colorme-stasia

[colorme-stasia]

to anyone else, the night would have been perfect. warm and inviting. a little breeze to keep the daytime heat at bay. a picturesque night of the dawn of fall. summer still holding on for dear life. but for stasia, it might as well have been storming. her eyes were rimmed red and black. tears left little muddy puddles in their track. a denim jacket three sizes too big engulfed her in the fabric as she continued to walk down the road. her eyes were seemingly trained on the gravel below her. just breathe. though her lungs disobeyed her commands, hitching with every inhale. as the girl finally looked up, her heart sank. another person was walking towards her. the girl took the back of her sleeve and attempted to wipe away any evidence of pain. of sadness. “hey.” her voice forcing cheeriness. “whatcha doing out here so late?”

#wshedstart

[colorme-stasia]

wrners‌:

“right, how could i forget about the penis explosion on your rib cage,” warner remarked sarcastically, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. a reaction that only continued as stasia did. “five, really? well, at least i’m able to keep my hands to myself. you are going to be able to control yourself during this movie or, like, should i be worried?” he teased, looking over at her with a smug look on his face. a handsome devil indeed. “exactly. like, i’d obviously quote we’re the millers. no regerts, baby.”

turning to pull into the dorm parking lot, stasia shook her head in a fake display of disappointment. “it’s like I tell you things and you just don’t listen! that penis mural is an important part of me.” laughter only somewhat successfully held in. she pulled into a parking spot just before looking at him, rolling her eyes back at him. “you wish I wanted to touch you that way, douglas. literally never.” she leaned back to grab her bag, quickly digging for her id card. the excess security, while she understood why it was implemented, was getting annoying. “I’d think she’d appreciate that.”

#c: warner

[colorme-stasia]

do you ever think that maybe you're so good at giving advice because you have no ability to follow it yourself, so you blindly coach people with the hope that somehow it'll transfer?

“I-......”

#((answers are never so clear ;; answered ask)) #//B I T C H #yes

[colorme-stasia]

wrners‌:

“just save your money and get one set of lingerie; they’ll all enjoy it. trust me. valentine’s is a bullshit holiday anyway. better off saving it for christmas or hanukkah or whatever.” warner pulled his hand back as she swatted at it. his eyes narrowed at her denying him free range of the stereo, but they narrowed even further at her choice in music. “i’m sorry for trying to help you cultivate a taste in music that doesn’t make people’s ears bleed. what is this crap?” he gestured towards the radio as he sulked back into his seat. “fair.” he lulled his head against the headrest, looking off to the side to stare out the car window. “do you think she’ll hold it over me that i haven’t watched friends? cause i’m really only down to sell my soul a little bit.”

“how would you know? you haven’t seen what’s under all this.” she said, gesturing to herself with a laugh. “I could have patches of blue skin with green hairs popping out of it. or I could have a really awful tattoo. like, just penises everywhere. then where would I be? having to find gifts again. c’mon warner.” stasia lightly shoved him with her free hand. dark eyes rolled as he complained. “you’re literally a five year old. also, make fun of fun. or nate ruess  again  in my car and I’ll throw you out on the side of a cliff.” though all in a joking tone, audio wasn’t a matter taken lightly for stasia. since the synesthesia set in, noise dictated her life. certain music, certain sounds in general, would elicit large blocks of color that could swallow her whole vision. music she used to love was now impractical to listen to. but when she found a band or a musician who only caused light puffs of color, simple and harmless, she cherished them. “I don’t think she’d be too mad.” hands turned as she entered the dorm parking lot. “she might like that you’re not trying to fufill your friends slash rachel fantasy, ya know? you won’t randomly say “we were on a break!” before you stick it in.”

#c: warner

[colorme-stasia]

@blkeknx

#little stasia things #ft #blake

[colorme-stasia]

@wrners

#little stasia things #ft. warner

[colorme-stasia]

blkeknx‌:

“I’ll work on the jaundice part. Maybe put some poison in her tea or something,” he said, shrugging indifferently as he flicked aimlessly through apps on his phone. He sighed, nodding his head slowly. “Yeah… I mean, OCD ruins my life most of the time… It’s probably just — I mean, I know it’s just that. It’s just — I don’t know… I kind of miss Levi sometimes because I get attached and… I just worry Teddy feels that way about — about Lana, maybe,” he replied. Chuckling at her response, he pressed his lips together. “Okay, wingman it is. In fact, I’ll bring you to a club or something. Get dressed up and you’ll be sucking dick by midnight.”

