coderandmaniac

[coderandmaniac]

After 2 years on T I called it quits. Being a guy didn't make me happy after all. I'm changing my name legally back to what my parents named me when I was born. I'm presenting as female again. My first semester back at the U after 2 years... Being on campus again has me thinking of you. I wonder if you will even read this.

#ibt

[coderandmaniac]

I read this shortly before I started HRT 14 months ago and it does not align with my experience at all.

“My bottom growth started at about 1 ½  weeks.” Good for you. Mine didn’t start until over 6 months.

“You will have male secondary sex characteristics.” All of my male secondary sex characteristics are hidden under clothing. My body fat distribution, facial hair growth, voice, and anything else you can think of that would actually help me to pass as male, are still firmly in the “female” range. The only physical changes have been a minuscule amount of bottom growth and some hair on my stomach. That’s it. Nothing else.

“You won’t turn into a ‘cute smol boi uwu’” This is exactly what I turned into and honestly I hate it.

“You will look like a man.” Nope. I only wish I did.

“[The purpose of HRT is] to alleviate dysphoria.” Hasn’t worked too well for me.

"You cannot pick and choose what changes happen. You can’t decide when each change happens.” Because of how the post was written, by the time I finished reading it, I forgot these two sentences. If you are a trans person who is going on HRT, these two sentences need to be your takeaway from the original post.

In conclusion, I want to clarify that I agree with the fact that if you do not have body dysphoria, please don’t rush into HRT. Personally, I’ve always had some degree of social dysphoria, but it wasn’t until I started actually examining my thoughts that I realized I was repressing the fuck out of my body dysphoria. And then the floodgates opened, and years of body dysphoria hit me like a tidal wave. In my opinion, if you identify as trans and don’t have dysphoria, it is likely that you are repressing the uncomfortable parts of being trans. I think fully experiencing body dysphoria is a very important step before starting HRT.

Please read this if you’re considering HRT (esp testosterone)

A lot of people rush into HRT without really looking into the changes that will happen. I’ve seen so many people asking questions about if something happening to them is normal when they’re already on the hormones. And I’ve read my fair share of “regret stories” where the biggest issue was just brushing off hormones as no big deal, not really looking into it, and not understanding the changes that will happen when you go on them.

If you want to go on HRT, do your own research first. And I don’t mean skimming an informed consent packet, I mean go online and really look into the effects of HRT. This isn’t something to take lightly. One of the first changes is bottom growth, and this is a permanent change. My bottom growth started at about 1 ½ weeks. That’s 2 shots. Only. 2. Shots. That’s all it takes to never have “normal” looking genitals again. And some people have growth on their first week of T. You cannot pick and choose what changes happen. You can’t decide when each change happens. You might go bald. You might grow bear-like amounts of body hair. You’re likely to gain weight. You will likely sweat more and start having that “man smell.” When you take T, you don’t turn into a “cute smol boi uwu.” You will have male secondary sex characteristics. You will look like a man. If you know your father or if you have brothers, take a good long look at them. You’re going to look more like them. I’m sick of seeing people screw up their lives because they didn’t understand this. I’m sick of people making out transmeds to be some sort of villainous collective. We just don’t want people going on HRT and/or having surgeries only to regret it. And this doesn’t just affect ya’ll who do it either. It affects dysphoric people. It affects the people who actually need these treatments. Our medicine and surgeries are already starting to be seen as nothing more than cosmetic. The purpose of these treatments is not to “explore your gender” or “confuse people.” It’s to alleviate dysphoria. If you don’t have any issues with your secondary sex characteristics, don’t go on HRT. There’s no good reason to anyway. Truscum generally don’t like having to say “I told you this would happen.”

#hrt #pre-T #testosterone #ftm #trans #transgender

[coderandmaniac]

[coderandmaniac]

My favorite thing to do when someone asks me to perform a simple task is to say “No” while doing it

[coderandmaniac]

[coderandmaniac]

[coderandmaniac]

i may be stupid but at least i’m gay

[coderandmaniac]

You know what?

Fuck being jealous, fuck being upset, fuck being lonely. I was all of those things but I don't give a fuck anymore. I am going to do my own thing, and fuck you if you get in my way. There is nothing that can stop me. I know where I'm headed and if someone wants to tag along, then cool. If not, whatever. I'm going to make sure I'm fine on my own, anyway.

My pronouns are they/them and damn fucking right it took me two days short of 23 years to accept it. I will not apologize or make concessions for my gender. I am done being timid. I will say what I think with no bullshit and if you don't like it you can fuck right off.

I will never need you again.

#dear everybody I've ever had feelings for

[coderandmaniac]

[coderandmaniac]

Look at Me

[coderandmaniac]

I FUCKING WISH

[coderandmaniac]

[coderandmaniac]

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and

[coderandmaniac]

Very good

[coderandmaniac]

I didn’t even look at the other options

[coderandmaniac]

me: *buying more makeup* I live for temporary material satisfaction also when will I die

[coderandmaniac]