fucking way. You’re inexperienced and they know that you would get yourself killed. Y/N!” 
You stepped forward, feeling Lo’ak pull back on your hand. “Look, I don’t know what happened. I was exploring the forest that is all and it’s not a crime. But then I saw a Thanator and I got scared.” 
“A what?” Kiri asked suddenly. 
“A palulukan,” you corrected, the Na’vi word coming off your tongue effortlessly and both Sully children shared a worried glance with one another at the word. “Then while I was running I must have slipped or fallen or whatever. I lost my transmitter and I just woke up here. It was stupid, I know that, okay?” 
As he took in your words, a self-satisfied grin then appeared on his face, “You realize they won’t let you ever take it out again. I wouldn’t be surprised if they went as far to take it away now.” 
“Spider,” Lo’ak snapped at him, jaw slightly clenched as he finally let go of your hand. 
Worry was evident on your face as that was the last thing you wanted now that you knew what it felt like. Kiri looked over at you and she noticed the way you were chewing on your lower lip staring at the ground. As she took in the rest of you, that's when she saw that you were still gripping your shoulder, blood painted across your fingers and the back of your hand. She stepped forward and released your grip to look at the wound and at the sight, she let out an unapproved sigh. “You’re hurt and it’s deep. We need to get this cleaned up.” 
Your ears perked up at that as she grabbed your arm and began to lead you in the opposite direction of the camp. You stopped though, digging your heels into the ground and pulling her back. “Kiri, wait. Just take me back to the base okay? Norm and Max can help me there.” 
“The village is closer and it’s dark. We couldn’t possibly go all the way back now.” 
“Kiri, please,” you begged, as the thought crossed your mind of entering the village and facing all of the Omatikaya, your appearance giving away that you were nothing but an outsider, someone who didn’t belong. It would be the first dream walker they would have seen in many years and the fear of what could happen appeared in your chest and it was almost suffocating. It worsened as you thought about their mother and what she would possibly do. 
“We’re already past curfew, Kiri,” Lo’ak reminded her, “Mom’s going to have our asses.” 
“Well, we can’t just leave her behind,” Kiri argued.
Spider chuckled, “Yes, we can.” 
All three of you glared over at the boy still fuming with jealousy at the sight of the older girl who happened to get an avatar before him. It was evident in the way he spoke, though deep down they all knew you wouldn’t survive out there all alone. That was why his comment sparked such rage in both of the siblings. 
Kiri’s gaze softened as she met the eyes of her oldest friend again, now gold and light and matching her own. It filled her with a sense of excitement herself to see that you finally resembled them and stepped foot off the camp. There were so many more possibilities now that you had this new body. She could finally show you the forest, her village, her life, everything she had been dying to show you for years. The sole obstacle at that moment was her mother. Even with that obstacle though, she knew her father, the Olo’eyktan would let you in and protect you just as he did with Spider, dream walker or not. Because many years ago he used to be one too. Everything would be fine. She was sure of it. The great mother Eywa was sure of it.
“Y/N, you can’t stay out here. Do you understand me? We need to go.” 
“Kiri.” 
“It will be okay. I promise.” 
You nodded after a moment, reluctant at first but began to follow them as Kiri picked up her knife from the ground and began to move swiftly through the forest. Spider pushed past you and caught up to her as Lo’ak waited for you, making sure you were at his side. Your heart was pulsing so loudly, you swore you could hear it in your ears, your anxiety clear through your movements that were less than relaxed or quick. Lo’ak kept sneaking glances at you but you didn’t have it in you to even acknowledge him, too worried to do so. 
After a few moments of walking, Kiri and Spider began to speed up. It was getting hard to keep up with them because the later in the night it got, the faster they all got, their own fear of being scolded and getting a smack down their sole motivator. They leaped over tree limbs and crossed long logs. It felt like you were getting left behind as every few seconds Lo’ak would have to slow down slightly to make sure you didn’t get more than a few feet behind them. He was almost tempted to grab your hand again and drag you along, but he knew better than to do that.
As they dashed through the forest, it led you to believe that you must have been close to the village. As it turned out, it was just across this fallen tree and through the brush. You hurried after them as they balanced across the long log that overlooked a terrain, hundreds of feet down. Your eyes suddenly widened as you watched Kiri and Spider leap across from the edge of the tree’s trunk to the other side landing on the ground with almost grace. Lo’ak followed them and you felt yourself swallow the spit that had gathered in the back of your throat, hands shaking as they seemed to continue into the forest. 
Falling behind, you attempted to make the jump but as you landed on the other side, just near the edge, you felt your foot get caught and slip slightly. You felt your weight shift backwards and your breath got pulled back into your throat, a scream unable to escape. However, just as you felt your body begin to fall, a hand wrapped around your wrist pulled you forward to their body and ultimately steadied you. You looked up to find Lo’ak staring back at you with a smirk plastered across his face. Withholding an eye roll from his confidence, you returned his look with a small smile. 
Running after Kiri and Spider, your legs started to feel weak, almost like they could collapse at any moment. Lo’ak rushed forward towards the front of the group, but just as he rounded the corner near the edge of the brush, you all watched as he collided with a solid frame. It almost knocked him to the ground but the slightly taller person managed to grab his shoulder before he could. The rest of you came to a stop and you watched from behind Kiri the way the other Na’vi’s grip on Lo’ak seemed to tighten as he sent a threatening gaze down at him.