“we went from botched hair dye to poison real quick and I don’t know how to feel about it. just know if she somehow get’s poisoned-” a dramatic wink following her words. “-this conversation never happened.” cocking her head, stasia took in what he was saying. listening was something she prided herself on. absorbing people’s words and hopefully putting their minds at ease. made her feel useful. “I get that. see, when I was first going for my PTSD, my therapist said something that I try to remind myself: you are a person that has OCD. you are not your OCD. hell, it wouldn’t even exist if you weren’t here in the first place. it’s just an extra annoyance of life. it’s not your whole life. it doesn’t run your life. well, it doesn’t have to run your life. just as long as you don’t give up hope that you can tame it one day.” stasia shifted in her seat, hands freely playing with the loose strings on her pj pants. “it’s not bad to miss an ex. you can still have an appreciation for them. a fondness. a platonic kind of love. not necessarily a bad thing. when you or the other breaks monogamy, if that’s what you’re in to, that’s when it becomes problematic. do you still have romantic feelings for levi?” their usual happy tone brought the smile back to her face. “like, right now? you seriously think I can transform this-” gesturing to her outfit that could only be described nicely as ‘shabby chic’. “-into something presentable in a reasonable amount of time?”

#c: blake #ocd tw #ptsd tw

[colorme-stasia]

wrners‌:

warner gave a quick laugh. “an older male celebrity, but he’s sixty? i hear antonio banderas is single.” as they hit open road, he reached forward to play with a few buttons on her dash. though generally frowned upon, warner had a habit of ignoring the rule of driver’s choice. if he had the ability to toy with the ac and pick what station was playing, he would. “a solid meme but, yea, meryl doesn’t quite do it for me. try steering more in the direction of jennifer aniston and jennifer connelly.” he paused, radio station stopped on a disco track. “damn. there’s a lot of hot jennifers.”

“ugh, yeah add him in too. gorgeous man.” eyes on the road but attention clearly on the conversation. “valentines day is going to be really expensive at this rate. but I should be getting some awesome gifts considering the money these men make.” soon realizing his hands were fiddling with the radio, stasia took one hand off the wheel to bat it away. “nuh uh. I don’t care if you’re the queen of england. you don’t mess with my car. or my music. unless you want me to throw you out right now.” she said with a smirk. a press of the button brought back the indie rock music, fingers lightly turning the volume up just to spite him. “I feel like everyone is in love with jennifer aniston. like, you cannot be human unless you think she’s attractive.”

#c: warner

[colorme-stasia]

wrners‌:

“i’d agree to silence, but de niro is definitely still going to judge us from the background,” warner joked as he leaned back in his seat. the scandalous details weren’t difficult to share. warner would openly admit to that and more. it was the real shit he struggled to talk about. his dad. lana. his increase in alcohol consumption. “a variety pack,” warner nodded, half in understanding and the rest in appreciation of her taste. it was better than the standard clooney and dicaprio. “kinda curious who you think my cougar crush is.”

“de niro is not going to disrespect me in my own home...room. he may be a part of my beautiful harem but I won’t tolerate that.” she played along, starting the car with a loud engine that turned to a soft purr of idling. “exactly!” stasia laughed as she began to leave the parking lot, soon on the open road. “like people always are saying they want to spice up their life. and what could be more spicy then an older male celebrity menage a like fifty?” the brunette stifled a bout of laughter. “honest to god, the first person to pop in my head was meryl streep and I know that’s probably so wrong but the fact it just like..boom. all I could think of was meryl streep. specifically the meme of her yelling.”

#c: warner

[colorme-stasia]

blkeknx‌:

“My sister’s always a bitch to me. Can you make her hair puke green and her skin piss yellow?” he asked, snorting at the thought as he got himself comfortable in the crook of the couch. As Stasia spoke, he nodded along a few times, trying to focus his eyes on the television so he didn’t start feeling insecure again for seemingly no reason. He had a habit of overthinking and something told him telling Teddy that he thought about him potentially cheating on him often wouldn’t exactly land well. “Be honest with myself? What are you trying to say,” he said, squinting a little. “Maybe you should fuck the pizza guy? Have you not watched porn? I guarantee that’s the reason he chose the profession in the first place,” Blake suggested. “I should be your wingman. Or you should go on Tinder or something. College is slipping away.”

