command-mentsff

[command-mentsff]

Thou shall confess./

-Carter

I nodded briefly to Julia, the receptionist and Paula, one of my colleagues, making a beeline to my office. If they could tell something was up, they hid it well.

I was glad that Nia was released, logically I knew there was no good reason for her to continue to stay here. Except for my own selfish reasons.

I plopped down at my desk and ran a hand over my face. I really needed to stop thinking about this shit. I sighed and pulled out some charts I had been reviewing, determined to focus on work. Nia had Dex, and her family and a whole other life to live. She didn’t need me anymore, so I just needed to get over it.

I worked for about an hour and a half, figuring that would be enough time to cover up the fact that I really only came to the hospital today for her.

I closed out my browser and put my computer to sleep, placing a few files in my bag. I checked my phone, seeing one of my boys texted me, asking to hoop later. Perfect. The busier, the better.

As soon as I stepped out of my office, I had a 5’6, 100 lb, big haired ball of attitude in my face. Karla popped her gum twice, then spit it in a nearby trash can after catching my glare.

“So, Dr. E. I know you ah messed up that ya favorite is gone.” I frowned at her in mock confusion.

“Karla, don’t you have yoga right about now? Ms. Sha will be looking for you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ion got time for dat shit. Can’t nun relax me but a coupla pills. Speaking of, can you write me a prescription? I’m feeling suicidal and shit.”

I just looked at her, knowing damn well she just wanted to chase a high. “Ask Dr. Jacobs.” As I knew she would, she began having a fit. I motioned to one of the orderlies on duty, which only pissed her off more. “Just go to yoga, Karla. Don’t do this to yourself.” I placed a hand on her shoulder, which seemed to calm her down... a little too much.

She saddled up close to me. “Maybe you can be my new drug. Kinda like you were for Nia.” She began to run her hand up my chest, but I caught her wrist in a tight grip.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said through gritted teeth, “but this is inappropriate and don’t think I won’t be documenting it for your chart. Do you want to be transferred again?” She snatched her wrist away, having the decency to look a little guilty. “Don’t touch or speak to me in that way again.” I motioned the orderly over, who she snatched away from as well when he tried to lead her away.

“Fuck you, Dr. E!” She yelled out, causing heads to turn in the common room. “We all know Nia did.” She smirked as she was led out of the room.

I looked reluctantly around the room, seeing that, yep everybody heard that shit.

The killing part is, nothing has actually ever happened between us. Not that we didn’t want it to. But she was my patient, and on top of that in love with someone else. She was perfect in my eyes, and everything I wanted but the way she came into my life prevented me from loving her the way she deserves. More than what that damn Dex could do for her.

Ms. Dr. J, as everyone so lovingly called Paula, made her way over to me. I bit my lip, knowing she knew something was up with me and Nia but also knowing she never did ask. I hope she knows I would never do anything under the circumstances.

“You okay, Carter?”

I nodded. “Karla is trying to get high. She’s going to hit you with some suicidal thoughts. Just a heads up.”

Paula sighed and nodded. “I figured.” She studied me for a minute. “Look-“

“Paula. I know how it may have seemed. But nothing ever happened between myself and any patient that has come in that door. I apologize if I have made you, or anybody else, think otherwise.”

She clamped her mouth shut, tilted her head, and finally nodded again, her dreads swinging with the movement. “Okay. Get out of here Carter, you deserve a break from this place.”

I chuckled. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

I felt Paula, and everyone else’s, eyes on me as I swallowed my lie thickly, heading out of the hospital and towards the parking lot. Nothing physical happened, but something emotional and spiritual definitely did. I think that’s what makes the shit worse. Knowing I can be what she needs, she’s even told me so, one of the few times we were being honest and real with each other. Knowing I can give her love and affection better than anyone else, because I knew her better than anyone else. But I will never get a chance to prove it. We’ll never get a chance.