Grabbing onto Kiri’s arm, you looked around her to examine the other Na’vi. He was tall, taller than Lo’ak by a few inches, with broad shoulders, a defined torso paired with a slim waist. His expression was pinched together, serious, almost unfitting for how soft his features were. His bright gold eyes held a sharp glare that made you shift uncomfortably behind Kiri.
Lo’ak didn’t back down though. No instead that smirk returned to his face. “Well if it isn’t daddy’s perfect soldier.”
“Ftang nga! (Stop it!).”  His voice was deep, deeper than you would have expected as he almost growled down at Lo’ak. “Where have you guys been? It’s been dark for hours.”
“I see you’re following up on your orders, brother,” he continued, finding amusement in the way the other Na’vi boy tensed under his words. 
Brother.
Your eyes widened suddenly, grip tightening around Kiri’s arm. She glanced down at you but you didn’t look away from the Na’vi before you. Brother. So this was it, the missing link. Neteyam Te Suli Tsyeyk’itan. The future Olo’eyktan. The great Toruk Makto’s eldest son. The one who seemed completely responsible for the rest of his siblings when his parents weren’t around. The one who would one day be responsible for everyone else within the Omatikaya clan. He would one day hold the entire world on his shoulders and that pressure seemed to already be showing. It didn’t help that he had an asshat of a younger brother who never made him forget it.
The golden child. The perfect soldier. That was how Lo’ak had always described him all these years. Everything that he could have said to actually explain the kind of person Neteyam was wasn’t ever mentioned. No, because it didn’t matter who he was now or had been for his whole life but who he is supposed to become. 
His threatening gaze shifted away from Lo’ak to Kiri and Spider, but it faltered almost instantly as his eyes found you hiding behind his sister, your own stare wide and locked onto him. He was silent as he took you in, expression unreadable to you but almost softer than how he had been looking at his brother previously. His ears flattened slightly behind his head, his glare disappearing completely as he scanned over your face and the very unfamiliar features. His eyes followed yours, the way they glowed intensively in his direction, to the white spots across the bridge of your nose and around your eyes. Your own ears flickered while your lips quirked up into a soft smile, one he couldn’t look away from.
However, the trance he seemed to be in broke as he noticed your clothes and the blood soaking through your shirt on your shoulder. Strange material he hadn’t seen on anyone but the sky people. Your hand was still clutched onto Kiri and that’s when he saw that your hand resembled more of his sister’s, and brother’s, and the human stood in front of him rather than his own. His eyes then snapped back to his younger brother, who hadn’t even moved or faltered under his gaze. 
“What did you do?” 
Lo’ak’s eyes widened and hissed slightly under his breath, “Me? Why do you always assume that I did something?” 
“Because you always do. It’s like your brain is wired to never listen to anyone. You can’t do anything but get into trouble,” Neteyam reasoned, “I mean example A. It’s dark, way past your curfew and here you are Lo’ak, leading the fucking pack.” 
The younger brother’s ears dropped, his stomach turning at the words and the way his older sibling was looking at him — with pure disappointment. Leaning around Kiri, you tried to get a look at Lo’ak’s face and felt your own chest tighten at the sight of it. Eyes wide, almost in complete shock at hearing those words though you knew it hadn’t been the first time. Always he seemed to get himself into trouble and Neteyam always took the blame from their parents and the future Olo’eyktan always held it against Lo’ak. Just as Lo’ak always held it against Neteyam for being the perfect son. 
You watched then as his broken expression disappeared and instead was replaced with anger. He pushed his older brother’s chest but Neteyam didn’t back down. He held his ground like a good future leader would with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Lo’ak then hissed, “Tsap’alute (sorry), that I’m the fuck up of the family. That I can’t be perfect like you. The perfect soldier.” 
“Stop, calling me that!” 
“Well stop assuming that I did something wrong.” 
Both brothers' voices had reached an all-time high, screaming at one another, faces pinched together and flushed with color. You couldn’t help but look between the two of them just waiting, begging that Spider or Kiri would step in to stop them from saying any more. To break up the hard-set gazes and the need to be at each other’s throats but neither of them did. They just stood there and watched as the two brothers yelled it out. 
“Then what is this Lo’ak?” Neteyam asked turning his head for a split second, letting his eyes meet yours. However, this time his stare wasn’t soft but unwavering of the intensity he had sent to his siblings. “You have a dream walker with you. A dream walker. You know what mom has told us about them. They shouldn’t—” 
“She’s not just a dream walker, Neteyam,” he cut him off, voice letting out a low growl, “It’s Y/N.”
At the name, the eldest son’s ears perked up, his eyes never leaving yours. Proving that the name somehow meant something to him or that he had heard it before which wouldn’t have been unlikely as you had been interacting with his siblings for well over five years. He took you in then, somehow no longer just seeing a dream walker or a false Na’vi body but you, for the first time ever.
Everyone else found themselves looking at you too but you couldn’t look away from Neteyam or the hold he suddenly had on you at that moment. Lo'ak, still not feeling as if he had gotten the last word, continued, his pointer finger digging into his brother’s chest, eyes narrowed.
“And in case you have forgotten—” 
Without looking away from you Neteyam stepped away from Lo’ak ignoring him, and seeming to not have anything else to say but, “Za’u (come)!”