“honestly, I am by no means a hairstylist so I bet if I actually tried to do a somewhat decent look on her, it would somehow come out puke green so there’s that plan. and the only way her skin could become piss yellow is if she develops jaundice and I’m not sure what I can do about that.” she said with a little shrug and a laugh. his sudden squint made her feel worried. had she offended? “just be honest with yourself in the way that know that’s how you get. realize those are your thoughts and not necessarily reality, you know? thoughts can be intrusive and try to make you believe things that aren’t true. but, as long as you know that that’s the way your mind works.” offering a small smile at the end of her words. tongue stuck out in feigned disgust at his suggestion. “I didn’t say I wanted to fuck the pizza guy. I just said that that eye contact is the closest I’ve gotten to some semblance of sexual tension in months.”she shook her head with a laugh, placing another bit of popcorn in her mouth. “tinder is where dreams go to die. I’d much rather have you as my wingman.”

#c: blake

[colorme-stasia]

byandrews‌:

there were no attempts to hide his confusion,   his amazement,  when she turned down taking a hit of his joint.   it wasn’t  just that she said no.   he wasn’t that entitled   women’s rights   &  shit.    he was all for it.   no, it was WHO said no.   because whether or not the students of lockwood heard whispers about the tales of anastasia, it wasn’t the same as being there during the time.    “      yeah, alright, cool. i’ve been good.     ”      he sucks in a breath, giving her another once-over.      “      i mean, you’re the one who disappeared so i should be asking you that.       ”       he reminded her, the smoke of his marijuana passing through lips as he did so but turning his head away as to not blow it entirely in her face.   it may sound like bitterness is hanging loosely in the air between them but he held no resentment towards his old friend  -  at least not that he’s aware of.   isaac had known that a friendship purely bonded because of alcohol and drugs was a temporary one at best.   one of them would have outgrown the other but he honestly never imagined it would have been her.       “      which is exactly why you owe me a hit.      ”     he continues, offering the joint up to her once more.       “      or a drink or something at least. one of the ones you make where there’s more alcohol than mixer, you know?    we got a lot of catching up to do.       ”

the confusion clearly etched into his features only made her more self conscious about refusing. it would have been harmless. it wasn’t like she was completely diving into something harder. but she couldn’t let herself. no matter the temptation. it had been too long. too much of a struggle. “good. glad to hear it.” the words barely acknowledged as words. more as a formality. when the next words hit her ears, her stomach seemingly turned into steel. sinking down into a never ending pit. “wasn’t exactly my choice.” her voice hidden under her breath. the brunette wasn’t lying. after consideration by many a mental health professional, it was decided she needed to leave the city. leave the buildings that stood like monuments of her internal battle. abandon her name. cast it aside. shed it like it wasn’t even her who went through the things she did. saw the things she did. that name died when she witnessed everything. nails dragged across her palm. eyes met with the joint being offered once more. it wasn’t regressing. was it? no. it was letting herself enjoy the little things in life. this didn’t mean anything. she wasn’t less of a person. was she? the internal battle stopped when stasia’s hand grabbed the joint out of his and placed it in her own mouth, taking a small hit before handing it back. “one hit and a glass of wine. think you can meet me half way? for a friend?”

#c: isaac #drugs tw

[colorme-stasia]

wrners‌:

“you said it, not me,” he shrugged, smirk twisted on his lips. “a lot of shit. still pretty vague there so i’m definitely gonna have to request some details. and since we both know my heart’s been, like, calcified or whatever i think we should bump this one day thing to soon. and i’ll even be fair,” he started, slipping into her car— but only after clearing off the papers and loose pencils that littered the passenger side seat. “pay you a story with one of my own. eye for an eye but… dirtier.” warner stowed his bag between his legs on the floor, a paint brush rolling under the heel of his shoe. “fair. though i would have pegged you for a jeff goldblum kind of girl.”

“rude.” dark eyes rolled yet lips curled into a smile. their relationship was easy. comfortable. the thing most resembling normal in her life. and for that, she cherished it. hands quickly fumbled in her pockets for her keys, finally pulling them out after a parade of color swatches and lose papers. it was almost as if she was a scarecrow, except stuffed with random art supplies. “alright. that’s settled then. we’ll have a night filled with a bunch of crazy ass stories and we can silently judge one another.” her laugh genuine, yet inside she knew some of her stories didn’t exactly paint her in the best light. she’d made mistakes. a lot of them. the one thing that gave her some peace of mind was that she was on her way to being better. hopefully. “I can have more than one love of my life. jeff is one of my faves, so don’t get me wrong. I’ll have a male harem of celebrities old enough to be my father.”

