charliechoccychip

[charliechoccychip]

Update: even smaller. Broke 100lbs down today and am starting to see the difference

TW: BC

Progress of the last few months

First pic is Mar23, second is Dec23

Weight difference: 55lb (25kg) down

Lately been feeling like I'm not making any progress despite Oct/Nov being my best months yet, so I pulled an old pic to remind myself that my body is changing even if I don't feel any different in my own skin. I've been keeping slow n steady to try and minimize loose skin, but it seems my skin is much more resilient than I originally thought (woo, ehlers!) so I've been able to pick up the pace :))

Total weight loss: 77.5lb (35.23kg)

#ed bllog #ed not ed sheeran #ana trigger #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed descussion #edn0s #anorexcya #ed behaviour tw #tw ednos #ednos #tw ed #body ch3ck #tw bc #b0dy ch3ck #b0dych3x #tw eating issues

[charliechoccychip]

My entire family was born between late Feb to mid April. I've spent almost 2 months dodging birthday sweets, birthday dinners, road trip snacks, and the head cold going around kept me from working out. I've finally survived the Birthday Armageddon and only gained 2lbs (sue me) RIGHT at the end after consistently losing throughout. huge success imo

Back on my bullshit tho the m i n u t e I left the final birthday dinner I was able to get back on track, lose a lb, and hit the gym again. I'm also starting with a personal trainer soon to help me stay away from being skinnyfat

[charliechoccychip]

I officially weigh less than both my boyfriends hoorah

One of them picked me up like it was nothing and carried me around the house bridal style. I almost started sobbing

[charliechoccychip]

Fun lil validation I got recently-

Old coworker came back to my work to say hi while in the area. Hadn't seen her since 50lbs+ ago, and was disappointed when she didn't say anything- I was wearing a baggy sweater so I hoped it just wasn't as noticeable. Halfway through chatting I went to grab something and heard her lean over to another coworker and mumble out something about how I lost so much weight. When I came back she pointed it out and I smoothed my sweater out to show off how much I had lost.

She s c r e a m e d.

Haven't been able to stop thinking about that since weighing in this morning and realizing I'm less than 3lbs away from 100lbs down.

#an0r3c1a #edn0s #tw ed descussion #anorexcya #@nor3×14 #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #@na vent #tw edn0s #ed behaviour tw

[charliechoccychip]

As someone who used to be properly obese, I am not fucking around when I tell u how much nicer the general population is to me. I never got outright shamed or targeted when I was Fat™ but now that I'm down to a "normal" weight, I have noticed a HUGE change in how people treat me. And a huge part of my weight loss has been grieving the past version of me that wasn't miserable because I was fat, but was miserable because the fat made others isolate me.

Past me deserved to be treated how current me is and it's heartbreaking.

[charliechoccychip]

me when one of the "cool mutual that im way too scared to talk to" mutuals like my post

[charliechoccychip]

Was talking to someone about my weight loss recently and had a mini epiphany

I don't just want to lose weight to be skinny or thin. That's secondary.

I want to lose to be s m a l l. That's what I'm really hooked on.

I've always been big. 5'8" by high school, 150lbs by elementary school. I outgrew kids shoes by the time I was 10. My whole family is a mix of tall and thin or short and thin and I came out with a mid size frame and above average height. I'm taller than both my parents, most of my cousins, and a lot of my friends. Even as a baby I was almost 10lbs! My whole life I was solidified as Big™

Despite a lot of that Bigness being muscle, and me finding ways to justify that largeness via lifting and hands on favors like helping friends move and whatnot, I still couldn't sit in the middle seat of the car without squishing people next to me. I've always had to take up a whole person sized space or more, nevermind even thinking of taking up LESS. Fairground rides, I was always in the designated "heavier" spot lest I crush someone. I tend to sleep in the middle of the bed and would push my partners almost to the point of falling off the bed. Shared duo desks in school, I'd always nudge up next to my desk partner. Walking through doorways, I'd never be able to "scootch by."

The other day I was able to curl into a ball under a small throw blanket. I was able to walk past someone in a tight spot without even risking touching them. I still sleep in the middle of the bed but my bfs both have more room than before. I sat in a single person chair cheek to cheek with a coworker and we both fit. I got a one size fits all bracelet from a coffee stand on Valentine's Day and it actually fucking fit!!

It's not just about being thin, it's about the feeling of space surrounding me in my designated spot. Being thin is just the best way to achieve that feeling.

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya #ana bllog #ana rant #ana meal

[charliechoccychip]

Idk about y'all but I noticed sometimes I poop after like 4 days and it literally makes me nauseous because I can feel my organs fucking settle

[charliechoccychip]

BROKE 90LBS DOWN BITCHES

lowest I've been since being Ill™ in 2016 and by God I'm gonna get so much fucking lower

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

Had a really good streak going in the fall, but as soon as December my weight loss slowed to a crawl. I've lost over 5lbs in the last month and because it's not as drastic as when I lost 10lbs in a month I keep thinking I'm a fucking failure.

Gotta remind myself that progress is progress, no matter how slow. I haven't GAINED. I have still LOST. I am succeeding<3

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

Had a big ass apple, a whole grapefruit, and some sugar on top without calculating calories first. Was so full that I convinced myself I had already blown my limit.

171kcals.

This is the disordered part huh

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

I keep toblerone under my pillow so when I'm rotting away and start craving something I'll have a single piece as a treat. Keeps me from binging, and the texture is so sticky I spend 20 mins trying to get the pieces off my teeth. Like uhhhh dogs. With snuffle mats. I'm just a dumb lil doggy

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

Anyone else ever feel convinced that you haven't lost anything at all then do the math and realize you actually have lost 5lbs?? And you shocked Pikachu face every time?m

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

Been doing so well lately I am once again too small for my pants that used to be too tight what a fantastic Valentine's treat for me :3

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya #tw edn0s #tw ed #ednos #tw restrictive ed

[charliechoccychip]

✨I always feel so silly writing about me✨

For starters, I'm a queer AuDHD person trying my best. I've also been diagnosed with PTSD and Persistent Depressive Disorder in regards to my mental health, and have hEDS, PCOS, and POTS in regards to physical health.

I've had my ED for a while, tho I've never been officially diagnosed as I grew up in a household where diet culture was prevalent. I spent a good few years after living independently just scarfing food down as compensation. Now I'm slipping back into the (other) disordered way I was taught to view food.

Things I will not tolerate in my space:

🌸 fatphobia 🌸 homophobia 🌸 transphobia 🌸 republicans 🌸 graphic self harm 🌸

Stats:

SW 253 🚨

CW 152.3🦠

👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️👄👁️

GW1 200🌿

GW2 180🌿

GW3 150🔒

UGW ???🔒

[charliechoccychip]

I went up 2.5lbs overnight kill me

My watch scan shows it's mostly water weight and partially muscle so that's a silver lining but holy shit my heart dropped stepping on the scale

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #an0r3c1a #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #edn0s #tw ed descussion #tw ed diet #anorexcya

[charliechoccychip]

I've been super strict with my food for so long my bf came home with sprite for me as a treat. When he saw me trying to sneak a peak at the label he cuts in n goes "oh don't worry it's zero sugar, no calorie" like??? I don't deserve him :')