canijustpaintclouds

[canijustpaintclouds]

sometimes i wish my mother loved me. i never actually KNEW her. all i have to go off of what she’s like is terrible stories. and she is a terrible person, but i’m still that little 7 year old girl who cried for you to come back. i still cry about it. why didn’t you choose me? why did you choose drugs over me? your own flesh and blood. i look you up on the local news and see you got arrested again. i thought that after you lost custody over two of your kids and buried another, you’d stop and get better. but you never did.

i’ll never admit to anyone how desperately i want to be loved by my mom. in another life you could have loved me, maybe you could have stayed. but how god how i wish it was this one

[canijustpaintclouds]

I’m not a hero

i’m sorry i couldn’t save you

i miss you

[canijustpaintclouds]

i wish i was more like icarus

i wish i laughed as i fell

the hard ground slamming against my back with the wind stolen from my mouth

but it feels like that everyday

my breathe is stolen but i don’t remember giving it away

i want a bright and exciting end to cover the blandness of life

maybe

soon

i’ll be close enough to the sun

just as he once was

and i’ll understand

what it’s like to not be so cold

#icarus falls #flight of icarus

[canijustpaintclouds]

the day my friend told me that they were going to kill themself i didn’t know what to do. they joked and said “i was supposed to kill myself last night but i fell asleep” they would make jokes about it and all i could do was laugh because i didn’t know what to say. everyday it weighs on me that i won’t see you at school. you won’t text me and no one will know until they make the announcement.

i cant breathe.

please be ok.

#dontkillyourself #stayalittlelonger #please be okay #dont kill yourself #stay alive #i cant breathe #i love u #dont go