#c: warner

[colorme-stasia]

(x)

#little stasia things #//i just slammed my toe on my stationary bike after being so proud of myself for biking 8 and a half miles ✌ #I'm a mess #I'll be on later :*

[colorme-stasia]

HAILEE STEINFELD The Edge of Seventeen (2016)  dir. Kelly Fremon Craig

#little stasia things #reflection

[colorme-stasia]

viktcrr‌:

“you don’t know if the actual story is more badass. what if i just, accidentally crept besides a friend and they slashed out at me? still as lame. whatever - she had started it, by the way. put spiders in her own bed and framed me for it - parents believed it too. fucking snakes, the lot of them.” viktor had begun moving the cigarette slowly, in front of her - just left to right, up and down, a little circle motion - wanted to see her eyes fixate on it, like a cat ready to pounce on a feathery toy or a dog waiting for a treat - found amusement in it, in fact. “sounds boring. think i function better at night. everything makes more sense. think it also has to do with the fact i thought i was a vampire for like, two years when i was a kid. only drank pomegranate juice and ate my steaks rare n’ bloody. superglued black construction paper to my windows. just, the absolute most. that’s fucking - valid, or whatever. do you think the devil would be hot? sexy, even? i’m stuck between that and a fucking - sleazy, ‘70s pornstar.” he had started walking - backwards, so he could still look at her, tapping the ash off of his cigarette as he did so.

“that could have been what happened but I still feel like getting pushed down the stairs is like a cliche little blah of a story. I don’t know. I just think you could have put it to better use. just my opinion!” putting her hands up in fake surrender, a laugh following. “that’s fucking crazy! where did she even get snakes? like, where they garden snakes or what? was she ordering rattlesnakes of amazon if you can even do that?” but soon her focus was somewhere else. the glowing end of the cigarette almost akin to a bright light guiding weary travelers home after a long journey. her body felt like it was twitching to reach out for one. just one drag. one cigarette. one pack. no. she shook her head softly as if it would shake out the thoughts from her head. all that hard work wasn’t going to be for not. the pathetic feeling was already beginning to set in at even her thoughts. she wasn’t about to intensify it by actually going through with it. “I get that. there’s a quietness about the middle of the night. no one to answer to, not have to worry about daytime problems. kind of a time to forget, you know?” though when his reasoning came out, stasia couldn’t help but laugh. “okay, the weird thing is I don’t know if I should think that’s fucking crazy or oddly adorable so...take either. also a plus commitment.” feet began to move forward as she followed. “see, I always remember that he’s a fallen angel, right? like no matter religious texts or whatnot, he’s always been like a trusted of the particular god but then been cast out. except for hades, but he’s not really a devil in the same sense. anyway, I see him either keeping his good looks from his angel days. like, just the most stunning man you’ve ever seen. or he really let himself go. like imagine just danny devito. danny devito in a red speedo. those are the only two, valid options.”

#c: viktor #addiction tw #religion tw

[colorme-stasia]

blkeknx‌:

“It’s — I mean, it’s definitely love,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders as he slowly flipped through a magazine he’d somehow managed to guide to his lap. “If you can convince her to let you, the job’s all yours. I want nothing to do with my sister’s wedding,” he said, nose wrinkling a little at the thought. “You know what’s fucked up?” Blake asked. “I’m not sure — I don’t think that I trust him, really. I mean, he’s never done anything to me and — But I just… I mean, it’s a bit hypocritical of me to be worried about him cheating, but I guess I’m just a little insecure. Character flaw,” he muttered. “Please tell me you have romance in your life now? Making myself sick.”

“if she was a bitch to you, then I will take the job and completely fuck up her wedding. the theme color will be puke green and piss yellow and the centerpieces will just be giant middle fingers. it’ll be beautiful.” the brunette declared, very nonchalantly. brows furrowed as blake told her his worries. a small frown following. “we all have things we don’t like about ourselves. that one trait we wish we could set aflame. but you just have to know that while that feeling is totally valid to have and that’s just you, maybe you should talk to him about it. just be like ‘hey this is how my brain works. just so you know.’ with anxiety and worries like that, I’ve learned it’s easier just to be upfront with it. because otherwise you’re just relying on people to be mind readers. and unless they have a psychic studio above a pizza place or an 800 number, they’re not going to know why you’re acting this way. and honesty is so important. not only to be honest with teddy but to be honest with yourself.” what seemed like a lifetime of not only physically detoxing but mentally detoxing left stasia able to give solid advice when the time came. enough therapists had come into her life for her to be an honorary one at this stage in her life. his next question elicited a dramatic pssht from her lips. “please. the most romantic my life has been lately is when the pizza delivery boy and I exchange prolonged eye contact when I give him the cash.”

#c: blake

[colorme-stasia]

@wrners

#little stasia things #ft. warner