confusedrotisseriechicken

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

When I say “school should be disability accessible”, I don’t just mean we need handicap rails and EAs. Kids should be able to miss a day without failing out of school. You shouldn’t be dismissed from clubs because your attendance record is “spotty” (true story). I once missed an entire week of school because of a terrible, unending migraine. I was expected to keep up with my studies despite the blinding pain that came with working on my computer. When I heard my teachers say that you couldn’t miss exams, I asked what I would have to do to be excused from them. Their response? “Either get a doctor’s note an hour before the exam or death of an immediate family member.”

I cannot express how rigid this expectation was. First of all, with my condition, I wouldn’t have enough warning about my sickness to go to the doctor and request a note. For many people, this is exceptionally difficult, especially with the current shortage of medical professionals. Next, it ignores the fact that my schedule may not line with theirs because of my medical needs. Once, I had to visit a hospital a province away (which I was on the waiting list of for over a year) on the same day as an exam. I begged my mother not to take me because I was so nervous that I would be marked as an automatic fail. I was lucky enough to make it work, but that’s only because of my spectacular support system consisting of family members and wonderful doctors.

Disabilities aren’t always about needing a bus that can accommodate wheelchairs. It’s already difficult enough for many of us to maintain school attendance without the harsh punishments involved for skipping a day. We need to be able to miss school without being punished. Only than can you claim that the school is “accessible”

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

characters with a real "has been trying so very hard and has never ever been thanked or told they're doing a good job" energy about them. ykwim. characters who did what they had to do, because no one else was willing to. characters that are angry and bitter that they have to deal with this, but god damn it, they will deal with this, they have been dealing with this on their own for years.

#ussssssss

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

apparently theres 5 threat responses documented now!

from a trauma & dissociation workbook page our therapist shared

#well fuck #this might make a lot of sense actually

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

#we keep a list of alters but it's really for our own organization #the way I look at it is that an alter is still valid even if we (or I) don't know about them. my personal knowledge doesn't dictate their #existence. because of this the list is more like a reference. it helps me keep track of who's who but it's by no means accurate #all of this is tangent to the original post lol #wren #and others

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

Two moods

#our demand avoidance vs our fear of failure #so to that one time my bf made us coffee and handed me the carton of heavy cream and I just dumped half a cups worth of cream into it cause #that's what I do with regular milk lmao #this is why I should be supervised at all times #wren

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

You deserve to feel safe. To feel taken care of. It's ok to depend on people, be attached to people, need people. It doesn't mean you're not strong. It's human. Attachment isn't always bad. It's not a weakness.

#reminder

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

I had never believed in the happy ending type of love. The only love I knew gave me nervous butterflies and inflicted pain. Somehow I've made it here to tell you that I was wrong. Love isn't supposed to be that way. The love you deserve is warm and safe and easy. That love is out there waiting for you.

tara love / i think i know what love is now

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

yep. some days communication can be super clear and you can tell who's fronting or co-con, and other days everything is just brain soup. from what I've seen, a lot of systems experience this (I know we do frequently), and it seems to just come with the disorder. it can be confusing and annoying, but it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. hope this helps :)

does anyone have periods where you’re physically too tired to think about DID stuff? I had a 3 day streak of doing a lot of good internal communication and alter discovery shit and I was able to figure out who was fronting and stuff.

but the past couple of days It’s like whenever I think about that a wave of exhaustion is sent through my mind. I’ve had no idea who’s fronted or anything

it’s not the worst thing ever. I can exist without knowing who’s fronting or anything. But as someone who’s very progress oriented it’s a little annoying and I wanna know if anyone else experiences that.

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

It is okay to mourn the child that you were, or the child that you could have been. It is okay to be sad or angry that no one protected you like you should have been protected. It is okay to grieve.

#wow ok #you didn't have to hit me that fucking hard out of nowhere #wren

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

-> make mug cake from scratch for the first time

-> everything goes ok, may be a little burnt but that's better than the alternative

-> start eating mug cake

-> dissociate

#why must mug cakes hold this much power? #wren

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

it will get better

#it will get better

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

UBI needs to happen. via antiwork

#raaaaaagggggghhhhhh

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

they need to put reminders in DID questionnaires to include the. the separate alters. and their separate experiences,,

the amount of times i've probably fucked up a survey bc i go "i mean i don't really have like. super long memory gaps" like true. what about the rest of the system though girlie you are the HOST

#:o #this makes so much sense now #like I might not experience super obvious anmesia but other alters definitely do #wren

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

"I'm proud of you"

"what for? being alive?"

"of course, you didn't want to"

#me to myself #the collective

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

Plural culture w/ low communication going to sleep is the only time I usually get to hear these bitches JABBERING ABOUT WHO KNOWS WHAT (/affectionate)

I don't even usually get to remember what they/we were talking about come morning but I know it's usually fun and it makes me feel a little more valid / comforted in a way skdjhf

- 🍓 (🫙🍓 sys)

.

#so true

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

Can you draw that snail? You know the one who got out of Grian's power and started to eat Gem's lighthouse?

little guy <3

alternatively: big guy.

#mcyt

[confusedrotisseriechicken]

Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

#helpful #reminder