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Cogito Ergo Sum
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“Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving, otherwise you won’t meet the one who’s coming.”
— Carl Gustav Jung (via surqrised)
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“Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving, otherwise you won’t meet the one who’s coming.”
— Carl Gustav Jung (via surqrised)
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Sometimes I write to find a way back to myself when I didn't even know I was lost in the first place.
e.v.e.
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“We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve.”
— Unknown
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From my book, A Light In The Dark 💛 available on Amazon now! Grab your copy here: https://amazon.com/dp/B08KZBCDC5
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You Should Be Here
I’m still writing about you.
These articles and poems are starting to feel like eulogies. I keep trying to give your death meaning. I keep trying to revive you with words, mistaking the humming of my laptop for a pulse. If I tap these keys in the correct rhythm, they almost sound like the hands of a clock, reaching and stealing back all that was wasted, one second at a time. Maybe, if I type fast enough, I can go back. Back to that warm summer day, the first week of June, 2012.
I will never forget the way your face lit up in that school parking lot when you saw me for what I had no idea would be the last time. You were glowing, and the high noon sun had nothing to do with it. Your deep blue eyes were so full of life. You were talking about college, and how excited you were to start studying biology. You hugged me, and it caught me off guard. You hugged me, and all the bullshit from the past was no longer valid. You hugged me, and I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in the entire world.
It’s all I have left of you now.
That, and a T-shirt. Not to mention, a heart heavy with regret. I still find myself scribbling your name in notebook margins, absentmindedly. Trying to write you back in to existence. Nobody really talks about you anymore. Sometimes, I wonder if you were merely a figment of my imagination; A crazy beautiful hallucination, knocking the wind out of any darkness that this world had to offer. That is, until the world knocked the wind out of you.
Love can be terrifying. The risks people are willing to take, and the sacrifices people are willing to make in its absence. Unrequited love was a hard pill for you to swallow, so you chose to swallow a bullet instead. I still feel your absence every single day.
You should be here. You should be alive. You should be happy, healing the world one heart at a time with that contagious laugh and goofy smile. You should be someone by now. Not a pile of ashes sitting in an urn on your parent’s mantel. You should be here, loving the ugliness right out of this place with every God particle of that oversized heart. You should be here, but you’re not.
Wherever you are, I hope you’re at peace.
I hope your heaven is so beautiful,
it brings you to your knees.
And I hope wherever you are,
you know
that I’m still writing.
I’m still writing.
You are still here,
through me.
____________________________________
(C) Gina Clingan 2018
Originally Published on Thought Catalog
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From my book, A Light In The Dark 💛 available on Amazon now! Grab your copy here: https://amazon.com/dp/B08KZBCDC5
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Please Don’t Tell Anyone I Wrote This
I feel gross for writing this;
Drunkenly throwing my feelings in to cyberspace,
watching my emotions pixelate across this screen.
With your wildfire heart
and midnight in your eyes,
I had trouble making sense
of what I was seeing with mine.
For the first three months,
I thought you were a dream.
An apparition of everything I’ve ever wanted;
My own personal ghost
haunting me.
They say we have the ability to manifest miracles.
Is that why you are here?
Today I counted my blessings
and came up with the exact same number
of letters in your name and
I no longer know you
from the distance of an arm’s length
because the last five years have been spent
building bridges instead of walls.
You were the first one
to shimmy your way in and
you said
you could be my jungle gym.
I just hope I’m worth the climb and
I hope
you’re worth the fall.
I hope
we can befriend gravity and outsmart time because
for you,
I’m willing to risk it all.
Alice Hoffman once described Chaos Theory
as tiny actions
reverberating throughout the universe
in beautiful and unexpected ways,
like the beating of a single heart,
or a butterfly’s wings
stirring up a storm
in the chests
of galaxies
full of nebulas intertwined.
Like my fingertips
tracing your jawline
or the way you kiss me
and I feel safe enough
to close my eyes, for the first time and
I just hope you know
I had no idea
where any of this would go
but
when I found myself in your orbit,
I finally discovered
the true meaning of home.
I promise you,
you were never meant to be
just another shitty poem.
I think
I’m falling in love with you.
I’m hoping
you didn’t notice.
Whatever you do,
please,
don’t tell anyone I wrote this.
__________________________
(C) Gina Clingan 2018
Originally published on Thought Catalog
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Photo
From my book, A Light In The Dark 💛 available on Amazon now! Grab your copy here: https://amazon.com/dp/B08KZBCDC5
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Photo
From my book, A Light In The Dark 💛 available on Amazon now! Grab your copy here: https://amazon.com/dp/B08KZBCDC5
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Temporary Can Be Beautiful, Too
Why are we so caught up on the notion of forever, when we, ourselves, are temporary? Society is so caught up in romanticizing the idea of permanence. Maybe it’s the commitment-phobe in me, but the notion of forever makes me squirm.
One thing I know for sure: The moment you write your name down in ink or scratch your initials into the nearby oak tree; The moment you write your name with your fingertips on a dirty window of an abandoned building in Detroit, and follow it with the words forever and always, you jinx it. You kill any potential of anything ever lasting.
Life is constantly changing. The inconsistencies are all we can really count on. In a way, the temporariness of it all is comforting. This too shall pass. If you’re having a hard time liking yourself, the person you’re with, or the general direction that your life is going at the moment, just hold on, because it won’t last too long.
Many people are afraid of change. They desperately hold on to people and situations with a white-knuckled grip because they are desperate for something stable. They don’t seem to realize that in change, there is growth. In growth, there is consistency. Rather than seeking outside sources to keep you anchored, you need to learn how to stabilize yourself and embrace the inevitable changes that this life will bless you with. Enjoy the seasons of life, and the people who come and go with them.
What is temporary can also be beautiful exactly as it is, regardless of any potential permanence. Temporariness doesn’t make existence any less valuable or valid.
None of us are permanent. We need to learn to let each other go, the same way that the moon lets go of the tide, and the way that the sky lets go of the moon to free his hands to caress the sun. Change is pertinent to our survival. So, let go.
Evolve.
_____________________________
(C) Gina Clingan 2018
Originally published on Thought Catalog
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