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byany--othername · 2 years
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Daily OM- Lesson 4: Contribution
Have you ever posted a positive image or quote on social media? What made it special to you?                                                                                                           I post about mental health sometimes but mostly I feel like people think its attention seeking so I don't do it often unless something really speaks to me
How do you feel like you contribute to the world through your vocation?             I don't feel like the world would care too much about my contribution to that
Have you ever donated money or time to a cause? What feelings prompted you to do so?                                                                                                           yes I have, empathy I suppose and gratitude                                                  
Have you ever performed a random act of kindness?                                               all the time yeah 
How do you contribute to your family or friend group on a regular basis?         I do my friends hair for them, check in on them, tell them I love them, just always trying to make my friends feel included in things
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byany--othername · 2 years
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Daily Om- Lesson 3, What is Missing Pt2
Do you feel connected to the world and people around you? If not, why do you think that might be?
Not atm, I feel super angry at the world 
Can you think of a time when you felt more connected? Describe that time.
not more connected, but being a massive people pleaser I thought was, but I wasn't I was just protecting myself
Do you think the values that were taught to you as a child are the same values you hold today? Why or why not?
not sure I was taught that many, everything I know has come from a trauma response
Do you feel like you're traveling down the "right" path? If not, what is your "right" path?
for the first time ever I think I am
Have you ever considered that the thing that might be missing is you? Do you spend time exploring inward instead of letting the world pull you outside of yourself?
that's exactly how I feel
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byany--othername · 2 years
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Daily Om- Lesson 3 What is Missing?
What is it that you feel is missing from your life right now? List as many or as few items as you like.
Freedom, I feel locked into the jobs I have because I need to survive and make money so that I can afford to do things I want to do in the very small amount of time I do have.
Love, I'm so full of anger its become quite isolating, I think its necessary for a time so I can figure out why im so angry but I don't want to forget how much I love people.
A Plan, so many things I want to do and try but id like it to be better mapped out so I can focus on the steps to get there.
Is there something that you had in the past that you wish you still had?
I wish I still had my grandee
Do you feel like you are simply destined not to have some of the things you may want out of life? Where did this belief come from?
I feel like I am not destined to have a “normal’ family situation that many people seem to idolise, mainly because I need have had anything like it and observe other people and I just see so many flaws and underlying issues and I just think that I would end up preferring to be alone anyway.
a partner, because I don't like it
Is there a time in your past that you "realized" it just might not be in the cards?
Any and every traumatic life even connected to a family or partner dynamic
Can you think of anyone you know that has the thing that is missing from your life? What did he or she do differently than what you're doing right now?
trying hahaha, letting shit go, being open
Why do you think this thing is missing? (lack of time, finances, energy, etc.). Try to find as many "reasons" as you can.
all of those things listed but overall confidence is the main one, followed closely by procrastination
Can you think of one small step you could take toward finding/getting this thing that is missing?
easing on work, concentrating on myself, pushing through 
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byany--othername · 2 years
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Daily Om- Lesson 2, Work
List as many past jobs that you've held as you can think of.
Stocktake, Kitchen hand, Waitress, Bakery assistant, Hairdresser, barista, Liquorland, nightfill and delivery driver.
Are there any particularly funny, horrifying, or heartwarming moments you strongly remember from any (or all) of them? Jot some of your favorites down.
Fair dinkum, I feel like I grew up there, ages 14-18. A lot of things happened while I worked there, most funny, like coming to work with hickeys or being hungover, joking with the chefs, eating lollies in the salad room. but I made some core decisions at that place and Joanna and Danielle worked there too.
Hairdresser at price attack, met Lareina, had a lot of fun there, probably one of the best bosses I've ever had there suz. 19-21, had my first heartbreak while working here and sparked my passion for doing hair.
Are you currently fulfilled at work? If so, why or why not?
No because I work for a big company that I don't respect. As always the higher ups either try to micro manage or pin their mistakes on the workers at my level. id rather be above or below the current level mat. its the worst one to be at.
What is the best job that you've ever had? Why do you think you liked it?
probably when I worked at Liquorland prahan haha which is a surprise to me writing it right now, but there was just a lot going on there, it was just like laid back in terms of rules because higher ups knew that that store was just always gonna be a mess. there were so many characters that would come in, some scary ones but they made for good stories too, plus my boss was smith.
What is the worst job you've ever had? Why did you take it (or stay longer than you wanted)?
Oscar Oscar salons, I stayed longer because i was deeply depressed and I just didn't have the energy to figure out something else until I was forced too. but also I was given titles that I had been working for for years so I felt like I didn't want to make a waste of that time.
Does a part-time or full-time position suit you better? Why?
Part time would suit me the best because I would love to work on my hobbies which I believe would end up making me money at some stage but I can not afford it right now.
What are your work values? Think of values that bring you emotional fulfillment (being challenged, helping others, influence, etc.) as well as external things that you value (high earnings, job security, having adequate time away from work, etc.)
I always say I want a job where im helping people that actually need help, not just servicing the general public or a job that I can work from home.
What is your dream job?
