chronically-ryan
=]:-)
// ryan // they/them // five years of chronic pain and no diagnosis B) //
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something about getting a pain flare up has an automatic way to turn me into a scared 13 year old again. everything is different but nothing has really changed. nothing will ever be the same again, but hasnt this been the "new normal" for six years now? you'd think the mind would be able to adjust but no matter what im back, its the first time all over again, everything hurts and i dont know why. but i do know, now, that just doesnt change anything. im tired and aching but i have to keep going because life just kept going on without me.
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ok ok im going to get sentimental here so dont read this but like
on new years day 2018 i woke up in exteme pain. it lasted for years. it fluctuated, some days were better than others, but it was something i had accepted as always being a part of my life. i isolated myself, lost friends, and held on to toxic people for some semblance of connection. i lost my teenage years to chronic illness and mourned the normalcy i never thought i would get back.
on new years day 2023 i woke up happy. i dont have a diagnosis but im not in pain anymore. i have an amazing gf and supportive friends. im following a new dream that makes me excited for the future. i still wonder about how my life couldve been, but i dont regret where ive ended up. some days are better than others, but life is good.
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shoutout to disabled people who aren’t exactly sure what their disability is, disabled people who aren’t diagnosed yet but know something’s off, and disabled people who are struggling but can’t get any help because of a lack of diagnosis, access to resources, or anything else. shoutout to disabled people who are silently and invisibly disabled and have a hard time getting people to believe them, and who have difficulty managing their symptoms because they’re not sure what the problem is stemming from. it’s hard, but i see you, and im so glad you’re here. it’s over-said but your experience is valid. you deserve support and to be believed.
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i had a gyn appointment and they wouldnt prescribe me my meds (birty control pills that ive been on for four years??) bc they need to see me in person
i see them today, how much yall wanna bet they'll actually give me my meds now
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you ever forget to take your meds and then are violently reminded why you are on meds because haha me too
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guys it finally happened!! i got my first "you're to young to be tired >:((" from an older person today!! is there any reward for this or do i just have to deal with the invalidation
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developing a chronic pain disorder at 13 means i never really got to be a teenager and do teenager things and now all of a sudden im an adult and have to do adult things. i skipped over an entire era of my life with no time to adjust and now everyone just expects me to be normal, but im still mourning experiences i never got. it feels like i was completely stuck while life just kept going on around me and now im scrambling to keep up.
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going to a baseball game to support a friend: fun
being reminded of all the things chronic pain has taken away from me: not fun :(
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mm turns out there's a few important organs there but no doctor can find out whats wrong with them!!
also why did i write the og post like it was chill. the pain was already so bad i couldnt get out of bed some days. please ryan
mmm i think i have a new pain. its right between my upper left and right quadrants, its very sharp and stabby and doesnt react to heating pads
hopefully theres no important organs there
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hello friends a week ago i went to the e.r. because my ovaries still hate me and i have a ovarian cyst that started bleeding. it was literally the worst pain ive ever felt (like the type where you cant even think, much less walk or talk). they did a whole lot of tests and found the bleeding cyst and a fibroid in my uterus but its v small.
it feels weird to say but it was genuinely a really nice e.r. excperience. they put me on morphine like as soon as i got there and all of the doctors and nurses were so kind and it felt like they actually cared. the last time i went to a different e.r. they made me feel so overdramatic, so having doctors validate my pain and take me seriously was just.. wow.
and besides that my gynecologist says the cyst will most likely go away on its own, theres almost no risk for a torsion, and im pretty much back to normal. just wanted to happy vent here about it :)
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mmm i think i have a new pain. its right between my upper left and right quadrants, its very sharp and stabby and doesnt react to heating pads
hopefully theres no important organs there
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where can i find funny chronic pain/chronic illness memes.. its for coping i swear
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sometimes i feel like tumblr is a really great place to get support for having a chronic illness and seeing other people relate to my experiences
and then other times, browsing thru those same tags, i have to see posts abt what k*lo ren would be like during sex and the vibe is just immediately off
i mean like if thats how you like to cope thats great!! more power to ya. but at least put the NSFW parts under a cut or somethin,,,,
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Photo
(I didn’t, unfortunately)
[ID: a 5-panel digital comic. Image 1: A bipedal raccoon sits on a bench. The word “NAUSEA” is over her head as she thinks: “don’t puke don’t puke don’t puke.” /2: A deer approaches her and says: “HELLO there!” She responds: “uh…hi?” with a wobbly smile. Nausea lines fly from her head. /3: Closeup of their heads, the deer smiles and says: “Oh THERE’S a smile!” /4: Closeup of the raccoon with the same wobbly smile and nausea lines. The deer says off-panel: “I just KNEW there was a smile in you.” /5: Same scene, the deer says: “You’re so PRETTY now that you’re smiling!” The raccoon, still smiling, thinks: “I’m going to vomit on your face.” /END ID]
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happy thing :)
ive been having stupidly bad pain flare ups recently (the lying on the bathroom floor unable to even sit up kind of pain) but i managed to do an entire work out routine last night without any endo pain at all!!! it was only like 20 minutes but usually even a light jog can have me in a lot of pain, so this was so nice!! i really miss being active so i hope this is the beginning of me being able to get out there again :)
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does anyone have any tips on how to manage joint pain? i have a chronic ankle sprain and need to do a lot of walking tomorrow so any advice is welcome!!
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