#chris brown #chris brown fanfic #chris brown ff #chris brown fanfiction #ryandestinyfanfic #ryan destiny

[command-mentsff]

Thou Shalt not give into temptation./

-Nia 

Tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill over as Ms. Jacobs embraced me, smoothing a hand down my hair. As much as I wished and hoped to be out of this place, I couldn’t believe how emotional I was being now that the day had finally come. 

“You’ve made such great progress, Nia. We’re all proud of you,” Ms. Jacobs assured me as she released me. Her round, brown eyes were squinted with her smiling in pride, but I could see she was tearing up as well. 

“Thank you, Ms.J,” I replied, smiling back at her widely. “I definitely wouldn’t have pulled through without you.” She waved me away, and I let my eyes stray behind her to the large logo that was all over the building. I looked over to the common area, where a few girls were seated, eating snacks and pretending not to sneer at me. As if I cared. I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never step foot in this place again, and likewise not have to see those girls anymore. I planted one last kiss on Ms. Jacobs’ cheek, flipped my hair defiantly for the girls’ benefit and turned to go outside where I knew Dex would be waiting. He always hated coming to see me here, and I can only imagine the smile on his face that we weren’t pressed for time, I didn’t have to be back in an institution at a certain time, we were finally free. 

I was halfway across the lobby, my hand already reaching for the door, when a soft touch stopped me. My breath caught. He wasn’t supposed to be here today. I turned around quickly, eyes wide. He gave me a tiny smile. 

“Dr. Edwards,” I said quietly. 

“Nia,” he replied. He read the unspoken question in my eyes. “I decided to come in today, to check on a few things. I figured I should say good-bye to you since I’m here.” 

I looked around, always paranoid, although nothing has ever actually happened between us. I just felt the tension and chemistry between us so strongly, I couldn’t fathom how anyone else was unable to sense it. 

My eyes fell on his hand still grasping my arm, and he dropped it quickly, clearing his throat. 

“Well. Goodbye,” he stated firmly, the softness erased from his voice. 

I was really hoping he wouldn't be here today, and he knows that. I’m not, and probably will never be able to be, ready to say goodbye to him. As much as I hate this place, seeing him and simply being around him every day made it so much more bearable. 

I finally found my voice and smiled weakly up at him. “Thank you for everything, Dr. Edwards. It’s going to be...difficult. Being away from.... the hospital. After. You know. All you guys’ help.” I bit my lip, frustrated at my lack of communication. “I will miss you-uh, our sessions. The therapy. Counseling. It really helped.” 

He ran a finger over his lips, clearly amused at my fumbling. “Do you have everything you need? All your appointments set up?”

“Yeah,” I hooked a finger over my shoulder, “Julia scheduled everything. I’m all set.” 

He nodded, and stepped a bit closer to me. “I’ll miss you, too,” he said softly. My heart rate picked up, and I found myself biting my lip again. “Be safe, and call me if you need me. I mean it.” 

I looped my arms around his neck impulsively, and he squeezed me back. I pushed up on my tiptoes, planting my nose in his neck where I knew the smell of heaven would be. A hug from him was so few and far between, I always tried to take advantage when one happened. I just felt so safe with him, safe from everything, including myself. I felt guilty that I couldn’t say the same about my embraces with Dex, but things with him were just different. It’s probably a good thing I’m being discharged; we’ve already used enough restraint thus far. I caught Ms. Jacobs glancing in our direction and reluctantly pulled back. 

“I gotta go,” I said. 

“I know.”

I smiled once more, and he attempted to smile back, but his eyes were so sad. “Bye Nia.” 

I waved and turned, stepping outside, into freedom and possibility and Dex and away from the schedules and routines and predictableness and love and missed chances and Carter. 

I’m thinking RD for Nia 

CB for Carter 

and idk who else yet but I’ll put a character list up soon-ish...

#chrisbrown #chrisbrownfanfic #ryan destiny #ryandestinyfanfic #fanfic