“What?” Kiri asked looking from her older brother to you where his focus still was. “Really?” 
He nodded, annoyance evident in his tone, “Let’s go. It’s already late enough and Mo’at says there is a storm coming.”
As you all continued what was left to the village, he never looked at you again. Instead, he walked in the front, one hand protectively gripping the knife at his waist, on high alert. You trudged along behind them, trying to stay as close to Kiri as possible but you kept getting distracted. It was the way his muscles shifted with each movement and he wasn’t entirely what you had thought him to be. After all these years, you had finally encountered the great Toruk Makto’s eldest son. The one who was working day in and day out to prove to everyone that he could one day be the leader they all hoped he could be. Something you very well knew but him being as attractive as he was seemed to never have been mentioned. 
You felt a small flick to your chest just as you moved through the last remaining brush. Kiri was looking over her shoulder at you, a surprised look across her face, “You’re staring.” 
“I am not.” 
Your voice was a mere whisper but in the quiet forest, it still managed to catch his ears as he turned his head slightly to the side, but after a moment decided against engaging in the girl talk at the back of the group.
Kiri laughed, right in your face, completely amused at the situation, “Hm, and I am sure Neteyam’s back would think otherwise.” 
“Shut up,” you hissed, but the rest of the words that were on your tongue had fallen away just as you stepped out of the long grass. Lights occupied the area, drawing your attention. Lanterns littered across the area that had cleared up significantly, leaving clear-cut grass rather than long ratty weeds. 
Your steps slowed almost in disbelief. You were finally there after all those years. Omatikaya's village. Large trees still filled the area, ones that towered so high they were almost impossible to climb, but among those were huts scattered all across the area, going as far as you could see in the dark. Your ears flickered at the noise, the numerous voices from all around. So many that it had been the first time in your entire life to be in a place inhabited by more than ten people. Blinking in almost awe, you felt Kiri take a hold of your wrist and tug you along.
As you walked through the village, your head was on a constant swivel; couples sat outside their huts staring up towards the sky littered with stars, kids laughing and playing a game resembling tag. A few stopped to peer at the new face in strange clothing but only for a few seconds before they went back to their game. Other families were already tucked into bed, getting rest and preparing for the long night and day ahead of them. 
Just as Neteyam had mentioned as well as Norm and Max, there was a massive storm coming. Rain and thunder were expected, something more monstrous than the ones that typically happened on Earth. It caused a new set of nerves to form because there was no saying when this storm would hit and if you were denied the chance to stay the night, you weren’t sure how you were going to get back or let alone navigate the forest in the dark. You wouldn’t survive.
It was as if Kiri could feel the shift in the air. The way your awestruck expression had melted away into complete fear and worry. She felt it in the way your frame was tense, unable to meet her gaze all of a sudden. As you made your way through the village, from a few feet away you noticed a woman standing in front of a hut, arms crossed over her chest, an expression that in itself could elicit fear. Neytiri. 
She was beautiful, elegant, everything a chief’s daughter was but she was also intensely loyal and protective, more so since becoming a mother and a wife. She had felt and experienced the most pain from the war that had been inflicted on her people, evident in the losses she witnessed. Her hatred towards the sky people only grew after all these years and the sight of her intense stare locked onto her children had you cowering behind her eldest daughter. 
You all stopped before her, Neteyam stepping closer to her to witness the scornful speech he knew would be delivered when she had asked him to run off and locate his brother and sister. Finding you, however, was not expected and even he knew his mother would not take to it lightly having you there. A loud pop of thunder encased your ears, making you jump as she stared daggers down at her youngest son, standing proudly in front of everyone else. 
“Where have you been? You know the rules,” she said, voice stern, “Be back here before dark.” 
Lo’ak held up his hands defensively, “Why are you only looking at me?” 
“Tìfnu (quiet).” 
Rolling his eyes, he groaned noticing the glare his older brother was sending his way, but he closed his mouth quickly as he saw the way his mother was looking at him. It was scary, to say the least, how the anger was evident in her bright eyes.
“What happened? What was it now?”
When her son refused to answer her, she directed her eyes to her daughter, but the motherly look on her face was drained within seconds as she noticed you, hiding behind Kiri, clutching your shoulder, a hand full of blood. She knew within a split second that you weren’t Omatikaya or Na’vi at all. The alien before her stuck out like a sore thumb and though you appeared just as she did, you had tainted blood flowing through your veins. A new look of anger occupied her face as she walked past both Lo’ak and Spider, aiming to get to you. Kiri revealed you to her mother but pressed her arm across your front as if to protect you. Neytiri noticed the small action and hissed, barring her sharp teeth to you. You flinched, almost ready to fall to your knees and pull your legs to your chest, into a ball. 
“She’s hurt. We found her all alone, mother. That’s what happened,” Kiri explained. 
“Skxawng parultsyip (stupid children),” Neytiri’s hands raised up into the air as so many different emotions formed upon her face as she then turned to you, “You need to leave.” 
Her words were directed to you as she continued, “You are not welcome here! Do you understand me?”
“Mom,” Lo’ak pushed by her to stand in front of you, noticing the way your ears flattened and your eyes grew to twice their size, “She’s a friend.” 
“Kehe (no). I don’t care what she is, she must go.”