Tattoo artist, graphic designer or anything I can do from home 
What if you thought of your work as a calling instead of a grind (even if just for now)?
there's just no way Liquorland could ever be someones calling unless you're the CEO making all the money from it
Are the internal values more or less important than the external things you receive?
probably a mix, but I see a job as a means of making money to support your internal values so if a job can do that too, great, but I don't think it necessarily has to
Do you feel like you need to work toward a change in your career or vocation? Why?
absolutely, I feel very burnt out and like I could offer so much more than what im currently doing.
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byany--othername · 2 years
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Daily OM- Lesson 1, Roadblocks
What is standing in your way right now?
my wandering mind, procrastination, my constant thought that I need to have the house tidy and everything done before I can do anything I will enjoy doing, so a lot of the time that results in me wanting to do none of it and staying in bed. Being tired from working so much, the looming exercise obsession where I will tell myself any free time I have should be spent exercising. social activities that I think ill get foo about if I down hang out with people on every day that I have off.
What would happen if you overcame the obstacle? More importantly, what would happen if you didn't (think broadly: emotionally, physically, financially, etc.)?
I would be doing my drawing lessons, doing this writing exercise on time, making tik toks, making clothes, taking better care of myself and my appearance, making plans fro the future, finding a course that could lead to a new job.
if I don't overcome the obstacles I will stay in this unhappy routine of working 2 jobs I don't enjoy that much, not doing any better at things I want to learn, not enjoying my hobbies and I just won't be the person I want to be.
Can you reframe the most pressing current obstacle as simply a to-do list? In other words, in order to overcome this, what do you need to learn? What tasks do you need to perform? Who do you need to convince?
I think I need to re wire my brain to understand I don't need to be hanging out with other people every moment of a day off, that's its ok to sit out of things sometimes.
I need to look into methods to reduce my ADHD symptoms, so like listening to brown noise whilst reading or doing a course so I can concentrate better.
ignoring that voice that tells me everything has to be perfect and done before I can do anything else, this puts me in freeze mode.
understand that not everything I make or try to learn is going to be perfect the first time I try, its always a process and that's ok.
Have you ever used an "obstacle" as an excuse not to get started? Did you regret it?
100% I do it all the time, I regret it every time and feel guilty for wasting time afterwards
Are obstacles really just fears holding you back?
mostly, and probably some trauma responses
What is the longest-running obstacle in your life?
Probably the fear of not being good enough at the thing I wanna do or try or thinking about something being exhausting to learn or do. depression.
What steps have you used to make progress toward overcoming it? How far have you come with it? What do you wish would happen? How would that be possible?
when I really have my heart set on alone time I say no to social things, I make to do lists to delegate time for things I want to do, I want to cut back at work and i’m working on that one, I tell myself I live alone and if the house isn't 100% clean that's ok, I can still make time for doing things I want to do
What is the biggest obstacle you faced in your past? Did you overcome it? If so, how? If not, why?
Depression is the big one I think, I always wanna stay in bed when im there but I think about all that time I had I couldve been doing something that would've made me feel better.
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byany--othername · 2 years
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The act of creating is more important than the result
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byany--othername · 2 years
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so cute <3
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Simone <3 <3
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byany--othername · 2 years
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I thought I was fat...
wtf
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byany--othername · 2 years
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always such a confused girl
UGGGHHH CONFUSION :(
The past few days I’ve been grappling with this weird emotion.  I’m still not sure how to describe it.  And I have a tendency to talk about my strange feelings on here, so I see no reason to break the cycle.  I feel like I’m missing something, or that I’m doing something wrong, as if I’m wasting my time proceeding how I am now and that I need to change something if I hope to reach my goal.
Except, I don’t know what my “goal” is.  I don’t know what it is.  I feel like I want something and that I’m unable to get it.  And I have no idea what that something is, only that I have this strong… craving for it, and until I figure out what it is, I’ll never get it - thus this horrible catch-22.  I cannot figure it out, no matter how much I wrack my brain.  And it’s driving me crazy.
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byany--othername · 2 years
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words that made me feel so happy and special, seen directed at someone else in the past, now make me feel empty. like its a routine on repeat, just an act to lure me in like prey.
(via bauerixen-blog)
I was like 19 haha so deep
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byany--othername · 2 years
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wild memories
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<3 cant wait to be with you guys :D
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byany--othername · 2 years
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I can actually not
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byany--othername · 2 years
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I have zero memory of this whaaaat
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taking me to an art gallery is a sure way to make me a happy girl<3
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byany--othername · 2 years
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omfg
Adam 
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and kisses <3
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byany--othername · 2 years
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My only love sprung from my only hate. Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me. That I must love a loathed enemy
(via bauerixen-blog)
always loved Shakespeare 
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byany--othername · 2 years
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miss me do you?? well you should’ve thought about that before u picked drugs over me. fuckwit :(
(via bauerixen-blog)
Darren maybe?
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byany--othername · 2 years
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the pain of being ignored, is nothing compared to the pain the realisation that ur not coming back has brought me
(via bauerixen-blog)
god I can't even remember who this was about
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