Both of them now were holding you, trying to keep you from collapsing to the ground as the harshness, the loss of blood, and the worry had made you shift uncontrollably from one foot to the other. Your fear was evident to all of them. For a moment you swore Neteyam’s face had shifted, from a stoic expression to one of almost pity. You felt your heart drop, as if she had stomped on it directly. You knew you would have never been accepted, even if you had looked like them, studied for years to know their language, their ways of life. None of it would matter because to them you would always be one thing: an outsider. One of the sky people. 
“Neytiri!” The sound of a strong voice caught everyone’s attention as a larger frame approached full of dominance and authority. Jake Sully. Toruk Makto. The Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya. 
It hadn’t been long since you had seen him. A few years at most as he had always visited Norm and Max here and there but not as often as he wished in exchange to appease his wife. After all, he no longer was one of them but Na’vi through and through. He looked from his wife who was still shaking with anger, fangs poking out of her mouth, to you. He took in the rest of the situation. Kiri and Lo’ak both holding onto you. Spider looks on nearby, uncertain of what would happen. Neteyam stared at the ground barely able to look at the girl dressed in clothes that resembled a sky person. Jake saw the blood immediately on your frame, littered across your shirt, and the tired expression that occupied your young face. 
Immediately, he knew. Knew what had happened, who you were, and the entire situation which made his wife act the way she had. He stepped forward until he was right in front of you and for a moment you closed your eyes almost asking, praying that you would wake up in the link pod to find that it all was a dream.
Lo’ak’s arms tightened around you, “It’s Y/N, Dad.” 
Jake inhaled and then let it go as your eyes fluttered open. Peering up at him, you watched as there seemed to be an internal war going on inside of his head. He looked over at his wife and then back to his children intertwined around you. Another clap of thunder seemed to draw him out of his thoughts. Reaching forward, his fingers brushed across your shoulder and you hissed out in pain.
His brows furrowed, the same pitiful look that was across his eldest son’s face seconds ago now occupied his, “You okay?” 
You nodded quickly, unable to fully take in that he was there and talking to you. He returned your action, nodding, a warm look occupying his face. He then shared a look with his two children. “Take her to an extra hut and clean her up there. Alright?” 
A smile formed across Kiri’s face but immediately noticing her mother’s gaze over Jake’s shoulder she let it disappear quickly. She wrapped both of her arms around you and then steered you away with Lo’ak and Spider following behind. She heard her mother’s protests as she walked away. Jake then turned to face his eldest son and the wife that he knew was looking to pick a fight at that moment.
Nodding in the direction the rest of you disappeared, he spoke to Neteyam, “Go.” 
The eldest Sully sighed but listened anyway and began to walk away, his footsteps heavy against the ground. As soon as he was gone, Neytiri stepped towards her husband, a new fire evident in her eyes as her fangs glistened in the moonlight.
“This is not happening. Do you hear me? That thing is not staying here!”
“She’s just a kid,” Jake reasoned. 
“No!” Neytiri met him chest to chest, voice reverberating as she dug deep inside to find the strength to remain calm, “She is a threat in a false body. You know that as much as I do. How are you not worried that there is another one?” 
“Because I used to be one.” 
Jake found himself getting just as angry, suddenly becoming very defensive over you after years of watching you grow up from afar. But all those years he had heard countless things from both Max and Norm as well as his children. You were no sky person, no enemy, looking to attack his family and his people. You were just a young girl who wanted to experience firsthand another life. That’s all. 
At those words, Neytiri’s face softened, memories from years ago filtering through the back of her head like a movie. Jake Sully. A warrior of the jarhead clan. Looking to learn the ways to be able to see. He had sacrificed himself for her people and completely stole her heart in the process. He had proved himself. 
“That was different.” 
“Maybe so, but you need to realize that so is she,” Jake said earnestly, pointing over his shoulder towards the hut where his children resided, “I know you’re worried. Of course, you would be, after everything you have been through. You have been through hell, but so has she.” 
“Jake,” she whispered his name and at that he reached forward both of his hands finding her arms. 
“You are so quick to assume she is like the rest of them. But remember I was like them. When I got here, I was sent on a mission and I thought just as they had. I was careless, misunderstanding, and completely selfish. A complete skxawng, but then I met you. I met the Omatikaya people and you taught me how to see the world in a whole new way. I fell in love with this place and with you.” 
Tears formed in her eyes as she stared at him, every word hitting her in the chest. His eyes never wavered from hers as he continued, “Y/N already sees so much more than I did when I came here. She has spent the majority of her life studying the ways that we live every day. Why do you think you have never seen her? Because she knows more than anyone that what her people did was horrible and unforgivable. She understands what we think of her kind and so she has stayed away. But somehow even with doing that she has caught the attention of our children and she has been so good to them.” 
“They’re protective of her,” she noted, suddenly feeling some guilt over her hostility towards no more than a young woman who was in need of shelter and rest. 
“Yes, and you should be so proud of them. You have taught them to protect the ones they love and they were doing just that.” 
She nodded, a small smile ghosting over her lips. At his words and how right he was. She had taught them so many things and among them to find the good in people and keep it close to them at all costs. Somehow that was you and she couldn’t quite understand it yet.
Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath before meeting his eyes again, “I don’t know about this, ma Jake.”
One of his hands reached up and cupped her cheek just as soft raindrops began to fall from the sky, soaking into their skin. “I know, but so long ago you gave me a chance to prove myself. To prove that I could belong here. I think she deserves that as well. A chance.” 
A moment of silence passed. Neytiri stared at the ground for a moment repeating his words over and over in her head. Finally, just as the rain got worse, she looked back up at him. Her mind was made up and she reached forward to lean her head toward his. With no other words, she simply nodded. It was barely even a movement but everything that was communicated to him was exactly what he needed to hear.
Jake smiled then and leaned forward kissing her forehead softly, “That’s my girl.” 
Breaking away from one another, Neytiri took Jake’s hand in her own and began to walk towards the hut, all of her children had led you to. Thunder erupted for the third time just as a flash of light crossed the sky gaining their attention for a split second. As they approached the hut, light shined through the doorway. However, their eldest son sat outside just by the door, arms crossed over his chest, eyes set forward looking on to the village and the storm that had just arrived. Jake’s brows furrowed for a moment out of confusion at the sight, noticing how where the rest of his children seemed to be enthralled by you like a moth to a flame it was as if Neteyam wanted nothing to do with you. In fact, that protectiveness or any recognition of feeling didn’t seem evident to him. It was as if he had no interest in you at all. But at the way their son sat, stuck in his thoughts, almost so much so he hadn’t noticed them in front of him at first. 
Neytiri stopped before him and nodded towards the hut, “Za’u (come).”
She entered then with Jake following behind. A few seconds later Neteyam entered behind them, steps faltering slightly as his eyes found yours. You were sitting on the floor, knees towards your chest. Kiri had ripped your shirt, almost entirely off to get access to the long cut. Dirt stuck to your shorts and was also littered across your face, and your long hair was pulled to one side to give more access to the wound. This was the first time he was seeing you with light. Your face now so much brighter, allowed him a moment to stare at your features and take them in, almost like he was going to file them away in his memory. Your eyes were screwed shut, your nose scrunched, and your lips formed into a tight line as you groaned and whimpered at the pain. Your shirt or what was left of it was coated in blood and Neteyam had to refrain from shifting at the sight of the bare skin of your shoulder and part of your chest. Even with the painful expression imprinted across your face, he couldn’t deny his sudden attraction towards you. 
As your eyes opened at the sound of Neytiri clearing her throat, they met him instantly. He tore his away instead of looking over at his younger brother that seemed just as encapsulated by you as he was moments ago. Yours then shifted to Neytiri and Jake who both stood by the doorway soaked from head to toe. Her expression was unreadable and at the sight of her, you leaned back but didn’t look away. Kiri withdrew her hands away from the cut and her incessant cleaning to listen to what her parents, more so what her mother had to say. 
“So you want to learn?” 
The question took you by surprise so much that it took you almost thirty seconds to even respond with all eyes boring down on you. You were unable to form words so you nodded. It seemed she didn’t approve of that though as her eyes narrowed slightly. “Pivlltxe (speak)!” 
“Yes.” Your voice was small, and they all took note of it. You cleared your throat and tried again, “Yes.” 
Neytiri glanced over her shoulder at Neteyam who had been looking at you, but at the sight of his mother peering over at him, his stare dropped to the ground. The corner of her mouth quirked up in slight amusement as she then turned back to you.
“It is decided, my son will teach you our ways. To speak and walk as we do.” 
Both of her sons’ heads shot up, sharing a look with their mother. Lo’ak let out a noise of approval as her words hit him straight in the face, “Really?” 
Neytiri and Jake looked towards their youngest son and it was almost comical how quickly he assumed she was talking about him as if he knew how to teach and express the ways of Eywa and the Na’vi when all he had an interest in doing was creating trouble. Neytiri looked away from him to Neteyam who was staring at his mother expectantly, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. He was waiting for what she had to say.
Her hand gestured to him as she turned back to you, “Neteyam.” 
Your heart stopped for a second or two as your eyes widened slightly. Glancing at each brother, you watched as their reactions unfolded. Lo’ak’s expression dropped, annoyance appearing as he huffed and folded his arms across his chest. The resentment was there for his brother and this was just another prime example he would use to build that up. Neteyam appeared as you did, a deer in headlights in complete shock but then as it set in that he was being given the responsibility to teach a dream walker the way of Eywa, he became spiteful. He stepped towards his mother and lowered his voice as if he was going to protest but she held up her hand silencing him.
“It is decided. You want to be Olo’eyktan someday and if you do this we’ll know you’re ready,” she repeated this time to only him, “You’ll start tomorrow.” 
He let out a sigh, one that expressed he was giving up arguing, and instead glanced over at you to find the shocked look still on your face. Silence occupied the hut again as Neytiri with her expression softer towards you than it ever had been, nodded before stepping out of the hut to go to her own.
Jake directed his voice at you, “Get some rest.” 
Just as he turned to follow his wife though, you spoke up, “Jake.” 
He looked back at you. You smiled, “Thank you.” 
A small wink was sent your way from the man. No other words were exchanged then and you watched as he left, his footsteps fading away. Neteyam still stood in the same spot, gobsmacked by the situation he had gotten put into. You looked at him expectantly and finally, he dared to meet your eyes.
He was irritated and it was evident in the way his shoulders were tense and squared up, his voice resembling anything but warm, “I’ll meet you outside tomorrow morning. Early tomorrow morning.” 
He disappeared out into the night after that and you were left with some ease knowing that it was only Lo’ak, Kiri, and Spider left. Your whole body relaxed and you leaned against Kiri, your head falling upon her shoulder as Lo’ak still stood in the corner fuming at what had just happened.
With a deep breath, you lifted your head to Kiri and then shifted to Lo’ak, “What the fuck just happened?” 
Kiri laughed, filling the room with a little more joy than previously had filled it, “They’re going to let you stay.” 
“Yeah and she chose Neteyam to be the one…” Lo’ak said, his voice trailing off as his expression hardened in spite. 
Kiri rolled her eyes at her brother and his sudden possessiveness over you but then let another laugh slip again as she realized something. You turned to her and her hand reached forward to push a loose piece of hair out of your eyes, her smile the only thing you could focus on.
“Wait until Tuk finds out about all this. Actually, wait until Tuk sees you.” 
That night when you closed your eyes in that empty hut, the lantern blown out to leave you in complete darkness, you stared up out of the opening of the tent for a while, just watching the way the lightning lit up the sky almost with complete amplitude and deliberateness. Thunder rang in your ears while the sound of rain pelted against the side of the only shelter you had. It was dangerously beautiful just as this opportunity was. This opportunity to learn and prove yourself to the Na’vi. It was the eye of a storm, something so enticing and just begging you to walk out into the chaos. But even with all that, you felt the impending problems weighing down on your chest, all the possibilities that could go wrong. 
You thought about it for a while before you fell asleep. When you woke up, you were staring up at a bright flashlight trailing across your eyes and two hands holding your face. You were no longer in the forest with the Omatikaya people, staring helplessly up at the ceiling of a hut but you were back in the camp, in a link pod, in your own body. It was blurry at first and then it all shifted, becoming entirely clear. Your eyes followed the lights as the voices of Max and Norm began to ring in your ears. Norm’s hands were cradling your head trying to get you to sit up in the link pod as Max was shining a flashlight in your eyes as if he had been trying to coax you back for hours. Their voices flooded your system and it felt so foreign at first but only for a second. 
“That’s it, kid,” Norm said, slapping your cheek lightly, “Come on back.” 
You blinked a couple of times and as you did your chest rose and fell from a deep breath as if you were grasping onto the oxygen trying to get in as much as you could. You coughed a couple of times.
Max turned the flashlight off, “That’s it.”
“You okay?” 
You looked over at Norm and nodded almost as if you were unsure of the answer yourself. They helped you sit up with your legs swinging over the edge of the link pod while your hand rubbed your forehead like you were getting rid of a headache. 
“What happened out there?” Max asked, his tone filled with worry, “Is the avatar safe?” 
You cleared your throat, “Yeah. It’s safe.” 
Norm shared a glance with Max, “Well where is it?” 
“It's with the Omatikaya people in the village.”
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corspewiggler · 1 year
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What color are you? Take our fun personality quiz to find out!
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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Spotlight: The Midnight Club
The cast of Mike Flanagan’s newest series, The Midnight Club, talk about their biggest fears, secret talents, and which cast member is the easiest to scare.
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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Resource Links
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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Replace your bad habits
We all have habits we don’t like. It’s far easier to replace a habit than to get rid of it.
The theory is quite easy: Define the habit you want to change and then set an action to replace it with. Every time you want to do the “bad” thing, you immediately do the healthier thing.
Actually replacing your habits will be a bit more difficult: You’ll have to be quite mindful and present in your day to notice yourself doing/wanting to do the bad habit. Doing the healthier thing will also require a lot of willpower, since bad habits often are the ones that feel good in the moment.
Some replacement habit ideas:
Listen to a song that gives you courage
Drink some water
Do a few squats
Dance for a bit
Find an inspiring picture for your vision board
Walk around (a walk outside is a bit too long to use as replacement every time but would be a nice thing to use here and there)
Clean something
Read a page of a book
Watch a short inspiring/funny video
Talk to a loved one
Journal
Make sure to choose a replacement habit that isn’t too similar to the habit you want to change! If you want to stop scrolling on your phone so much, don’t choose youtube as replacement. If you want to stop weighing yourself or quit obsessing over weight loss, don’t choose squats as replacement and so on.
Also don’t add moral value to these habits. I used words like “bad” and “good” because it’s the simplest way to word things, but please realise that having habits you don’t want doesn’t make you a bad person. Not doing things deemed “right” is okay and normal and it’s okay to fail here and there during your journey. It’s important to try again!
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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13-03-22
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how to make habits that'll actually stick
so i know i've talked about both good and bad habits, but i still haven't talked about how to make habits!!! i think that habits are basically the building blocks of achieving goals, so it's useful to know how to make them.
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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MOTIVATION VS SELF-DISCIPLINE
When studying, most people try to find motivation thinking that this will get them through their study session, or they will see their failure as a result of a lack of motivation. But motivation isn’t always what we need - what do you do on the days you have no motivation? This is why we need self-discipline.
MOTIVATION VS SELF DISCIPLINE
Motivation - a willingness to do something. It is the set of psychological forces that compel you to take action. A goal or reward that you look forward to that will encourage you to study - while this is useful, what happens on a day when you just don’t feel like studying?
Self-Discipline - making yourself do things you know you should do when you don’t want to. Being trained to routinely study regardless of how unmotivated you are - this is what will get you out of bed on a day you don’t feel like studying.
So if motivation is ‘why we should do something’ - self-discipline is more ‘what to do next’.
HOW TO BE SELF-DISCIPLINED
Make a commitment with yourself that you will make studying as your habit. This is super important. Commit yourself to make this as your new habit. Don’t half-ass any of these suggestions or any other suggestions that other people give. Don’t give yourself silly, illegitimate excuses in the process. For this, you can do it by remind yourself on what your long-term goals in life are. Or if they don’t sound rewarding enough, remind yourself what failure feels like/ could feel like.
Set yourself a routine and stick to it
Never have a zero day - 10 minutes is better than nothing!! Do flashcards from your bed or watch youtube ted talks if you can’t physically study. This will help help develop a routine and make it easier for you to cope. Also, by studying everyday your brain will know that the content you are learning should be stored as long-term information so this will benefit you in the long run! However I do want to stress not to force yourself if you don’t have the capacity / energy for it. Take care of yourself too.
Avoid long breaks. Unless you know that taking an hour long break means only an hour, then you can ignore this. But fo the majority of us, once we’ve taken a while out of studying it can be hard to get back into it again. One minute you’re taking a 20 minute break for a snack and some phone time and the next thing you know you’re on Youtube and four hours have passed! To avoid this, try stick to shorter breaks - five or ten minutes for a snack break, toilet break and to check any phone messages. A good method to try for this is the Pomodoro Method!
Build on your productivity, not your failures.
If you come from a past of procrastinating and now feel motivated to change and discipline yourself, do NOT try to do everything at once. Start things slow and in steps.
Set yourself smaller deadlines for your goals like monthly and weekly deadlines - e.g. if you are doing a project, due 27th June, set personal deadlines, like have the introduction written by the 8th, have your literature review written by the 15th, have project complete by the 25th. 
Break down the things that you must do into smaller, concrete activities and put those smaller activities in that to-do list; allocate specific time periods to do each smaller activities and put it the to-do list as well; set an alarm reminder for each smaller activities. Say you have to study for English on Tuesday, because for whatever reasons you just decided to dedicate your time this Tuesday to study English. However, I’d suggest that you break down that specific activity (or “daily goal”) before putting it in your to-do list. So, instead of just putting “study for Physics”, try putting “read and highlight Chapter 9″, because putting very general/broad activity like “study English” can actually make you too confused on where and how to start doing it, and make you very prone to distractions in the process. 
Know your limits. Self-discipline isn’t doing as much as you can until you break - it’s about having control, knowing what you can realistically manage and getting that done.
Give yourself rewards! I love to have something to look forward to as I get work done! This means mixing motivation and self-discipline. I tell myself after this lecture I can have an animal crossing break or check some messages etc. 
Track your progress – don’t forget to put a checklist on your to-do list after accomplishing a task. It would relieve your stress a bit and motivate you to continue doing the remaining activities on your to-do list. 
Remove distractions from your study space! Personally, if my phone is out and I notice a notification…I’m gonna check it. It’s human nature! So to combat this, I use apps like Forest that force me to stay within the app while I study. If I know I might get hungry during a study session I’ll keep a little snack by my desk so I don’t have to get up and somehow find something else to distract me.
Just do it isn’t that easy. I find to get myself in a ‘work boss’ mood I need to feel good about myself so I put on a nice outfit and maybe some eyeliner and hype myself up so I know I can do my tasks and get stuff done! It feels so much better than lazing in my pyjamas trying to study.
Be patient. It’s going to be a rough journey, it’s going to be hard but you’ve got this! Take it one step at a time. Start off by completing one task a day, then move to two, then three, and the next thing you know, you’ll have a regular routine where you will constantly be ticking off your to-do list everyday! But remember to be kind to yourself, know when your body is not in the right state of health to study and don’t force it. Only force yourself to a limit, you’ll know when to stop and that’s okay. Just try again when you feel better! Your health is much more important!
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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study tips to remember as we inevitably have (mini) breakdowns and burnouts during the semester
- plan out the entire day the night before; set out the next day's clothes and envision the day ahead.
- studies have shown that if we plan out the day, it eliminates the fear of the unknown, reducing the fight or flight response so we can stay calm, collected, and focused.
- exercise twice: once early in the morning to get the day's momentum started and once in the evening to de-stress
- use timers to set hard deadlines for each task
- take mini breaks after each task
- during the breaks, don't scroll through social media or websites; instead, lay your head down and blank out the mind.
- eat healthy meals and try not to consume too much sugar or added fats. post-lunch blood sugar spikes are absolutely brutal.
- GO TO OFFICE HOURS to build and maintain connections with professors.
- practice active recall: don't just read through the study notes; quiz yourself and try to each an imaginary student the concepts
- study (only!!!) 30 minutes for each class every single day to retain the information learned that day, on top of the necessary homework and assignments
- TIME MANAGEMENT IS KEY. you can maintain an active social life while being on top of everything academically by using every spare minute to work on assignments, homework, studying, etc.
- remember: it might be stressful now, but imagine the peace and comfort 5-10 years from now as you're in your dream career, reminiscing and thanking your past self for making the sacrifice and working so damn hard to get to where you are.
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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The checklist you need
The summer holidays are over, autumn is just around the corner and the new semester is here faster than you would have expected
What now?
Here are my tips to start the new year in an organised way!
Basic requirements
Of course, it's always helpful to start with a tidy and organised workspace, so if you still have papers lying around on your desk from last year and you haven't cleaned them out yet, you should definitely do so
It's also a good idea to create a study corner where you feel comfortable and safe. Whether your desk is in the basement or you only have a tiny little corner to yourself, try to design it the way you like it and experiment with some decorations and different lights to create a nice atmosphere
Although I'm a big advocate of minimalism, there are still one or two things that you should buy
Materials
Even if you work on the computer most of the time, it is still good to get a notebook to take notes (I prefer to write down my notes by hand and not on the laptop)
To avoid a mess of notes, a folder is essential. I can't stress this enough, GET A FOLDER AND FILE YOUR NOTES/DOCUMENTS
Get nice pens that you can write well with to get the nicest handwriting possible (my handwriting is terrible so I use fountain pens). Of course you also need different markers to highlight the most important things
Get a planner or bullet journal to write down all your important appointments and have everything at a glance
Think of 2-3 meals or snacks that are quick to prepare and whose ingredients you usually have at home to keep you well-fed while studying. Regular meals are important to keep your body and brain working well
Same with hydration, you need to drink regularly and keep yourself hydrated to function properly. So buy your favourite tea/coffee, a cute cup to make it more appealing and your brain will be happy
Are you someone who listens to music whilst studying? Yes? And you don't have your own playlist yet? I think you know what to do in this case
The important questions and answers
In order to be up to date and always well informed, it definitely makes sense to write down a plan at the beginning of each year. The questions are embarrassingly easy but of great importance. This plan really saved my ass, so I can only recommend it to everyone
1. What year/semester am I currently in?
2. When does the semester start and end?
3. How many subjects do I have this year and which lecturer is responsible for which subject?
4. Are there subjects that are more important than others?
5. What do your exams look like in the respective subjects? Are there oral exams, written exams, project work or essays?
6. When will the exams be written/when are the deadlines? Write down each date of each exam/deadline
7. Which topics are covered by which lecturers?
8. What do I know about my lecturers? Are the questions asked easy or difficult to answer? Does he stick to the script or does he expect his students to read into the subject on their own? Does he ask open questions or single choice questions?
9. Are there any special features this year, such as an internship or an excursion or practical lessons?
10. Are there any places nearby (libraries, parks, cafés) where I can study? If not, then you should look around a bit and I'm sure you'll find something quickly
11. Is there anyone besides my lecturer that I can ask for advice? (Maybe other fellow students or students from higher semesters)
12. Facts on the table. How were my performances in the past and where do I want to go this semester? What are my goals and what possible mistakes have I made? Actually write down possible mistakes to visualise them
13. Who can I turn to when I am feeling bad, who is my reference person or is there perhaps a counselling teacher, a psychologist or a safe place to ground myself?
14. Last but not least, remember why you decided to start this study and what motivates you to persevere. Why do I want to do it so badly?
Once you have written this plan, keep it in a place where you can find it easily. Since I started answering these questions over and over again, I have become much more organised and confident in my studies. Of course, these are just the very basics. Feel free to add your own questions or materials, but once these things are checked off, a good start to the new year is definitely assured
Currently listening to: Asking Alexandria - Alone Again 🎶
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corspewiggler · 2 years
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shift your mindset
we know that this is the law of assumption, so if you keep assuming you have tons of doubts or worries that is what will continue to manifest! you are god of your reality and have full control and yes you can easily and effortlessly control your thoughts! it doesn’t have to take you weeks to do this just start now! i assumed it would be fast and easy to control my thoughts with not much effort because this is all natural for us like living in the end is natural and what we do all the time. it took me a day or two to have only ideal thoughts have no fear worries or doubts because i knew i was capable of that and that, again, this is my natural state!
i will continue to emphasize and repeat that all you have to do is claim you are what you want to be or have what you want and just fully trust an know you now have it in your reality! the physical world catches up extremely fast! and the inner world is the where real reality exists!
$100 million dollars, a romantic partner, a new home, new family or new friends is all the same and easy peasy lemon squeezy (i like this saying cause it’s facts) they are not bigger or smaller and don’t take “longer” because you think they do. throw that redirect away right now and assume it’s all easy effortless and instant because it is!
stop thinking you have to “do anything” for it to show up! you already have it in imagination and that is proof you have it right now! you don’t have to affirm all day because since you have clear skin why would you need to affirm 500 times you have clear skin? the moment you claimed it, is the same exact moment your skin became clear!! you don’t have to change your skincare routine or go to a dermatologist… why would you think about those things when your skin is perfect??? do you see what i mean!!
you don’t have to lift a finger for anything and i mean anything! if you want to sit around and make millions then it’s yours and thats your life now! you are relaxed and love spending money and booking expensive trips because you can obviously afford it!! it is so simple and not much to think about!
you have a desire -> claim it as yours -> your thoughts automatically shift to being in the end -> the physical world reflects your desires instantly
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corspewiggler · 2 years
Video
an animatic I made this weekend about who Hunter was sending flapjack pics to in “Reaching Out” ! it was really fun to try to keep to the TOH board style!
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